What a Jerk.

[mattpack]

Hi, I'm Matt Pack. I'm in the habit of introducing myself by my entire name because for the past ten years, most people I've known have consistantly called me by my full name. That's ok I guess, I like my name.

Anyway, this is a journal I'm starting to chronicle my life during my journey into the world of improvisation. Two weeks ago, I was getting ready for my first day of school in the UCB intensive summer class. Now the class is over, and I'm ready to begin writing this journal. I decided during class that I wanted to do this, but I would wait until the course was over to start. So I guess that's enough of the boring introduction. Lets get started. Hereeeeee we go...

Today is my first day post-intensive class. I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I've spent every day for the past two weeks making the long commute from Nyack, NY down to Chelsea for class, and then back again to go to bed. Now that my life is once again a big ball of free time, I feel sort of fidgety. I'll probably spend my day taking care of the things that I let go during class, like getting my cell phone fixed and working out. Plus tonight some friends from my high school are in town. I think I'll suggest we bowl.

Since today is the first day I haven't had class in a while, I've spent most of my morning thinking about the whole experience. I think the thing that has suprised me most about improv is that amount of injuries I've sustained. I can't really straighten out my right arm, there's a big scrape on my left elbow, and three big bruises on my right bicep. I think I know where two of the bruises occured, but the other injuries are somewhat of a mystery to me. I've been told this is a common experience amongst improvisors. To tell the truth, I kind of like my mystery injuries, although the inability to use my right arm is somewhat troubling. The bruises look really cool though.

 

[mattpack]

Summer is awesome

A couple of days have now passed since the end of my intensive class, and I've gotten used to not having class to got to. I miss the class, but not the four hour round trip commute every day. I managed to get my aforementioned cell phone repaired, and today may be the day that I get back to lifting weights again. But maybe tomorrow. I failed to talk my friends into going bowling, but we settled on getting ice cream, so I have no complaints.

After taking a day to relax, I've started to try to figure out what I'm doing with the rest of the summer. The other intensive class has organised a practice group, and my class is working on doing the same. Hopefully I'll be attending both, which shouldn't be any problem because my schedule is wide open. I do need to get a job, and try to start banking some money for my move back to the city this August, but I'm not sure where I could work for just a month and then leave. Luckily I have very few expenses right now and some money in the bank, so the job pressure is light. But I see rent on the horizon, and it's scary.

Until I get a job, I'm going to try to make this the Best Damn Summer Ever. I think that's going to entail sleeping late, and driving to the city at night to rehearse, watch improv, and go to baseball games. Luckily, a few of my friends are un/semi-employed, and will be able to engage in this behavior with me. This summer is also allowing me some quality time with my dog, and that's pretty awesome.

I told a friend who wanted to come visit the weekend after the 4th of July that he could if he wanted to, but I wanted to go to the Marathon at UCB, so it might not be the best time to come if he didn't want to come along. My friend who was visiting this weekend noted that since begining class, I'm like a dude who's really whipped by his new girlfriend, only with improv. The guy who spends to much time with her and talks about her to his friends all the time even though they really don't care. I hate that guy, but I seem to have become him. Oh well, it could be worse.

 

[mattpack]

Big Baby Jesus Attack!

Today was fun! I met up with some people I hadn't seen in a long time and we went to my very favorite restaurant - Shanghai Gourmet on Mott Street. It's Shanghai style cuisine (duh) and is super awesome. I recommend the beef rice cakes and the steamed tiny buns.

I also had a big talk with my parents today on the pros and cons of Propecia and other hair-loss remedies. About 6 months ago I realized that my hair was thinning up front, and I'm not afraid to admit that I was and continue to be troubled by it. I don't think there is anything wrong with being bald, but I think there's a time and a place for everything. I'm 23 years old. Realising that you're balding while still living at home is a very troubling thing. I'm not sure if it's more troubling to have not moved out when one starts balding, or to begin balding before moving out of the house. Does that make sense? Luckily it's not far gone so if I catch it now, no one should ever know. Except for everyone reading this.

