ramblings of a 20something

[brown_eyed_girl]

26 pages? Jeebus

Liz called me last night to see if I wanted to go out for the football game. I didn’t really want to, it was rainy and I just wanted to stay in. Well, she was disappointed… Then she told me about her Halloween costume, so I said that I might just go out and buy some sort of cheapo little face mask (just to cover my eyes – think Zorro) and go with that. She got a bit pissed. “We’re all dressing up, and you have to!” Um, no I don’t. I was excited about Halloween back when I thought that all of my friends were going to be around for it. And I thought the costume I bought would be cool. It sucks hardcore. Anyway, at the moment it looks like it’s just going to be me, Liz, Michael, Jimmy and Beth. Now, that’s fine but it should be about triple that amount. Jake is going to Philly instead, Dave is going to Vegas, my sister isn’t coming up, Renee doesn’t want to go out, Mark already has plans… Okay, maybe not triple the amount, but still. Anna should come up here instead of Jake going there and David shouldn’t go to Vegas with Keri cause she’s an idiot. She will continue to be an idiot in my mind until she decides to stop jerking him around and decide to actually commit to him. Jen should come up, but no… Jason doesn’t want to. Whatever. I guess Renee isn’t going out cause she knows if she does it’ll piss off Tom. Okay, I guess I can’t fault Mark having plans.

Phew, tangent. Sorry. I know it’s just my issue. I’m just feeling like a hermit lately. So after I told Liz that I wasn’t excited about Halloween anymore she said to me “I’ll call you in a few days, maybe you won’t be all PMSy then.” What is she, a guy? Because the last time I knew guys were the only ones who used that as an excuse for a woman to not be all cheery 24/7. Sorry guys, but it’s true. After she said that I just said nothing. She said later, I said bye and hung up. Bitch. When I’m in a funk like this I just don’t want to be around people. Because I know how I am and I don’t want to drag others down. I know that last night I would have just sat at the bar with my head in my hands thinking. Who wants to be around that? Oh, just to clear it up, that PMS crack is about 3 weeks late. Incase anyone wondered

I did a lot of chatting this past weekend. Thanks to the IRCer who kept me company a lot this weekend. I also talked quite a bit with a guy named Billy from another message board. This could get interesting… It’s all about an ego boost. He’s nice and says nice things about me, so that makes me feel good. We actually talked on the phone for about an hour on Saturday. That’s something that I usually don’t do. It puts myself out there too much. I can hide easier behind the computer, but it’s harder on the phone. Hell, I’ve never even talked to Ryan on the phone. Anyway, Billy just said that he was tired of sitting at his computer, gave his number and said that I could call if I wanted. I wasn’t going to at first but I figured why not. Will we speak again on the phone? Who knows. I’m just trying not to get too attached to somebody again. There are too many now as it is!

I talked with Ryan for awhile last night. He’s moving into a new apartment today, lucky bastard. I was being mopey and talking about such things as still living at home, and having no money and not seeing a light at the end of this tunnel and he says “You should move here, it’s cheaper”. One of these days I’m going to ask him if he’s actually serious or if it’s just a throw away statement. And I’m also going to see about inviting myself to visit over New Years. I just enjoy making my life difficult basically.

Lately every time I’ve gone to write an entry about whatever guy ‘crisis’ I have I just blank out. Because it all is just so stupid.

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Ouch

Monday I had to carry 3 heavy boxes down to shipping, the one alone weighed at least 15lbs. I barely made it. Anyway, my left arm still is sore from this. It feels like it did after a month of thearpy after my car wreck. I hope I didn't fuck it up or something.

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Duh me...

I wrongly assumed that it was the heavy boxes that is making my arm hurt. Its the weather. Shoulda known

I mean, my right arm is fine and that had half the duty of carrying those boxes. Stupid rain. Stupid arm. Thankfully my ankle never really gives me any problems. I think it helped that I had to pretty much put pressure on it from the start. Oh, and the bone didn't break into a billion peices like my arm. Okay, I'm making that number up. It was only 5 breaks. And a half an inch from breaking through the skin.

