TROUPE THAT! (The birth of The Beatnik Syndicate)

[BEATNIKSF]

Dreams, Moving And Other Crap

I'm up at an unearthly hour - after what time I went to sleep last night - had weird dreams about doing a show with Jeff Syroney and Neve Campbell at the Climate... Haven't thought about Jeff Syroney in about a dozen years. He being the first guy at college whom I had a thing for. Was the stage manager of some show I was in... very suave, very metro-sexual (except that term didn't exist in 1990.) Crushed on him pretty dang hard. He (at the time) was into my friend - Michelle Sibits. That was kind of a theme of the early 1990's for me... I'd meet a guy that I was into, start hanging out with them... they would develop a thing for Michelle. It's not as if Michelle wasn't fabulous - she was completely fabulous. (Still is... at least from what I hear - haven't talked to her in years.) Just - it's not like I wasn't all that and a bag of chips... I was a little goth-punk-grunge goddess with flowing red hair and striking green eyes in the early 1990's. Black clunky shoes, tights and the whole Heathers look... very much me.

I was cute.

But, really insecure.
And, somewhat needing attention.

As one guy said - "Kate you're too much work."

Ouch.

Less like that now. Or, I keep it hidden better.

Anyhow, Jeff Syroney came out of the closet my Junior year and started dating my friend Mark.

Playing into another theme of my early 1990's dating life - Kate lusts after gay men. Or, after dating me/sleeping with me/me expressing interest in you... you come out.

My friend Arik described me as a "class A Fag-Hag" once... guess it was quite true during that time.

Years later (like two years ago) Arik told me I was a "class A Hussie."

I love Arik - I've been friends with him since high school... he's such an awesome guy. He lived with my parents for awhile our senior year - when his Dad kicked him out of the house after he came out.

He's so quiet and unassuming -- but, once and awhile he'll just burst out with these really, really funny statements.

Don't know why I dreamt of Jeff Syroney. Very odd.
***

So, we decided at dinner last night that the best plan of attack for the moving issue was to rent a cargo van and do the big stuff in trips on Monday. Parking being a HUGE issue in Chinatown - we were skeptical if we would be able to find a place to park a moving truck in close proximity to our apartment. It looks like Thomas is going to help us with the big stuff (couch, beds, desk, dresser, table, big TV, etc...) Then Martin and I are going to run loads of boxes back and forth for the rest of the day. Monday will be a hellish day for me - but, then it'll be done and I can go about getting settled into the place.

We are also taking trips of stuff over there today. Lugging suitcases on Muni, etc... The idea being if I can eliminate all the exterainous crap from the apartment it'll make moving the stuff we can't take on Muni that much easier. So - as soon as I shower we're taking over a load. Doing some cleaning over there - coming back so I can switch my laundry around... repacking the suitcase... taking another load.

I have to go with AE to pick up Jesse Parent at the airport - which means I need to leave to take BART to meet her by 5-ish, I think... I also need to go to the bank. I also need to get boxes. This weekend is going to suck my ass - but, oh well.

I want to take the class which Jesse is teaching for us this weekend - but, I don't know if I'm going to be able to - as I HAVE to be ready to move everything by Monday.

This is really disappointing to me, as I have been really looking forward to the class... in fact, this is a class I really want all of BS to take.

However, I cannot let my housing sitch go unattended.

I'm going to try to sneak out of the moving issues at least one of the days and take the class. I have a troupe meeting for BS after the class on Sunday that I need to attend... so I guess Sunday is the logical day.

Anyhow.
I gotta get moving. Stuff to do, stuff to do.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

I Have Stuff To Say...

But, cannot remember what it is.
Damn beer - you are my enemy!

Picked up Jesse Parent at the airport w/ AE last night... went from there to see the Improv Revolution All-Stars show at the new Off Market Gallery space... the crowd was small, but I thought that the improv was awesome. Went to the Cheiftan after that for beers and such... hence my memory loss.

Good times, good times.

Class in two hours and twenty minutes - I think I'm going to have to eschew moving stuff before then. I'm so tired my eyes are crossed & I have to go meet Jesse in a bit to go over to the space.

But, tomorrow - I will move stuff... for sure!
I think I'm going to have to ditch on DW's show... I have too much to do.

That makes me feel like a bad friend. But, I'm looking around my room and there is just no way that I'm going to be ready to move everything on Monday morning if I don't come home after the workshop and do some hardcore packing.

I should have gone on Thursday when I had the chance.

Aiiee.

***
Thought of the Day:

A improv Jam isn't an actual "jam" if play is by "invitation only."

Then it's an invitational show.

Jam implies that anyone who happens to be there can sit in... the history of that being in Jazz... that musicians would just drop by their friend's sets and jam with them. Their presence was unplanned, uninvited - but, welcomed.

I have no idea what made me think about that right now. But, there you go.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

Jesse Parent is an awesome teacher. And, the Hook is an awesome format. I feel very stimulated - artistically - by the past two days of our workshop with him.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

Feeling Not Supported

Do you ever just want to throw your hands up in the air and say "why the fuck do I continue to work this hard when I'm not getting any support?"

