Sheep Island Adventures


aka Kinky T
Okey dokey... this was going to be called "blame it on Burns" but seing as i cant stand seeing a British man grovel (he doesn't do it very well either!) I have given it a whole new name. Hmm... just had a thought - everyone will think I'm from Wales. Sheeesh. well I'm not. :wishy:

Sheep island is a very small country at the bottom of the world, known in atlases as New Zealand. 3 million people. Lots and lots of sheep. Basically the only thing we have going for us down here is the fact that we are so far away from everyone else (except the Aussies...i'm sure THAT could have been worked out a lot better - who does one complain to about geography???)

quick introductions... i feel like i know most of you - i have been living vicariously through your journals for a few weeks now. I have no idea what i am going to fill this with but seeing as i have a black belt in bullshit:up: , i'm sure i will manage to make a few entries before forgetting my password or somesuch.

so hi all you guys.. im Tango (well im not really.. but for here it will do just fine) im 32, a girl, live in new zealand. Married to a Scot who has nearly been here longer than he was in Scotland - but still needs a translator. umm i have a baby brother who is now living in the UK, loads of cousins, a mum and a dad and amazingly for someone of my age i still have a grandpop. YAY for grandparents. :up:

I read a LOT, wanna be buffy when i grow up (which isn't so strange when you know i have a vampire phobia), i do Judo - am a brown belt - probably wont go any higher as i dont compete, but i am still learning so its all good. what other drivel can i share with you...i am an esol tutor (english for speakers of other languages in case you were wondering) and am the home tutor for a very cool ethiopian girl at the moment.:up:

I was a hairdresser for ages (well it felt like forever) and now i am a receptionist for a manufacturing company. I have been told i give good phone hehehe but lets not go there while we are still in the polite "get to know you" stage of our relationship.

I am a chat room addict. i have the attention span of a gnat at times ( a small annoying insect - how appropriate) and my short term memory is renowned for well.. for not being there really. My husband calls me Trouthead - no, really, it is a term of endearment! - cause fish remember things for like 3 seconds at a time. i actually have a great memory, as long as it something that interests me. i only forget boring unimportant stuff (thats my theory and im sticking with it) :)

ok.. as far as first entries go.. not hugely earth shattering but now you have an idea of who i am and if you dont like me.. pm Burns!;)

oh.. and by the way.. i :love: emoticons hehehe


aka Kinky T
I was going to write earlier today, but i get so caught up reading about everybody else that time just kinda got away on me. Oh... that and the fact that the company i work for is totally unreasonable about expecting me to actually do stuff while i am here *sigh* I never realised receptionists were "essential staff" until i got called up to jury duty.. and not just boring old jury duty - the big league.... HIGH COURT!!!! wooohooooo:up: .. i was so excited - i wanted to go put some bad buggers away "yes your honour.. we the jury recommend hanging by the neck until his toes are all pink and tingly" kinda thing.. but no.. sadly it was not to be. My boss decided that the company couldnt do without me and wrote a letter telling the court that since i was going to be away for 6 weeks later on in the year, they just could not manage to do without me. gutted! wanted to write a p.s. on the letter telling the courts that it wasn't my idea and that they really shouldn't excuse me at all - my boss obviously thought of this and sealed up the envelope before it was sent out here for posting. Damn her and her suspicious mind:cop: LOL

Hmm.. wierd - when i wrote my first entry at home last night.. work stuff never entered my head as fodder for the journal.. now as i sit here waiting for my lift home i cant think of non work stuff i want to write about just at the moment. hmmm a bizarre new twist to the nurture vs nature argument? and seeing as my work is not hugely enthralling.. i think i will stick this post in.. and write something vaguely interesting from home later.

Thanks Burns... you musta kept viewing just to make me feel better hehehe a whole 25 views i owe ya ;) will sort you out in may when i stalk you from a little closer HAHAHAHA (ok.. that even scared me - sorry - not really a bunny boiler.. truly.. i am mostly vegetarian!:angel: .. )


aka Kinky T
so... hey its me again :D

so.. we can't have kids. well - that may not be entirely true. Let me clarify. We have been trying for 7 years and we have had 3 IVF attempts. (if you are one of the fundamentalists who believe we shouldn't tamper.. pm someone else - i dont give a rats ass what you think. this is about ME not you :D )

So anyway.. rant over. the worst thing about being barren is that i have been left all my nana's photos, these go back to her grandparents. and when i die no-one will care about them. mostly why the suggestoin of starting a journal sounded like a good idea. our family is fairly cool and i like the idea of being able to tell the stories. also i like to talk a lot so this is satisfying on a few levels lol

starting wth the ivf - not a nice process. bloody expensive $7000.00 per attempt and absolutely NO guarantees. not so much fun. ok.. for u squeamish types - close your eyes for the next paragraph or so :) you will be able to catch up later lol

i discovered after a couple of interesting operations that i have endometriosis ( a girly problem... look it up if you are really that interested lol is a very boring thing) but i never knew because i only have 2 spots of it.. they just happen to be on the ends of both fallopian tubes. so i had an operation to "bottlebrush" my tubes. when i had this i was given a 1% chance of falling pregnant naturally. gotta love those odds
The tests leading up to this discovery were fairly interesting. my favourite dignity killer would have to be the descriptively named "post-coital test" they give you an appointment time. then tell you to go home and bonk (shag, make love, choose your euphemism) BUT.. you have a timeframe. you can't do it more than 8 hours or less than 4 hours before the test. great :D nothing on the telly.. cant get all into the foreplay.. cause you still have 4 hours before the maximum timeframe even starts. sheeesh - slight passion killer. then you have to go see the doc before you shower - YAY :( and when you walk in and tell them what you are there for, you KNOW they are all chanting in thier heads "we know what you've been doing!" so.. they lie you down, get you all comfy and relaxed, get you in stirrups and then ask your husband if he wants to come and watch :O ahh NO thanks all the same :S they suck out some "liquid" and then check that you arent prducing antibodies to kill off the boys. NICE. well we werent - so that was all good. ohh i forgot the sperm count LMAO we had that result sheet on our fridge for about a year "hubby's sperm count is more than adequate" yeah cheers.. rub it in why dont you sheeesh ah well hubby was well chuffed LOL

ok... no more disgusting descriptions now lol

so after a horrible couple of weeks filled with drugs and needles and blood tests they finally take the eggs out :D wont go into details... will just tell you it fucken HURTS!!!!!!!!!!:eek: anyway - they take the eggs and introduce them to the boys ( i always had visions of a little cocktail meet and greet - name tags and margueritas lol ) then of course theres the huge rush for each other when time is called. little buggers are all paired off and then we wait a couple of days. we get to go and meet the kids before they put them back inside me... kinda wierd - you would not believe the pep talks you give to a slide covered n what looks like tiny bubbles!

they put them back in and then u wait.. with your legs in the air lol the docs say it doesnt matter, that they wont fall out - but im not so sure

our room looks like some bizarre fertility shrine, anytime anyone we know goes somewhere we get a fertility stone or bracelet or statue or photo or ... well u get the idea lol

so upshot is.. we haven't been successful yet. we are going to give at least one more shot. then ... well - lets cross that bridge when we get there.

ok.. hope that wasnt too gross for you all. i think i should stop here and will write something less medical tomorrow:up:


aka Kinky T
hi again from my little corner of the world. freezing cold at the moment - it is supposed to be SUMMER dammit! a cold southerly blowing at the moment and the only thing between us and scott base is a couple of penguins BRRRRRRR

but enough about the weather lol

family history time :D

my mothers side of the family first...

the first tango relative to arrive on these sun drenched (well usually they are)shores was what they called a remittence man (why? i have no idea at all). He had been disowned by his father for shagging someone he really shouldnt have been shagging (lol.. i knew it was genetic!!) now.. if he had stolen a loaf of bread or hadnt paid a debt, he would have been shipped off to the prison Australia. instead he was sent to good old sheep island.. about as far as they could send him before he started coming back! now it wasn't all doom and gloom, his father must have had a soft spot for the young rapscallion, 'cause he was sent with a servant and money enough to keep them in the lifestyle to which they were accustomed. Nice for some huh?

wish someone would send me half way round the world with a butler and a sutcase full of dosh *sigh* will just keep buying those lottery tickets

but i digress.. because of this, my mothers family were on the NZ equivalent of the mayflower :D first settlers etc...

unfortunately.. the rogueishness was passed down from generation to generation. My nana always told about the police coming to the front door every saturday morning. Her father would have a chat and a laugh and then hand over an envelope. The policemen would tuck it away and stroll off into the horizon (well, down the street probably - but crime always needs romanticising. so shhh lol)

He never went anywhere without his "minder" i have the greatest photo in the world of my great-grandfather and harry (the minder) in fantastic suits - you know the stylie ones from the 30's and 40's.. cuffs and wide legs, hats. oh they looked fantastic :D they also had a still going hehe we had prohibition and then we had six o'clock closing (thats p.m.!) and obviously people needed somewhere to go to get the weekend stash. and it was OUR place :D he ran a still, and my nana and her brothers were made to play out in the street - but they were to keep a sharp eye out for trouble. damn corrupt cops. you would think they would stay bought wouldnt you?

ahh yes. the great grandfather was a devious bugger - always one step ahead. BUT, lol unfortunately for him, murphy (of the famous law family) was loitering at the race track one fateful weekend when the g/g had allegedly gone to a town called napier with his eldest boy, for a little sightseeing and male bonding (not that you would ever have called it that then!) when a massive earthquake struck and flattened the entire town. but the two of them weren't there. they were about 20 minutes away from home, stayng at the bit of fluff's house. well now.. you would think he would find it difficult to explain wouldnt you? oh no - not our george (for that was his name lol) - he rushes to the post office, scrawls a quick "we are fine, couple of dodgy ribs but doc fixed me up. be home soon. love george" onto a penny postcard and then hightails it back to the girlfriend's place.

