The d*ck jokes are on their way.

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#61
Truth in Comedy and Tragedy

I am currently taking an Improv 600, or 4P, or Ninth Circle or whatever in "improvised tragedy," which involved taking tragic, fucked up, upsetting, awkward circumstances, playing their games, and heightening the shit out of them.

I also write my own stuff for my own self. Jokes, routines, bits, that is, I guess. Stand up. I would like to do more monologues, and am working on a long-neglected show about my former career as a social worker. Talk about truth in tragedy. There's probably a wealth of it in my other careers, too.

There's different approaches, different levels of processing stuff. And believe me, I've been through some harrowing stuff in my time, and have seen some harrowing stuff in my time. Recently, my "stress index" has been superhigh too.

The improv tragedy, the "Black Sunday" stuff, as it were, is pretty intense. Don't want to pull the trigger in your Harold? You're pulling it here. The bodies pile up like mad, and come back to haunt you. It's gutsy, awesome scenework, and takes some mad skills (fortunately my classmates have mad skills....I feel like I'm running to catch up sometimes.) I did manage to get some good cringe on by doing what Billy once called "excellent retard work" with my retarded girlfrieind and my "normal" brother. Oh good times.

I've often talked about a "shit to bit" time ratio, too. It came up in an Armando class, I believe, in an indirect way, where I was emoting a little too raw. In improv, it clouded my judgment and my ability to listen to my scene partner. However, I've found that "getting mad" on stage sometimes before doing stand up gets me out of my head in a rather direct matter, as long as I have my material clear in my mind.

Moreover, "shit to bit" requires fiiltering. In our improv form, the filtering isn't on. It's balls out, kill the baby, shoot the hostages, slit the wrists. In standup, there's a settling in, a honing and polishing, a luxury of time and economy of words. i'd imagine a monologue can be a little more free in the verbiage. Verbiage, ha. I need to transcribe some certifiable rants of some situations that I was in that needed ranting about.

Less emotion, more art. My new motto. Shortening the formula of comedy =tragedy+time. Or as Ari pointed out, tragedy=comedy-time. I think.

To be specific, less living by emotion, more creation of some funny motherfucking shit.

But there is a resting period, kind of like bread dough needs to sit on the couter in order to snap back some and regain its strength. I remember someone once patting me on the hand and saying, "Oh, the divorce set." That's when I retreated back into the safety of courtroom humor. It was, as it were, a little too raw.

But the words need the vulnerability, too.

I think I'm now officially talking out of my ass.

Good night, folks. I'm tiring.

Golden Oldie Dirty Joke: (steal back from Will Zone. Hell, I stole it in the first place)
Whats the difference between oral and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day but anal sex makes your hole weak.

Boo. Not too funny. Sometimes, some shit (no pun) just isn't all that funny, yet.

Not yet. Not right now.

Good night, IRC.
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#62
Lenny Bruce, age 42, heroin overdose.
John Belushi, age 33, heroin/cocaine overdose.
Chris Farley, age 33, drug overdose.
Del Close, age 64, heart failure (recovering, sober)
Bill Hicks, age 33, cancer (recovering, sober)
Sam Kinison, age 38, car accident (recovering, sober)
John Candy, age 43, heart attack
Andy Kaufman, age 35, lung cancer
Gilda Radner, age 42, ovarian cancer
Phil Hartman, age 49, shot by wife
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#63
Is it worth it? "This should be a poll."

I don't know.

I. Don't. Know.

What the hell is worth it anyway? What the fuck is life all about? Why fall in love just to be brutally crushed? Why try just to fail? Why leave the fucking house anyway? Why stop drinking?

HARSH. Improvised tragedy. Because comedy is for jerks and sissies.
You can look it up!

http://www.ucbtheatre.com/schedule/showdetails.php?showid=667

See!

Betcha thought I was gonna say something meaningful, or funny, or something.

Wrong.

Just a fucking plug.

Betcha thought maybe I was gonna open up about something that struck me as funny, or artistic, or beautiful.

Nope.

Just a fucking plug.

