Riding the Rails

[Pennyfeather]

After lying fairly low for the last two weeks, Becky and me managed to make it out to cagematch tonight. Despite the fact I've been very depressed lately and just plain feeling out of it, there was no way I was going to miss a Mother/Swarm cage. Becky, who's been less depressed than me, but still feeling out of it, said of the Swarm set, "That could be the best Harold I've ever seen."

I might have to agree, but before I do, I want to check my records. Indeed though, the Swarm was rock solid.

The Caboose hasn’t practiced the last two weeks, mostly because of scheduling and several members have had the flu. I haven't, but I might as well have been sick. My New Team performance this week was pretty piss poor, so the "I'm sick" excuse could have come in handy. The overall New Team harold my group did was pretty good. But my scenes were very talky, and we got "seduced" into playing a transparent game in the first beat, so our 2nd and 3rd beats were even worse. It was one of those cases where we should have just abandoned the crap from the 1st scene, came out strong in the 2nd beat, and played and discovered new stuff. But we didn't.

TRACK SWITCH!

Caboose wise, I'm embarrassed by our lack of motivation lately, because my last lines from my last entry were: "I feel like the Pennyfeather Caboose is about to turn the corner." But it seems impossible to turn any kind of corner without putting in the work. Which we need to do.

I swear to everyone: The Pennyfeather Caboose is a good practice team. Performance wise, who knows. But we kill in practice. Just ask Jane. She'll tell you. Man, we should get Jane again for next week's practice (which is a must). All 7 of us really seemed to enjoy her coaching. And, again, who knows if she even likes classic American railroading or not, but at this point, that isn't what PC needs.

TRACK SWITCH!

My harold team audition blew. I was nervous and didn't bring it. That's all I'll say. I didn't get a callback, which is what I was expecting. The stress of last week didn't help my depression, but it wasn't to sole contributor to it. I understand my improv skills need work, and that I'm not ready for a Harold team. I'll just keep working. Choo-choo, you know? The brand new team looks great though. Insane almost. And the additions of John Reynolds and Birch Harms (both people I've been in class well) to the Syndicate sound great. It's basically a "brand new" team now, what 4 new members being added since last fall: Reynolds, Birch, Brandon and that other guy...the one who replaced Jennings.

TRACK SWITCH!

Someone bumped an old thread up this week in the Off-Topics Forum called, "CAPTION THIS PHOTO". The thread was so old that all of the posted pictures were now just X's. Which made me think that eventually, this photo-heavy journal will too become all X's. Which made me mad at first, but then I realized, "such is the circle of life." Especially the railroad life.

Trains (much like the pictures of trains in this journal) are created to be used and ran as hard as they can for as long as they can. Each engine has a finite number of hauls/miles in it, and after it has maxed out, it's scrapped. Or bought by the local railroad museum for display. Just like my Trains of the Day; I use them, they max out, and turn into X's.

TRACK SWITCH!

I like trains. And improv. And Steve Buck.

Here's your TRAIN OF THE DAY:

The long and twisted tracks…lead to somewhere great. The Caboose needs to trust that the rails will look out for us!

 

[Pennyfeather]

After this week's coachless practice, I suggested a team name change. I had been thinking about such a change for a couple of weeks now, but didn't really have any better suggestion so I kept my mouth shut until last night.

So I brought it up, and it wasn't very popular. In fact, Becky was the only person who even wanted to think about considering my idea. I didn't think a name change would be an automatic slam-dunk, but I didn't think it would get the response it did. I just felt like it was at least worthy of a discussion...but there was no discussion. There was some mockery and giggles, and then everyone went their separate ways.

I just think the Pennyfeather Caboose has worn out it's welcome, and doesn't really mean much to anyone. It's a good name and one which I think the team has embraced nicely, but it's almost been a year since the 'boose started working together and what has the name "Pennyfeather Caboose" gotten us? Not a whole hell of a lot. Especially considering last month's Harold auditions....

Dear Lord.

Let me repeat myself. The Pennyfeather Caboose has been together for an entire year already, and is yet to perform once. We must be retarded. Or not very good improvisers....

Actually we are neither of those things. We are simply patient. And dedicated to getting better. And somewhat retarded.

Man, at this point I don't even think I care anymore. I am no longer that bright-eyed kid who thinks that his practice team is all he has. I have my Delaney level 4 class. My Sketch show which I am working on. Some short Railroad history educational films. One on the Silverton & Durango branch line of Colorado. That's a killer.

Maybe it took me a year to organize my priorities. Maybe it took this long for me to simply be happy with just being an improviser. I don't have to be a performer. I can just improvise and let the performing take care of itself. And, every night I don't have a show, just gives me more time to watch train videos. Or play on my computer.