it was years later we realised that the postmark was from wellington - and that in fact he was never in napier at all.

lol.. the blatant criminal mind was passed onto my mother at a very early age. she will tell you it was an entrepreneurial spirit - i like to think it was more like the exorcist. There was a boy who lived down the road from them.. lots of cash.. very few brain cells. so my mother and her big sister would scrape chewing gum off the ground and wad it up.. then sell it to this poor boy. and when these new lollies came out - spearmint leaves - they picked the leaves off the nearest tree and sold him them too :S

ok.. this is an awfully longwinded post.. so i will leave it here and tell you some more scintillating tales later ;)


aka Kinky T
Due to popular demand... (well one really nice pm anyway) the continuing saga of the tango family (insert realy cool echoey sound effects here - unless you are not a drama queen, in which case you can ignore this instruction)

So my fathers family are a bit more mysterious. So mysterious in fact, we are not really sure if my grandfather is actually my grandfather!

well... we know he was my grandfather, we are just not too clear on who that was... let me explain lol

My fathers father comes from a little town called Kettering - allegedly. if you go to find him - there is no record at all of him ever having been born there or schooled there or making a living there... hmmm the plot thickens

My father only really found this out recently. He will tell you he is now an orphan, which i suppose is technically true as both his parents are dead. this meant when he became curious about the medals and campaign ribbons his father earned during both WW's, he had noone to ask.

so off dad trots to the war office where he presents his fathers ribbons to the guy behind the desk. The guy raises an eyebrow and asks who had sewn these together. it turns out that some of these ribbons simply could not have been presented to one man as they were either/ or kinda things. you were either at this battle or at that one - no way to have been at both. well - you can imagine - this threw a feline amongst the budgies thats for sure! the army guy gets all interested and goes off to pull grandads records.

bloody rogue he turned out to be lol his army pay book was filled with deductions from being AWOL. now the war office guy is really intrigued and offers to look up all of the information and send it out to dad.

the information arrives... hmmm - whats this? 2 birthdates ?? we figure this was him putting his age up to get into WWI and either down or back to his real birthdate to get into WWII (not having a birth certificate doesnt help us sort this out!) not only that - but he has 3 different last names! one is ours, one is a variation on the spelling and one is a completely random name. "ok" we think "what the hell is going on here?"

apprently it was quite common to swap your dog tags and id with another guy if you had, for example, got a hot little chickie in port and didnt want to ship out with the rest of your battalion (or whatever they are called) then next time you met up you swapped back and every one was happy.

well.. this would have worked just fine EXCEPT one of the ships grandad was on went down all hands lost. well now. who the hell was that? wasnt my grandad - he came back remember. now we are well confused by the whole thing, not sure which bits of information are the right ones and which bits are made up and who the hell are we again??

and this seems to have been handed down to my father as well. His family were all english rose kinda people. Not me and my dad - we look very Greek. so much so, old greek yaya's (grandmothers) will talk to us both and boy oh boy - do they get shirty that you don't understand a word they are saying! my dad has a theory on this. lol when he was a tiny baby, still in the pram, his big sister (14 years between them) took him for a walk to the local shops. when she had finished whatever it was she was doing there, she caught the bus home. nothing wrong with that, although it probably would have been better if she had taken her baby brother with her.

My father maintains to this day that he was swapped by gypsies during that outing.

i know we dont look Italian because the italian grandmothers ignore us lol but i have argued (actual arguments with raised voices and everything!) with 2 different Iraqi men about my nationality - they think i am lying when i say i am not arabic. thats ok.. i dont mind that i look exotic ;) hehehe

both my fathers parents were alcoholics. i didnt know this until they were both dead. i knew they were both fairly eccentric but when you are young you have no idea why - and seeing as i was the favourite grandchild :up: i was hardly going to go looking for faults was i?

ahh being the favourite ROCKS :D LOL my grandma would give my mother money at christmas and tell her to buy me a barbie (or whatever was the rage at the time) and then tell her to get my brother something with the change. my mother never got on with my grandma lol

but back to the actual point.. apparently the grandparents didnt trust each other with the drinking, so they each had their own gin stash. they would mark thier bottles as they drank from them - so the other one would not steal any. i do remember seeing my grandma filling one of the bottles with tap water.. didnt put it together till years later LOL god i was innocent and i would bet anything my grandad was doing the same to grandmas bottle too!

they were always a little eccentric (more accurate to say drunk i suppose) but the day we should have realised my grandma had alzheimers was the day she hogtied my brother PMSL!!! yeah funny as hell now but let me tell you - i was shitting my self while it was happening.

Grandad was long since dead and grandma had mellowed a little towards my mum, so she was babysitting us one night while mum and dad went to a firemans ball (oh yeah.. dad is a fireman) my brother was going to a birthday party at the next door neighbours place. my grandma was very concerned that baby bro was going out and i hadnt been invited (favourite remember) why i would want to go to a boys birthday when i was 9 is beyond me.. but anyway...
mum and dad left. grandma gave them a few minutes to be clear before marching next door and literally dragging my brother back home.

my brother (who has ALWAYS had a problem with authority figures lol) argued and went to go back to the party. grandma went absolutely apeshit! picked him up and threw him onto his bed, grabbed his dressing gown cord and tied his hands and feet together. he was roaring like a wounded bull.. i was freaked right out... grandma picked up the phone and pretended to call the police. i still remember that "conversation"

"hello bill? yes betty here. i need someone arrested. yes ... ok... thanks bill"

then she went back in to tell my brother that the police were on their way. thank god mum hd left the number of the hotel where the ball was being held. i called and left a message for mum... "grandmas gone nuts, please come home!" lol.. i must remember to ask mum what went through her head when she got that cryptic note

ok.. i am writing this with tears of laughter streaming down my face... but it was so NOT funny then. i guess we should have sent her to a dr then.

geriatric psyche units are fun filled places arent they :(

when my grandma was finally admitted to the unit, they lost her teeth and her glasses (like losing her mind wasn't enough right??) the only good thing was she forgot that she smoked!!

a 40 a day habit.. but because she had to go ask matron for a cigarette each time she wanted one.. she soon forgot to ask. now that tells you how harsh alzheimers can be right?

it was sad though when she no longer remembered who dad was. i stopped going to see her after that happened (she had forgotten who i was long before that) it wasnt my grandma anymore. just some old lady who looked like her. lol and because she had no gin, she didn't even smell like grandma either.

there were a few funny moments, and a lot of bittersweet ones. the one that really sticks with me is when we went out to take her out for the day. changing her cardigan for a warmer one we noticed these huge holes in her skin.. nail marks. well - dad went up and forgot to come down :mad: he rushed off to see matron demanding an explanantion. she told him to follow her and started telling him a story as they went... it seems that grandma had been eating dinner and another resident had tried to steal food off her plate, the nail marks were from the little scuffle that ensued. by this time matron and dad had reached a room where a frail old lady was sitting with her leg in plaster. matron pointed and told him that this old lady was the one who had tried to steal the food, and grandma had waited and waited and when she saw an opportunity, had pushed this woman down the stairs!!! broken her leg and stood there clapping her hands and laughing:eek:

well.. before you all start to back away wothout making eye contact i will cut this post off lol have funny stories for the next one... my mum is a complete nutcase too :D she is so cute sometimes... does silly things and wonders why we have such a good time telling people lol

hope you are all having a great day...

and ps... thanks for the pm's i really appreciate them :blush:

ohno.. have to take out some smilies lol apparently i used too many (was gonna put one there too LOL)


aka Kinky T
ok.. mum.. if you read this ummm.. no - its not about you - really... some one elses mum is as mad as you are :)

My mum is kinda short and kinda round - a lot like me really. i am apparently the spitting image of my mum (unless you ask someone else who will tell you i am the spit of my dad - i dunno... they look almost disturbingly like brother and sister anyway eeewww gonna stop this train of thought!)

My mum is the cutest thing you ever did see. she has the cutest little shuffle which she will try to tell you is dancing, she loves to tell jokes - but the only ones she ever rememebers are those big/ little ones. you know... what did the big rose say to the little rose? etc... anyway... suffice to say - she is great :D and i am lucky to have her.

i'll start from the beginning with my ma

When my mum was a little girl, she and her big sister (my aunt) had to go stay with Nana Cherie (my great-nana - she is worthy of a post by herself lol MAD i tell you MAD!!!)
they didn't like it there much. Nana cherie had just adopted a daughter... fondly known in family circles as the ugly fairy :wishy: now this daughter was the same age as my aunt, and noone was allowed to mention the fact that she had been adopted. my mum and my aunt were treated fairly badly by Nana cherie and the ugly fairy. right down to Nana cherie sprinkling talcum powder over ugly fairy's dressing table so she could tell if the girls were touching any of her precious daughters belongings. They soon learned to get their own back :D my mum is ditzy... not dumb lol

After dinner Nana Cherie, Ugly fairy and Nana's husband would wander into the living room to await their cup of tea (which was to be bought to them by the girls after they had finished doing the dinner dishes)

Obedient girls, my mum and my aunty, after the dishes were done and they were making the cup of tea, they would lick the insides of the tea cups, stir them with sticks and other assorted implements - then smile sweetly as they served HAHAHA mu mum rocks :D

oldlady.. stop reading now... you can read the paragraph after this but you wont like this bit at all...

