The d*ck jokes are on their way.

GoldDustWoman · May 13, 2005

Ouch. A multi part haiku.

My head still spins some.
But, my whole body aches bad.
Motherfucking fight.

I was not really
trying to rape you in the
subway, it was just
a character that
I was playing in the scene.
Still, I end up dead.
Well, not really dead,
but not quite conscious either,
reeling in pain.

To be fair, I did
fight you back because if I
wanted to rape you,
I would have done it,
fighting would have made me mad
you would not stop me.

Yes and stage combat.
Really should learn how to do
that without actual pain.

OUCH.
THE END.

GoldDustWoman · May 16, 2005

Arrrgh!

I am so fucking sick of self-promotion I want to cry.

If you want to come see me try to be funny, fine. If you don't, that's fine too. I don't know what the fuck else to do to try to get asses in seats. Stand-ups are the only ones I know who have to go through this nightmare of bringer-show fury to clubs with liquor mark-ups and heavy covers.

And who are their friends? Ironically, if they're taking it seriously enough, either (a) people who've seen them ten times already and are rightfully stretched, tired or annoyed, or (b) broke-ass comics/actors. If they're newbies or dilettantes, they've got tons of people from the firm who'll get a kick out of seeing their colleague up on stage on a Tuesday night downtown. Hooray, how hip!

Arrrrrrgh!
Sigh.
What the eff am I gonna do? Maybe I don't want it bad enough.
What is "it?"
Fuck it all.

GoldDustWoman · May 17, 2005

A few words

From Mamet, "True and False"

The actor does not need faith; and like the religious in the crisis, the actor is both called up on and paid, not to do the thing for which she is perfectly prepared, but to do that or which she is unprepared, unfitted, and which she would much rather avoid. This is called heroism.

...

And you can show the audience some heroism.

...

You are going to bring you unpreparedness, you insecurities, your insufficiency to the stage whatever you do. When you step up on stage, they come with you. Go onstage and act in spite of them. Nothing you do can conceal them. Nor should they be concealed. There is nothing ignoble about honest sweat, you don't have to drench it in cheap scent.

And when you go onstage determined to act, that is, to get what you came for, and not to be denied, you can come offstage at peace.

There is nothing more pointless or more common than the spectacle of the actor coming off, going home head hung, saying to herself and her colleagues, "I was not good tonight, I failed."

Leave it onstage. If your objective is only to do a good performance, the feeling of failiure can only cast you into an anxious fugue state of self-consciousness. If, on the other hand, you come on stage to get something concrete from the other person, a feeling in any one moment of failure can and should and will only energize you to try harder.

...

That dedication is up to you. Everything else is with the gods.

GoldDustWoman · May 18, 2005

And another thing from hangover central...

I don't know if it was Mamet or Mamet paraphrasing but he said that, in sum and substance, if you have something to "fall back on," (i.e., a day job or some such nonsense) you will.

Fine. Let's hope I still have mine. Because busting my ass trying to get this comedy shit done is fucking distracting and driving me to drink.

And what the fuck is wrong with falling back on something? That maybe you're ok at? That people don't sit around and alternately praise you and damn you for doing?

(Alright, maybe that's a bad analogy for an attorney. But you see my point.)

(Maybe I'm just a masochist. But that's a whole other discussion.)

GoldDustWoman · May 18, 2005

Ummm.......here's to fucking wisdom.

From another thread (IRC quoting IRC, yeah. Fuck it. It needed to be done. Thanks, man. Seriously.)

Curjay said:

GoldDustWoman · May 19, 2005

See one, do one, teach one....

You know, maybe I've been doing this longer than I think. Because maybe, just maybe, I'm not completely talking out of my ass when I'm giving someone advice. On how to perform, or be on stage. Or be in front of an audience. Or how to step into a scene with confidence. Or how to shake it off and get out of a rut. Or what their strengths are. And what they need to work on, if they ask me, that is. Or even what the heck the ins and outs of the "pattern game" are.

Sometimes I surprise myself.
It's nice, I've gotta say.