Its days like these when I'd love to drive to Danville, find Peyton, and run him over with my car.

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Whooo hooo!

Dashboard is preforming on Jay Leno tonight. I hate Jay Leno, but I'll be watching tonight :up:

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

wee!

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[brown_eyed_girl]

And again...

So I got an email this morning from my boss about my internet usage. Apparently I was at 6600 minutes. Hilarous! Anyway, no more internet. They should just disable it from my computer. That would be so much more effective. But okay, I'm going to be good about this. Really, I will!

So.. bye...

:mope:

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Will you miss me when I'm gone?

Every time I go to write I just go back and delete it. I’m going to try and let it flow this time…

I think it’s sad that I feel so good inside when some guy who I will most likely never meet gives me a complement. I was chatting with Billy (guy from another forum, lives in Chicago, mentioned him before…) on Sunday and he was complementing my Halloween pictures and saying that it’s too bad that I don’t live in Chicago, that he’d date me in a minute. That makes me feel good. But does he actually mean it? Or is he just paying me some lip service? I know it doesn’t matter. It’s just nice I guess. To feel just a little bit wanted. I had fun talking to him that one time, and Monday night I wanted to talk again. I got home around 10:30 from watching the football game and he wasn’t online. Now, he did tell me to call anytime but I can’t do that. I can’t just call him up like that. Anyway, I sent him a message on the forum. And now I’m feeling like quite the idiot. Well, that is enough of that.

On to more internet issues… I used to belong to another forum that’s attached to a game that I used to play online. I quit playing the game in June or July, and quit the forum in October. Well, I say that I quit… I still look their daily. This morning I checked it out and somebody posted a topic about me. Basically saying “Is she really gone? Good riddance.” Honestly it made me a bit sad. I’ve never had a problem with that guy, we always seemed to get along. A few others chimed in, positive and negative. I feel like an asshole for even caring. So I won’t anymore. No more checking that forum. It’s pointless.

And because my entire life revolves around my online life… The other day I was chatting with a few people and I got a message from Peter. You know, the super critical Aussie asshole. Anyway, he says “hey” then “do you know anyone who plays zoo tycoon? I love it and I want a CD key for it.” Well, I have that game. And a key. You think I’ll give it to him? Hell no. Cause fuck him. You don’t talk to me for at least a month and you’re going to message me for a favor? No way buddy. So I said nope. And that was the last I heard from him. Oh, the time before that when he messaged me he just wanted me to do something for a buddy of his or something. Whatever.

I’m thinking again about moving to Canada. I always do the safe thing. It’s safe staying at this job. It’s safe living at home. It would be safe to move in with Rachel. Moving to Canada would be a risk. And I think it’s a risk that I should make. I know there is so much more involved in it than just packing up and going there. It’s not like moving to Maryland. It’s a different country. There are so many legal hoops that I would have to jump through. Of course the easiest way to go about it would be marriage. And that just is not going to happen. Am I against the thought of marrying Ryan? No, not really. Am I against marrying him (or anyone) for the soul purpose of gaining entry to their country? Yup. That is just the wrong way to go about it. So I’ll do some research, contact the immigration department and see what I would have to do. Of course this would be a long way off. But it’s something to think about for a week and then talk myself out of…

In other news… I finally got around to making some phone calls here at work to companies that owe us money. And I’ve left messages… I get to go to a receivables meeting next week about all of this. That should be interesting. Hopefully I’m not put on the spot too much. It shouldn’t be too bad though. Hopefully!


(yeah, I know I'm not supposed to be here... I'm taking a break!)





Edit:
I think this might have been my 3,000th post. :love:

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Halloweenie!

I realized that I never talked about my Halloween night. I’m sure you were all on the edge of your seats about it too!

