See How Much Ass I Get?

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#21
Week 3, Day 6 - American Booty

After yesterday's entry, I got an IM from Wesley, a guy I met online a few weeks ago, then met for drinks. He's a chain-smoking broadway dancer, but not a swishy, catty uber-homo like some gay dancers tend to be. He's got this really sexy intensity to him... he's smart as hell, witty and sarcastic but never inappropriate, and he looks smack-dab like the kid from American Beauty. Ya know, plastic bag guy. With the video camera. And the piercing blue eyes. And the yum.

I made a conscious decision before getting together with Wesley that we were going to be friends and friends only, and I told him that going in. I wanted to prove that two good looking gay guys could hang out and not go directly to ass. And it worked. We had a great time... great conversation... a nice start to a new friendship.

But when he IMed me early this morning, he was in heat. He made no qualms about telling me he wanted my ass. He was probably drunk, and that's okay because I was too, which is also probably why I wound up telling him he could have it. My ass. We discussed the possibilty of going the more-than-friends route, and had some pretty hot borderline cybersexy moments, then with no explanation he said 'What I really need right now is a friend,' spat his cell phone number at me, told me to call him sometime, and logged off.

What the fuck is that? Can gay guys really not be friends? Will the promise of ass always get in the way? Are we all a bunch of whores?

I should clean my room. The flowers Jesse Jackson gave me are hanging limp, dry and brown in their vase. My shoes are falling out from under my bed, and none of them are near their mates. And my desk is littered with over a hundred KY Liquid samples I collected on Pride Day.

Maybe I'll open all of them and marry them into one container, like we do with ketchup at my restaurant.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 3
Days w/o Ass: 17
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 11
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3-4?
Repeat Ass: 1
Denied-Access Ass: 1

Sometimes there's so much ass in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#22
Week 3, Day 7 - (Down at our Rendezvous) Ass' Company Too

I got a new roommate today. His name is Stephen, and he has officially doubled the sexy gay ass quotient of apartment 3A. He's 22, from Kentucky, and is a major cutie.

We went to Corner Bistro for dinner, and were joined by our third (of four) roommate, Sue Ellen: a sassy, headstrong 20 year-old fashion major from North Carolina. The three of us bonded over greasy burgers and McSorley's Ale, then headed home, where we drank canned beer on the fire escape outside Stephen's window. It was truly ghetto, and incredibly memorable.

It's nice to have made a new gay male friend, and hopefully one who will remain that.

And he is so fucking HOT.

I'm in deep shit, aren't I?


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 3
Days w/o Ass: 18
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 11
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3-4?
Repeat Ass: 1
Denied-Access Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#23
Week 4, Day 1 - Sk8r Ass

I've given a lot of thought to ass currently held in a holding pattern, and I need to cut some of it off. Jesse Jackson in particular... we went like a week and a half without talking at all, and I only thought of him once or twice and then only because the flowers he gave me were dead in a vase on my dresser. He's a great guy, I have fun with him, but he's really not my type. He's thin and frail and wraith-like. I need meat. No more Jesse Jackson Ass. Cut off.

And as I think about Darryl I kinda realize that it's just a bad situation. He's not at all looking to get into a relationship, and I totally am. And he's kind of a prick. And he drinks to the point where he can't keep it up in bed. By continuing to allow myself to exploit his ass, I am denying myself the opportunity of finding some more permanent and appropriate ass. I need Ass-Appropriate. No more Darryl Ass. Cut off.

Jacob on the other hand... while he is seeing someone else, he's been totally up-front with me. I'm not interfering with his current dating situation, and the time we've spent together has been quality. *If* the time comes for us to advance to the next level of ass, I know we'll be good together. He and I are hot and good and matchy. I need hot and good and matchy. Maintaining Jacob's ass in a holding pattern.

I have no idea where things might go with Wesley. He's sending so many mixed signals it's retarded. For the time being, however, he will stay in a holding pattern because he looks like the kid from American Beauty.

Now onto last night...

I went to a west village bar with some friends for karaoke. Just as I was getting ready to leave for the night a completely cute, tall skater guy grabbed me and said "I saw you at Splash last night." And I was like "You sure? Cause I was at Splash for like two minutes last night." And he replied, "Yeah. You were wearing a white shirt. You're very cute." I could not for the life of me remember wearing my white shirt (I own one) so I just kinda shrugged it off and went outside to hang with my friends who were soon departing.

A couple minutes after I was out there, I remembered I *was* wearing a white shirt, with blue and red plaid. I went back inside to tell the cute, tall skater guy that he was right, at which point he smiled and introduced himself as Nicholas, which is one of my top five favorite names ever. We kissed for a bit, and he was pretty obviously tipsy, but I was too, so I didn't at all feel bad for taking him home to my newly air-conditioned room, where there was lots of drunken ass to be had, and during which time neither one of us had any trouble keeping it up, thank you very much.

He stayed the night, and things weren't at all awkward in the morning, which I take as a great sign Nick can safely be moved into the 'Ass in Holding Pattern' tally, along with Jacob and Wesley. And despite the fact that there was mucho ass enjoyed both before and after we slept, so I could technically count it as two Days with Ass, I will only add to the 'Days with Ass' tally once. However, I will also add once to Repeat Ass. Oh, and I got his phone number, which means Nick has brought me a total of 4 points. Could be a keeper.


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 4
Days w/o Ass: 18
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 12
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
 
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ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#24
Week 4, Day 2 - Asspelliarmus!

My pursuit of ass took a backseat today as I tried to catch up with Harry Potter. I had the opportunity to go out after work, and potentially meet up with some ass, but honestly, after my encounter with Nick, I need a rest. So I read 200-odd pages of Harry after work, then called it a night.

I heard from Jacob tonight... he was out with friends after work, but by the time we finally got in touch with each other, he was headed home, and I was in bed with Harry. We made tentative plans for lunch tomorrow.

And course I've found myself in a bit of a quandary over how to approach things with skater thug Nick. I have his number, he doesn't have mine. And though he was very forward with how much he was attracted to me, I must remind myself that he was drinking, and feelings can change with sobriety. I'll call him tomorrow and see what happens from there.