Someone once told me something about "mentoring" after a fashion; that someday, even though I was on the receiving end, someday I'd be on the giving end. I just always suspected it would be in a different profession, first and most.

Keep teaching. Keep learning. Keep sharing. There's always more, always.

GoldDustWoman · May 20, 2005

Reach out and touch someone

I just got interviewed for an Internet thing that may be out in a few weeks.

It made me more nervous than actually performing, I have to admit. I think there may be a skill to being interviewed that I haven't acquired. And I'm such a control freak that "out of context....said too much...haven't said enough...." are running thru my head a million miles an hour.

Did I mention that quite often, I'm a total dork, one-on-one? I'm not as together as you'd think. Har!

And the interviewer was lovely, a complete professional. And it was brief, and I'm sure it's no big deal. And I'm sure the other folks interviewed will be way cooler and their stuff will get play. And I am a total dork.

:nervous:

A fellow comic asked me a few months ago if he could "use me" for a newspaper article he was writing for his hometown press. I said sure, thought I made myself perfectly clear to him.

I didn't see the article until after it came out, and it wasn't so cool. Misquoting my jokes. Referencing myself in a not-so-flattering way. I 'lost' the link. I kinda want to get that article. I didn't give the kid (yeah, a real kid, a college kid) a hard time, though.

Much ado about nothing much.

GoldDustWoman · May 24, 2005

The Accidental Author

Somehow, I've gotten into the habit of writing every night.

Not publicly. I guess the blog thing's shaken me a bit. Although maybe things happen for a reason. All my writing's been localized. Maybe it's a better place for my energy. Although what I haven't been writing is jokes (maybe I should be a bit concerned). And I have reviewed, pushed around stuff for my solo show (finally facing some fears about it). What's funny is that I've been doing what's unfamiliar to me. Writing a short story (granted, it's grounded in the very-familiar, at least character-wise, but it's still becoming a story none the less), and writing a script based on an idea that I tossed around with a friend, for a short film that could be fun. That's a bit harder. And again, I have what may or may not be a problem in that I write too much from life (at least characters, I think, and often dialouges and situations). Someone told me the other day that I have so much imagination. I don't know if I have nearly enough. It's the same reason I had problems in geometry, I think. Couldn't hash out the theorems related to the damn shapes; I'd have to rattle through all the possibilities, just really really fast. I think like a computer; very binary, very AI. It just looks impressive in the end. Man, even my analogies stink. But I fell asleep earlier, and I'm overtired as hell.

Iterations. Iterations of people. That's what I do.

I'm sober, I swear. Just punchy and overtired and coughing like a bitch.

GoldDustWoman · May 24, 2005

Maybe I'm just not that fucking funny.

Maybe.

Fuck.

What the fuck do I really want out of all of this?

What a fucking pain in the ass this all is.

Seriously.

MAYBE I'M JUST NOT THAT FUCKING FUNNY.

Would someone just tell me? Because this is fucking hard.

GoldDustWoman · May 26, 2005

The Finite Pool of Creativity

This theory, apparently, has some legs. I didn't know about it, frankly, but I had an idea about it.

And it's pissing me off.

Try doing something creative in one area, others will suffer.

It's ridonkulously simple, but still, it's pissing me off.

Planning some character-monologues? Writing a story? Trying to design a web page (Yeah, it extends into non-performance areas, I believe.) Working on novel solutions to business problems? Yeah, try and do good stand up. Whither your improv?

Whatever happened to "focus up!" Can't help making myself feel like I suck, somehow, can I? I mean, maybe it's just the nature of things.

And filling the pool with whiskey doesn't make it deeper.

I don't have a good answer to this. I'm just putting it out there.

Fortunately I'm not feeling creative today, so this isn't sucking any energy out of me. Which is also fortunate, cos I haven't any.

Yawn.

Did I mention I'm writing a sketch show with an improv friend? It's going to be unbelievable!

GoldDustWoman · May 27, 2005

And I am mir777.

Who says the British don't have a sense of humour?

GoldDustWoman · May 29, 2005

Quote of the Night (5-28-05, wee hours) On Performer Appreciation

"Musicians don't have to be funny!"