I'm a loser. The rest of the 'boose aren't losers. But I feel like one sometimes. I didn't even get picked for the Lottery this time. I get no breaks.

God damn, it's that constant push-and-pull in my life. Devote more time to the Caboose and Railprov because that is where my heart is. OR, pull back from the 'boose and Railprov and concentrate on getting some stuff together that actually has a chance to get on stage.

I'm so confused. Man, I get asked a lot why I like trains so much, and right now is a prime example of exactly why I love railroading. Tracks. Trains ride on tracks.

Massive, 10 axel, 7500 Horsepower beasts who only think about power and how to get the maximum amount of it. With no worries about where to go, or what lies ahead of them. All a big diesel engine wants to do is GO. Where they go depends only on the tracks.

I need tracks. Because I just want to GO. I want to improv. I want to work. But how to get there? I have no idea. I want so badly to reach Performance Junction, but I'm so lost. Like a Night Train in a deep fog.

OH, so like a sitcom that brings in a new character to help it's slumping ratings, I suggested the Pennyfeather Caboose change it's name. MMM, I suppose to make that analogy more accurate the 'boose would have to add new members...but come on, who, at this point, would want to join the Caboose? Nobody.

Even with Merritt coaching us. Which he's not, but what if he was. He improvised in overalls during the WPA show on Tuesday night, so perhaps that's a signal that he wants to coach the 'boose. Man, that would kick some major ass.

Oh, and the WPA ended their show with an awesome CABOOSE scene. It started with Chris and Billy looking out opposite windows at the countryside as it rushed by. Turns out the two were brothers and they had just killed someone and were now getting out of town on an out-of-control Train. It was AWESOME. Oh, and Becky and me held hands at one point during it. We were just so happy.

Man, I suck.

Ok, so the name I suggested? Pullman Sleeper.

That's right. The Pennyfeather Caboose would become PULLMAN SLEEPER. With Pullman, of course, referring to the first name in “class” among railroaders.

I don’t know. It could be dumb.

I’ll sleep on it. The new theatre is awesome. I can’t wait to see shows there and dream of performing on the stage.

Edit. Here’s your TRAIN OF THE NIGHT :

A 1939 NWP X113, running extra in third-rail territory with "crummy" 6015, passing Baltimore Park northbound. No. 113 was taken off the roster in 1947….from all your friends on the PULLMAN SLEEPER…

 

[Pennyfeather]

All right people. Enough PM's. I hear you loud and clear.

NO ONE LIKES THE NAME PULLMAN SLEEPER .

Fair enough. And after sleeping on it for two nights, I too do not like the idea of changing the name of the team from Pennyfeather Caboose to Pullman Sleeper. Not that I could have changed it all by myself anyway. It still would have had to pass a team vote.

Something needs to happen with the ‘boose soon. Something needs to break. Anything. Perhaps a team meeting. Or maybe a "fuck around" rehearsal with another improv team....just to have some fun and shake loose some of the Winter doldrums that may plague the 'boose right now. Perhaps we could invite the Royal We and just fucking 'tage it up. No railroading.

Although I imagine if any teams were interested in joining the 7 of us for a jam session, the members of that team would expect at least a couple of railprov scenes. Otherwise they'd be disappointed....maybe we could do a depot monoscene. Or a lumber mill la ronde. Or the infamous, Pump car scene...a Becky specialty.

Grrr, I just feel like the team is constantly spinning our wheels. We have the horsepower; we just can't gain any positive momentum. Now, a true railroader would suggest that our sand dispensers may need refilling...cause that's what keeps the steel wheels of a big locomotive on the steel tracks, sand. That's right. On every engine is a small sand dispenser that sporadically keeps a small, thin layer of sand on the tracks, to give the wheels something to grab onto. Otherwise it would be slick steel on slick steel, and that's not safe for anyone. Especially when you are traveling 80 plus MPH. Not that the 'boose has ever gone that fast.

Nope, the Caboose crossed the Continental Divide many months ago. Perhaps we've only been a real team for the first 6 months. When the team was on the rise. Climbing Mt. Shasta. Rehearsing fiercely with purpose and goals of performing ASAP. And when we were a strong 17-member team. Goddamn. I really do miss the 10 original Caboosers, who, for reasons I now completely understand, decided to leave the team. This is well documented.

But, as I type this, and as I listen to Alabama's Roll On, I am staring down at a half-full box of Bandanas, and I think, "What if?" Ok, this is getting lame. But I don't care. Cause I'm in panic mode I feel, and I just finished a big thing of coffee, and Alabama is jamming, and I am quite high...cause it's a RAINY WEEKEND. It currently is not raining, but it's close enough.

