The Andy Rocco

[Jeez...man]

The Andy Rocco: Love, Life, and Kinkos

Then I said it "Thank, god for comedy"
My director and friend, Curtis turned to me.
"It makes me forget that everyhthing else, in my life that is going wrong" I said. He laughed, said "Of, course!"
Later, I told was telling him about work (At Kinko's).
"That's funny, you should write..."

(REAL TIME: RIGHT NOW Tuesday, 8:32)
A real loud alram is going off. My assiant manager Bart is testing the alram. He walks by and says "Sorry, Andrew. I got to test it." He then walks away pluging his ears with his hands. This alram is fucking loud. It sounds 8,000 loud birds on acid having sex really fast. It stopped and my ears hurt and now I'm in foul mood.
"Sorry, Andrew I got to test it"
Fuck you. You didn't have to test! My father had alram on his bussiness for years, and I never heard of him testing it!
I'm at work, but I'm not punched in yet. I can't punch in until 9am, so I can sit at one of the self serve computers, and fool around.
15 minutes until work, Christ! Kinko's has alredy invaded my personal time. Time where I was going start an journal, of my thoughts and feelings, but fucking Kinko's invades on it!

Time skip

(REAL TIME: Work over.)
Now, where was I...
I was thinking of what to call this thing. I realize that the title I left on just says "The Andy Rocco" Maybe, I should just call it that.

Hmmm...

 

[Jeez...man]

okay...where was I.....

Got off work. Got to make temp flyer for show. Naturally, whenever there is something, you got to get sidetracked.

Little IM with Zach Woods, fellow improvisor and friend.

GOGGLEMEN: Zach!
GOGGLEMEN: Back in Zach!
Zwoods55: Hey Rocco
GOGGLEMEN: I gonna get Zach in Time!
GOGGLEMEN: I see red door and I want to paint it Zach!
GOGGLEMEN: hey, how are you. funny show.
Zwoods55: What is my favorite vegetable? Roccolli
Zwoods55: thanks man
GOGGLEMEN: Their making a new 20 dollar bill?
GOGGLEMEN: jesus!
GOGGLEMEN: it's seems like we're forever fucking with our money.
Zwoods55: the treasurey is full of restless nerds
GOGGLEMEN: yeah! Ha!
Zwoods55: Our money looks so lame
Zwoods55: big silly foreheads on our cartoon presidents
Zwoods55: goofy watermarks
GOGGLEMEN: and redesign the nickel too. and bringing back the two dollar bill
GOGGLEMEN: Our money does look lame.
Zwoods55: you are joking?
Zwoods55: about the nickle and two dollar bill?
GOGGLEMEN: http://money.cnn.com/2003/04/24/news/economy/nickel/index.htm
Zwoods55: Christ!
Zwoods55: our country is falling apart
GOGGLEMEN: I hate nickels, I blindly go into my pocket I mistake them for quarters.
Zwoods55: yeah, they are endless sources of small dissapointment
GOGGLEMEN: Hey, this is funny, I'm going to post this on my journal.
Zwoods55: The Andy Rocco?
GOGGLEMEN: Yeah.
Zwoods55: Cool jazz!
Zwoods55: I will be a celebrity
GOGGLEMEN: You already are.
GOGGLEMEN: I was debating what should be in the journal and what shouldn't
Zwoods55: what are you thinking about putting in and not putting in?
GOGGLEMEN: Women stuff, and performances
Zwoods55: that will make a great journal for the reader and a tough journal for the author
GOGGLEMEN: I don't want seem like a blow hard or worse yet not fuckable.
Zwoods55: yeah. I don't think it would have either of those results
GOGGLEMEN: I dunno.
GOGGLEMEN: Last night my name was the suggestion
Zwoods55: haha. You are an institution!
GOGGLEMEN: I thought that was werid. Filth's show was still very funny, but I feel it's werid to get Andy Rocco as a suggestion.
Zwoods55: Its a weird suggestion but there are tons of weird suggestions. I wouldnt worry about it
Zwoods55: did it make you feel good to hear your name as the suggestion?
GOGGLEMEN: Terry Jinn was a suggestion one time
Zwoods55: so you are in noble company
GOGGLEMEN: I felt good, but still....
Zwoods55: were you the one who gave the suggestion Rocco? Did you holler your own name at the top of your lungs when they asked for a word?
GOGGLEMEN: Should have been "finger nails" or "toys"
GOGGLEMEN: No, it wasn't me! I think it was lady.
Zwoods55: Then love it!
GOGGLEMEN: I guess.
Zwoods55: A lady screamed your name as the inspiration for a half-hour of improvisation
GOGGLEMEN: Hmmmm...
Zwoods55: Just enjoy your notoriety A. Rocco
GOGGLEMEN: Don't you have go to night school for that? Notoriety?
Zwoods55: yeah. You have to own official stamps.
Zwoods55: also
GOGGLEMEN: HA!
GOGGLEMEN: HA!
Zwoods55: see you at the meeting?
GOGGLEMEN: Yeah, see ya!

