See How Much Ass I Get?

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#1
Hi.

This is my new journal. It's about how much ass I get.

Of course for now, it's a bit hypothetical, since I am only keeping track of ass I get starting today. But before anyone starts taking bets on how much ass I do or do not get, you should probably know a few things.

1. I am gay.

2. I am attractive.

3. I just moved to the West Village.

Hopefully this information will help you forecast accurately my chances to obtain some ass. And hopefully you can see how potentially engaging this thread may be on a sociological level!

I think that's all for now. Time to go get me some ass!
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#2
Day 1 - No ass.

I didn't get any ass today. I did flirt with a customer at work though and he seemed very nice. I would have given him my number, but I was feeling kind of shy. Maybe he'll come in sometime and ask for me to wait on him, and I can give him my number then! Or ask him for his. I'm not really sure how that should work, but he was definitely cute.

So 24 hours in the Village, and no ass to report yet.

But hey! The night is young! Maybe ass awaits me around the next corner...

The Ass Tally thus far:

Days with Ass: 0
Days w/o Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#3
Day 2 - Closer I am to Ass.

Just when I thought things couldn't look more bleak... I went to my favorite bar last night and had a brush with ass. I was sitting at the bar enjoying a club soda with a splash of cranberry (alcohol makes me relax too much... and sometimes I get aggressive and sexual) when outside the window I saw a very cute guy. I thought about pretending to be a smoker so I could go and ask him for a light. I still wonder, even the next day, what it might have been like to have talked to him for a minute or so.

Instead I sat next to a really nice guy and we talked for a while. I'm not interested in his ass at all, even though I bet we could have 'hooked it up' if you know what I mean. While he drank Coronas he told me about how much he likes MP3's, and he made notes on his PDA about songs he'd like to download when he gets home. Really nice guy.

So... still no ass. But it's getting nearer.

The Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 0
Days w/o Ass: 2
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#4
Day 3 - What is Ass?

I'm having trouble deciding what exactly should be counted as ass. Should only ass in its purest form be counted? Because one could argue if one had sexual relations with another, that one might have a fine time without bringing the ass into it at all, and still be able to claim 'I got me some ass' the next day. I mean there are lots of things you can do in bed that don't involve the use of the ass, or ass-centric practices such as ass-touching and other, more advanced things, some of which involve beads. (?)

I still plan to continue my quest for ass, but now I guess I need to be a little more sensitive to what exactly ass is. I guess I'll know when I get some.

I had a date last night, by the way, with a guy I met on the internet, and while we did hold hands (and kiss once) there was definitely no ass.

The Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 0
Days w/o Ass: 3

Do any of you have ass for me?
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#5
Day 4 - Interlude from female ass

It's only a few days into my journal (and my quest for ass) and I've already received fan mail! And from a female source of ass, no less. In Karaoke duet-style, she will have a pink font, and mine will be blue.
<font color = pink><I>
Hi.

Well, it's good that you're so comfortable with yourself as to admit to being an attractive gay man. Just out of curiosity, where do you obtain your enthusiasm? I am not looking for that exactly, just a reason to get up in the morning. What's your secret? (Besides all the ass you're getting?) You can write me back if you want. Sorry if I seem weird to be asking you this, but it helps to know what works for other people in case it happens to work for me to, and I just don't know it. Thanks.

Lauren
</font>
<font color = cyan>
Dear Lauren,

I could go on and on about how I came to be an attractive gay man. But I think what it all boils down to is inner happiness. If you're at peace on the inside, it's only a matter of time before the outside catches up. Unless you're hideous, and in that case there's not much to be done, unless you have hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend on plastic surgery. I suppose it might be possible to be beautiful on the inside and ugly on the outside. Though if that is the case, the ugly person should probably aim low.

Best Wishes, and may you find lots of ass,

Shane
</font></I>

Maybe I'll have more letters to respond to as my ass-journaling continues.

