You'll see as I go
- Thread starter lil_loser
- Start date
I hate change
I looked outside today and cried.
Ever since I've lived here - in my general area of "hereness" - life has been quiet, peaceful, and very very lonely. I don't live in the city, and I don't even live in the town area of my town. I have 3 neighbors: my parents, my landlord(who I don't speak to) and Doug(who I also don't speak to, as he is never home) and no one else. This is all I've known for the past 11 years.
I fell in love with this. The loneliness the peace and tranquility; I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I lived in a city, or hell, even a town.
Perhaps this is why I hate people, and lack emotions for them - I can't deal with emotions, *at all*. Things don't usually "hit home" for me for many days; the breakup, I was fine with, when we were on the phone. About 2 days afterwards, I curse his name *cough*. My friend telling me of his failing heart, I shrug at. Shit happens. It's cruel, I know this, but I don't know any other way to respond. Even if my own mother was dying - which she is by the way, of PKD - it probably wouldn't bother me until I no longer saw her drive on by or heard her. The funeral proabably wouldn't affect me.
My problem is, I push and push and PUSH my emotions aside. Always wearing a mask. So usually, when you see me, I'm a cheerful bubble of excitement, bouncing from one thing to another, or one person to another. Not much bursts the bubble, as it were. That is, until I can no longer hide things and in effect, the bubble explodes.
I usually picture my emotions as a well. I consider this 'well' to be endlessly deep, however, it *can* overflow, and that's when I break down. I call it breaking down. I'm sure most everyone out there would call it normal and healthy. I don't believe it is healthy though, because most people are able to freely express their emotions - rage, pain, happiness, sadness - when they are occuring. I don't express mine when they occur, so a sudden bout of anger or sadness will randomly strike, and I look like an asshole(to the people I've struck out on). But it's all I know.
So getting back to the first sentence of this entry.....
I live on a farm. Next to another farm. And it's great. No neighbors - except for the ones stated - for 30-some odd acres. I have no complaints with where I live.
However, the other neighboring farm is no longer going to be a farm. The farmer died and his wife sold the land to a houseing development.
You can already see how ecstatic I am about this.
All my life - half of it, the half I can remember - it's been like this. Now suddenly, I'm going to look out the window and see 20/30 other houses. Houses that all look the same, and that will inevitably have someone from the 'city' move into them. And sooner or later - as it's happened every time a development has gone up - the people from the 'city' will complain that life in the country is too crowded.
And I'll sigh,
and cry.
And they will never see the irony that is this situation.
I looked outside today and cried.
Ever since I've lived here - in my general area of "hereness" - life has been quiet, peaceful, and very very lonely. I don't live in the city, and I don't even live in the town area of my town. I have 3 neighbors: my parents, my landlord(who I don't speak to) and Doug(who I also don't speak to, as he is never home) and no one else. This is all I've known for the past 11 years.
I fell in love with this. The loneliness the peace and tranquility; I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I lived in a city, or hell, even a town.
Perhaps this is why I hate people, and lack emotions for them - I can't deal with emotions, *at all*. Things don't usually "hit home" for me for many days; the breakup, I was fine with, when we were on the phone. About 2 days afterwards, I curse his name *cough*. My friend telling me of his failing heart, I shrug at. Shit happens. It's cruel, I know this, but I don't know any other way to respond. Even if my own mother was dying - which she is by the way, of PKD - it probably wouldn't bother me until I no longer saw her drive on by or heard her. The funeral proabably wouldn't affect me.
My problem is, I push and push and PUSH my emotions aside. Always wearing a mask. So usually, when you see me, I'm a cheerful bubble of excitement, bouncing from one thing to another, or one person to another. Not much bursts the bubble, as it were. That is, until I can no longer hide things and in effect, the bubble explodes.
I usually picture my emotions as a well. I consider this 'well' to be endlessly deep, however, it *can* overflow, and that's when I break down. I call it breaking down. I'm sure most everyone out there would call it normal and healthy. I don't believe it is healthy though, because most people are able to freely express their emotions - rage, pain, happiness, sadness - when they are occuring. I don't express mine when they occur, so a sudden bout of anger or sadness will randomly strike, and I look like an asshole(to the people I've struck out on). But it's all I know.
So getting back to the first sentence of this entry.....
I live on a farm. Next to another farm. And it's great. No neighbors - except for the ones stated - for 30-some odd acres. I have no complaints with where I live.
However, the other neighboring farm is no longer going to be a farm. The farmer died and his wife sold the land to a houseing development.
You can already see how ecstatic I am about this.
All my life - half of it, the half I can remember - it's been like this. Now suddenly, I'm going to look out the window and see 20/30 other houses. Houses that all look the same, and that will inevitably have someone from the 'city' move into them. And sooner or later - as it's happened every time a development has gone up - the people from the 'city' will complain that life in the country is too crowded.
And I'll sigh,
and cry.
And they will never see the irony that is this situation.
People suck
*Screams!*
Ooooooooooooo drama, it irks my liver so. People who live they're lives like they are on Days of our Lives, to what does this accomplish? Especially when they choose to include me in there drama. Ooooooooo drama...how I loathe you.
I don't want to write about this, ya know. My day was shitty, it started shitty, had a little bit of happy time - HD called and said we *could* hang out Sunday, I didn't think we were going to be able to - and then ended shitty. Shitty shitty shitty.
But I'm home now, and contemplating what to do next. Wish me luck all: I either need to yell at someone or take a yelling at, both of which I do not look forward to.
*Screams!*
Ooooooooooooo drama, it irks my liver so. People who live they're lives like they are on Days of our Lives, to what does this accomplish? Especially when they choose to include me in there drama. Ooooooooo drama...how I loathe you.
I don't want to write about this, ya know. My day was shitty, it started shitty, had a little bit of happy time - HD called and said we *could* hang out Sunday, I didn't think we were going to be able to - and then ended shitty. Shitty shitty shitty.
But I'm home now, and contemplating what to do next. Wish me luck all: I either need to yell at someone or take a yelling at, both of which I do not look forward to.
this won't make sense to anyone at all but me
I'm exhausted. I feel like I haven't slept in *days*, and I don't know why. I got 6 hours of sleep last night, which is decent, but I just feel like I could pass out at any given time.
Things are happening, changing - much is in development.
I'm excited and nervous. At the same time. Too much is happening, it's catching up to me.
I'm not complaining, I'm insanely happy, but just tired.
Changes are afoot.
*Good* changes.
I'm giddy with anticipation.