That's how I feel right now.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

New Apartment. My friends are freaks. The "in your butt" song. I'm poor.

Well - with the exception of a few boxes of fragile stuff (which I left at the old apartment to move on Saturday in Martin's car) I am moved into the new apartment.

It was a bitch. Let me tell you.

First off - Pursuit of Happiness (the latest in a string of potential bad movies staring Will Smith) was filming in the alley next to my apartment building in Chinatown. Which meant the production company - bastards that they are - had the entire street blocked off with various crew trucks. There was no parking for several blocks -- with the exception of ONE loading space directly in front of my apartment... which was being fought over by local merchants.

So - we had to have one person sit with the moving van at all times. That person was me. (Because, I cannot lift a 100lb couch as well as Thomas and Martin can... but, I'm not complaining. I was quite glad to sit in the van.)

Because we were fairly certian as of Sunday that this was going to be the case & that parking a UHaul truck in Chinatown would be next to impossiable... we rented a cargo van. Which required us to move the contents of the Franklin St. apartment in four trips.

Not so bad... except. Our new apartment is on the top floor of our building. And, there is no elevator.

You can surmise from this fact that by the time we were done - everyone was quite grouchy and tired.

I went to bed at 6:30 pm. Something I haven't done since I was about nine years old.

Did I forget to mention that we had to get up at 5 am to go get the stupid van? Well, we did...

That explains the level of exhaustion we all felt. Blah.

I never want to move again... if the time comes that I move out of this apartment - I am hiring people to do it for me.

***
Have I mentioned that my friends are freaks? Well they are.

10 pm Monday night -- cell phone rings. It's SS. The whole crew - minus me - is at Rich's following the Jam. Somehow, CH has become convinced that it is my birthday. So they call me to sing "Happy Birthday" to me.

Sweet.

Except my birthday is November 15th. And, I have no idea how CH became convinced my b-day was Oct. 24th... and, wouldn't it suck to have to move on your b-day? Golly.

Not to mention - on the SFIC Tribe discussion group - there is an ENTIRE POST about the fact that I will not teach the Longform Lab on Nov. 15th... BECAUSE IT'S MY B-DAY!

:loopy:

I was very touched that they would call me in the middle of the night to wish me a happy b-day were I not hanging with them... I can assure everyone that on Nov. 14th I plan on attending the Jam - specifically for the purpose of getting butt wasted at Rich's after the Jam by midnight.

Hopefully, I will get the actual DAY of my birthday off of work so I don't have to go into work with a hangover.

***
DAMN YOU JESSE PARENT FOR TEACHING ME THE "IN MY BUTT" SONG!

DAMN YOU, I SAY!

That fucking song has been stuck in my head for the past four days. I even taught it to Martin so we could sing it on Muni...

DAMN YOU!



***
I am scarily poor right now. My grant check was returned to sender (for some unknown reason.) My paycheck doesn't come until next Friday. I don't get the remainder of my relocation payment until next Wednesday. And, this past week I laid out over two-grand for this apartment... and, about $500 additional towards costs for my spring production of "Bang, Bang! You're Dead." Meaning I have about $10 to my name until such time as I get paid. (Though, I might be able to pick up my grant check - should I get a chance to get to the TBA offices.)

I think this is the poorest I ever have been. I don't think I got to this level of poverty - even - living in LA. (And, GOD! Was I ever poor there.)

It's going to be a ramen noodle kind of week. It's going to be a walking every where kind of week. It's going to be a drinking tap-water (as opposed to my $1.79/bottle 'Smart Water') kind of week. Aiee-yiee. :nervous:

Although, I did manage to purchase three bags of groceries on Stockton St. for $8 yesterday... good stuff, too. Martin is going to Safeway today and I asked him if he'd front me $$ for cheese, tofu, bread and milk. That was a humbling experiance - let me tell you. Thankfully, I have known Martin for a gazillion years... so he's not put off by this & is willing to do it for me. (I think the fact that I let him live with me, rent free, for an entire month prior to us finding an apartment kind of helps the matter, too...)

This will be an interesting week, that's for sure.

Gah.

Thankfully, it's just temporary.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

Have I Mentioned How Much Temping Sucks?

So the teaching schedule has been kind of slow as of late. I am running short on cash - so I thought I'd call up the temp service I worked for when I first moved to SF and pick me up some hours here and there...

I forgot, however, how much temping sucks ass.

Oh - does it ever.

It is boring. It is exhausting.

How can it be these two things at the same time?

The only comfort I have is knowing I'll get that paycheck for $600 some odd bucks at the end of next week.

Boo, temping!

Hurry up December so I can go back to contract teaching in the private schools... (who thought I'd ever say that?)

I have three workshops booked in December netting me about four grand.
That will set me up pretty through the holidays.
Provided I don't spend it all on Xmas shit.

I'm going to bed. It's going to be morning before I know it. :nervous:

 

[BEATNIKSF]

The Weird Phenonmenom Of Funerals Going Past My Apartment Building...