*yawn*

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 4
Days w/o Ass: 19
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 12
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#25
Week 4, Day 3 - Ass Best as it Gets

As my Days w/o Ass tally hits the 20 mark, I find myself a bit perturbed. I really do need to find myself a more reliable source of ass. Ass that feel comfortable. Ass that won't stray. Ass that is in exclusively Shane-centric state of vend.

I called Sk8r thug Nick and left him a message... I really hope he was as into me as he seemed to be when he was... er... into me. He's way too fucking cute to not have another go with. Although he is a Scorpio, which sort of terrifies me, since the guy who SUCKED OUT MY SOUL last October was also a Scorpio.

Jacob had a date tonight with the guy he's seeing. I learned this via my elaborate network of spies, also known as Tim. I keep trying to remember that I should wish Jacob well in this endeavor, because he deserves the best, but then I remember that of all available ass, mine is far superior to any others, so by deserving the best, he deserves me. Perhaps he just needs time to warm up to my ass. Perhaps he is not yet ready for the Circus of Pleasure that is my ass. Perhaps this healthy attitude will help me procure some ass sometime before my penis atrophies from lack of use.

Of course Wesley IMed me tonight with a warm "wanna get fucked" just as I was climbing into bed with Harry Potter at around 3:30 am. And as much as the idea appealed to me, it was three fucking thirty, and I was determined to finish the damn book. (Which I did.) So no Wesley. Though in my current state of horniness, I am seriously regretting that choice.


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 4
Days w/o Ass: 20
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 12
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
 
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ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#26
Week 4, Day 4 - Fatal Ass-traction

It's funny... I pretty much decided to cut both Jesse Jackson and Darryl Davidson off... and yet I called them both today. I think it's because I secretly want them to be the bad guy rather than me. If I continue to keep in touch, then I'm not the one who's calling it off. But if I stop contacting them altogether, I am clearly the jerk. So my plan is to just be so wishy-washy and vague with them that they eventually jump ship on their own. I realize now, in writing this, that I am a completely evil pussy-like for doing this, and probably even worse of a person for not being up-front, but confrontation is totally my Waterloo.

Which brings me to Glen Dotten. I met him like... a month ago. We had one date, which was okay, and we fooled around a little, and by the next day he completely had us married. I was like... um... I just met you, and he was like 'We should move in together!' So I put on the brakes nice and fast-like and basically told him I was not interested in a relationship with him, but maybe we could be friends. But almost every day after that I had an IM or an email or a phone message from him, basically saying 'Who knows what the future holds! Great relationships can start as friendships! I haven't felt like this about anyone since my ex from five years ago!' He uses a lot of exclamation points.

So after several weeks of avoiding his calls and failing to respond to his emails, I finally broke it down for him by saying 'Not only do I not want a relationship with you, but your continued reluctance to accept that fact, along with your obsessive need to contact me every five minutes has pretty much spoiled the possibility of a friendship! I think you need to let it go! I think you're yucky and made of goo!' Being sure, of course, to use as many exclamation point as possible. He got extra-pissy and told me his friends all hate me for breaking his heart, and I better hope I don't run into them anywhere because the outcome might not be pretty. I'm such a heartbreaker.

On the Ass in Holding Pattern Front... I haven't heard a peep from Sk8r Ass Nick since leaving a message a couple days ago. It feels strange to think he could go from saying he's fallen for me to not wanting to talk at all. Of course he was blitzed when he said that. But when it comes to ass, I am where it's at. And where he was at. I think he knows what a good thing he might have here. So maybe he's just busy. Or feeling unworthy. Or, ya know... married to a woman and leading a secret gay life, which would be consistent with my luck.

I also talked to Jacob... he landed an apartment in the East Village, which will make hanging out much easier. And hopefully getting his ass easier as well. I haven't seen him since last week, but we've talked pretty much every day. I must admit I wonder how things are going with his current man. I'm reluctant to ask for fear of having to move his ass out of the holding pattern.

And finally, tonight... I thought I was in for the evening, but Fred Sally called and insisted I join him at my favorite bar for drinks to celebrate the 30th birthday of another regular. The highlight of my excursion was my interaction with Ned - very tall, very lanky, and oh so drunk - who, in a ninety-second span, told me eight times I was cute and tried three times to kiss me. Thanks for the ego boost. No ass for you.


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 4
Days w/o Ass: 21
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 14.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 12
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#27
Week 4, Day 5 - The Thursday Night Crew

This is a bit of a departure, but I need to get it out.

I used to be a full-fledged member of the Thursday Night Crew. This was back in my early 20's. Every Thursday Night, the crew and I would go to this mess of a gay club in Worcester, MA, called Amen. Or as we called it: A Mess. This was back in my fat days (I was always between 270-310) so I never got any ass, but I never really tried because I had so much damn fun with these guys.

The years have gone by, and several of The Crew I haven't heard from in years... Brian, Big John, Little John. But I keep in touch with three of them: Rick, Steve and Troy. Sadly, in March of 2002, Rick's boyfriend died tragically in a car accident (hit by a drunk driver). So the last time I saw the core members of the Thursday Night crew was not under the most happy of circumstances.

Now, over a year later... I talked to Rick on Friday and he gave me some terrible news. Steve had a brain hemmorhage on NYC Pride Day. He was visiting from Ft. Lauderdale (where he lives with his boyfriend) and he suddenly collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. He's got brain damage, and is experiencing memory loss. He's been staying at St. Vincent's, which is just a few blocks away from me. I walk by it every day and I had no idea one of my oldest, dearest friends has been there for two weeks.

I was so thankful to Rick for telling me... and then I was angry for not knowing sooner. I am so close to St. V's, and in a position to go and see Steve regularly without it disrupting my life at all. I'm sure there are so many people in Steve's life who would love to be at his side, but it is difficult or impossible to make it happen. But for me... it's four blocks away. I could have been going to see him for two weeks now. I just wish I'd known.

I worked a double on Saturday, and was pleasantly surprised to be cut early. As I was walking home, I strolled by St. Vincent's and wondered if visiting hours were still happening. My original plan had been to wait to hear from Steve's boyfriend, whom Rick was supposed to put in touch with me, so that I could find out more about Steve's condition and be better prepared. But I didn't want to wait. I wanted to see my friend.