I'm exhausted. I feel like I haven't slept in *days*, and I don't know why. I got 6 hours of sleep last night, which is decent, but I just feel like I could pass out at any given time.
Things are happening, changing - much is in development.
I'm excited and nervous. At the same time. Too much is happening, it's catching up to me.
I'm not complaining, I'm insanely happy, but just tired.
Changes are afoot.
*Good* changes.
I'm giddy with anticipation.
I said goodday sir!
My back is a throbbing mass of pain. Sitting here, just *sitting* is making me cringe. I belive it started when I tried to lift up a box that was atleast 50 lbs heavier than I. I'm not good at estimating the poundage of said box - all I know is it was a "team-life" package. I assumed I was my own team.
Random Thought - if you want to hear a good song, that brings back memories, I highly insist that you listen to Ozma "In search of 1988". Good for an "80's child" like myself.
Well, today is the day. Shit goes down.
I paid my rent today, all the other bills around the 1st of the month, and bought a car yesterday. My bank account is screaming. I shrug. No more movie and fancy meals for me - I wonder if HD will take kindly to this news? I probably won't follow my own rules anyway. I'm bad at that.
Ticking time bomb.
My back is a throbbing mass of pain. Sitting here, just *sitting* is making me cringe. I belive it started when I tried to lift up a box that was atleast 50 lbs heavier than I. I'm not good at estimating the poundage of said box - all I know is it was a "team-life" package. I assumed I was my own team.
Random Thought - if you want to hear a good song, that brings back memories, I highly insist that you listen to Ozma "In search of 1988". Good for an "80's child" like myself.
Well, today is the day. Shit goes down.
I paid my rent today, all the other bills around the 1st of the month, and bought a car yesterday. My bank account is screaming. I shrug. No more movie and fancy meals for me - I wonder if HD will take kindly to this news? I probably won't follow my own rules anyway. I'm bad at that.
Ticking time bomb.
another 'confusing-only-YO-understands-it' entry
Well, everything that was supposed to happen has happened...
...with sexy results...(Simpsons quote - I gotta liven the mood a little bit)
But yeah, things turned out well. Now the waiting begins. More waiting for me, gosh, seems like I've been waiting for*ever*. Well after 3 years, a few more months is not going to kill me.
I don't think.
Wow, 3 years....in October....
Well, everything that was supposed to happen has happened...
...with sexy results...(Simpsons quote - I gotta liven the mood a little bit)
But yeah, things turned out well. Now the waiting begins. More waiting for me, gosh, seems like I've been waiting for*ever*. Well after 3 years, a few more months is not going to kill me.
I don't think.
Wow, 3 years....in October....
One big bitch-fest
My back is still a throbbing mass of pain. I know that when I am an old woman, I'm going to be bed-ridden or wheel-chair bound. Not a pleasant sight. The idea of having to sit for long periods of a time bothers me at the age of twenty, so I can only imagine how much it is going to 'bother' me when I'm older.
HD taught me some stretches, and my sis gave me a back massage, but I think some good ol advil will do the trick, for now.
I just want to curl up in a ball and weep.
But I'm strong, like bear *grr*....yeah...I think I need to lay down...
My back is still a throbbing mass of pain. I know that when I am an old woman, I'm going to be bed-ridden or wheel-chair bound. Not a pleasant sight. The idea of having to sit for long periods of a time bothers me at the age of twenty, so I can only imagine how much it is going to 'bother' me when I'm older.
HD taught me some stretches, and my sis gave me a back massage, but I think some good ol advil will do the trick, for now.
I just want to curl up in a ball and weep.
But I'm strong, like bear *grr*....yeah...I think I need to lay down...
sickness overcomes me
I think I'm ill. Hot and cold flashes, joy. I'm supposed to go out tonight out, the usual "thirsty Thursday"/buddy night. I'll go out anyway, sick or not, I just would rather *not* be sick. Lots of fluids and stuff, I suppose. It was funny, 'cuz I was actually hotter than HD, which is never the case - that boy is *always* on fire.
Your mom, naked, pouring milk on herself
- think of palm trees, and the disturbing image of your mom doing the above should vanish.
Should.
Yeah, i dunno, I'm in a weird mood. As I said before, things are changing, and I think it's all effecting me. Not necessarily in a bad way, just effecting. *shrugs*
I'm learning to drive stick. It's fun. Taking a little bit of time to get used to, but time is what I have, so it is no big deal. Atleast once I learn it, it'll stick with me, right? And it's best to know how to drive it, 'cuz then I can drive anything, supposedly. Well, I have no plans on learning to drive a truck any time soon, but you know what I mean.
I need some grub a dub.
I think I'm ill. Hot and cold flashes, joy. I'm supposed to go out tonight out, the usual "thirsty Thursday"/buddy night. I'll go out anyway, sick or not, I just would rather *not* be sick. Lots of fluids and stuff, I suppose. It was funny, 'cuz I was actually hotter than HD, which is never the case - that boy is *always* on fire.
Your mom, naked, pouring milk on herself
- think of palm trees, and the disturbing image of your mom doing the above should vanish. Should.
Yeah, i dunno, I'm in a weird mood. As I said before, things are changing, and I think it's all effecting me. Not necessarily in a bad way, just effecting. *shrugs*
I'm learning to drive stick. It's fun. Taking a little bit of time to get used to, but time is what I have, so it is no big deal. Atleast once I learn it, it'll stick with me, right? And it's best to know how to drive it, 'cuz then I can drive anything, supposedly. Well, I have no plans on learning to drive a truck any time soon, but you know what I mean.
I need some grub a dub.
intimitation and me
I've been told I'm "intimidating". *ME!?* This idea, I simply can not fathom. I mean, I'm shy, but does shy come off as intimidating? It hardly seems logical to me. Ex-boyfriends beg to differ. Intimidating, bah, bah I say!
If you've ever talked to me, - and happen to be of the opposite sex, regardless if I know you or not - you would realize that I am a blusher. It does not matter if I find you physically attractive or ugly as sin, I will blush. I don't believe that blushing is a sign of "intimidation" though...*thinks*. And I don't believe that I am the only person who thinks this way.
That, and I find intimidating people to be somewhat of "leaders". I would *never* consider myself a leader. It's not that I don't belive that I would be a good leader, nay, it's just that I only prefer to have responsibility for myself, my actions. The idea of 'captivating and audience' gives me the chills...another thing an "intimidator" would probably not get! (I'm going out on a limb here, but bare with.)