When my grandparents were settled and able to bring the girls back home, they moved to a tiny dot of a town - you know the type.. it has a couple of farms, a service station and a main road. They had chickens there. My ma was the tomboy of the family (3 girls) so while my nana and 2 aunties were huddled in the closet with their eyes shut and the fingers in their ears, my mum was outside begging grandpop for a shot with the axe :eek: she was never allowed. but she was allowed to play afterwards... she used to make finger puppets out of their little heads (they were very poor and there was no TV)
it was my mum who taught me about tendons ... we had a half a pig given to us by a pig farming friend. me and my brother got a trotter each and mum taught us how if you pulled on the little tendon you could make it wave :D we were the coolest kids at the firesation (we lived at the firestation btw)

ok you can read from here :)

My mother has taught me many many things, most of which i found out much later in life were all made up! for example... when we were going over the rimutakas (we call it a hill.. but i think it is a mountain - i dont know.. blech - geography) and dad would pull into the passing lane and mum would have my brother and i hanging out the back window making VRRRooooooommmmmm noises as we passed the cars. Why? i hear you ask (well i dont but hell im gonna tell ya anyway hehe) according to mum the people in the cars would be thinking that they had been passed by loads of really fast cars! we fall about laughing at the dumb people in those cars - imagine falling for that hahaha we were soo clever we would never fall for anything as dumb :wishy:

We would also play a car game called "see who can sit the stillest and the quietest for the longest" great game... if one of us moved or spoke we would be devastated... begging to start again... "noooo mum... i wasn't ready... can we go again?" i have since tried this trick on youngsters of today. i get a withering look before they carry on beating the crap out of each other in the backseat .. ah well.

ok.. i havent finished with this post (stop that groaning dammit!) but i have to leave work.. will finish it from home so sorry KT ;) i will be making another post when i get home


aka Kinky T
ok.. Now I :love: oldlady... and your check is in the mail *big hugs* that was the nicest thing anyone could have said :) (oh no.. im gonna use up all my smilies in this sentence!! and we all know how much i love them dammit) anyway... thanks oldlady... it means a lot to me that _you_ like my stories.

now.. where was i.. oh yes... mum - this is still someone else if you are reading - k? ;)

about 7 years ago i was babysitting my cousins little boy, he would have been about 10 or 11 months old (awwwww cute!!!) we had just been having the splashy fun in the bath and i had him in the lounge getting dried and dressed when my pal came in... her name is tango too, well ok - its not really but she does share my first name lol... we called her deka (thats where she worked) so i was drying him and waxing lyrical about babies in general (as you do when you are barren :wishy: )

anyway... i was all.. "aww arent babies perfect.. perfect little arms... perfect little legs... perfect little wings..."

which is where deka jumps in and asks me what the hell im talking about!

I point to his wings and say "wings!" thinking what a bloody idiot... fancy not knowing what wings are... sheesh

so as she collapses in a heap laughing at me, telling me they are shoulder blades, i start to think "hmmm - who told me this? MUM!! dammit"

right... go back about ohh i dont know.. 25 years or so...mum telling us little kiddies that those little pointy things were where our wings were all folded up inside us. and when we died and went to heaven thats where our angel wings would come from

i leapt up and called my mother... feeling a little like jerry springer... to confront her with this startling revelation. She tried to tell me that deka must have had a deprived childhood, everyone knew thats what they were, and promptly fell about the place laughing.

amazing the power adults have over kids.. i realised fairly early on that mum had probably made up the reason WHY they were called wings... i just never questioned the fact that that was what they were called. :angel:

hmm.. that really does make sense.. read it again... i promise it really really does :D

so... moving forward a few years... my mum is always dieting. she has tried them all. remember this little titbit... it becomes important later (she was on Jenny Craig when this all happened) LOL oh.. and the fact that mum is really very anti-drugs. she has never ever tried any kind of illegal drug EVER. doesnt sound unusual? well here in sheep island - it is very unusual not to have at least tried smoking pot.

so my brother has a group of very close pals, there birthdays are all within a month or so of each others also. so when they were turning 21 (a really big deal here) one of the boys made a HUGE batch of hash truffles.. kinda like rum truffles... but greener LOL. they were like golfballs! so he lugged them from 21st to 21st... like i said.. a HUGE batch.

for my brothers 21st thay all went to ma & pa's place.. had a few drinks, a bit of food, a few truffles, a few more truffles, then decided to head in to town. the truffles were sealed up in the tupperware and all the rest of the food tidied away.

When my brother finally emerged from his pit the next morning, he noticed the lid was not quite sealed on the truffle container. Mum was sitting dazedly on the couch. he looked at her, laughed and asked her how many truffles she had eaten. (remember the diet now) 4! he nearly wet himself. when he calmed enough to tell her what she had eaten, she started to freak out, well... she tried lol

for those of you who haven't eaten your herbs.. it is a very defferent feeling... more of a "body stone" than a "head stone"

she was supposed to meet her sister at a big annual fair - she made my dad drive her there, but then wouldn't speak because she was scared she would sound stoned (any potsmokers out there will recognise the full blown paranoia now huh ;) ) my mother, who prides herself on being a lady, ended up sitting on the footpath (sidewalk) feet in the gutter, too stoned to move LMAO... all because she cant stick to a diet LOL

ok.. that would probably be funnier if you knew my mum - but hey.. it had to be told :D

more later....


aka Kinky T
hmmm... who shall we talk about today?

i still have loads of stories about mum.. but dont want you all to get bored, also dont want you thinking im picking on her! cause really - im not lol. i mean we tell her - if she didnt do such stoopid things.. we wouldnt have the stories to tell would we???

but seeing as i was reading digital carpentr "darwin keeps trying to rub me out" let me tell you about my brother LOL i thought for a moment i had stumbled across his journal

ok... my brother possibly beats digital in the stupid ass/ lucky gene stakes.

to start with he was born with layrngitis.. very unusual/ rare apparently. mum said she always felt terrible... she would go to check on him and he would be purple from screaming.

he has never been scared of anything or anyone. not always a good thing - no limits

We grew up on the firestation.. i dont know about where you all live but here there are flats (apartments) on site. cheap housing and they always have access to a few extra firefighters lol it was like growing up on a commune i suppose.. although there were more clothes and marginally less drugs LOL

my baby bruv always had a thing for water.. to be expected i suppose. luckily he was so exceptionally cute he never got into real trouble for anything he did. for example.. one time he was playing fireman (about 4 years old) he had the garden hose and was spraying the side of the neighbours house. 4 year olds attention spans arent all that, so when he got bored he pushed the hose through their window and wandered off to find something else that amused him. the kitchen was flooded. mum was horrified.. made him go and apologise. he was there for ages. when he came out mum was expecting him to be well chastised. ohno.. not MY bro. he had lemonade and biscuits! "aww he is just too cute :D"


anyway.. the other water story - this happened when i was about 5 so baby bro would have been 3...

the family (cousins aunts uncles etc..) went away together. we were staying at a campground, they had a pool. pools didnt need to be fenced in then. we arrived late (well late for us kids, probably around 8pm) my brother had his pj's and dressing gown on. little blue one with a fire engine on the pocket.

all the grown ups were ferrying stuff from the cars to the cabins, all very busy. the picture in my head when i think about this is seeing my brother floating face down in the pool. blonde curls above the blue drssing gown.. like a starfish. My uncle (my favourite uncle :love: ) walking past the pool, bags of food and booze in his hands. as he walked he swapped all the bags to one hand, kinda stooped down, picked up my brother by the dressing gown - lifted him up and looked at him, kinda shook him a little bit - and kept walking. my brother coughing and spluttering. absolutely no ill effects, except maybe the danger of being smothered by my mother!

then there was the clothesline. hehe we had an old rotary line. and a picnic table. and add them together? FUN :D

well fun until it was my brothers turn again, he climbed up on the table, reached up for the arm of the clothesline, and i pushed him (cause thats what we did.. we never had a swing set ok) probably would have been more sensible to have checked that he was holding on first :(

he flew off the table, dropped like a stone (well of course he did.. his wings hadnt come through yet had they!) and cracked his head open on the concrete flagstone under the clothesline.

did i mention that we lived on the same street as the hospital? lol just as well!

so when he came home from that little incident, he was sitting in the kitchen, at the table, in front of the fridge. dad opened the fridge door. bet you didnt know the corners of old kelvinators were like razor blades did you? back to A&E (accident and emergency). 6 stitches. he just had those taken out when mum asked me to run a bath for him. i forgot to put the cold water in (nose stuck in a book - as usual!)

have you ever seen how much freshly healed stitch scars can stretch? yeah still feeling a bit guilty about that :wishy: back to A&E

and then there was the time he was throwing stones onto the garage roof. being about 6 he didnt have a huge grasp on the whole physics/ gravity thing. you know.. the rule that says if you throw a bigass rock straight up in the air.. you had better sidestep as it hurtles earthward. so like i say - not a huge understanding of gravity. Big hole in his head (again!) he didnt even cry until i went "AAAARRRGGGHHHHHH look at all the blood pouring out of that humongous hole in your head" or words to that effect. back to A&E

he had a bike too.

he and a friend were holding land speed record trials down our very windy hill. why use brakes when there is a nice thick hedge that kinda bounces when you steer into it? sadly after a few hits the hedge decided it wasn't playing anymore. my brother sped down the hill at about mach 3 (according to him anyway) rode into the hedge, which sidestepped, and flew into space. yep.. behind the hedge was a 12 foot drop on to a concrete driveway. nice one bro! bottom teeth through the top lip. top teeth through the bottom teeth and then the lip. nose mashed into his face. didnt crack his skull but had a HUGE lump on his forehead - i dunno.. he must have bounced or something... his spine was compressed, he had what looked like a rugby ball in the small of his back. that was pretty scary, he couldnt walk until the swelling went down. the people who owned the driveway werent home, so bros friend rode back to our house and got dad to come pick bro up. no ambulance.. but back to A&E - he never even lost consciousness!

the best one though was another bike accident.

he rode off to a friends place. they lived up a very very steep hill. friend wasn't home. so my brother sets off back home. went into a bit of a speed wobble down the hill. came off. slid a fair way down the hill on the side of his head. he is lying there fading in and out, blood and fluids seeping from his head.