In the past three days there have been five funeral processions - complete with brass band - which have gone by my new apartment building. And, as my bedroom faces the street - I hear them coming from a mile away.

This is strange - I wonder if there is a funeral home around here who's processional route goes the same way every time they have a service? Must be.

The other strange thing about death in San Francisco is that there are no cemetaries here. People who were born, lived, worked and died in SF don't lay to rest here. There are a bunch of cemetaries in one city - which I cannot remember the name of - a short distance outside the city.

Death. Heavy.
***

I was SO exhausted last night. I wanted to go out with AE to some party in Pleasanton... but, due to the financal situation and my level of being just damn tired from my temp job prevented me from doing as such...

Make that six funerals... one going past right now.

...anyhow. I sat on the couch, watched Repo Man with Martin and had a bowl of potato leek soup. I went to bed at 10:30 pm. On a Friday. I am so lame.

***
I pick up my relocation fee check on Monday. Thank god.
I also get paid on Monday. Double thank god.

***
Tomorrow we are holding callbacks for improvisers for BS's January show. I think we have some amazing people coming out to play with us at rehearsal... I talked with MDP on Wednesday - he's 100% in for the Dec. 2 show, January and any festivals we get accepted to... which thrills me. I'm hoping that we can convince Julie Potter to come work with us for Dec. 2 and the January show... which I want to be 'the Hook.' The January show - that is. I think Dec. 2 will just be a pick-up from the October show... perhaps with a guest poet... or, maybe with a freestyle rapper? We'll see.

I'm psyched to get into the swing of things for Dec & Jan... as I have had an improv free (mostly) week... and, am feeling kind of sluggish and anxious to get back into the work.

I have to write PR's for the big Dec. 5th move of the MNJ, SM's improv intensive and the BS show on 12/2... that is all stuff going on in one weekend - wow - that's going to be improv-o-rama. Golly gee.

Okay. Enough dicking around on yee-ollllddd-crapppy-commmmputer.
I'm out.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

Fucking "fall back."
Why doesn't anyone tell me about this shit in advance?
Woke up an hour earlier than I needed to today.
Bah.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

So...
We cast one more person for BS... MD (an improviser who has recently relocated to the Bay area from Washington, D.C....) he's quick and got that East Coast improv sensibility that I really like.

Talked with ZS at length regarding directing the upcoming shows - so, he's in - which is good for me... because, that means I can just focus on performing. Something - which after the past eight months with this troupe I am longing to do. He rightly has some concerns about the skill levels of some of the troupe members... and, that this person's inability to take notes and grow from them is affecting other improviser's desire to play with them and the troupe in general.

I have addressed notes (via email) to the person in question in the hopes that they will improve to the point where I do not need to let them go from the ensemble. I don't want to 'fire' yet another person - especially one I'm very good friends with - but, I will not sacrifice the ensemble for the sake of a frienship.

From now on - this kind of thing is going to happen in a dmocratic fashion. I will not be constantly made the bad-guy. However, as I 'hired' this person - I must be in charge of helping them to make it work, assesing if that's possible and, if not, letting that person go...

Blah. I hate that.
HATE that.

Makes me feel like crap.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

My brain has been overcome by fatigue from writing press releases.
Bah.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

Friday

Well, it's been a rather uneventful week.

No Jam -- Halloween on Monday, y'know... and, in SF there is no hope in hell of getting improvisers to come out to play on holidays.

Didn't go to SS's class on Tuesday - as I had a sinus headache from the changing weather... fucking seasons.

Wednesday - did laundry and wrote press releases.
Thursday - was sick all day... but, managed to send out a CC regarding SM's class Dec. 3 & 4th...

Today... well, I'm procrastinating doing another load of laundry (because, to do so requires me to leave my apartment & go to the laundrymatte... something I haven't had to do since New Orleans)... procrastinating going to the bank - though, I better get a move on with that, otherwise I won't have $$ for the weekend - my cash card stopped working this week & now I have to wait a week for my new one to arrive.

Later this evening I am going out dancing with the ever fabulous Liz Green... but, I'm not meeting her until 10pm... so, perhaps I will see if there is anything playing tonight (improv/play/movie) which I am interested in seeing and go do that, first.

Tomorrow I'm slated to go to some jazz thing with Martin... and, then meet Thomas for a late night drink at Toscas. (Where I hope to spy hunky SF mayor - Gavin Newsome - yet, again... saw him in the back of a limo on Monday... he hangs out at Toscas - I have seen him there before. If we do see him, I'm sure it will inspire a string of "anti-Gavin" insults from Thomas - which will amuse me - as it angers him that the only reason I like Gavin Newsome is because he's hot. Very, very hot.)

Anyhow.

Sunday - BS rehearsal w/ZS at the helm. Yippie! I get to be a performer... woo-hoo!

I really have nothing more to write about - I'm feeling very uncreative this week. And, pretty tired, etc...

So, I'll stop typing.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

Saki and beer.
Not a good combination.
That is all.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

Welcome To My Hell...

My computer was acting wonky again. I took it into Best Buy to get it fixed & was without internet access for three days... *!ohgasphorrorwhattodonointernet!*

I survived, obviously... thank god for my cell phone.

