You wanted the best, you got the best...

[jasinine]

It is my duty (DUTY!)...

I noticed there was a "your favorite poem" topic on the forum here. While this is by no means my favorite poem, I didn't think it fitting to put it up on such a serious discussion. I kinda like T.S. Eliot though I'll admit to not having read much poetry at all.

And without further ado...

Title Unknown
By Zed

Gene, Gene, made a machine,
And, Joe, Joe, made it go.
Art, Art, blew a fart,
And, blew the whole damn thing apart.


Ill-fitting for that forum, not for my journal I think it ties in rather well actually. I'll grow up tomorrow...

 

[jasinine]

One day's worth of...

...more random thoughts...

-I wasn't able to get my "LOTR" game to play over the weekend as I'd hoped. Apparently Wal-mart has decided to slight everyone with an Xbox and not carry that particular game. Actually, I'm kidding, they just didn't get it in yet. Alas, not one to be let down (no video game is a let down? How sad ), I bought the game entitled "kill.switch." Not really a family friendly game but, come on, who wants that? First impressions usually hold pretty true with video games and this one is FUN. It reminds me of those games like Metal Gear and the Tom Clancy stuff only, take out all that sneaking around and mission bullshit that seems to get in the way of a genuinely fun run n' gun type of game. The mission is kill or be killed but you can do all kinds of cool stuff like peak out from behind walls and such to shoot and you can also hold your gun out and fire blindly from relative safety. Sweet! I'll be killing people all weekend long now. Sure, maybe not with Anduril or elven daggers, but an M-16 with an M203 will have to suffice... for now.

-I heard the song "So Far Away" by Dire Straits on the radio today. It took me back to when I was a wee youngster and I left my favorite stuffed animal in my dad's car. I didn't discover this until bedtime and my dad was long gone on his way to work. Just like any other kid missing a stuffed animal, I was very upset. I used to love that "Money For Nothing" song because I was just a stupid kid (actually, I still do) and I had that cassette (tapes! ha!) in my radio and fell asleep listening to it. Song number one? Yep, you guessed it. "So Far Away."

"Here I am again in this mean old town
And you're so far away from me
And where are you when the sun goes down
You're so far away from me

So far away from me
So far I just can't see
So far away from me
You're so far away from me..."

You get the point. I need to buy that on CD.

-I wish I had the awesome feeling you get when you look into the eyes of someone you really care for and know that she (or he depending on the whole gender thing) does for you in return. But, at the moment... wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which gets filled first. Bummer.

-Steak Fajita Lean Pockets are the best. And honestly, my workplace microwave cooks them to all their junk food perfection. I still might steal the damn thing.

-I looked at the Northwest Ohio Make A Wish Program's newsletter today. How sad it is to see such young children with terminal illnesses. Can we please stop sending money to foreign countries and give it to these kids here. Shit man, some of them want to do the simplest of things as their wish. My heart goes out to them.

-Keanu was on the cover of Entertain-Me-Weakly this week and everytime I pulled the magazine from out of my desk at lunchtime I would say "Whoa" in my best Ted voice. I have quite a good one too, I'm both proud and disturbed at the same time.

-Who loves to look at deer? "Awe, aren't they so graceful and beautiful? And look(!), theres a baby one. Awwwww..." You know what, you can take them. All of them. I've seen so many deer on my way to work in the morning that I'm sick of them. Not because I don't like them, oh no, it's because I don't want to hit one of the damn things. I know that for each one I see there's at least two more nearby that I can't. Those are the ones that bother me. And when it's dark in the morning now? Shit. You're on them before you know it. Even though I'm looking for them it almost doesn't matter. Bastard deer.

That's it, I'm out!

 

[jasinine]

An open letter to Mark Messier...

I got up a little before noon today... I think I stayed up a little too late (2:00 am) last night playing kill.switch. I put it on the hardest setting so I'm getting my ass handed to me pretty regularly. It'll make the game last longer though.

So I'm watching hockey this afternoon, NY Rangers and Philly...blah (gotta love NHL Center Ice on DirecTV though), and I realize that Mark Messier is still playing. Come on, man! Shouldn't this guy have retired by now? What gives? I'm sure the fact that I never cared for his style has something to do with my feeling here but, still, I think he should call it quits. It's not like the "Strangers" are going anywhere playoff-wise in the immediate future. Sure, he adds leadership but how effective can he really be on the ice? The game isn't played in the locker room.