A good samaritan stops and leaps out of his car... says something along the lines of "goodness!" and tells my brother he is taking him to the hospital (no cell phones remember). my brother apparently tells this nice man "im not allowed to take lifts from strangers" LMAO what a time to get safety conscious. the man then offers him a lift home - which he promplty accepts! i dunno.. swelling to the brain explains only so much :wishy:

the guy takes him to our house. luckily he has a bar towel in his car (of course.. as you do) and drives holding it to my brothers head, offers to drive mum and brother to the hospital. mum says no no... i have to pick up my daughter from the library. yeah - thats me she's talking about. she is operating in denial mode now. waits outside for me to voluntarily leave a place of worship (well library - same thing for me :D ) i eventually come out.. only 5 or 10 minutes late. get in the car do the big "AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH look at all that blood coming from that humongous hole in your head" thing again (limited vocabulary in an emergency invloving my brother - you only need a couple of variations anyway so its all good)

I swear mum stopped at every red light, amber light, green light, stop sign, give way sign... well you get the idea. back to A&E. he was in hospital for a little while after that one. i do remember him being REALLY upset when they finally took off the "nil by mouth" restriction - right after lunch had been cleared LOL. he now has a piece of plastic skull. kinda cool really, just a shame he will never be able to shave his head without looking like frankensteins monster.

but he has never broken a limb, bendy bones i guess *shrugs*
im sure there were more incidents and accidents along the way, but i am shattered and looking for my bed

i will tell you the cool things about him another day :D

ok... where is gypsy??? if anyone has her on im or anything - tell her im thinking of her.

Burns... How hot? i think photographic evidence is called for lol we could have a poll :D wear your sombrero ;) LMAO

and thanks again to all who say nice things about all the journals - well especially mine hehe but it is so nice to be in such a friendly place .. cheers and goodnight


aka Kinky T
tonight i think we will talk abnout miscellaneous family stuff :D

like my mum (again lol)

ok.. my mother decides she needs glasses, thinks she should call the health insurance and find out how much she is covered for. she belongs to the Southern Cross Health scheme. she looks the number up. she calls. gives the receptionist her name and all the details and then says " just calling because i think i need glasses, wondering how much my policy covers?"

The woman on the other end of the phone (dead pan) says "dear, im not sure how much you are covered for... but you _definitely_ need glasses!... this is the southern cross building society"

mum hung up. lol she is so cute :D

hmm haven't really talked about dad yet. seems strange as i am a real daddy's girl (aren't we all?)

Well - he is pretty bloody funny. but doesnt really do dumb things like ma. His is more just his sense of humour. he collects fire memorabilia. has the largest collection in nz (well he did a few years ago - can't see that it would have changed) He loves spiderman, batman, superman and all the indiana jones movies. and our favorite movie is the princess bride, we both bought it for each other at christmas lol

He has just been diagnosed with diabetes. he wont admit this - he doesnt do sick or dead. he is part of a study on it (for a new drug i think) but this means he is cured apparently LOL we just dont bother trying to correct him now.

He and my husband have really bonded over sports. my father hated rugby. with a passion! until... we got a new stadium in wellington. hubby bought season tickets - 2 of them. hmm who is the second one for? ME??? i have never watched a game of rugby in my life! (very very unusual here in sheep island!) anyway, dad likes the atmosphere at the stadium so he went along.

what a transformation - he now has scarf, jacket and shoes in team colours. he paints his face. he takes a bugle.


a bugle


he can't play a note.

ah well.. luckily hubby is already deaf in one ear LOL he doesn't notice the noise.

I told you about Nana cherie a few posts back.. well let me elaborate.

her name is actually Alma. she says that during the "big blue" (WWII) the american soldiers here called her cheri (like the french cheri) i never want to know why she was called that. moving swiftly
She had bright orange hair. not auburn, not copper but ORANGE!!!
"and dears.. the older i get - the redder it gets" lol.. her eyesight wasn't the best so she never cleaned the red ring from around the basin properly.

She used to send us photos of her self (and her german shepherd - Major Jump lol) not that she was a vain woman, not self-absorbed at all...
she would send pics of herself in all these fancy clothes and tell us she was actually a model for one of the "mature" women's stores. we almost believed it. until...

she sent us a photo, she was probably in her mid 70's at this stage. with her ORANGE hair.

she was wearing a wedding dress! :eek: oh yes - i said wedding dress.
big white fluffy thing, with a veil and a bouquet. the caption on the back was telling us how she had met a wealthy doctor who sailed his yacht between here and australia. he wanted to marry her. he bought her the dress. she didnt know whether she would say yes yet.

we all wondered what her husband thought about this turn of events LOL

well you can imagine i am quite worried about my own mental health now... this was my mothers grandmother. she developed alzheimers also. all the women in my family tree seem to be nutters! i am the bottom of the heap.. waiting for the madness to descend really. ah well.. the best thing about "old-timers" as we call it, is you get to meet new people every day :D

damn messenger LOL this took way longer to write than i thought and i am late for curfew (yeah i have a curfew :( )

regale you later on ;)


aka Kinky T
hey again, sheep island checking in once more :)

now this is strange.. the person who put me on to these journals (hi tardis ;) ) knows more about my family than anyone else at work now LOL and he doesnt even really work with me.

he is now working on the apartments at the firestation where i used to live. but i think i am going to have to block out the fact that i know that some one i know knows i post here!

LMAO.. that was fun to type :D (small minds yeah yeah hehe)

where to from here? ummm ohhh i know :D how about a romantic little story? hehehe

How i met my husband....

well, when i was an apprentice hairdresser, my boss used to take us out of a friday night. always to the same pub (bar for you americans lol)
"the Lord Nelson" we always had a great time there, loads of free drinks lol the barman was my long standing "arrangement" ... i think you guys call them fuck buddies? anyway...

it was the week after my 20th birthday, i remember because i was using the best free drink scoring line :D "hey.. it was my birthday last week and you never bought me a drink!" LMAO worked a treat (highly recommend it)

it was also the friday night of a 3 day weekend WOOOHOOOO

I was looking fantastic (of course hehe) leather mini, white t-shirt, stockings and stillettos. spiky blonde hair, and these big ass flamingo earrings. the only bad thing was i had hurt my back and was all strapped up LOL at least it gave me perfect posture hehe

shaddup.. it was 1990 - close enough to the 80's in dress standards LOL

i was feeling great.. the live music guy (kind of a one man band but not really) had played my song :D whenever i walked in to that bar he would stop the song he was on and break in to "wild thing" LOL i was there fairly regularly ;)

My barman had been making me drink screaming orgasms and tequila slammers and i was getting the free drink guys to buy me black russians :D oh yeah.. was looking like a messy night ahead!

i was standing with my co-workers and my pals, scoping the room (as you do) when i spotted this sandy headed guy looking over. i smiled, he smiled back. i waved, he waved. i forgot about him LOL

a few drinks louder, i saw him looking over again, waved, whispered to my pals "check out the pervert in the corner!" i walked past to go to the bathroom and heard him talking. OMFG!!! what a sexy accent!!! (he is from a little scottish town called motherwell - crap fitba team - wish id known that before i started supporting them)

i stopped and said.. "hey... say something to me" (ok not great as far as opening lines go i know.. i was drunk - gimme a break sheeesh)

he said... "i like your earrings" LMAO he wasnt great on the openers either - so we were back on an even footing lol

recovering quickly, i gave him my drink-getting line. he wandered off to the bar. i wandered off back to my pals to await my beverage. he put it down next to him ;) clever boy ... he reasoned, if i wanted it - i would have to come back and talk to him, if not he would drink it - win/win.

obviously i wasn't letting a double black russian go to waste LOL he ended up coming clubbing with us, we were talking and flirting and all that stuff. i was getting fairly trashed by this stage. now without giving too much of my past away.. i apparently told him that in fact i was NOT going to go home with him that night. he says thats when he knew he was in!

we ended up spending the weekend at his place, well.. he did drop me home on the saturday, he gave me his number (which i still have in my purse - awwwww hehehe) i called him about an hour later, he came back and got me and dropped me off at work Tuesday morning.

and the rest, as they say, is history LOL

apart from the crap i copped from the girls at work. i was MIA according to them. i had blown off a tupperware party (well - wouldnt you have?) and they had no idea where i was - not very sensible of me i suppose. but hey - alls well that ends well :D
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aka Kinky T
im going to tell you all about my nana tonight. cant promise it will be funny or clever, but at least the ink wont run as i write in here.

my nana died in august '99.

i miss her.

she was born in august '26. we buried her on her birthday.

she met my grandpop (grumpy as we call him :) ) when she was 15. he was 17 and had joined the army. he was a friend of her brothers. they started seeing each other and got married when nana turned 16.

they moved into nana's parents place and the walls were very thin there. there is a bit of a joke in our family that says they used to have to wait til the trams rattled past before they could bonk, so there was a tram timetable pasted to every wall in the house and when the tram drivers went on strike for 2 weeks, grumpy was seen pole-vaulting down Roy Street LOL

She was a gardener, the most beautiful gardens. she hated snails and other bugs that would eat her plants. she would pick off the snails and stomp on them. i would be gagging if i was there. i remember one time i was begging her to just throw them over the hedge, no need to stomp on them...
i went inside and when i came out she had built a little pile of snails... i had said bye and given her a kiss, was walking away and she called out to me... she was laughing so much i could hardly hear her. i turned around and she jumped on to this pile of snails... i was horrified! my sweet nana! a murderer!!! she was laughing so hard i thought she was going to do herself an injury lol

ok.. that doesnt read as funny as it really was. i guess you had to know her. she had a real evil streak lol a wicked sense of humour.

we were watching a movie one night and the hero was sinking in some quicksand, he got to his shoulders before getting rescued. nana was disappointed. (this is how i picture her when i think about her...) she said it would have been a better picture if he had sunk to at least his eyebrows.. and she was all hunched forward ... giggling madly. just the expression on her face.. i wish you all could have seen her then.

hmmm better tell you some nice things about her... she wasnt always nasty like that lol

one of my tattoos is in her memory.. it is a little bunch of daisies with the words "a daisy a day" through it.

