So, shit, huh, yup, that's right; I've been having comical dreams again. The kind of dreams where you wake up laughing only to find yourself crying a minute later because your reallity engulfs you, and you wish your dreams were your reallity. My dreams are usually borderline psychological drama's, subconcience thoughts, and utter farse. Let me give you a synopsis of a couple of those dreams...
Dream #1: Apocolypse Cow
It is midday on a rolling Oregonian hill. Dozens of burly heffers and steers trottle and bask under the hellish sun. One cow in particular grazes on an ear of corn. Nothing interesting seems to happen for the better half of my dream until one of the cows spits out some groth. The focus turns from the cow to the green pasty spat of gue. The gue resembles some sort of alien life form. not an actual life sized alien but more of a raw moving vegetable.
At this moment, two classified detectives arrive at the entrance of the farm. Both men, clad and stunning, resemble Jack Nicholson in China Town. An old style mocked by contemporary male features. Detective Puner and special agent Moss were their names.
Cut a way back to the farm, where we see a cattle farmer (Hud) unloading a couple hundred or so ears of corn for the cows to feast on. All the cows begin hurling little alien vegetables one by one. The farmer picks a plastic bag from one of his overall pockets. He steps from one cow to another catching the little creatures as a they pop out from the cow's mouths'.
Pune and Moss approach the front door of the farmers barn house. An elder but young looking lady opens the door and greets the agents. The agents ask if they could have a look around the house.
Agent Moss: "Oh boy, am I starving, would you mind if I asked you for something to eat mam before we get started, do you mind?"
Farmers Wife: "Oh, well, not at all, I'll bring out a nice brisket for you."
Moss: "Brisket?"
Pune: No, that's okay, mam, we'll only need a minute or so of your time. (to Moss) Just give her the Q's so we can get out of here, please."
Agent Moss: "Fair enough, so mam, We've been hearing reports of a rancid stench coming from this area around 11 to 4 in the afternoon, we've been hearing reports."
Farmers Wife: "Oh, well, Oh"
Pune: "yes, what my partner is trying to say, Mam, is that we've been hearing reports of a rancid stench coming from this area from 11 to 4 in the afternoon."
Farmers wife: "Oh, well, oh, okay, well, oh, oh (beat) oh, okay."
Moss: "Do you have any idea where this unidentified smell is coming from, or what it is; Do you have any Idea what this smell is, or where it's coming from, mam?"
Farmers Wife: "oh, well, we do slaughter cows you know, and sometimes it smells, okay."
Moss: "Oh, well, oh, well, okay, I guess that puts an end to this case, I'm starving, how abou--"
Pune: "But wouldn't most of the town residents recognize or atleast familiarize themselves with that odor if they have been living here all there life?"
Moss: "Hey, she says she and her husband slaughter cows and that's why it smells. I mean, would you contemptively question a hoer for screwing fat sweaty jews, leave it to the land pune. Pune, land it to the leave, you know."
-Farmer Hud enters the living room, dusting off the crud off his hands
Hud: "Bess, I think I'm gonna go into town and... (stops, pauses, in an awkward stare followed by a nod) Hiya. Bess, what did I tell you about letting in strange men in our house."
Farmers Wife: "Oh, If they have a bible, then they're entitled, but if they're book ain't black, they must go back."
Hud: "No, the other one."
Wife: "Oh, Okay, If they is a stripper, I'm aloud to kick her-
Hud: "No, the other-"
Pune: "Sir, I'm Agent Moss and that's detective Pune (Pune Nods), we work for the government."
Hud: "Oh, mailmen."
Moss: "No, were-"
Hud: "Teachers. Look, I don't support public-"
Pune: "No, were C-"
Hud: "Corporals on leave, well, shit, we got plenty of food and Jim Bean if
ya-"
Wife: "If they're queers in red, shoot 'em dead, but if they're jeans are blue let 'em through."
Hud: "I think the weather channel has a special dear, go into the guest room and keep thinking about it."
Wife: "oh, well, oh, okay, well, (walking off) okay, well (voice trailling) oh, okay, oh, well..."