I originally planned on going as Little Red Riding Hood but the costume I bought was pretty horrid. The skirt and shirt were connected, and the skirt started somewhere around my ribcage. Yikes. So I went as a cat. Very original, I know. I borrowed cat ears and a tail from Liz, which I think were actually mine at some point… I was going to wear a skirt of hers but it was just too tight. It was very clingy which I know was the point but my body image just doesn’t allow me to wear something that tight in public. I ended up wearing a black sweater, jean skirt, fishnets and heals. Let me tell you how much I love those heals. Sooo much. They did make the balls of my feet sore though. They really had no sole, just a thin bottom. Anyway, they were so cool. And they made me super tall

I showered up and headed over to Liz’s so she could curl my hair. It turned out nice, but I wish she would have listened to what I wanted her to do. I asked her to spray my hair first with hairspray so it would hold better, but she didn’t think it would work. After the right side of my hair started coming loose, she finally went with the hair spray. So I was a bit lopsided, but it looked nice. Of course while I was there I had to hear Liz talk about her plans for her outfit, her hair, her make-up. God she just irritates me half the time. I just wanted to tell her to shut the hell up. Anyway, she had to go to a friends house to pick up her costume so I headed home for awhile. Saw my niece in her lions costume that my mom made. She did such a great job on it. Shelby looked so adorable. And she was a big hit. We brought her over to Lizs later and everyone just loved her outfit.

After Liz got home I went over there to do my make-up. I’m not very skilled with eyeliner so I had her do that for me. I tend to poke myself in the eye, which sort of stings when you’re working with liquid eyeliner… I usually don’t wear that much make-up but I went a bit crazy that night. Dark eyes, blush, whiskers… the whole bit. Of course it took Liz ages to do hers. Mine took about 3 minutes, tops. Hers took about 20. And she took forever to get dressed and do her hair, so her brother (dressed as the most awesome Mr. T ever!) and his friend Jimmy left without us. I should have gone with them… Anyway, we finally left and headed to the karaoke place, Bourbon street.

The place was fairly crowded. A pimp said hi to us ladies on our way in. The door guy was some weird mute vampire or something. The rest of the bar folks were dressed as pirates which was pretty cool. We settled at the bar and got our drinks while Michael put his name in for karaoke. He was a rousing success. He sang Meatloaf’s song umm… now I cant think of the name! The one where he goes “But I won’t do that”. Anyway, it was great. Then he did the song that’s in the beginning of Old School. “I need you tonight, need you more than ever” whatever it is. Cheesy 80’s song. Youre my boy, Blue! Oh it was great. He’s hilarious. And Michael won $100 for best costume. Which he spent in shots for everyone. Well, 35 shots of vodka worth. And he made me do a shot… I had never done a vodka shot before so I was a bit nervous. But I liked it! I did dribble a lemon in the shot and I sucked the hell out of a lemon after but over all it was good.

Afterwards we went to Denny’s for some late night greasy goodness. Man, I love Denny’s.

Came home, went to sleep.

And that my friends was my uber exciting Halloween!

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

By semi popular demand...

They're a little blury... sorry bout that! Oh, and really really huge!!

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Eeek! Attack of the huge face lady!

Anyway, I think I shall read some recaps of One Tree Hill from TWoP and then do some work. I copied and pasted them into a word document

I hate my job.

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Found:

One long forgotten black bag.

Inside black bag were found the following items:
A Toys for Tots donation drawing slip, labeled December 9th.
1 nail file
2 Gap lip shines (in the round tub thingys)
3 Bath and Body works lip glosses
1 color stay lip gloss
(sheesh, why did I have so much lip gloss in one bag??)
1 button.. I'm glad I found this actually
5 Band-aids
1 receipt to The Game Keeper in the mall. From Nov, 23, 2002. The purchase: Trivial Pursuit 20th Anniversary Edition, Christmas present for my sister Jen.
2 American Eagle 15% off coupons
5 Tampons
1 watermellon Jolly Rancher. Which of course got all mucky, which got the muck all over the contents of said bag.
1 Guess watch, I've been wondering where that was...
$3.57 in change.

I have no idea when was the last time I used that bag. Apparently around Christmas time. Very curious... Obviously I need to clean my room more often... Okay, I do clean my room more than once a year, but I generally ignore the closets. Cause I hardly go in there...

What discoveries await?

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Why must I wake?

So it’s Monday. Yippie.

