Strange Ramblings

[anthelion]

hey all, well i figure i might as well get the preliminaries out of the way. I live in Australia (all my life) Western Australia, which is no, not near Canberra, and nor is it near Sydney (yes folks, there is more to Australia than Canberra and Sydney). Yes we have kangaroos, and koalas. Neither run riots on our streets, they do not live in our backyards or in our houses. I do live near a city, about a 20min drive away, but yes there is bushland near where i live and i do believe there are kangaroos and various other species of "native australian" wildlife inhabiting it. Lets see, i probably do talk with an accent similar to Russell Coyte's or.. Steve Irwin's (the crocodile catching dude) but no, most of us don't say "gday mate" or whatever.. hello is quite suitable thank you very much, and no, we don't wrestle crocodiles. Not often at least Well this journal is just for me to crap on to myself mainly about things i find odd and what not, and at least this way i have some record of what i was going through at a particular time, so i can look back on it and know that, hey i did go through that experience, and therefore that helped me become the person i am today, thats important to me. I'm one of those people who belive that every experience you've been through helps u adapt and change, and evolve into the person you are now, and without all those little experiences you wouldn't be the same. So i tend not to regret anything, i would really hate to regret something as it would mean that theres something i wish i could change within myself, in order to make myself better. But that would mean i'm not the best person i can be now.. and what a confusing loop that would become! anyway, i somehow think that this journal is meant to be a lot more interesting and a lot more... something... (that special quality) i think i've bored enough of you to tears reading this by now i'll go and think of witty comments and remarks to astound you all with next time.

 

[anthelion]

Bus Etiquette

Ok, now there are a few things that make me tend to annoy me, and one of these things is the violation of any codes of Bus Etiquette. Bus Etiquette (as i'm sure your all well aware) is what you do (or do not do) on a.. bus! This morning i had to catch a bus into town, and i don't know what your public transport system is like where your from, but let me outline the basic situation of mine. I wanted to go into town, about a 15minute bus ride. Firstly, i looked at bus times, i discovered that my bus ran every hour and a half. I then attempted to use the website (that good old John Howard suggested, in order to replace BUS TIMETABLES) i used a little thing called "Journey Planner" i put in where i wanted to go (Bus station B) from where i wanted to catch the bus from (Bus station A) and what time i wanted to be there (12.30pm) i ended up at:
a) at bus station A, but at 3am the following morning
b) bus station A, but in order to get there i had to catch 2 buses, a train, walk 3.5km and then catch another bus
c) Bus station C where i apparently can walk through several buildings, skyscrapers and accross a river to get to bus station A
d) in a place called "Woop Woop" which, may i point out, is in another state entirely. (Yes, Woop Woop actually exists)
and the answer is.. (as i'm sure your all waiting on the edge of your seats..) ALL OF THE ABOVE, yes, each time i used the "journey planner" it kindly planned a differant journey each time. How novel.
But now, away from the joys of attempting to use the public transport system, and onto the system itself. the bus i caught had some really interesting people on it. The Cat Lady (as she is now called) was attempting to carry a rather large, awfully fat and somewhat bald.. cat onto the bus. The bus driver kindly told her that she could not do this. The Cat Lady went slightly crazy, put her cat down outside the bus, got on the bus, and proceeded to talk to her cat for the rest of the bus trip. Interesting.
But now, the rules of Bus Etiquette
-When riding on a bus, if there is a spare seat anywhere on the bus, sit there first. Do not, on any circumstance sit next to a person, stand rather than do this
-In getting a seat on a bus, there is no pecking order, you are completely within your rights to fight off Small Children and Little Old Ladies, however, be warned, Little Old Ladies usually carry Large Heavy Handbags.
-Do not strike up a conversation with anyone, if your forced to sit next to them. They do not care that your auntie berta baked great macadamia and banana muffins before she went senile and you had to lock her up in your attic. I also promise you that they do not care that the cream your doctor gave you for your rash is really doing wonders.
-If you sleep on a bus, avoid nodding off so that your face ends up in your "next door neighbours" cleavage. She (or he) will not be pleased.
-Do not eat cheese on a bus. Ever.
-If its currently 13 degrees, and you open every window on the bus, do not expect to be looked favourably upon by your bus colleagues. We resent the fact that we have to be up at that hour, we further resent the fact that we are on a BUS at that hour, and you opening windows is just plain nasty.