As for the ass-hunting... Last night I dressed in my Flash shirt (which I took the sleeves off of to show off my arms) and some American Eagle skate shorts (so I could show off my calves) and I went to my favorite bar. A fit 40-ish guy from Chicago sat next to me, and touched my right arm (the one without the tattoo) three times before he even spoke to me. I wasn't attracted to him at all, but know for sure I could have had his older - but likely taut - ass. I'm setting quite the precedent for passing on available ass, aren't I?

Then later on my friend M. Hammer called and invited me to meet him and his friend down the street at another bar. His friend's name is something like Ban or Fan. When M. Hammer left, *an and I got a couple of drinks back at my favorite bar. We talked for a couple of hours, about Robbie Williams, about our murual friend M. Hammer, and about me being a F.F. (Former Fatty) Did you know that I'm a Former Fatty?

After a few beers each, we wound up kissing. After a lot of this, I invited him back to my place, but he said he didn't want to be 'that guy'. I think he meant 'that guy who goes home with another guy the first time they meet,' though I wonder if he might have subconsciously meant 'that first guy who supplies you with West Village Ass for you to write about in your journal.' I asked him if he'd like to go on a date with me, and he replied 'Only if it's not a date.' He would prefer to call it 'hanging out.' We're going to hang out soon.

When I got home I talked online to some guy who works in PR for a major political party (I think there are two), and whose name is not short for Christopher. I mentioned twice during our conversation that I thought he had beautiful eyes, even though he was wearing sunglasses in his pic. He thanked me graciously both times. This was unsettling to me.

Three brushes with ass in one night! I will now add Brushes with Ass to my Ass Tally, even going so far as to include Brushes with Ass from previous days. I will count Internet Ass as .5 Brushes with Ass.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 0
Days w/o Ass: 4
Brushes with Ass: 6.5

It's Saturday Night! Anyone care for some ass?
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#6
Day 5 - Ass Blip on Radar

I had my second date last night with the guy from a few days ago. The one I met on the internet, and whose hand I held, and whom I kissed once? I'll call him Jesse Jackson. He took me out for dinner (for which he paid) and then we went to this swanky new gay bar on W 52nd that has big Rorschach blots on the walls, and we had drinks (for which he paid). He introduced me to many of his friends, all of whom are in their mid-20's, all tan, all great bodies and model looks. I felt like I was trapped in an episode of Queer as Folk. Then we went bowling (for which he paid).Then Jesse Jackson took me home. And guess what?

NO ASS!

If a nice-looking gay guy like myself can't get some ass on a Saturday night, then maybe there is something seriously wrong! I thought of many things. I thought about all those dateless years in my early twenties, when all I did was eat cookies and wish I was good-looking. I thought about the difficult road I've travelled, to go from fat to fit, or at least to fitter. And then I thought about calling my search for ass quits. Or at least taking an ass sabbatical.

And then today came. I woke up in the early afternoon to the sounds of my phone. It was Jesse Jackson. He was in my neighborhood and wanted to stop by to say hello. When he arrived he brought me flowers (for which he paid... I assume), then we made out a lot, and then I got some! I got some ass! I got me some fine, gay ass!

I feel renewed.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 1
Days w/o Ass: 4
Brushes with Ass: 7.5

I hope to not get any ass tomorrow, as a day of rest might be good. It will just make me appreciate Tuesday's prospective ass that much more.
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#7
Day 6 - Exploring the Ass

I got some mail, and it makes me sad, because I feel like I've been PULLING THE WOOL OVER EVERYONE'S EYES. ***INCLUDING MYSELF!*** That should be blinking. I don't know how to make that blink.

In honor of male/female duet Karaoke, and the set of the 80's TV gameshow Scrabble, I'll post the letter in pink and my response in blue.