I soon learned I would have a full hour before visiting times were over. I rode the elevator to his floor and thought about many of the great times we'd had together. Steve has always been one of my wittiest, most clever friends; never a dull moment with Steve. He's one of the few people in my life I feel actually keeps up with me in the witty conversation department. We work well off of each other. I think I had a crush on him for like four years.

God, we had some great fuckin' times. Dancing, laughing, chain-smoking. Late-night visits to Denny's. Bottomless coffee and Moons Over My Hammy. And when it wasn't a Thursday Night, we'd have game night. Or movie night. And sometimes we'd fall out of touch for a while, and then I'd bump into him at Amen on a non-Thursday, after he'd been out of town for a while, and every time it was the same. I'd see him first, and surpirise him, and his face would light up and he'd exclaim 'Shane!' and wrap his arms around me.

I eventually found his room. He was with his family.. Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother-in-law. I introduced myself to them while Steve's mom was feeding him dinner. He was awake and fairly alert. His mom asked him "Steve, do you know this guy's name?"

He looked up at me for the first time since I'd arrived, and I so badly just wanted him to flash his smile and shout "Shane!" and give me a huge hug. But there was no recognition in his eyes. A lot of the spark I remember so well had faded. He looked embarassed for a couple of seconds, then said "My family is a little strange."

Everyone laughed. At least he hasn't lost his sense of humor. (His mom would tell me later that the doctors and nurses say this is a very good sign.) Then his mother asked him again... "This guy's a friend of yours. Do you remember his name?"

He hadn't taken his eyes off of me. I could tell he wanted so badly to remember. "Yeah. It's Mick," he said.

"Close," I replied. "It's Shane. It's good to see you buddy."

He looked at me for a few more seconds and asked, "Did you bring the pictures?"

I assumed he meant pictures of the two of us, and I was instantly saddened for not having any. "I wish I did. I don't have any pictures of us."

He looked sad for a second, then said "We'll have to take some."

From there he started to fade. He said I needed to talk to Barbara, but nobody present knew who Barbara was. Then he said his shirt was trying to talk to him, and to watch out for Canoli. He began trying to chew on the oxygen meter he wore on the end of his finger.

I didn't stay too much longer, as he was slipping off to sleep. Plus, visiting hours were nearing their end and I wanted his family to have some time with him. Before I left, his sister told me that the time of my arrival was the most alert she'd seen him. I told her I'd be back soon.

When I got home, I emailed Troy in case he hadn't heard yet, and I called it an early night. On a Saturday. And it was well-earned.

Some things are more important than ass.
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#28
Week 4, Day 6 - Hot Ass, Party of 3, Your Table Is Now Ready

I worked in Brooklyn today... and thank God they supply us with aprons, cause I was a walking fucking hard-on all damn day. These Brooklyn boys with their muscle shirts and their tans and their "bring us some o' dat bread..." Ugh. They're all hot, all Italian, and as I mentioned last week... all straight.

And then today...

I was lingering by the host stand when two stunningly hot boys walked in. I grabbed Holly the hostess by the arm. "I think table 22 is up next," I said to her as I gave her a squeeze and a smile. I walked away from the host stand, went to the kitchen, and when I came back? J-Lo and behold! Hot boys at table 22. And not just two. Three. They'd multiplied. Three yummy, tan boys in various combinations of muscle shirts, tank tops, and sexy fuckin' shorts.

I immediately started with the wit and charm. I like to have a good time when I work, especially when cute boys are involved. I eventually discovered that they all actually live in Manhattan, which is when I mentioned I also worked at the restaurant's location in Chelsea. (Chelsea is a notoriously gay-friendly area of Manhattan, for those of you who are NYC newbies.)

"Chelsea! Great part of town!" the hot blonde one replied. They all exchanged glances and smiled at me. "You must have a lot more fun there. We'll definitely come see you," added the tall blue-eyed one with the dopey grin.

Ta-Kow!

Leave it to me to sniff out some gay ass in the middle of Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. And leave it to me to reel 'em right the fuck in. These boys are massively yummy. I can't wait to see 'em again.

I got back to Manhattan around 1 am and remembered Armando (super-cute, super-sweet guy I met around a month ago, and saw again last Tuesday night) mentioning that he'd gone to my favorite bar last Sunday and was disappointed not to see me. I told him I'd go see him this Sunday, and it being Sunday, I meant to make good on my promise. So on the way from the subway to my apartment I stopped at Armando's bar, where he was just getting off work, and asked him if he'd be joining me at my favorite bar. But alas, he had school in the morning and was forced to decline. But not before offering a raincheck.

This boy is a catch, and I fully plan on hunting him down sometime this week. He showed enough interest in me... and he's sincerely fucking cute... I owe it to myself to get me some fine Latin ass. Besides, the ass I currently have in a holding pattern is simply not yielding the benefits I require. Perhaps it's time to expand my search parameters.

And finally, some mail.

<font color = pink><I>I stumbled accidently on your journal and I got to say I am disgusted. Not only are you gay but you are a sleeping around gay. And you are enjoying it and braging even. And to not even stick it </I>[sic]<I> with your own kind to have to seduce a hetersexual man is abominable. But. You are from New York the city of sin. and with any luck you will soon find forgiveness for your ways and then the path to normalness which is with hetersexuals. But what do you epxpect by the way you behave. You should have gone home with the woman you met in the bar that night she could maybe change you maybe you know. I hope you don't think I am a preaching but you seem like a nice guy other than gay. I don't know so I wrote. How do you like New York? I don't know I guess it might be nice to go to with my family.I have a wife of five years and two kids a boy and girl. Maybe see a show but i heard there's one with urine in it and that's out there. Maybe see the sound of Music whch i love or something like it. Write back if you want to and God bless.</font>

<font color = cyan>Let me roll up my sleeves for this one.