Pune: "CIA inspectors, we came because of reports of a strange smell coming from this general area."
Hud: "Well... we do slaughter cows you know."
Moss: "See, more evidence, just let it slide Pune, let this one slide,Pune slide this one lets, alright."
Pune: "Mr. Morowitz, please, Do you know of any other reasons why a potentially toxic smell or worse, deadly fungi, or even alien gue is pollinating the air people breathe in this town. I'm asking you to for your lifes sake, their lives, maybe even the lives of global humanity, Do you have any idea whatsoever."
Moss: "Morowitz?"
Hud: "didn't I just tell you I slaughter, deficate, disembowel, demember freakin' cows. Do You want me to give you a tour of the Limb Box, or a guide through the conveyor belt of bloody animal shit in the Factory across us from the right of this house? Do I have To unzip my pants and show you the scar all cattle farmers have to prove to you that I'm a goddamn freakin' cattle farmer."
Pune: Okay, okay, your right, it's probably nothing. I'm sorry sir. Moss, your right, were wasting his time. Thank you Mr. Morowitz (heading towards door) for your time, we're very sorry to disrupt any of your dailly activities, we'll be heading out now, bye."
Hud: (dampens head with a handkerchief) Well hell, it's okay boys, I'm sorry as well. At first, I thought you guys were queer, then I thought you were just city real estate owners trying to buy out our house, but now I know what you guys are and i knows you mean well. Hey, I'll tell you what, I'll make it up to you, How about I get you guys a couple a drinks and maybe a little something to eat. Would you like that."
Moss:: "Oh, hell yes! Pune..."
Pune: (sighs, swipes specs on his under shirt) "Alright, why the hell not."
Hub: "Great! Now, do you guys like broccoli or greens, 'cause i picked some fresh on out today from the garden."
Pune: "Yeah, I'm fine with that."
Moss: "Sure, but hell, I'll eat some fucking cow dick if you got it, I don't care, I need some meat in my stomach."
Cut back to cattle on the open field, and a close up of one of the cows. The Cow in an evilish whimper, laughs the light of day into night.
The End
I wrote this dream in my journal when I woke up yesterday, I've got plenty others to let you guys read by the way.
Dream #1: Apocolypse Cow
It is midday on a rolling Oregonian hill. Dozens of burly heffers and steers trottle and bask under the hellish sun. One cow in particular grazes on an ear of corn. Nothing interesting seems to happen for the better half of my dream until one of the cows spits out some groth. The focus turns from the cow to the green pasty spat of gue. The gue resembles some sort of alien life form. not an actual life sized alien but more of a raw moving vegetable.
At this moment, two classified detectives arrive at the entrance of the farm. Both men, clad and stunning, resemble Jack Nicholson in China Town. An old style mocked by contemporary male features. Detective Puner and special agent Moss were their names.
Cut a way back to the farm, where we see a cattle farmer (Hud) unloading a couple hundred or so ears of corn for the cows to feast on. All the cows begin hurling little alien vegetables one by one. The farmer picks a plastic bag from one of his overall pockets. He steps from one cow to another catching the little creatures as a they pop out from the cow's mouths'.
Pune and Moss approach the front door of the farmers barn house. An elder but young looking lady opens the door and greets the agents. The agents ask if they could have a look around the house.
Agent Moss: "Oh boy, am I starving, would you mind if I asked you for something to eat mam before we get started, do you mind?"
Farmers Wife: "Oh, well, not at all, I'll bring out a nice brisket for you."
Moss: "Brisket?"
Pune: No, that's okay, mam, we'll only need a minute or so of your time. (to Moss) Just give her the Q's so we can get out of here, please."
Agent Moss: "Fair enough, so mam, We've been hearing reports of a rancid stench coming from this area around 11 to 4 in the afternoon, we've been hearing reports."
Farmers Wife: "Oh, well, Oh"
Pune: "yes, what my partner is trying to say, Mam, is that we've been hearing reports of a rancid stench coming from this area from 11 to 4 in the afternoon."