My point is this... Mark Messier, retire already. Oh, and if you would by some chance get approached by the Blackhawks, don't accept any deals. They offer almost every aging veteran a chance to play with them, not just you. Besides, I don't want a guy who looks like an evil muppet in a helmet playing on "my" team. They won't though, they'd never pay you what you might want, so, retire. I'll give you a dollar if you do. Okay, two dollars and some change.

Please?

 

[jasinine]

"I kick ass for the Lord!"

I don't like to discuss religion but I'm going to maybe only this one time...

I felt compelled to go to church this evening. I don't know if I mentioned it before or not but, I'm a Catholic. (Don't hold that against me.) It now appears that there are changes coming in how people are to participate during mass. Basically, those in charge of these things have decided catholics are too stuck in the routine. Whatever.

Now, depite being raised catholic and learning all the teachings throughout my younger years, I am not what you would call a model catholic. By that I mean... I don't go every week and I participate in the most bare minimum of ways. Do I believe in the things I have been taught? Yeah, I do and I definitely believe in Heaven and Hell. I guess if I had to explain it further, I'm not really one hundred percent sold on everything. It seems like I take what I want from it and leave the rest. Which is actually alot like a salad bar.

So anyway, they want people to fully participate in every facet of the mass. This just rubs me the wrong way. (Kind of an amusing phrase when talking about the catholic church, I know.) I don't give money, I don't do all the "moves" like genuflecting and all that, and I certainly don't sing. Does this make me a bad person. Hell no. But I'm supposed to feel guilty now because I don't participate? As though according to the church I don't have enough to feel guilty about already? Uh, no, not going to happen. I sat next to a lady tonight who must have thought she was Ethel Murman. Can we please have rules for the people that do sing... and sing badly I might add? Like, tone it down a little bit, eh?

Basically, I just want to live my life being the best person I can. I have strong morals. I know what's right and I know what's wrong. Will I go to Hell because I tend to swear? I refuse to believe that's even possible. (I do have that nifty travel guide though.) Self lovin'? I won't lie, it happens. Oh, so the church don't like it? Oh well. I'm a good person.

I refuse to fall in line with things I don't really want to do just because I "should." I don't want to stop going but what I'm not going to do is play ball. I take the time I'm there to think about things and I use that time wisely. I don't just sit there and think about football or something stupid like that. I reflect on my life and find it very peaceful and worthwhile. Do I listen to the readings every time? No. Yet I still leave there with positive vibes and I'm cool with that. I think it's up to me how I choose to worship as long as I lead a good life. I've always done this and I always will. I don't think God objects.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

 

[jasinine]

Reading is Fundamental...

"I wonder if the books I ordered from Amazon will show up today?"

A simple question. A simple statement thought out loud. But apparently not one the people I work with expected from me. "You read?" they asked. "Like, real books?" Yes, real books, you jackass. I was hoping they were kidding, but I slowly found out they were dead serious. "What kind of books? Comic books?" Piss off. There was no sarcasm to be found. I wonder if they'd be surprised to know there are comic books out there that are smarter than them? Probably not.

I was (am) actually quite bothered by the fact that I come off to them as a guy who doesn't read anything more than the sports page. I do read the sports page, well, maybe just what passes for the hockey section in the local paper. Which, after I skip past the Red Wing articles, is about two or three small paragraphs of type. Screw Detroit.

Anyway, I've always read. Always. I mean come on people, honestly, I went to school for computer graphics. Hello? I'm extremely good at proofreading and I answer spelling questions for you without looking up the words... and I'm right. Drawing any conclusions yet? I like "Lord of the Rings" and "Star Wars", both things considered somewhat dorky to a certain degree. But no, I don't read. I've just somehow managed to get these skills without ever feeling the urge to crack open a book.

Whatever.

I'm a little surprised that I am so bothered by this "incident". To me, this is worse than punching me in the stomach and cursing my name. I don't want to be the one dimensional sports guy, or the guy who watches only action movies, or any of that "typical" guy shit. I want to be the smart guy, the guy who's too clever for most people in the room, and even the "dorky" stuff I'm perfectly happy with.