Hah, hah.

Anyhow. The very expensive tune up that the computer recieved didn't seem to do it much good. I think I'm just going to have to prepare myself for the reality that I am going to have to ditch this bitch soon and buy me a new one.

This time I'm getting a Mac. Wang-fang-it, Chuck.

I have the flu. Again. This is what comes from working with children. You end up getting sick 90% more often than if you didn't. I love the fact that parents force their teenagers to go to school with fevers and hacking coughs. I know my mother forced me to do this when I was a teenager... never believed I was actually sick, etc. Good to see the tradition of parental suspicion continues into the next generation.

Between temping and teaching rheumy teenagers - welcome to my hell.

So, I was stuck w/out a computer for a couple of days. I ended up translating all that time that I'd be working on stuff for the SFIC or BS online into sitting around & reading... and, walking around San Francisco. My new apartment is quite centrally located. It's nice. I can walk just about anywhere on my side of Van Ness in 30 minutes. I haven't attempted to walk to the Haight or anywhere out that way yet... but, you never know. I might get inspired. Plug in my little ipod and go.

Reading wise - Liz Green gave me "Son of A Witch" for my b-day. I started that on Sunday - but, got quickly distracted by another book... read "Guru: My Days with Del Close" in the space of 12 hours or so. Think I might take Ike Barinholtz's suggestion on the back dust cover and read it again - it was so good. I just like being able to put human qualities to Del Close... for people who never knew him - he gets built up to this iconic status - and, it's hard to relate to someone elevated to deity. It was touching, funny, sad and educational. Loved it.

Haven't liked a book about a legend this much since I read "Bunny, Bunny" (memoir about Gilda Radner - by Alan Zwieble...)

Half-way through "Glamorama" by Bret Ellis Easton... not impressed thus far. More than likely will ditch it in favor of "Son of a Witch." Even though I was depressed and disappointed by all the other books Gregory MacGuire has written since "Wicked" -- it has the most potential.

Thomas is plotting a thingie for my b-day... sushi & air-hockey on Saturday. I've sent an email to people telling them if they want to come that they should call him. I don't feel very enthusiastic about my birthday this year.

Have been having reoccuring dreams of death. General depression and malaise... fun stuff.

Fucking hell.

BS is going well. Gave the improviser in question a bunch of notes. That person totally freaked out... ditched rehearsal on Sunday. Had to have a phone conversation with that person stating that the troupe was pissed about it... and, that they are on very thin ice as far as continuing with us into the upcoming shows in Dec & Jan... that they have to come in this Sunday and put up or they're out.

I hate being the bad guy - but, I have to respect the concensus of the troupe... and, it's better that bad news come from me and not from the entire group... I think that would make the person in question feel ganged up on.

Other than that - good stuff. MD and JP are in for the upcoming stuff. I'm trying to work out a rehearsal schedule around everyone's holiday conflicts. It would seem that Dec. 2 is JD's last show with us - as he's headed to Israel in January for several months.

ZS took the helm as director on Sunday - it went very smoothly. I really am digging his notes - they are helpful and address the issues with the level of improv that I found myself noting as I watched the DVD of our October performances... so that seems to be on the right track.

And, it's really nice to be able to sit back and just perform. I think we should rotate this responsibility through the troupe so that we can all have that opportunity.

Friday I'm going to go to see SS's show at the Gallery... to support. I encourage anyone in San Francisco to come out to see this - as AE and Adam Koppel are going to play with him. It should be fun.

Slowly I'm getting press shit together for BS. I have a meeting with MQ on Friday to deal with some of the logistics of doing shows/rehearsals over at the Off Market -- including utelizing his 1/2 price tix service thing and his media list (which is better than the SFIC's at this point...) I need to figure out a time to do a group photo of the troupe... so I can have a complete media kit.

Stuff, stuff, stuff...

I'm feeling so... eh... today.
Fucking rain.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

There is no way in hell that I am going to haul my fever ridden body out of bed to go all the way to the fucking Climate Theater to post a sign saying that the lab is cancelled because I am sick... NO. FUCKING. WAY.

Let them wonder. I just don't give a damn anymore.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

I am still sick.
However, I am feeling better than I did yesterday. No fever.
SS sounded shocked when I told him that via phone earlier... apparently I sound pretty damn bad.

I am hungry and there is no food to speak of in this house. I don't have the energy to go to the store & I don't want to burden Martin by calling him to ask him to (again) pick up stuff for me on his way home from work...

Is pizza good for the flu? Maybe I'll just do that. Or, order sushi... there's that place that delivers right by us.

Hungry.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

What I Learned Yesterday

There is this amazing place online where you can choose from over 300 SF resturants in your postal code... place the order online and they show up with your food several minutes later.

I had a cheesburger, fries and a piece of tiramisu... all for under $20... brought to my door.

What a discovery!

I am feeling better - although, I am not up to my normal zippy self - however, I am going to force myself to try to leave the house today... I need to stop by my agent's office to drop off more headshots, stop by the temp agency to pick up my paycheck, go to walgreens (as the curling iron of death finally bit the bucket & I need to replace it), go to the grocery store.