Now for the types of people you tend to find on buses
-The Single Mum: The single mum is always carrying shopping, children's toys, bottles, nappies and large bags. She is identifiable by the dark circles under her eyes, her untidy hair, and extremely sensible clothing, not to mention the four children under the age of 6 trying to hold onto her pants. Do not annoy the single mum, she's likely to kill as she's probably already been thrown up on at least twice, has had to change a few smelly nappies, and probably hasn't had a decent night's sleep since 1543.
-The Business Man: The business man is dressed in a suit and tie, has his hair neatly combed, and is wearing sunglasses. He is usually carrying a briefcase. The Business man is always talking on his cell phone, usually to someone called Dave (about the stock market) Arnie (About the wife and kids) or Chloe (Who should stop by after work..). The business man is capable of giving a withering stare that could turn your hair purple and your tonsils green. However, he is unlikely to engage in any conversation with you, or notice your existence in general.
The Homies: The homies are identifiable by the pants that are barely hanging in there, the coloured material tied about there heads (tending to cut off circulation to the brain) and the way there are always at least 5 of them, and they all look exactly the same. If you ever try to converse with this breed, your unlikely to understand the dialogue that is sent your way. It usually consits of something along the lines of "wasup mah mayne man yo?" or any amount of sexual and racial slurs punctuated by "yo, man or chikkit".
The Little Old Lady: The Little Old Lady will sit next to you, have white permed hair, be wearing an old loose dress, and be dragging some kind of Large Heavy Handbag. She will always ask you the time, about the weather, or talk absentmindedly about political events (such as john howard's eyebrows, they should have there own public holidays). The Little Old Lady will try and show you pictures of her grandchildren, and talk about how they never visit her anymore (at this point, you will sympathise entirely with her grandchildren).

Well, this is the end of my little rant about public transport. If you want to try out the "Journey Planner" go to
http://www.transperth.wa.gov.au
It's a whole load of fun.

 

[anthelion]

Tim Tam Sundae.. mmm

Even though i've only been writing here for a few days, i've been "hanging around" reading everyone elses journals for awhile. I'm only bringing this up because i feel a bit guilty at reading their journals (i know its illogical, but i still feel guilty about it) having this insight into other people's lives, there most.. inner thoughts and.. situations that effect them and the people they love the most, well needless to say its gobsmacking to someone like myself. The bravery.. i suppose is the word i'm looking for, and the strength that a lot of people show when writing their entries is really heart warming. Reading some of the journals around this place (such as Gypsy's Ramblings of a Single Mum and another one whose name i have oh so kindly forgotten) is just really touching, i know that writing things, or telling people your feelings is meant to help you deal with a situation better, but the strength it must take to write some of those entries is up.. well i don't know the word i'm looking for here, and i think i'm just getting all mushy. The point of the past very badly written paragraph, is to say that i admire the strength of especially Gypsy, (and another one.. i'm sorry!) and i just can't imagine how it would feel to write something so deeply personal. But anyway, enough of this.. i'm going soft in my "old age" i'm telling you.

Anyway i head a fairly good riddle the other day, i thought it was quite cute.. so i'm going to share it with you:
"Always comes, yet is always to be, Noone ever saw me, nor they ever will. Yet i am the hope of all who live and breathe on the terrestrial plane.-What am i?"
your going to have to stay tuned for the answer folks
And now, i will share a very very lame joke with you..
There are these two sausages in a pan, the first sausage turns to the other sausage and says "God it's hot in here!" the other sausage turns to the first sausage and says "OH MY GOD! A TALKING SAUSAGE!"
hahahaha, oh so lame, but so pathetically funny.
ok ok, i've regained control of myself now. i won't torture you further. i'm currently eating a vanilla icecream tim tam sundae thing. one word for you: yum. Admittedly i'm going to have to run this off soon, if i ever want to wear something other than a potatoe sack. But, for all of you tim tam/chocolate lovers.. what you do, is get some vanilla icecream, and some tim tams. You take one or two tim tams, a little milk, and microwave it till it goes mushy, you then mix the melted tim tam with the hot milk, so its like a paste. You put some vanilla icecream in a bowl, pour the tim tam paste over it, and chop up some tim tams and put them on top. You then proceed to eat this until you want to be sick. Unless of course you have mastered the art of self control... unlike me.
But for now i must be off. theres a tim tam sundae waiting, and its got my name on it.

