The Journal Of The Seikenmanus

[seikenmanus]

well, here i am, not at utahimprov.com anymore, so here i am. i like the idea of having a group of forums set aside for the journals. now i'm not wasting space at that website. weird, huh? so any of my friends want to read this, go ahead. maybe i'll make new friends or something here. i just started doing this because all my other troupe-mates are doing this, and you know how you should give in to peer-pressure. well, hasta.
may your camel give birth in your bed.

 

[seikenmanus]

and so my, second official post here. i tried to do one another time, but i messed something up, and really was in a hurry to get to my next class, so i just said screw it and left. and so i don't know what i typed then.
and one of my major problems of the moment: i recently contacted a friend with some advice i feel i needed to give for a problem, if it truly was a problem, and i really wanted to get some points across, but in the process, i think i was really mean. i know i would have hated myself more for not saying the things i did, because they helped me with a problem. i want to say i'm sorry for being mean. it really wasn't in my place to just start spouting off like that.
and so, as i live the adventure that is my life, i place my life in the hands of my dentist. a simple operation wouldn't worry me, but when my father had his wisdom teeth remove when he was a young man, his heart stopped on the operating table, and he woke up in intensive care. he reacted to the knock out drugs and died. sure he was brought back, but the fact that the one person the most physiologically like me died during an operation that i'll soon undergo is very terrifying for someone afraid of death. i could die unexperianced and i won't even know what the hell is gonna happen in the process of death.
so my biggest problems are down for the world to see, and there is no shame in it.
oh! the great line that i like.
"right now you're just not as important as you want to be."
my band teacher told us that in class, and i believe him. i am going to take this line to heart, and use it to make myself as important as i want to be.
one day, i'm gonna be important to the world, important to an industry, i'm going to be important to someone!
one day, i get a letter from the school that says i'm student of the month, and that i'm a good person that is going to make something of myself and i'm going to go somewhere. it wasn't some standard letter all students of the month get, 'cause i got that too, but this letter was handwritten by teacher. i've never had anybody ever tell me i could do something like that. this is a year that is full of discovery that has pulled more attention to my skills and talents. this time last year, i had never seen an improv show, and i never even thought that i had any kind of talent in improv. i enjoyed drama class, and one day adam rossander came, and the next thing i knew, i was at the class on wed. at otw. i still don't know why i went. everyone else in nar has some kind of acting experiance besides the imporv classes and drama class. i honestly think that i have the least experiance of all of us, and i can kinda see that the others have that great resource to fall back on. i find my mind racing to agree, to yes and the last thing said, and most of the time that's all i add to a scene.
i feel left out sometimes, too, like they'll be talking about something, like i just found out about trolleybrawl, but they were talking about it week ago, and i couldn't think of anything that could even relate to that. i had to stupidly ask "what's trolleybrawl?"
i don't know how i miss out on things, but i just find myself uninformed. maybe i'm ignorant, and i don't get the message, or something like that. sigh, such is the way of life.
seeya

and it's the end of the day, and i feel no more important...

 

[seikenmanus]

this is what you get

in my ever moving quest through life, i have now discovered that british music can be as good as american, and even better in most cases. radiohead has not only given me more to enjoy, but them, combined with the pixies, have got me to start thinking about what i'm listening to. i must know why i am listening to what they deemed worthy to perform. these thing haunt me. and that's all i have to say about that.

improv has been veeeerrrryyyy slow for me lately, as i've been working more. i miss being with the people that were with me constantly. how, then, do i make contact with them in a level completely unrelated with improv, if improv is all that i've communicated to them through? there are several people who have been absent too long from me, and i want them back. i don't care how greedy i sound, because friendship is something that nobody should do without. :tsk:

but even as the dark journeys are approaching, there is a cleansing mist to be found, to make myself whole and better prepared for the future.

it's a pity that money, so valuable in concept, and worthless in reality, is so highly valued, and so easily given for even the most meaningless services. barter and trade is what made this country wholesome, and with its absence, there is also a missing soul that will never be found while our economy depends so much on the almighty-dollar.
the flow of money isn't even handled physically annymore. there are large corperations that will never physically recieve the millions of dollars it recieves each year, month, day, hour. the electronic money flow has made it possible for people to steal your cyer money, even yet, your credit, or as i think about it, your pre-money. money you get to spend before you even get to see it, and to give freely, and then pay even more to use its convenience.pre-money is more expensive to use, because of interest, or people honestly ripping you off. they actually say to your face: "i'm going to give you this much money, but then you have to give me back x (the amount you need) + y(z% of x)" but they make it much more complicated than that. have you noticed the ads that you get with all the shit they send? that is using your space for their advertising. everything that is capable of supporting a message is ad space. i'm not kidding. people get paid to have ads on their cars. the nfl gets shitloads of money for all the ads around the fields. so what makes them think that they can use up our statement space for their ads? they don't charge you less for getting their ads, as would be fair. nor do they even consider that it would be a waste of your time to look over them. the marketing industry is a souless creature who is set out to feed on the young, supple bodies of the other industries. the movie industry is a fucking saint compared to the marketing industry. pure evil is what is happening to this world. and the money to fund its campaign is from you, the american consumer. i hate you. you buy useless things, and you choose to watch reality tv over the news. you've caused the marketers to ruin america.
i hope to be a marketer to influence the world you percieve, and to be on top of the game. to be in complete control is to place and ad in the series finale of the most popular sitcom. that is power in this country. god bless america.

the karma police have been really busy lately.