By the way... I got three new books. "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" by Chuck Klausterman and "Take the Cannoli" by Sarah Vowell. Both books of essays by the respective authors. I saw Sarah Vowell sometime last summer on BookTV or CSPAN (not sure which, and yes I did say BookTV) reading from her latest book and she was hilarious. The other book received an editor's choice review from Entertainment Weekly. I want to see what a well received book of essays looks like. I've been kicking around the idea of writing my own someday soon. No shit, I think I could. Oh, and the third book? Stephen King's "The Dark Tower V". Seven hundred plus pages, I can't wait to get started on that one. Lord knows he's kept us fans waiting a while.

And they say I'm a non-reader. Bah!

 

[jasinine]

Kodak Moment?

I have a question.

On page 90 of this past week’s Entertainment Weekly (The Holiday Movie Guide Issue) there’s a full page ad for Kodak. Specifically, Kodak digital photography. I have a Kodak digital camera, I like it. This fact matters not but, why not share my opinion? Afterall, that is what Kodak wants you to do anyway, share. “Share the moments. Share life.” Or so the ad jingle goes. I like to share anyway, regardless of what Kodak tells me. Sharing feelings, sharing stories, jokes, spare change, a stick of gum, needles... Whoah, how’d that last one get in there? That’s not right at all, I only use fresh needles. If you’re with it enough to have this issue of EW, please turn to page 90 when you hear the chime.*

Got it? If not, I’ll do my best to describe it.

The ad depicts two girls sitting next to each other at a table in a restaurant or club. Age wise, I’m guessing early twenties. That is, if I’m assuming the clear liquid in their glasses is vodka. If it’s water, they’re probably still in their teens. I guess they’re both relatively cute though neither necessarily catches my eye very much. The girl located at ad left looks eerily like a Cameron Diaz clone. The one on the right looks as though she may have a touch of down syndrome. Either way, they certainly look happy since both of them have rather large smiles on their faces.

Above them, the “special” Kodak slogan for this particular ad. “Share - a secret you should have kept.” And this is where my question comes into play. What’s the secret? Is it such a huge secret that Kodak can’t even let the consumer in on it anywhere in the ad? How the Hell am I to know, Kodak gives nothing away. Not even a hint. Those with less time on their hands probably skip right past the ad on their way to the week’s movie reviews. Yet other people, those like me, may look at the thing and wonder just what this secret could possibly be.

What’s the nature of the secret? You don’t think that they’ve got a dead body in the trunk of their car, do you? Do they have inside knowledge on the movements of al-Qaida operatives in trendy nightclubs? Are they themselves al-Qaida operatives? Are those really salt and pepper shakers on the table, or small explosive devices running on remote timers? Did Cameron fart? Maybe, just maybe, it’s a sexual type of secret. Did one of them (or both) just blow a random guy in the men’s room? Could be! This line of thought also leads me to think of another possibility. Just where, exactly, are their hands at? Sure the down’s girl has one raised above the table but that leaves three unaccounted for hands. Could they be diddling with each other under the table? And if so, where are the pictures of that action, dear Kodak?

I thought the key word here was share?


*If you’re still waiting for the chime, you’re an idiot.

 

[jasinine]

Football is the devil!

I got a call from my supervisor at work today, "No I don't fucking want to go in this morning." I thought. Turns out, he's got an extra ticket to the UT/Northern Illinois football game and wanted to know if I could go. Hell yeah, I'll go. I'll probably freeze my ass off, but I'll go.

The last time I went to a UT game I sat behind the dumbest group of college chicks you'd ever want to meet. Yelling and shouting stuff that just didn't mesh well with what was going on. Annoying. At halftime they all got up to head for who knows where. When they get back there's seconds left until the third quarter and one of them asks, "Did the band play yet?" Damn, girl! Yeah, the band played moments after your dumb-ass got up. Later that night we kept making obvious comments like, "Do you think it's darker than when we got here?" or "I bet the team with more points will win."

Of course, they were all too dumb to catch on.

 

[jasinine]

Football is the devil! - Part II

Before I left for the game today, I checked the weather channel for the local forecast. It was predicted to be 39 degrees and with a 50% chance of rain. What do you know, they were dead right.

Having learned my lesson long ago, I was dressing warm for this game. I put on thermal underwear underneath my jeans, thermal socks, a long sleeve t-shirt under my heaviest sweatshirt, my winter coat, gloves, and my blackhawks winter hat.

I still froze my damn ass off.