 

[anthelion]

Rant on Religion

Hello again ladies and gents, due to the small hurricane like wind blowing around outside i have taken refuge on the computer. I was listening to the tv today, and i heard a story about a muslim woman who conceived a child out of wedlock (willingly or unwillingly, noone knows) and is going to be half buried, and then stoned to death for this crime. She still has one chance to appeal the courts decision, but obviously, her chances are fairly slim. It is because of her religion that she wil face this outcome.. I always considered the Christian faith to be one of vindictiveness, and hypocritical beliefs ie: "Ultimate forgiving, Pray to God and He will forgive u etc etc" and this (as a Christian myself) had always confused me as a child. If God was so forgiving, why did he throw Adam and Eve out of the garden of Eden? and if God created the world why did He put the snake in the garden in order to tempt Adam and Eve? i was always told that God had to teach Adam and Eve not to give in to temptation, and that temptation was a part of life, and therefore you must learn to resist it. Obviouisly this confused me more.. why did God create temptation? so we would be led astray? or so we would prove our faith to him by not being led astray. It seemed like an awfully complicated concept to me. The Christian faith is filled with contradictions and confusing puzzles such as this one. Not easy for a child to learn or even begin to comprehend. But these little things seem to pale in comparison to the muslim woman's cause. She has been given no chance of proving her innocence, never asked the circumstances surrounding the childs conception, and will more than likely be stoned to death before she has the opportunity, as her religion dictates the laws that her people follow. I'm just astounded that people.. now.. can still hold onto this blind faith in religion. I know millions of people do, but maybe i've allowed my existence to become to cushioned, and to out of touch, i had honestly never realised that a husband, a community, sons and daughters would enforce this law (spurred by religion) upon their loved one. This concept is totally foreign to me.

But anyway, i'll move off that subject now. I have no idea how something like that effected me so deeply, usually i can put such things down to the ignorance of the human race or something equally petty. Now as i'm sure you've all been waiting anxiously for.. the answer to yesterdays riddle. And the answer is.. *dadada* "Tomorrow". Yes, do you feel cheated now? I have another riddle.. as u can tell i rather like them. "The beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of the end, and at the end of every place." I also have a lame joke to counter all the heavy stuff i've been going on about
There are these 3 guys drinking at a cliff top bar, and the first guy says to the other 2 guys "You know, i bet if i had another beer i could fly" he proceeds to drink another beer, then they all head out onto the cliff, and the first guy jumps off the cliff and starts to hurtle to the ground, then, amazingly, he starts to fly back up, he lands safely next to the other two guys. The second guy says to the first guy, "I bet if i had another beer i could do that to" the three guys go back into the bar, where the second guy drinks another beer, and then the three guys go back out onto the cliff, where the second launches himself off the edge and then hurtles into the ground below. The third guy then says to the first guy "Superman, you can be a real jerk when your drunk."

 

[anthelion]

