Taking A Step To The Right

[UnderAShadow]

It doesn't seem to help to just know how I feel but always has to write it. So without finding a beginning and never expecting an end... I give you the middle. :wave:

Damn I have been at this for so long... tryig to find my place in the world of improv, and the little community I have been a visiter for an off and on lenght of time. I have been fighting not really a battle but not really not a battle.

I have struggles, if you will, and it just seems I still haven't gotten anyway, but I have, and I wish I could take the time to pay tribute to one hell of an improv player, a man who makes hope have hope, this guy just needs more respect. I know he won't get it and it pisses me off so bad. He taught me a lot of things and took so many risks on me, I wish I could have paid off sooner. Overall I know no one will ever say thank you to this man but "Thank you!" :up:

Oh shit!!! are you nervious? uke:

I know I am because... FINALLY I HAVE TAKEN A STEP TO THE RIGHT! found the trail, or the road, to my place in the improv world. And for all those who doubted me (which there were many) Here's looking at you - :flip: Did you not get that.. oh I'm sorry let me repeat it - :flip:

Now I know I'm only onthe road to, but I have been running off road for so long this just gets me on a faster route, and places me where I can see the community I have been a repeative visiter. The wolf who stole sheeps at night.

Yesterday I couldn't help but think of the troupe and how they were having a rehersal, like usual, but unlike usual I was invited, I couldn't really make it but it won't always be that way, actually just a week more. I am going to make sure I focus and let myself go. I enjoy just about everyone in the troupe and those I don't, well I'm hoping that changes... Basically I hope improv is ready for me, because I have been ready for it.... :wave:

U.A.S.

 

[UnderAShadow]

Laughing To Death, Really!

I don't make jokes, I don't make set ups, I make reasons for people to be angry, reasons for people to take it that much more serious, and just maybe I make excuses. I'm no longer looking for the punch line, only because I am scared if I do the line will be somewhere on my nose!

:exp:

Come on people! Do you not understand the seriousness of your seriousness? I don't understand why you think you need to make something so fun, out to be something worth so little. I can see it now... the new teen movie of the year isn't about fast and furious cars, no no, It's not about love and the price you pay for following your heart, I am positive of that, and it has nothing to do with teenagers who stop Fucking pies, and figured they need to move on from foreign girls and get married, but what it's actually about is improv and the highs and lows of trying to become the best... Not only do you face worthy improvisers, but you become ego obsessed and forget that your in it for youself, and hopefully the crowd.

:exp:

Damn now that's the best teen made movie I have ever come acrossed. I need to get paid for that idea because I am damn sure improv is a scary buisness and if you don't know anyone in the biz, well then you better get familiar with the casting couch.

:exp:

God I hate venting... it only makes me more frustraited. I love improv, and I love hearing the crowd laughing out there problems, or having that much of a better day, and all because I took a horrible fall, or I came out in a dress from the closet and walked like a girl right before I said "silly boy", or not even that, maybe they just looked at me and knew from the beginning I was trouble. Either way I enjoy being on stage and improving my heart out and just recently I have the doors opened for that opportunity. But now I have to watch others complain because they didn't get thier tall decaf mocca cappacino, or decaf mocca latte'. No matter what drink the poor boy, who's only wish is the have the chance to play with them once, brings them they will never be pleased because they are comics and great improvisers and deserve the respect of the fucking queen of england.

:exp:

I don't think that if you go into a high class restaurant where the host needs a name or you can't eat, will just let you in as soon as you tell them your an improviser and work for a local troupe. It's your "don't leave home with out it..." type line isn't? whatever though right, wrong!

:exp:

But what can I do, watch their shows and even if they bomb, tell them they kicked ass and to keep up the good work, or otherwise another improviser hears you and believes you support someone they disagree with so now your obviously against them? I can't say anything though because no matter how long I have been doing improv my opinion is like an extra testicle on your forhead.

:exp:

Damn it makes me so mad... These people pretend to enjoy each other and talk about how they love performing with each other, but behind a lot of there backs they think they have to always carry the scene. But most of all that bugs me is it becomes a huge competition to all of these people. I mean really, do you believe if the crowd awards your team the most points you really proved your the best improviser?