Gotcha, suckas.

Y'all have already gotten the best of me.

Come and see the HARSH reality, Tuesdays at 11 PM in April.

Its FREE!

You see, the good thing about being a comic, or acting as one, is that you can turn it all into a bit.

Ha ha, it meant nothing. Was I flirting with you? Nope, just a bit. An elaborate, fucking, messed up bit. But still, a bit.

Oh yeah, I'll be at the TANK on Wednesday at 900, the Lantern at Tuesday and Wednesday at 1030, and Stand Up NY on Monday at 900.

Plugs Away!

Bitty bit bit.

Laugh it off. Shake it off.

The IRC is a great place for plugs. And in the immortal words of a certain improvisor darling I know...."And by plugs I mean....."
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#64
Vulnerability: Multidisciplinary Notes

I've written about this before, and I'm sure I'll do it again.

In classes: (paraphrase)
"You're not playing vulnerable enough."

On phone today: (paraphrase)
"[cry, sob, whimper.....]"

This is not supposed to be a personal journal, but personal things are happening that are undoubtedly affecting me. (Some of you know what my life is like right now, and that's a whole other one-woman show). And rather than let myself be affected, I'm becoming rather unpleasant and unfunny. And the three-day hangover and lapse into cigarettes isn't helping matters, either.

In classes: (paraphrase)
"Your principal motivation appears to be rage."

On phone today: (paraphrase)
Feel stupidly vulnerable. "[Something hard-ass and rude]"

In therapy: (paraphrase, haven't been in weeks)
"You allow yourself to be ruled by your emotions. Don't be."

Last night I did somethings that I never ever ever do:
1. Phoned it in
2. Left show early
Granted, it was a long, irritating, low energy night. Including some douche who decided to shove the mike down his pants. What the fuck's the point of trying? THAT GUY GOT LAUGHS. (not thiat this feeds into my point, but it was just something I wanted to share).

Getting your emotions behind your comedy is a balance that I sometimes hit well and sometimes miss badly.

This is not the time to miss badly.

How do ballplayers get out of a slump, or keep a streak going? You notice these little rituals, these superstitions about changing a hat, not changing socks, etc.....Usually, the streaks happen first. The rituals, later.

Good things and bad things are happening. Slumps and streaks.

Change is happening, that I feel the need to control. And if I can't control it in life, apparently I'm trying to control it in art.

There's a certain disciplinary collision, too. Doing standup calls for one point of view, one posture, commitment; improv, way more flux. Commit, focus, but every scene is different. Can't be that same rager in every scene.

And objects in the mirror may be more distorted than they appear.

Love/hate,
MLD
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#65
I wanna kick ass so bad!

Club callback is now hugely important.

Stand Up NY
78th & Broadway
9 PM
Monday March 28th
$12/2 drinks

Put asses in seats, or think well of me.

"It's amazing how a little success can make your day"
- One of the few men in comedy, hell anywhere, that I respect and trust.

And I told him that today, too. Probably the best thing I've done today.

People don't tell people good things, enough. We're so eager to harp on the negative shit in our bit-ridden lives. The heartaches, the annoyances. We kvetch, about the quality of hosts, teachers, players, whatever....we live in a world of petty jealousy and competitiveness which is the nature of things.

Another improvisor whose talents I respect, and who is personally a great, supportive person, had a recent discussion with me about competition. Along the lines of, no matter what you do, whether it's how many groups you're in, how many people you play with, where you play, etc.....there's always more stuff that you're pissed off about not being involved in. And yes, I agreed completely. I've pushed the limits of my endurance but I want more, more.

My posts lately have been unfocused and weird, I know. And so have I, to some extent. Cutting through the haze of booze and depression and change and confusion is tough work.

***********************

Time to focus up.

But first....do this for me.

Go find someone you look up to, admire, respect as an artist, and tell them that. Whether it's their discipline, their talent, their drive and dedication. Tell someone something great about themselves today, and what that (or they) mean to you.

You will feel great. So will they. (And then a little awkward.....but know that on the other end of the phone, they are fucking floating on air.)