Why are the biggest arguements over something so incredibally petty? I remember all my arguements (especially the ones with my mother) and they all started off with something incredibally petty. My mother tends to infuriate me. She has all the qualities that i dislike in a person, rolled up into one. But obviously i love, because she's my mother. She's one of those people who refuses to compromise. Obviously this creates conflict between us because im exactly the same. I know as a kid i was always incredibally in awe of her, i mean she was everything i wanted to be, but as you get older i think you tend to strip away that image you build up of what a parents should be.. and start to realise that you're idealistic, naive and easily led. Oh the joys of growing up. I know its a very typically way off seeing things, but i really do (i don't want to use the word blame here) attribute.. a lot of my dislikes and prejudices to my mother. My dislike of the police perhaps.. i hate the police, i know its a gross generalisation, but i have never met a nice policeman/policewoman in my life. Whenever my parents had an arguement, and the neighbours would very kindly call the police, the police would turn up and tell my mother she should take her kids and leave my father. The police obviously saw this as the logical solution to everyones problems. I used to hate my mother for never leaving my father. I could never understand why she would stay with him, when he hurt her (and us) so badly. She would always promise she'd get some money together and leave him. She actually did once, i don't know what happened but it lasted about a week, and then she went back to him. I understand now that lack of money is the main reason why she never left him. That and a hope that things would finally come good i suppose. Well that used to be the reason. Now the reason is that we're all just too tired (emotionally, and physically) to summon the kind of strength that we would need to do that. I used to think myself very illogical for all the things i dislike, seemingly without cause. I hate alcohol, i hate the smell of it, i hate the taste of it, i hate how it makes people act. I like the way it cushions you though, everything seems to much more surreal, and not there i suppose. I like that. I hate when people yell, to be honest it scares the *&%$ out of me. I think if somethings worth arguing about, you don't volume to do it. I believe an arguement should be a battle of points and facts. I know an arguement over beliefs is pointless. I hate crying, i hate the way it seems to expose everything, and how you feel when you cry. I hate letting those emotions take control, i'd rather bottle it all up and have an emotional breakdown when i'm 40 or something. I also don't know what to do when someone else cries. What are you meant to say? "It'll be allright"? of course it won't be allright, whats the point of saying something if it isn't true? and when you both know its a lie. I hate futility, i need to believe and know that theres a purpose in everything i do, even just a small not really important purpose, a purpose nontheless. I hate weakness, (you may have gathered that) i hate being weak. I know i could never have a life partner who was weak, it would drive me insane. I'm also afraid of the dark, probably stemming from when i was little, and my dad used to lock me in a dark room and i'd cry because i was afraid. I hate being afraid, i hate admitting i'm afraid, although i know my limitations i hate knowing that i can't push them (that sentence made very little sense, i'm prefectly aware of that). I suppose writing all this down seems pointless to you, but to me it helps me understand myself. I believe that if i can't understand myself, i can't expect anyone to understand me in the slightest, and i also can't understand them. I believe that you can identify qualities that you posess, in other people. After all this, i suppose my biggest fear is being trapped. I never, ever want to be trapped the way my mother is. Trapped inside fear, trapped inside a violent and generally awful marriage, fearing for my kids safety (not that i have kids). I know i want kids eventually, but only if i find a man (yes i'm female, i can't remember if i've told you that yet) who will treat me and our kids as we deserve to be treated. Good luck to him, i've dated a few guys, and i always manage to find something wrong with them, i mean most of them are nice (theres been a few exceptions to that) but.. they all lack something i need. I know i'm incredibally insecure, and i must be one of the hardest people to love. Maybe i'm too, wrapped up in myself i guess. I never want to hurt anyone, but i know that i will, so my mode of thinking is, its just better to break things off now before things get to serious. Hahaha, me serious? almost an oxymoron. You may have noticed how i tend to include a lame joke at the end of every post. Thats because i believe its better to laugh than to cry and there are times when you just have to do one of the other (sometimes both) or you'll go totally nuts (more so in my case). I find humour a great emotional outlet, but i know it doesn't work for all situations. I guess thats also why i'm keeping this journal. Just talking about all this stuff has made me incredibally tense. I need a goodlooking, intelligent guy to come in and give me a nice shoulder massage Am i asking so much? hehehe. I actually feel better having said all this stuff now. Ahh the relief (short lived as it may be).
And the answer to yesterdays riddle is *dadada* The letter "E". Yes yes, i'm brilliant i know (And so modest!)
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a software problem.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
Q: How many Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
Gotta love those light bulb jokes

 

[anthelion]