<font color = 'pink'><I>Well - congratufreakinglations on the ass! I have to say that after reading your first post I wasn't expecting it to take the better part of a week - you seem very confident in your pursuit of ass. Anyway - you enjoy that ass!</I></font>

Actually I can't even scape up a response to put in a blue font. Because here I am in Day 6, and I'm questioning whether the ass I obtained on Day 5 can technically be considered Capital A-S-S ass. I mean... there was nakedness between myself and Jesse Jackson, (that includes, by the way, the removal of socks - despite gay porn mores. A lot of people, in gay porn and in non-porn 'real' sex, do leave their socks on. But I just don't agree with it. I mean I'm not a foot guy or anything, (or anti-foot,) but when you're naked you should be naked. Sockless naked. Unless you have workboots. Naked guys in workboots? Fuckin' hot. Agreed?) And Jesse Jackson and I had simultaneous orgasms, but this was not due to any sort of ass contact, or 'ass play' as some might call it.

So this brings me back to my earlier debate. WHAT EXACTLY IS ASS? Am I kidding myself to say I got some ass from Jesse Jackson? Can I, with confidence, say that at all? I just don't know. I am uncertain of what to do with today's Ass Tally. I just don't feel right counting Jesse Jackson's ass. I'm going to hold off on this until I get some feedback.

If you read this, please take a moment to send me a message. Answer me whether A) I can count my experience with Jesse Jackson as Ass, and B) where you stand on the sock/workboot issue. Oh and C) explain html code for making important things blink. You can reply here or email me at <A HREF = mailto:ShaneXtopher@aol.com>this link where you can click to send me an email if you want</A> to.

Ass Tally:

There is no Ass Tally today.
 
Last edited:

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#8
Day 7 - It's my party, and I'll ass if I want to

I'm astounded to say I received several emails and private messages, and the overwhelming response was this:

<font color = pink><I>Darlin, It's your journal so you get to define what counts as ass and what doesn't.</I></font>

and this:

<font color = pink><I>HELL YA naked men in work boots!!!!!! WOOOHOOO BABY</I></font>

And even a little of this:

<font color = pink><I>I enjoy your journel, you should detail more if they let you. You should put a pic on the journal to so we could see you.</I></font>

What this all leads me to believe is that I do wield the power, and I should count Day 5 with Jesse Jackson not as ass but rather as 'ass-free play', which adds a new category.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 0
Days w/o Ass: 6
Days with Ass-free Play: 1
Brushes with Ass: 7.5
 
Last edited:

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#9
Week 2, Day 1

Okay, this gets graphic.

I went to seven different bars last night, where I got a grand total of four phone numbers, all of which I stored in my cell phone, which I left in a cab on the way from XL to Bowery Bar.

I wound up going home with a co-worker, a bad idea, but we were drunk and he's really cute. We had some Ass-free play, then he stumbled back to Jersey.

Then, later...

I went outside my apartment to use a pay phone to call T-Mobile and report my phone missing. And I met some potential ass... Scott or Jason. He's an airline pilot. Very sexy. Wild blonde hair, 5 o'clock shadow, nice body. And he's looking for this bar, he has the address, but I've never heard of it. So we look for the place but we can't find it. And it's 4:30 am so it would be closed anyway.

He asks me if I want a beer, and I'm like... well, everything's closed, and he says we can buy a six-pack and drink it in my apartment. At this point I'm fucking blitzed, but he's hot, and I'm thinking 'ass!' so I say okay. We get a sixpack of Michelob Ultra, and head up to my apartment, where he's nice enough to let me use his cell phone to call the good people at T-Mobile.

We hang out, we chitchat... he tells me he's also a screenwriter. By this point his hand is on my leg. He tells me a little bit about this screenplay he's writing with his best friend who is also a pilot. It's about a pilot. And by this point his hand is on my dick. I kiss him. The clothes are off, and the pursuit of ass is on.

We fuck around for a little while before he tells me the kissing is doing nothing for him. And I'm like... how come? Feeling a little insulted and shit. And he tells me he's straight.

Ta-kow!

So at first I'm like... straight ass. Hot. And then I'm like... ummmm... if you're straight, why are you playing with my cock? To which he explains he needs to know - for his screenplay - what it's like to get fucked. And I'm like... Okay, so you want me to fuck you? And he asks 'Is that okay?' So I weigh this very, VERY quickly in my mind, and I grab a condom and my lube, and pause for just a moment to explain to him just how much it's going to hurt, and he's like Really? Why? I roll my eyes at the newbie and ask him to take a good look at my dick.