Unfortunately, since I have no income and my health is insured by my parents, this decision is not mine alone to make. Of course, as soon as I get out of the house and get some disposable income the decision and burden of the cost will be all mine. Until that time, I'm having to appeal to my parents' sense of goodwill to help me get the jump on this. Unfortunately, my Mom is very mistrustful of medicine in general, so it's an uphill battle. I think they're going to come through for me on this one, but we'll see. I think my hair is exceptionally soft, and for a dude, pretty (although I keep it pretty short). Moral of the story: 23 is too old to still be living at home, but way to young to be going bald. I need to deal with both of these problems.

By the way, I decided to change the location of my journal today because (1) The World cup is almost over, (2) having a journal title in a foreign language, especially French, seems a little pretentious, and (3) I'm not sure that many people knew what "Le Coupe du Monde" is anyway. I like the new name better anyway.

Finally, I'm celebrating because my fantasy baseball squad, the "Big Baby Jesuses" may take over first place tonight. Rock and Roll!!!

 

[mattpack]

Summer of Kickass

The summer is going exactly as planned. Today I got up, watched the World Cup, took a nap, and went to watch the Braves play the Mets (I grew up in Atlanta and still love the teams from the dirty dirty). Good times. We almost didn't go to the game because of the rain, but it stopped raining right before the game and didn't start again. And the Braves won on a grand slam by Gary Sheffield, who's also on my fantasy team. F'n sweet.

My baseball watching experience has improved a lot over the past year, because after living in New York for nine years I finally found a store that sells salted-in-the-shell peanuts this year. I think the south has a much richer peanut culture than New York. I miss boiled peanuts, and whenever I mention them to anyone up here, I get funny looks. But now that I've found a place to get salted-in-the-shell, I'm psyched.

 

[mattpack]

My skin is fragile

I still love summer. I got to sleep in today for only the second time in the past month or so. It was awesome. I think now I'm going to go rollerblading. Other than that, today is a big day of nothing. I'm very excited.

The worst thing about being a fair-skinned guy with very short hair is that when I go out in the summer I have to worry about my head getting sunburned. It's terrible. There's no worse place to get a sunburn than the top of your head. You can't wash your hair, and when it starts peeling, you look like you have the world's worst dandruff. My hair is short enough that it doesn't block the sun, but long enough that putting sunblock on my head is very gross. When I'm going out in the sun for a long time, like to a baseball game or to Six Flags, I just wear a hat, but you can't really wear a wool baseball cap when you're rollerblading, and it gets a little too warm on hot days. So I've started tying a t-shirt around my head. It works pretty well.

Funny story: I met Brian Huskey (or someone masquerading as) over the phone the other day when I was calling the UCBT to make Harold Night reservations. An excerpt of our conversation:

MP: Hi I wanted to make reservations of the shows tonight.

BH: Ok, your name?

MP: Matt Pack.

BH: Hey, did you just start a journal on the IRC page?

MP: Holy Crap, yeah. Crazy.

At this point I don't really remember what else went on, but I told Brian there was a shout out on the way in the journal, and here it is. Big up!

I'd just like to mention the utter awesomeness of Tiger Woods Golf 2002. If anyone reading this is unemployed, or just has some free time on their hands, can't recommend it enough. Good good times. Ok, rock n roll!

 

[mattpack]

I hung out with hippies

I was wandering around the village today and I came across my friend Michelle - harrassing people for Greenpeace. I was a little surprised, but not really. However, I always thought that the people who come up to you on the street were volunteers, and it turns out that they're not. They make like $30 for each person they sign up.

Anyway, I ended up hanging out with Michelle and her Greenpeace friends for most of the day, partially because of Michelle's hot-college-girl-from-Idaho-via-California-coworker. The interaction with hot-coworker-college-girl ended in disappointment when her toolish boyfriend showed up in clear plastic sandals and socks. He was giving me this look that was all "I know you're checking out my girlfriend and I want to fight you" and I was giving him this look that was all "this dude is such a tool and I think he wants to fight me." Oh well.

I also decided today that I wanted to have some pictures here of the things I'm doing from day-to-day. I took the digital camera with me today, but something was wrong with the memory card, so that mission is delayed. More later.

 

[mattpack]

First practice group ever!