Hello again.
I haven't posted anything due to lack of stuff happening. I've been so tired and bored lately i decided i'm going to pick up a few hobbies. I don't know quite what yet.. but something! I hate that feeling when your so bored you don't want to do anything. Its like your bored beyond the point of boredom. I took up running a few weeks ago. That lasted all of about a week. I ran 1 kilometre every night. I did that until the creeps living around me started hanging around outside there houses until i came past and then attempting to talk me into coming into their houses. Too bad i'm about 1/3 of there age, and have more self respect. I dislike how men (say about 45) try to think they can pick me up. Seriously, what are they thinking? (here's a clue, i'm under the age of 20) anyway.. i really don't have a lot to talk about, just felt like babbling as per usual.
so i shal go now. But not before a lame joke. Did you hear about the two blondes who walked into the bank?? you would have thought one of them would have seen it. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them of course :loopy:
hehe.. sorry

 

[anthelion]

Hey again, been lazy.. again.
No but really, i'm now trying to avoid the tv, i really really don't want to hear more about the "bali thing" i mean sure it was upsetting at first, but i don't want to see those images.. over .. and over.. and over. It's a bit crazy, why keep showing the same awful footage? What's the point? it's not doing anyone any good. Oh, and i know you americans probly won't have seen it, but on the news tonight, after a grim, shocking death toll report for us Aussies (all blown up in bali) the next article of news was a muslim activist living in WA (where i live) commending the attack and saying he'd do the same thing. Oh the common sense of the reporter people!
But anyway, i really shouldn't be here, i should be preparing for my exams. Hahaha.. a month till they start, the whole "deciding your future" pressure is pretty heavy. Considering we're all quite young, to making these kinds of decisions.. i think we all deserve some kind of emotional/nervous breakdown in 20 years. If i fail my exams and therefore screw my future its your fault. No i'm only kidding, i'm not too worried about exams, Literature and Chemistry are the ones i'm most worried over. The rest will be fine.... i hope..... *sigh*
I better go.. not to study or anything, to watch tv. Becker's on.

 

[anthelion]

........<<.........>>...........

Well i got a job today. So now in addition to studying i'll be working and doing all the other assorted things i do.. ugh.. i dunno, the idea of the money is nice, bu the fact i have to be somewhere, doing something at a particular time, and have people who can tell me what to do.. is kind of annoying. Especially as one of my managers has had some enormous crush on me for the past year. No kidding. He lacks the self confidence to say anything about it, but you can kinda tell. The whole place knows, and now that i'm working there.. well.. things should be interesting. I never thought i'd say this, but i'm so glad he lacks the self confidence to say anything to me about the way he feels. Ordinarily i try to encourage a "I'll at least consider dating you" attitude. But in this case?? no. No i don't think so.
On the bonus side, i'll now have a very small income, and i get to go shopping for "work clothes" those being black pants and a white shirt.. original isn't it. No but it could be worse, the fact that theres an actual length ur nails can't be over, there is a list of the names and brands of nailpolish/lipstick/eyeshadow that you can't wear, theres a regulation length of pants/skirts (and if you were a skirt, you have to wear stockings, but only the type they deem suitable). Oh the individuality.

Lately i've been studying a so called "Dystopian" (as in the opposite of Eutopian) novel. It's called The Handmaid's Tale. Personally i found it .. not only depressing, but unsatisfactory, and i found i didn't like many of the styles that the authos (Margaret Attwood) used to.. well, used in her novel. To put this into perspective.. The novel is kind of along the same lines as "A Modest Proposal" (BY Johnathon Swift)<--probly spelt "Johnathon" wrong, 1984 by George Orwell, and A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. The ideas presented in A Brave New World are kind of the exact opposite of those presented in The Handmaid's Tale.. but anyway! You will probably end up hearing me whinge a lot about this novel, so be prepared. Also read the play "Hedda Gabler" by someone Ibsen recently, that was interesting. it explored the pressures of society on women of the time, and the way Hedda dominated everyone, and then was the cause of her own undoing. Quite nicely written. Admittedly i thought the last line in the play lacked something.. but hey, i definately couldn't do any better, so i probably shouldn't complain. I have to go and spend some time with my dog, he's looking a tad mournful.. probably feeling a bit ignored. Argh, i'm becoming one of those crazy animal people.. what am i talking about? i am one of those crazy animals people. bugger it, i have to go and buy books from the crazy old man at the bookshop. more about him later.