You will someday be that person, mark my words, if you are not already.
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#66
Focu- wha? where? You talking to me?

focusing up....I wouldn't be working so hard just to fail. I realized that I've actually never been so consciously focused and disciplined about anything (although not nearly enough), ever.

In other news, I signed up for that commercial acting class.

And I got to "skirmish" on Saturday at the Project with really awesome people. Not my best improv work. I was, as we say, a little unfocused.

Wish I had other words of wisdom to share. I don't. It's weird being computerless in my "spare" time; I think I lose a lot. All of a sudden I think I'm magically going to work on all those projects I've left dangling.

Out of my 20 emails that i got this morning, about 15 were comedically connected.

And I've got to get my work and taxes together too, too fucking busy to deal with things.

Focusing up means me not (badly) multitasking, I guess. Kind of a new concept to me. And clearing my head of personal and practical clutter, I'd imagine. It's a real clutter-fuck, up there.

Internally and externally.

Focus on being positive, and kicking ass, in a good way, as a very dear friend has pointed out to me recently. (And also I probably need to get off the freaking IRC being silly, that couldn't hurt. How many times do I say that?)

Did I ever mention that I have an addictive personality?

I've got a very cute skirt on today. Seriously.

How unfocused is that?

Back to work! Bye!
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#67
Focu-wha? Redux

So my shrink has this theory that I may have adult ADD.

(There are at least five punchlines to this joke. At least one is a visual. GO!)
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#68
arrrrgh!

I am frustrated...

  • so many shows I don't get to see because of time
  • so many people I'd like to work/play with creatively but can't/don't for whatever reasons
  • so many places I'm not doing shows
  • so much I don't know about things and my own goals
  • so much of my usual unfinished-projectness
  • the fact that I'm supposed to go up tonight and have nothing
  • the fact that I'm still at work and may have to cancel anyway
  • i just am. okay?
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#69
arrrrgh! part deux

And I don't feel particularly funny, or motivated.

I just want to keep this journal alive. Small goals. Not expecting any readers.

I am also dizzy and nauseated. I'll take the ADD.

I am letting people affect me.

I haven't performed in a week.

Rut city!

In other news, Immortal Kombat is a total riot. What a great class!
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#70
Rerun! Or, a "Best of!" Or a Clip Show!

I was mining "Sexual Peak" (my old journal, remember that? Made the men swoon and the ladies giggle?) for something I thought I had written about. I hadn't. Maybe later, it's lateish and I'm at work. But I did come across my list of sexy-funny guys and gals.

Okay, not bad choices. Although many more should be included. I've come to appreciate the lurking sexiness of Jack Black lots more especially since I found out he's been going out with Laura Kighlinger....see the chick list. Daaaaaaym. Call me! And I go through moods and phases like everyone does.

And why the FUCK did I leave Lewis Black and the Belz off the list?? I saw them both at a party at Carolines (oh, namedroppy me)...I chatted with Lewis Black, and I was jawdroppingly starstruck in the presence of Belz. Couldn't go near him. So, swapping out Jon Stewart for Lewis Black and the Blues Brothers for Belzer.

And I'd swap out Chris Rock for Eddie Murphy. He's just magnetic on stage, and adorable in person. Sorry, Eddie.


TOP TEN SEXIEST FUNNY GUYS, PAST AND PRESENT, REVISITED

1. Steve Martin

2. Eugene Levy (EVERYONE I KNOW STILL DISAGREES WITH ME ON THIS ONE!)

3. Chris Rock

4. Colin Quinn (Let's get drunk and do it.)

5. Richard Belzer (Sorry, guys. But Belz was my first true love.)

6. *** YOUR FAVORITE IMPROV TEAM MEMBERS HERE *** (I ain't giving mine away....that's for damn sure!). FYI: THIS HAS CHANGED.