Our department got a digital camera for the guys to use, and of course I’m put in charge of knowing how to use it. Why? I don’t know. I’ll never get to take it out. But I’m the go to guy. Oh well. It’s a nice camera actually. Pretty small and lightweight. A lot smaller than mine. Mine isn’t too bad though, I like it.

A few weeks ago Ryan was on a kick of sending me video files from a TV show they have out there. It’s called “This Hour Has 22 Minutes” and it’s sort of the Canadian version of “The Daily Show.” I saw it when I was there in July and found it pretty funny, but it probably would have been funnier if I knew half of the people who they were making fun of. Anyway, there’s this one segment that this guy does called “Talking to Americans.” Basically he travels to the States and interviews people. One of the bits he came up with was that 80% of Canadian children couldn’t name all of the Canadian states. Now, if you’re scratching your head cause something just seems a bit off you’d be right. But the people he interviewed didn’t catch the joke and they were all saying that it’s sad and that they should know them and everything. Then he talks to a woman with a little kid, probably 11 or so. The woman is about to say how terrible this is when he son says “Hey wait a minute… Canada doesn’t have states, they have provinces!” There are a ton of little bits like that, and they are all hilarious. All meant to make Americans look stupid. Oh, he did a few with Al Gore and George W. Now those were classic! He asks Gore if he’s elected will he visit Canada’s capital in Toronto. Gore says of course he will. Umm… Canada’s capital is Ottawa. He also calls the Prime Minister Jean Poutine. It cracked me up. There was a 45 minutes special that he sent me and that had me rolling. Of course who’s to say how I would have reacted if I were interviewed. I think most of it is the fact that people don’t want to look dumb on camera. They don’t want to question the interviewer. Oh, and some Americans really are quite dumb.

I spent the weekend cleaning up and organizing my room. It looks great, I must say. Clothes put away, CD’s away as well, books on the bookshelf, papers in my paper box. Nice and tidy. I even dusted and swept! I bought a duster last weekend and I sure did put it to use. It’s great, I’m glad I bought it. I ended up buying 4 clear boxes from Target and only had to use one so I brought the others back. My credit card thanked me for that. I’m not going to use it for the rest of the month, I don’t want to put more than $100 on it each month and I’m nearly at that limit. I very nearly used it to buy a DVD burner but I thought better of it. I don’t really need it, it would be something extra. So I’ll wait for that. Maybe in a few months I’ll look into it again. I need to concentrate on saving and not spending. Of course that’s tough this time of year. I need to make a budget for Christmas and stick to it. Under $400 would be great. I’d like to get started on that shopping soon too. Get it done and out of the way.

Friday night I went over to Jake’s house to hang out. It was just me, Liz, Jake and Matt. Matt played Jake’s guitar and Liz talked my damn ear off. She’s starting a new job today, and I’m happy that she got it but now she won’t stop talking about getting an apartment. She’s already got it furnished. She was talking about having a party for St. Patrick’s Day. That’s in March, people. I just said “How bout you get the place and then plan the party.” I think that pissed her off. “Be happy for me, I’m getting an apartment!” I am, but damn. Okay, I know I go on and on here about things that never really happen, but that’s different. I don’t talk to my friends like this. Because I know they don’t care. I remember back when I had wanted to move to Raleigh. Liz rolled her eyes and said “Yeah as if that would happen.” Now, she was right but what kind of thing is that to say? Anyway, they were going to meet up with David and the other David at the Heart but I just didn’t want to go. I’m surprised I didn’t get shit for that too. Oh well, tonight is MNF so I’ll go to that. I think. I still have time to change my mind

I was talking to my friend Jimmy :wave: about this whole moving to Canada thing yesterday. I’m a bit torn about it. On the one hand I really want to, and I think it would be a great experience for me. But on the other hand I’m worried what Ryan’s thoughts would be about it. Now I realize that I shouldn’t give a shit about what he thinks. But I do. Even though he’s always saying that I should move there. But what if I actually do? Then what will he think? I’m honestly not going there with the intention of marrying him and living happily ever after with the 2.3 kids and dog. I don’t think that’ll happen. I want to go there to do something new. Something challenging. Because it would be a challenge to move to a country and city that is unfamiliar to me. Sure, Canada isn’t that different from the States. But it wouldn’t be like me moving to Maine or anything. I’m going to order some books that I saw on Amazon and read a bit more into it. I really have no idea what it all involves. More than what I think I suppose. Hey uhh… are any of you Canadian guys reading this looking to get married? A marriage of convenience? No? Damn.