Calm down tiger... just breathe... BIG INHALE, NOW BIG EXHALE

:exp:

There was a show tonight, and then after that there was another, unfortunately I was only able to view one of those shows. I have to say the shows went well, with exceptions, and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they had a great show and the audience just didn't laugh at things because they were tired of laughing for that second, yeah, and maybe I have green lamps with giant snails attatched to the lamp shade feasting and or eating turkey on wheat sandwiches... GROWING OUT OF MY ASS!

:exp:

Forget it though, they where great shows, well I hear, since I only made one, but the one I watched was great, it really was, but does everything have to be a competition, and not only that but does something made up of laughter and enjoyment need to be taken so damn seriously?

:exp:

I don't know, I'm a venting bastard, but in my eyes I think some certain people need to go on a damn retreat and get back to basics with team work.

:exp:

Hopefully before the people who are watching us and laughing to death, are watching laught die... not that it will, I believe to many proud people have to much pride... But I never said I wasn't one of them.

U.A.S.

 

[UnderAShadow]

Did I Trip

I don't know what is going on, and that's the best I can do. It's harder then I thought. I feel like I have been put on the spot and I need to do something or death.

My skills seem to be getting worse. I have working on so many things in the past week that I only feel I grew as a person, and a comedian, but not really an improviser. And even though tonight is our gathering if you will, I don't feel like I belong really. And it's not because ever one there looks at me like I don't belong, no, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be there. It's more of the people who are supposed to be supporting me the most, aren't.

I've gone to the gathering, if you will, twice already and I am planning on making this my third, but I know from the way I have been performing and with all the actors we already have, it will be awhile before I get any stage time. But I'm okay with that. I understand I have to earn my way each step closer. I just don't feel like I can earn anymore.

My skills are so on my mind. All I think now is how nervous I am and how much better everyone seems to be then me. I wish some one would talk to me about why its taken so long for me to get this far, right before I feel like turning back for good. I mean I have played in different troupes and I have done some good shows but it seems everyone is getting so where so much faster and I am the last one picked to play football.

I Think it has something to do with my attitude i'm not sure though. All my friends believe me to be so great and nice but I do agree that I am a little different at the theatre then I am when I am just around.

Well tonight I am going to work on not being so nervous, and just play, for fun, like I used to... And I will work on my attitude, because just the memory of when I used to be on stage is worth the struggle to have got this far, it just seems to be so close now... I don't know though

It just seems no matter what, I will never get my true chance... and not just in improv

U.S.A.

 

[UnderAShadow]

I haven't had much time to think of writting anything, lucky enough for me that's not the problem. The problem is... I'm not feeling anything, with out feeling my way through life I have nothing to say, nothing to write, and for me that's just not normal.

Obviously I have enough feeling to write now, but right now, I don't think I have enough worthy of wasting this time. And there is where my problem lies.

I am always trying to impress, or at least trying to explain myself, and usually I have no good reason why. I have to talk about myself to try to boost the self esteem I am newly tasting. On the flip you do understand that it effects my stage time.

But apparently I'm doing fine... why? Because of my numb-ness, my weakness of lately of not really feeling.

So my worry of late is am I better because I don't feel so much, almost to say am I a better person because I neglect my true feelings like a man should?

Or am I just improving so much as an improviser that feelings or not I really don't get to effect on stage with a damn thing off stage. Lets hope so because if being numb is the best way for me I will really have to rethink my whole, well my my whole I guess.

But see there I am wondering and wanting approval, I want some kind of okay for my performances, or just ayt least for me... working at the has been my hardest challenge as late and hopefully it will pay off... obviously because I am not always the most interesting thing to talk about.

U.A.S.