7. Graham Chapman (RIP. Yes, I know...Actually, let's throw in ALL of Monty Python for good measure. Intelligent humor + Physical comedy + Men who aren't afraid of cross-dressing = Sexy Sexy Sexy)

8. Lenny Bruce (RIP)

9. Lewis Black

10. Dean Martin (RIP. The drunk thing was a big put-on. Consummate entertainer. Not strictly a comic by any stretch, but a funny guy. And Boy, could he sing!)


Okay...for the ladies. Janeane, Janeane....I want to love you so bad, but you get on my fucking nerves. And the bleached blond thing ain't doing it for me. I'm gonna have to go with Sandra Bernhard, herpes or no. Damn. I'm sure she could teach me a thing or two about life.


TOP FIVE SEXY FUNNY LADIES, PAST AND PRESENT

1. Sandra Bernhard, comedy hero, between outbreaks.

2. *** YOUR FAVORITE IMPROV TEAM MEMBERS HERE *** (hmmm!)

3. Laura Kightlinger (Still totally hot. Call me!)

4. Catherine O'Hara (Gorgeous and hilarious!)

5. Madeline Kahn. (RIP) (See Young Frankenstein!)

Lazy me. I have a brilliant little piece on Eddie Murphy: Comedian. But I feel I can type no more.

Later, yo.
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#71
What makes me happy lately

1. Giving other people great comedy. (Whaddaya mean Bill Who?? Here...)
2. Doing comedy in a leather jacket.
3. Turning my life into a bit....but under the guidelines of the Shit to Bit Ratio. It's funny because it's truish!
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#72
Which made me think of

Another story from the Annals of Retard...(With apologies to the folks I've given great comedy to lately...)

I remember trying to motivate people to clean the fucking apartments. Hell, it's hard enough to motivate myself to clean my fucking apartment. And here I was, twenty-three and charged with getting these slobs to keep up their housekeeping. "Activities of Daily Living." My secret favorite "Frankie" (of "Tittie Day" fame) was a hyperactive and messy maniac, more often under my charge than not.

I don't know how it happened, but I managed to have a tape of my Eddie Murphy "Comedian" album with me. Every apartment had a small bookshelf stereo, usually blaring rap or salsa music which I learned to love. But I decided, somehow, to pop in this tape as a break.

Bingo.

Frankie had a field day with this album. Through his buck-toothed, Spanglish-accented, slightly-impaired retard speak, he was fucking ecstatic. And, as it turns out, a brilliant mimic. Couldn't "remember" to wash his clothes or his sorry ass, but damn if he couldn't do "Cookout," with proper inflections, hitting the high points and punches, from beginning to end. Damned if he couldn't bark out Eddie doing Desi doing Ricky asking Fred to fuck him up the ass.

Unbelievable. He wasn't just parroting, you know.

He got it. Fucking got it, I swear to God.

We mopped and swept and high-fived and laughed...."It's My house Gus....and if you don't like it, you can get the fuck out!"

Good times.
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#73
I am sick. I am stressed. I am miserable. I am overcommited.

I am thinking of de-commiting to a showcase I was asked to do.

To me this is anathema. But I am thinking in part of my pointy little head "What's the fucking rush?"

I don't fucking know what to do. The last one was clusterfucky and not worth the time and energy I put into it, although I did an okay job. I want it bad. I can do the work. It's the getting people there, the self-promotion, that makes me fucking tired.

And I'm tired. I keep getting weird-sick. Sore throats. Nasty infections. My entire body aches right now and I'd murder for some real goddamn aspirin or Excedrin which I'm not allowed to take. I wonder if my unfinished root canal is the source of evils as well.

Incidentally, I have too many unused drugs in the house. Amoxicillin, Cipro, Tylenol 3, Vicodin, Xanax, Strattera..all kinds of goodies. Or not goodies. Depends. Dentists are awesome overprescribers.

Somebody shoot me. Seriously. I feel like I have a fever but it's only 98.8, although my normal body temperature is about 97. No joke. I am a Cold Hearted Bitch. (I'll give you the docket number, you can look it up. Oops, wrong journal!)

I mentioned the S/B ratio....I came from my lawyers office on Friday and tried to write a sketch/monologue about it that night. I ended up getting a flask of Jack, a cheeseburger, and an anxiety attack instead. Gotta stick with it! Saw some funny shit, though.

You people are talented! :love:

I am still writing this bit. Somehow, I keep coming out of it with a Latina accent.

And my apologies to my classmates in immortal kombat on Saturday.

Off to bed.
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#74
Wouldn't it have been funny....(I'm on the phone with the bastard...)

if I'd actually used the word "Monkeydick" in my divorce papers?

I would love to have had the word "Monkeydick" read into the record during any formal reading or discussion of the grounds for my divorce.

We open on a courtroom, 60 Centre Street, downtown Manhattan, 10:13 AM.

"Could you spell that, please, Counselor?"
"M-O-N-K-E-Y-D-I-C-K."
(low snickers)
"Order! Counselor, what exactly is a Monkeydick?"
"Your honor, according to my client, it's an improvisational comedy group that performs at-"
"And how is this relevant, Counselor?"
"Well, while attending a performance with the Defendant in the summer of 2003, Defendant became extremely agitated and publicly humiliated my client in front of her peers by cursing and yelling and acting in an abusive manner towards her in front of said theater where my client, and the abovementioned improvisation group, often performs."
"And which group would that be, Counselor?"
"Monkeydick, your honor."
"Is your client a member of this Monkeydick, Counselor?"
"No, Your Honor, she is not. But she does enjoy their work immensely, despite the actions of the Defendant. And, she is a talented performer in her own right. Allow me to hand to the court Exhibit A, my client's headshot and resume."

And scene.
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#75
My god am I wasted. I should not be posting now.

Hello, all.

What is comedy?

Fuck all. I'll tell ya.

Comedy is, at times, well-crafted rants with rhythm that make people laugh.

Comics may or may not be people.

Anyone who says that "George Carlin needs to be edited" is not a comic. He is a person who needs to be nut-punched.

Anyone who says that he has a more depressing Steve Earle mix than you do deserves to be fallen in love with.

So does anyone who tells you a story about Billy Idol and allows you to share it as if its your own to retell on their behalf. Especially if it's the same person.

Any comic who solves a Rubics Cube during his set is pure joy. Any comic who invokes differential equations, likewise. This is a highly personal matter to me.

Some comics are better off sticking to dancing.

Chicks are funny. Fuck you.

Men can't dance, generally. This is comic gold. Gold!

My song picks are awesome: Pink Houses, Georgia On my Mind, Mercedes Benz, Copperhead Road, One Bourbon One Scotch One Beer.

Bartenders who remember you after a two months' absense AND who know all the words to Mercedes Benz: Priceless. Tip them for no reason.

My Southern accent is not without hope.

Fuck, it's late.

I can do and say some weird shit come last call. What's up with that?

Fuck.

is this a well-crafted rant?

Did you laugh?

Screwed, I am.
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#76
On Copyright Infringement and Parody

SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES

Syllabus
CAMPBELL, aka SKYYWALKER, et al. v. ACUFF ROSE MUSIC, INC.
certiorari to the united states court of appeals for the sixth circuit

No. 92-1292. Argued November 9, 1993 -- Decided March 7, 1994


Respondent Acuff Rose Music, Inc., filed suit against petitioners, the members of the rap music group 2 Live Crew and their record company, claiming that 2 Live Crew's song, "Pretty Woman," infringed Acuff Rose's copyright in Roy Orbison's rock ballad, "Oh Pretty Woman." The District Court granted summary judgment for 2 Live Crew, holding that its song was a parody that made fair use of the original song. See Copyright Act of 1976, 17 U.S.C. § 107. The Court of Appeals reversed and remanded, holding that the commercial nature of the parody rendered it presumptively unfair under the first of four factors relevant under §107; that, by taking the "heart" of the original and making it the "heart" of a new work, 2 Live Crew had, qualitatively, taken too much under the third §107 factor; and that market harm for purposes of the fourth §107 factor had been established by a presumption attaching to commercial uses.

Held: 2 Live Crew's commercial parody may be a fair use within the meaning of §107. Pp. 4-25.