It was every bit of those 39 degrees today, if not colder. Plus, wouldn't you just know that it was constantly misting, drizzling, or raining all the while making it that much colder too. Call it stupid, being unprepared, or just being a guy - I also left my umbrella in the car. I had on leather gloves, not heavy snow gloves meaning that when they got wet they were practically worthless. I bought a cup of hot chocolate at half-time and honestly debated whether or not to drink it or just douse my hands with it in hopes of gaining normal movement of my fingers again. (The drinking choice prevailed.) We stood the entire game at the top of our section, the thought of sitting on cold and wet aluminum seats didn't seem too appealing. At least standing allowed me to move around some to briefly make it feel like one of my toes wasn't capable of suddenly breaking off.

All of that may make it seem like I didn't have a very good time. Quite the opposite. I absolutely love the college football experience. The crowd, the bands, the cannon that we shoot off after every touchdown, the six crazy assholes with no shirts on and a letter each spelling out "Toledo" painted on their chests. Just the whole atmosphere. And my true feeling is for mother nature to bring on whatever she's got. Cold, rain, snow, whatever. Bring it on, that's football.

It doesn't hurt that Toledo beat Northern Illinois 49-30 either. Yet, as I'm sitting here with the Maple Leafs game on in the background, I can't help but think that nothing beats going to a hockey game. Oh, and I need to buy a warmer coat.

 

[jasinine]

Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

Wow, I sound like a whiny little bitch in that last entry don't I? Maybe I exaggerate just a little bit sometimes. Still, in my own defense it was pretty cold. Let's just say I'm not cut out to be a homeless person and leave it at that.

I was looking through the Target ad this morning and saw they have a Pop Culture edition of Trivial Pursuit and a dvd movie trivia game out now. I'm sure these games are fun and either would make a great gift for me if anyone out there reading this wants to send me one. The problem with these games is that I would never be able to find anyone willing to play them. Everyone I know is too well aware of my talent (yeah sure, what a talent it is too) for knowing stupid facts and large amounts of movie trivia. I mean, if they're aware I already know stuff such as the fact Ernest Borgnine was in every movie released from 1967 to 1972 or that the gayest movie ever made is "Top Gun", who would really be willing to go up against that, honestly?

Like I said, I bet the games are fun but I'll probably never know.

Yeah, I'm bored.

 

[jasinine]

Ernie Borgnine would approve...

Tango said she'd play the Trivial Pursuit with me, how nice is that?

So um, who else besides Tango wants to play with me. Ladies?

 

[jasinine]

A thought and a half...

I didn't get my EW for this week yet, usually I get it over the weekend. Oh well, I'm sure the guys at the post office are enjoying it for me. Either that or it's being kicked around between stalls on the bathroom floor. There's a thought. Can't wait to get that one in the mail!

Anyway, since I didn't have it to look at today, I just sat there in peace and quiet and thought about stuff. Yeah, it's going to be one of those kind of posts. Aside from wondering just why there's a clock in the shape of a cowboy boot hanging on the wall of our lunchroom, I basically came to the conclusion that the internet may be evil. Let me explain:

Besides the endless amounts of porn (this can't be good for us as a society but, that's too deep a discussion for me to dive into) the internet brings people together that maybe wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet in "real" life. By together, I'm talking about a mutual forum for discussion, gaming, betting, cursing, you name it. Yes, even sharing porn.:tsk:

Sure, maybe that sounds innocent enough but, what happens when two people "meet" online who would like nothing more than to share a cup of coffee (not me, I don't drink coffee), or catch a flick, or something simple like that...but can't. Maybe they're separated by an ocean, in different countries, or even oh, I don't know...say, nine hours of travel time? I'm guessing it would feel like some sort of cruel joke. A cruel joke that leaves a guy wondering over a warmed up ham sandwich and a peanut butter cookie during lunchtime at work.

Mmmmm, peanut butter cookies...yep, the internet is evil.

 

[jasinine]

Habit-Forming...

Au contraire, brown_eyed_girl. Gretzky is not, in fact, older than dirt. Dirt still has him beat by at least three years. But you can't refer to dirt as "The Great One", can you? Ninety-nine is still the best thing to happen to hockey since Gordie Howe. And if you can understand the genuine dislike I have for the Red Wings, that is to understand how huge of a statement that is for me to make.