And I'm not trying to brag, but it's important to the story to know that I got me a nice-sized dick.

I hope my Mom isn't reading this.

So he senses the possible problem, but we try, and it's fun, but it's just not happening, so we stop, and then he proceeds to play with my dick for like a half hour. And at one point he looks up at me with this big grin and says 'This is kinda fun.'

And I'm just like 'Heh, heh, heh.'

Eventually he got dressed, we swapped info, he kissed me goodbye, scratched his face and told me I need to shave.

So in one night I got four phone numbers, some Ass-free play AND some ass! And I need to add two new categories.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 1
Days w/o Ass: 6
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 7.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 4
Straight Man Ass: 1
 
Last edited:

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#10
Week 2, Day 2

In telling the story of my recent acquisition of Straight Man Ass, I've noticed a few things. My gay male friends are jealous, my straight female friends are threatened, and my straight male friends are afraid they might be next. The dyke jury is still out, as I don't actually know any.

Another observation is that when I drink for twelve consecutive hours, work the following day is really not at all fucking easy or pleasant or quiet.

My co-worker (Marco - the one I brought home) made an appearance, and was eager to point out the slight hickey I gave him. Very slight. Maybe one shade off. Like doodling on a peach with an orange crayon. He was also quick to tell me that he was having a date that night, and as he did so, he made an eager face and left space for me to insert my jealous response, of which there would be none.

See, where Marco and I are different... Marco likes to get fucked. He likes to get drunk, he likes to get picked up by guys, he doesn't want to have a relationship, and he sees no need for men to have passion, a goal, a career, a desire for family or a greater sense of completion than one can receive from a string of mindless fuck-a-thons.

I, on the other hand, want someone I can spend my life with. Inspire and be inspired by. Do the family thing. Tackle infinity. Do the Forever. Gettin' ass is great, I will make no bones about that (rah-rah, ass-boom-bah!) but I think we all know there's more out there to be had than ass.

But this isn't a journal about all that. It's a journal about ass. Seeking ass, finding ass, pounding ass. So let me get back to...

Ass. I was dragging mine all day at work. I made lousy money, but I did get one phone number. No ass. No ass-free Play. No brushes with ass. One stinkin' phone number, a painful hangover, and a potentially uncomfortable work situation I got my own damn self into due to my relentless search... for ass.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 1
Days w/o Ass: 7
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 7.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 5
Straight Man Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#11
Week 2, Day 3

I'm in a bit of a quandary as to how to count this. I was at my favorite bar last night, and I was approached by someone who was very interested in me. This person announced an ass-centric desire to me, through drunken syllables that sounded mysteriously like "You look like you know how to have a great time fuckin'." Of course what threw me most was that these words came out of the mouth a fairly nice-looking woman in her late 30's.

I turned to my good friend Fred Sally and mouthed 'Help!' to which he mouthed a reply of 'No!'

I turned back to her and told her that I was flattered, but not interested, at which point she looked at me, crestfallen, and asked "Whyyy?" with her eyes all big and moist. And bloodshot. I felt instantly terrible for her. I got the distinct impression that my declining of her drunken advances was, to her, the nail in her 'I'm getting old' coffin. That's how sad she looked.

So I explained to her that I'm gay, at which point she looked me up and down and said "No you're not. You're not gay. You're straight." She grabbed my left bicep and squeezed it, then my left pec and did the same, and announced to anyone who'd listen, "He's straight! This guy is straight and he's going home with me!"

The few people in the bar who knew me had a good laugh at this, and Fred Sally replied with "Go, Shane! Take her home!" I was about to argue more fervently in defense of my gayness when she slipped off her barstool and tripped into a table, knocking several drinks over. Her friends helped her out the door, and that was it for the sad straight chick.

I'm reluctantly counting this as a Brush with Ass and hoping that the upcoming Pride Weekend brings me some fine gay male ass.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 1
Days w/o Ass: 8
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 8.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 5
Straight Man Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#12
Week 2, Day 4 - The Ass That Changed Everything

Pride weekend is definitely here. Its arrival is marked with the following statistics which I accummulated during events that transpired last night at my favorite bar.