"Intimidators" are supposed to be the 'scary bitch women'. Women that as HD said today "know where they're going with their lives and will step on my heels if I walk to slow". If anything, I'll try to *accomodate* you! My tempermant is that of an INFP - aka, a "Healing Idealist". Only 1 percent of the human population - supposedly, how do they know this, I wonder... - so if anything I will go out of my way to be non-intimidating and accomidating.
So why have I been told that I am intimidating??? It's something that I've asked the ex's, and they have never given me a straight answer. I've gotton "pretty" and "quiet" as the most often used explainations, but I don't believe that is all.
Oh.
And one girl that I went to school with, Squeaky, said I scared the heck out of her. How is that possible??? I was the dork who sat in the corner and wrote poetry - haiku's 'cuz GOD, regular poety sucks sooooooo much - and kept to myself. I was quiet, yes, didn't really talk to her, but I didn't talk to anyone. That, and she was a grade below me. I was a loser baby, sob story, yada yada. *pushes that away*. She said I was the "cool, quiet, scary chick". I guess I could have been described as such, minus the 'cool' part. Feh... Squeaky's great now, I 'blossomed' and chatted it up with her, and she's just totally awesome - a chick I get along with - there are few and far between I would actually 'hang out' with *shudder*...women...(but that is another rant), but she is one of the 'good' ones.
Now, to put a devil's advocate-twist on this, HD said he never found me remotely intimidating when he met me. Could that be because we started out at friends rather than "flings"? If that is the case, then where does Squeaky fit into all of this?
The only thing that I can think of is the shyness quotant. People automatically assume that shy folks are 'stuck up snobs'. Hardly. Most of the shy people that I have encounted are just that, SHY! Nervous, usually have had some kind of abuse in their lives - whether it be playground bullying, verbal, mental, or abuse from the 'rents - and just have yet to find someone that they can turn to and trust. I was the same way. I never thought I was beautiful until I was 19. 19! Talk about traumatizing. I had always assumed stares that I received from men were because I was hidious, because that was all I knew as I was growing up - Bleach Blonde Boy[hair](remember when I mentioned that a looooooong time ago? it finally rears its ugly head) caused so much complete lack of human trust, body issues, emotional understanding, the whole deal. So yeah, that took healing. Seven years of healing *laughs*. Damn, no psycho trip though, go me!!
Anyway, I hate writing these "poor me" tales, but ya know, sometimes it's soooo good to just vent. I've never told anyone of my Bleach Blonde Boy horrors - not Chica, lil Chica or HD. Some time though, they'll break free. Probably on here first.
BBB is the only person I have ever physically wanted to kill. Which is a horrible thing to say, but he killed me 7 times over.
I've been told I'm "intimidating". *ME!?* This idea, I simply can not fathom. I mean, I'm shy, but does shy come off as intimidating? It hardly seems logical to me. Ex-boyfriends beg to differ. Intimidating, bah, bah I say!
If you've ever talked to me, - and happen to be of the opposite sex, regardless if I know you or not - you would realize that I am a blusher. It does not matter if I find you physically attractive or ugly as sin, I will blush. I don't believe that blushing is a sign of "intimidation" though...*thinks*. And I don't believe that I am the only person who thinks this way.
That, and I find intimidating people to be somewhat of "leaders". I would *never* consider myself a leader. It's not that I don't belive that I would be a good leader, nay, it's just that I only prefer to have responsibility for myself, my actions. The idea of 'captivating and audience' gives me the chills...another thing an "intimidator" would probably not get! (I'm going out on a limb here, but bare with.)
"Intimidators" are supposed to be the 'scary bitch women'. Women that as HD said today "know where they're going with their lives and will step on my heels if I walk to slow". If anything, I'll try to *accomodate* you! My tempermant is that of an INFP - aka, a "Healing Idealist". Only 1 percent of the human population - supposedly, how do they know this, I wonder... - so if anything I will go out of my way to be non-intimidating and accomidating.
So why have I been told that I am intimidating??? It's something that I've asked the ex's, and they have never given me a straight answer. I've gotton "pretty" and "quiet" as the most often used explainations, but I don't believe that is all.
Oh.
And one girl that I went to school with, Squeaky, said I scared the heck out of her. How is that possible??? I was the dork who sat in the corner and wrote poetry - haiku's 'cuz GOD, regular poety sucks sooooooo much - and kept to myself. I was quiet, yes, didn't really talk to her, but I didn't talk to anyone. That, and she was a grade below me. I was a loser baby, sob story, yada yada. *pushes that away*. She said I was the "cool, quiet, scary chick". I guess I could have been described as such, minus the 'cool' part. Feh... Squeaky's great now, I 'blossomed' and chatted it up with her, and she's just totally awesome - a chick I get along with - there are few and far between I would actually 'hang out' with *shudder*...women...(but that is another rant), but she is one of the 'good' ones.
Now, to put a devil's advocate-twist on this, HD said he never found me remotely intimidating when he met me. Could that be because we started out at friends rather than "flings"? If that is the case, then where does Squeaky fit into all of this?
The only thing that I can think of is the shyness quotant. People automatically assume that shy folks are 'stuck up snobs'. Hardly. Most of the shy people that I have encounted are just that, SHY! Nervous, usually have had some kind of abuse in their lives - whether it be playground bullying, verbal, mental, or abuse from the 'rents - and just have yet to find someone that they can turn to and trust. I was the same way. I never thought I was beautiful until I was 19. 19! Talk about traumatizing. I had always assumed stares that I received from men were because I was hidious, because that was all I knew as I was growing up - Bleach Blonde Boy[hair](remember when I mentioned that a looooooong time ago? it finally rears its ugly head) caused so much complete lack of human trust, body issues, emotional understanding, the whole deal. So yeah, that took healing. Seven years of healing *laughs*. Damn, no psycho trip though, go me!!
Anyway, I hate writing these "poor me" tales, but ya know, sometimes it's soooo good to just vent. I've never told anyone of my Bleach Blonde Boy horrors - not Chica, lil Chica or HD. Some time though, they'll break free. Probably on here first.
BBB is the only person I have ever physically wanted to kill. Which is a horrible thing to say, but he killed me 7 times over.
Ah, I lie....
...the 'horrors' broke through with HD last night, not on here first, as I expected. We were talking about how evil school was, how we got to that topic was from religion - we discuss sooo much random shit, somehow it flows - and I spilled. It felt amazingly good. Just to get rid of all these pented up emotions - or lack there-of - of human kind.
But yeah, I want to say more, but I physically can't.
I have some kind of sickness, and I don't know what it is. And it's freaking me out. I've never felt this way before in my whole 20 year exhistance.