For someone who is so disgusted by me being a 'sleeping around gay' you sure have read a lot of my journal... you cited experiences from at least two seperate entries. And unless you're Captain Skim of the U.S.S. Readalot (based on your writing skills I doubt this heavily) I would say you spent at least 20 minutes or so perusing my disgusting little corner of the internet. Hope your wife doesn't find this odd.

Of course something tells me there's a little more than just your reading habits you're keeping from the wife.

I hate to break it to you, man... I'm gay and all, but... Sound of Music?

You are SUCH a fag.

Come to New York. Good money says within fifteen minutes you're on your back with your legs in the air, screaming Do-Re-Mi and takin' it like a naughty, leiderhosen-wearing Liesl von Trapp.

But hey, man. I'm just sayin'.</I></font>

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 4
Days w/o Ass: 23
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 14.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 12
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
 
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ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#29
Speacial Bulletin

This was entirely necessary.

<FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: hello
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: hey man what up?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: ya know I don’t appreciate you putting me up in your thing
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: hello?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Sorry to hear that.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Would you mind telling me who you are?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: And what thing I put you up in?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: Your ass
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: sorry
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: I put you in my ass?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: your ass blog
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: i wrote you a letter and you copied it
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Oh! What up, Liesl?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: I love my wife.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: That’s fantastic.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: and my kids i love my kids
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Excellent.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: you said you think im am a fag. you don’t really think I am a fag do you
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: that depends
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: on what? hold on
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: a lot of things…
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: first of all are you cute?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: sorry I’m back wgat does me being cute half to do with anything
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: gay guys are all hot, so if you’re ugly then you’re straight
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: you didn’t know that?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: I was homecoming king and I won a pagent when I was 19
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: A pageant?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: You won a pageant?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: This is doing nothing for your heterosexuality.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: it was a mr. Looks pagent and it was cunty wide
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Oh. Well as long as it was Cunty-Wide. This proves your straightness.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Though I thought you’d prefer your cunty tight.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: county. Youa re a nut.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: am I offending you?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: no I think your funny. Hold on
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: I think you should send me a picture.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: has your part of the world invented scanners yet?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: or are you still perfecting the banjo?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: okay I am back. My wife just took the kids out for a while so I am alone
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: uh… okay
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: sent
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: ???
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: I sent you a picure it’s from last year
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Dude. You are fuckin’ STACKED.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: I work out a lot still
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: uh… I can tell
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: your kids look a lot more like your wife than they do like you
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: how do you know?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: The big blue dots? It was a joke.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: Oh hee hee
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: do you think I am then?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: what… a fag?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: yeah
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: what do you think about when you masturbate
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: I don’t masturbate
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: yeah right
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: too often anyway
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: THERE ya go
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: maybe like three four times a wk
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: what do you think about
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: people
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: your wife?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: not really
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: your cousin?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: hell no
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: your brother-in-law?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: are you there?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: why did you say that
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: what?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: my broher in law
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: I hit a chord, didn’t I?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: what
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: you dig your brother-in-law
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: I should go
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: oh, shit… that’s totally it isn’t it?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: bye
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Dude… it’s all good.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: it was before I was married and it never happened again so I hardly think that makes me a fag
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Right. Everyone experiments.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: yeah
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: and it’s not like you’ve thought about it since then. Not since you got married. And definitely not while you masturbate.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: but what you think about then is just thoughts its just fantasy that doesn’t make me a fag
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Okay.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: you are messed up
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Yes I am.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: you sleep with people you don’t even know
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Right. As opposed to sleeping with people who are related to my fiancee, which is much healthier.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: that was five years ago.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Did ya fuck him?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: goodbye
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: or did he fuck you?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: which is worse?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: you mean, which one makes you more of a fag?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: yeah
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: LOL he totally fucked you, didn’t he?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: You big, nelly bottom!
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: I’m leaving
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: So!
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: so what?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: A needle pulling thread. Gotcha.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: La!
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: whut up
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: shut
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: a note to follow So!
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Ti! A drink with jam and bread!
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: STOP SINGING SOND OF MUSIC FAG
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: But I’m not back to Do yet. How will you know how it ends if I don’t bring it back to DO?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: SHUT UP I KNOW HOW IT ENDS
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Sorry, Liesl.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: goodbye
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: finish it for me
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Go ahead…
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: “And that brings us back to…?”
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: your goin to put this in your ass thing aren’t you
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: not if you finish the song for me
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: you are going to burn in hell with all other fag
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: Right. And you’ll be taking it up the ass in a dark alley two blocks down from the pearly gates.
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: IM NOT A FAG
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: you say no… but your perfectly tweezed eybrows say yes
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: are you going to finish the song?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: no
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: was that a typo?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: what
</FONT><FONT COLOR = CYAN>ShaneXtopher: You said “no” did you mean… by chance… “Do”?
</FONT><FONT COLOR = PINK>BillyBud: leave me alone</FONT>
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#30
Week 5, Day 1 - Double-decker Ass Sammich

Despite BillyBud's opinion to the contrary, I haven't been much of a whore lately. My last encounter with ass was almost a full week ago. Of course if I really wanted some ass I could just go get some. This is New York, after all, the city where at any time of day you can get hot pizza, live entertainment, and heaping helpings of ass. But I don't want anonymous ass. I want ass that happens to belong to someone I'm genuinely interested in. And is available. A profile nobody currently fits.

It was in the middle of feeling sorry for myself over this lack of ass that my friend Bethany Dun called and offered to take me out for dinner. Her boyfriend had recently broken up with her and she wanted to share with me an evening of drinking, conversation and retarded amounts of food.

She brought me to this cute little place on Cornelia Street, where we drank wine, laughed our asses off, and totally monjed on stewed calamari, endive salad, pan-seared crab cakes and roast duck. From there we went to a gay bar down the street from my apartment and had a fucking blast of a time. We went there because I knew Armando was working, and I was also hoping to bump into Sk8r Thug Nick, as this is where we met last week.

No sign of Nick, but Armando was there in all his adorableness. I can't stand how completely cute he is. When I went there last week with my former roommate, she told me I'd be a complete fool to not go after him. I dug him enough already, but confirmation never hurt.

