This is my first time posting. I don't know what to say except I had a bit of binger night after abstaing for 10 days. It was a hard 10 days, so I don't feel guilty, and I'll try to keep these nights to a minimum. I had a good practice group tonight. I felt horrible at first after it, but after a few hours of hanging out talking about sex and masturbation, a hit and 1/2 of pot, 3/4 of a beer and a pint of Ben and Jerry's "One Sweet World," I feel very full inside my stomach, but a little lonely and empty. It's weird to feel physically so intensely full and overstuffed, and spritually to feel such a black hole, and mentally to be just pretty much feeling shitty about myself. If anyone reads this they'll probablly think, yo Jez, this isn't a 12 step web forum, get a life. No, I'm being self conscious. It's easy to be honest to people I don't know. Krafty moons brighten dark scary forests for little girls to find their way home from a day of swimming at lake/waterfall. Right now I am dancing to a bluegrass band in a poppy field wrapped from head to toe in daisy chains. Right now I am scalping a group of smelly hippies, right now I am opening my eyes for the first time in this life. Right now I am wishing I could pop my tummy with a pin.
simulating stasis
- Thread starter jezebell
- Start date
I totally related!
Well, I'm replying to myself because it's been abut 5 minutes and no one has replied yet, I could sense Jezebell could use a little compassionate human contact. I was having a lot of childhood memories lately. about being so creative so often and not ever thinking of what I made as good or bad, I just did it all cause that's what I did. I played dress up, and made up characters, and recorded tapes of fake radio shows, sang a lot of songs, and now sometimes I perform and create occasionally as an adult and I judge myself so critically, and it's so hard just to have fun and not worry sometimes. Sometimes I, well often I think of giving up this craft cause I get so worried about my future, and if I'm just fooling myself, but I don't know what else I can do. I know a lot of people go through the same thing, but it doesn't really make me not feel it, and how horribly difficult it is to just get by most of the time.
Well, I'm replying to myself because it's been abut 5 minutes and no one has replied yet, I could sense Jezebell could use a little compassionate human contact. I was having a lot of childhood memories lately. about being so creative so often and not ever thinking of what I made as good or bad, I just did it all cause that's what I did. I played dress up, and made up characters, and recorded tapes of fake radio shows, sang a lot of songs, and now sometimes I perform and create occasionally as an adult and I judge myself so critically, and it's so hard just to have fun and not worry sometimes. Sometimes I, well often I think of giving up this craft cause I get so worried about my future, and if I'm just fooling myself, but I don't know what else I can do. I know a lot of people go through the same thing, but it doesn't really make me not feel it, and how horribly difficult it is to just get by most of the time.