This all might be a bit ambitious for me - I still have a hacking cough and feel pretty spacy (lovely otc cough medicine...)

Yesterday was my Dad's b-day... I called him and chatted with both him and my Mommaship for a bit. The Sparkster (as we call him... or, Sparky for short) was in good spirits. He was quite amazed that I was able to order dinner over the internet and waxed eloquent on the glories of living in the city for a bit. I think that he's jealous sometimes... and, since I moved into this apartment in Chinatown, everytime I talk to him he manages to work in the phrase "it's Chinatown, Jake!" into the conversation... I've told him repeatedly that this is not the Chinatown they're talking about - that's LA - but, to him it doesn't matter. I was on the phone with him a week ago walking home from an audition and he told me that he ate a Christmas Eve dinner with my Uncle Mark in a resturant not too far from my apartment two years before I was born... interesting trivia.

My pop and I have a great relationship. I'm 100% a "Daddy's Girl"... I also happen to have a great relationship with my Mom. It's really nice.

The only big disadvantage of living in California is being so far away from them. I really, really enjoyed spending three weeks at home this summer - it was so nice just to be able to hang out with them. Some might consider it odd to be so close to one's parents... I think that one of the positive things which came from my brother Michael being such a disaster area for so many years was that it really made Matthew (youngest bro) and I stop and take stock of our family... and, really appreciate our parents.

In a little over a month I get to go home for a week. Bliss, pure bliss.

My parents are going to come to SF in March. I'm so exicted by this I can hardly stand it... they have to go to Hawaii for some conference (my parents are authors of several text books on education... along with being a Dean of Undergraduate Studies and Professor Emerittus of Education for Kent State University). They are going to add on three or four days at the front of their trip to spend time with me in the City. Apparently they have to go from Hawaii to Mississippi for another conference... and, my Mom thinks that they will need to leave some stuff at my place during the Hawaii leg of the trip to pick up on the way back. Meaning - they will stop through on their way back, too.

When I lived in Boston, if I was homesick, I could just schedule myself a weekend off and drive home. It was only eight, nine hours - depending on weather and how fast you drive. I remember one year I wasn't able to come home for the holidays until the day before Christmas... and, I had to drive through a terriable blizzard in western Mass and upstate Ny... it was so bad that my Mom wanted me to stop in Buffalo and stay at my Grandmother's house until the weather cleared up... but, I was stubborn and was able to get home at about 1am on Christmas Day. I was exhausted - and, had to turn around two days later and go back - but, it was worth it.

It's not so easy living out here. Last year I was in the middle of a holiday production where we only got 72 hours off for the holidays... I flew home on the red-eye on 12/23 and had to fly back on the red-eye on 12/26... it was pretty crazy. I don't even remember registering being home - although I'm told that I took my cousin to the movies, went to a Christmas party at my best friend & wife's place and generally was in pretty good spirits.

This summer I got to make up for not having been able to spend time at home... due to the surgery I decided that the best place to spend 14 voiceless days was in the company of the only people on earth whom I would be able to communicate non-verbally with ease with... Momma and the Sparkster. It all dovetailed nicely around my Aunt and cousin coming to the lake house for vacation. I got tan and read books and took the boat out with Sparky... helped my Mom plant some petunias... it was delightful.

Then I was home for a week for Matthew's wedding. Which was nice, yet hectic.

So the "Kate needs her Mommie and Daddy Karma Gods" did make up for hosing me at Xmas.

This is all blather... yaddah, yaddah.
***
Tomorrow I'm going to see Sam Shaw & the Sam Shaw Army Strike Again! I'm psyched to support SS, AE and Adam Koppel. It's bound to be a very funny show. I'm hoping to see Kate (I'm pretty sure I will)... as I think she's a hella cool person & am interested in hearing what she's been up to lately. I'm also hoping that my "crush-du-jour" will be there so I can get some quality flirting time in.

Flirting and improv... more than likely combined with beer! Way to kick off the "Kate B-day Extravaganza!"

Saturday is the sushi/saki/air-hockey fest at Yokihama & Crow Bar... woo! I don't know who all is coming to that besides Thomas and Martin... perhaps AE and Matthew... more than likely a couple of the Beatniks... not a big stinky crowd - but, I don't care. Raw fish and air-hockey -- there is no better way to celebrate one's b-day. (Though, my actual birthday is this coming Tuesday.)

***
So the problem child of BS has extracted herself from the troupe. I'm glad it worked out that way - I got the sense from the rest of the troupe that we were on the fast track to me having to have the "we can't use you in the troupe" conversation with her. She just didn't have the time to devote to the basics we needed from her... and, it was causing resentment and hostility towards her. Which isn't a good combination for good improv.

OKAY. I've procrastinated enough - I gotta get going. Stuff to do, stuff to do...

GOD, I LOVE THE KIDS IN THE HALL!

 

[BEATNIKSF]

Embarassing...