 

[UnderAShadow]

and there it is

well since this seems to help some people, i think ill give it a try.

im an actor of improv. im what i would like to think as a strong player. good. weakness is im afriad of not pleasing the people i play with. i see so much talent but im afraid that i may be too over zealous. i try real hard to make friends and keep them as mine.

now that we have a bunch of new members i feel like i can not get along with all of them. they have a long form view on short form. i feel short form is 90% entertainment 10% skill. they think the other way. i dunno.

i have felt so gone from improv because i cant play with people i enjoy playing with. i know that sounds selfish, but o well. even my best friend seems to not even respect nor like me anymore. that hurts so bad. i have been through tons with him and now he seems like almost to good for me.

im taking a big leave from it. improv i mean. i get upset beacuase it used to be so fun. no it seems like a job. everyone talks shit. even me, but not on there personallity. i dont hurt. do I???????

if i come back im gonna bring the thunder like i did before. ill be the perfect improv player. ill do everything right. ill make everyone look good. ill never break any rules. ill be the back up man and the set up man more then twice a night. everyone of my fellow actors will like me and think im the shit. and ........................... SCENE!

hell who am i kidden, im not that great. im just tired. ya know.... tired.

 

[UnderAShadow]

confusion

Ok so i am not the user underashadow. im his brother. i couldnt set up a name so i used his. please understand i am someone else. i am Steve Uribe. I am an actor from Quick Wits.

today i did some more thinking. i thought of all the great times i have had with improv. God i love it. it is my mistress in life. i am married to normacy, but improv, she is a cruel seductive lady.

i remember getting butterflies before a show for 10 people. i realized i wasnt for 60 anymore. what happen. i thought when i got in a slump like this i would do what i always did. try changing everything bout me on stage. it worked. or did work. it dont no more. why? is it that i have burnt myself out by not letting myself burn out before? damn where is the improv god to answer these? why cant i get over it? am i being lame?

also i need to confess something. I HAVE AN EGO!!! why is that so bad? i feel guilty for havin one. why? i would always say that you needed one to be an actor, but latley i have been on a huge guilt trip. i feel im good. is that wrong? out of all the actors on stage in utah, i would put myself in the top 5. is that bad? damnit!!!!

i have put so much time and energy into what i do, but i feel like there will end up being a fight if i go back. this guy, we will call him herman. herman is a bitch. :flip: herman thinks he is this big bad ass and we all hate it. at least i do. i want to punch him. i want to hit him so hard that he realizes that i am vauleable. i want him to realize that im one of the crowd bringers. i work a crowd so good, i could get them to laugh at any joke. i could stand there and make them roll. i could slip something so subtle that 10 minutes later they will giggle to themselves beacuse they finally got it. so fuck you herman fuck you!!!!!!!!! im great your not. you.......you....... whewwwww.............and SCENE!








in all reality we are on big improv show, and you gotta know what games to play.

 

[UnderAShadow]

wow

today im doing a performance at off the wall. a great theatre that i have one of the best improv players there. Austin Nava. I respect him so much.

today he offered me a pretty important spot at another theatre that is opening in salt lake. Cool huh. he said he caught wind that im quitting improv. That makes me feel good. That he cares about me. I feel all good inside.

am i quitting. Im not sure. but i know one thing, this changes some of the way i feel. I guess you could say that this has been the thing to maybe pull me back in. Thank you austin.

but im gonna go and watch a quick wit show. Why? I dunno just wanna see what it is from the audience. if herman says shit to me, im gonna walk away. remember herman, the guy i wanna........ nevermind im happy today.



improv is a buffet table, sometimes you want one plate. other times you want it all!

 

[UnderAShadow]

off the wall

yesterday i remembered why i love improv. i did a show at off the wall, a place ran by three good people. Austin nava is kinda the leader.

anyways i was on a team with him and adam. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! i love theses guys and it showed. we were on fire. we have group mind like a mutha. we knew what was gonna be needed from each of us to be succesful. we rocked the house. we brought the thunder and boy was it great.

the other team had great moments as well. times were they were completly in sync.

then we did a long form that was fun but dragged during the begining. it was fun none the less.

Then i went and had after show dinner with a couple actors. There is this one that is so damn cool. i have played on stage with him once before during a long form. we talked and had a great time. Jarky is one of the coolest guys in the world.

Austin has helped me som much get through this rut so far. he makes me feel valueable. and thats what i like.


opinions are like butthole everyones stink errrrrr has one........ i forget it.