Another IM with Dave Mckeel Friend/Improvisor (Memeber of Filth)

dmak3029: yes, that was a weird suggestion to play
dmak3029: i hope you weren't offended by anything
GOGGLEMEN: No at all.
dmak3029: ok good
GOGGLEMEN: I just felt bad about you getting a werid suggestion, but you guys did great!
dmak3029: yeah, not sure how your name led us to huge penises and balls
GOGGLEMEN: that's fine
GOGGLEMEN: I think the Filth was being nice, and decided to give me giant balls and dick.
dmak3029: i'm going to use what you just said for our press releases
press releases
GOGGLEMEN: Ha!

 

[Jeez...man]

No time, for a entry

No time for entry. Sorry.
Wait this is a entry! I'm stuck in paradox!

-Rocco-

 

[Jeez...man]

Lazy man Entry.

I have been alright. HAPPY LIFE went awesome Saturday. Then I went and saw Kill Bill which I thought was awesome. So I feel good

Crazy IM with Terry Jinn. midway through...


GOGGLEMEN: They kept talking during the movie, but luckily they got bored and left.
TerrySeal: andy rocco's annoyed life
GOGGLEMEN: ACK!!!!!!!!
GOGGLEMEN: I just realized something.
TerrySeal: what
GOGGLEMEN: Andy Rocco's Happy Life.(My sketch show Saturdays. 7:30pm)
is very vaguely simlar to
Rocko's Modern Life.
TerrySeal: hmm...yeah
GOGGLEMEN: I hate converstaions with people about that?
"Rocco? Like Rocko's Modern Life?"
"Your Rocco? Is your life modern?"
TerrySeal: andrew rocco
GOGGLEMEN: Sorry to complain to you Terry
TerrySeal: i am sorry you have to complain
GOGGLEMEN: I prefer Andy.
TerrySeal: what is your middle name?
GOGGLEMEN: Stephen
TerrySeal: A. Stephen Rocco
GOGGLEMEN: For while I thought my was Steven.
TerrySeal: that's...weird
GOGGLEMEN: and filled out so, on many forms.
GOGGLEMEN: my diploma says Steven
TerrySeal: wha?
GOGGLEMEN: My high school diploma says Andrew Steven Rocco
TerrySeal: you mean, you have been misspelling your middle name
GOGGLEMEN: Yup.
GOGGLEMEN: I'm not too bright.
TerrySeal: interesting
GOGGLEMEN: by the way, can I post this?
TerrySeal: at what point will the post start?
GOGGLEMEN: just the middle name thing.
GOGGLEMEN: I will edit it.
TerrySeal: hmm...it's not the best conversation we have had
TerrySeal: we've had some ones for the record books
GOGGLEMEN: Well, just the middle name is funny.
TerrySeal: you should start at my "andrew rocco" post
TerrySeal: or IM, rather
GOGGLEMEN: What about all this stuff about, what's going to posted?
TerrySeal: You mean these IMs about what IM's we just wrote should be posted?
GOGGLEMEN: yeah.
TerrySeal: Sure...why not
GOGGLEMEN: I got heart burn.
TerrySeal: it's somewhat amusing, in a self-referrential and self-indulgent way, to post the IM's about what IM's you will post
TerrySeal: for real, you have heartburn?
GOGGLEMEN: You hear the one about the Canabil who ate his Ex too fast?
GOGGLEMEN: he got heartburn!
GOGGLEMEN: I just thought of that joke! (pretty lame)
TerrySeal: I'm not sure it quite makes sense...but there is a germ of joke in there.
TerrySeal: You have a potential cannibal joke writing career
GOGGLEMEN: really?
TerrySeal: Maybe. I'm really no judge.
GOGGLEMEN: You are a Judge!
TerrySeal: I am a federal circuit court of appeals judge, yes...so yes, technically I am a judge
TerrySeal: but not a judge of cannibal jokes
GOGGLEMEN: I understand, your Honor.
TerrySeal: i have no jurisdiction over those particular jokes
GOGGLEMEN: I just wanted an opinon.
TerrySeal: which i did give you
TerrySeal: but take it with a grain or several grains...of salt
GOGGLEMEN: Oh, yes. You did.
GOGGLEMEN: Anyway, about my Client...
TerrySeal: for now, Andrew Stephen Rocco, I must adjourn to my sleeping chambers!
TerrySeal: HA HA HA HA OINK!
GOGGLEMEN: Oink?
TerrySeal: sorry
GOGGLEMEN: did you mean Honk?
TerrySeal: most definitely not
GOGGLEMEN: Are you sure?
TerrySeal: I am positive.
GOGGLEMEN: okay...
TerrySeal: good evening mr. rocco
GOGGLEMEN: good night, Judge Jinn
TerrySeal: BOOM!

 

[Jeez...man]

Sexy Ice Box!

Old IM me to Will Hines,(friend/Monekydicker) I thought was amusing
Yes, this journal is turning into a IM journal.