Today was the first day of our practice group with Shannon O'Neill. Only five people ended up showing, but that was cool. Shannon was awesome, and I think we all had a good time. I definitely feel like I learned a lot.

Afterwards, I gave Dave and Stacey (hereafter "Spiker" and "Lil Hegs") a ride downtown. Hegs and I got to talking about college, and it turns out she spent a year at my alma matter, NYU. Not only that, but she also lived in the dorm I lived in for three years. Not only that, but one of the people she knows is a good friend of mine. Not only that, but this friend she knows is actually the person who introduced me to UCB and encouraged me to take classes. Small world. Anyway, Spiker and Lil Hegs are both cool peeps.

I've decided that I really like the people from my intensive class. I realise that this is probably one of those things like a baseball team or school play where you're going to like the people on your team whether you know it or not, but I really think that the group I ended up with was really talented and cool. I feel real lucky. I'm not just saying that because they could be conceivably reading this either. I doubt anyone is reading this.

Tomorrow I'll have pictures!

 

[mattpack]

party time.

Wow - it's been a few days since I've had a chance to put anything in here. I think I'll go back in time and recount the past 5 days or so as if I was writing on the days in question. So here's my entry for July 3!

My family went out of town Tuesday for a mini-vacation, and for some odd reason I decided not to accompany them. I'm not sure why. Anyway, I woke up Wednesday morning not really knowing what to do with myself. The freedom I felt was a little stifling. Up to this point, my friends and I hadn't decided what to do for Fourth of July, so I volunteered to have a barbecue. I called some people to send out invites and went to buy some tequila to go with the margarita mix I found in the kitchen.

I spent the rest of the day cruising around Rockland county and into Northern NJ, mostly just killing time. Around 11 pm I picked up Ivy for dinner at the Nanuet diner, and then hijacked her into grocery shopping at the local 24 hour Pathmark. I absolutely love grocery shopping in the middle of the night. I can't explain why, but I absolutely love it. I think it's because I buy a lot of absurd things when I shop late, and I generally leave the store very excited with my purchases.

For my party, I decided to go with an all-American theme. My purchases:

(photo taken at 3 am in a dark kitchen. ground beef and vanilla ice cream not pictured)

I was particularly excited about the red, white, and blue rocket pops and the apple pie. I think the salt and vinegar potato chips are more British than American, but I made up for it with the weird dill-flavored chips that were cleverly marketed as "Tastes of America." I'm such a sucker. I also bought an American flag to wear draped around my shoulders for the duration of the fourth. I think this is because I watched way too much World Cup over the past month. The flag was a fun thing to have.

I managed to eat all of the salt and vinegar potato chips between 3 and 4 am while playing playstation. Finally fell asleep at 5. Good times.

 

[mattpack]

Wednesday and a half

Around 6 am Thursday morning my phone rang. I had only been asleep for an hour or so, and I had absolutely no idea what time it was or what was going on. I answer the phone, and am surprised to hear the voice of one of my best friends, Jolie Apicella. Jolie was in England, where she had been vacationing for the past month (along with Ireland and Greece), but she was calling to tell me she was cutting her trip a month short, and she was at Heathrow on her way home.

Needless to say, I was very excited, but since I had just woke up after only an hour of sleep, I was a little confused. We had about 10 minutes of what must have seemed to Jolie to be very bizarre conversation, during which time I was mysteriously wandering all over my unoccupied house, including into my parents bathroom. This all seemed very strange to me when I woke up later in the day. When Jolie's phone card ended, I still wasn't awake, but I couldn't fall back asleep either. I watched the BBC World News in my state of half consciousness, and finally fell back asleep.

 

[mattpack]

US f'n A baby!

So I got up around noon on July 4th and threw on some sandals so I could go pick up my friend Pat at the bus stop. We went to the store - Pat got beer and donuts, I bought replacement salt and vinegar potato chips and water balloons.

Katie showed up around 2 pm, and we all hung around and ate chips for a while. Then it was to the yard to toos around the nerf football, then toss water balloons, then more chips, tossing of a baseball, more water balloons, more baseball, water balloons, baseball, water balloons. Great great fun.

