The 25 Word Movie Review Journal

[TwentyFiveWords]

Buying the Cow (2001)
Directed by: Walt Becker
Starring: Jerry O'Connell, Bridgitte Wilson, Ryan Reynolds, Ron Livingston
Rating: 3.25 (out of 5.0)

Jerry O'Connell's movies usually suck ass, but this one's actually amusing. Director Becker channels the Farrellys in this story of committment-phobic men. Worth renting.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Thirteen Ghosts (2001)
Directed by: Steve Beck
Starring: Shannon Elizabeth, Matthew Lillard, Tony Shalhoub
Rating: 2.5 (out of 5.0)

Ironically, the CGI ghosts show more personality than the actors themselves. Fun ride--just don't expect high art. Lillard's definitely the standout. Not particularly scary.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Super Troopers (2001)
Directed by: Jay Chandrasekhar
Starring: Jay Chandrasekhar, Erik Stolhanske, Steve Lemme, Marisa Coughlan
Rating: 1.25 (out of 5.0)

My co-worker told me it's hilarious. Remind me to hit him with a bat. Seriously unfunny comedy, like "Police Academy" without plot or purpose. Jesus.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Thanks for the inspiration, WillZone.



The Ring (2002)
Directed by: Gore Verbinski
Starring: Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson, Brian Cox, Daveigh Chase
Rating: 3.75 (out of 5.0)

Seriously disturbing, freaky work by Verbinski, last seen punishing us with "The Mexican." Stays with you long after viewing. Television static still creeps me out.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Final Destination 2 (2002)
Directed by: David R. Ellis
Starring: A.J. Cook, Ali Larter, Michael Landes
Rating: 2.0 (out of 5.0)

Sound and fury, signifying nothing. The first 15 minutes are grippingly intense. The other 75? Anything but. Like a ditzy co-ed -- loud, pretty, and stupid.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Minority Report (2002)
Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell, Max von Sydow
Rating: 2.25 (out of 5.0)

Another beautiful film with nothing to say. Philip Dick's work is muddied with this directionless, unfocused look at policemen who solve crimes via psychics. Boring.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Daredevil (2003)
Directed by: Mark Steven Johnson
Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Colin Farrell, Michael Clarke Duncan
Rating: 1.75 (out of 5.0)

This movie pisses me off. Not faithful enough for fanboys, and not mainstream enough for the masses, it flounders in self-importance. Could've been fantastic.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
Directed by: Gore Verbinski
Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Geoffrey Rush
Rating: 3.75 (out of 5.0)

Okay, so not all pirate movies suck. Depp is at his cartoonish best, and Bloom continues to fascinate. Perhaps over-long, but guaranteed to entertain.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Artificial Intelligence: AI (2003)
Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Haley Joel Osment, Jude Law, William Hurt
Rating: 3.0 (out of 5.0)

Shut up, I liked this movie. A retelling of "Pinocchio" with a robotic boy. Ambitious and visually interesting. Wish it'd ended at the blue fairy.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
Directed by: George Lucas
Starring: Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Ewan McGregor, a CGI Yoda
Rating: 3.0 (out of 5.0)

For everything that's going on, it's amazingly bland, and just okay. McGregor continues to be the bright spot. CGI Yoda shows more range than Christensen.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Training Day (2001)
Directed by: Antoine Fuqua
Starring: Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, Tom Beringer
Rating: 4.25 (out of 5.0)

"It's not what you know...it's what you can prove."

Finest detective story I've seen recently. Denzel deservedly won Best Actor for this. Fascinating viewing.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Starring: Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Michael Constantine
Rating: 3.75 (out of 5.0)

The fantastic movie that spawned a shitty TV show. Doesn't live up to the mountains of hype, but enjoyable nonetheless. John Corbett rules, as always.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)
Directed by: George Clooney
Starring: Sam Rockwell, Drew Barrymore, George Clooney, Julia Roberts
Rating: 3.0 (out of 5.0)

This movie should have been a billion times better. Speaks volumes that they made Chuck Barris's interesting life seem so goddamned...dull. Rental, at best.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Bad Boys II (2003)
Directed by: Michael Bay
Starring: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Gabrielle Union
Rating: 3.75 (out of 5.0)

Almost despite myself, I enjoyed this movie. There's unlimited mileage on the chemistry between Smith and Lawrence, and the action sequences were inspired. Recommended? Yep.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Spun (2002)
Directed by: Jonas Akerlund
Starring: Jason Schwartzman, Brittany Murphy, John Leguizamo, Mickey Rourke
Rating: 2.25 (out of 5.0)

Having never done meth, I can't comment on the imagery, but I do know boring movies. Wants to ape "Requiem For a Dream" and fails.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Bubble Boy (2001)
Directed by: Blair Hayes
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Swoosie Kurtz, Marley Shelton, Verne Troyer
Rating: 3.5 (out of 5.0)

Owes a debt of gratitute to "Pee Wee's Big Adventure," surely, but overall a pretty enjoyable flick. Don't expect high art, and you'll be amused.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Donnie Darko (2001)
Directed by: Richard Kelly
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Patrick Swayze, Drew Barrymore
Rating: 4.25 (out of 5.0)

Story about mental illness, space/time travel, growing up in the 80's, and a man-sized bunny named Frank. Confused? Just watch. You'll be captivated.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Igby Goes Down (2002)
Directed by: Burr Steers
Starring: Kieran Culkin, Claire Danes, Ryan Phillippe, Jeff Goldblum, Susan Sarandon, Bill Pullman
Rating: 1.75 (out of 5.0)

Somebody explain--how can a movie with great actors and great performances suck so badly? Suffers from atrocious story, bad pacing. "Recommended viewing?" Fucking Netflix.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Eight Legged Freaks (2002)
Directed by: Ellory Elkayem
Starring: David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer, Doug E. Doug
Rating: 2.25 (out of 5.0)

Arquette makes another career move that makes phone commercials look brilliant in comparison. Perfect for "Tremors" fans--stupid, yet self-aware. "Mystery Science Theater" fodder.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Chicago (2002)
Directed by: Rob Marshall
Starring: Renee Zellweger, Richard Gere, Catherine Zeta-Jones
Rating: 4.0 (out of 5.0)

As much as I dislike musicals, this movie's got chops, and it's well worth catching. Zellweger is unfortunately overshadowed by Jones, who's brilliant. Fantastic film.