GOGGLEMEN: hey Will, how are you?
WillieBHines: good!
WillieBHines: i have the pix in my bag
GOGGLEMEN: Good.
GOGGLEMEN: cool. you got the email pic? right?
WillieBHines: yes
GOGGLEMEN: Just realize I'm probably won't be at the party until very late.
WillieBHines: you're a dick.
WillieBHines: want me to leave them there if i leave?
GOGGLEMEN: Sure. leave 'em
WillieBHines: ok, i will.
GOGGLEMEN: 0k, I andy
WillieBHines: do you still masturbate to pictures of refrigerators?
GOGGLEMEN: on occassian
WillieBHines: that's cool.
GOGGLEMEN: why do you got some?
WillieBHines: yep
GOGGLEMEN: send it my way!
WillieBHines: i got pix of those kind with the compartment that makes ice and pours water
WillieBHines: i don't have it scanned yet
GOGGLEMEN: hot!
GOGGLEMEN: is it a Whirpool?
WillieBHines: you know it
GOGGLEMEN: sweet.
WillieBHines: i jerked off on it a little, but i'll clean it up
GOGGLEMEN: Remeber, when your little. When you first realize that your refrig is sexy.
WillieBHines: yep
WillieBHines: i was embarrassed
WillieBHines: i used to pull my shirt over my head when i would see people open their refrigerators on tv.
GOGGLEMEN: Actually, I was at my friend's house and he had one those big refrigerators with stainless steel doors
WillieBHines: i hate people like you
WillieBHines: you lucky dick
GOGGLEMEN: and I was like. Wow this is turning me on!
GOGGLEMEN: You know what I think is gross, there's alot rape refrigerator pictures on the internet. What sickos go in for that?
WillieBHines: yeah, i dont' like those
WillieBHines: got to go
GOGGLEMEN: alright.
Auto response from WillieBHines: I am away from my computer right now.
GOGGLEMEN: HA!

 

[Jeez...man]

IM about IM JUMP OFFs

Old IM with Mr. Pinkus (Names were changed.)


Mr.PINKUS: yes sir
Gogglemen: how are you?
Mr.PINKUS: awesome.
Gogglemen: Me too.
Gogglemen: what's going on?
Gogglemen: Go see Kill Bill.
Mr.PINKUS: oh i saw it
Mr.PINKUS: how awesome was that
Gogglemen: Very awesome
Mr.PINKUS: i agree.
Mr.PINKUS: i want to go out and start riding a motorcycle and kick ass with swords
Gogglemen: Learn japense,
Mr.PINKUS: yeah
Mr.PINKUS: and just slice heads off and stuff if people annoy me
Mr.PINKUS: oh, i already do that
Gogglemen: Yeah, kung fu movies do that to people.
Mr.PINKUS: i should watch a lot more kung fu to keep my ass-kicking mood up.
Gogglemen: after a kung fu, people get fired up. They feel like they can kick ass..
Mr.PINKUS: but do they?
Mr.PINKUS: i will.
Mr.PINKUS: i plan on it at least.
Gogglemen: I feel the same way about godzilla. I ate an entire buliding after I see a godzilla movie.
Mr.PINKUS: with blair witch, i spent 7 years in an abandoned house in the woods, just killing kids. it was great, but it wore off after a while.
Gogglemen: Now your my buddy list.
Mr.PINKUS: sweet! I've earned it. that's the best way.
Gogglemen: Now it will easier to avoid you.
Gogglemen: just kidding
Mr.PINKUS: yeah, you can always know when i'm around. much easier for stalking/avoiding stalking.
Gogglemen: You ever notice people who will jump online and the off.
Mr.PINKUS: i wonder about them
Mr.PINKUS: i wonder if it's me
Gogglemen: I always have a feeling the jump off, because of me.
Mr.PINKUS: no, we probably have a lot of the same people in common.
Mr.PINKUS: it's me
Gogglemen: We'll see.
Mr.PINKUS: we should do an experiment
Mr.PINKUS: alternate days online and just count the number of jump offs
Mr.PINKUS: keep it scientific
Gogglemen: hmmm....
Mr.PINKUS: i think it could be helpful
Gogglemen: That's little werid.
Mr.PINKUS: whoever has fewer, we could just both use that im name.
Mr.PINKUS: we've got to DO THIS.
Gogglemen: What if I post this IM?
Mr.PINKUS: THIS IS AN EXPERIMENT. THIS IS SCIENCE.
Gogglemen: People I will know your counting them.
Mr.PINKUS: IT WOULD RUIN THE SCIENCE.
Mr.PINKUS: THIS IS GOOD SCIENCE
Gogglemen: well, what's hypothesis? Who do you think is a jumper?
Mr.PINKUS: ORANGE=JUMPER
Mr.PINKUS: BLONDE=JUMPER
Mr.PINKUS: WHITE=JUMPER
Gogglemen: You talk to ORNAGE on IM?
Gogglemen: BLONDE has an IM?
Mr.PINKUS: Orange? rarely...they are JUMPING!
Mr.PINKUS: i have to sneak up on them
Mr.PINKUS: and even then, they are wily
Gogglemen: like a bunny.
Gogglemen: what if I post this and I change your handle.
Mr.PINKUS: DONE.
Mr.PINKUS: That makes it real SCIENCE.
Gogglemen: What's Blonde's handle?
Mr.PINKUS: Blondey....easy...too easy...
Gogglemen: I didn't know!
Mr.PINKUS: it might not be them.
Mr.PINKUS: just a JUMP-BOT!
Gogglemen: they are online.
Mr.PINKUS: meant to make people feel bad about themselves
Mr.PINKUS: try chatting...they'll split!
Gogglemen: Maybe it's just us.
Mr.PINKUS: i learned the hard way.
Mr.PINKUS: yeah.
Mr.PINKUS: yeah.
Mr.PINKUS: ...sigh...
Mr.PINKUS: one day.
Gogglemen: If I do. and I post this...they may get mad...or something.
Mr.PINKUS: delete this part, so they'll be cool
Gogglemen: Still..
Mr.PINKUS: hmmm...
Mr.PINKUS: calling them a jumper?
Mr.PINKUS: I calls em likes I sees em.
Gogglemen: do you want me to call them a jumper?
Mr.PINKUS: and when I see Blonde, I see a jumper.
Mr.PINKUS: JUMPER!
Gogglemen: Well, they are not responding.
Mr.PINKUS: EXACTLY.
Gogglemen: They are an non-responder!
Mr.PINKUS: Hypothesis confirmed!
Mr.PINKUS: And worse!
Gogglemen: Wait!
Mr.PINKUS: WHAT?!
Mr.PINKUS: WHAT?!
Mr.PINKUS: LORD HELP ME, ANDY ROCCO, IF YOU GET A RESPONSE...
Gogglemen: They are busy at work.
Mr.PINKUS: BUT YOU GOT A RESPONSE?
Mr.PINKUS: TELL ME YOU GOT A RESPONSE.
Mr.PINKUS: TELL ME!
Gogglemen: yes
Gogglemen: relaxe! Your bold type and caps are scary.
Mr.PINKUS: JESUS MARY and JOSEPH!
Gogglemen: Stop freaking out dude.
Mr.PINKUS: you're a better man than i, andy rocco. a better man than i.
Mr.PINKUS: i'm ok. i'm just all lucy liu in kill bill.
Mr.PINKUS: it's like my father and mother were both killed by a pedophiliac yakuza boss. you understand.
Gogglemen: yeah. This very simlar. (Gives him an odd look)
Mr.PINKUS: i'm glad it's happened to you too.
Gogglemen: Are you really mad? Are happy?
Gogglemen: Seriously.
Mr.PINKUS: happy as can be!
Mr.PINKUS: bit bit bit!~
Mr.PINKUS: now that's acting.
Gogglemen: IMethod acting.
Mr.PINKUS: HA!
Gogglemen: HA!