I took Katie home around 6 because she had a family commitment, and when I got back to my house, my friends Declan and Nitasha had arrived. Dec and Nitasha are awesome, and every time I see them I think about how we should hang out more. Declan is preparing to move to L.A. to pursue a career as a stuntman. Badass.

Anyway, we made some awesome burgers and hot dogs, which ruled, and then walked down the street to Nyack Beach State Park to watch fireworks. I was a little drunk at this point, but the fireworks ruled. From Nyack Beach, which is super nice, we could see nine different fireworks displays (Sleepy Hollow, Tarrytown, White Plains, Yonkers, Rye, Nyack, Fort Lee, Croton, and Hastings I think). Very fun. During the fireworks Jolie showed up with her friends Nicole and Violet. Good times.

Afterwards wee went back home and we all had pie while we watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and we played more water balloon catch in the dark. It was a very awesome day, but this journal entry sucked ass. I'll try harder next time. Rock!

 

[mattpack]

Fro-yo bro

Ok - so I think my journal is all cought up to present day. I'll skip this weekend because a good deal of it was at the marathon, and that's been covered pretty thouroughly around here. I loved pretty much everything I saw. It ruled.

Anyway, so yesterday was cool. Big news of the day: PROPECIA!!! I'm very excited for I had my prescription filled so goodbye balding! It's going to be like 1998 around my hairline. This may seem extremely silly, but it's important that I not go bald because I have the world's softest hair. It's like silk, I swear. Ask to feel it someday, it's cool, I don't mind.

So anyway, after filling my prescription, Jolie and I had a lunch of supermarket samples, hit Rockland lake for some rollerblading, followed by burgers at my house. That was followed by Jolie going home and me watching the home run derby on ESPN, and then driving over to my friend Kristina's house to go get TCBY.

The girl who works at TCBY is super nice, and I think her family must own it or something, because she's been working there for like 7 years, and can't be a day older than 20. After our yogurt and some hanging out by the river, we cruised around for a while before hitting the grocery store for some late night shopping, much to my joy.

I have very little courage to my convictions. I try to never buy Nabisco or associated products because I think that big tobacco is pretty much an evil entity that I shouldn't support, but last night I really wanted ginger snaps, and the only kind they had at the store were the Nabisco kind, which are very good. So my great moral quest was brought down by a box of cookies. I'm half a man.

 

[mattpack]

I'm crippled

In the past three days I've fallen down the stairs THREE TIMES. I'm completely inept. In all fairness, Once you fall down the stairs and injure yourself once, it's much easier to do it again (and again). I'm a complete yutz though. the first time I got three giant badass scabs and some bruises, the second time no real injuries, and the third time a giant bruise on the bottom of my foot that's hendered my ability to walk. Very embarassing.

We had our second practice group tonight. This time it was me, Dave, Shane, Susan Bott and Mitch. Shannon is still an awesome coach, and I feel like I'm improving a lot from week to week. Hopefully everyone else is getting as much as I am out of it.

Jolie friend Nina from England is coming to visit tomorrow, and I've been recruited to spread some international good will and join in the entertainment. Good times.

 

[mattpack]

By the way

Yesterday I realised that over the past month, for the first time in a couple of years, I'm totally happy.

Sweet.

 

[mattpack]

Entertaining the Brits

Wow! I haven't updated this in a while. Sorry! Won't happen again. Hopefully.

I've been hanging out with Jolie and Nina (who is in town from England). We've been taking Nina everywhere. She got in Wednesday, and we took her all over Chinatown, and then we all went to a Blackalicious concert. The concert was badass, but I'd note that the underground hip hop scene in New York isn't as good as it was in 1997. I'm just saying is all. Those were the days. Now you go to a hip hop show and it's a bunch of hippies in the crown. Dirty hippies.

For Nina's second day we went to the museum of natural history, and then dinner at Shanghai Gourmet. Friday we saw the Swarm and ate John's pizza. Saturday we rested and hung around Rockland watching movies. Sunday we went to Bastille day street fairs, and today Jolie and I rested while Nina went to the city. Good times!

This update is very boring. Don't worry. The next update will F'N RULE!

