I saw this blind guy yelling at the MTA worker in the booth about how, he didn't need any help, "I may be blind, but I'm not stupid!"
Then this other blind guy on the Subway platform was like, "Yeah, you tell 'em brother!"
The Blind guy at the booth was like, "Yeah man, I don't need nobody's help, can take care of myself, I got money!"
The Blind guy on the subway platform was like, "Yeah man!"
The Blind guy at the booth yelled back, "Yeah and I got a Big Dick too!"
It was clear the blind guy on the subway platform didn't know how to respond to that. he was like, "well...ok."
Then this other blind guy on the Subway platform was like, "Yeah, you tell 'em brother!"
The Blind guy at the booth was like, "Yeah man, I don't need nobody's help, can take care of myself, I got money!"
The Blind guy on the subway platform was like, "Yeah man!"
The Blind guy at the booth yelled back, "Yeah and I got a Big Dick too!"
It was clear the blind guy on the subway platform didn't know how to respond to that. he was like, "well...ok."
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Around 4 am once, a pack of kids started throwing bagels at me and the other guy in the car. We sat and took it, then switched to another car at the next station.
At 34th St, on the E, we were held up for a little. A crazy man started shouting into the car "this is the bump! make a bump! bump! bump! what do you bump!" As the doors closed he smashed a soda can on the side of the car. A mom turned to her two daughters who stood and stared at him the whole time and said "don't worry girls, he's just being silly, like your auntie."
At 34th St, on the E, we were held up for a little. A crazy man started shouting into the car "this is the bump! make a bump! bump! bump! what do you bump!" As the doors closed he smashed a soda can on the side of the car. A mom turned to her two daughters who stood and stared at him the whole time and said "don't worry girls, he's just being silly, like your auntie."
Once this gal sat down across from me on the N/W @ Union Square- pretty normal looking, wayyy cute- freckles, curly hair, nice dress.
So, we roll out of the station, and she pulls a styrofoam take out tray from her purse. Opening the tray, she produces a full T Bone steak, which she proceeds to totally devour. The entire thing. With her hands. Honestly, she polishes the whole thing off between 14th Street and 59th and Lex- no small feat.
And then, as soon as we break above ground towards Queensboro Plaza, she pitches forward, and pukes the whole thing up.
I mean, I understand that drunk logic of "OHMANIGOTTAEATSOMETHIN", but yikes. And this, amongst 1000 other reasons, is why I will never hit on somebody on the train.
So, we roll out of the station, and she pulls a styrofoam take out tray from her purse. Opening the tray, she produces a full T Bone steak, which she proceeds to totally devour. The entire thing. With her hands. Honestly, she polishes the whole thing off between 14th Street and 59th and Lex- no small feat.
And then, as soon as we break above ground towards Queensboro Plaza, she pitches forward, and pukes the whole thing up.
I mean, I understand that drunk logic of "OHMANIGOTTAEATSOMETHIN", but yikes. And this, amongst 1000 other reasons, is why I will never hit on somebody on the train.
Oh, now I remember the strangest thing I ever saw on the subway.
It was rushhour, the train was packed.
Sitting across the train from me I saw a man, his face was painted green, he had on military fatigues, he had a backpack on, and had various tree branches strewn out of his backpack.
He was white under the makeup, in his mid-30s, looked very, very physically powerful and strong. He was big. I looked him in the eye, he looked directly back at me, a look that screamed he wasn't to be fucked with. His eyes were wild and piercing, almost like the eye of an animal.
I looked at him again. He gave me the same look, again. He was scary. Somehow I knew that he knew exactly how to destroy people physically, if he so chose, but that he chose not to. He looked military to me, and not just because of the fatigues.
Then he got off at the next stop.
I have often wondered: what the hell was that guy doing? Training in Central Park? I can't put it together.
It was rushhour, the train was packed.
Sitting across the train from me I saw a man, his face was painted green, he had on military fatigues, he had a backpack on, and had various tree branches strewn out of his backpack.
He was white under the makeup, in his mid-30s, looked very, very physically powerful and strong. He was big. I looked him in the eye, he looked directly back at me, a look that screamed he wasn't to be fucked with. His eyes were wild and piercing, almost like the eye of an animal.
I looked at him again. He gave me the same look, again. He was scary. Somehow I knew that he knew exactly how to destroy people physically, if he so chose, but that he chose not to. He looked military to me, and not just because of the fatigues.
Then he got off at the next stop.
I have often wondered: what the hell was that guy doing? Training in Central Park? I can't put it together.
I saw a man eating his lunch on the train. Old hispanic man.