This was her philosophy on life. You have to live life a daisy a day.
every christmas, we have the whole family together, grumpy stands up to give his speech ( a bit like the queen lol) and he tends to get a bit emotional and rambles a bit (runs in the family :) ) nana would just put her hand on his and say " a daisy a day, thats what he's trying to say.. a daisy a day" this was always the most consistent part of our christmas dinner :love:

nana and grandpop were very rarely apart. and when they were together, they were always touching each other. nana sitting on grumpy's knee, or her hand in his, or his arm around her.

grandpop is really quite lost without her. the family are surprised he has lasted this long without her. im not. i extracted a promise from him. he has to be here when my babies are born - because someone has to be able to tell nana all about them. he is very interested in the science of the IVF prgramme. would be funny if it weren't so heartbreaking.

and knowuing this makes the lyrics of this song more apt...

He remembers the first time he met ‘er
He remembers the first thing she said
He remembers the first time he held her
And the night that she came to his bed

He remembers her sweet way of singin’
Honey has somethin’ gone wrong?
He remembers the fun and the teasin’
And the reason he wrote ‘er this song

I’ll give you a daisy a day, dear
I’ll give you a daisy a day
I’ll love you until the rivers run still
And the four winds we know blow away

They would walk down the street in the evenin’
And for years I would see them go by
And their love that was more than the clothes that they wore
Could be seen in the gleam of their eye

As a kid they would take me for candy
And I loved to go taggin’ along
We’d hold hands while we walked to the corner
And the old man would sing ‘er his song

I’ll give you a daisy a day, dear
I’ll give you a daisy a day
I’ll love you until the rivers run still
And the four winds we know blow away

Now he walks down the street in the evenin’
And he stops by the old candy store
And I somehow believe he’s believin’
He’s holdin’ ‘er hand like before

For he feels all her love walkin’ with him
And he smiles at the things she might say
Then the old man walks up to the hilltop
And gives her a daisy a day

I’ll give you a daisy a day, dear
I’ll give you a daisy a day
I’ll love you until the rivers run still
And the four winds we know blow away

one time nana and grandpop took the 3 daughters and the son's in law on holiday with them. this was before any of us kids were born. they were all in their cars. driving along in a convoy, nana and grandpop at the head of the procession. (like the queen again lol) all proud and smiley about their family trailing behind.

well they probably wouldn't have been if they could have seen the antics in the cars behind!

my mother and her eldest sister are fairly busty girls, so they were doing "poached eggs against the windows at the people they were passing... my other aunty is a lot smaller, she didn't want to miss out on any of the fun though... so she was doing a brown eye out of her window :up:

my mother and father were having trouble getting and staying pregnant themselves. at that time, the advice was given that they should relax and forget about it. they went on holiday with nana and grandpop down to the south island. they didnt book ahead anywhere, didnt want a timetable. to save a bit of money, they would choose a room that had a double room and 2 singles. then it was a mad dash to the room to claim the double bed. elbows and luggage flying, whoever got to the bed first got it.

mum and dad finally got the double bed. they wished they hadnt when grandpop was serenading nana from his bed, inviting her over, singing the indian love call. that was their song.

Oooh! Ooh!
Echoes of sweet lovenotes gently fall
Through the forest stillness,
as fond waiting Indian lovers call!

When the lone lagoon
Stirs in the Spring,
Welcoming home some swanny white wing,

When the maiden moon,
Riding the sky, gathers her starry-eyed dream childern nigh.
That is the time of the moon and the year,
When love dreams to Indian maidens appear.
And this is the song they hear:

When I'm calling you-oo-oo-oo!
Will you answer too-oo-oo-oo?

That means I offer my love to you to be your own.
If you refuse me I will be blue
And waiting all alone;

But if when you hear my love call ringing clear,
And I hear your answering echo, so dear,
Then I will know our love will come true.
You'll belong to me, I'll belong to you.

i was apparently conceived that night :) thank you Harbach and hammerstein lol

i cant see the screen very well now. my kids (when i have them) will have missed out on so much by not having met her

i miss her.


aka Kinky T
im glad i found my way here :D i missed all you guys!

i was going to tell you a story about the dumbest hairdressing apprentice i ever tried to train... but today is my wedding anniversary :love: so you are going to be subjected to wedding type stories instead :D

ok... so you know how i met my husband... now we get to the proposal.

this happened 2 years after we met. we didnt live together until we were engaged. i was hairdressing in a little suburban salon and the old ladies would have freaked out if i was living in sin.. and i loved my little old ladies, so we waited.

right... a little background information...

i will be calling hubby by the nickname his pals gave hm when he met me, "stoater". this is short for "stoat-the-baw" which in turn is scottish for stoat-the-ball, which is a slang term for chld molester. Now dont go getting all huffy just yet... let me explain...

stoater is 10 years older than i am. when he arrived in sheep island, i was 11 years old. when he arrived in sheep island he lived in a street called townsend road. when he arrived in sheep island i lived at the top of townsend road, and unbeknownst to either of us, i would walk past his house every day on my way to catch the school bus. the long standing joke now is that he was obviously watching me all this time. so "stoater" it is. not heped by the fact that most scottish men call their partners "wee girl" (which i always find amusing as it is so obviously NOT the case here LOL)

ahh.. pet names ;) aren't they cute?

so stoater and i decided to get married. he wanted to ask my dad for my hand. he hatched a cunning plan! we were off to scotland to see his family and had decided to do the official engagement thing there so that family unable to travel would still feel involved. my dad was moving stoater out of his flat and storing all his stuff for him. the cunning plan went thus... lots of lifting = thirst. thirst = beer. beer = pub. pub = neutral territory - and of course the pub also = nerve steadying alcoholic beverages. (there may have been a few more details but that about covers it i think)

dad didnt want to go to the pub! plan derails horribly... casualties high... NO plan B!!! arrgghhhh. having to bite the bullet, stoater had to ask for my hand over a nice cup of tea LOL

after swearing dad to secrecy.. we wanted to be able to tell the scottish branch of the family ourselves, we told my mum, who promptly made a grab for the phone. after prying it from her (surprisingly) strong grasp, she too was sworn to secrecy. this of course meant that only 17 people knew before we got out of the driveway.

we got to Scotland, stoaters ma and pa took us up to inverness (beautiful countryside :D ) we told them the news.. much joyous hugging and tears ensued. the next day stoater took his dad golfing, and his mum and i went ring shopping :D... a great bonding exercise - highly recommend it. we showed stoater the ring we had picked ( a cute little heart cut sapphire with a triangle of diamonds either side - in case you were on the edge of your seats there), we bought the ring when we got back to the thriving metropolis that is motherwell town centre.

we had a week in rhodes (greek island) nice :D and that is where i got my official proposal. i had told him it had better be a romantic hearts and flowers, bended knee thing... heres how it went....

imagine..... hotel balcony... birds singing... sun shining... us in our bathing suits :wishy: yeah ok.. not so romantic - but it WAS really hot!

stoater comes out of the room with the drinks. walks over in front of me, takes my hand and goes down on one knee. (now remembering that it was me who packed the ring & me who told him how to propose - we both thought we would be laughing...)

he starts with..." Tango.. love of my life.. apple of my eye..."
i immediately burst into tears.
he gets flustered. forgets his lines.
he ends with...." i want you to be my wife.. if you say yes, you can have this ring. if you say no, i'll sell it"

LMAO... yeah .. we are really romantic!

i'll tell you about the wedding tomorrow. whether you like it or not hehehe


aka Kinky T
4th of March 1995

I woke up, had a leisurely breakfast with my mum, dad, brother and my nana and grandpop.

the wedding was scheduled for 4pm. Stoater had wanted a 3pm kick off ('cause thats what time the fitba kicks off LOL) but mum had held out for 4pm and we let her have it :) (im sure you have all heard the saying - if mum ain't happy...ain't nobody happy!)

about 10:30ish, my 3 bridesmaids turned up. Deka (previously mentioned), Sangeeta (is actually her real name but she doesnt go by it so is as good a disguise as any lol) and sally (she is in the salvation army, so that will work hehe)

we all wandered off to the salon where i worked. we met my boss there, sally is a hairdresser too, so we had more hairdressers than we needed which was great cause it meant i didnt have to do heaps of hairdo's for my own wedding :D Sally's little girl was our flowergirl. she looked SO cute. she was 2 years old and dressed in a dress my boss had made. a tartan singlet style top with a big white chiffon skirt over layers of tulle. instead of flowers she was carrying a little wand. awwwww :)

sally also had her brand new baby with her. we put the baby (in the carseat) behind the reception desk so she wasnt getting all hairsprayed and stuff. we had a few wines, a few laughs, finished with the hair and then jumped in the car to go back to mums. sally was driving 'cause being a breastfeeding mum, she hadnt been drinking. we got round the corner before my flower girl asked where her baby sister was!

OOPS!!!! back to the salon, grab the sleeping baby, back in the car and back to mums :D No worries matey LOL

the flowers arrived. my bouquet was 5 long stemmed roses with tied with a gold ribbon. the girls had 3 of them and the guys had one each in their button holes. a beautiful red rose called "only love" which stay like a half opened bud rather than opening completely. deep but bright red. gorgeous.

we had flowers for all the parents and grandparents. all coloured to match their outfits.

***fashion report... guys- you can talk amongst yourselves for a paragraph or two ;)******
stoater wore a kilt in Glasgow Rangers tartan, and the groomsmen wore pants with rangers tartan waistcoats (which my boss made for them) the bridesmaids were in black halterneck dresses, just above the knee, with bolero jackets, black with rangers tartan panels at the front, and Jackie O syle black gloves. ok.. for those who care - rangers tartan is a royal blue background with large black and thin red pattern to it.

my dress was delustred duchess satin with a pleated shawl collar, straight skirt with a chiffon overskirt, edged in satin with a square bow at the waist (hmm not describing this very well... remind me never to write for vogue!) elbow length white satin gloves and a waist length veil.