 

[mattpack]

Stalked!

I have a stalker, and she doesn't believe in evolution.

It's really quite a problem. I really always imagined that havihng someone obsessed with me would be cool and flattering, but it's not fun at all. Here's how this came to pass:

I have a friend, we'll call her Jenny, who I grew up down the street from in Atlanta. When my family moved to New York when I was 13, Jenny and I kept in touch for 3 or 4 years, but she and I fell out of touch by my junior year of high school.

Fast forward 4 years to the spring of 2000, I'm living in Paris, studying abroad. One night I helped these two American girls who were having trouble with the turnstile on the metro, and when we started talking, it turned out that not only were they from Atlanta, but they were best friends with Jenny's sister.

So through this whole encounter in Paris got me back into touch with Jenny, and last fall we started talking pretty regularly on the phone.

It was fun getting to know each other again, but I was always a little scared to move our conversations to anything that might involve our world views because Jenny is a conservative, hardcore born-again Christian, and I had a feeling our world views might not match up well. Avoiding subjects like politics was tough though, because I was a politics major back in college, and at the time I was considering moving to Washington, DC to work for the government.

Finally, on January 1st, 2001, we had our first politics related discussion. Not only did I learn that Jenny hates Bill Clinton (who is my hero), but she does not believe in evolution. Now some would assume that this would drive me away from my friend, but it did not. In fact, the novelty of having a creationist friend made me more excited about our friendship. She also believed all other sorts of wacky shit that kept me excited.

So anyway, this went on for a couple months, and around the begining of April I went to Atlanta for the Final Four. The Final Four ruled, and while I was down there I got together with Jenny. It was fun seeing her, but it was alittle bit weird. I realised at that point that we were way too different, and I wasn't sure if I we could really be friends, or if I even wanted to be.

I wasn't sure about all of this, so when I returned to New York, I didn't call Jenny for a couple of weeks while I thought about if I wanted to stay friends. A "friend break up" is a strange thing. I think it's a much more difficult thing than a regular break up, because while you only have one girlfriend or boyfriend, you have a whole bunch of friends. Friend-breaking-up with someone just feels like a much more complete regection of them. That said, I felt I needed to be really sure if I was going to stop being friends with Jenny.

While I was contemplating all of this, Jenny called. I didn't know what to tell her, so I just didn't call back yet. At this point I totally intended to call her back, but I needed more time. A couple of weeks later she called again. I was going to call her, but still didn't know what to say, and after a few days it slipped my mind.

Typing this out has totally made me realise that at this point in the story, I seem like the bad guy. Let me qualify what I've said thus far by noting that a lagre part of my decision to friend-break-up with Jenny was caused by my discovery of her condemning views on homosexuality and abortion, two issues that affect many of my friends who are higher up on the friend food chain than Jenny.

Regardless, at this point Jenny had called me enough over a long enough period of time that I realised if were to call her back at this point, "forgeting" or "being really busy" weren't going to cut it anymore as excuses. So I figured at this point my decision about whether to be friends or not was made for me. If I called her, I'd have to explain why we hadn't talked, and that would be the end of the whole deal anyway. It had been a month or so since we had spoken (it was the begining of May), and I figured we might as well not have a big friend-break-up conversation.

A strange thing then happened: Jenny started calling me. And calling me. And calling me. I have caller i.d., so we didn't have the conversation I was avoiding, but the calls kept coming. At first it made me consider calling her back, but after a while it creeped me out. In the two months since this started, she's called me somewhere between 80 and 120 times. I always thought having someone doing this sort of thing would be flattering and fun, but it's very discomforting. I'm pretty freaked out, and I feel terribly guilty for not calling her back. Any ideas or opinions on whether or not I should call her or just hope she finally gives up are welcome and appreciated.

So I'm puzzled! Either way, tomorrow it's more partying with the British. Good times!

