Yo help me with this shit, son

[Choo Choo Andee]

I don't want to make the whole rap a parody, but my chorus is makin fun of all the "I GOT SO MUCH MONEYYYYY MY HAIR TURNS WHITE AND FANCY" type shit in hiphop, but none of the other lyrics are really about that........can I still have this chorus or should I make a whole song that kind of parodies it? Whatchu think?

I got first vs and chorus so far.


Yo, my dick is so small
I want to fall, deep into the earth
Wait one second, cancel that Hearse
I might change my mind right after this verse
I slapped my dad cuz he regrets my birth
shot up miccy d's cuz I resent my girth
sick of hearin MC's yap about their worth
does the dark shit I write ring true or am I really full of mirth
I don't know
but if the former's true, you better form a crew
sick a dialin 323, I miss 212
what up boo, you feelin my hiphop slang or not
I just stole a twin size cot from the marriot
But she only dates actors and models
or ugly rich men at the club wit 3 bottles
gettin tired and tired of these drones, but It won't become me
I perspire to inspire these clones of David Duchovney
to get into their flying humvee and bring me back some munchees
and now I retire humbly, on one knee, I'm puttin it to bed
I guess you'll have to use the word "modest" instead
Now suck my dick or I'll fill your goldfish with lead, STUPIDHEAD


CHORUS.......... Generic Chorus number 484, let it roll son.
Yo yo, I got more money than a million dollars
I got more money than two million dollars
I got more money than three million dollars
I got more money than a kazillion dollars,
True True
I got a gold driveway, I got gold streets
fuck a silver spoon, I was born with gold teef
Fort Knox on my dick every day of the week
I got 24 parrots with 24 karat beaks

 

[Erin]

I think you could either a) make the whole song a parody of rappers who only sing about how rich they are, or b) make the song about all of the things rappers sing about these days (wealth, fame, blowjobs, weed...that's it).

That's just my opinion.

Good luck and godspeed, Andy Shmilmomnokis.

 

[dggoldst]

I think you can have it the way it is. Just put it out there and the listener's mind will automatically find a way to make sense of it. Music's cool that way.

 

[Chris Griswold]

I think both the chorus and the verse are good enough to be separate and to each spawn an entire piece.

At heart, they just have two different tones, about two different things.

 

[krullbeast]

"I just stole a twin size cot from the marriot
But she only dates actors and models
or ugly rich men at the club wit 3 bottles
gettin tired and tired of these drones, but It won't become me
I perspire to inspire these clones of David Duchovney
to get into their flying humvee and bring me back some munchees
and now I retire humbly, on one knee,"

i only like the verse right here^^
and i like the chorus just fine for another song.
but it doesn't have the punch that your verse is kicking.
try two songs.
the parrot line is dope as fuck.
word.

 

[DJ Plan B]

i think you can go either way, sort of like that Nas line:

"Versatile, my style switches like a faggot
But not bisexual, I'm an intellectual"

sorry for the blatant homophobia, but it's hip-hop whatchugonnado?

btw, you should give my boy Joe a call out there. he hates LA as well. i think you actually met him at Kimmel and his sister pissed you off or something. PM me for more.

stay strong, AM

 

[icouldbewrong]

I don't know enough about rap to be of any use, but I enjoyed it!

 

[Choo Choo Andee]

Thanks dudes, I think I agree that the chorus is too different, doesn't really go........it popped into my head when I was writing the other shit so i just added it. ADD Style.

 

[Matt Himes]

I think the contrast between the generic, over-the-top hip-hop bragadoccio of the chorus and the frank self-deprecation of the verses is funny. It's like you got bullet-proof self-esteem. . .no amount of "reality" in the choruses can mess up your "game" as demonstrated in the chorus

 

[Choo Choo Andee]

The chorus is kinda just like another line in the verse that kinda fits after i talk about rappers braggin about their money........but it just seems a little off as the chorus since it's so long........I just don't really want to make a whole parody rap.....I'd rather write stupid but original lyrics than the whole thing a jokey parody. Maybe if I use the topic a little right before the verse it will fit better? Who knows.........To all you popeye lookin bitches, i'll wrap my dick in spinach, then get up in it until that pussy looks like grimmace.

 

[Matt Himes]

Yeah maybe just keep the chorus once - make it a real R&B type "hook" - do it in a different voice. . .instead of you saying the lines you're imitating the flossing rappers. . you know, like how slim shady raps in the voice of uptight girls etc. . .. not that anyone should listen to me. . .I'm probably older than Chuck D and I listened to the Big CHill soundtrack in high school. . .anyway, good rhymes. . .

this song is great if you never heard it

http://www.ugrls.com/lyrics/viewfile.asp?song=fatlip-whatsupfatlip

 

[burmafett]

Great rhymes dude... However it almost sounds like a Ludakris parody. The rhyme schemes are the same but the lyrics are better. Now where you at the whole cities behind us...

 

[jlang]

CHORUS..........
I got a gold driveway, I got gold streets
fuck a silver spoon, I was born with gold teef
Fort Knox on my dick every day of the week
I got 24 parrots with 24 karat beaks
Girl come over and ducth oven under my mariott sheets
________
VERMONT MEDICAL MARIJUANA DISPENSARY

 

[jlang]

oh dutch...
I think it would be awesome if you did a song exposing every hip hop and r&B stars childhood habits that are clarely untrue and absurd.. ...you could say usher use to be a fecalpheliac and that he shit in dugouts of little league baseball fields...stuff like that would make a great video...
________
Big Dick Extreme