Just my face is on fire, but I only have a 97.6 degree temperature - my norm. I am insanely cold; my hands are freezingly numb. I am wrapped in 3 shirts - Tee, Sweat, Sweat - one pair of fleece pants, my robe. And when I go to bed, 3 thick blankets.
Still won't be enough.
The temperature in the house is 80.
Still won't be enough.
I have a headache, dull throbbing, and a very very *very* slight earache, on my right ear. Not even noticable. I'm not nauseas. And my lymph nodes in my neck are disgustingly enlarged.
I think it's pneumonia, but I've never had pneumonia, and I don't *feel* any thing wrong with my chest. I dont know what else though. I feel like just dying, and crying. Two things I really don't want to participate in.
I'm going to re-take the temperature.
Sorry about the edit, my 'puter is freakin and I am really very out of it. Expect many more 'edits' on this bad boy.
If anyone has any ideas as to what the hell i have, please pm me. I have no clue, and I'm freaked.
...the 'horrors' broke through with HD last night, not on here first, as I expected. We were talking about how evil school was, how we got to that topic was from religion - we discuss sooo much random shit, somehow it flows - and I spilled. It felt amazingly good. Just to get rid of all these pented up emotions - or lack there-of - of human kind.
But yeah, I want to say more, but I physically can't.
I have some kind of sickness, and I don't know what it is. And it's freaking me out. I've never felt this way before in my whole 20 year exhistance.
Just my face is on fire, but I only have a 97.6 degree temperature - my norm. I am insanely cold; my hands are freezingly numb. I am wrapped in 3 shirts - Tee, Sweat, Sweat - one pair of fleece pants, my robe. And when I go to bed, 3 thick blankets.
Still won't be enough.
The temperature in the house is 80.
Still won't be enough.
I have a headache, dull throbbing, and a very very *very* slight earache, on my right ear. Not even noticable. I'm not nauseas. And my lymph nodes in my neck are disgustingly enlarged.
I think it's pneumonia, but I've never had pneumonia, and I don't *feel* any thing wrong with my chest. I dont know what else though. I feel like just dying, and crying. Two things I really don't want to participate in.
I'm going to re-take the temperature.
Sorry about the edit, my 'puter is freakin and I am really very out of it. Expect many more 'edits' on this bad boy.
If anyone has any ideas as to what the hell i have, please pm me. I have no clue, and I'm freaked.
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better, thankfully
I feel better. Not 100% but I ate today and have so far managed to keep it all down. Which is a definate plus. And I took the day off from work and stayed in bed all day long. All day, no lie. Got outta bed at...6PM, from a phone call. Or else I would have stayed in bed all day to all night *smiles* yeah, I felt disgusting.
I still have yet to get something for my mom for the big ol mothers day schpeel. Bad luck to fall ill the week prior. But that's really no excuse - I could have bought her a gift months ago. Procrastination...that and I don't have any idea as to what it is that she would want. The old stand by of chocolate, but then the little siblings will probably devour that. I dunno, something'll come to me. It better
blarbity blarb blarb...God I'm dull...
I feel better. Not 100% but I ate today and have so far managed to keep it all down. Which is a definate plus. And I took the day off from work and stayed in bed all day long. All day, no lie. Got outta bed at...6PM, from a phone call. Or else I would have stayed in bed all day to all night *smiles* yeah, I felt disgusting.
I still have yet to get something for my mom for the big ol mothers day schpeel. Bad luck to fall ill the week prior. But that's really no excuse - I could have bought her a gift months ago. Procrastination...that and I don't have any idea as to what it is that she would want. The old stand by of chocolate, but then the little siblings will probably devour that. I dunno, something'll come to me. It better
blarbity blarb blarb...God I'm dull...
Eh
Sickness comes and goes, I assume it is the flu. Eh. It's the same schpeel as before, so I'm not discussing it.
Other than that, things are grande. I saw the ex earlier tonight, he's ok, I suppose. Still as dramatic as always. I hate that, as we know. Maturity and dramatic angst do not go hand in hand, and I just can't stand the dramatic angst. It's one thing to complain, it's a completely 'nother thing to dwell. He is dwelling *rolls eyes*.
Not on me, of course. But he never really was. Eh. *shrug*
But that's ok. No hard feelings, yada yada. I was out with HD, actually, when we ran into one another. A little bit weird. He knows everything about HD and I, so HD wasn't sure how to act towards the boy. That, and HD wasnt' sure if el ex-ola had said hi to me, so once again, not really sure how to be. But he really had nothing to worry about, because I'm not one to care too much and shit that has happened, especially since it wasn't huge shit. Eh, I say again.
I'm in the middle of updating you, and I fell asleep...
Sickness comes and goes, I assume it is the flu. Eh. It's the same schpeel as before, so I'm not discussing it.
Other than that, things are grande. I saw the ex earlier tonight, he's ok, I suppose. Still as dramatic as always. I hate that, as we know. Maturity and dramatic angst do not go hand in hand, and I just can't stand the dramatic angst. It's one thing to complain, it's a completely 'nother thing to dwell. He is dwelling *rolls eyes*.
Not on me, of course. But he never really was. Eh. *shrug*
But that's ok. No hard feelings, yada yada. I was out with HD, actually, when we ran into one another. A little bit weird. He knows everything about HD and I, so HD wasn't sure how to act towards the boy. That, and HD wasnt' sure if el ex-ola had said hi to me, so once again, not really sure how to be. But he really had nothing to worry about, because I'm not one to care too much and shit that has happened, especially since it wasn't huge shit. Eh, I say again.
I'm in the middle of updating you, and I fell asleep...
patience comes to a crashing end
I'm officially going to the doctors tomorrow...the day I was not looking forward to steps up to the plate. I think it's the flu, mom thinks it's TSS - how *that* would happen, I don't know, I'm safe when it comes to that shit - but apparently my symptoms are as such.
I'm lonely. Lonelier now than I was 15 minutes ago. That's highly depressing.
And mad.
I'm sick of men that just won't let go of they're ex girlfriends. Jesus fucking Christ. "Be patient" I'm told. It's hard to 'be patient' when he's busy making out with his old girl. Ya know, it's like, if you're over her, than be over her. If you still care about her, then why did you break up in the first place? To piss me off? 'Cuz it's working, working too well.
That's why, when you break-up with someone, you aren't supposed to be friends. Mixed feelings, emotions, it just doesn't work. If you care for someone, why break it off? Because you can't see an immedient future with them? Then you shouldn't see one another at all - you're just harboring those feelings. Call things off, walk or way, or atleast, for God's sake, take a break from one another. *sigh*
I hate feeling.