- Rob C., UCBT

GoldDustWoman · May 30, 2005

Trying to recap.

I'm happy. There, I went out on a limb.

I'm struggling to find a balance, but I'm fine with that right now.

I love improv and I love stand up. I'm starting to write.

I'm trying to become more visible and not be a falling tree in a vacant forest.

I'm trying to gain patience.

I had a screaming crying rage-filled twenty minutes or so (maybe it was ten. or five. or thirty.) withe someone I consider a mentor which, I believe, helped both of us immensely.

I'm learning how to take a compliment. Someone should teach a class in this.

I'm learning to ask for advice, and then follow through.

I'm going to send out those headshots.

I'm going to be in the fucking Marathon this year, times two, and yes I'm very happy about that.

I'm going to stop making silly lists in "that blog of mine" and get some fucking sleep.

GoldDustWoman · May 30, 2005

Since I can't sleep...Steve Martin on breakups.

"You Americans are so naive...Like when you break up with a girl, it's a big deal. But where I'm from, we have a very simple and mature way of doing it. You just walk up to the girl and say, I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee, and then you throw dog poop on her shoes. And then my brother and I, we go to the crazy swinging singles bar, and we look for the girls with the dog poop on their shoes."

- You Naive Americans, "A Wild and Crazy Guy"

GoldDustWoman · May 31, 2005

Not as happy.

Just aggravated, right now.

No other place to channel it.

Open-mikers. Fucking open-mikers who think they are the shit.

(BTW, I'm not talking about the early show. That was quite lovely and supportive.)

There's the best of rooms and the worst of rooms. Having both at the same time is enough to give you trichtillomania.

GoldDustWoman · Jun 2, 2005

Things I want to learn

1. How to develop a character and take it on the road
2. How to write characters that aren't me, and aren't copies of everyone else I know
3. How to finish projects I start (note the big pile of needlepoint in my bedside table next to a pile of saxophone music, How to play the Harmonica, and sundry other things. And other bedside-table things. It's a pretty deep bedside table. My great-grandfather made it.)
4. How to put up a website with a simple blog-feed which I am totally convinced is within my genius capabiities.
5. How to ask for help, and take it.

GoldDustWoman · Jun 2, 2005

Quote of the Night (6-1-05) on Writing Characters

"Write (someone) who you are afraid of being, or who you want to be."
- Alana H.

(I like this series of quoting pieces of wisdom from the local comedy community. This could be a whole other journal. But definitely, more to come....)

GoldDustWoman · Jun 2, 2005

The belly of the beast.....

I'm swallowing my nerves and going to a benefit dinner, where in all probability I will see people I haven't seen in five or ten (ten?) years.

From my old social work days.

Stay with me, this is relevant.

I've been, besides otherwise distracted, a bit hamstrung on the show I've been writing precisely about those days.

Maybe it's weirdness. Or guilt. Lots of stuff happening, to people I once cared about. Lots of odd random encounters, lately.

I came to work dressed up, in case I decided not to cancel. Ambivalence city.

Fuck my fear. I'm on my way. In my hot pink dress, a couple of Klonopin under my proverbial belt.

So I'm chalking it up to research. Fuck your fear.

Meet me at Ari's Birthday Party tonight for a full recap and shots all around!

GoldDustWoman · Jun 5, 2005

Quote of the Day 6/4 on the Obvious, it would seem....

"There's a difference between obsessing about your career and actually working on it."

- Frank V.

Computerless, again (well, Webless), I'm going home. I just came to get some shit done.

GoldDustWoman · Jun 8, 2005

Quote of the day 6/8: On wit and inspiration from unexpected sources

M: "I had to throw out the phone...the 9 doesn't work."
G: "Then you should write a play...where you go downstairs, to the pay phone, call all those people*, and tell them Listen Fucko..."

Trust me, at the time, it seemed like genius.

M: "Why weren't you funny then? Wait, you were. I know you were."
G: "Because you're all science, math, art.....and I'm half-assed."

*the nine-numbered ones if that wasn't clear

The d*ck jokes are on their way.

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

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difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it

difficult but worth it