The 25 Word Movie Review Journal

[TwentyFiveWords]

The Premise (in 25 words):

How often have you wasted your time reading long-winded movie reviews? Here you'll find reviews of recent movies, 25 words or less.

(Including this intro.)

_____________________________________________________________

My Qualifications (in 25 words):

28 year-old movie enthusiast who watches and appreciates every film genre. I own over 200 DVDs. I've seen over 2,000 movies.

And I won't bullshit you.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Personal Velocity: Three Portraits (2002)
Directed by: Rebecca Miller
Starring: Kyra Sedgwick, Parker Posey, Fairuza Balk
Rating: 2.0 (out of 5.0)

Heavy handed, sometimes enlightening, yet ultimately boring story of three women and their personal empowerment stories. Sedgwick, Balk stand out, everyone else phones it in.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Secretary (2002)
Directed by: Steven Shainberg
Starring: James Spader, Maggie Gyllenhaal
Rating: 3.5 (out of 5.0)

Young woman explores S&M world with her repressed lawyer employer. Strangely compelling, but not the movie you want to show mom and dad. Decent rental.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

The Animatrix (2003)
Directed by: Peter Chung, Various others
Starring: (Voices of) Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Olivia D'Abo
Rating: 3.0 (out of 5.0)

A good continuation of the Matrix mythos in animated form. Great for fans, but Matrix haters will loathe it. "Final Flight" episode is utterly stunning.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Waking Life (2001)
Directed by: Richard Linklater
Starring: A bunch of people you don't know, plus Ethan Hawke
Rating: 3.25 (out of 5.0)

Imagine trying to understand the nature of the universe, as told by the "Dazed and Confused" guy. Trippy, enlightening, and heavier than Thanksgiving at grandma's.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Bruce Almighty (2003)
Directed by: Tom Shadyac
Starring: Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston, Morgan Freeman
Rating: 4.0 (out of 5.0)

Pop-corny fun with Jim Carrey, directed by the creator of “Liar, Liar.” Carrey silliness mixed with positive religious overtones – a dangerous combination, yet somehow effective.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

The Transporter (2002)
Directed by: Luc Besson
Starring: Jason Statham, Qi Shu
Rating: 3.75 (out of 5.0)

Mindless, fun action flick--leave your logical brain at home. Statham gained popularity in “Snatch,” and proves a formidable action hero. Total guilty pleasure movie.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Gangs of New York (2002)
Directed by: Martin Scorcese
Starring: Daniel Day Lewis, Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz
Rating: 3.5 (out of 5.0)

Scorcese’s love letter to New York history marred by uneven script. Movie saved singlehandedly by Lewis, playing the most interesting villain since Hannibal. Leo blows.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Punch Drunk Love (2002)
Directed by: Wes Anderson
Starring: Adam Sandler, Emily Watson, Philip Seymour Hoffman
Rating: 4.0 (out of 5.0)

Meet Barry Egan, bizarre man-child, and his explorations into life and love. Warning: If you’re expecting Billy Madison 2, keep walking. Oscar-worthy? Absolutely.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Old School (2003)
Directed by: Todd Phillips
Starring: Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell
Rating: 3.5 (out of 5.0)

Juvenile tale of men who start their own fraternity. Never once fails to take the low road. Not as funny as advertised, but still entertaining.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Adaptation (2002)
Directed by: Spike Jonze
Starring: Nicholas Cage, Meryl Streep, Chris Cooper
Rating: 2.5 (out of 5.0)

Someday I’ll probably appreciate the subtleties of this movie. Today isn’t that day. Admirable concept, ultimately too muddled for most audiences. Confusing doesn’t equal artsy.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Tomb Raider (2001)
Directed by: Simon West
Starring: Angelina Jolie, Jon Voight
Rating: 0.25 (out of 5.0)

Second-worst movie I've ever seen, beaten by "Batman & Robin." Even Angelina's swirling ass can't save this shit pile. My eyes are still burning.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

