You'll see as I go

[lil_loser]

'dramatic' rant

Huh. I try to be nice. I go out of *my* way to be nice. And I get a "bite me" thrown back in my face. *sigh* Last time I try to be a nice person to HIM.
The one full of rage.
The one full of drama.
The one who wants to be an 'actor'.
That is, the ex boyfriend.

What the hey. I try to be nice, and wish him good luck on his auditions in NY, just out of the blue. I haven't really talked to him at all - person, telephone, email, IM - since we broke up, just because he was always so so so so SO full of rage, and I'm not one to deal with that BS. So full of rage, and so full of drama. Like, getting a paper cut would have been a dramatic tale about a gushing wound. *rolls eyes* I remember this one time, where he and I were going out, and he told his boss that he missed his shift at work because he had an asthma attack and was rushed to the hospital. A fairly good story in itself, wouldn't you say???? Well, being the "dramatic actor" that he is, he just *had* to ham it up even more, stating that they(the hospital) had to give him a shot of adrenaline in the chest a la "Pulp Fiction"(I think that's what they shot in Uma Thurman's chest, something starting with an 'A'.). He walked up to her all limpy and just weird, I felt like such a moron and deceiver even being involved. *shudder*.

Anyhoo....

That was my main reason for not saying anything to him. I didn't really want to be involved in his mess of a life anyway, but I figured he's been pretty un-rageful, so I'd be nice and wish him luck - he needs some. He replied with a "yeah, I'm full of rage, you ditched me, so bite me, and bite him too". WOAH. There was much more to that, because he is very dramatic, but I really don't remember what it all said.

Of course I ditched him. I mean, I didn't talk to him prior to dating him, so my feelings towards that are why continue to be friends afterwards?? Especially if we broke up on a sour note, and everything he's said after has been hurtful, and I KNOW aimed towards me and my happiness. Freckles told me, the reason he is sending out this whole negative vibe and writing nasty, scathing away messages is because "[his are] so full of hate, while yours(that is, mine) are so full of ...love. He's doing it to you because you write all this stuff to your guy(little messages, like "you got major brownie points"), and he reads it and points it all out to me..." so on and so forth. It's childish. Immature. Tom-foolery *heh*. Just plain silly. As I told Freckles, "I'm not leaving those messages to piss him off; they aren't for him. I'm leaving them for my boyfriend to show him how much I care for him. *shrugs*". It makes perfect sense to me. Hell, I told the ex I was going to be seeing my HD as more than my friend when I found out, I didn't beat around the bush or anything. So it isn't like I left him hanging with the idea that we could get back together, because that idea had simply been null and voided when HD and I became a couple. Null and voided right after we broke up, actually - I really didnt' like the dramatic life-style. That, and I was simply a rebound girl, I know it, he knows it, he just won't admit it to himself. I'm really not one to sink down to an immature level. That's simply not my style. So letting him know, just seemed like the right thing to do.

And then of course, when I told him, he flaked on me. *sigh* What makes it all even funnier, is the fact that we had had a similar talk in the beginning of our relationship, and he said if I left him for HD he would be OK with it, because he is a nice guy (HD), and he could understand and all that jazz. Now he throws that back in my face as well.

An even funnier/ironic memory just floated across my mind. We were supposed to talk, just *talk* right after we broke up. Just to see if we could be friends and all that jazz. Well, He was going to come in on one of my lunch breaks at work, this was on a Saturday, and as it turns out I didn't get a lunch break, so I called him to cancel. I told him, "call me, so we can do this again at a more convientent time, k?". He never called me back. Just as I said before, in a past entry, he waits for everyone to come to him. He never takes the initative. *I* took the initative today, and he pretty much slapped me across the face. So do I feel like ever hanging out with him again? Especially since I KNOW he hates my love and I KNOW he hates me(intense dislike, anyway)? No, no I don't think I shall. My current situation is much much MUCH happier with one less friend.

*sigh* this has been one gigantic rant. It just makes me so angry that there are such thick-headed selfish people out there. Angry, and sad for him. I shouldn't feel that way though, because if you act like an ass, then you're probably going to be treated like one. And if all of the above isn't acting like an ass...I don't know what is. But I feel better now, that I've vented...

Other than *THAT* little escapade, I had a fairly nice night. My night didn't really begin until about 10PM, 'cuz my HD had karate(he's a teacher) and got out pretty late. Make that, really late. But that's ok, we still got to see one another, and we went on one of our lovely walks. It was such a hot, icky, HUMID day today *blah*. Not the bestest of days to be walking. But then again, tomorrow is going to be almost 100, so that's not really something that I'm looking forward to. Ah well, I bitched about the rain *insert foot in mouth riiiiiiiight......NOW*.

We've got tomorrow night, then Friday I'm going to Dorney Park *heh*. So excited. 'Course, I'm leaving the house at 6:45AM on Friday, and probably won't be getting home until 3/4AM when I'm out with HD the night before...sooooo, 2 hours of sleep then walking around a theme park isnt' that bad, right? RIGHT??? yeah....it's gonna be a blast.

 

[lil_loser]

I'm going to be playing pool in a dress. I always hated seeing other girls at the pool hall coming in in dresses - I just doesn't seem to fit the atmosphere. But today I decided to wear a dress, 'cuz it's such a nice day, and I have yet to wear this one and I *know* HD'll appreciate it. *heh* Main reasons why wearing one. HOWEVER, I really wanted to play pool tonight, but I really want to wear the dress, SO I suppose I'll just have to be a hypocrite for one day. (hah, minus all the *other* days, right? *shhhhhh* no one knows!)

The guys are currently over. Sassy, Mateo, Nurm. Everyone pretty much but Danimal - he had to write up a resume for some job. Just didnt' realize he needed it to be done by tomorrow at noonish. What a kick in the balls, eh? *HAH* like I would know...

I feel uber feminine and sexy today, however I still look in the mirror and am able to critique my figure. I was told last night that I was "so fucking sexy" and I believe the source...but I still have my own self doubts. I shouldn't though, I know I turn heads in the *good* way, but I look at my thighs and wonder why they have to be so...thighish. It's curvy, right? Salma Hayek is incredibly curvy, sexy as all hell. I mean, she is *gorgeous*. I look like a woman, where as I look at all other chicks my age, and see almost a tomboyish figure, small tits, small waists. And I'm jealous. I look at myself, and I see well, curves. Too much curves. *sigh* this is probably a rant that most people will read and want to smack me upside the head, and I can understand why. But seriously, I just wish I was a wee bit tomboyish, just a wee bit. I trust HD's judgement, but *rolls eyes* I still compare myself to those freaking magazines.

 

[lil_loser]

Yeah...

...I kinda ended that last one abruptly. Sorry. My HD had shown up sooner than expected - or I just didn't time it right, which seems more accurate. So yeah, I was ranting about my curvacious figure. But, I guess...as long as it can make my guy all excited - which is does -than my curves are wonderful.

*yawn* I really want to write more, but I'm going to be off to Dorney Park any minute now. I didn't get any sleep last night...wish me luck..

 

[lil_loser]

sweet sleep...and a pool hall fiasco

Oh goodness, I am so utterly tired. I just want to sleep. I've been up since 1:30 PM yesterday - over 28 hours - and all day yesterday I was busy, and today I went to an amusement park, so I'm uber exhausted. It's not as if I did nothing all day, as per usual - I was actually active *gasp, shock*. Yeah, I know, it's not something that is going to last. No worries there.

*yaaaaaaaaaaawn*

I had fun though, both days. Day one, I was out with HD playing pool - oooooo, I have a story about that one too! - and then he just kept me out all night so I wouldn't go to sleep. So he kept me out til 6. Then I got home, and got ready to go to the Park. *yawn* And then we were there from 8-4. Give or take a few.

Oh gosh, I need to take a shower, or else I'm going to go to sleep right hrere. Sorry. But yeah, I gotta tell you about the awkward pool hall situation, or else I'll forget. 'Cuz if you think I have a horrible memory when I'm *awake*, well, just imagine how it is when I'm so completely out of it!

Anyhoo, when we got to the pool hall, I noticed my HD wasn't being his usual touchy feely self(and he is uber touchy-feely, so nice). This bugged the hell out of me. I mean, when we were out in the parking lot, he gave me this nice long kiss, and went on and on about my sexy dress, but once we got inside, nothing. No compliments, no kisses, no caresses. He made no response when I touched him or complimented him or anything. I knew something was up, but didn't comment, 'cuz whatever it was would rear its head soon enough. So for about 20/30 minutes we played like this; him hardly keeping a conversation, sneaking away to play some music on the juke, just not being himself with me. THEN, as it turns out, this one table about 30 feet away from us had a pair of people - guy and gal - who were just finishing up for the night. Well, the two people playing pool over there were HD's recently ex-girlfriend(now just friend) and his bestfriend. I of course have never met these people prior to, so I didn't really pay attention to them when they were there, but HD said he saw them as soon as he walked in. And being that his recent ex has no idea that he is romantically seeing his bestfriend (ie, ME), he didn't go over there and say "hi" first, and didn't respond to any of my little affectionete touches/words, because, well, that would kind of be a slap in the face to her, don't you think?

*sigh*

So they came over when they were leaving, and HD played all innocent; he didn't see them at ALL. *nods* uh huh, sure. Kinda like "HEY!!!!!!! it's ___ and _____! ___ and _____ this is _______(introducing me, the awkwardness continues, ___ keeps staring at me, making me feel just lovely, I must say. *IMMATURE TIME* hah hah ___, you're just his friend now, not his *girlfriend*, 'cuz that's ME. HAH *sticks out tongue* so there *pffft*. Ok, done being immature.). Yeah, so that was awkward as all hell. ___ totally kept looking at me, probably because if me and HD are just friends, then why am I so snazzily dressed? 'Cuz I was, I'll admit to this. But ya know, I don't care. Let her think what she wants, if she brings something up to him, that's her/his deal, not mine. Eh. Whatever. Screw you ___!

One more immature thing, I know. What can I say? I'm immature.

But anyhoo, once they left, he was back to his normal perky touchy-feely self. And I now longer felt self-conscience that I did something to piss him off or whatever. And the rest of the night was really nice. As per usual.

man, I need to wash my hair, I keep falling asleep. toodles

 

[lil_loser]

rambling fool

It's 1:35AM and I should be asleep. I should have been asleep 4 hours ago, as was the time I went to bed, but here I am, back out in the living room sitting at the computer doing nothing. Looking at my feet really - I usually only do that when I'm embarassed, this is a slight change of pace for me. I'm sitting here with 2 sweaters on and a t-shirt, and I'm freezing. It's summer time, and I'm bitterly cold. Huh. I'm in the mood for peanut M&M's and we have none. We have plain, but they just do not cut it, ever. I'm rambling. And I don't know why.

I just wasn't tired, ya know. I went to bed out of pure boredom, and the fact that my brother's girlfriend was over and I just didn't want to talk to her, but I wasn't tired. I'm still not tired, especially after consuming M&M's, now I'm more awake than ever.

I'm in a really touchable/kissable mood(that's my pleasant way of saying "horny"), and I have no one to kiss. My HDis out with his friends for the night, and I won't see him 'til way later on tomorrow night. I had lunch with him yesterday, but I was pretty much asleep, so I don't really recall much of the lunch. And due to the fact that it was indeed lunch(and he was hungry), I didn't really get to kiss him much then. And I so just want to be cuddled/cuddling, it's keeping me awake. *sigh* I'm so whiney.

...currently playing card games, they make me sleepy...

 

[lil_loser]

Martha Fauker!

All my files are going to be lost. All of them. My music, my IM conversations with HD, my.... uhhh, that's about all I really care about...but *still*!! it's all going to be lost. EVERYTHING!

My computer is such a piece of trash. I just want to kick it down the stairs that I don't own and buy a new one with the money that I don't have. Piece of shit, hunk-of-junk, mother of all that is sacred and holy(not really, but I'm full of rage and the moment and not knowing what I am speaking). I am not a happy camper.

This has made me have such a foul mood all day today. I woke up, and the whole idea of having to go work and face *people* just did not sound pleasing. At all. I was full of rage until about...3. Just ignoring people, and feeling like my old self. Depressed and unworthy and bitter. Just grumpy. I can't even update this at home...*sniffle* Frustration...

I think I'm going to go home now. Read for a bit, go to sleep. Wake up and be in a movie. Go me. Goodnight.

 

[lil_loser]

i don't know

I'm in a crumby mood! I managed to save all of my files that I thought I'd lose, so I don't understand why my mood is so sour.

I was out with my guy tonight - thusly the late update - and everything was good, but I dunno. I'm just in a sour mood. I feel bad, because I didnt mean to be intentionally mean to him if I was, but if I was I couldnt' help it. I'm not mad at him or anything, just kinda mad at life in general right now.

I really wish I knew why....

 

[lil_loser]

sour mood and the reasonings behind!

Still reading Potter. I don't want to finish it, because I know if I finish it, then I'll just be left to my own amusement, and that "own amusement" is more or less me thinking, and I don't like what I am thinking right now[edit: this is why I've been in such a foul mood for the past couple of days. It just took some time to dawn upon me. That, and denile].

I'm giving my self anxiety attacks, and I have no reason to. I'm constantly nauseaus because I won't stop thinking about how happy I am. And I'm a very pessimistic glass-is-always-half-empty(unless it's whiskey, than that damn glass if half full!) type 'O gal, so I figure I'm not worth all this aquired happiness, and soon, it'll all be gone. Taken away from me. So, the ironic part of it all is: I'm so happy, it's making me miserable.

I'm just really scared. I've never felt this really good about anything in my life before. Their is always a nagging doubt in the back of my head with whatever I do.

"I'm not going to achieve this",

"I'm not as good as that person",

"I'm going to screw this up *somehow*",

That's the one I'm scared of the most. 'I'm going to screw this up somehow'. Everything is grande, ya know. My life is just so fucking grande, and I say this with complete honestly and sincerity. But the nagging continues to spoil just a little of it. I don't want to be a failure to my guy. And I'm afraid I will be.

I just need someone to slap me, tell me I'm doing everything O.K., and I have nothing to worry about. Someone to tell me to look in his eyes and try to find doubt, 'cuz there isn't any. I can't convince myself of this, which is why I need the reassuring slap. Chica, dont' say hi to me next time you see me, slap me. And if I still appear worried, do it again. I just want someone to slap me everytime I'm worried.

Slap me into sanity.

 

[lil_loser]

figured it out (officially)

I realized why I'm in such a foul mood!! Yeah, I know, I said I knew why before, but I'm an ass. That wasn't the reason why at all. I thought it was - it's a part of the mood for certain - but it's not the *main* reason to my glumness.

I was mad at everything.
And everyone.
Little things made me mad.
Little things made me sad.

It just seemed like my whole life blew, and there was no rhyme or reason for it, the only thing I know that I started to feel this way on Saturday (6/27). Didn't know why exactly, just that I did. THEN (I'm so clever sometimes...well, not really) I realized that it all started when I really started to crack down on Harry Potter. Yup. That damn book has gotton me so frustrated/sad/angry/depressed...

I love the books and movies, don't get me wrong. Good shit. But this book, has been nothing but whining rage-filled Harry, and as we all know, I really dont deal with rage filled people. Cool and collected is where it's at *wink*. So, honestly, I don't know what to tell you. I think I was letting it all just get to me. Because I know when I stopped reading and went out(yesterday, all I did was read, I think yesterday alone I read 400 pages) today, I just felt soooooooo much better! Just like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. I look back at how I acted towards my brother, towards my HD... :mope: and I feel like such an asshole...

*sigh* yeah. I need to finish it though. Approximently, 8 pages to go. I should really finish it, I hear the ending is happy...

 

[lil_loser]

Yeah, I'm pretty exhausted. I totally forgot that tomorrow was the 4th of July, and that means I have to be at work at 8:30 in the AM. Completely slipped my mind until about 3PM today...and then I forgot again when I went out with HD - so just getting home now and getting about...*thinks* 5 or so hours of sleep. Most likely less.

Then, *trying* to work from 8:30-10:30 at night. I dont know yet if they'll let me. What with OT and them being bitches about that...*grumble* I guess I'll find out in a few hours, huh

Well, hope everyone has a happy 4th, lucky bastards that get the night off. But I'm not jaded....

 

[lil_loser]

awake, barely

OH man alive...my eyes are burning. This is complete insanity on my part, who in there right minds get up this early!? Sure, school children, full of energy and zing (none of the ones I knew *shhh!*) and business men always on the go go go! but not people like me. People like me stay in bed until they get bored of laying down. People like me never make the bed because they know they are going to be hopping back in it in a few hous anyway. People like me are comfortable and not ashamed of getting up in the PM. *inhales deeply* Yup, it's early.

My eyes seriously do burn though. I don't have my contacts in, still questioning myself on that one. The glasses look cute, and hide the tired lil circles under my eyes. But my contacts...eh. I just looked in the mirror, and I am WAY too sleepy looking for contacts today.

*sigh* All americans', have a happy holiday. All other countries, have a good peaceful day.

 

[lil_loser]

ranting, raving, in dire need of sleep

I'm exhausted, my feet hurt, and I didn't get to see any fireworks *pouts*. But we only had two cashiers and no lines, so I'd say all in all it was a great day. Oooooooo, I also got an expensive piece of equipment that I have to take care of! A $250 walkie talkie! Yup, they somehow trust me to not break this thing, when I've already dropped it. Yeah...what the hell were they thinking!? And I know I'm going to leave it at home tomorrow, I just know it. I've been trying to remember to bring in my old namebadge for over a month now, but to no avail. Hopefully, this doesn't happen with my walkie.

It's smart though, that we have these things. Sure, they're a pain in the ass, and I get to hear all the managers bitch at one another over them, but I can also tell other LiR's I'm going on break or getting a layaway. So I *suppose* me being held responsible for it has some ups. I say this now, before I break it....*heh*

I need to shower though, 'cuz I feel scurfty. And then I need to write a letter to my HD and then get some much needed sleep. A 14 hour day in 3 inch shoes, yeah, I am an ass...

Oh my gosh though, I just realized how much tomorrow is going to suck! Saturday. After a holiday. Always the worst. People assume that our red/white/blue shit will automatically go on sale, and then they assume that *everything* red/white/blue will be on sale, and when it *doesn't* ring up at the sale price...WOAH NELLY! Back the *#$! up! I cower in fear of your mighty anger (I sound like I'm being sarcastic, but it's true. I'm a Virgo(western horoscope) and a Dog(eastern), so arguments are most certainly not my cup of tea. So yeah, I freakin' cower like a pansy.). Damn anger.

I don't know...maybe it's just me, maybe I'm a push-over. But there is no way I would ever get pissed off at someone for an item ringing up incorrectly. Just as I don't get pissed at someone if/when my restaurant order gets confused/messed up. It happens. *shrugs*. I know I have a very high tolerence/patience to human error, which, thankfully, makes my life very very stress free(my blood pressure is so low, people wonder if I *ever* get mad. 98/67 is my norm). But shouldn't everyone? No one is ever perfect, and soon the rediculiar becomes the redicul-ee. An inter-woven spiral. Empathy...*nods* a very good trait to carry upon your shoulders.

But people just get sooooo angry! Like, today for instance, a dude wanted to return a basketball that we deleted and the price was reduced DRASTICALLY (from $17 to $3) - but he didn't have a receipt. Well, without the receipt, we have to give you what the current price is, as we have NO PROOF that you paid full price. So sorry, that's how it goes. But he freakin' flipped. The girls at courtesy thought he was going to go around the desk and start smacking them around, he was seriously that pissed. And why? Because it was his OWN FAULT. He didnt' keep track of his receipt, got a hole in his ball, and now suddenly it is OUR FAULT that we didn't tell him the item was deleted and *whoops* didn't call him to make sure he still had the receipt.

That story really had nothing to do with being empathic...that man just bothered me.

It's even worse when people get all pissed off at the cashiers - who honestly don't give a shit what price the items you are purchasing ring up as, they just want the day to go go go, so they can go go go home - because 'that item was on sale, you charged me the full price'. The poor cashiers are just doing their jobs of ringing up the stuff, and taking the cash. They do not have every price of every item - clearance included - logged in their brains. People don't seem to understand this. They assume we are supposed to know what the price is of EVERYTHING, and pay attention because 'that one rang up wrong', and if 'we were paying attention then we would have known'(because, as I said before, we have all the prices memorized, remember?)....and the annoying whining goes on and on, and in the ears, and on and on, and 'why can't you go any faster?' and on and on and 'are you going to open another register' and bitch bitch bitch, whine whine whine, until you think you can't take another ounce of 'customer service'...

...and a new day begins.

Such is the life of the poor retail worker. I almost envy you people with you cubicles and sit-down desk-jobs. Almost. But then you don't get to deal with the "friendly public".

 

[lil_loser]

*yawn* Mornin'.

Nothing eventful to talk about for the past couple of days. I went to bed early, so I'm up early and was thinking of working out before getting ready for work. Something new I should be in the habit of. How long do you think this idea will last? A week, maybe two? I guess we'll see.

Time to start crackin'.

 

[lil_loser]

a long story that I somehow managed to draw out and make longer than it should be

I'm sorry. That last post was shit. It was a waste of your time, and a waste of my time, and really didn't accomplish anything. I had nothing important to say - nothing even important to me - but I decided to type something up anyway because I was bored. Was it pointless?
Yes.
So I'm sorry. It will never happen again. If I have nothing to say, then I wont say anthing at all. *nods*

Anyhoo....

Last night was interesting. Yeah, to say the least. Had to work, blah blah blah, then went out with HD. First, we played pool in this close billiards place, 'cuz Joe's is far and we were both pretty beat. It was fun though, I saw someone that I know - a kid I used to work with -and HD and I had a good time. The pool hall was really bright though, like, blindingly bright. *blah* Not a huge fan of the brightness (it just doesn't feel as 'cozy'). Anyhoo, then we left "_______ Billiards" and drove to a Quickcheck to get some grub.

Actually, we were going to go to the Dunkin' Donuts, and just kinda chill. HOWEVER, the "creepy guy" was working there, so that was a no go. He's soooooooooo creepy! He always looks like he's pissed off, and doesn't seem to be a big fan of us, because we stay there for about 2-3 hours each time we go. It's not like we don't buy anything or cause a ruckus. Not at all, we're both very respectable people and always always get some grub - hell, I always leave a tip. But he's just sick of seeing us, I think. Not like the other DD when we play at Joe's. They're awesome - clean our place when they know we'll be there *wink*. Yeah, they rock.

SO, skipped out on Dunkin' Donuts and went to Quickcheck and then just decided to sit in the car and play Hangman. As per old times(yes, we are very dull people. Dull dull dull. But happy). Just kinda talk and laugh and kill one another with words. So we chose to sit in a parking lot ("free parking" it said) by the streetlight and play some good old fashioned hangman. Fun fun fun!

We're sitting there, in the front of the parking lot that faces the main street, just playing our hangman and eating, when we start to notice cop cars driving past. We decided to figure out if it was the same car that kept driving past or many many different ones, so after the 15th time or so(we really didn't decide to figure out if it was a different car until about the tenth one or so), we figured out it was 2 cars: #15 and #"no number". Then after about the 20th time the '#15' decided to turn into the parking lot and check us out.

Joy.

He pulled his car pretty much behind us, slightly askew, and shined the spotlight right on my poor HD's head! 'Blinded' does not even describe just how...well, *blinded* we were. Well, he was, I was fine . No spotlight-tation for me. So license, registration, "How you guys doing tonight? You know each other; boyfriend and girlfriend? What are you doing?"(my response: "playing hangman *holds up the notebook*"). Then he walked to the other side of the car where *I* was sitting and asked me to step out of the car.

Joy again.

Officer: So how do you know Mr. _____?
Me: We work together, he's my boyfriend(I'm sure I said more, I really can't remember)
Officer: I just want to make sure that you aren't being held against your will;
Me: *nods*
Officer: because there are a lot of really weird people out there and I just want to make sure that you're safe...
Me: Yeah, I understand *nods* Oh gosh, completely, *laughs* he's not weird...
Officer: Well, we're going to run a background check just to be sure. You can go back to the car now.
Me: okey doke.

Yeah, the cop looked like he was *maybe* 3 years older than me, 5 at the most. So I didn't really feel awkward talking to him; just awkward because of the whole situation. And I felt really bad for HD. I got back in the car and told him what the cop told me, and he's like, "Well Yo, it doesn't help that you look like you're 12." (12!? *pffft* Atleast 16, thank you very much.) "And I'm twice as big as you" (which is pretty much true - he's 6'2", I'm 5'2". He's big burly guy, I'm tiny petite gal. And, ya know, I look like I'm 12, apparently ) So to take his mind off the police escapade(more or less just to lighten the mood), I continued with the hangman and chose words that pertained to the situation. "Intersting", "awkward", ect. About five minutes into that, the spotlight turned off, and the cop came back.

Officer: yeah, you guys were doing nothing wrong, it's perfectly legal to sit here and talk or eat or whatever. I just want to let you know that we'd rather be safe than sorry, because there are a lot of weird people out there.
HD: I'd rather you do check on me, because, yeah, there *are* weird people out there.
Officer: alright, you guys have a good night
HD:thank you officer
Me:you too!

So yeah, that was our rendevouze with the police dude. He then talked to another cop for about 2 minutes in the parking lot with us, and then they drove off. And remember all the times they had driven past us earlier? We sat there for another 20 minutes, and not one drove past after that. Shucks.

 

[lil_loser]

no shore...

I was supposed to go to the shore today. I actually went out and bought a bikini - I've never worn a bikini since I was 3 - and was really excited to go. HD and I had made plans a month ago, so (weather permitting) we would go to the beach or (for bad weather) a museum. And it looked like the weather was going to be fabulous...

Then work reared it's ugly head. He hasn't had a day off since June 30th(Monday a week ago) and won't get another day off til next Tuesday. That's....14 days in a row with no break in between. 14! All because we're understaffed and he is the only person that can do what he does (no one else knows how). God forbid they hire another employee.
"We'll just send our accounting manager out on busniess with no one to cover the shift and re-adjust HD's hours so he gets no days off. And we're covered! He just has no social life, but *pfffft* big-business's don't care...."

It's just not fair. I know, life isn't fair and I should stop complaining...but today, today was supposed to be our day to relax together, to not have to worry about life in general and just kinda...'be'. But no, now he has to work everyday for the next week and we have to push off our plans to accomadate the job that really doesn't give a shit about it's employees. And the only way he is getting compensated for this is getting overtime(which is time and a half; and they have to give it to him because he's there 56 hours next week) - they aren't giving him any stock or "good job pins"(five of them you get a day off with pay) where-as an employee who bitched about it or freakin' cleaned up a spill would probably be congratulated *and* all of the above. Just the fact that he does this with out complaining - I *know* he's pissed - but he goes into work with a smile anyway...irks my liver so. It's so half-ass, I swear to GOD.

He told me yesterday, he doesn't care, because if he cared it would bother him, but if he doesn't care, then he can go and be happy because he is getting a bunch of OT and getting the other chick in the C/O(cash office) out of getting OT. That's the only thing he looks forward to, to be able to rip Mich off of any OT she would be getting by working the week straight. And in a way, he says, it's OK, because he needs a new car (his has 190,000 miles on it) and he already knows what he is buying just needs the cash to buy it. So in the long run, it's good that he has to work work work.

It just sucks for us.

In an ironic kind of way, I have the next five days off because of vacation, where as he has to work the next seven. Yippy skippy.

So no shore. Or museum. No nothing. Not even pool. Oooooooo, about pool though...the next time we go to Joe's it's going to be black lit pool! Cool huh? Yeah, Joe just started to put in the lights and started painting some of the walls and buying pool cues and balls and all that fun stuff. I'm really looking forward to going there (whenever *that* is) and hoping that it'll be awesome. I love Joe's as it is, but if it can be even better, well, I'm all for that.