I'm officially going to the doctors tomorrow...the day I was not looking forward to steps up to the plate. I think it's the flu, mom thinks it's TSS - how *that* would happen, I don't know, I'm safe when it comes to that shit - but apparently my symptoms are as such.
I'm lonely. Lonelier now than I was 15 minutes ago. That's highly depressing.
And mad.
I'm sick of men that just won't let go of they're ex girlfriends. Jesus fucking Christ. "Be patient" I'm told. It's hard to 'be patient' when he's busy making out with his old girl. Ya know, it's like, if you're over her, than be over her. If you still care about her, then why did you break up in the first place? To piss me off? 'Cuz it's working, working too well.
That's why, when you break-up with someone, you aren't supposed to be friends. Mixed feelings, emotions, it just doesn't work. If you care for someone, why break it off? Because you can't see an immedient future with them? Then you shouldn't see one another at all - you're just harboring those feelings. Call things off, walk or way, or atleast, for God's sake, take a break from one another. *sigh*
I hate feeling.
allergies and stuff
Allergies. All those years of making fun of people with them - pointing and laughing, mocking. Yes, I am an asshole - are finally coming to bite me in the ass. *sniffle* I guess I'm deserving then. Still sucks.
My head is *throbbing*. This from the girl who never gets headaches - but once every other month. The blarring music does not effect my skull, no sir. But freakin' pollen! I feel so weak...
"Atta Boy" party is coming up. I'm excited, except for the fact that the party is going to be on a Saturday, and I work on Saturdays - all day. So I doubt that I'll be able to get off...highly depressing. I need to know the date, so I'll (hopefully) have enough time to take off. If there is a God up there...he/she probably wouldn't help me to get a day off of work for a party...
Allergies. All those years of making fun of people with them - pointing and laughing, mocking. Yes, I am an asshole - are finally coming to bite me in the ass. *sniffle* I guess I'm deserving then. Still sucks.
My head is *throbbing*. This from the girl who never gets headaches - but once every other month. The blarring music does not effect my skull, no sir. But freakin' pollen! I feel so weak...
"Atta Boy" party is coming up. I'm excited, except for the fact that the party is going to be on a Saturday, and I work on Saturdays - all day. So I doubt that I'll be able to get off...highly depressing. I need to know the date, so I'll (hopefully) have enough time to take off. If there is a God up there...he/she probably wouldn't help me to get a day off of work for a party...
people rant
I hate people that talk down to you. Well, talk down to *me* specifically. Either because I happen to work in customer service, or because I'm younger than they are, the feel they have the *right* to speak disrespectfully to me, and for me to just sit there and "yes ma'am, yes ma'am" them to death.
(Side Note) I wouldnt do it, but I totally respect waitresses that spit in customers food. Most people are assholes and deserve it.
Stupid People:
They look you over, head to toe - now at my job, remember, we wear vests, that have the store name on the vest, and our names on our badges - and ask "Ms. Wal*Mart!!! Ms. Wal*Mart, I'm talking to you!!!"
For starters, 'Ms. Wal*Mart' is not my name. I have no idea that you are yelling at me for you attention when you just shout out random names or "MISS". Or, fuck, people call me Ma'am. I reserve "ma'am" for anyone over 30. Being that I look like I'm 16, don't expect me to ever respond to a "ma'am" yell. It just won't happen. I just don't think you are talking to me when you say ma'am, not out of disrespect, I just don't picture myself as a "ma'am", sorry.
The all time favorite - a customer comes up to me, looks me up and down, stares at the name badge even and then asks the stupidest question possible - "Do you work here??"
..........
Noooooooooooooo, I made myself this vest to *look* like I work here. I know when I get asked this one, I end up rolling my eyes and sighing. I can't help it; blantant stupidity to my face absolutly boggles my mind. And it always happens in the exact way that I have described. If they didn't look at the whole ensemble, or just out of the corner of their eye, I could understand. But the fact that they have taken atleast 30 seconds to determine that indeed I *do* work there, yet still feel the need to ask....something I'll never understand.
The lines get long. It is a fact of life. Some people have the audacity to ask if I'm going to open another register. Let me make things perfectly clear right here - if I had another person to "open another line" they would already be on. It's as simple as that. The fact that the lines have gotton long, and there is no notice of anyone else hopping on register would mean there is no one else *to* hope on register. *shrugs* it happens. Everyone is in such a rush now adays. The worst, are the people that bitch in line saying "it's always this busy on Saturdays and they never have anyone...ect...." If you know that it always gets busy at that time, and are sick of waiting in line for those extra 5 minutes of your life - I know, it's *kiiiiiiiilling* you, right? - don't come in at that time. You *know* it's busy, you *know* we're short-handed, you *know* you're going to be pissed waiting in line. Save yourself, and us, the trouble, PLEASE.
Then they gotta single me out, 'cuz I'm a freakin' ''customer service manager'' and bitch to me that we don't have enough employess to run the store. That's great lady. I don't do the hiring, I don't do the firing. My job pretty much consists of helping the cashiers, not *hiring* the cashiers. If you know anyone that wants a job, send 'em our way, 'cuz as you said, we obviously need the help. Of course, I never say *that*. Usually, "I'm sorry for the delay, we're just very short-handed". Which is never a good enough answer, and the customer leaves in a huff. Ah well, can't please everyone.
Taxes. Just the other day, a lady - notice it's mostly woman? Yeah, I did too... - got into this big discussion with me that the tax was "too high" on a $139.97 item. The total came to $147.something.
"How can it be almost 10 dollars in tax? That's not what the sign said back there."
"The signs have the price before taxes..."
"10 DOLLARS IN TAX! That's unbelievable"
"Actually, it's only 7 doll-"
"I'm not paying for this, that sign was misleading, the other one I paid for....ect".
Thank GOD her husband was smart. The calculator doesn't lie lady, 6 cents on the dollar would make it $147, as "unbelievable" as that may seem.
Woman aren't the only assholes though. Men can be bitches too. But guys have the more "creepy" aspect. I mean, as far as I know, I've never had a female customer hit on me. Unless they have and I never noticed - I really wouldn't know what to look for. But guys...old men, young men, middle-aged men. For me, it's hilarious, because if I happen to be running register - a once in a blue moon occurance - and a group of guys are together, they'll all be talking all through out the line until they get up to the point of checking out. Not one of them will speak. Is it that whole intimidation thing again? I wonder, because usually a group of 3/4 will be joking and laughing and generally just yucking it up until they are the next customers to be 'checked out' and then they won't say a word. Atleast the women keep talking. It really doesn't bother me that they don't talk, I'd rather they didn't because then if they hit on my while I am on register, I can't get away - remember, blushing queen here.