What if the 'boose was 17 members strong again? Like we should be? Again, I'm trying to think of solutions that involve actions outside of my control...and to problems that perhaps only I feel. Maybe Becky feels it too....but I don't know.

I just feel like the Pennyfeather Caboose is a 17 member Railprov team. And as it stands now...with only 7 members...well, that isn't really the Pennyfeather Caboose to me. A 7 member Railprov team feels like Pullman Sleeper. Not the 'boose.

But again, there is probably no way the 10 members who abandoned us would ever come back. I don't think. And who knows if they would be welcomed back anyway.

Maybe if we came back, 17 members strong, and really set a goal and a date and worked our ass off, we could make it happen this time. We bribe Billy into coaching us, once a week. And then the 17 of us even do extra coachless practices...perhaps twice a month.

We all commit hardcore to reaching Stageville Depot. Maybe during the Marathon.

I'm an idiot.

I love improv. And my Delaney Level 4 class. And the Duluth, Missabe & Iron Range Railway.

Here's your TRAIN OF THE WEEKEND :

A 4-8-8-4 Big Boy…from your friend…me.

 

[Pennyfeather]

I hate this journal. I hate that I put so much time and heart and love into it, when I could have been outside...playing in the sand and/or changing the world.

Although I suppose it's fitting for Riding The Rails to stick around...as that constant reminder of how much of a failure I am. And perhaps the entire Caboose is, although it’s not fair of me to speak for other members....so I will speak only for myself. I am a failure.

I mean, besides a couple of New Teams where I absolutely tore the shit off the place, this journal is the greatest thing I've accomplished since I started taking improv classes at the UCB. I don't know where I fucked up or went off-track, but my engine is currently blown. Hold up in a roundhouse on the far side of the yard, waiting for inspection.

Oh, I’m very high by the way. And if you are wondering how I still have weed, well, I found some in the very back of my freezer last month. And I’m not bound by my “only on rainy weekends” rule anymore, because I set that rule on what I thought was my last bag EVER. And then I found some more….so I made a new rule: I can only smoke when I’m feeling very depressed about Improv and my role in the community. Which means I wake-and-bake most days, and then smoke some right before bed.

OK, I’m stalling. I have something to say.

The Pennyfeather Caboose is no more.

We haven’t practiced in close to 3 months, nor has the team been emailing positive thoughts in that time period. NOR has there been any talk what-so-ever about starting back up again, possibly with Billy as our coach. The ‘boose has had no communication at all….so it’s over.

And perhaps it’s fitting that we didn’t leave in a bang, or even a committed Goodbye. There was no “Casey Jones” type fantastic ending for us….no way, the ‘boose whimpered out. I mean that’s how we should have ended it. Nothing special, nothing celebrated. We were a RailroadProv practice team, that worked together for almost a year, and NEVER performed ONCE. We are failures.

Wait, sorry. I was going to keep this personal.

Well, I’m trying to put this behind me. The Pennyfeather Caboose was awesome. We really were. But we had major problems…..coach-wise, form-wise, info-wise, size-wise, novelty-wise…and more. It was fun, and I loved it…but I know we could have done a lot more.

Oh well.

I can still enjoy 2 of the things I enjoy the most in my life right now: improv and railroading. I just can’t enjoy them TOGETHER anymore. I can take my Level 4 Delaney class AND then go home and watch my Durango & Silverton railroad video. I can go to Harold Night and then go to McManus and NOT talk trains….I can have a beer and then go home and have another one. I can finally SIT in the house at the UCB, and not stand. I can wear an Engineer hat, but then when I get to the theatre, I can take it off.

I can be cool again. And more importantly accomplish something that makes me happy.

I can fly.

I can race around Dead Man’s Curve at 45 miles an hour, hauling 4 cars of ore, and 3 of US Mail.

I can La Ronde.

I can tag you out.

I can sit down with my grandfather and talk about the old LIMA Locomotive Works plant.

I can bend the space.

I can load my water tender.

Mmmmm…..I’m now embarrassed.

 

[Pennyfeather]

Wow, it's been a long time, hasn't it?

Well, I would only be posting here again if I really had something important to say....and I think I do.

Here it is:

The 'boose has been talking about a reunion. A reunion, some rehearsals (hopefully with Billy), and then our Debut show.

Actually just some of us have been talking about it...so really, who knows? Maybe nothing will come of the talking, but it's fun to think of the possibility of reuniting again. Just talking about the 'boose, excited me enough to post here again.

We shall see...

Oh, and what the heck, here's your TRAIN OF THE DAY: