khaki
so this entry is about khaki. before i begin, yes its her real name. its not a nickname i made up. its the real, full name her parents gave her. theres a cute little story behind it, but i wont get into that.
khaki used to be one of my best friends. there was josh, there was alicia, and there was khaki. now it sounds weird talking about how good of friends we were. i just now realized that khaki has little to no confidence in herself, and is desperate for both attention and to be liked. thinking about it, its really sad. the problem with khaki is, shes pretty nondescript. or she would be, if she hadnt learned to fake her personality so she isnt. she consistently complains of a sore throat, which may or may not have something to do with the fact that SHE SHOUTS EVERYTHING SHE SAYS! her whisper is the volume of my regular speaking voice. she inserts random trivia into conversation, to make sure EVERYONE knows how smart she is. (personally, i think you can know a lot of random trivia and be dumb as a stump. or you can not know much random trivia at all, and still be extremely intelligent). she is short (about 5'4") so she wears extremely tall shoes ALWAYS. even in the summer. now, i wouldnt have a problem with this, but im 5'8" myself, and she deliberately finds shoes to make her taller than me. and points it out to EVERYONE. hey look everyone! im taller than katy today! im not much taller than average, but i have short friends. and i dont like it to be pointed out how much taller i am than them. its something im insecure about. but they all insist on pointing it out (the worst is when i wear heels. ooooooh man. and i never go above 2" heels). khaki has a particularly irritating personality. or maybe shes FAKING having an irritating personality i dont know. but she doesnt care when shes annoying people. i mean, i dont care if someone thinks im uncool, but i dont want them to be annoyed with me. especially not my friends.
i dont want to toot my own horn or anything (beep beep), but usually i can command attention pretty easily. without having to raise my voice. and i dont have a particularly loud voice either. and i am pretty smart and generally understand everything that is said to me (particularly in french, a class we share) and i think that drives khaki INSANE. she feels the need to show me up. she ENCOURAGES her little brothers to hit me and play me in sports to show how much i suck. they have hit me before, but quickly learned that i hit back. i dont really care that they arent my brothers.
the worst thing about khaki (i feel bad i am just trashing her but this is my journal) is the way she handles fights with me. she knows that i generally dont tell people when im having issues, especially issues with other people. so she runs and tells ALL of our mutual friends. obviously, our friends either dont care and dont get involved, or they immediately take her side. who am i left with? thats right no one. and i end up forgiving khaki just to get my friends back. and i do it when im not really ready to forgive her. but khaki has this great act that she puts on. she gets eye drops, forces herself to cry (in a public place with lots of people) and goes "ALLL I DOOO IS LOOOOOOVE HEEER! ISSSS THAAAAT SOOOOO WROOOOONGGGG?" or something to that effect. its so pathetic. and she makes sure im around. the one time she pulled this act that i wasnt there was because she thought id walk in and hear any second. unfortunately id been in a car accident and was slightly delayed.
over the summer, khaki started treating me like shit. every word i said was stupid and silly. and shed insult me for it. every word she said to me was an insult. and she stopped hanging out with me. one nite she was invited to spend the nite at another friends, and she readily agreed, not knowing i was there already. so she made an effort to exclude me from the entire evening. i ended up going to bed at 10. i woke up at 7, they woke up at 8, saw i was awake, and left me upstairs while they went downstairs and ate. then they COMPLAINED i was holding them up from cleaning the kitchen when i came down for breakfast. khaki feels the need to exclude me for some reason. oh yeah. cuz if im getting attention, shes not. i called her on it, she got pissed. and dragged all our friends into it. i spent the whole time without friends or any sympathy for anyone. because SHE treated ME like i was the scum of the earth.
i guess that i just get annoyed with khaki so easily is that she tries to convince me that we are best friends and that she loves me. but i know its total bullshit. if i didnt know she was lying, i wouldnt upset by it at all. treat me like crap if you want, but dont tell me im youre best friend.
(if youre wondering, im not mad right now. im totally calm, just writing. this isnt some hate driven diary entry. its jsut thoughts.)