As the night went on I wound up drinking waaaaay too much. I vaguely remember talking to Armando, and telling him that my ex-roommate had threatened to murder me if I didn't ask him out on a date. I think I recall him saying we should get together Sunday night at my favorite bar, but I'm not certain, because ACK! Drunk Shane.

As I left the bar for the night (completely plastered) I wound up chatting with a couple of guys who had also just left. I'm not sure exactly how it happened, because I was blackout-drunk, but I wound up taking them both home with me, where I experienced my first ever threesome. I'm just sorry I can't remember much of it. Including the name of the cute, bald Finnish guy. Or was he Swedish? Fuck if I know. But Adam I do remember... the cute boy with the spiky hair and glasses... Yum. I enjoyed his ass just as the one-week mark was about to hit. Talk about timing.

I just wish I could remember more of the experience.

Mental note: 2 glasses of wine + 6 rum&cokes + 5 beers = bad idea.

And YAY new category: Double Ass.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 24
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 14.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 13
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#31
Week 5, Day 2 - Post-Threesome Depression

I don't think I've ever been so hung over in my life. I awoke in the early afternoon and thought to myself 'Did I really do that last night?' The empty beer bottles and condom wrappers answered that question soon enough.

I spent much of the afternoon mourning my loss of memory... and my complete lack of self-control. Yes, the threesome was a new experience, and yes, I'm glad I had it, but I doubt I would have gone through with it had I not been so drunk. And given the chance to do it again I would certainly want to remember more. Like both names. I silently cursed the bald Finnish/Swedish guy as I realized my left nipple was actually pulsing from soreness.

It's been a long time since I've felt this worthless. And whorelike. And I'm trying not to let it get me down. I think a lot of this is forgiveable. I am, after all, the guy who held onto his virginity until the age of 29. All this that I'm going through, my search for ass... most people went through in their twenties. But I'm going through it now, and I have the experiences of a 30 year-old behind me, so I guess I'm in a better position than most.

This won't, however, stop me from being disgusted with myself on occasion. And, at times, ridiculously pleased with myself for my conquests. Today? Well... today was all about striking a balance between those two.

I did manage to find myself a silver lining amidst it all. Earlier in the evening, I saw a scrap of paper on my floor, and normally my instinct would be to throw it away, but this scrap of paper got examined first. And thank God it did. It was a phone number. Armando's. I was so drunk that I didn't even remember him giving it to me.

And assuming it's actually his, I'd say this is something to be proud of.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 25
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 14.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 14
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 4
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 
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ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#32
Week 5, Day 3 - Paradise, way too soon

Hawaii amazes me. I've never been able to travel much, due to lack of funds... but I've always wanted to see Hawaii. As a Pisces I feel a special connection with the ocean, and to be surrounded by so much of it would be heavenly. The weather... the breezes... the geology... and marine life... I've always imagined it to be as close as you can get on this earth to paradise.

I may finally be going to Hawaii. Keith phoned to tell me that if his next scan shows no progress in his 9-month fight with Hodgkin's Disease, he will most likely cease treatments altogether, then journey to Hawaii where he will spend his final days. He asked me to join him there, and I told him that I would. Without a doubt. No hesitation. Count me in. It will be challenging, and moving, and powerful, and devastatingly heartbreaking, but I will be there for him just as he's been there for me. Through anything and everything. And without hesitation. That's friendship, that's love, that's Keith.

But Hawaii terrifies me. What it now represents is so numbingly far from what I always felt it to be... It's still beautiful, I'm sure. The breezes still calm, the waves still lap and lull, in form and sound. Creatures and creations still fascinate and dazzle. It will be a paradise, but not the one I dreamed it to be. In my paradise there is no struggle, no pain, no tears, and good people, selfless people, people my own age... they don't die.
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#33
Week 5, Day 4 - Happy-Ass

It's been a challenging week. Between an old friend who no longer recognizes me, and a great friend who is facing the greatest challenge of his life, my guard is down. Prime time for weakness to spill in and overtake all the work I've done to feel better about everything I've become.

Which is why it became so crucial that I have a good night. I would not let it bother me that Wesley was being a flake, or that Nick never called back. (Both are totally out of the holding pattern now... fuckers) I was gonna have a GREAT FUCKING NIGHT. And I did, Garrammit.

My buddy Tim invited me to his housewarming party in Queens on Friday night, but I was scheduled to work, and I'm so poor right now I could be the tragic hero of an opera. But Jacob called me Thursday night and told me he'd be going to Tim's party and he hoped to see me there. If anyone can create a great fucking time out of thin-air, it's Jake. We've only been in each other's company on two occasions, but both times provided crazy amounts of fun. He's crazy. I'm crazy. We're a good damn team.

I called out of work, and phoned Jacob to see if he wanted to grab some dinner before the party. Fortunately he was in my neighborhood, so we grabbed a couple burgers and some $2 McSorley's at Corner Bistro. It didn't take long to remember why I dig Jake so much. He says what's on his mind, he's incredibly witty, and he's all about having a good damn time. Of course I was sure to ask how things are progressing with the guy he's dating... he told me things are good and pretty much left it at that.

By the time we reached the second bar, conversation got around to sex... and I felt very comfortable telling him where I'm at sexually, and he divulged the same information as it pertained to him. Definitely a few nice moments of sexual tension.

We eventually made it to Jake's apartment in Queens (he lives near Timbo) where we enjoyed a couple 24 oz. bottles of Colt 45 (only 99 cents) and a bottle of Rosemount Estates Shiraz which was meant to be a housewarming gift for Tim. Oops. Jake played his guitar and sang for me (dudes who play guitar and sing are even sexier than naked guys in workboots), occasionally forgetting words or fumbling over chords and exclaiming FUCK! We laughed and drank and bonded for a few hours... and eventually landed in his back yard, where he told me 'You need to know that if I weren't dating someone I would so be all over you right now.' This of course pleased me to no end. I dig Jake a ton. But I do not want to fuck up anything he's got going on, and I re-confirmed that. I just love having him in my life. And if things develop between us romantically, then they will. In time.

And GOD DAMN he is so fucking stacked. 6'3", blonde hair, blue eyes. Amazing body. And I discovered he just got a membership at my gym, so we're going to be workout buddies. Total trouble.