I'm surprised that since I've been chatting with brown_eyed_girl so much that I haven't mentioned it here. Well, I have actually, in an indirect kind of way I guess. I really don't want to embarass her, that's the only reason I'm keeping mum. I think she knows how I'm thinking most of the time anyway and I'd rather tell her than write it here, and I think that's how it should be. Maybe I'm wrong. I mean, does she want to know that I think of her and smile when I hear the Van Morrison song during my work day? Who knows? So I keep quiet.

And speaking of my work day, do you want to know what I did at work today? ME TOO! I feel like I got absolutely nothing accomplished today. Well, at least nothing pertaining to work. I did however go to take a drink of water and my bottle didn't quite make it to my mouth before I started pouring. Sort of an idiotic, watery mishap there.

Those damn drinking problems strike again.

 

[jasinine]

Question

What the hell is up with Moby anyway? Is this guy popular? I noticed the other day when I was getting my copy of "The Two Towers" that he's got a new cd of b-sides out. B-sides! What the shit are his A-sides??? I'm not that out of the loop concerning this guy's work but damn, is there that much demand for this? Who's listening? Guys? Little girls? Women, is he sexy? If so, is that only to blind chicks? Obviously I'm just not getting it. To me, if you've heard one of his songs you've heard at least half of the rest of his catalog.

I should say I have nothing against Moby personally. I even liked his "007" theme for Bond 58 (The world will never be enough until tomorrow dies but maybe on another day...finger, or something. I forget.) Anywhoo, I didn't even laugh at him when he was beaten up by those guys outside the club a year or so ago. Well, actually, yeah I did. But I'm willing enough to laugh at any celebrity getting beaten up by non-fans. So Moby isn't singled out with me there.

Speaking of which, can we please send some Gay Aiken loving thugs (it could happen) Kid Rock's way? Note that I did say please... that's got to count for something.

 

[jasinine]

Slow News Day...

So it is that I'm cursed with many things I'd like to write about but very little patience to type them out coherently...

-Finally got my EW today. Good job post office, only a week late. And Britney is on the cover, whoopty shit.

Next!

-Also finally got my "Medal of Honor:Rising Sun" game delivered today. I got a better deal online than in store so I found it in me somehow to wait an extra week. The game will be both a blessing and a curse. It's fun but, I'm sure to spend countless hours in front of the t.v. shooting people now...again. But this time it's the merciless Japanese forces of WWII. An interesting (possibly) side note: I've actually fired a full automatic Thompson sub-machine gun. (As seen in the 1920's-50's for you non-history types.)

On to sports:

-Tomorrow is the Ohio State vs. Michigan game (Go Bucks!) and the Molson (official beer of choice by...me) Heritage Classic outdoor hockey event. And I'm watching both, oh yes, I'm so watching both...

And now entertainment:

-I finished reading "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" by Chuck Klosterman. Terribly funny at times and smart in a snarky kind of way. Excellent essays on all kinds of topics with pop culture references and rants throughout. Recommended. I'd say he was my new hero if I was the type to have a hero in the first place. Well, maybe Han Solo always was a little bit. So that's it then. Later Captain Solo, and gets 'ta steppin' Chewbacca. Who needs you anyway? Um, I do actually...come back Chewie...please?

Speaking of which:

-Watched the "Star Wars: Clone Wars" cartoon series on Cartoon Network tonight. It reminded me why I like SW and why I've lost faith in George Lucas (who had no real creative input into this project, I've read) at the same time. Of course, I really dig "Samurai Jack" and the creator of that show is doing the SW one so it's really no surprise to me how cool it is. I just wish it was an actual series instead of three or four minute long mini-episodes. You know, there was a time when I thought the worst thing that could happen would be Lucas dying before he finished the new trilogy. Now, I'm not so sure...no offense Georgie Boy.


More to come...

 

[jasinine]

My Weekend

I picked up the Beatles latest release of Let It Be. I haven't listened to it intently but the changes are quite obvious. Especially on "The Long And Winding Road", one of my favorite Beatles (McCartney specifically) tunes.

Okay, so Michigan beat the Buckeyes. I actually expected that to happen. The way OSU played against Purdue the week before didn't bode well going into this game which, basically, is the biggest game of the season. It's funny, everyone was worried about the Bucks offense going in but, it was the defense that let them down. So it goes...