 

[Jeez...man]

Now For Some Bussiness

I think I'm more especially nervous about my show the this week.
(Nothing is wrong with the show mind you)
But, my family is coming to see the show. My parents and my sister.
I guess I really want to them to like it, or least understand other people like it. So, I would like there to be alot of people, so this now becoming a plug journal. I got to plug

Andy's Rocco
HAPPY LIFE
SKETCH COMEDY!

Written by Andy Rocco (Monkeydick/Sketch show/Talk show/Monster talk)
Directed by Curtis Gwinn (The Man show/Monkeydick)

Featuring the Happy life players
Katie Dippold (Retraced/Police Chief Rumble)
Eric Scott (Van Buren/Retraced)
Jeff Scherer (The Documentary/Dirtest Sketch)
and
Andy Rocco

SATURDAYS AT 7:30pm
UCB THEATER 307 west 26th (near 8th)
1-212-366-9176

They haven't seen much of what I do. Mostly, because my shows are nights, that don't work for them. So, thanks for supporting!

-Rocco-

 

[Jeez...man]

Today is the Greatest........

Hmmmm...I love music. At work people accuse me of not liking music. I do like music. Kinko's plays music at work and I hate it. It drives me fucking crazy. It's shitty, very often soft, and overplayed popular shit. Now, when working shit jobs, got to listen to shitty music. It's given.
And it's worst during chirstmas time. I have asked them to to turn it off, but I seem to get out voted, or I'm told it's store policy. So, I'm willing to compromise: Lower the fucking music, to a level I can ignore. The music can be set by dial which is in my manager's office. It goes all the way up to 10. The standard is 3 apparently. Every morning I set the dial to 2, and then when my manager comes in he sets it back to 3. When he goes to the bank, I'll set back to 2. This goes on all day.
When I'm working and the music is at three, I get anger qucikly and violent (violent to the object I'm working with) It's hard to think and work at the task at hand. I hate it. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! Today, I tried. I tried, to keep the music at 3 and live with it, but it just made stupid and angry all day...FUCK FUCK FUC FUCK!
This morning was not good start.
First customer, wanted me to copy a newspaper article in color. As I took the newspaper clipping to the color copier. The man freaked out with rage and slamed a stapler to the counter.
"Your wrinkling it! Don't handle it like that!" he yelped.
This guy was a real asshole. I was not handling this any different than other customer. A minute after his outburst, he then quickly started apologize over and over again.
I really don't need this shit.

By the way, Have a important show happening this week too...
COME SEE
ANDY ROCCO's
HAPPY LIFE

SKETCH COMEDY!

SATURDAY 7:30pm
AT Ucb theater.

Come see it.

-Rocco-

 

[Jeez...man]

So, what's in a day.