He had a styrofoam container of rice, a drink, and a stuffed pepper. As he ate, he would periodically put the stuffed pepper on the floor of the car, eat some rice, take a drink, pick the pepper back up, take a few bites, then place it back on the floor. Repeat until his entire stuffed pepper was eaten.
There was no plate for the stuffed pepper. He just put it on the pee/mud/fuzz/jizz-covered floor, and ate it anyway.
He had a styrofoam container of rice, a drink, and a stuffed pepper. As he ate, he would periodically put the stuffed pepper on the floor of the car, eat some rice, take a drink, pick the pepper back up, take a few bites, then place it back on the floor. Repeat until his entire stuffed pepper was eaten.
There was no plate for the stuffed pepper. He just put it on the pee/mud/fuzz/jizz-covered floor, and ate it anyway.
on my way home from work about 12yrs ago, i saw a very pregnant, homeless woman in the wtc station. she was holding her belly, walking along and clinging to a wall.
i saw her give birth the next morning at the bottom of the escalator in the station. it was bizarre. a group of biz people had formed a "privacy" circle around her while a transit cop helped her deliver.
i saw the head start to come out. and that was enough for me at 7:30am.
i saw her give birth the next morning at the bottom of the escalator in the station. it was bizarre. a group of biz people had formed a "privacy" circle around her while a transit cop helped her deliver.
i saw the head start to come out. and that was enough for me at 7:30am.
Does the bus count?
If so, as a seemingly normal guy was getting off the bus he said to the driver, "Thank you, bus driver."
The bus driver didn't reply, just looked forward. The man repeated, "Thank you, bus driver." No reply.
The man starts walking out of the bus, voice getting louder, "I said thank you, bus driver." The bus driver is staring forward. The man is now screaming, over and over, "I said thank you, bus driver" as he leaves the bus, walks across the street (in front of the bus), and as he's standing on the corner continually turning to face the bus as it drove away. Many people on the crowded street were stopping and staring at the guy.
Many blocks later, when I got off, I said, "Thank you, bus driver." He just subtly nodded his head.
If so, as a seemingly normal guy was getting off the bus he said to the driver, "Thank you, bus driver."
The bus driver didn't reply, just looked forward. The man repeated, "Thank you, bus driver." No reply.
The man starts walking out of the bus, voice getting louder, "I said thank you, bus driver." The bus driver is staring forward. The man is now screaming, over and over, "I said thank you, bus driver" as he leaves the bus, walks across the street (in front of the bus), and as he's standing on the corner continually turning to face the bus as it drove away. Many people on the crowded street were stopping and staring at the guy.
Many blocks later, when I got off, I said, "Thank you, bus driver." He just subtly nodded his head.
this crazy guy at the Bedford Ave stop snapped his fingers at me once while i was walking on the platform..
i apparently was not walking fast enough for him..
as i moved out of his way, i asked him, regarding the finger snapping...
"did you really just do that??" with a chuckle.
he turned around and yelled at me, "YEAH, and if you have a problem with that, you can move back to FUCKING OHIO!!!"
which threw me off, so i corrected him, "but sir(i'm very polite), i'm from Brooklyn."
he just hollered back, "like HELL YOU ARE!" and wandered away.
le sigh.
________
ANGELINA JOLIE NUDE
i apparently was not walking fast enough for him..
as i moved out of his way, i asked him, regarding the finger snapping...
"did you really just do that??" with a chuckle.
he turned around and yelled at me, "YEAH, and if you have a problem with that, you can move back to FUCKING OHIO!!!"
which threw me off, so i corrected him, "but sir(i'm very polite), i'm from Brooklyn."
he just hollered back, "like HELL YOU ARE!" and wandered away.
le sigh.
________
ANGELINA JOLIE NUDE
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Once on my way to work a few years ago I had my bag on the floor, my eyes closed, and my headphones on. A little after Pacific, I started feeling a tap on my elbow. I first thought it was just someone bumping into me, but it kept happening. I opened my eyes to see someone trying to get my attention. She directed my eyes to my bag, which had a stream of liquid 2 inches away from it and closing in. I picked up my bag and looked upstream to see a woman with her sweat pants at her ankles pissing in the middle of the car.
i was on a train car yesternight. it was just me and this man by ourselves. he sat RIGHT next to me (ugh) and started talking to me. i thought "be polite..or safe?" you know, cuz we were the only two on the car and i didn't feel like fightin' no man. then, he says "you want a piece of candy?"
they were halls cough drops. i said no thank you to the rape lozenge.
they were halls cough drops. i said no thank you to the rape lozenge.