The outdoor hockey game I was so excited about was interesting. Interesting because I didn't see much of it...yet. I missed the mega-stars game because I didn't leave where I was at for the football game until late. (I taped that portion though.) Then I ended up watching the expanded version of "LOTR: The Two Towers" ( :up: ) with a friend instead of the Oilers / Canadiens game. I did watch the game later when it was replayed after the late Maple Leafs game. The outdoor rink was very nice. Apparently the Montreal trainers called the Green Bay Packer's equipment guys to see how they kept the players warm on the field. The benches and penalty boxes were heated and they wore special undersuits or something under their equipment. The temperatures hovered around zero and wind chill was about 15 below. To think I was complaining about the cold last week when I went to the UT game. Sheesh!

Not to skip right past Thanksgiving but, I could totally be in the Christmas spirit already. The only reason I'm not is because it hasn't snowed yet. I love snow and ice at Christmas. Heck, after Christmas too. I don't really mind driving in it, especially this year because I only drive eleven miles to work now and contend with very little traffic. My favorite thing in winter is walking out at night and just enjoying the peace and quiet that living out in the country allows. When the moon is bright and the light bouncing off the snow practically lights up the night...the fact that there's not a sound to be heard in any direction...the cold air...what a feeling.

I put up the outdoor Christmas lights today. I don't really expect too much more awesome weather like we had this weekend. Better to get the things up now than when it's freezing cold. Like everyone else it seems, we have the icicle lights. They look nice though, I did a good job.

 

[jasinine]

Sessions...

I have this incredible feeling of frustration going on in my life right now. In a way, I'm happy it's only frustration because I can deal with that. I suppose the alternative could be depression. I mean, shit man, that's depressing. Once again, it has more to do with what I don't have than what I do.

In a most basic way, I can break my life down into parts: Job, Family, Friends, and Hobbies. I am, overall, happy with my place in life right now.

I changed jobs in the Spring. I couldn't have made a better choice and I doubt if I could be any happier anywhere else based on what I know how to do anyway. I was able to get my degree in computer doodling and while it's only an associates degree, I doubt if I could have went through much more college than that. I was always a bit of an underachiever in school and only really excelled in the stuff I had an interest in. I can tell you it certainly wasn't spanish, which was the only class I ever failed. I did get a C the second time around. Did I like spanish then? No. Do I like it now? No me gusta espanol. Getting back on track...I like my job, I've upgraded in every possible way and I hope things continue to stay this way.

The people I have in my life are the best. I have an awesome family. Naturally, a thing like my Dad's cancer brought everyone a little closer together. I don't see my brother as much as I'd like because he works in retail and anyone who's ever worked in retail knows how fucked up the hours can be. It doesn't help that there is no defined schedule for his days off and weekends are business as usual. When we do get a chance to hang out there's a newly formed respect for each other that's come about since he got married. I always looked up to him (he is my older brother, afterall) but he finally seemed to have grown up then. Even more so when he became a dad. I've said it before but I feel like I've gained a true sister in the woman he married.

My friends upon first look seem to be a question mark until I realize that I have exactly who I want in my life. One lifelong friend who's always there and always has been, a few friends that I don't see much anymore (are they really even friends?), and of course the casual aquaintances everyone seems to pick up over time. Could I use more friends, sure, I guess it couldn't hurt but I like it this way.

My hobbies are weird in a dorky sort of way. But they are unmistakably me... Being so much of a movie lover (yeah, I know...surprise!) I started to collect movie related items. Props, posters, and of course the movies themselves. I'm a video game player, I read, I draw (badly), I started writing this year (a little better than I draw), and of course I love hockey. I do miss the summer days when I could lace up my Bauer in-lines and play a game of hockey on the high school tennis courts with friends at any given time of day. I don't miss the occasional bloody mouth from an errant stick but, even those were good times.

And that brings me to now, in a way...less the blood.