I feel better, today. I'm about to go on the floor and start work. I feel calm. I re-read the post before this one and hopefully, the rest of the day will be the oppsite. I feel like it will be. I will keep ths part, and edit this later. I will go into more details

TIME SKIP

I was very suprised, I stayed in good mood, all day. It was kind of dead, and the music was at 2 all day (another suprise). Two my co-workers who I dislike, weren't here. It wasn't so bad. Even if there was billion customers and music was on 5, I would like to think I'd still be in good mood. Just a good day.



Meanwhile, here's old silly IM I had with Will Hines.

GOGGLEMEN: I maybe late to practice.
WillieBHines: ok
GOGGLEMEN: and I'm going to have sex with two memebers of monkeydick during practice.
WillieBHines: sure
GOGGLEMEN: Rob lathan and Vivca A. Fox.
WillieBHines: last one not on monkeydick
GOGGLEMEN: What?
GOGGLEMEN: maybe just Rob Lathan
WillieBHines: that's fine
GOGGLEMEN: Rob lathan is that other sexy chick from KILL BILL
WillieBHines: no
GOGGLEMEN: oh.
GOGGLEMEN: I guess, I'm just coming to practice.
WillieBHines: great
WillieBHines: see you then. got to go. busy.
GOGGLEMEN: okay,
GOGGLEMEN: see ya!
WillieBHines: bye!

 

[Jeez...man]

So, this day...

On Wednesday there was a store meeting, and it was during my shift and there was a free lunch. Horray! The meeting was boring like all these store meetings, however amazingly enough, we are doing pretty good. Our branch has sucked for years, and now we're doing alright.
All my co-workers are buzz about this free digtal camera, we can get if all the stores in our district make a certain percentage. Not just us. All the stores. My manager says, we're going to make the perecentage. I have strange feeling this digtal camera thing is going to end shitty. I don't know how, but will. So, I'm not too excited, but if I get free a camera the journal can be like Sean Taylor's pizza journal or Terry's Daily Beverage.

The meeting ran late. I normally leave work at 2pm, so during the meeting I decided to take my tie off because I was just going to leave right after the meeting.

The next day, my boss says this bullshit to me, while I'm working.
"Good to see you have your tie on still." he says.
"You know, it was rude to take your tie off during the meeting. We're paying you for your time, during the meeting. Even if your not up front working with the customers, it's still rude." He explained.

Fuck you, man. Sure, you got a job to be the boss. But, that's fucking petty, man.


TODAY:

I took the day off. My is cousin is getting married, and I'm the best man.

My brother, joked "the best man" or "best man available?"

Fuck you, man.

Honestly, I feel honored to the best man. However, I got think speech for the toast. Oh, boy. So, I got to write it. Show I start silly IRC thread about toasts. I dunno.


So, see you later.
-Rocco-

 

[Jeez...man]

Day-day

Mr.Pinkus: Pinkus is stealing my thunder
GOGGLEMEN: I was thinking of making Mr. Pinkus just the name I use for whenever I can't give people's real names.
Mr. Pinkus: That's good, so people won't start calling me that when they figure out it's me
GOGGLEMEN: Some people were curious.
Mr. Pinkus: really?
Mr. Pinkus: that's funny
Mr. Pinkus: feel free to out me whenever it pleases you
GOGGLEMEN: I like the idea of the journal of having a mystery element to it. Like, Mr. Caustic for Terry's journal. Only it's not just one man.
Mr.Pinkus: Yeah, that keeps em coming back. I got to go now. See ya.
GOGGLEMEN: See ya, Mr.Pinkus.

Another IM with Mr. Pinkus. This one happened by accident. I was having two instant messages at the same time. I was talking being naked in one, and I accidently send the following to Mr. Pinkus.

GOGGLEMEN: show off your comicly large cock!
GOGGLEMEN: DOh!
GOGGLEMEN: Sorry!
GOGGLEMEN: Yeah, sorry about that. the cock comment was for another IM.
Mr.Pinkus: that's okay - I like to talk about cock
GOGGLEMEN: really?
Mr.Pinkus: i mean, if they are comically large
GOGGLEMEN: Well, of course.
GOGGLEMEN: If somebody had a comically large. Like 2 feet.
People would naturally talk about it, especially if they just saw it.
Mr.Pinkus: i don't know how you couldn't. i was on teh subway the other day and a guy's cock was just clearly outlined by his knit pants and I talked about that for at least an hour - and it was not even comically big - just comically on-display
GOGGLEMEN: I once saw a porn where I guy had two cocks (yes, they worked.) and I chewed off everyone's ear about it. They weren't big either. It was just double-comical.
Mr.Pinkus: the guy had two cocks? were they close together?
GOGGLEMEN: yeah.
Mr.Pinkus: awesome
GOGGLEMEN: For God to give a guy two cocks, is werid. To make them far apart, is just cruel.
Mr.Pinkus: it might not be bad to have one in front and one in the back
GOGGLEMEN: Maybe. I think you would throw out your hip out.
Mr.Pinkus: true - man, that could be cool. one cock on each hip - like six-shooters
GOGGLEMEN: Plus, you would have to date two women
Mr.Pinkus: that would be difficult - i wonder if they would have assigned cocks
GOGGLEMEN: I guess.
GOGGLEMEN: I know so, little about women. I would think they don't like that
Mr.Pinkus: probably not.