Other than trying to hit on me, guys are usually the ones that ask if another line can be opened. But I think that's 50/50 on both sexes. Guys usually take the 2nd step though, and go up to the courtesy desk to tell the poor courtesy associate to open more lines. Because courtesy has control over that *rolls eyes*. I say common sense, but I think most people are lacking in that general department.
The customers that bother me the most though are the ones that know that I work there. I'll be walking around on my break with my headphones on, and my *purse* - so it's pretty obvious that I'm not working - and people will come up to me and ask me where such-and-such is. I used to be nice about it, but kinda point them in the general direction. That was before the incident with the purse and headphones. Some guy was yelling "miss, MISS!" to get my attention, and that was it. I think I gave him the evil eye and kept going, turning the music up louder(always keep a cool head...I kinda don't want to get fired). What gives him the right to butt in on my life, when it is clear that I am not working there, and every other customers just thinks I am one of them? Just because he happens to know my face? *pfffft* Now, the response they get is "Ya know, you need to find someone with a VEST on, because the people with the VESTS are the ones that work here." and keep going. It's bitchy, but not horribly mean, and pretty much gets the point across. I don't bother you when you are on your break, don't bother me when I'm on mine.
I'm done complaining - for now - and I feel better. Good night.
I hate people that talk down to you. Well, talk down to *me* specifically. Either because I happen to work in customer service, or because I'm younger than they are, the feel they have the *right* to speak disrespectfully to me, and for me to just sit there and "yes ma'am, yes ma'am" them to death.
(Side Note) I wouldnt do it, but I totally respect waitresses that spit in customers food. Most people are assholes and deserve it.
Stupid People:
They look you over, head to toe - now at my job, remember, we wear vests, that have the store name on the vest, and our names on our badges - and ask "Ms. Wal*Mart!!! Ms. Wal*Mart, I'm talking to you!!!"
For starters, 'Ms. Wal*Mart' is not my name. I have no idea that you are yelling at me for you attention when you just shout out random names or "MISS". Or, fuck, people call me Ma'am. I reserve "ma'am" for anyone over 30. Being that I look like I'm 16, don't expect me to ever respond to a "ma'am" yell. It just won't happen. I just don't think you are talking to me when you say ma'am, not out of disrespect, I just don't picture myself as a "ma'am", sorry.
The all time favorite - a customer comes up to me, looks me up and down, stares at the name badge even and then asks the stupidest question possible - "Do you work here??"
..........
Noooooooooooooo, I made myself this vest to *look* like I work here. I know when I get asked this one, I end up rolling my eyes and sighing. I can't help it; blantant stupidity to my face absolutly boggles my mind. And it always happens in the exact way that I have described. If they didn't look at the whole ensemble, or just out of the corner of their eye, I could understand. But the fact that they have taken atleast 30 seconds to determine that indeed I *do* work there, yet still feel the need to ask....something I'll never understand.
The lines get long. It is a fact of life. Some people have the audacity to ask if I'm going to open another register. Let me make things perfectly clear right here - if I had another person to "open another line" they would already be on. It's as simple as that. The fact that the lines have gotton long, and there is no notice of anyone else hopping on register would mean there is no one else *to* hope on register. *shrugs* it happens. Everyone is in such a rush now adays. The worst, are the people that bitch in line saying "it's always this busy on Saturdays and they never have anyone...ect...." If you know that it always gets busy at that time, and are sick of waiting in line for those extra 5 minutes of your life - I know, it's *kiiiiiiiilling* you, right? - don't come in at that time. You *know* it's busy, you *know* we're short-handed, you *know* you're going to be pissed waiting in line. Save yourself, and us, the trouble, PLEASE.
Then they gotta single me out, 'cuz I'm a freakin' ''customer service manager'' and bitch to me that we don't have enough employess to run the store. That's great lady. I don't do the hiring, I don't do the firing. My job pretty much consists of helping the cashiers, not *hiring* the cashiers. If you know anyone that wants a job, send 'em our way, 'cuz as you said, we obviously need the help. Of course, I never say *that*. Usually, "I'm sorry for the delay, we're just very short-handed". Which is never a good enough answer, and the customer leaves in a huff. Ah well, can't please everyone.
Taxes. Just the other day, a lady - notice it's mostly woman? Yeah, I did too... - got into this big discussion with me that the tax was "too high" on a $139.97 item. The total came to $147.something.
"How can it be almost 10 dollars in tax? That's not what the sign said back there."
"The signs have the price before taxes..."
"10 DOLLARS IN TAX! That's unbelievable"
"Actually, it's only 7 doll-"
"I'm not paying for this, that sign was misleading, the other one I paid for....ect".
Thank GOD her husband was smart. The calculator doesn't lie lady, 6 cents on the dollar would make it $147, as "unbelievable" as that may seem.
Woman aren't the only assholes though. Men can be bitches too. But guys have the more "creepy" aspect. I mean, as far as I know, I've never had a female customer hit on me. Unless they have and I never noticed - I really wouldn't know what to look for. But guys...old men, young men, middle-aged men. For me, it's hilarious, because if I happen to be running register - a once in a blue moon occurance - and a group of guys are together, they'll all be talking all through out the line until they get up to the point of checking out. Not one of them will speak. Is it that whole intimidation thing again? I wonder, because usually a group of 3/4 will be joking and laughing and generally just yucking it up until they are the next customers to be 'checked out' and then they won't say a word. Atleast the women keep talking. It really doesn't bother me that they don't talk, I'd rather they didn't because then if they hit on my while I am on register, I can't get away - remember, blushing queen here.
Other than trying to hit on me, guys are usually the ones that ask if another line can be opened. But I think that's 50/50 on both sexes. Guys usually take the 2nd step though, and go up to the courtesy desk to tell the poor courtesy associate to open more lines. Because courtesy has control over that *rolls eyes*. I say common sense, but I think most people are lacking in that general department.