 

[anthelion]

The Crazy Old Book Man

The Crazy Old Book Man runs a second hand shop in a very seedy area of town. Seedy.. i think that word actually sounds like its meaning. Anyway, this man is about 65, and he claims to have over 40, 000 books in this bookshop. So the chances of him having the book you want are fairly high. Now i rang him beforehand, asked him to set aside the book so when i came in to pick it up i wouldn't have to be there very long (it was about 10 at night, and..bad neighbourhood and all, i didn't want to be there) i was there for 3 hours. 3 hours! Now the real achievment here is the fact that he managed to sustain a conversation with himself, with only the occasional interjection of "Hmm, really?" "Wow, it's getting late.." and "Mpmph." He should have been a politician. I suppose the thing that disturbed me more was the topics that he was tlaking to me about. He first told me that the book i had just bought for $13.00 was formerly a prostitutes book. And that she was dead now. Apparently. He then talked about "The wonder of a small child exploring a forrest for the first time." Now i don't know about you, but where i live, there aint no forrests, let me promise you. (Hint-bush, drought, desert). The topic then moved onto sexuality. This is when i started getting really disturbed, i mean, i was standing in a deserted bookshop, in a completely dark alley, known for its gangs and the hookers.. talking to a slightly crazy old man about sexuality at 1am. Call me slow, i hadn't yet clued into the fact this old man was actually crazy. It was when he offered to help me study the sexual connitations that were an underlying plot in the book i had just bought, in his studio (yes he's an artist) that i started getting worried. About 15 minutes later i managed to edge off. Now i have to weigh up the cheap good copies of books that i can get there, and the crazy old man. Is it worth it? Hmm.. i'm pretty sure i can run faster than he can, but then, he is a crazy book man. He might throw some heavy encyclopedia at me or something. It wouldn't surpise me. But now every time i go to play pool with my friends, i have to walk past that shop and wonder if the crazy old man will leap at me with some book about scientology. And i'm not knocking scientology. I'm sure its a very nice religion.

 

[anthelion]

I got myself a diary the other day. One of those ones with dates and stuff. So the idea is, i put in people's birthdays, anniversaries, appointments, days i'm working etc. Hopefully it will remind me to actually GO to work. What's the bet i put everything in, all nice and organised. And then not open the thing for another three years.
I've been looking for an arty outlet lately. I really have nothing though.. I mean i write in here occasionally, but i want to do something with my hands.. something.. creative. But unfortunately i'm a rather bad drawer/painter/sculptor.. Must. find. an. artistic. outlet. then. sleep. Yes, have i mentioned i haven't slept for 29 hours now?? And i'm trying to fill up my fountain pen with ink.. ugh... black ink everywhere.
ahh well, u get that i suppose.
Well i'm off now to watch some tv. evil tv.. its calling me.... noooo...
not really, i'm just avoiding doing stuff i know i have to do. *sigh*

 

[anthelion]

first entry in a while. a loooong while.