 

[Jeez...man]

Picture of me.

Just picture of me at my cousin's wedding. I thought I looked damn good. I should have kept the tux. Rentals!

 

[Jeez...man]

Day flow like pee.

Mr. Pinkus and I engage in another IM. I edit all the IMs for funny or weridness, but...somehow we got on this debate.

GOGGLEMEN: Hooray!
GOGGLEMEN: Is pee excrement?
GOGGLEMEN: I thought poo can only be excrement.
Mr.Pinkus: that's a good question
GOGGLEMEN: I raise the questions!
Mr.Pinkus: but who will have the guts to answer them - or should I say - the excrement to answer them?
GOGGLEMEN: you!
GOGGLEMEN: answer it!
GOGGLEMEN: Now.
GOGGLEMEN: Do it!
Mr.Pinkus: i say - pee is excrement
Mr.Pinkus: lock it down.
GOGGLEMEN: hmmm…alright, I'll go with you on it.
Mr.Pinkus: you seem unsure
GOGGLEMEN: (looks around)
GOGGLEMEN: what are you talking about?
GOGGLEMEN: I trust......
GOGGLEMEN: ......
GOGGLEMEN: you
Mr.Pinkus: your ellipsiis betray you
GOGGLEMEN: ellipsiis?
Mr.Pinkus: ...
GOGGLEMEN: I don't think that's what they are called....
GOGGLEMEN: But I trust......
GOGGLEMEN: you.....
GOGGLEMEN: on.....
GOGGLEMEN: that's what "ellipsiis" means
Mr.Pinkus: i'm really only an expert on pee and dots
GOGGLEMEN: They are very simlar
GOGGLEMEN: When cartoons pee it looks like dots.
Mr.Pinkus: i don't know if i've ever seen a cartoon pee
GOGGLEMEN: What?
GOGGLEMEN: Well...
GOGGLEMEN: When people make crude drawings, and want to draw pee, it looks like dots.
GOGGLEMEN: 8=====> .......
GOGGLEMEN: see.
GOGGLEMEN: or it's cumming. Not to gross you out.
Mr.Pinkus: how do you tell the difference?
GOGGLEMEN: well, you can't really.
Mr.Pinkus: that seems like trouble
GOGGLEMEN: Well, lucky for you, you probably don't draw that many cocks.
GOGGLEMEN: I have the sense humor of a 13 year old.
GOGGLEMEN: So....
Mr.Pinkus: it's funny either way - pee or cum
GOGGLEMEN: Depends on the circumstances.
GOGGLEMEN: I find cum funnier.
Mr.Pinkus: yes - sticky is always funnier than wet
GOGGLEMEN: That and I think cum is more important than pee in way.
Mr.Pinkus: no baby was ever made from pee
GOGGLEMEN: exactly!
GOGGLEMEN: except the "Pee-baby"
Mr.Pinkus: yes, the nefarious Pee-baby is an exception to almost every rule
GOGGLEMEN: nefarious?
GOGGLEMEN: You love your words.
Mr.Pinkus: yes, i have the sense of humor of a 45-year-old Brit
GOGGLEMEN: that's better the 13 yeard old.
Mr.Pinkus: Depends on the circumstances.
GOGGLEMEN: true.
Mr.Pinkus: sometimes cum is funnier
Mr.Pinkus: wait - are you writing this from Kinkos?
GOGGLEMEN: yeah.
GOGGLEMEN: it's goof off time!
Mr.Pinkus: wow - i had no idea
Mr.Pinkus: how do you escape from the paper chase?
GOGGLEMEN: I leave at 2pm. Now, I'm goofing off.
GOGGLEMEN: Doing the Monkeyblog.
Mr.Pinkus: ah, i see. do you have to pay by the minute?
GOGGLEMEN: No. However they get very touchy about how many copies you make.
Mr.Pinkus: that's the bread and butter - it's like stealing tires from Goodyear
GOGGLEMEN: C'mon!
GOGGLEMEN: Free copies, should be part of the deal!
Mr.Pinkus: you've never snuck a copy?
GOGGLEMEN: I have to!
GOGGLEMEN: Everyone gets free copies at thier workplace.
GOGGLEMEN: Capitalism is werid.
Mr.Pinkus: and not nearly as funny as Pee-baby
GOGGLEMEN: Poor Pee-baby.
Mr.Pinkus: Pee-Baby is the butt of too many jokes.
Mr.Pinkus: HA!
GOGGLEMEN: HA!
Mr.Pinkus: and thus it brings me back around to my assertion that pee is indeed excrement
GOGGLEMEN: Very clever.

Hey, want more werid awesome stuff. Come to www.monkeydick.com
and check out the blog!

 

[Jeez...man]

another stinkin day

"About yesterday. You made me look like an idiot. You didn't back up me. You have done this once before and it's not right"

Hamilton is this 75 year old man, that works at my store. He handles the counter. He takes the orders and I do them. He's very stocky man with a full head of white hair and he smells AWFUL! Like shit. I think, he shits his pants. I'm not saying this to mean, often he's nice guy and we get along, but the man stinks like crap. In fact one time while he was bending down I thought I heard the crinkling from a adult diaper. He smells terrible, can't stress that enough. Really bad.