(a) Section 107, which provides that "the fair use of a copyrighted work . . . for purposes such as criticism [or] comment . . . is not an infringement . . . ," continues the common law tradition of fair use adjudication and requires case by case analysis rather than bright line rules. The statutory examples of permissible uses provide only general guidance. The four statutory factors are to be explored and weighed together in light of copyright's purpose of promoting science and the arts. Pp. 4-8.

(b) Parody, like other comment and criticism, may claim fair use. Under the first of the four §107 factors, "the purpose andcharacter of the use, including whether such use is of a commercial nature . . . ," the enquiry focuses on whether the new work merely supersedes the objects of the original creation, or whether and to what extent it is "transformative," altering the original with new expression, meaning, or message. The more transformative the new work, the less will be the significance of other factors, like commercialism, that may weigh against a finding of fair use. The heart of any parodist's claim to quote from existing material is the use of some elements of a prior author's composition to create a new one that, at least in part, comments on that author's work. But that tells courts little about where to draw the line. Thus, like other uses, parody has to work its way through the relevant factors. Pp. 8-12.

(c) The Court of Appeals properly assumed that 2 Live Crew's song contains parody commenting on and criticizing the original work, but erred in giving virtually dispositive weight to the commercial nature of that parody by way of a presumption, ostensibly culled from Sony Corp. of America v. Universal City Studios, Inc., 464 U.S. 417, 451, that "every commercial use of copyrighted material is presumptively . . . unfair . . . ." The statute makes clear that a work's commercial nature is only one element of the first factor enquiry into its purpose and character, and Sony itself called for no hard evidentiary presumption. The Court of Appeals's rule runs counter to Sony and to the long common law tradition of fair use adjudication. Pp. 12-16.

(d) The second §107 factor, "the nature of the copyrighted work," is not much help in resolving this and other parody cases, since parodies almost invariably copy publicly known, expressive works, like the Orbison song here. Pp. 16-17.

(e) The Court of Appeals erred in holding that, as a matter of law, 2 Live Crew copied excessively from the Orbison original under the third §107 factor, which asks whether "the amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole" are reasonable in relation to the copying's purpose. Even if 2 Live Crew's copying of the original's first line of lyrics and characteristic opening bass riff may be said to go to the original's "heart," that heart is what most readily conjures up the song for parody, and it is the heart at which parody takes aim. Moreover, 2 Live Crew thereafter departed markedly from the Orbison lyrics and produced otherwise distinctive music. As to the lyrics, the copying was not excessive in relation to the song's parodic purpose. As to the music, this Court expresses no opinion whether repetition of the bass riff is excessive copying, but remands to permit evaluation of the amount taken, in light of thesong's parodic purpose and character, its transformative elements, and considerations of the potential for market substitution. Pp. 17-20.

(f) The Court of Appeals erred in resolving the fourth §107 factor, "the effect of the use upon the potential market for or value of the copyrighted work," by presuming, in reliance on Sony, supra, at 451, the likelihood of significant market harm based on 2 Live Crew's use for commercial gain. No "presumption" or inference of market harm that might find support in Sony is applicable to a case involving something beyond mere duplication for commercial purposes. The cognizable harm is market substitution, not any harm from criticism. As to parody pure and simple, it is unlikely that the work will act as a substitute for the original, since the two works usually serve different market functions. The fourth factor requires courts also to consider the potential market for derivative works. See, e. g., Harper & Row, supra, at 568. If the later work has cognizable substitution effects in protectable markets for derivative works, the law will look beyond the criticism to the work's other elements. 2 Live Crew's song comprises not only parody but also rap music. The absence of evidence or affidavits addressing the effect of 2 Live Crew's song on the derivative market for a nonparody, rap version of "Oh, Pretty Woman" disentitled 2 Live Crew, as the proponent of the affirmative defense of fair use, to summary judgment. Pp. 20-25.

