sigh

meaculpa

meaculpa

dreamy
#41
#41
I would use the Emmanual Goldstein Gambit: Approach the intern and let her know that you just overheard [the most attractive guy in the office] describe her as a 'sweet piece of fuck-meat' and that when you heard this you were angry and nauseous and that you had to immediately tell her that in the little amount of time that you have seen her around you have admired her dedication and professional attitude. That you see her as something more than a sexual object.

Then grab both her breasts.
 
VarietyUndrgrnd

VarietyUndrgrnd

@the Parkside Lounge
#42
#42
Dani has a point... I didn't ask for advice.

Although these assault-related tips really are valuable.

I guess I should have done what all my fellow lame-o's do and started a journal.
 
Tess

Tess

New Member
#44
#44
*sigh* I know the feeling Tony.

My sweet office love, back in the day, used to sit directly across from the coffee machine.

I was forever throwing out "stale" pots of java and taking my sweet as time making new ones so that I could linger in front of his open door hoping that his nose would pick up a small waft of my latest spritz of perfume...

And in thinking like Dr. Dan Goldstein, I figured if I increased my presence at the coffee machine, I therefore increased my chance percentage of a trite office coffee machine encounter.

And it worked!

It's great to have an office love. All of a sudden you start paying more attention to your appearance and start looking more together than you actually are...good times.

Good luck!
 
noeld

noeld

Active Member
#46
#46
jack off onto her phone handset. Have somebody call her and talk for an extended period of time. After she gets off the phone go and say something to her, making sure to stand upwind. When she realizes that her face smells exactly like your cock, she will fall in love.
 
VarietyUndrgrnd

VarietyUndrgrnd

@the Parkside Lounge
#47
#47
Hmm. I have obtained her name. (From a coworker, not from her.)

This has begun to creep ME out.

And I sleep in a coffin made of human flesh.

I should really learn when to stop posting to the IRC.
 
Rosie

Rosie

Code 4 "SASSY-ASS!"
#48
#48
photo copy your balls and then wait until she uses the copy room. wait five minutes after she's done. then walk up to her desk, hand her your monochrome photo of your balls and ask her if she left somehting at the copier...
you. will. OWN. her.
 
G

goldfish boy

Otium cum dignitate
#51
#51
Get a time machine and go into the future to when she and you are an old married couple and she has Alzheimer's and has very little recent memory, but she has a very vivid memory of the past, and ask her, "Darling, how did we end up dating?" and she'll say "What? Who are you?" and you'll say, "It's me, dear. Your husband Tony." and she'll say "Oh..." then she'll tell you exactly what you did to catch her interest, then come back in time to the present and do what she said. It will work!
 
M

Moges

strictly platonic
#54
#54
Jeez, it's so obvious.
Just say her name three times, sigh, and add "what am I going to do with you?"

When she doesn't answer, say "That's not a rhetorical question."

When she STILL doesn't answer, tell her you're going to give her the finger-banging of a lifetime.
 
dggoldst

dggoldst

person
#55
#55
Moges said:
Jeez, it's so obvious.
Just say her name three times, sigh, and add "what am I going to do with you?"
Click to expand...
I'm tellin' ya! :love:

Moges said:
When she STILL doesn't answer, tell her you're going to give her the finger-banging of a lifetime.
Click to expand...
Whoah! Not part of the original formula!
 
D

Diana

New Member
#57
#57
I had a dream last night. It might be relevant.
I dreamt that I was talking on the phone to an improvisor. From the copy room at work (which doesn't exist).
Improvisor was curious about my work. I said it was "publishing."
She said, "Well, then you can make a flyer!"
There were coworkers standing around so I felt a little awkward. I said, loudly enough for them to hear, "yeah, I guess I could make one ON THE SLY!"
I saw an eyebrow raise.
I think if you establish yourself as someone who does things on the sly, people (including adorable interns) will be intrigued.
 
Mo Nose

Mo Nose

Paradox in a pantsuit
#58
#58
goldfish boy said:
Get a time machine and go into the future to when she and you are an old married couple and she has Alzheimer's and has very little recent memory, but she has a very vivid memory of the past, and ask her, "Darling, how did we end up dating?" and she'll say "What? Who are you?" and you'll say, "It's me, dear. Your husband Tony." and she'll say "Oh..." then she'll tell you exactly what you did to catch her interest, then come back in time to the present and do what she said. It will work!
Click to expand...
OR

Get a time machine and go into the past and kill a child star named Emmanuel Lewis, get his sitcom and instead of calling it Webster, call it Oxford English.

You'll be guaranteed adorable for life.
 
El Jefe

El Jefe

latitudinarian
Staff member
#59
#59
Find out who that guy was she pined for all through high school, kill him and wear his skin to work.

That's how my grandparents met.
 
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