XXX (2002)
Directed by: Rob Cohen
Starring: Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Asia Argento
Rating: 2.25 (out of 5.0)

All eye candy, no substance. Didn't expect Shakespeare, but didn't even get Van Damme. Awarded extra rating point for inspiring naughty Asia fantasy. Mediocre rental.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

The Tuxedo (2002)
Directed by: Kevin Donovan
Starring: Jackie Chan, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Isaacs
Rating: 1.25 (out of 5.0)

Jackie slogs through terrible plot, bad action, and Love's enormous forehead. Deserves an award for not bitchslapping her during filming. Bad fun? No. Just BAD.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

The Rules of Attraction (2002)
Directed by: Roger Avary
Starring: James Van der Beek, Shannyn Sossamon, Jessical Biel
Rating: 3.5 (out of 5.0)

Despite lack of ONE sympathetic character, the movie's compelling like a car accident. WB's executives must've panicked - Biel's naked, Dawson's despicable. Both absolutely riveting. AWESOME.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

American Psycho 2 (2002)
Directed by: Morgan J. Freeman
Starring: Mila Kunis, William Fucking Shatner
Rating: 0.02 (out of 5.0)

Somehow, worse than "Tomb Raider." Loose follow-up to American Psycho, only without Patrick Bateman, a message, or plot. I'm dumber for having seen this.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

28 Days Later (2003)
Directed by: Danny Boyle
Starring: Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Christopher Eccleston
Rating: 4.25 (out of 5.0)

Bleak tale surrounding survivors of viral infection that overtakes the world in 28 days. Smarter and more thrilling than anything Hollywood's done lately. Chillingly delightful.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

8 Mile (2002)
Directed by: Curtis Hanson
Starring: Eminem, Mekhi Phifer, Kim Basinger, Brittany Murphy
Rating: 4.0 (out of 5.0)

Surprisingly good performances and great script made this a breakout hit. Eminem basically portrays himself and his life. Low expectations result in a quality film.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

Narc (2002)
Directed by: Joe Carnahan
Starring: Ray Liotta, Jason Patric
Rating: 4.0 (out of 5.0)

Fantastic, intense police drama. Has flaws, but intricately-woven story and visual style promise an enjoyable trip. Fans of "The Shield," rent this immediately. Stunning.

 

[TwentyFiveWords]

My Top 25 Favorite Movies, pt. 1

My 25 Word Mission Statement:

It occurred to me that, without a "yardstick" to measure, my reviews are semi-worthless. As such, listed here are my 25 Favorite Movies, including reviews.

_____________________________________________________________

25. The Dirty Dozen (1967)
Directed by: Robert Aldrich
Starring: Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, John Cassavetes, Ernest Borgnine

The template for modern war movies is set. Marvin leads a band of murderers, misfits into war to assassinate Nazi officers. Tarantino’s remake coming soon.

_____________________________________________________________

24. RoboCop (1987)
Directed by: Paul Verhoeven
Starring: Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Kurtwood Smith

Less about mechanical cops, more about a dystopian future where policemen are commodities, and corporations reign unchecked. Bleak, penetrating, insightful. I pretend there aren't sequels.

_____________________________________________________________

23. Go (1999)
Directed by: Doug Liman
Starring: Sarah Polley, Katie Holmes, Jay Mohr, Timothy Olyphant

Surprising sleeper of 1999. Four stories intertwine through this tale of Christmas Eve in Los Angeles. “Pulp Fiction for teens?” It’s SO much more. Awesome.

_____________________________________________________________

22. Toy Story (1995)
Directed by: John Lassiter
Starring: (Voices of) Tim Allen, Tom Hanks, Annie Potts

Pixar’s first Disney feature benchmarked how CGI could be used. Gorgeous visuals helped by a flawless script and clever casting. It still amazes years later.

_____________________________________________________________

21. The Goonies (1985)
Directed by: Richard Donner
Starring: Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Corey Feldman

Child-based action/adventure stories begin here. Seven kids chase down pirate treasure to prevent the foreclosure of their homes. Sometimes touching, always exciting. Classic.