sleepy soliloquies

[Aleona]

hi. i found this board a few days ago because i have so much downtime at work, and i read a few journals and liked them a lot. i haven't kept a journal in a long time. i tried to start one on my home computer like a year ago just in word, and then got all paranoid (i'm a freak with paranoia.. i'll get more into that later..) that people were like hacking into it and reading it. so now that i know people are reading this, i can't really be paranoid about it..

i just started working at this job a couple weeks ago. i work at a hospital in the medical records department. my job is so easy, and very boring. although i do read some funny shit in the charts. people are not smart. i'll definitely have to share some sometime. working second shift in this department, there's only 5 of us. it sucks, i have no friends here.. it's fucking lonely to sit at work for 8 hours everyday and have nobody to talk to. all the girls here are my agish (oh, yeah i'm 20.. 21 in a month hooray!) but they're.. weird. two of them are nice enough, i like them and i think they like me, but they're best buds and i'm always a third wheel around them.. since they have eachother they're not interested in making actual friends with me. the other two girls have huge mouths and i'm scared to say anything personal to them.. at least i hear a lot of funny shit because they're always telling everybody's secrets. i get let out of the offices once a night to go do rounds around the hospital to pick up charts, but there's nobody to meet really. i'm used to having at least one person to talk to at work. i didn't realize how much it could bother me to always be alone and out of the conversations. oh well.

ok i do have a stack of crap to file. the two big mouths are arguing about the holocaust. what the fuck.

 

[Aleona]

filing sucks! it's gotta be the worst part of my job. there's not even any interesting charts today. although it does seem i have a butt problem theme going on. rectal mass (this one had pictures, ugg), rectal bleeding, chronic constipation, buttcheek laceration. apparently some guy was watching scary movies, and thought he heard something upstairs. he grabbed a big ass knife to investigate with, and then when he felt safe he threw it on the couch, got a snack, and came back and sat on the knife. ouch! one 25ish year old guy came into ER for a bee sting. aww.

one of the big mouths is telling us about her little boy. i guess he is obsessed with the toilet and won't stop playing in it. hahah, eww.

i'm semi annoyed today because the rude asses around here can't ever ASK me to do something. it's like 'uhh yeah do this because i'm too fucking lazy to'. i don't mind the extra work right now because i have three hours until i go home and i finished all of my stuff. i should really try to pace myself.. i'm so so busy my first three hours here, then i just sit around and look up shit to buy on the internet. which is bad because i'm broke.

i wonder if the cute boy is here today.. there should be more of them. give me something to look forward to coming into work for.

 

[Aleona]

i really don't think i could handle working anywhere else in the hospital. sometimes when i go do rounds to pick up charts, i have trouble. i don't look in the patient's rooms anymore, but i can't do anything about the noises they make. on one floor tonight there was an oldy lady who sounded like she was in so much pain. god i felt so bad for her. i feel bad for everybody who is here. at least there were a lot of people in her room taking care of her.. shortly after i left that section someone was on the intercom reporting a 333, which is a heart attack.. i think it was the lady. how awful. i never like going to the intensive care units to pick up charts. it's so depressing. sometimes there will be people in the hall crying. i don't like seeing some things i see at all...

ok i've gotta think about something else. eh, i'm not in a good mood. i wish i had something else to do so i wouldn't be rambling about unhappy things. i just want to go home tonight and be alone. i want to get in bed and watch a movie with some snacks.. but i can't. i live with my boyfriend, who i love but goddamn i don't know what's going on lately. for the past like 6 months i've been so confused of what i want and if this relationship is going anywhere anymore. he can be so great. he's the funniest person i've ever met, he's so cute, he's sweet and we have frickin everything in common. but he has a lot of growing up to do.. he can be so selfish and immature and bossy and controlling. and for some reason i don't ever feel like talking to him. we talk.. but we don't ever really have long, in depth conversations about much at all. which is weird because one thing i really want in another person is to be able to talk to eachother about anything. i don't think he appreciates me. he's never romantic. i've just been pretty much getting over him. we can have a lot of fun, but that's about it. and i don't think it's a good thing when whenever i have a bad day, i want to go be alone and not see him instead of not being able to wait to be with him so he can make me feel better. it used to be like that. we're so up and down, i'm getting sick of it.. bah! i've brought up how i've been getting more and more unhappy lately, and he keeps telling me he'll try harder to let me know how important i am to him, and he is going to stop doing the stupid fucking things that make me feel like shit. i might be being vague.. but i'm tired and i can't really think clearly. so yeeeahh i'm gonna go try to find some candy and hide until 12.