I apologise for the lack of posts recently (within the last month or something) truth be told i've been rather busy. I've been sick lately *ugh* and i'm effectively working a 50+ hour week, which trust me, sucks. I hate not having the energy to do "fun" things. It seems all i ever do at the moment is work, work some more, study, then work, and throw in some sleep. It's so depressing knowing that for the forseeable future generally i'll work 6.30am-10pm, and thats just how it is. But hey, i gotta live right? I know a lot of you are americans, and apparently due to some annoying talk show host that was on the radio where i work, you guys work longer hours than we do. You have my sympathy. I think i might go insane, i hate having no time to myself, no time to just relax. I'm also really suprised about how it effects me mentally, i'm so much touchier, and heaps more emotional.. ugh. Anyway i'll stop whinging about how much i work, how much i HATE it, and how little i'm paid now. I'll just say though, for working a 10 hour saturday, i get $63. And thats $63 AUD (aussie dollars) which to u is about $35 american dollars. One thing about customers, is i love how they think they know how u should do ur job. I mean, none of the ppl i serve have EVER worked where i do, i guarentee it. Really, they are so suprisingly knowledgeable about exactly how a cash register operates, i welcome them to scan and pack their OWN groceries, and i'll go sit down and have a choccie biscuit. People tell me how lucky i am to have a job, i know i'm lucky, because jobs aren't really easy to come by around here.. and i am grateful, however ungrateful i may appear. But really, apart from light chit chat and everday conversation, people should just keep their comments to themselves. Do you think i care about the fact YOU don't know your paprika chillis from your $2.98/kg chilli's, is that my fault? And i love the way customers change their minds about groceries, now one or two things.. i can understand, but when it gets to about 15 things, including dairy/meat/frozen products, i get a little touchy. Considering i have to have them sitting under my extremely small counter, until my supervisor sees fit to come off his lunch/tea/quickie break. Honestly, the smell of meat, after it has been in say, 37 degrees celcius, under a small counter, for about an hour and a half, it really isn't very pleasent. And ppl wonder why i'm not permanently cheerful. I should just grab some toothpicks and some how fashion my face into a permanent smile. No doubt it would be nicer for all concerned. But honestly, being a checkout chick has its upsides. For every 10 customers that are really awful, u get a nice customer. And i don't actually mind kids climbing all over my counter and watching me work. I guess this way i'll be exposed to a lot more ppl than i would be originally. The area i live in, is truly truly multicultural, and i actually kinda like that. I like talking to everyone, and it's interesting to see the way differantly cultured people act around each other and me. I'm going to share a story now.. a few days ago, a muslim lady wearing the full dress thingy (sorry, don't proper term) came up to my checkout, and i was putting her groceries through, and i asked her how she was and she said to me "i am very good!! very very good!" i smiled and asked why so, and she replied (very triumphantly) that she had bumped into an Arab man in the shop and had apologised to him, and he had turned around and effectively told her to go screw herself, and she had replied quite indignantly with something along the lines of "No YOU go screw yourself" and he apparently had been completely taken by suprise. This lady was so proud of herself, and in a way i was proud of her too, i'm so glad she stood up for herself, there is no inequality in my store (well, cultural inequality at least) because everybody has to eat right? ok, ok, it seems like a small thing but it really made my night of working worthwhile. Its strange how little you come to expect from people, and then someone will suprise you and make you rethink everything you just decided.

 

[anthelion]

work and relationships.

Back on the subject of work.. there are always people who will suprise you with.. anything and everything. At work this morning (i have an afternoon off!! yaaaay!) i was serving a customer and a small child climbed onto my counter and sat down. His parents were being served by the checkout chick working behind me, and i was chatting to the little kid, and he was very awed with how fast i could scan items and bag them, and i let him scan a few (even though it put my scanning rate right down, and now my managers ) anyway, i looked behind me to make sure his parents were ok with this, and his mum was very involved in conversation with the checkout chick, but his dad was watching him, and he was pretty amused, he was smiling at me, and i was talking to him, and i said his son was really well behaved (because he was, he was just being a normal curious little kid, and not snotty or obnoxious like some are) anyway, his dad was a pretty nice guy, and he checked me out too, which i thought was a bit wrong, but i won't dwell on that. Anyway, the kids mum got angry at the little kid for some reason, and pulled him by his arm, off the part of the counter where you put the bags (he had been sitting there very quietly, watching me work) and she dumped him on the bench of the checkout chick that was serving them. The mum asked the dad to go and grab something from another aisle, and a little while later the little kid was jumping up and down on the bench, and his mum was completely ignoring him. I was keeping an eye on him, because i didn't want him to fall and crack his head open on my register. But that turned out not to be a problem, he fell the OTHER way, into the ground. He didn't cry, but you could tell he was really shocked (he fell about 1m onto tiles, back first) and his back/bum were obiously hurting, but he didn't want to admit that he had fallen. Anyway what annoyed me, was the fact that his mum hadn't noticed. When the kids dad came back, the first thing the little kid did was wrap his arms around his dads legs and hide his face, i explained he had fallen, and when the dad asked the kids mum about it "she replyed, "oh did he? i told him not to play on that". Ugh. I hate to sound bitchy, but some women really should not be mothers. Anyway, enough about work. Suffice to say, its still bad, people still suck, and i believe that in order to be a manager, you have to be some emotionless unreasonable illogical in-human droid. One of my managers Mr. Bear, he's nice but a bit freaky... he runs the nighttime side of things. When we "close" ie-empty all the cash registers and do the necessary paperwork he is our manager. He puts a plastic mask on backwards (you know like ones for kids parties) usually a bear face, and says "Ok now, Mr Bear's here" Mr Bear is obviously his slave driving persona. I was so tempted to tell Mr Bear where to go i had to bite my tongue the other night. I think he assumes we all like being there at 8pm on a saturday night. Obviously we have nothing better to do than fill in paperwork. We don't even get paid overtime you know. There is a good thing about working long hours, and basically permanently doing some form of aerobic exorcise.. i can basically eat what i want (within reason) and i don't gain weight. it's brilliant. sorry, its a bit vain, but i'm a bit of a chocaholic, and i don't want to be fat. Do i have self image problems? more than likely.