Such it is to realize - after spending an afternoon updating one's resume & sending it out to various cd's, etc - that you have left off the resume one of the most important credits in your performance history... you know, the credit which gets you in each and every door you submit to... the B-I-G credit with the B-I-G name director and the B-I-G name co-star... fuck.

I'm a dolt. Now I have to email every one of those that I did yesterday and say: "Um, I accidentally sent you an incomplete resume... here's the correct one."

Not that it mattered for KML - I got my audition slot with them. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do for that audition... orginal monologue? The one about puking on my Dad's ass? Or, is that too racy..? I don't think so... or, I could tell a joke... but, I ususally bomb at that. I'm not a punchline kind of gal - I'm a funny story kind of gal... okay. The one about puking on my Dad's ass when I was eight. There you go. I'll work on that this weekend.

Now I'm waiting to hear back from Cal Shakes, Shotgun and ACT. (Thankfully, I didn't email the bad resume to either Cal Shakes or ACT... just Shotgun, Theaterworks - which is bad - and, some small SF company who's name I cannot remember.)

My friend Lyra sent me a picture she recently unearthed while moving of me with Christopher Walken. Circa 1997, Boston. It's pretty damn cool. I am way skinny... and, my hair is really, really long. She also sent me a picture of Peter Husovsky from TTAM, circa 1996. I think it was taken at the Monmouth County fair... he seems to be eating fried dough. That man and fried food... he had a stomach of steel. I wonder whatever happened to him. Good lord did I have it bad for him.

And, my friend Rebecca sent me a birthday card - I haven't talked to Rebecca in about five years... I sent her an email w/my updated info... to all those BU peeps who moved to NYC like normal people instead of going to LA with me and Bevin. She enclosed a picture of her daughter, Moria -- it weirds me out to think that Becca is a mother. She used to be quite the party whore... I can remember many a night at the Roxy when I wanted to poo out earlier and she talked me into going to various after-hours places and kept me out until the ass crack of... you know?

I guess this getting older thing is alright - except I, mostly, still feel 25... and, with the exception of having a lower tolerance to alchohol, the need to go to sleep much earlier, the inability to sleep past 10 am and some laugh-lines here and there... just the same.

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH IMPROV?
Not a damn thing.

SM's class is filling up nicely. Let it be known to all you SF improvisers - if you want a slot in the Improv Intensive on 12/3 & 12/4 w/Mr. Morris - you'd better RSVP soon - it's still a month away and it's 1/4 full. We haven't even begun the big media push on it... you've been warned.

BS is going well - I finally got everyone to email conflicts so that I can do a rehearsal schedule. I was supposed to meet with MQ today - but, I had an emergency to contend with and had to reschedule... but, that's okay. I don't really know what we were going to talk about, anyhow... media shit. And, I don't know that we had more media shit to talk about past what we did last weekend.

Besides the fact that we need to get our shit together and get a group photo taken... I may need JD to do more DVDs for us. I don't like using that performance - but, it's the best we have thus far. Hopefully, after 12/2 we will have better, stronger tape. Or, at least choices of performances for people to watch.

I have not heard a dang thing from PIF or SITF... I hope they got our application packets. Gah. I should check the bank account to see if the checks were cashed... ?

Anyhow.

I have errands to run.
Crap.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

The Sam Shaw Army... Watching Friends Improvise... Confidence

SS has some good improv going on... I think he's got a good formula for what he's doing lately - rotating improvisers through his army, etc... last night I saw him play with AE and Adam Koppel - very funny stuff.

Adam Koppel (I hope that I'm spelling his name right) and his sig oth - Kate Emswiler (ditto on hers) are two NY to Bay transplants... both are really funny & solid improvisers. Very UCB - you can see it in their play - but, I think that's groovy. They have come (off and on) to the jam & it's always a pleasure to watch them on stage; or, to be on stage with them. Adam may start teaching for the SFIC soon...

SS and I talked (again) about the idea of doing an advanced improviser workout once or twice a month in the near future... I would love to invite Adam and Kate to participate in that, too -- as the last time we did it (SS, CH and myself) it was so helpful - as, aside from the occasional master class, intensive or workshop - the core company of the SFIC and several other improvisers in town don't have a non-tiered class structured to meet our improv training needs... I think one of the things I long for (and, one of the reasons I'm so psyched to have ZS directing Beatnik) is to have someone who I consider on the same level or more advanced than I am as an improviser pushing me to develop my craft further... I mean, there are lots of those improvisers in SF - ones who I respect and admire - but, there just doesn't seem to be a class where I don't have to pay $300 and commit to six weeks of study to be able to train with someone on that level... and, while I would eventually like to go down to LA or to Chicago for a period of time to take intensives at either UCB or Annoyance - that's not in the cards for the near future...

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, advanced improviser workshop. It's a good idea. I need something outside the Jam, my troupe and going to the Lab when other people teach it to light the fire under my ass... well it's already lit - I suppose I need someone to add more fuel.

Watching the Sam Shaw Army last night was fun. I really, really enjoy watching AE do her thing. She is so damn good. I think that she should receive far more attention as an improviser than she does - she really is the best female improviser I know. Seriously. The. Best. Period.