****ok guys you can come back now lol****

meanwhile.. back at the ranch - stoater and the boys were having a fairly relaxing day also. They had been out for breakfast and a couple of beers.

the photographer turned up. he was an old family friend, a fireman too and completely mental LOL he made a good day even better! he got some pics of us getting ready and then we did some formal family ones. the cars arrived on time. OMG the cars were COOL! we had 3 old Buicks. i think they were a 1926, 28, and 34 or something like that anyway. the latest model was a big black gangster looking car - way cool :D

the people who owned the cars knew mum from school. small world. anyway... the guy had mentioned that every father always asked the bride if she was sure she wanted to do it.. she could still pull out if she wanted. my dad being the huge practical joker, we decided to play with his head (insert evil bridal cackling here)

the plan was simple... when dad asked me if i was sure i wanted to go through with the wedding, i would say NO and tell the driver to take me home. the driver would pull oer and turn the car around, and we would simply go the long way to the church LOL but give dad heart failure at the same time hehehe

we were nearly at the church... the driver was looking at me through the rear view mirror with a raised eyebrow... dad hadn't asked me! so i said..." well!... this is it then." and "yep... getting married now" and dad was holding my hand, wiping a tear and smiling, nodding his agreement. we kept up these subtle hints all the way to the church where me and the driver burst out laughing. i slapped dad on the shoulder and thanked him for ruining our plot. he laughed and told me he was wondering why i had been talking such drivel all the way to the church. sheesh! thanks dad :up: lol

ok... i think this post has gone quite long enough. will tell you about "king dick" next time ;) hehehe


aka Kinky T
the wedding day .. part the second - in which king dick makes a guest appearance....

we finally get inside the church, the minister was a woman :D she was very cool.

My mother is always having a dig at me about getting married in a church. i am the only person in both our families that doesnt believe in god. well, i feel i need to clarify this, i dont believe in the sunday school, bearded, roman sandal wearing god. i cant believe that this is it, so i do believe in a higher power. i just havent figured out who or what that is yet. i call myself "aggressively agnostic"

but in saying that, i still believe churches, temples, synagogues, mosques and all the various other places of worship, are sacred. i wouldnt walk in and swear, steal or otherwise disrespect anyones holy place. and because everyone else (on both sides of the family) believes in god, and because our wedding day was their day too, i felt it would be really unfair of me to deprive them all of something they needed.

right.. back to the subject at hand here...

i cried, mum cried, dad cried, .. well pretty much everyone cried. :D it was a wedding lol what do you expect?

we went around to a rugged little beach to get our photos taken. there is an old red wooden telephone box at the beach. my favourite pic is where we parked the gangster car in front of it, opened the hood, the boys are all in the phonebox, deka is looking under the bonnet (hood) and me and the other two are standing with our thumbs out and our skirts up, showing a bit of leg. lol it looks really cool. so good in fact two cars stopped to see if we needed help hehehe

a few more pics and it was over to the reception. we had booked a hotel, they gave us the bar, the conference room, the pool area and most of our guests booked in to stay there as well as us.

the speeches were bloody hilarious. scots have the best humour! there was heckling and rebuttals and i had tears streaming down my face by the time they were over. no point relaying them here as they would only be funny in full and i cant be arsed typing all of them out.

but my dads toast was cheesy and cool..." may the two of you lie, steal and cheat together. lie tonight in each others arms, steal away for a wonderful honeymoon and cheat time to spend forever together" all together now... awwwwwwww :D:love:

then the music.. we had asked for the rod stewart version of "have i told you lately" to be our bridal waltz. i know i asked specifically because the dj had argued with me over the phone about it. he wanted us to have the van morrison version... excuse me?? my wedding - my choice!! so anyway... on the day he didnt have it:eek: he said that i hadnt chosen one. we ended up having a song picked for us. the bloody revolting bloody righteous bloody brothers and unchained retchy bloody melody.. grrrr. now i apologise to any of you that love the song. and its not as though i really disliked it that much - it just wasnt OUR song. not too bad though.. the video has been dubbed over with rod baby hehehe and unless you knew.. you wouldnt know LOL

we had a HUGE surprise for everyone... we had organised a "special guest star" to entertain us. so after about a half hour of dancing, the dj announced the guest star. ok are ya ready?? are ya dying to know?? lol yeah whatever...

our special guest star was.........(can ya guess???)

ELVIS :up: yep :D we had an elvis impersonator LMAO. he was amazing too. he came out in the classic white jumpsuit and scarf and sunglasses. he looked way cool and sounded brilliant. he started with the hawaiian wedding song and then launched in to a few old faves.

his jumpsuit was kinda *ahem* snug.

my nana (in a not very quiet whisper in between numbers) says " goodness... "who invited king dick? you can tell hes not jewish can't you!" :eek:

we all fell about laughing, he took it with very good grace (didnt even flinch lol) and carried on singing. then it turned in to a bit of a free-for-all karaoke thing. but luckily, generally speaking, the scots are great singers.

Elvis leaves the building, there was more drinking and more dancing and at 4am we decided we had had enough so stoater went to give the dj his cash. i wasnt happy about it as he had cocked up on the bridal waltz. now stoater had miscounted the money and the envelope was $50 light. instead of either saying dont worry cause i forgot your waltz music, or even - i will call you tomorrow or whenever and we will sort it then, the dork wanted to argue. demanding money off a drunken scotsman? not the smartest move you are going to make lol it could have turned into a drama. i dont know about for you guys, but here noone really takes cash to a wedding because everything is laid on. the best man had a quick whiparound and rounded up some money. ( i was real unhappy about it!)

in the meantime, my baby brother and his pals decided that the guy was a tosser and they would sort him out. they went out to his van and let down all the tyres on one side, including his trailer.

now i know it wasnt a nice thing to do.. but they had been drinking and well... i was kinda glad when i found out too LOL revenge is sweet (reminds me of a story i must tell you LMAO)

the guy phoned me the next day to tell me it had happened but he blamed stoater!!! said he saw him do it! bloody liar!!!! LOL
and the worst part was i couldn't tell him i knew he was lying.. but i did tell him that stoater was with me all night hehehe i mean really?? what was he thinking? our wedding night and the new hubby would be wandering the carparks? sheesh

ok.. more enthralling instalments tomorrow lol... if this is boring you, do tell me otherwise i will prattle on about it for ages hehehe

hope your day is a wonderful one :D (feeling quite mushy now lol)
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aka Kinky T
ok... interrupting the riveting wedding posts for more weezy stories (thats my mum by the way LOL)

mum and dad were in hawaii for a holiday years ago... bit of trivia for you... my dad does not float LOL if he tries he just sinks like a stone! can swim fine - just not float.. anyway, that isnt really part of the story.

now if you have been to hawaii, you will know that they have their fair share of hookers (kinda part of the story - but also a handy travel tip for you single guys :D )

mum and dad were at the beach, dad on a lilo (airbed - whatever you call them in your part of the world) mum floating on her back with her eyes shut, having a wee relax to herself

mum opened one eye, feeling good - all warm and floaty relaxed - she saw the lilo next to her and opened her legs and said "come on then - if you want me take me" the stranger on the lilo sat up so fast he nearly fell in the water. she realised fairly quickly it wasnt dad:eek:! she had floated away! she was mortified.. swam off real quick. dad said the first he knew about it was when this mad woman woke him up slapping him telling him off for having floated on the current LOL mum reckons the guy would have dined out for years in the story of how in hawaii - they even have hookers in the sea LMAO

now my mum is also very .. well not vain.. but takes a pride in her appearance. never goes out without makeup and hair done. i am such a disappointment LOL anyway...

at judo one night, was going through some throws with a new guy - it is easier by the way to be thrown by a higher grade than a lower one - the higher grades know how to throw you properly lol. you always get more injuries off newcomers than dan grades (black belts). blah blah... he went for a technique and was somehow standing on my foot when i went down. OUCH!!! ankle went crack, i went grey, i went off the mat LOL it swelled straight away, went purple/ black and was pretty bloody sore. we went to my mums place for dinner, now the ankle was starting to get pretty painful even after icing, elevating etc... it was decided that i should probably get an x-ray. i was in a pair of comfy old trackpants (sweats for you americans i think) and i had a pair of my dads work socks on cause my foot was freezing after the ice. i was nice and red in the face from the workout, and my hair was all over the place (you get a good sweat up at training)

i was sitting in the chair getting psyched up to stand and mum comes running out with a hairbrush and a lipstick! LOL i was like .. "mum - they are going to be taking pictures of my INSIDES!" she said "well you can still look nice" then she spotted the socks. :wishy: next thing i know she has a pretty little pair of socks in her hand. pulls dads sock off my excruciatingly painful foot and was trying to squeeze the tiny pretty sock over my elephant man looking limb :eek: even my screaming wasnt going to stop her LOL

OMG.. i just remembered HAHAHA.. ok guys you may nor fnd this as funny as us girls will ;)

my brother was about 10 at the time. he played cricket and had pulled a muscle in his groin. mum went up to my grandpops and got the bottle of linament (circa 1920 lol he hoards) it was so old it was corked rather than screwtop. i had just been to the movies and had bought home one of those promotional cups - it was a peter pan cartoon one as i recall. mum pours some linament on my brothers groin. her hand/eye coordination isnt all that either. she spilled some. on my brothers willy :eek: about 3.2 seconds later he was running naked and screaming through the house. he came back in to the living room a minute or so later, tears streaming down his face. then I had tears streaming down my face as i noticed why he was calmer.

He had grabbed my peter pan cup, filled it with ice and water, and was standing there with his willy in it.. needless to say i never drank out of THAT cup again.


aka Kinky T
The first funeral i ever went to was my uncle johnny's. (you remember him.. he pulled my brother from the pool.)

he was 34 when he died. thats two years older than i am now.

cool guy. we saw a bootlegged copy of E.T. before it was released in sheep island because of him :D we were THE coolest kids ever because of that hehehe mind you.. we did have to sit through the amityville horror first :eek: i remember having my eyes shut a lot during that one!