I miss the days that were carefree (like the hockey days) but at the same time I know those days are rightfully gone. I'm 26 years old. The source of frustration is not being able to move on to the next phase. Case in point, a meaningful relationship. For a shy (hate that word) or quiet guy like myself, it's very tough to approach anyone in a bar. And while I'm at it, I don't know if I really want to approach anyone in a bar anyway. I've always been the guy who would rather blend into the background than draw attention to myself. How far can a person get with that demeanor? Not far. At least, not yet. As I'm sitting here typing this (it feels like I started yesterday), I'm watching "Average Joe." They brought on three model looking guys this week and oh my, I can see how important looks are. A source of one of my insecurities. I would never be confused with one of these cut, underwear model looking guys. I'm not necessarily in shape, toned, conditioned, whatever. I'm no athlete. Truthfully, I'm a little soft. I've fought my weight my whole life. Even though I'm not that big, I still have an issue with it and it does bother me. I'm 6'3" and probably 235 pounds. Women don't want that, they want the little guys who are in good shape. Who can balme them? I can't deny that I like an average sized woman and I hate the double standard argument but in all honesty I'm more attracted to the person than anything. It pisses me off more than anything to see these losers on "Average Joe" competing for this girl who, in my opinion, could stand to have a cookie or two. Are these guys competing for the person or the Kansas City Chiefs Cheerleader? Give me a break.

I've got to quit because, gee, it can be tough to admit you have issues can't it? Wait, one more. The tremors in my hands add to my insecurity as well, even though they shouldn't. Take these and add them up and I feel like I'll never be able to truly show what I do have to offer because of these things dragging me down. I can't let that happen but it does sometimes.

Frustrating indeed.

Oh, and the "girl" I wish I knew lives many miles away. Might as well tack that on too, while I'm at it. She could actually be a guy and I don't know if I'd care. Well, yeah, maybe just a little.

 

[jasinine]

See Above...

Good Lord...

I know I doubt myself because now I doubt what I wrote last night in some ways. Luckily I can't type much more than this little bit now because I'm at work. I guess work can be a good thing.

I know there's all kinds of qualities that I have that are worthwhile, one being my sense of humor. What good is life if you can't laugh at yourself once in a while?

Oh, and I have big feet. And you know what they say about guys with big feet, eh?


Right...



They wear big shoes.

 

[jasinine]

I'm Back!

I realized years ago that the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is about ten minutes of quality television watching and the remaining two hours and fifty minutes are total crap. (Well, crap, and commercials.) Mileage may vary on that opinion for other people I'm sure but, I will not be convinced otherwise... now.

I say now because I didn't always think this way, there was a time in my life when the parade was the single greatest thing about the Thanksgiving holiday. (Most people would call this time childhood. Most people are correct.) To hell with the cranberries and turkey, forget about that whole family togetherness mumbo-jumbo and bring on the huge-ass balloons! What's that Grandma? You need help bringing in the dessert from the car? Well, I'd like to help but there's a huge fucking balloon version of Kermit the Frog on television as we speak. The pie can wait, damnit!

Now, I'm no cynical holiday asshole. I love Thanksgiving and Christmas and every other holiday that actually has an origin other than the head honcho of a greeting card company pulling an idea out of their ass. (Valenine's Day, you know who you are.) I really can't wait to get up tomorrow, tune into the parade, dig into dinner, eat too much, get tired, and try to fight sleep as I'm watching the Packers battle the pathetic Lions. (Detroit sucks, have I ever mentioned that?) Actually, I think Thanksgiving is the nicer family holiday since it's not as hectic as Christmas and not as depressing as Easter. (I really dislike Easter.) Of course, I list Halloween as my favorite holiday anyway and there's certainly no deep meaning to Halloween other than having fun. (Maybe to Wiccans and Satan Worshipers but they have to be the minority.)

Getting back to my original thought, the parade is indeed, crap. They can keep their marching bands from across the country. I was in marching band in junior high and high school (sax-a-ma-phone) and I've personally had enough of that to last the rest of my life. Musical numbers from popular Broadway shows? Uh, uh. Get them out of there. I just don't care for musicals - stage, movie, or otherwise. I will watch them and I'll try to enjoy them but more often than not, I think they blow goats. That's probably why I maintain that "The Blues Brothers" is the single greatest movie musical I've ever seen. How about you? Orange whip?

Answer me this. Why does everyone who performs during the parade have to be a "sensation"? Teen singing sensation... Broadway singing sensation... Adult film sensation...blah, blah, blah. I hate that. And every "celebrity" Matt Lauer and Katie Couric pull into the booth looks like they're colder than eskimo sex in January and would rather be somewhere else. Thanks for telling me about your crummy show that I don't watch though, I'll be sure to miss it again this week. Am I really supposed to get excited about the fact that Bob the Builder's float is coming up right after Josh Groban gets done singing whatever the hell it is that a Josh Groban sings while atop a Mother Goose float? I just can't get it up for that, sorry.