 

[UnderAShadow]

the big debate

and there one side stands firm on the fact that its over. he gives you the perfect reasons why to just say your goodbyes and walk the hell away. But then the one who stood there for so long with just the look in his eyes as his point, looks again. this time though he says "Dont".

i try to think which one will pull out the victory but then again i am scared. if side a wins then i might say what if for the rest of my life. if side b wins i might be more upset with my decision and be upset. where does it end?!?

so i am so excited for this off the wall pickle company thing. it sound fun and worry free. but so did everything i ever started. that got me to thinking something. here it is:
when we were young nothing had worries, why? we did not care of the consequence, why? because the only thing we cared about was fun.

FUN! fuck its been so long since i remember doing this for just fun. so to be more kiddish on stage is going to help, why? so that i can make poop poo pee pee jokes, no! so i do not care about what happens.

i think that this weekend will be my last time playing at my home stage for the rest of october. maybe taking this month off will help me miss it. and god do i miss it. i watched snipetts of the shows saturday and i wish i was up there.

I love the stage. i will return when i feel better!





life is a terminal illness, improv is the clown that comes to your bedside and makes you forget about death.

 

[UnderAShadow]

there it was

so i played all four this last weekend. god it was faboulus. i loved it.
we played lots of good games and i think that every audience member had fun. it was cool.

i think that by taking the rest of the month off i will miss it and come back swingin.

i know i have a few things to work on this time though. my ego. this weekend made me feel it alot. 1 shows crowd was not feelin the show at first so i got affended. my ego kicked in and said that they were just stupid. so then after the show i thought "god was i an ass!" the crowd is never stupid. i know this but lost it due to fatigue and just plain nerves.

next i will work on sharing the stage. all to often i take command because it feels right. my ego helps because it tells me i have enough to help somebody, add, justify, throw in my own stuff, and make someone else look super funny. sure it is cool, but this weekend i realized that maybe that isnt always right. but holy cow it is so hard to play in a scene that goes in wrong direction.

I AM SO FREAKIN EGO-IZED!!!!!!

i just made that up. it means i feel to good bout myself. usually when this happens something puts me in check. one time i picked a character and did the worst i ever did on stage. i changed it. i said i had to go as character A, then came out as character B! wow was i feeling back to where i needed to be. JUST THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE.

lately though i have felt that there is no scene that will defeat me. no character that i cant run with. no head to head i cant rock. no show i wont tear them up.

so there is only one of two things: 1- I am one of THE best improvisers in utah, or 2- I AM FULL OF SHIT!

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????



thinking outside the box is now thinking inside the box, so to think inside the box would mean you are thinking outside of the box!

 

[UnderAShadow]

lesser of the two evils

"boy im thirsty."

as the ice cold water hits the back of my dry throat one thing come to mind. what a great character. dry itchy throat guy.

walking down the stairs to my bedroom, my hand slides against the wooden banister and get so hot that i remove them from it, and i think what would be the slogans for a wooden banister. "cuz when ure girlfriend just wont do."

crawling into my warm bed i feel hecklers standing at the edge of the bed and im setting them up for the best game of hecklers ive ever heard.

then BAM!!!!! i realize that this is me. you can not walk away from the very thing that gives you the pleasure in life. there are so many things that control me. i had just had the biggest wake up call in my life at 3 in the morning.

i play video games, i act as other characters, and do improv for one reason: TO BE THE REAL ME!!!

i control my life in these very things. no one can tell me im going to jail, pay this amount of money, why arent you working, are you comfortable with your position in life????????

NO !!!!!!!!!

uke: :mope:
sometimes you wish that a scene you played is real. that is who you really are. and no one can touch you. nobody.

i miss my friends at the theatre. i miss the feeling of being with my family. i see it like this: i went to the store and got lost on the way, but had a cell phone. now they finally helped me back home. the only thing that scares me is what if they dont need me back? :nervous:

my brother has a fire in his eyes and i see it. i think im going to help him be the best damn improver in the world. im going to make everyone feel that way. im going to be that guy that makes everyone feel the way i wish i did.

im not saying i have a horrible life, but one of my biggest fears is coming true------- I WILL NOT BECOME SOMETHING VAULABLE!

:mope: i feel like crying tonight.





i am a package of chicken flavored top ramen. improv is the boiling water that makes me feel worth something. even if its only for three minutes.