I'm always excited to watch her do things outside of OBN - which she is awesome in - but, it's nice to see her in other contexts. I'm super-duper excited to see what Y Que? becomes... I'm sure it will be equally as awesome as AE.

I love watching my friends improvise. I marvel in their talents and they make me laugh like no one else can... and, I always walk away feeling like I've grown in my craft - even though I wasn't the one up on stage doing the show... just watching the subtle, strong choices... the definable patterns... the cooperation... it inspires me to work harder and learn more...

This leading into: CONFIDENCE...

So, about a week ago SS called me (somewhat drunkenly) to chat about various assorted stuff... it was an amusing phone call - the crux of which was that he wanted to push on me (again) the fact that he thought I really, really needed to read Jeff Griggs book about Del Close... the conversation twisted and turned, until it reached the topic of the chapter in the book where Del Close spouts his theory about women and improv... SS asked me if he could read me the chapter... I asked him if it was going to make me angry - he told me that it more than likely would... I said, "Okay - as long as I know I'm going to be pissed off... I suppose if you really think it's that important for me to hear right now, go ahead."

So, he read it to me. And, parts of it did piss me off... but, I could see the point through it all. It boiled down to the idea that women need to play with confidence... play subtle characters (not the "crazy lady" - which is something that Mick Napier also echos in his book) and, stop seeking approval... confidence in craft, skill in craft and no need for external validation.

And, I agree with all of that. I think that it's true - that women need to do this. I, also, happen to think that these problems aren't just endemic of female improvisers - that you see those issues in all improvisers at some stage of their development... especially in improvisers who were at some point told that they "aren't funny..."

(And, I've had two people tell me that in my life as an improviser... one who told me that quite recently, actually... in fact I think that the exact words were "You're only an average improviser, if that, and you are not funny. No one wants to tell you that, but, I will." Side note - this person recently turned around and said - in public - that I was a "skilled improviser." How fucked up is that?)

I think that you just see this happen in women more than men - I don't know why, exactly... maybe men are better at hiding their insecurities - bravado and all... or, that men, as improvisers, receive more positive feedback early on - while women do have to still struggle for that acceptance and status within the community... or, for whatever reason.

I have a whole theory on the issue of confidence. It is quite eloquent and short: YOU HAVE TO FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.

If you don't have it - act like you do. Show no fear, etc... and, let the people around you raise you up and learn from them, etc...

I used to do a fire eating comedy show. And, like improv, variety arts are a "male dominant" performance realm... I never had any trouble interacting - as I grew up with two sarcastic brothers and a sarcastic dad... so I fit in. And, in fact - my friend Phil said about me in an interview for some show we did together: "We like Kate because she treats men the way that men treat women."

Maybe it's just me. Fake it until you make it. Don't be intimidated and if you are - mask it.

It's an actor thing, maybe... ?

Anyhow - point being - everyone has insecurities... it's how you deal with them that defines your public image as a performer... in any realm. If you go on stage thinking you're not as good as everyone else; or, looking for the approval and validation of someone other than yourself - that's going to read as weak, in any art form.

Recently, I had a member of BS bail on the troupe. She had been struggling for a while - and, upon the addition of improvisers who were much stronger than she was to the troupe she became blocked and fell back into her bad, beginning improviser habits which she had spent the past year breaking... I was quite disappointed in this. As, I really, really, REALLY believed in this individuals potential to be an amazing asset to the troupe... but, her reaction to being paired on stage with strong improvisers was to freak out and be like "Oh, shit, I'm not as good as they are why am I here?"

Which I don't understand. I will say this about my own improv. I am not always secure in the fact that I am a good improviser. Who is? But, what I do know is this - I am excellent at two things: I tell a good story and I can mirror anyone. So, my reaction when I am paired on stage with improvisers whose skill far surpasses mine is that I get excited and light up like a pin-ball machine... as, when I jump on stage and can a.) hold my own against and b.) mirror and pick up from someone who I think is the shiznit in improv land - it MAKES ME BETTER AS AN IMPROVISER. It builds my confidence, I learn new stuff and can explore new depths of my craft...

And, I know amazing improvisers. Look at any of the people in Beatnik - to be on stage with any one of those people - excites me. Because they make me raise up to my highest game.

Jamming or being in a workshop where I get to play against AE, SS, CH... SM... Eli Newell... Mick Napier... fuck, those experiences are better than drugs to me - as they take me to levels of improv, teach me things... having SM jump into a scene with me in a workshop - so insignificant to the world that he probably doesn't even remember it - but, it was a moment where a light bulb went on over my head - bing - and, I was just like "OH, so that's what _________ is about..." Doing a scene at the Jam with Eli and watching him take this crazy character and filter it through himself so that it was just that thin veil of a character that you hear people talk so much about... light bulb on over the head - bing! CH - as an improviser - has taught me the most I've ever learned about confidence on stage... sitting in the bar following a shitty jam and having him tell me that I need to stop running away from uncomfortable power struggles in scenes - to hold fast to my deal - bing! Mick Napier telling me to stop talking in scenes so much - bing! AE telling me not to play crazy characters because I use them as an excuse not to participate in the scene - bing! SS hammering me over and over and over again about staying in the moment - even when I think I'm in the moment - bing!