Farmers wife: "Oh, well, oh, okay, well, oh, oh (beat) oh, okay."
Moss: "Do you have any idea where this unidentified smell is coming from, or what it is; Do you have any Idea what this smell is, or where it's coming from, mam?"
Farmers Wife: "oh, well, we do slaughter cows you know, and sometimes it smells, okay."
Moss: "Oh, well, oh, well, okay, I guess that puts an end to this case, I'm starving, how abou--"
Pune: "But wouldn't most of the town residents recognize or atleast familiarize themselves with that odor if they have been living here all there life?"
Moss: "Hey, she says she and her husband slaughter cows and that's why it smells. I mean, would you contemptively question a hoer for screwing fat sweaty jews, leave it to the land pune. Pune, land it to the leave, you know."
-Farmer Hud enters the living room, dusting off the crud off his hands
Hud: "Bess, I think I'm gonna go into town and... (stops, pauses, in an awkward stare followed by a nod) Hiya. Bess, what did I tell you about letting in strange men in our house."
Farmers Wife: "Oh, If they have a bible, then they're entitled, but if they're book ain't black, they must go back."
Hud: "No, the other one."
Wife: "Oh, Okay, If they is a stripper, I'm aloud to kick her-
Hud: "No, the other-"
Pune: "Sir, I'm Agent Moss and that's detective Pune (Pune Nods), we work for the government."
Hud: "Oh, mailmen."
Moss: "No, were-"
Hud: "Teachers. Look, I don't support public-"
Pune: "No, were C-"
Hud: "Corporals on leave, well, shit, we got plenty of food and Jim Bean if
ya-"
Wife: "If they're queers in red, shoot 'em dead, but if they're jeans are blue let 'em through."
Hud: "I think the weather channel has a special dear, go into the guest room and keep thinking about it."
Wife: "oh, well, oh, okay, well, (walking off) okay, well (voice trailling) oh, okay, oh, well..."
Pune: "CIA inspectors, we came because of reports of a strange smell coming from this general area."
Hud: "Well... we do slaughter cows you know."
Moss: "See, more evidence, just let it slide Pune, let this one slide,Pune slide this one lets, alright."
Pune: "Mr. Morowitz, please, Do you know of any other reasons why a potentially toxic smell or worse, deadly fungi, or even alien gue is pollinating the air people breathe in this town. I'm asking you to for your lifes sake, their lives, maybe even the lives of global humanity, Do you have any idea whatsoever."
Moss: "Morowitz?"
Hud: "didn't I just tell you I slaughter, deficate, disembowel, demember freakin' cows. Do You want me to give you a tour of the Limb Box, or a guide through the conveyor belt of bloody animal shit in the Factory across us from the right of this house? Do I have To unzip my pants and show you the scar all cattle farmers have to prove to you that I'm a goddamn freakin' cattle farmer."
Pune: Okay, okay, your right, it's probably nothing. I'm sorry sir. Moss, your right, were wasting his time. Thank you Mr. Morowitz (heading towards door) for your time, we're very sorry to disrupt any of your dailly activities, we'll be heading out now, bye."
Hud: (dampens head with a handkerchief) Well hell, it's okay boys, I'm sorry as well. At first, I thought you guys were queer, then I thought you were just city real estate owners trying to buy out our house, but now I know what you guys are and i knows you mean well. Hey, I'll tell you what, I'll make it up to you, How about I get you guys a couple a drinks and maybe a little something to eat. Would you like that."
Moss:: "Oh, hell yes! Pune..."
Pune: (sighs, swipes specs on his under shirt) "Alright, why the hell not."
Hub: "Great! Now, do you guys like broccoli or greens, 'cause i picked some fresh on out today from the garden."
Pune: "Yeah, I'm fine with that."
Moss: "Sure, but hell, I'll eat some fucking cow dick if you got it, I don't care, I need some meat in my stomach."
Cut back to cattle on the open field, and a close up of one of the cows. The Cow in an evilish whimper, laughs the light of day into night.
The End
I wrote this dream in my journal when I woke up yesterday, I've got plenty others to let you guys read by the way.