We eventually made it to Tim's party, where Jake promptly grabbed Tim and took him away for a talk. Tim pulled me aside shortly thereafter and informed me that Jake said he wanted to jump me, but he was being a good boy. Then one of Jake's other friends let me know that she felt Jake was 'totally into me.' A few beers later, Jake pulled me into Tim's roommate's bedroom, where he took off his shirt and poured beer on his chest, which I promptly licked off. I had no idea where this came from, but I did not object. And it was over like that. Back to the party.

We drank for a while longer, then headed back to his place where we promptly stripped to our boxer-briefs, climbed into his bed, and *drumroll* went to sleep. There was cuddling, there was sleeping. And there was nothing else. And it was perfect. Exactly what we both needed, what we were willing to supply, and what made sense for us to do.

We woke up way too early and spent five hours lounging in his bed, cuddling, and laughing our asses off over silly, random things before I finally had to leave and go to work.

He asked me at one point in the night how my week was, and I let him know how challenging it's been, and why... and he asked me if he could do anything to help, and my response was simply 'You're doing it.'

He's not even here now, and he's still doing it. He's making me very fucking happy. Friend or otherwise, we'll see what happens... But either way, he makes my ass happy.

And he hasn't even touched it.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 27
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 14.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 14
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 2 (Jake, Armando)
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#34
Week 5, Day 5 - Ass Mail

Time to answer some letters... which are always welcome. Slip one into my message box, email me at <A HREF = mailto:shanextopher@aol.com>this here clicky link</A> or find me in person and slide it directly into my ass.

<I><font color = pink>I was just wondering, do the guys, whose ass you get, know about this journal?</font>

<font color = cyan>What journal?

Heh, heh, heh.

Seriously though... What kind of guy would have sex with someone they knew was going to write about it for an audience? Of course, on the other, more nicely developed hand (which in my case is the right)... What kind of guy has sex with people then writes about it on the internet without ever telling the people he has sex with?

It's an issue of ethics, and is something I've debated. Telling someone beforehand 'I will be sharing the intimate details of this experience with a potential audience of thousands' might elicit some interesting reactions.

So to answer your question... no, these guys don't know. But out of fairness to them the names have been changed (Except for Jesse Jackson. Yes, I dated the Reverend.) and a good deal of personal details are left out. The only experience I've really gone into explicit detail with was the straight guy, and as far as he goes... he was using the experience (and me) to write about in his screenplay. I'd say it's fair trade for me to return the favor in this venue.</font>

<font color = 'pink'>Why are you afraid/ashamed of anonymous sex? If I were as attractive as you say you are, and living in your location, and into guys, I would be having sex every night and twice on Tuesdays.</font>

<font color = 'cyan'>As I mentioned previously, I lost my virginity last October. I'm talking ass virginity, i.e. the first time I ever had anal sex, as a bottom, was last October. The first time I ever had anal sex as a top was a few days later. Sex to me has always been an uncomfortable concept. Clearly I've become much more comfortable in the recent months, but I still have held onto my belief that sex should carry with it some importance. I'm no angel... I've had my hook-ups, but what I crave is sex with someone I care deeply for. And once I realize I don't have romantic feelings for someone (as is the case with Darryl Davidson and the Reverend) it becomes impossible for me to want to be with them sexually at all.

As I've said previously... this is NYC. If I wanted anonymous sex, I could have it delivered. There are always hundreds of NYC-based men looking for instant sex... online... in clubs... bathhouses... Most of them are Yankees fans, interestingly enough. Some are even Yankees.</font>

<font color = pink>I love love love your ass journal. not only do you crack me up, you also have a vulnerability and sensitivity I find incredibly appealing. if you were straight would you date me?</font>

<font color = cyan>Yes, if I were straight, I would date you. But only if I were a straight woman and you were a hot guy. I'd give up my own cock before I ever gave up cock altogether.</font></I>

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 28
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 14.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 14
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 2 (Jake, Armando)
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#35
Week 5, Day 6 - Another Ass Bites the Dust

Another long-ass work day in Brooklyn.

On my way back to Manhattan I called Armando to see if he was still thinking about joining me for a drink at my favorite bar. I was secretly hoping he wasn't, so maybe he picked up on my vibes because he never called. While I was getting ready for bed Jacob called and invited me to join him and some of his friends for drinks. I gracefully declined, since it was so damn late (and because it's good to not always be available). We set plans for our first gym date (yay gym buddy!) and I called it a night, but not before crossing Armando off the list, leaving only Jacob in a holding pattern.

Looks like Jake is the Lone Assman.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 29
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 14.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 14
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: Jacob
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#36
Week 5, Day 7 - I Wanna Hold Your Ass

Jake and I had a gym date at 5pm and by the time we got there it was so packed we decided instead to go somewhere to enjoy good food and conversation. We spent a few hours together... I can't even begin to tell you how much we enjoy each other's company. He helped me pick out rollerblades (I've never rollerbladed in my life... I may want to start a journal... See How Very Bruised I Get?) and then we hung out at my apartment and fucked around with my guitar for a while before he headed off to a birthday party for an old friend.

I promised him I'd help him move tomorrow morning... and then we have another gym date at noon. I am loving the amount of time we're spending together.

And hot DAMN does his ass look fine in mesh gym shorts. It made me weak, dude.

Shortly after Jacob left my hottie Kentucky-boy roommate Stephen got home and begged me to join him for a drink at a bar in Chelsea. Seemed he'd agreed to meet an ex of his for a drink, and was kind of fretting the potential disaster quotient, so I played the fairy godmother/chaperone/date foil for him in the event he wanted to leave after a couple of drinks. His ex was kind of a dweeb, and not at all interested in talking to me... in fact he seemed kind of bitter that I was there. So rather than even bothering to talk to the two of them, I watched Jackass: The Movie, which was playing at the bar, and occasionally smirked at the only mildly-cute guy on my left who kept trying to make conversation until he finally scowled and set off to find a more eager treat.