 

[mattpack]

Sharonos : i am reading the journal
Mattisill : i'm so glad!
Mattisill: i hope you like it!
Sharonos : the big baby jesuses
Sharonos : that is what i like to hear
Mattisill: yeah!
Sharonos : you know his song rollin wit you?
Mattisill: i'm not sure - i lost his second album
Mattisill: i never listened to it enough before i lost it
Sharonos : well it is one of my favorite songs ever and when he wrote it he was still going by the bbj moniker
Sharonos : the chorus is "jesus, i'm rollin with you, jesus i'm rollin with you..."
Mattisill: hahahaha
Sharonos : i think you need to repurchase it just for that song
Mattisill: he had he funniest rap line of the year when he said "i don't have a problem with you fuckin me, i do have a problem with you not fuckin me"
Sharonos : ummmm yeah
Sharonos : and what about
Sharonos : "all the pretty girls....and al the ugly girls too, cuz to me you're pretty anyway baby..."
Mattisill: yeah! - or how about "i speak the truth to the youth / i say 'hey youth! here's some truth!'"
Sharonos : for the record, i am thoroughly enjoying this jornal
Mattisill: yeah!
Mattisill: i'm always happy when people like the journal
Mattisill: seriously
Sharonos : it is hysterical
Mattisill: yea!!!!!
Sharonos : so far my favorite one is "i hung out with hippies"
Mattisill: you're making my day
Mattisill: i like that one too
Sharonos : i mean, socks and clear sandals...REALLY?!
Mattisill: REALLY
Mattisill: it was horrible
Sharonos : that dude is not only a tool
Sharonos : he is THE IMMACULATE TOOL
Mattisill: hahahahaha
Sharonos : mark my words

 

[mattpack]

The number of calls from Jenny has increased over the past few days. I need to deal with the situation, as I don't really think she's going to stop calling me, and I'm feeling worse with each message I hear. The main thing stopping me from calling her is trying to figure out something to tell her that will be (A) believeable and that (B) won't hurt her feelings much. Requirement B rules out complete and total honesty, as I don't think anyone wants to be told that they're being rejected as a friend. I've made three girls cry in the course of my life (my first girlfriend, and two girls who I went to high school with who were both on the verge of tears before I arrived), and I don't want that total to change to four. I don't think she's a bad person or anything like that, just someone who I can't really be friends with. But I need to deal with the whole thing. I will soon.

 

[mattpack]

My journal gets letters!

My good friend Reed sent me this email after reading my journal:

__________________________________________________________

Pack -

After what may very well have been the hardest week of work in my whole life I read your journal and I am amazed at how much free time you have. AMAZED. I beg you to take advantage of it.

How about every day -- wait, how about just 3 or 4 times a week — for lets say 2 hours at a time — you DO SOMETHING that you can look back on 10 years from now and say “Wow, I'm glad I did that” or “I'm glad I learned that”.

I'm not saying stop having fun, which you certainly shouldn’t do. I'm not saying stop using the Propecia, which you should use as long as you feel its helping you and there aren't any major side effects. (By the way, out of medical and friendly curiosity, keep me updated on how its working out) I'm just saying that lets try and see if we cant fit something else in somewhere between Sportscenter and Jezball — even if its just 6 hours a week.

Make a list of skills you'd like to have or facts you'd like to know or books you'd like to read or topics that interest you. Sit down and make this list and then each week pick something from the list to work on. For instance, I just saw on TV that theres a group of people who train in Medieval martial arts, and thought, I would love to learn more about that. If I had time, I would get a book on it, or look them up and talk to them or even sign up for a class.

I know the improv thing is something doing and I think that’s great that you're putting in the time and effort there. Keep that up!

Once you’ve made your “Matt Packs List of Things He'd Like to Do/Know About”, send it along to me, I'd love to take a look.

Heres a few suggestions:

-You're taking Propecia and your mom doesn’t like it — you want to tell her she's silly to worry but don’t know much about it. LEARN how it works and what the risks are and why. LEARN what tests have been done with it.

-Have you read everything Alan Moore wrote? V FOR VENDETTA? THE WATCHMEN? FROM HELL? Get em and read em! (maybe comic books won't really count as “something productive” though, but that’s up to you)

-You want to lose weight and be healthier? Read the article in last Sundays NY Times Magazine on dieting and why Atkins MAY (or may not) be right...

-Ever wanted to care for a Bonsai tree?

-Single and need a few extra bucks? Kill 2 birds with one stone and look into sperm bank donations!