 

[UnderAShadow]

where is everybody

i miss my old friends. there was a time where four of us ruled improv at quickwits. me, fro guy, buff guy, and hot guy. we were the best damn performers ever. we worked great on stage together. because we hung out all the time. now those four pieces hardly ever match up anymore.

the only time we ever get back together is at non improv times. i mean fro guy is pretty much gone. buff guy is leaving, and hot guy is mad at me i think.

i like pot. so what! it has never came between me and my friends. but hot guy hates it. plus i feel like he just doesnt try anymore. he gave up on quickwits i think. see i have to guess everything cuz im lost when it comes to him. is it really my bad? did i lose him and now its to late?

i loved all three of those cats. they are my brothers. but now i feel like distance cousins.




i am two pieces of bread, butter, and a slice of cheese. improv is the pan that makes me look good.

 

[UnderAShadow]

cloud nine

we will be the bosses.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me and adam are going to run this ship round the world. we are the most unstoppable duo since shaq and kobe, tim and david, hitler and mouslinni. ok the last one was abad example but you get my point.

we are all set to just be the improv daddys to sum cats now and im super stoked. cuz we rock apart. and together we will form some kind of super human with improv powers that can not be stopped by any one.

can you tell that im boiling with good vibes. if one could boil with such a thing.

on a personal note. talking of times past made me realize that i will never have as much fun as i did in 12th grade. and not for the school part. so much good things happened that will never happen again and it just so happen to be the greatest time of my life.

but,
i think that now me old doc holliday are together again tombstone will be ours.




i am an old 1990 mitsubishi eclipse with a broken tail light, life is a road that has old scenic trees all over, and improv is the high octane 91 gas that gets me there........................................ unless my alternater goes out. then improv is the tow truck that gets me there............................................unless i have no money for the tow truck. then improv is the 50 cents i have to call my friend to come get me.........................................................unless i have no money then, and only then, in certian strokes of luck I AM IMPROV!

 

[UnderAShadow]

something big is ahead

life has slowed down lately. which means one thing, something big is going to happen.

im not sure what but it feels like it. plus all this shit that is going on it feels like a prelude to something huge. here, here is the list.

adam and i will be running a theatre,
austin is leaving to north carolina,
joe maybe be done for good,
larry walked out of a show,
bob turned down the offer of being the man at our theatre,
my unemployment is almost gone,
cant find a job,
and improv is now all over the place.

see so much, whats next?

well to improv, i did all four this weekend. the greatest part was i played with adam. sure it was only one show, but when i do it exceeds all other things.

well friday austin was there with adam and they watched the show. that is so damn hard playing in front of them. they are the two biggest idles i have and they are watching me. CRAZY!

well with the 14th coming quick i have so much in my head. me an adam will achieve greatness, but at what costs? i have a bad feeling that we might end up hurting some friendships by not inviting certain people to play. the problem is not that i want all great people, but i want to put on a quality show.

to the dictators goes the decisions, and if i feel like certain people cant put on quality show then i dont want you up there. if cp have a hard time playing with other people then i dont want you up there. and if cp cant have fun the you will never be up there.

im so excited, but also a little scared. i like my friends, but some of my friends are not the best of improv actors. god that sucks to say, but thats how i feel. cocky? naw just looking out for our theatre.

if i could put one show together it would be the show i would retire after. it would be a little something like this:

austin nava
adam rossander
matt speer
jeese parent
troy taylor
paul wineberger
steve uribe

they all taught me something about improv, and myself.


well im out. well talk after friday.................. the next chapter in a crazy book.




i look at myself as a regular joe that has feelings. sometimes i hate that man, other times i wish i could help him, but he just wont listen.

 

[UnderAShadow]

wow

as we held hands and took a bow, i thought, "holy shit!"

in the top ten of all time fun i have had on stage with a group of people. it was fun. i was jarky would not leave. i think me and this kid could be awesome together. oh well i guess. ill make the best of what time there is.

anyways we had a great show. not a lot of people, but i thought it was awesome. they were tough on themselves, which i dont understand. they laughed, we had fun, and no one felt left out. awesome to me.

me and the manager of quickwits had words in which we ended it with nothing more then respect for each other. it was fun. i like doing that every once in a while.

on a personal note, i am scared lately of life. there is so much on my plate and im not hungry. i feel so overwhelmed that i take myself to a special place and play stupid. somethings gonna give. what? i wish i knew.