Stephen eventually gave me the signal that he was ready to leave by asking "Where'd you get those shorts?" We'd earlier agreed on that as our secret let's-leave-now code. I had suggested "Man, do I need to get fucked!" but he thought maybe his ex would get the wrong idea. So he asked me where I got my shorts, and I told him I couldn't remember but *yawn* I'm so tired and could we go home please.

When stopped for pizza then went back to 3A where we talked sex, something we'd never done since his arrival a couple weeks ago. It was nice to bond with him, and nice to see that YES, two hot gay guys CAN be friends and nothing more.

A few minutes after we marveled at the joys of friendship, I took him to my room and fucked him silly.

Okay, kidding.

And you totally believed me, didn't you?

Suckers.


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 30
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 15.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 14
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: Jacob
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#37
Week 6, Day 1 - Breathing room

Jake couldn't get his sister's car... so we postponed the moving and went to the gym. As much as I'd love to say I was concentrating on the workout, I was honestly hypnotized by Jacob's ridiculously nice body. I seriously think each and every one of his muscles has been toned specifically for the purpose of messing with my head. It took some serious control, but I got through it in one piece. I'd say I hope it gets easier with time, but I don't ever want to not be thrilled by seeing his body. I initially thought I was going to totally embarass myself with him, as I hadn't worked out in close to a month, but we worked the same weights for approximately the same number of reps for each exercise we did. Yay to big, strong Shane.

Later in the night I had class... where I discovered there's a new guy. Tate. From Texas. I have such a weakness for Texas boys, let me tell you. Great body... nice and thick... fine ass. Sexy damn accent. And the strangest fucking thing happened. As the class went on, and I saw more of what he's about... I realized he's not just a pretty face. He's also an incredibly cool guy. Very bright, very kind. And also a former fatty. And instead of wanting to lick him I suddenly found myself wanting to be his friend. What is up with me?

After class, I surprised myself by going to my Tuesday bar... where I'd met Sk8r thug Nick, and the threesome twosome (one of whom was named Adam, and the other was bald and either Finnish or Swedish), and where Armando works... Armando wasn't there, but there was a whole slew of cute guys.

It was only after I walked in that I began to question why I'd gone. Maybe I was lonely. Maybe I just wanted some ass. Or some conversation? Being there alone is a vastly different experience than going with a friend. In loner status I was approached left and right... guys trying to make small-talk... some offering to buy me a drink... some grabbing my arm or my ass (which always pisses me off). And this fratboy Abercrombie guy blatantly propositioned me for sex. He was fucking hot, completely stacked, killer sexy eyes... I was flattered as hell, and more than a bit interested, but I declined.

Take a penny, leave a penny.

One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Serve. Volley. Rotate.

I hung out for a few drinks... and saw some yummy treats, but my mind was other places. Lots of Jake thoughts, which were good. Lots of Shane thoughts: also good.

And a ton of Keith thoughts. He told me the other night that he's on oxygen now... he carries a tank with him wherever he goes, and I tried to imagine myself in his situation... an incredibly sexy guy, just turned 30, slowly withering away. I wondered, if I were going through what he is... and I were standing in this bar... with no hair... all my muscle gone... a hose in my nostrils and an oxygen tank at my side... if anyone would even want to look me in the eye, let alone offer to buy me a drink or serve up some chitchat.

These were the thoughts I was having as Abercrombie Guy's voice melted into the music. If You're Gone by Matchbox 20, the lyrics to which I listened to for the first time. And I found it so fucking sad. And when it was over I put my drink down, and the drink Abercrombie had bought for me, and without a word I went home.

It was just around eleven. As I got ready for bed I cursed at the muscles which were getting sore from the workout... and when I saw myself in the mirror I realized I need a haircut... and then I wanted a cigarette so fucking badly, for about two minutes, until I remembered Keith. I called him... and I didn't mention my sore muscles or my need for a haircut or my jonesing for a smoke.

After we hung up, I listened to that damn Matchbox 20 song again, then I lay in bed and just listened to myself breathe... felt my stomach rise and fall... I can't recall a single thought I had throughout this... I just listened and felt and breathed and forgot about absolutely everything.

...until the darkness faded from my room and the sounds of early morning in the city reminded me that life was indeed going on outside my tiny little bedroom in the West Village.


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 31
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 19.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 14
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: Jacob
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#38
Week 6, Day 2 - Assochism

I got so little sleep that when Jacob called at 9 am to see if I would still help him move, I didn't even answer the phone. When I finally woke up just past noon I called him immediately and apologized profusely, explaining that I couldn't get to sleep and I totally slept through his call. He let me know that just about everything he moved was fairly small stuff, and he still had his bed, desk and other large things to move later in the week, and he insisted I not feel bad for not being able to help, as it was really not a big task. He seemed much more concerned with why I couldn't sleep, which really touched me.

After work I started walking to the restaurant where Jake works... not to see him, but to visit his friend Mike who bartends there, with whom I had previously hit it off on a friendly level. I knew Jake had the night off, but the closer I got to his workplace the more stalkerish I felt, particularly since I fond myself wondering if he might currently be out with the guy he's dating, whose name is also Mike, so I went back to my apartment.

I made a phone call to Nick, the skater thug from my Tuesday bar who hasn't called me since we met over two weeks ago. It was a bit masochistic on my part, but I think I called because I do feel kinda cheap about how we met and I'm hoping we can get to know each other a little and like... retroactively do things the right way, which I guess is kinda like trying to glaze the donut after you've already eaten it. We spoke briefly... he said he was at work and he'd call me back, but as the night went on I realized he wasn't going to call. Guess he belongs in the circular donut file.

Unable to sleep... again... I wound up going across the street to my favorite bar, where I hadn't been in quite some time. It was nice to see some familiar faces, but I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be in the company of some familiar people and some good music. I stayed for a couple of hours, then went home and finally fell asleep as the sun was rising.


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 32
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 19.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 14
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: Jacob
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#39
Week 6, Day 3 - This Ass the Moment

I worked in Brooklyn... it was past midnight when I got out, but I'd told Jake I would call him. He said he'd been planning on getting to bed pretty early, since he wanted to finish his move the next day, so I was a bit reluctant to call, though he'd asked that I do so no matter how late it was. So I was a bit surprised to hear the unmistakable sounds of a mostly-full bar in the background when he answered. He insisted I come meet him in Hell's Kitchen at the same bar I'd been to with Jesse Jackson weeks ago (with the pricy drinks and the hot boys and the ink blots on the wall), then travel back to Queens with him to spend the night so we could get up and move in the morning.