Basically, when it comes to the parade I just hope I don't miss the Spiderman balloon each year. For it to officially be Thanksgiving (at least in my wacky head) I need to see a gas filled Peter Parker slowly making his way through Manhattan. Childhood memories and sentimentality go a long way with me. I can handle all of the lame-o celebrity chats, excrutiatingly bad broadway numbers that look more like jazzercise routines, and stupid ass commercials with cooked turkeys jumping off the dinner table to get to the infamous day after Thanksgiving sales until Spidey shows up. The rest is just background noise while I field questions about my non-existant girlfriend.

What I really like though is the day after Thanksgiving when I traditionally sleep in 'til whenever, rather half-assedly help bring down Christmas ornaments from upstairs, watch the Boston Bruins play whomever at noon, make up a plate of leftovers, eat, and then watch the next hockey game that comes on after the Bruins lose. (Okay, so they don't always lose.) That, to me, is a nice day.

I hope yours is nice as well. Happy Thanksgiving!

 

[jasinine]

Satellite of Love...

With Thanksgiving done and over for the most part, I have kicked off the Christmas season once again by watching my tape of the single greatest episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" ever made... "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians". I was wondering what year I actually taped this episode (I was guessing 1993), so based off of the commercial for the movie "Disclosure", I jumped on over to imdb.com where I found my answer: 1994. I was pretty damn close afterall.

Not much to put here regarding today so I'd like to pass along one of the funniest bits on this show. A holiday carol from Joel and the 'bots. It's not much without the music but...

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Let's all have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"
by Crow T. Robot

Open up your heart and let
the Patrick Swayze Christmas in,
We'll gather at the "Roadhouse"
with our "Next of Kin".

And Santa can be our regular
Saturday night thing,
We'll decorate a barstool
And gather round and sing...

Oh...let's have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas this year,
Or we'll tear your throat out
and kick you in the ear!

It's my way or the highway
this Christmas at my bar,
I'll have to smash your kneecaps
if you bastards touch my car.

I got the word that Santa has
been stealing from the till,
I think that fat right jolly old elf
had better make out his will!

Oh...let's have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas one and all,

And this can be the haziest...

And this can be the laziest...

This can be the Swayze-est...

Christmas of them all!

---------------------------------------------------------------

God I love that.

 

[jasinine]

That winged tire needs some air...

I think I've mentioned a few times that I'm a video game player. Always have been. I'm guessing I'm in the first few age groups to have never lived without some sort of video games being around. Atari 2600, Nintendo, Sega, etc... it seems I've played them all and never quit. Will I ever grow out of it and quit for good someday? I honestly don't know. Probably not as long as EA Sports makes an NHL hockey game.

My brother, now that's a different story. He likes video games but has a hard time adjusting to controls and directions and all that stuff. He tries, I'll give him that, but it's cringe inducing for me to sit and watch him try to play most of my games. Kill.switch? The only killing going on when he played that one was of his character. I honestly tried to coach him and help him out but damn, I had to quit and leave the room. Medal of Honor? Yeah, posthumous. Lord of the Rings? Stupifying. How can you not get your guy to swing a sword, honestly?

My problem with watching him is that when I bring home a new game, pop it into the machine and start it up, I'm playing. I'm gifted (right) enough to have very little of a learning curve involved. He needs a good couple of hours before he just starts to get the hang of it. I used to kick his ass all the time in hockey for Sega Genesis and he'd get so mad he'd throw the controller. Man, those were the days. I think I remember beating him once with the worst team in the league (Hartford, this was on the classic NHL '93) forty something to twelve? I don't remember but it was a hell of a score. That guy though, he'd always want to play. And he'd always blame me for using the "turbo" button or something like that. Whatever dude, you suck.

I'm writing this because we played the other day when he was here and I beat him rather easily once again. He still gets mad, and he still can't play for shit. Some things never change. Of course, I can play video games well and he's married and has a kid with another on the way. What's the more worthwhile? He had to remind me of this before we started up the hockey game because I was talking shit. He was Detroit (yeah, my brother is a dreaded Wings fan) and I was Toronto.

That worthwhile comment up there stung. I had to win after that. You know, based on the principle of the thing. :tsk:

Final score? Toronto 21 - Detroit... 3. Take that bro.