-Interested in writing and improv and comedy? Write a short (5-10 minute) play. Itd probably be fun and a good exercise. Or it could be terrible and a waste of time. Hmmm...

The added bonus of doing these things is that it'll give you good material for your online diary. Instead of “Today I ate salt and vinegar chips” you can write “Today I met these guys who train in Medieval Martial Arts and I signed up for 3 classes with them. More on this tomorrow!”

You have an opportunity to do things that most people your age don’t because theyre too busy with school or full-time jobs, so take advantage of it!

Just so you know, I'm not really around much nowadays (I'm working terrible hours at the hospital) so email is generally a better way to reach me than the phone for the next month or so.

Miss you Mr Pack
Cheers
Reed
_________________________________________________________

Interesting... Usually when I want to learn more about something, I just do it, so I can't think of many things to fall into that catagory - but the fun things to do is intriguing. Medieval martial arts sounds badass. And I really should work on my French before I forget it all. I also have a blank canvas in my room that could be painted. And I wanted to make some cookies. More on all of this later.

 

[mattpack]

An Open Letter to Michelle Branch

(The following is an open letter to teen pop-rock sensation Michelle Branch. You can learn more about Michelle Branch here.)

Dear Michelle,

It's been a week now since I came to my realisation. I was listening to the infectious pop-rock harmonies and power chords of your smash hit "Everywhere" when it dawned on me. I know this is somewhat sudden and I don't want to scare you off, but you and I are soulmates.

Initially, I didn't notice you or your beautiful guitar playing. You see Michelle, I don't usually listen to pop music. I've grown up on hip hop, and I usually just stick to early '90s hip hop records, or something from the New York or Bay Area underground scene. That all changed when I discovered you on a little show called TRL. There you were in your video, singing away. I don't know that much about pop music, but I know what rocks. YOU rock Michelle. It took me a while to realise that we were meant for each other. But once I did the signs were absolutely everywhere. In your video for the scintilating, touching single "All You Wanted," everyone freezes in place and it's EXACTLY like The Matrix. I LOVED The Matrix. In the same (brilliant) video, you show your concern for the environment by taking public transportation everywhere you go. I think that's SO beautiful. Can't you feel our connection?

In an attempt to find our future, I've taken to the internet. You know what I've found, Michelle? Destiny. More specifically, our destiny. After watching all your videos on michellebranch.com, I found your number one internet fansite, michellebranch.ca. I got to discover a little more about my future life-partner. Did you know your favorite passtimes include rollerblading and bowling, Michelle? Did you know that MY favorite passtimes include rollerblading and bowling too? I bowled a 183 the other day. Still not convinced? Your favorite foods are pie and ice cream. I LOVE pie and ice cream. Your favorite vacation spot is Moab, Utah. I've never been to Utah, but I have a friend who is Mormon. And her name is Michelle too! This CANNOT be coincidence.

Anxiously awaiting your reply,

Matt

 

[mattpack]

Fallout from "An Open Letter to Michelle Branch"

Mattisill: my latest journal entry is an open letter to Michelle Branch
Mattisill: because i love her
Sharonos: i do not support that at all
Mattisill: michelle and i have a beautiful love!
Sharonos: she is a no-talent hack
Mattisill: don't talk about my girl like that!
Mattisill: we're soulmates!
Sharonos: ugh
Mattisill: seriously though, i like her songs
Sharonos: you like that voice?
Sharonos: when i talk to you on the phone i'll do my impression
Sharonos: i am widely known for my michelle b impression
Mattisill: i'm excited for the impression
Sharonos: as you should be
Mattisill: it'll be awesome
Sharonos: people have flocked to me from far and wide just to hear it
Sharonos: when she sings it is an auditory assault
Sharonos: that is how i can best describe it
Mattisill: i LOVE her!
Sharonos: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mattisill: hahahahaha
Sharonos: that is vile
Sharonos: i have nothing nice to say about her so i am not going to say anthing at all
Mattisill: LOVE HER!
Sharonos: you taunt me
Mattisill: i do!
Sharonos: i am reading the journal
Mattisill: i hope you like it!