Hee, hee, hee. Like I'm gonna say no to spending the night with him.

I must have been given the wrong address because I couldn't find the place. So I called Jake, and he gave me the correct address, and he told me 'We're sitting near the front door.' Of course I was curious who the 'we' was, so I asked.

'I'm with Mike,' he said. 'Hurry up.'

He was with Mike. A.K.A. the guy he's dating. Mister Perfect Body. Mister Real Job. Mister Large Income. I was so completely not ready to meet this guy. And I was instantly angry at Jacob for putting me in this position with no chance to prepare myself. When I got to the bar, I could not go inside. I paced a bit, and wondered who I could call for advice, but it was too late to call anyone without pissign them off so I dialed my automated bank hotline and pretended I talking to a friend. I did this because I was too nervous to go inside, and I knew if I just plain left Jake would be pissed. Particularly if he'd already seen me out the window.

The pleasant pre-recorded voice asked me if I wanted access to my checking account or savings account. I told her it was nice to hear her voice too, and that my week had been CRAAAZZY and I had class Tuesday night, so that was no good, in fact my schedule is crazy all week long and if we're going to get together it'll probably have to wait until after my parents visit in mid-August.

After a few minutes of this, Jake's bartender buddy from where he works came outside and said 'There you are!'

'Hey, Mike!' I smiled, wondering if Jake was soon to follow, which of course he was.

'You're on the <i>phone</i>?' He groaned as he reached for my cell.

'I'll call you tomorrow,' I told the bank lady as Jacob wrapped his hand around my phone. I quickly hit the End button as Jake pulled the phone away from me and said into it 'Hello? Buh-bye,' before handing it back to me. 'Come on. Let's get a drink,' he said.

I was nervous as hell as I entered. I did not want to meet the dreaded other man. Jake introduced me to a few people, each of whom I felt certain was the man I feared, but none of them were.

'So how was your day?' I asked Jake through clenched teeth, after the introductions were over.

'Shitty. I'm trashed.'

When I asked him what had happened he basically said Mike had blown him off tonight, and he'd been messing up a lot lately, and he was pretty much all done with him. 'I don't care how much time you spend in the gym. If you piss me off, you're done,' he said.

I quickly put two and two together and realized the Mike he had earlier been referring, the Mike he was with tonight, was Mike his bartender friend from work.

D'oh! All the tension in my body seeped out. I literally fell backward into my chair and was instantly in a great mood, though of course I still hurt for Jake. I grabbed his leg and smiled at him to let him know things would work out how they're meant to.

'I'm really glad you're here,' he smiled. 'Now finish your beer and let's go home.'

We flirted a bit during the cab ride to Queens, and it became apparent to me that Jake was indeed pretty trashed. When we got into his apartment, he took off his clothes (except his underwear) and climbed into bed, and just looked at me. God damn. I can't describe how incredible he looked. His body is simply perfect. Exactly the body I want. And he was smiling at me... and there was magic in his eyes. I took my clothes off (except my underwear) and motioned to the light switch. He nodded his head and I flicked the light off before climbing into his bed and his arms. He pressed himself into me and nuzzled my neck, then moved his mouth to meet mine. I had been imagining this since I met him. And with Mike out of the picture... but was he really?

Jake stopped as I told him "I dig you a ton, dude. You know that. But I want us to do this the right way."

"I know. I know," he groaned. "I'm trashed. And I'm mad at my not-boyfriend."

"I know. So let's just chill. You... see things through with Mike. And we'll see what happens." I nestled into his chest, wrapped my arms around him and gave him a quick kiss.

"Let's go to sleep," he said. And we did.

Now... my question is... am I like... a total model of self-control? Am I playing this smart? Or am I the world's largest idiot to have not had crazy monkey sex with this man who is quite possibly perfect for me?

I just hope this works out. Primarily because I really think I deserve it.

But also... it's doing a number on my Ass Tally.


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 33
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 19.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 14
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: Jacob
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#40
Week 6, Day 4 - Cross-town Ass

I helped move Jake's ass to the East Village. This wasn't as sucky an experience as it could potentially have been, particularly given the fact that his new apartment is a fiifth story walk-up, and many of his belongings were of the retardedly heavy variety.

But in all honesty, I had a blast. Got a chance to be tough, lift heavy things, and totally work my glutes.

That's Gym-ese for ass, by the way.

We celebrated the successful move with a rooftop breakfast, where we enjoyed some yummy food, a great view, and each other's company. After we ate he invited me to take a nap in his loft bed while he tried to arrange his room. We hadn't gotten too much sleep the previous evening and were both fairly exhausted, so I wasn't up there long before he came and joined me. It is so nice to fall asleep with someone you care about. This isn't something I've really had the opportunity to do a lot... I mean I've snuggled with friends... and had guys sleep over after obtaining their asses, but for it to be someone I totally dig... Sigh. Joy. Yeah.

When I got to work, I talked to Timbo about how things are going... and for the first time since this whole thing with Jacob began Tim seemed a bit reserved in the cheerleading department. He told me to watch out, that Jake can be fickle, and in fact he'd had his heart broken by Jake in the past.

I wondered why Tim hadn't mentioned this up front. Why he felt so strongly about the two of us being a great match... and neglecting to share some pretty crucial info. ANd then I realized... even if I had known all this up front, it wouldn't have stopped me. And it won't stop me now. WIll I be a bit more cautious? Maybe. But I dig the fuck outta Jake. Period. I am anxious to see where things go. He still needs to deal with his not-boyfriend Mike. And even if he does call it off with him, which I sense he will, I don't think it'd be good for us to jump into something right away.

The pursuit has been way too fun.


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 5
Days w/o Ass: 34
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 19.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 14
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: Jacob
Repeat Ass: 2
Denied-Access Ass: 1
Double Ass: 1
 
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