"About yesterday. You made me look like a idiot. You didn't back me. You have done this once before and it's not right"

Hamilton said this to me, this morning in all his stinking glory. Yesterday, he was telling a customer, that we couldn't have a job due at such and such time. I was dealing with customer a little before, so I felt the need to step in, because he didn't seem happy. I told the customer, this exactly...
"You know what? I'm going to ask our supervisor, if we can do a better due time. He is probably going to say the same thing as Hamilton, but let me just double check."
I dunno, Hamilton's problem is....fucking hell. I didn't think I made him look bad, the stinky asshole!

"Stay away from the counter!" Hamilton concluded.

Sweet Jesus! I can't even remeber the last time I did this kind of thing to him. Fuck you, Hamilton. I guess, that's all I have to say.

 

[Jeez...man]

SOUP of the day.

I fucking love soup!

For a while, I was a strictly chicken noodle soup guy only, but I have changed.
Now, I can't seem to get enough of different soups. Next door to my Kinkos is a this high price deli and where they have different soup each day. It makes me feel like an old man, to get excited about soup, but I can't help myself. The Soups that were good from next door are:

Low-fat mushroom soup.
Matzoh ball soup.
Chicken Floretine.
Chicken Noodle (of course)

However, I'm not a big fan about anything that's like veggie-ish or chowders. (I don't think I ever had chowder.) Maybe I will try it one day.

Anyway,

I'm curious, So what will be today's soup? I asked the girl Veronica who works there.
"I don't even know" she answered.

Is everyday different, and we just don't know how it is going to be different?


-Rocco-

 

[Jeez...man]

Flipping razor blades in the mouth

I remeber a somewhat of an amusing story today.
It was my freshman year in high school and it was my first english class of the new semster. My english teacher Mr. Anderson annouce that we had to interview, the person next to you and then write a essay, introducing them to the class. And if you knew them already, find sombody else.

My movie adled brain, was thinking I should get teamed up with girl. At first we are at odds with other, but then fall in love.

No such luck.

Sitting next to me was a pale skinny boy, wearing baggy clothes and baseball cap backwards. I never met him before. We hardly bonded, but we were not rude to each other. His name was Jason DeGruchy. He seem quiet, laid back, and into his graffitti art. I didn't think I left much of impression on him, and he wasn't holding my interest that well either.

Did he have parents? I don't really remeber if, he did. I hate to ask him. He probably said if he did, but I wasn't paying attention. And I hate to think I got to keep bringing the fact he doesn't have parents.

The Interview was over and I had my data (sort of), so I started to write the essay, it went something like this...

That kid over there.
By
Andy Rocco

I will admit to not being very social, and when it comes to faces and names I am terrible. Plus, how often do you get to know the people in your class? How many semsters will go by and I will just keep thinking of these people as that kid over there? So, it was nice to find out about at least one....

Good start I thought. The rest of the essay, resembled a lanudry list of just stuff about Jason.
The next day, before class I saw him saw him and made sure he was ready. He nodded that he was. He also seem to gotten his tongue pierced, because I can hear him playing with metal inside his mouth.
We went first in class. We both sat down in front of the class and read our essays. I don't even remeber what he wrote about me, but he read his first. Then I read mine. During mine, the metal clacking was louder. Jason sat there dully, with his mouth open playing with the metal ring or whatever.
Then somone asked...
"Jason, what do you have in your mouth?"
"A razor blade"
"What?"
"a Razor blade"
I look at over at him, and realize he doesn't have a pierce tongue.
He was flipping a razor blade in his mouth!

I learn nothing, from this it was just bizarre.

 

[Jeez...man]

Another day, the same fucking joke!

These are jokes that are made work constantly. I'm very humorless at work and I find these jokes god awful and annoying.

My supervisor Carlos, has this one joke he beats to death. He does at least 5 times a day.

CARLOS: You got to mount those signs for that customer. She*was upset that it wasn't ready at 8:00.
ME: I did that, already.
CARLOS: You are the best, I don't care what Benny (the main manager) says about you.

(He would vary it to whoever, where benny's name is)

*For some reason, regardless of gender. Carlos will refer to customer as "she".

Benny (my main manager) Will refer to jobs as babies. Like...
"We got to take this baby and put it the mounter."
"See this, baby here. It's due at noon." Benny, start this and Carlos does it too. Like son who mimics his father. I think Carlos is in love with Benny sometimes, although they are both married.


Hamilton, (the old guy, who I think shits himself and fellow coworker) has these jokes he does for all the customers. All Jokes vary from each thing a customer asks. Samples:

1)
Customer: Hi, can may use the stapler?
HAMILTON: We don't let people use the staplers on Monday. (Or whatever day it is)

2)
Customer: Can I get a bag?
HAMILTON: Now, your being a unreasonable.

3)
Customer: Three color copies, how much is that? (About $3.00)
HAMILTON: $400.00

I hear him do these jokes all day. It's really annoying.
I guess, it's this is how they cope with being stuck at shitty job.

This entry is mine in way.

 

[Jeez...man]

Here goes...