Potential Ass who...

A. Touched my ass: 4
B. Were requested to refrain from touching my ass: 2
C. Gave me the full body-scan (as noticed by me): 7 (estimated)
D. Approached me to have a conversation: 3
E. Asked for my phone number: 3
F. Were given my phone number: 1
G. Gave me their phone number: 1
H. Used the phrase "I would love to see you naked": 1
I. Saw me naked: 1 (not the same as H)
J. Graduated from Potential Ass to Actual Ass: 1 (same as I)

Which does the following to the...

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 2
Days w/o Ass: 8
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 10.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 6
Straight Man Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#13
Week 2, Day 5 - Nasty Ass

Last night was the night before Pride Day, and I had to work in Brooklyn, so by the time I got back to the Village I was exhausted. I promised myself I would not go out, but my good friend Fred Sally called and invited me to join him at my favorite bar.

While there, I wound up befriending a really cute drunk girl named Amy-Anne, and her excessively gay and not-at-all attractive friend Bruce. We closed the bar, and the two of them still wanted to hang out, so we headed back to my apartment. The second we got in the door, Bruce just totally started to maul me. Like not even a hand touch or a peck first... he just fucking grabbed me and basically started trying to lick the roof of my mouth. I pushed him off and politely told him to stop, but in reality I wanted to deck the fucker. I hate the fact that there are gay guys out there that assume all other gay gys want to hook up with them. And the fucking balls of this guy to just fucking maul me like that, after I had showed zero interest in him sexually? Totally pissed me off.

So the three of us hung out in my apartment for a while, had a drink, smoked a joint, and then they left. I was so totally turned off by this guy... not at all how I wanted to usher in Gay Pride Day.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 2
Days w/o Ass: 9
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 11.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 6
Straight Man Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#14
Week 2, Day 6 - Gay Ass Day

Yesterday was Gay Pride Day here in NYC.

My pursuit of ass took the backseat for the first part of the day, as I enjoyed the company of some good friends, including Rich, a guy from work whose sexuality has always been a bit hard to pin down. We were joined by Veronica, a good friend of mine from home who just moved to the city, and Diane, my 19 year-old virgin roommate. The parade was not our focal point, instead we reveled in the social atmosphere created by the event. We spent some time drinking at my apartment, and then went to my favorite bar, which was ridiculously packed.

Later in the day I met up with Darryl, with whom I've been on a couple dates. Things got a little confusing when Tim (a friend from work) showed up with Jacob, an insanely cute guy Tim has been trying to fix me up with for about three weeks now. I spent most of my time talking with Jacob, and Darryl wound up turning into a bit of a prick and going home early, so I spent the rest of my evening getting to know Jacob. No ass, just some smooching and dancing and a genuinely great time. What turns me on so much about Jacob is the fact that he's secure in his sexuality, and is very masculine. He's also not a total whore, which may put a damper on my Ass Tally, but at least gives me the hopes that we may be a bit compatible in what we're looking for.

Oh, and Rich made out with Tim. What is it with people making out with co-workers lately?

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 2
Days w/o Ass: 10
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 12.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 8
Straight Man Ass: 1
 
Last edited:

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#15
Week 2, Day 7 - Tired Ass

Day after Gay Ass Day. I was so fucking exhausted I slept nearly the whole damn assing day. I was awake from noon-2pm, then awoke again at 8pm to a phone call from Darryl. We highlighted the fact that we're both looking for different things... he wants freedom after a two-year relationship and I'm not entirely sure what I want but I really like the idea of having a boyfriend. I'm uncertain as to what my approach will be from here. He's fucking GREAT in bed, and I would surely miss the ass, but I'd hate for my continued involvement with him to keep me from finding a more permanent source of ass.