i feel out of it. i will post sayurday with a more me attitude. im just worried. ever feel like you wanna run away for awhile and just show back up? i do.




he lied to my face. i believed him because he looked sincere. you bastard! fuck you and the way you think you can maniuplate me. i dont wanna look at you anymore! leave.-so i turn the bathroom light off and walk away from the mirror-

 

[UnderAShadow]

bend or break

cold sweat hit me like the time i went to jail for pot.

he was sounding like he had took my feelings and said i dont give a fuck! sure i have been away but i was busy trying to make sure that other people were happy. so it sounded like he was going to end my run in a race that i finally started to win.

i really respect him. the only problem is that he is in a postion of power. something inside me says, "question him." what a rebel huh? well anyways it leads out to be a situation that sounded like he had enough. scared the shit out of me. sure i act like i dont like anything he says, but i question to understand. i do it in a fashion that sounds dickheadish. but i mean no harm.

i told him that i play a mental game with him because i like it. he makes me think in a way that i like. i feel i do the same to him, but i think that he is done playing. i think he feels i just want to bring negativity to his place, but i dont. if he could see my position in life. even if his is harder, i would still like him to pretend.

anyways, me and my bestfriend are reaching that comfort level again i like. i thought i had fucked it up and our last otw show. but it ended up being a misunderstanding of the situation. ALLLLRIGHT!!!

im reaching a place that i like in improv. characters come to me like in a second. i know everything bout them before they do. im flowing in and out of my scenes with my partners. i feel like i have reached a happy place and now wanna share it all the time.

on a sad note. some of my favorite actors are leaving before i ever get to be happy with our playing. jarky, what a fuckin guy. i think we play the same. we both like to have fun and just go with it. you know the flow. he is so fuckin cool. i already love him. austin, damn him and his motivation. lol, hes gonna be huge one day. i know it. he is so good at what he does that it makes me feel like i cant even hang with him. maybe he will come back and we will open a place and then rule the world!!!! ha ha ha.

my dream would be to move to california, i would bring two people with me and we would open a place and live together. we would hit all styles of comedy. with austins will and motivation, adam and his teaching and ways of enchanting people around him, and my style of............. i could do shit too! we would rock!




im a blunt person so if i ever offend you............... good fuck you!

 

[UnderAShadow]

hold on

so i am going to get a little theoritacal and shit. bear with me.

everything in life almost feels forced. not all the time but, it surely can catch up with you hella quick and then make you its bitch. all my fears are realized on stage and then a set of new ones are dealt to me as if i am playing a game of cards and gettin low on chips. all my fun in life is sucked out as i take the bow and then givin back as i wake up the next morning.

only one problem......... i feel like time is ticking down. almost like a bomb of some sort. i only catch small glimpses of it and when i turn to see it, its gone. i have done some bad things in my life and now like a sinner i am sorry for them when the consequences are in my face. i only hope that the thing that happens is not to hard on us, or you, or me.

i have lived for 20 years in which only the last 5 have made me happy. it feels like someone is tapping me on the shoulder and telling me its time to go. where i go is a place i am not sure of. somewhere my life is controlled perhaps, a place where i controll things, or maybe i go nowhere. nowhere.... hmmm, i think thats what i am afraid of.

i hate not knowing things. i hate having the feeling of stupidity. i know some say that it is my fault for the thing i choose to know, but i know only a few things and they are unbreakable.

for instance i care so much for the people around me. i would not take the world just to break one bond that i have made. and that brings me to the light spot on my dark canvas. Jeremy, angie, mandy, josh, kyle, kelley, joe, paul, kayla, dustin, heather, chicken, austin, and adam. these are what help me. and for them i would die! to some power, to some money, and to others its where you end up. but these people make me feel like i could be a bum and die a rich man.





why?