In the journal, I notice people like the entries when I write about work and the weridness that goes on. A friend told me to go as far to write a show based on my life at kinko's. Like a play.

Which I have thought about. But do I want to be known as the the guy who works at Kinko's? Some may say "You are known as the guy who works at Kinko's" Great. (sarcastic) I do talk about it in my show. I have used kinko's in my improv and in other things, but I do feel embrassed by it and like a idiot. I don't know....

These are the thoughts that race through my head...
I can write a show or whatever about Kinko's, my managers find out and get fired for it.

I can write about kinko's, never get fired and people love it. However, no writting jobs take me seriously, and end up working at kinko's for the rest of my life.

Write about kinko's, get sued by Kinko's for slander, get free press about it. But I can never write about it. Defintely get fired.

Jeez...!

Today's Kinkos story:

Like a week ago, about hour before I was going punch out, this lady calls on the phone. She sounded like a mental case. She had this horrible loud voice on the phone. I thought she was retarded.
LADY: Do you unzip files?
ME: Depends, is it jpgs?
LADY: Yeah, I have two zip files. There is 30 jpgs. I can't figure out how to open them. I just need someone to do them for me.
ME: Well, that will take a while to print. Because we got to open each one.
LADY:I don't need them printed. I need you open them and email them to me as separate jpgs, in seprate emails.
ME: Kinko's doesn't do that.* And that will also take longer.
LADY: I need them today. Please! Is there anyone there, who can do theM?
ME: Again, Kinko's doesn't do that.
LADY: Please, can you do it? I'll pay you whatever. Like 25 bucks.
ME: Alright, email me the files. I will do it, from my personal email.
LADY:Thank you, so much.
ME: I'll be off the clock in a hour. I will do it then.
LADY: Great, what's your email...

I gave her my email feeling werid about the whole thing, but I had time to kill, and I could use the money to get into the city that night.
I normally hop on the self serve computers for hour or two after work and goof off. I get computer time for free.
so, why not?

I got her email and started, opening the files and sending them to her.
I would open jpg, save it to a floppy and then send it to her. It was time pretty consuming and annoying.

From the pictures, see she's not retarded. She just some 50 year old rich Greenwich Conneticut biddie. All her pictures were of her and her very red husband, in a fancy homes and hotels. Her and him having dinner with some friends and then her and him meeting with bussiness people.
She shows up on talking on her cell phone loudly never putting it down.

LADY: You get them?

She jawed on the phone and consume some salad as I work.
It was getting late. I did fifteen jpgs. I explained that it was getting late and I will do rest of the next morning. She agree that was fine and gave me ten bucks, and will give rest tommorow.

The next morning I did as promise and she never showed up.
Damnit! Now I'm out 15 bucks! Great!

Werid thing is today I think I saw her. And she didn't say anything.
I mean, I'm not trying to be funny, but all these customers look the same to me and all rich women look the same.
I think it's her. I'm not sure. I suddenly feel gulity about asking her...

What if I ask her and she does pay me, but my manager sees it?
I can get into trouble, for using kinkos to make money for myself.

My manager is Benny has been on the floor all day. He's like three feet away. Do I dare ask? It looks like her.

I don't ask. The rich win again. Fuck!

-Rocco-

*Kinko's doesn't do that. We are not allowed to email orders to people because, what if they don't pay?

 

[Jeez...man]

Huh? What was that?

My supervisor Carlos has a accent, and sometimes I just don't hear right genral.

Carlos: What are you doing? While your waiting for this job to be mounted, you can bind these books over here.
Me: Alright. I'll do it.
Carlos: Monekyass!
Me: Did you say Monkeyass?
Carlos: No, Multi-task!

Oh.
(When this happened I thought of putting it in the journal as kind of werid tribute to the "Boss of Applesauce." A great journal, by the way.)

Just another werid fact about Carlos.

When I came in this morning, Carlos told me he fell off roof of his house last night but, he was alright. What a trooper.


-Rocco-

 

[Jeez...man]

Carlos is really werid

On Monday And Tuesday, I don't have to be at work until 9am.
The only time, I can get a ride to work is real early. So, basicly, I show and goof off or just do nothing. Today, I did nothing, I really didn't want to go out on floor. I felt fine not doing anything in the back room all than go to work. Yesterday, it was insanely busy and I stayed late, maybe that's why.
As I am about to walk on the floor, Carlos is about to re-enter the floor.
"Andy, thank you for yesterday."
"Yeah."
"Let's have a good day today."
"Alright"
"I didn't wear any underwear today."
"Thanks for sharing"
He laughs, and puts his apron back on. He likes to talk about werid stuff like that, just for sillness...I guess.
Later he confessed that his butt was itching. I suggested maybe because he was not wearing underwear, but I don't that's not that a side effect from not wearing underwear. He laughed, anyway.
"Andrew, did you see that movie with Al Pachino on TV?"
"Huh?"
"Al Pachino, in that movie. With the gays?"
"Angels in America?"
"I don't know, what it was called?"
"Did it have angels in it?"
"Yeah"
"It probably was Angels in America"
"Well, it had fags in it. I didn't like it. You had to watch them kiss"

That's Carlos.