So yeah. Tired, tired, tired. I was so tired I didn't even have the energy to masturbate. This is a new low.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 2
Days w/o Ass: 12
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 12.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 8
Straight Man Ass: 1
 
Last edited:

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#16
Week 3, Day 1 - The Lamest of Ass

I had a date (in his mind) last night with quite possibly the least interesting and most annoying person on the face of the earth, whose name is Lobo. In addition to rambling ad nauseum about boring topic after boring topic, Lobo was also not terribly attractive. His eyes had that glazed-over alcoholic look, and his forehead was creased like a professional wrestler who'd used the old razor blade trick on himself one too many times.

I actually at one point had to insist Lobo and I were not on a date at all, but were instead 'hanging out', which made me feel much better about being in the company of such a mess of a person. I thought perhaps if I referred to him as my FRIEND, he would get the idea, but the notion of being a friend to me led him to the 'and who knows where that may lead in the future, if you know what I mean?' attitude. When Lobo still continued to push things in a romantic direction, I began gushing about my current boyfriend (lie) and how into him I am, and when Lobo asked me why I hadn't told him I had a boyfriend, I reminded him that he and I are just friends, and were not on a date, but rather just hanging out.

Lobo offered to walk me home, and as we did, we ambled past my favorite bar, where Fred Sally saw me walking by and yanked me inside. Lobo followed, of course. I had my club soda, splash of cran, twist of lime, and Lobo hemmed and hawed for a good 10 minutes over whether to have a drink or not. At this point Louisa the bartender pretty much told him 'If you're putting that much thought into it, then you have a problem. Either have a drink and enjoy it, or don't and stop going on and on about it so much.' At which point he ordered a drink.

AGH! Total alcoholic. I literally turned my back to him, enjoyed the entertainment, and said maybe five words to him for the rest of the time he was there (one hour - aka four drinks).

In the Good Ass department, I spoke to Jacob, and he wants to hang out Thursday.

Between Jacob, Darryl and Jesse Jackson, I need to add a new category for Ass in a Holding Pattern. And Lobo has led to the creation of a new category, Lame Ass, where he will be joined by Bruce from Week 2, Day 5.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 2
Days w/o Ass: 13
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 9
Straight Man Ass: 1
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3
Lame Ass: 2

I am in serious need of some serious ass.
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#17
Week 3, Day 2 - Maintaining Ass in Holding Patterns

Jesse Jackson called before work. He's out of town, but wants to see me when he gets back. This will most likely result in him buying me stuff, and me putting out. Rich guys are fun.

When I checked my voicemail after work tonight I had a message from Darryl, the guy who doesn't want a relationship with anyone due to his recent breakup with his boyfriend of two years, but whom also seems to be terribly interested in me for someone who doesn't want a relationship. I went to his apartment and hung out with him, his roommate Brenda Vacarro, and her boyfriend Levi. Brenda Vacarro is a large red-head who has always given me the impression that she doesn't like me, but Darryl has clarified this by explaining that Brenda Vacarro is still in love with his ex.

Levi is a large, bald black man.

The four of us watched Mommy Dearest. There was nothing even vaguely related to ass to report, so I'll move on.

While I was sitting on Darryl's stoop, Jacob called me. Jacob is the ridiculously good looking masculine guy I met Pride Night, whom I smooched, but whom is also currently seeing somebody he really likes, which is why Jacob is currently classified as 'Ass in a Holding Pattern'. Well we hadn't planned on hanging out until Thursday, so I count it as a good thing that he called last night, and that he wanted to see me.

I said goodbye to Darryl, being sure to mention that I was going to hang out with Jacob, since I'm fairly certain Darryl picked up on the chemistry between Jacob and myself on Sunday night (jealousy never hurt anyone). I ran home and changed, being sure to look extra hot, smell extra nice, and present myself as some extra fine ass.

I met Jacob and a couple of his friends at a bar in Chelsea, and we had a fucking blast of a time. Damn, he fuckin' digs me. And I dig him too. We bonded, had some great conversation, cemented the fact that we're both interested in each other, but that ARGH he's seeing someone. I told him what's going on with Darryl and me... which is to say we're hanging out but both looking for very different things. When Jacob asked me what it is I'm looking for, I told him: "Dating's fun, but I want to be with someone. I want to nurture a relationship with one person I can potentially share my life with." To which he smiled broadly and said "I'll drink to that."