Nothing much is really going on at the moment for me. I'm not seeing anyone (romantically) i'm not desperately seeking a relationship (yet) and there isn't a looming relationship on the horizon (not sure wether to be thankfull or not). After everything.. i kind of feel older than my age.. if you know what i mean, i want a lot more, and i expect a lot more from people and relationships, than other people my age do. I also know what i want, and know what i don't want which is always handy. I know that i do want to be with a guy, (i'm definately straight) and i know i want a certain level of "physical activity" (lol, nice way of putting it hey) but i want emotional attatchment as well, and trust me, when the guys around here hear the words "emotional attatchment" they go running. I don't get it, i thought generally men wanted the same thing as women. I mean, correct me if i'm wrong, but the majority of people want
-trust
-companionship
-love (now come on guys, don't go all goggle eyed on me now)
-affection (in some form or another)
-attention from the chosen gender
-and if i list any more i'm in danger of becoming one of those hopeless females that assume a perfect guy will just fall from the sky and land in there lap. I realise that won't happen, but.. please, come on just one semi-suitable male!! I don't know if i've said this in my journal before, but i'll say it now "there is SUCH a lack of suitable men in my general vicinity". Maybe i'm just asking too much. Maybe my standards are too high? if any of this is unreasonable, please let me know. Basically this is what i want:
-someone with a sense of humour
-someone "who is my intellectual equal"
-someone who i have common interests with
-someone with a bit of ambition
-someone who isn't a slimy creep who lets me walk all over him. (i have a strong personality, i need someone who can stand up to me.)
-someone who is understanding, compassionate, tolerant, kind, caring, affectionate, sweet, and goodlooks and a bit of money wouldn't go astray, but aren't necessary.
I suppose if i just chopped the last one out i could probably find someone, but i'm picky.. and there are hundreds of thousands of men, you need to narrow it down a little, right
I guess there really isn't a reason why i should alter my expectations... i mean theres nothing "wrong" with me. i do have a strong personality, and strong opinions.. but doesn't everyone? and i'm not exceedingly ugly, and i have no gross horrible mental problems or anything. I'm just average really, and although i whinge a lot in this journal i don't whinge a lot to people around me. The purpose of having this journal is to whinge, i don't think my friends really need to hear the senseless babble that goes on here, i choose not to inflict that torture upon them. I just want a normal relationship i guess. I've been brought up with anything except normality, and maybe thats why i want it so badly. I really just want someone who can support, and love me, and someone i can support and love. I want to believe theres someone out there, and that we can achieve that together.. but sometimes i'm just left thinking "My god. i can't believe there are people like that", which in itself, is as good an arguement for the pro's as it is for the con's. As long as people continue to suprise me, it means theres still hope.. i think the day that all people become the same, and nothing suprises me is the day i to stop hoping, and just settle for whatever comes along. Which is such a defeatist attitude really, but its what so many people end up doing. Giving up on finding that *something/someone* and just setlling for what you can have, with the minimal effort.

(NB-for some reason today i kept forgetting how to spell really simple words.. i have no idea why, but hopefully it won't happen again.)