He was part maori part italian. beautiful looking man. so are his kids. he married my mothers younger sister.

my uncle johnny and i had a special connection. i dont know why, or even what, it was - we just did.

he was pretty strict with his kids. if he asked if their rooms were tidy and they said yes... he would go down there with a rubbish bag and anything left lying around was in the bin... favourite dolls, new toys, didnt matter - you said it was done - this must be rubbish. i think i need someone to do that to me now!

he was a dustie (rubbishman, refuse collector whatever you want to call it) and he made out like a bandit! LOL at least thats what he told us... his brother was a bit of a crim, and the stuff like the brand new 8mm camera, the brand new t.v. etc.. probably hadnt been thrown out ;)

but when i was a dumbass teenager, probably 15, not realising how good i really had it, i ran away from home. a bit of an adventure really - or so i thought at the time. i had done something pretty dumb involving drugs, got caught, and ran away rather than face the music. didnt spare a thought for my poor mum, lying awake worrying her ass off, blood pressure through the roof. (i wasn't a very nice person for a little while there)

this is harder than i thought... i have written this about 4 times, i dont want to come off sounding like a selfish bitch... but that is exactly what i was. and i dont want mum and dad to sound like they didnt care or whatever because they did, more than i can ever repay them for.

my dad was so angry at what i was doing to mum, he thought i should stay away. uncle johnny came looking for me. he found me just before i jumped on a train to the other end of the island with some very dodgy types, called my dad and stayed with us until we were sorted.

both me and my dad have mad tempers...we needed the 3rd party to stop us killing each other i think.

ok.. nice story time. my nana and grumpy had a caravan at the golfclub they belonged to. it was a permanent fixture. a lot of people had them there. it was a beautiful place, huge native trees, wood pigeons, fantails, glowworms, rivers, eels, a bridge for jumping off in to the water, frogs in the water hazards. paradise :) nana and grandpop would stay there every weekend. we would all go out there for bbq's and picnics and if we were really lucky, we were allowed to pitch the tent and stay!

all 8 of us cousins would get together and make up songs, skits, and dance routines to put on concerts for the grown ups. they loved it LOL it meant we were out of there hair while they were getting down to some carousing and general merrymaking, and then when we were done, they were all tipsy enough to be genuinely appreciative of our efforts :D

one night uncle johnny decided that it was time us kids learnt the fine art of eeling. nice :wishy: you have to wait till dark. you have to go traipsing through the woods and ford rivers, knowing that every step you took through the water was bringing you closer to the sheep island equivalent of the loch ness monster! the rivers on the golf club were full of HUGE eels as it was private propety, and hadnt been fished (or eeled) out.

we took the gaff, and the torch and set off. the rivers were dark and cold. the trees were big and scary, and uncle johnny held my hand when i got too scared. i was a 10 year old city girl - i was allowed to be scared.

my other uncle was with us, he is a tosser most of the time, and this was no exception. we came to a fence, and this uncle pretended to close his hand around it, and then told my brother it was ok to hang on to it to climb over. it was an electric fence GRRR what a wanky thing to do to a little kid! and he laughed his ass off. :mad: i was SO angry (that temper again!) i was just about to launch myself at him - noone does that to MY baby brother!!!

uncle johnny was the one who told me not to worry, what goes around comes around...
we were wading through a really deep wide part of the river, the dick head uncle decided that he didnt want to get that wet, so he climbed the solid wood plank fence that ran along the edge of the riverbank. he didnt stop to think it was probably a 6 foot fence for a reason. we started to carefully cross the river. we heard an almighty squealing and screaming and the uncle came leaping back over that fence, i dont think he even used his hands he was running that fast! landed fully in the river. the squealing noises were even louder now, and there was something thumping the fence. he had leapt in to a sows pen LOL she was a grumpy bitch and had gone for him LMAO. yep - uncle johnny gave me my first lesson in karma :up:

when i was 16, i started being a tad more rebellious. with the drugs and the drinking and the boys.

new years eve that year uncle johnny collapsed. he was eventually diagnosed with lung cancer. by the time they figured that out, it had already spread to his liver and his stomach
he went down hill really fast and died in may.

he was a big guy too.. over 6 foot and really broad shoulders. they had to make a special coffin as he was too broad to fit the standard ones.

his funeral was HUGE.. they had to put speakers outside the church because there were as many out there as inside.

one of our rellies is a bit of a celeb here in nz, and uncle johnnys brothers 3 year old son saw him... recognised him from the telly, knew he was related and stood up on the pew, starts waving madly yelling out "hi.. hi.. its me.. im your cousin turei" (means tuesday in maori) it was really quite cute, luckily people realised he was only a baby and wasnt being disrespectful...

my dad was one of the pall bearers. uncle johnny had laid in state at home for 3 days and (according to maori custom) he had not been left alone. he had wanted to die at home but that hadn't happened. his side of the family wanted him on the marae (maori church/ meeting place/ town hall - it is a hard concept to explain to non sheep islanders) our side wanted him at home. my aunty won.

it took 4 guys to carry him into the house, and it took all 6 pallbearers struggling to carry him out. he didnt want to leave.

2 weeks after he died, i was being a complete dickhead again and went to a party that mum and dad didnt know about. drank too much and took pills off people i didnt know. i ended up accidentally overdosing - not something i would recommend to anyone.

the guys at the flat called a taxi, put me in it and told the driver to take me to hospital. at 6am i was in A&E getting my stomach pumped. none of my family knew where i was because they thought i was staying at my friends house for the weekend and i wasn't coherent enough to tell the hospital who i was. my friends had gone home already, they had no idea what had happened to me - they thought i had stayed with a guy or something.

my aunty woke up terrified at 6am. she said uncle johnny was standing by her bed and he was really angry. he was making no sound but she knew he was angry and that it was about me. she called mum and dad. they called my pals house, her mum woke her up blah blah... long story short and mum and dad came to see me in intensive care. if it wasnt for uncle johnny, i could have been there for a few days before anyone realised what had happened.

although i have made my peace with uncle johnny now, i still havent been back to his grave. :( too hard. but whenever someone i know and love dies, i talk to uncle johnny and know that he will welcome them to whereever it is we go after this. and whenever i look to the sky at night, the 2 brightest there are my uncle johnny and my nana. both getting on the bourbon probably and having a good old laugh. thats how i like to think of them anyway :love:

ok.. sorry about another sad and tragic post. i'll try not to do it again for a while.


aka Kinky T
OMG!!! i have turned into my mother :eek: LOL

i got my passport pics today... i looked like i had a stroke (and not the good kind either ;) ) so i did what my mother would do... i said "bugger looking like that for the next 10 years", and went and got them redone LOL

i feel so vain now - but i look pretty :D lol for a passport pic anyway

so.. this war better a) be all over in 9 weeks, or b) start after that. hmmm after would be good. i wouldnt mind being stuck in tenerife - my luck i'll be stuck in motherwell LOL

last time we went to britain, the gulf war was going on, and there were tanks all over heathrow airport. :( i think WE are the problem!

mind you, we both have dual citizenship, we'll probably get arrested on suspicion of being terrorists as we have 2 passports each - and i look so damn arabic LOL remind me to take my nailfile out of my luggage will you?

just a short post tonight.. i am busy being depraved ;) hehehe apparently i am quite good at it too :D its good to have a hobby dont you think?

and when i am feeling like this, i dont want to be thinking about family LOL rght.. i had better go - depravity and debauchery are calling ... mmmm debauchery hehehe

have a fun night all... im going to :D


aka Kinky T
hahahaha.. just did that googlism thing - too funny :D

anyway... have no idea what to talk about at the moment.

my family is pissing me off. not my mum and dad and grumpy, just the greedy bitches that are my mothers sisters. GRRRRRR

ok... obviously i will be talking about them then LOL

my mum and her big sister are best friends, well they were until 2 weeks ago. mums younger sister is living in the states now. and if she doesnt have a drama she isnt happy. i dunno - maybe she thinks we will forget her or something.

14 years ago my nana and grumpy built an apartment on top of my mum and dads house. so that as they got older, there would always be someone there for them. the title is in mum and dads name so that nana and grumpy didnt have to pay seperate rates and whatnot. they have never paid any maintenance or anything either. not that mum and dad mind, because if they had wanted it they would have asked.

well... now for the drama...

my aunty in the states called my other aunty and asked what was happening with grumpys house when he died. she called my mum who said it wasnt anyones business but grumpy's.

both aunts then called grumpy and were really put out when they were told that the house would go to my mum and dad, and the residual would be split between the 2 aunties. not good enough apparently. they want mum and dad to have to take out a mortgage and buy them out.

when grumpy explained that mum and dad have basically carried the entire cost of the house for 14 years, they said "but you do all the gardening" What the fuck???? ok.. cause that makes all the difference right??

my grandpop is at my mums every night for dinner, since nana died he hasnt liked being in his house cause it is too sad. he is 80 years old and is slowly falling apart - as you do - he can be hard work.

mums big sister called mum and told her "well its ok for you - you are sitting pretty now arent you" mum was really upset. this is coming from a woman who sees him maybe once a wwek for about 45 minutes, she then had the nerve to tell mum that it wasnt as though he needed looking after - "he is completely independent after all" well if thats the case... why didnt you let him stay with you for 4 days when mum and dad wanted a weekend away??? she had said to mum at the time that she wouldnt know what to do with him for 4 days.. she didnt have the time to look after him :mad:

the thing that REALLY gets up my left nostril is ...fuck sake women ... your father is still ALIVE!!!!!!

and what makes you think he is your retirement fund anyway?????

he could leave everything to animal welfare if he wanted.. i mean for fucks sake - i would rather have my parents than their money anyday.

my poor wee mummy is feeling really betrayed by her sister. and the upshot of it all is, after talking about it for 10 years or so, mum dad and grumpy are moving to australia.

they will be gone by the end of the year.

this is a problem because we always told them we would go too. and we are not ready to go yet.

families! who the hell would have them??