There was an almost-kiss, which was really hot, but it didn't happen, and I'm glad it didn't. He should see where things go with his current flame, but he knows damn well I'm waiting in the event that flame should be extinguished.

We wanted to go dancing, but it got too late, so we both took a raincheck. He told me to call him tomorrow... he's leaving town for a few days, but he may still be in town tomorrow night, and if that is the case, by God, there will be dancing.

So... no ass to report. And for the first time in the two plus weeks I've been keeping this record, I feel prefectly all right with that.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 2
Days w/o Ass: 14
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 9
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3 (Jesse Jackson, Darryl, Jacob)
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#18
Week 3, Day 3 - Ass, Rinse, Repeat

Last night I worked in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn: Home of the Hot, Straight, Tan Italian Guy in a Muscle Shirt. I knew this work location would put a damper on my potential enjoyment of ass, due to the overly hetero nature of the locale, as well as the fact that I wouldn't be returning to the Village until around 1 am. But DAMN the straight boys were making me horny as hell. And with Jacob and Jesse Jackson both away for the weekend, if I was to obtain any ass it would most likely involve the pursuit of someone outside my Holding Pattern Ass.

This is why I was so surprised to hear from Darryl, who was calling from my favorite bar. He only goes out once every couple of weeks, and he was just out this past weekend, so learning that he was at my favorite bar and that he was half in the bag was equal parts disconcerting and appealing. I knew he'd be some easy ass, but I didn't want to be 'that guy who takes advantage of the drunk guy to get some ass.' I just wouldn't feel right doing that, ya know?

So I weighed my options quickly and decided it would be in my best interests to pound five beers, do a couple shots and then take his drunk ass home.

We went to a porn store on Christopher Street (his idea) where he asked me to help him pick out two DVDs from the bargain shelf. Boy loves his porn, but apparently he bops on a budget. He settled on 500 Gay Cumshots and Real Men Eat Ass, which together came to $12.95. According to my calculations, that's 2.5 cents per cumshot. Total bargain. Even moreso if you think of the ass-eating as a free bonus.

We went back to my place, watched some poorly paced and sloppily-edited porn, and both experienced some hot-ass, drunk-ass, fine-ass ass.

This second ass experience with Darryl inspires a new category: Repeat Ass.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 3
Days w/o Ass: 14
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 9
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3 (Jesse Jackson, Darryl, Jacob)
Repeat Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#19
Week 3, Day 4 - Reaching Deep into the Ass Mailbag

Last evening was thouroughly uneventful. I had some potential ass at my disposal, but refused to pay a $10 cover to get to it, since I only made $50 at work. So I hung out with some straight female friends (which are like gay male friends, but without the possibility of me letting them ride my dick) and then went home early.

What better time to respond to some mail?

In honor of male/female duet Karaoke, the set of the 80's TV gameshow Scrabble, and the colors babies are forced to wear to avoid the confusion of a gender-obsessed society, I'll post the letter in pink and my response in blue.


<font color = pink><I>I wondered, have you had sex with a woman? Normally I wouldn't ask such a question since thats a private matter, but you journal is about getting ass so I wouldnt think you'd mind! But if you do, you can tell me to fuck off!

brown_eyed_girl</font>

<font color = cyan>I actually had sex with a girl when I was sixteen. Her name was Jenny Papaya, and I was second. Matthew Butternutsquash was first, and my buddy Stevie Melonball was third.