The customers that bother me the most though are the ones that know that I work there. I'll be walking around on my break with my headphones on, and my *purse* - so it's pretty obvious that I'm not working - and people will come up to me and ask me where such-and-such is. I used to be nice about it, but kinda point them in the general direction. That was before the incident with the purse and headphones. Some guy was yelling "miss, MISS!" to get my attention, and that was it. I think I gave him the evil eye and kept going, turning the music up louder(always keep a cool head...I kinda don't want to get fired). What gives him the right to butt in on my life, when it is clear that I am not working there, and every other customers just thinks I am one of them? Just because he happens to know my face? *pfffft* Now, the response they get is "Ya know, you need to find someone with a VEST on, because the people with the VESTS are the ones that work here." and keep going. It's bitchy, but not horribly mean, and pretty much gets the point across. I don't bother you when you are on your break, don't bother me when I'm on mine.
I'm done complaining - for now - and I feel better. Good night.
sleepy blurb
I'm so exhausted, and I really don't know why. I first thought that it was mono - but my throat isn't sore. I don't know what else it could be though...I just feel soooo drained, all the time. I wake up, and want to go back to bed. I fell asleep on the couch today watching the Stanley Cup playoffs - how is that possible!? Devils won, by-the-by, but still, I've never fallen asleep during hockey.
I'm going to bed now....
I'm so exhausted, and I really don't know why. I first thought that it was mono - but my throat isn't sore. I don't know what else it could be though...I just feel soooo drained, all the time. I wake up, and want to go back to bed. I fell asleep on the couch today watching the Stanley Cup playoffs - how is that possible!? Devils won, by-the-by, but still, I've never fallen asleep during hockey.
I'm going to bed now....
new guy
I'm going to sleep now. I was pretty much asleep while walking, and Sunday - please, be proud of me! - I'm going to go to the doctors. I was going to go tomorrow - Saturday - but they are too busy to accept me. So I figure if I go to bed now, I'll be able to fit in atleast 10 hours of sleep, and hopefully that'll be enough.
Ummm, new guy at work, he's very handsome. Just felt the need to share - usually we get women as cashiers, so when we get a guy, especially a *good* looking one, it's always something to spread the word about. Anyhoo...
I need to sleep.
I'm going to sleep now. I was pretty much asleep while walking, and Sunday - please, be proud of me! - I'm going to go to the doctors. I was going to go tomorrow - Saturday - but they are too busy to accept me. So I figure if I go to bed now, I'll be able to fit in atleast 10 hours of sleep, and hopefully that'll be enough.
Ummm, new guy at work, he's very handsome. Just felt the need to share - usually we get women as cashiers, so when we get a guy, especially a *good* looking one, it's always something to spread the word about. Anyhoo...
I need to sleep.
All sunshine and smiles
I'm a happy chica. I'm exhausted, but I'm happy. Everything is coming up Rissa. I mean, I got my period, I still gotta get blood work done, and had the *worst* weekend work-wise but I got allergy medication, and got a "surprise" visit from HD which just made everything else un-important. And found out my Chica is working tomorrow, which brightens up my Monday drastically.
I need to get some sleep though, since it's almost 5AM and I have work tomorrow. I'm content though, yuppers.
I'm a happy chica. I'm exhausted, but I'm happy. Everything is coming up Rissa. I mean, I got my period, I still gotta get blood work done, and had the *worst* weekend work-wise but I got allergy medication, and got a "surprise" visit from HD which just made everything else un-important. And found out my Chica is working tomorrow, which brightens up my Monday drastically.I need to get some sleep though, since it's almost 5AM and I have work tomorrow. I'm content though, yuppers.
I great day
I'm still in a good mood - even though I had a whole post done and this silly thing erased it *pout*. That's ok though.
Today at work was a great day! I'm in such a good mood, it sickens me. Well, there was one little falter in the greatness, but nothing that is all that big of a deal because I know it doesn't matter. (I mean, country music *pfft* I don't think so. He's not a fan.) I didn't have to work with theSkanky Ho, got to work with my Chica, went on an extended lunch - see, I didn't get one on Saturday, so it aaaaaaall evens out in my book - and got a visit from Freckles. Remember I had thought he didn't like me because of the whole Guy and I breaking up? Nah, turns out he just quit his job.
See, they thought that he had rigged his inventory; he didn't but they badgered him so much that he didn't need that schtuff so he quit. 18 bucks an hour and all I don't know if I could do it. However, as I said, turns out he didn't rig nothing and he's such a kick ass manager that they wanted him back. He came back on a few conditons, and now make 22 bucks an hour!! again.
He also told me stuff about the Guy. He (supposedly) is over his ex, however I highly doubt it. It doesn't concern me though. I went on that ride and got sick at the end. It's just something worth mentioning.
Opposites do not attract at all, we're living proof.
He also got into a fight over something stupid, (not Freckles, he's level headed)has got a busted nose, and the chicks' not looking pretty...yeah, chick. Something stupid about his car. I'm amazed at how very very different we are. Ya know? Freckles told me more than I needed to know, and it just made me realize how insanely different we are.
It was funny, 'cuz Seany said,"I saw your 'Hunk O Punk'. But he isnt' a 'Hunk O Punk', he's just a 'Punk O Punk' now; and you say *I* need a hair cut", and then Freckles showed up that night. Is Seany psychic??? It was nice though, I got a hug from Freckles and we're on great terms again - if we were on 'bad terms' to begin with, I don't really know.
It was so good to see him though(Freckles), and just kinda talk about everything that I missed when I thought he hated me. HAH, funny. I should never listen to Joe again. *rolls eyes* Silly lad.
It was such a great day! *sigh* I appreciate everything that I have, and everything I *don't* have and just love love love life.
(No mention of HD, are you surprised???? *smiles* He's perfect, also the reason for the 'country music' blurb, and the reason I took and extra half hour on lunch. Yup, I love that guy.)
I'm still in a good mood - even though I had a whole post done and this silly thing erased it *pout*. That's ok though.
Today at work was a great day! I'm in such a good mood, it sickens me. Well, there was one little falter in the greatness, but nothing that is all that big of a deal because I know it doesn't matter. (I mean, country music *pfft* I don't think so. He's not a fan.) I didn't have to work with theSkanky Ho, got to work with my Chica, went on an extended lunch - see, I didn't get one on Saturday, so it aaaaaaall evens out in my book
- and got a visit from Freckles. Remember I had thought he didn't like me because of the whole Guy and I breaking up? Nah, turns out he just quit his job. See, they thought that he had rigged his inventory; he didn't but they badgered him so much that he didn't need that schtuff so he quit. 18 bucks an hour and all
I don't know if I could do it. However, as I said, turns out he didn't rig nothing and he's such a kick ass manager that they wanted him back. He came back on a few conditons, and now make 22 bucks an hour!! again.He also told me stuff about the Guy. He (supposedly) is over his ex, however I highly doubt it. It doesn't concern me though. I went on that ride and got sick at the end. It's just something worth mentioning.