LOL.. ok.. ranting well and truly over now. well someone on this board has to be all angsty, you are all far too happy at the moment :up:

glad to see it.

and YAY for our 2 little lovebirds :D lots of :love: and kisses to both of you and i really want it to work for you :)


aka Kinky T
at long last... let me introduce to you - the DUMBEST HAIRDRESSING APPRENTICE IN THE WORLD :D

now before i start, i would like to clarify.. hairdressers are NOT stupid. It takes us 3 to 4 years to qualify as tradespeople. we sit exams. only one of these is a practical exam. the theory exams are 3 hours each and the practical is a 6 - 8 hour exam.

we need to know chemistry, physics, biology and be extremely customer focussed, friendly and while we are not allowed our own opinions on anything (unless it happens to agree with the clients) we are expected to be able to discuss, knowledgeably, any subject that you the client wishes to bring up.

we have to be able to decipher what you want from the picture/ description you give us.

we are on our feet at least 8 hours a day and usually work 2 late nights and one weekend day every week. all of this for the same money that you would get paid to work in as a supermarket cashier with no qualifications. im not knocking supermarket workers, just drawing a comparison.

so it was a huge surprise to me when i met ... hmm what shall we call her? LMAO.. stoater has just suggested ditzy stupidheed or woodentop.. i think we will go with ditzy.. and apologies to *dizzy* but well..

when i first met ditzy she was a young 17 year old. very young. naive even.

we get the apprentices to wash the hair. and thats where you get all the standard hairdresser chitchat :D

so she was washing this one guys hair, and said "so what do you have planned for this weekend?"
he says " im going to sydney for the weekend"
she asks " ohh.. is it summer or winter there at the moment?"


she had to use a calculator to make change - not so bad you are thinking? well... it is if some one gives you $20 for a product costing $9.95

she was in a horse riding accident when she was younger, and had crushed one of her kidneys. sad - but she used to tell people she had lost a kidney while riding. :wishy: me being me.. i always wanted to buy a kidney from the butcher and tell her i found it out walking.. was it hers? LOL i can be a wee bit mean sometimes.

this is taking longer than i thought.. will tell you about her wedding tomorrow LOL really.. it is worth it ;)


aka Kinky T
when i first met Ditzy, she was a sweet young thing - stupid - but sweet. she loved animals, especially horses. she was into dressage in a big way. her father was killed when she was quite young and she had an inheritance. not much of one, enough to buy a small house. she had been told never to tell people about it. especially not boys. she was supposed to be 25 before she got the capital, but was allowed to spend the interest on her horses and things of importance.

i taught her how to cross stitch, she loved it and would stitch beautiful pictures of horses, dogs, bunnies and the like. she was always humming and singing the latest top 20 songs. liked trousers and always wore makeup. this becomes important in a few minutes - truly...

she met her man. they met at a party. they were both tipsy (not a bad way to meet hehehe - it worked for me :D ) she was smitten. they chatted, she told him about her inheritance. he took her home (to his house).

after about 2 weeks, she was in love, head over heels and completely blind to his faults. this is when his true colours started to appear. well to us anyway - she still didnt see it. he started taking her to his church. fine - no problems there. oh wait... organised religion? how about a recognised religion?? nope - none of the above. the pastor (or pasta as she called him lol) had decided to start his own church. they stopped shagging. god doesnt like it. hmm really? it didnt bother the boyfriend before....
she stopped wearing makeup, was not allowed to wear trousers (girls dont wear trousers you know), stopped cross stitching anything without a bible verse in it, sold her horse - it was taking too much time away from her man and the church- started humming only hymns and became very very homophobic.

this is not really a good thing for a hairdresser. if she thought her client could possibly be gay, she would hardly speak and then be washing her hands almost before they were out the door. umm -i don't think its contagious ditzy!

we had a discussion that went like this...
me "ok... so how is someones sexuality your business?"
her " because its disgusting!"
me " to you maybe, but to them it is just how it is"
her "nope.. its nasty and they are going to hell"
me "ok.. so we're friends right?"
her "yep"
me "and if i split up with stoater tomorrow, you would still be my friend?"
her "of course i would"
me "and what about if i started dating deka?"
her "no... thats gross.. i wouldnt be able to talk to you"
me "why? the only thing that would have changed is what i do in my bedroom.. and whats that got to do with you? and how would that change my personality?"
her "it just would! and you're disgusting for thinking about it"

*ditzy flounces from the room*

oh yeah.. loving that christian attitude. oops i forgot - apparently they werent christians - they were "believers" well ok then

she bought in some photos one day. they were at a BBQ. he had his hands around her neck and was laughing at the camera, her hands were on his and her face was purple - she wasnt laughing. but between the time it had happened and the time the photos were developed, she had convinced herself that it was all great fun.. isnt playfighting cute.

we had tried to talk to her about our concerns, but she wouldnt listen. by this time they were engaged. known each other 3 months by then i think. she didnt speak to her family anymore, and was living with the pasta and his wife (his little noodle? lol). this was because her family lived wrong. and they should listen when a 25 year old stranger tells them how to raise their children and how to worship and how to do any number of things.

ohhh... i knew i forgot to tell you something.. before he proposed to her, he had her go to the lawyer to find out whether, if she were married, the inheritance would be handed over sooner. oh yes... true love i tell ya.

apparently one day our words had sunk in a little. he came in to the salon to see her and came out the back where i was doing some paperwork, sat down and said to her (before he said hello!!) "make me a coffee" i was sitting very quietly, keeping my nose well out of it. i saw her look over at me and she told him to make it herself. he was a little annoyed and told her to make him a coffee.. a little growlier this time. i was still very quiet in the corner. the phone went and she jumped up to answer it, telling him that she was too busy and he would have to make it himself now... he stomped oer to the jug (kettle.. thing you boil water in) slammed it on and turned to me "and you can pull your fucken head in... you are teaching her to rise up, and people who rise up just get knocked down!" then he turned away and under his breath said "well at least in my book they do" :eek:

i was absolutely gobsmacked!!!! could not believe what i had just heard!!!! he was not welcome in the salon after that. she still wouldnt listen though.

hers is the first wedding guest list i have ever been struck off though :D

oops.. getting ahead of myself here...

her engagement ring was a beautiful antique emerald of her grandmothers. they decided it would be pointless to buy an engagement ring when they already had such a lovely ring to use.

the lawyer called and told her that he would have to talk to the trustees of the inheritance and they would decide on what the best course of action would be.

the wanker stops talking to her. she calls him and gets the silent treatment. she asks "do you still love me?" no answer. she asks "are we still getting married?" umm hello?? shouldnt those questions be the other way around???? anyway, he finally calls her and tells her that they need to "get to know each other better" and in the meantime the pastor says they should hand the engagement ring to him for "safekeeping" :mad: in my mind that should have gone to her mum for safekeeping. not to some weasel who starts his own religion and takes a 15% tithe from his flock!!! i know this because ditzy came to ask me what a tithe was.

inheritance will be turned over to her on her wedding day. the wedding is back on.

it is going to be a dry wedding - god doesnt like alcohol apparently. we were making jokes about coming with the hipflasks and selling shots at the door hehe - we were asked for our invitations back LMAO

so.. the wedding dress. she wanted the full on meringue experience, flounces and ruffles and frills and bows and pleats and lace and trains and beads and sequins and a tiara. she wasnt allowed to spend more than $150 on it. she got a second hand dress. and nothing wrong with that, except it was stained and ragged and nothing at all what she wanted. the boss took pity on her and stitched and sewed and made it look halfway decent.

the wedding breakfast. 2 trestle tables filled with saveloys (cocktail wieners i think) and savouries (little mince pies) and sausage rolls, oh and the obligatory club sandwiches.

the wedding celebrant. because a wedding is a legal ceremony, the clebrant/ priest/ minister/ pastor has to be registered. this is pretty much automatic for religious type celebrants. not their pastor, they had to get a real priest to do the service, and still she never questioned the validity of her new found church.

the wedding cake.. my favourite story... horrified fascination i think is the term to describe us when she was telling us about it. she came into work really excited, one of the women from the church had a cake for them :D woohoo and it was a real fruitcake :D "it was her mothers surprise 80th birthday cake.. but her mother found out and didnt want the party so they put it in the freezer, and they said we could have it!!" ok.. then we find out it was 18 months old. it has the words "happy 80th birthday mum" iced on the top of it.. "its ok - we are just going to scrape it off and stick some flowers on it!" nice :wishy:

sadly, the wedding did go ahead. she had to give up work because "the womens place IS in the home, taking care of her man" we fell about laughing, glad she had found her sense of humour again.. then we realised she wasnt laughing!

she had struggled so hard to pass her exams, she had even resat one of them. we had spent hours upon hours studying with her. she gave up 6 months before becoming qualified. she has no other qualifications. at all. she will be ok though - her husband will make sure she never needs to use them. you would have to be allowed to leave the home alone to get a job. we heard, through a religious client (she was allowed to go to the wedding lol) that ditzy was pregnant. we were happy for her.

we heard from another client who happened to live 2 doors down from the house they were renting (who knows what happened to the inheritance?!) that she was no longer pregnant, that you could hear him screaming at her from thier place, and that she could be seen quite often at the supermarket covered in bruises - not allowed to wear makeup to cover them up.

we tried to contact her, but she has let us know that it is none of our business. that she is perfectly happy, and just a little clumsy.

ok.. this was supposed to be made up of the dumb funny things that she did. i didnt mean to tell this story but it wouldnt stop. i still think about her, wonder where she is and when she will have the courage to leave. i hope it is before it is too late.