972 F. 2d 1429, reversed and remanded.

Souter, J., delivered the opinion for a unanimous Court. Kennedy, J., filed a concurring opinion.
Campbell v.Acuff-Rose Music, 510 US 569 (1994)
http://supct.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/92-1292.ZS.html
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#77
stop flappin yer gums

Then maybe your sore jaw would heal!

I've gotta get/stay healthy. Or get closer to it. I'd love to be out watching comedy tonight, or hanging with the awesome comedy folk, but sometimes I've gotta pull the car in the driveway and batten down the hatches and (insert your own clunky analogy here).

So, while I'm under the covers, or taking out the trash, or sorting the dirty laundry, here's some stuff I'm working on, the beginning of some premises needing punchlines - By the way, although there's no performance copyright here in this country, I see you workin' my shit, a flaming 151 may accidentally come yer way. And, there is a copyright on the written word. Love ya! Feel free to drop me a punchline anytime!

- So, why don't friends with benefits come with medical AND dental?
- We're starting with the presumption that men can't dance.
- As soon as my father quit drinking, I started, lending me the belief that a family's BAC is a constant.

Works in progress. Gimme a break. I've got socks to sort and software to load.
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#79
Duck, duck, duck....duck it all!

From: Sam
To: Michelle
Date: Apr 20, 2005 1:42 AM
Subject: re your latest journal entry

As I said, there are NO funny Duck jokes...

From: Michelle
To: Sam
Date: Apr 20, 2005 7:37 AM
Subject: Re: re your latest journal entry

Duck you!

From: Sam
To: Michelle
Date: Apr 20, 2005 11:28 PM
Subject: Re: re your latest journal entry

Don't be fowl. I would have to beak-ompletely retarded to think that is
amusing. Feather you think it is funny or not is a different story.

From: Michelle
To: Sam
Date: Apr 20, 2005 11:54 PM
Subject: Re: re your latest journal entry

You criticize my jokes without thinking; you are merely winging it.
Hen-ceforth you will tweet my attempts at humour with more respect.
You turkey!

From: Sam
To: Michelle
Date: Apr 21, 2005 2:43 AM
Subject: Re: re your latest journal entry

Mallardy,

I am still wading for an amusing duck joke. Eggs-axctly when do you think
I shall get one?

I am going stark raven mad at this abs-bird attempt at humour. Your
crow-ing is Eider misguided or completely Cuckoo.

You should be ostritch-ized from the comedy community for parrot-ing off
these lame puns. I mean, Falcon Hell, they are awful.

I will not budgie from my stand point, I con-seed that you are trying, but
Albert Ross tells better bird jokes than you.

These jokes are robin me up the wrong way and should be made il-eagle.

You are huffing and puffin but I cannot swallow anymore. You may think you are out s-martyn me, but you are just making a tit of yourself.

Every joke makes me wince and finch, You may emu-se your self, but I quail to see the funny side.

From heron-in I will chick my email more carefully and if I see it is from
Mi-shell I will not respond.

From: Michelle
To: Sam
Date: Apr 21, 2005 6:23 AM
Subject: Re: re your latest journal entry

My starling,

Clearly, it is apparrot that you have won this battle of bills. Mi-grate attempts at comedy shall be no more, for they are mere chicken-scratch.

I r-egret to inform you this will be my swan song.

- Just another sad bird
 

GoldDustWoman

difficult but worth it
#80
Not a plug...I'm just a bit stunned

As I was composing this email to a sick friend (who was inquiring about my current bronchial woes), I was stunned about what I'd gotten myself into this week.

Monday: Stand Up NY showcase (to make up for last months' clusterfuck) @ 9 PM. (Call for reservations!)
Tuesday: Harsh @ 11
Wednesday: Juvie Hall (standup) @ 8 PM, and probably (unless i take the night off) the Village Lantern @ 1030
Thursday: Immortal Combat @ 630 (UCB) AND Character Dog Run @ 930 (Juvie Hall)
Friday: Not performing in a goddamn thing.

I'm free (almost) all of May so far (pending HARSH and the Laugh Lounge showcase), if someone wants to scrape me off the pavement next weekend. After my women's improv workshop.
 
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