About work too, I forgot to mention....
Loudmouth moved/transferred
Mr. Motorcycle quit
Ghetto Booty is in the process of quitting
Asst. Mgr. Preggers is on leave
and Asst. Mgr. Flaming is here

Yeah, Preggers left last Friday for maternity leave and Flaming started work last Thursday. He's actually really cool, we had him as a trainee for a brief period of time, and then he went to the Princeton store. But he's really easy to get along with and joke around with, and a tad...questionable(he's lispy and somewhat feminine...I dunno if he is or not, it really doesn't matter to me, personally. But gay guys are just awesome in my book. Half of the Gay Duo works there, and he's a riot. God, I totally got off topic, anyway, if Flaming is just a flamboyantly straight guy, or a gay guy it matters none to me, I like him as a manager already.). Definetly a good replacement for Preggers - she was cool too, but only when she didn't give a shit anymore because she was leaving. Before, she was pretty scary.

Mr. Motorcycle quit about 2 weeks ago because he got a better job fixing cars and didn't need to work 2 jobs. I can understand this, and didn't bitch him out(like LiR Lisa did) when he left; he only had one day off a week, and on the days that he worked he worked from 9AM to 10:30PM from one job to the other. It wasn't fair to him. So yeah, I completley understood why he left. He's missed, but his girlfriend - Get's Around still works with us, so we see him ocassionally.
And Ghetto Booty is leaving because she says she needs more money. Which makes sense too, she's going to college soon, will probably be leaving anyway and she needs training in what she wants to do for her future. She's going to work in a hospital and be an EMT. I don't know if they are actually going to be pay her better, to be honest, but atleast she'll get the training that she needs. She atleast put in two weeks, so I'll see her for the next two weeks and bit my farewell. *sniffle* and to think, I didn't like her when I first met her(only because she had a crush on my guy...*heh* petty woman that I am). I'm really going to miss her.
Loudmouth left on the 27th, I had just forgotton to write that here. I didn't get to wish her well with her life, because the 27th was a Friday, and I didn't work Friday. So I missed her. But she moved to North Carolina, because her husband is in the Army/Military and is going to be stationed down there. She was only staying here until she graduated highschool, then off to NC she went. Good luck to her. She was a really sweet, funny chica, and it's a shame that she had to go - she got along with everyone and was a good worker. And I didn't even get to say goodbye...

Gosh, I've rambled enough about everything. I should do *something* with my day. Mail bills, I think.

 

[lil_loser]

missing files search

I didnt' realize how much I lost. Yes, I was able to back up most of my files, but all the other files that I was unable to back up - the main file with all the music I listen to on a daily basis - was trashed. So I'm sitting here loading my Winamp and loading a playlist that i managed to save, and realizing that all the songs on the playlist are deleted. This really blows.
No:
Yellowcard
Thursday
Taking Back Sunday
A.F.I.
All-American Rejects
Slick Shoes
The Juliana Theory
The Ataris
The Starting Line


Dang.

I'm glad I atleast have them saved on a playlist so I remember who the hell I have to get. I mean, I never would have forgotton Yellowcard - listening to them now - 'cuz they are just so amazingly awesome. And Thursday and Taking Back Sunday (Jersey bands! rock on :up: ) but a bunch of others...I still have to look through all the other playlists to check them out. I didn't even know all my Juliana Theory ones were gone. Highly disappointing. I mean, sure I have the CD, but who listens to CD's anymore? *rolls eyes*. I like mixing and matching.

And almost forgot! All my "punk goes pop" songs, I mean, can it get any better when "Nicotine" - A Japanese punk band - is doing a cover of Brittney Spears' "Baby one more time"? I think not. And that song I have yet to re-locate. *sniffle*

That, and I'm missing one of my favoritest movies - "Rejected". I had to go to a freakin' porn site to find it again.

Well, I guess I should stop bitching and start searching.

 

[lil_loser]

swoon-ation

*Kyaaaaa!!!!*

Just got home from a night out with my HD. He's so freakin' awesome - he said I was going to swoon tonight, and was he right!

Well, first things first, he told me I was going to swoon because he was going to wear clothes that I once had a dream he wore. So I knew already that he would look quite spiffy (super-sexy-uber-cool as I say he is) as he did in the dream. THEN, I get out to the car and he reaches in the back seat and says "almost forgot"(all smooth-like and quite charming, I must say :love: ) as he brings out a single red rose wrapped with a red bow. Oh my gosh, I was so shocked and just stunned, giggling like a school girl. The hugest grin, I swear I was going to have lockjaw.

It's so beautiful, and so sweet, and the fact that it was "just because". *swoon* so head over heals ga-ga for this guy. I mean, I've been head over heals ga-ga for him, since I've known him, but *now*. Now it's 'I want, no NEED to see you everyday'. *sigh* I just want to be with him forever and always. Leaving tonight...took alot of willpower.