Opposites do not attract at all, we're living proof.
He also got into a fight over something stupid, (not Freckles, he's level headed)has got a busted nose, and the chicks' not looking pretty...yeah, chick. Something stupid about his car. I'm amazed at how very very different we are. Ya know? Freckles told me more than I needed to know, and it just made me realize how insanely different we are.
It was funny, 'cuz Seany said,"I saw your 'Hunk O Punk'. But he isnt' a 'Hunk O Punk', he's just a 'Punk O Punk' now; and you say *I* need a hair cut", and then Freckles showed up that night. Is Seany psychic??? It was nice though, I got a hug from Freckles and we're on great terms again - if we were on 'bad terms' to begin with, I don't really know.
It was so good to see him though(Freckles), and just kinda talk about everything that I missed when I thought he hated me. HAH, funny. I should never listen to Joe again. *rolls eyes* Silly lad.
It was such a great day! *sigh* I appreciate everything that I have, and everything I *don't* have and just love love love life.
(No mention of HD, are you surprised???? *smiles* He's perfect, also the reason for the 'country music' blurb, and the reason I took and extra half hour on lunch. Yup, I love that guy.)
Thank you, and goodnight
Going out tonight, going out tonight.
Gonna have fun fun fun.
I am as giddy as a school girl...my goodness, have I ever been *this* giddy??? I dont' believe I have.
I need food though, I have yet to eat anything all day, except an Italian ice. I feel kinda bad being happy now, when most people on here aren't. Kinda like "survivor guilt" from a plane crash, but not nearly as drastic(jeez, I could never compare myself to *that* what a horrible experience...). Anyhoo....
I was thinking about this all day yesterday, because that was when it occured. It concernes Bitchy and how absolutly horrible she is to the guy she is with, Seany. Now, they aren't dating, just friends with benefits, which isn't my bag, but whatever(me and emotional attachment, I just wouldnt' be able to handle the whoel FWB thing, no sir.). However, nothing he does is ever good enough for her. Nothing. I remember Friday, she had asked him what they were doing that night, and he said he wasn't sure, he only had a buck on him. She freaked.
"Only a dollar!? Well what Seany, do you want to do *anything* tonight? That's it, we're not hanging out, is that what you want?"
Just like that, those exact words. I was talking to Seany at the time, when she freaked at him and suggested they go do something *free*, like take a walk. It's cheap, obviously, and you still get to be with one another. She looked at me, smiled an ice cold smile, and rolled her eyes. OOOOOOOOOK, last time I suggest anything. Jesus, if I was a guy, there would be no way possible that I could stand her. She's a horrible horrible bitch. I don't think I even knew what a bitch was until I met her. What a *true* bitch was, that is.
I mean, I personally don't mind her. I work with her, and she does a good job, and has never given me any shit. I just can't believe how she treats her guy friends. All of them. She just uses them and they put up with her. I asked Seany, "Why!? For the love of God, why do you put up with her treating you this way?" He replied,"Because I love her." She treats him like a bank, and he loves her for it.
That's something I'll never understand. When I put forth love, I expect my love to be appreciated and returned, not taken for granted, or it simply is not worth it. Even if it's just the love of a friend, people that are 'friends' with people that don't respect them, that friendship is just not worth it to me. I never realized this until about a year ago. But I got rid of that friend, and haven't looked back. And my life has actually been much better for it.
It's funny, because I'm writing about this, and about them, and the song that popped on my MP3 player was The June Spirit Thank You, and Goodnight:
Well, I said,
Look at the way she treats you,
And the way she'll never hold your hand.
And when you're out in public,
How she stares at the other men.
And how nothing you do seems right.
And no matter what the subject,
All you do is fight.
You should lose the girl.
Yeah, ironic.
Ok, I really need to get something to eat now. Gonna have a good night tonight. Good luck all, with everything you do. Hope everyone is well.
Going out tonight, going out tonight.
Gonna have fun fun fun.
I am as giddy as a school girl...my goodness, have I ever been *this* giddy??? I dont' believe I have.
I need food though, I have yet to eat anything all day, except an Italian ice. I feel kinda bad being happy now, when most people on here aren't. Kinda like "survivor guilt" from a plane crash, but not nearly as drastic(jeez, I could never compare myself to *that* what a horrible experience...). Anyhoo....
I was thinking about this all day yesterday, because that was when it occured. It concernes Bitchy and how absolutly horrible she is to the guy she is with, Seany. Now, they aren't dating, just friends with benefits, which isn't my bag, but whatever(me and emotional attachment, I just wouldnt' be able to handle the whoel FWB thing, no sir.). However, nothing he does is ever good enough for her. Nothing. I remember Friday, she had asked him what they were doing that night, and he said he wasn't sure, he only had a buck on him. She freaked.
"Only a dollar!? Well what Seany, do you want to do *anything* tonight? That's it, we're not hanging out, is that what you want?"
Just like that, those exact words. I was talking to Seany at the time, when she freaked at him and suggested they go do something *free*, like take a walk. It's cheap, obviously, and you still get to be with one another. She looked at me, smiled an ice cold smile, and rolled her eyes. OOOOOOOOOK, last time I suggest anything. Jesus, if I was a guy, there would be no way possible that I could stand her. She's a horrible horrible bitch. I don't think I even knew what a bitch was until I met her. What a *true* bitch was, that is.
I mean, I personally don't mind her. I work with her, and she does a good job, and has never given me any shit. I just can't believe how she treats her guy friends. All of them. She just uses them and they put up with her. I asked Seany, "Why!? For the love of God, why do you put up with her treating you this way?" He replied,"Because I love her." She treats him like a bank, and he loves her for it.
That's something I'll never understand. When I put forth love, I expect my love to be appreciated and returned, not taken for granted, or it simply is not worth it. Even if it's just the love of a friend, people that are 'friends' with people that don't respect them, that friendship is just not worth it to me. I never realized this until about a year ago. But I got rid of that friend, and haven't looked back. And my life has actually been much better for it.
It's funny, because I'm writing about this, and about them, and the song that popped on my MP3 player was The June Spirit Thank You, and Goodnight:
Well, I said,
Look at the way she treats you,
And the way she'll never hold your hand.
And when you're out in public,
How she stares at the other men.
And how nothing you do seems right.
And no matter what the subject,
All you do is fight.
You should lose the girl.
Yeah, ironic.
Ok, I really need to get something to eat now. Gonna have a good night tonight. Good luck all, with everything you do. Hope everyone is well.