The story goes like this: It was summer, I had a party at my Mom's house, and Jenny, Matt and I were in the pool, kissing and fooling around. When I made a move on Matt, he freaked, and I tried to play it off as a joke. Jenny told me in order to prove I was straight I had to fuck her, and she wanted Matt to fuck her as well because, well, she was kind of a whore. I asked if I could call up Stevie Melonball and invite him too, since I knew there was no way in hell I could stay hard without the presence of at least two hot guys. To offset the vagina. She agreed, so we picked up Stevie, then drove to a dead end road, but she didn't want all three of us at the same time (pussy) so Matt fucked her first, then I *tried* to fuck her (I cried 'alcohol-induced limpness') then Stevie fucked her while I sat with Matt on the happily bouncing trunk of my AMC Concord, where I put the moves on him a second time, this time with better results. Turns out he was shy the first time around because Jenny was there, which pissed me off because I totally just limp-fucked a girl in an effort to prove I didn't want his ass, then I wound up getting it anyway.

Hope that answers your question.</font>


<font color = pink>I am glad that you did not count the play </I>[Day 5]<I> as "ass" I am a straight man, and I feel that "ass" should be "ass." I mean a hand job isn't "ass" its nice, but its not "ass" Of course a blow job start's to get into debatable territory, but I think I would have to say its still not "ass." Once again its nice, but not "ass." I think you should make a category for blow jobs, cause I assume that gay men get them as much as straight men. Just a some thoughts from a straight male reader. (I know I keep saying straight).

tombuazit </font>

<font color = cyan>I don't really have a response for this. It just brings me joy to put a straight guy in a pink font.

As for the continuous mentioning of your straightness...? I went through a phase like that shortly before my Jenny Papaya experience.

I'm just sayin'.

And in reality, as much as you mention your straightness, you actually mention "ass" a total of seven times. Eight if you count "assume". But hey, man. Whatever gets you off.</font>


<font color = pink>I love the ass journal! I can't wait to see it every day! I find myself rooting for you, thinking "Why isn't Shane getting the ass he wants/needs? He's hot as hell, cool as hell, and an all-around catch! Why, if I were more than 50% gay, I would be on him like white on rice."

Ross White</font>

<font color = cyan>Heh. Ross White thinks I'm hot. In celebration, I am now going to switch to a </font><font color = violet></I><B>bold, purple font.

And Ross, why bring percentages into it? Nobody's stopping you. I could totally be rice. Get on me, Ross White.</B></font>


Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 3
Days w/o Ass: 15
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 9
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3
Repeat Ass: 1
 

ShaneXtopher

Ass by any other name...
#20
Week 3, Day 5 - Miscalculation of Ass

My friend Kippy came to see me at work tonight, and he brought a couple of his hot gay friends with him. While they were there, I continuously flirted with Bud, who gave me the impression that he was interested in giving me some ass. We all made tentative plans to hang out, and after I left work, Kippy called to tell me that the only person who was still up for hanging out was Bud. He said he'd be dropping him off at my place around midnight.

Score!

Bud is totally cute. 21 years old, boyish but smart, a physics major, and he seemed responsive enough to my flirtations to warrant an evening of fun with the potential promise of ass. So when Darryl (Ass in Holding Pattern) called to tell me he was at my favorite bar, I didn't feel too bad blowing him off. The promise of potential young (new) ass was far more of an aphrodisiac than sure thing ass could ever be.

Bud showed up, and we hung out at my apartment and drank for a while. We hit it off quite well... totally bonded... and when I went in for a kiss... I was totally denied! *GASP!* I - the master of ass - who passed up on sure thing ass for potential young, new ass, was totally shot down!

Agh!

We went to a local young gay club, where Bud met some younger, hipper guy, and where I had drinks bought for me by many hot potential sources of ass, none of which really appealed to me, since I couldn't get over the fact that I was shot down by my original, potential source of ass.

I eventually said my goodbyes, with my pride between my legs, and headed home.

I fear I'm losing my touch. I should have had another repeat night with Darryl, a sure source of ass. But more importantly, this evening's experience warrants a new category: Denied-Access Ass.

Ass Tally:

Days with Ass: 3
Days w/o Ass: 16
Days with Ass-free Play: 2
Brushes with Ass: 13.5
Numbers to Potential Ass: 10
Straight Man Ass: 1
Lame Ass: 2
Ass in Holding Pattern: 3
Repeat Ass: 1
Denied-Access Ass: 1
 
Top