Oh yeah, Joe's too! Almost forgot. He started doing the black-lit pool, and it looks amazing. I wore white pants tonight, and they just glowed neon purple, and HD's undershirt was like blinding. It's really amazing looking. Of course, we didn't play black-lit pool as a whole bunch of people were playing it and there are only 8 tables decked out like that (so uber crowd-ation) but still, Joe and us are like this *interwines fingers* so he gave us the run-down. He's such a nice guy. He's thinking of doing 8 other tables, but he has to make sure it goes over well - which apparently it is going over really well, so I figure in the next week or so it will all be black-lit. Awesome.

*all smiles* I can't wait until tomorrow night. (Hopefully) I get to see my guy, God, I miss him so much already. I want to hear him and smell him and taste him and touch him...everything is just so wonderful. I don't think I've ever realized how much happier I am with him. Even before we were dating I was *decently* happy. But now, I am the Queen of Happiness. *content sigh* So I'm off to dream of him and wait for tomorrow.

A single red rose...gosh...

 

[lil_loser]

It's 6:12, and I've done nothing all day. I'd say, today was an excellant day. Well, I lie. I actually cleaned the house - dusted, did dishes, the usual - and got more missing files. Joy.

In about an hour, all of my brothers' friends are going to be over. They're going to be having a "Halo night", with 'Team living room' and 'Team spare room'. It sucks to be in 'Team spare room', because there is no A/C. I point and laugh at those guys. However, 'Team Living Room' is quite comfortable. So we're waiting for Big Nurm, Sassy, Subby, Imm, Stosh, Mateo and The Sequel. Danimal is already here - *rolls eyes* where else would he be!??! - and apparently we are there is going to be some other dude I've never met - I've never met The Sequel either - so I guess I'll have to wait and see. Joy. Hopefully I get to leave all this at 11:30...just so long as my HD isn't exhausted.

:mope: :mope: :mope: :mope: :mope:

I hope he isn't sleepy. I really want to see him, but I don't want him to be exhausted, because that isn't fair to him. But I know he'll probably lie about it anyway, and say that he isn't tired, when he is...
...and Big Nurm just showed up....
And I'm rambling on and on about nothing that I can change. SO! I'm going to be productive and fold paper! (didn't see that one coming, I bet). Have a happy day!

 

[lil_loser]

another pool night

*yawn*

Good early morning, all. I just got home from a fun night out with my HD - apparently he wasn't too exhausted to see me tonight Which I'm really grateful for, but I'm getting worried now, because he left my place at like thr...oooooooooo, he's home!!!

Road work, damn. He had to turn around and back track a few miles, unfortunatly. But I'm just glad that's all it was...I was thinking maybe deer, so freaking many of them running around, jumping in front of cars....bastards. Anyhoo, he's made it home safe and sound, so now I can go to bed and not be worried out of my *MIND* that something terrible has happened. Worst case scenerio gal right here.

I'm pretty *yawn* exhausted myself. Tonight we played pool at a closer billards place then Joe's - real nice people there too - and actually ran into one of the workers of Joe's at the other pool hall. Yeah, when we first walked in it was like, "Heeeeeeyy!!! We got some Joe's regulars here Joe's is better fancy meeting you here go back to Joe's!." So yeah, all night the owner of _______ Billiards told us to keep coming back to his place and the guy from Joe's kept jokingly complaining about _______ Billiards. It was a very interesting fun night, I gotta say.

And then we went home...and I didn't want to leave. So we sat in the car for an extra 20 minutes, me not leaving, him not letting me go. *sigh*

"Cells ... dying from loneliness."

Yes, I believe thinkchaos's journal is so very correct in that aspect.

 

[lil_loser]

change of plans

:love:

*mmmm* fun hammock night tonight. Which was most certainly not the plan, it's funny how plans change, eh?

Well, we were supposed to go out to this one close city/town..."up all night/party" town nearby. Just to walk around and take in the scenery and have fun like we always do. The last time we were there was when we were just friends, and it was during winter, so I walked on the frozen river. FUN! But yes, as we were on our way there, we made a wrong turn...actually, no...there was "road work ahead" so we turned around and got a liiiil bit lost. So as we're sitting there at the intersection, HD's car decides to stall. Ut oh. Well, it *is* at 193,000 miles, but this is the first time ever it's stalled on him...so, being smart people that we are, we decided to turn around and go back to HD's place(it was just around the corner) 'cuz the place we were going to is pretty far away.

So, long story short, we spent the evening on the hammock snuggling and sleeping and being all around quite comfortable. One of those nights that you just wish didn't end. Yeah, ok, well, that's *every* night, so who am I trying to fool here? Yeah.

But tomorrow, see, I have to actually be productive! Check that out, I've got to work a full 10 hours and then spend the evening with my guy(I think, still not certain) and then work the next day! I'm going to move my lazy ass out of my chair and out of my *house* for crying in the mud, and do my job. Kinda looking forward to it. Hell, it's only two days, and then I get to once again sit on my ass and do nothing.

Why am I still up, I gotta get up in a few hours! NIGHT!!!!!