These are all improvisers who I think - and, know - are far and away stronger, funnier, better crafted than I am... hell, Mick Napier is my damn idol of improv...

Where would I be if I ran away from the opportunity to be on stage with them? Or, to learn from them? No where...

Do I feel insecure in my craft next to them?

Sure.

But, you gotta fake it until you make it.

Don't run away from strength on stage - embrace it, learn from it, grow from being near it and learn how to MATCH IT.

Confidence.

Dogs, bees and improvisers can smell fear.

Fake it until you make it, baby.

 

[BEATNIKSF]

Best - Weirdest Birthday Party Ever...

Last night was wholly fun in the most part.

It is now quarter to one and I just got up fifteen minutes ago. That is how fun it was for me... I woke up KNOWING that I had to call and apologize to Thomas for being obnoxiously drunk and calling him at four in the morning... I woke up knowing that I had to apologize to Martin for maybe hitting on him in my drunk, obnoxious state... I woke up with the knowledge that I got my ass kicked at pool three times and at air hockey four times... I woke up with a slight memory of letting MD's friend (female) feel the inside of my Victorias Secret gel bra (she was thinking of purchasing one) and that my friends are real smart asses...

I woke up - which is a start. I did not wake up dead. I did not wake up in jail. My bedroom looks like a cyclone hit it - I'm not real sure what happened in there last night... to the best of my knowledge I did not throw anything breakable out of a window or over a balcony... to the best of my knowledge I did not throw up on anyone's porch or in anyone's car... to the best of my knowledge I was able to get myself home from the Crowbar on my own two feet... I did go to sleep (or, pass out) at some point in my own bed, in pajamas... I think that's the reason my room looks like a cyclone hit it... but, for as inebrieated as I was it's a feat in of it's self that those things did and did not happen... and, I have not been contridicted as of yet - and, I have at this point conversed with both Thomas and Martin. I will more than likely need to check in with AE just to make sure...

But, as it stands: These are all good things.

I had fun.
I had raw fish.
I had a large saki, a small saki, three strong rums and cokes and an unidentified birthday shot.
I did not have the shot of Jamisons which Thomas thought it would be funny to buy for me...
But, Martin did...
I got my ass kicked at pool.
I got my ass kicked at air-hockey (fuckers won't even let me win on my damn birthday!)
I got my ass smacked by the bouncer at the Crowbar... eep!
I danced like a retarded two year old to awesome punk tunes I played off the greatest jukebox in the world... (well, except for the one at the Port in Kenosha, WI.)
I bruised my elbow and upper thigh with my over-animated air-hockey playing.


AE, Matthew, Teresa, MD and his two friends, Martin and Thomas = Best - Weirdest Birthday Party Ever...

Now I should shower and get ready for Beatnik rehearsal...
Heh.
:loopy:

 

[BEATNIKSF]

A quick thought struck me on my way to the shower...

Last year on my birthday (2004) I was in New Orleans -on a shoot which thinly masked the true purpose of that trip - with my old roommate Jannine, my friend Beth, my film-making partner - Dave and the only woman I'll ever truly love - Lauren... And, I got completely wasted, stayed out/up until 2 pm the following day and called Thomas (who was still my boyfriend) at 4 am from THE CROWBAR (NOLA) all depressed that he wasn't there...

How much has changed since then?
Weirder and weirder.

The year before that, (2003), Thomas and I were in New Orleans for my birthday - we had just moved to Kenosha and I was depressed... he suprised me with a trip to the big sleazy to hang with friends...

The year before that, (2002) Thomas and I were living in New Orleans and he planned a party for me at the bar where I was working... and, we showed up - no one was there - and, it bummed me out. But, then by an hour later the entire bar was filled up with my friends there to wish me a happy birthday... I drank 30 shots of "red-headed slut..." Thomas went up to Bourbon Street to get my old roommate, Muriel (who is now deceased) from work and got into a fist fight with a tourist... I kissed everyone in the bar before I went home... my boss gave me a birthday present of $300... and, I tipped my friend Jeremy 1/2 of that on my way out of the bar.

The year before that (2001) my best friend, Pinkie - came to New Orleans to celebrate my bday with me... I was there doing a show - after which the entire cast & crew came out to Bourbon St. with me and Pink... I got butt wasted and made out with a sleazy magician... I was in the middle of breaking up with my b-friend in LA and he kept calling my cell phone... finally, Pinkie took my cell phone away from me and stuck it down her pants.

The year before that (2000) I was in New Orleans doing a show and my b-friend (the one who I was in the middle of breaking up with the following year) flew in from LA... we stayed at a bed and breakfast in the Garden District and we went to see the Dead Kennedys (sans Jello Biafra) play at my friend Ronan's bar - where I randomly ran into my oldest friend, Jenny and her husband who were in town for some conference...

This is the first year in five that I have not been in New Orleans for my birthday.
Wow.