 

[UnderAShadow]

my mecca of short form

:bleagh: holy shit! :bleagh:

so a man named ben porter calls me and says i was one of the best short formers he has ever seen. crazy huh?

well anyways we get to talkin and he wants to start scheduling me at OBT!!!! this is the place that when i began improv, was a place i considered as the holy temple. they have great crowds, and usually sell out their seats. they have some of the funniest short formers in utah. and he wants ME to apart of that. WOW!!!

i cant believe it. almost 4 years after beginning improv i feel like i may be getting somewhere in the state prospective. maybe it means nothing big to anyone else, but i feel so stoked. i cant even express how it made me feel to have him say he thinks i fit right in there. he was saying that he was telling all the guys there of this tatooed kid that was funny as hell. WOW!!!

now i will be apart of to great things. OTW, and OBT!!! i will still do quickwits, but i feel the burden of non-existince rolling into clearfield. i cant believe as one door closes, a bigger one opens.

i will go there and tear it up like i know how to. then when i get a little lead way, i am going to try to bring some of my people down. adam, possibly bob, and maybe even some others.

As the clouds got thick, and the sun went down, i feel as if maybe i spoke to soon. i know that they are not as glorious in some eyes, but in mine i feel like i have just been called by the pope and he told me he wants me to go there and have sex with him. WOW!!!

so in closing i just feel wonderful. maybe i am as funny as i thought!!!






close your eyes and think of something hateful....................... when you open your eyes............ look in the mirror and laugh. if you can laugh in the face of hatred , then it is easier to forget it................then you can go out and have fun.

 

[UnderAShadow]

without someone?

i asked myself a question today. would i go without someone?

no. i love everyone. i would not leave them for the world. which i feel is being handed to me at obt. but i do know this, the first time it gets in my way of being with my friends, i will be done there until my friends are feeling better.

they matter the most to me.

this weekend i am forced to play without some of my favorites. austin is not playing, bob-o is not playing, adam is not playing. with me anyways.
so i will play this one show and go off on it.

i will never forget. i will never move on without. i will never just ride off.








time is ticking. i can hear it. jesus christ i hate it. i wish it would stop.

 

[UnderAShadow]

its all over

so as he told us that he was finished trying, i thought to myself, :bleagh:

over the time that i had called this place my home i have made so many wonderful friends. i have done so many wonderful shows. i have just been the guy that goes out on a regular basis and tears shit up. there were about 4 of us that did that. then it was three. then it was two.

we had done what every good player does for his home team. we hit the homeruns, made the great double plays, we lead our team to the the playoffs every year. we just couldnt ever win the big one. BUT, we still showed our fans that we cared and did our duty. we tipped our cap and took it for granted.

am i sad that it is gone? no. because i know that i will carry with me the friends i have made. so i will not miss the friends. i will carry with me the things i have learned from the old place. so i will not miss the knowledge. BUT, i do feel bad for the stage. it was my teacher. it was my father that at times taught me lessons by just throwing in the water and yelling at me SWIM! i feel bad because in a year what will it become? will someone kill it by ripping it down? will they see it as stage that has lived a life of show? or will it sit by its self in a place of forever guilt? for it could not take us to the world series, but it sure as hell tried. it tried. :blank:

well the clock finally stopped ticking. i was arrested on thursday. i went to go cash a check, and i was caught. so finally it happened. as i thought of so many times it played out almost as i had dreamed of it. the only difference this time then from my dreams was................

i callled my judge in fillmore(the one that gave me probation for having pot in my car and driving on suspended liscence)and he said everything was alright. no jail for six months. no worries at all. ALRIGHT!!!.

as the events have unfolded this month it seems as if it were a timeline that has worked out in my favor. first i find out i go to OBT. then the home closes. then i get arrested. then the judge says it is cool. see my favor.

but, now my only worry is that bountiful will close. i never thought that me and adam would run a place together, but we do. and now because crowds are small, i heard rumors that we may be on our last good leg. and that leg aint even good.

i am afraid that if it does close then me and adam will grow apart. see he has a girlfriend who, for the first time i see things working out for him, but he has this group of high school kids that are really important to him. i am not jealous at all, but they all look up to him and now with quickwits closing he has more time to try and focus on them.

they are nice kids, but adam is starting to change a little. he will always be my brother, but with this transition phaze, i want him to know that OBT will not be set before him. the most important thing in my improv life is that of OTW. NOT OBT.

well i have gone on to long. so that is it for now. LATE





when the forecast is stormy for the week, call the weather guy and tell him to fuck off, "we's dont get rain round here!"