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Goodbye To You

I came across this question this morning. Who can you trust? Honestly I don’t think I can trust anyone completely. I come close to some people, very few people, but I don’t fully trust anyone. I don’t really see that it’s a problem though. When I lump my friends all together I have one fantastic friend who I can talk to about anything. So what if there isn’t one person who I can go to? The people that come close are all men. I’m not sure if that’s a sign of some deep rooted issue that I might have. Who knows. My closest female friend is Liz, and sometimes I feel as if I can barely talk to her. Mostly because she won’t shut up and let somebody else talk. I’d like to talk to her, hell anyone outside of my little circle of internet friends, about thinking of moving to Canada. But I know that would just stir up so much shit. I won’t even bring it up until I know that it is a real possibility. When I get my paycheck on Thursday I’ll get some books on immigrating to Canada. Get the ball rolling. At least the thought process anyway.

So last night before I went to the football game I logged into AOL to see who was around. I chatted a bit with that guy from Chicago that I mentioned a few weeks back, the one I talked to on the phone. Anyway, I haven’t talked much with him recently. Pretty much straight away yesterday he tells me that he’s feeling “frisky.” Okay, he’s not a cat so he’s not looking for kibbles and bits here. I mean, it’s all well and good to feel frisky. Do your thang. But that doesn’t quite mean I’m going to feel frisky with you… So I told him that I hadda get going to the football game but that I’d be back. Went to the game, came back. He was still on so I thought I’d say hi. Now, I’ll admit that I was egging him on a bit. Nothing bad, but I wasn’t exactly discouraging his “friskiness” either. He said that he liked my Halloween pictures, and that I should send him one with a “sexy pose.” I wouldn’t know how to do a sexy pose if somebody gave me instructions. Either way, I’m fairly certain he was looking for a limited clothing type picture. And that’s not going to happen. Naked pictures of me do not exist, nor will they ever. Well, not anytime soon. And not for some guy that I barely know. So I declined, saying that my camera is acting up. I mentioned that I was tired and would probably go to sleep soon. He says that we should chat on the phone for a bit. Now that would have been cool with me, but he mentioned that we could be “frisky” then. Apparently “frisky” was the word of the day. I said nope, not gonna happen. Not that I haven’t done such things before… But I mean. I’ve talked to this guy once. And only chatted maybe 10 times. I hardly know him. So no thanks. My comfort level isn’t exactly there yet. So after I declined that offer and said that we could still chat he said that he was tired and had to get up early and should probably get some sleep. Figured as much. So we said our good byes and I went promptly to sleep. He wasn’t creepy sleeze ball about any of it though, so that was good. He was just extremely flirty. But I just don’t want to go there. I mean, why bother I guess, right? He’s a nice guy and all, but why should I start something like that up knowing full well that it won’t lead to anything real? Once again I’m annoyed that I can apparently attract men online through my words and a picture here or there but that I can’t find a guy in my own area code who’s interested. Oh well, I need to get my own life together. Once I’m settled and in place where ever that may be I’ll have men falling out of the sky. Right? :nervous:


title refers to some weird 80's song on the radio

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

I Do

New Dashboard song... Oh my sweet lord it is fantastic. Here's the lyrics for your viewing pleasure.

Oh love, hang on, I’ve gotta say this right
Cause I only get one shot, once in my life
I want to grow, old with you
And I want you to hold me forever

Do you think that you love me, cause I do, I do, I do
Do you want that forever, I do, I do, I do
Do you want me to share your life with you, I do, I do, I do

Oh love, hang on, if your willing, I’ll be strong
And I’ll give you the life that you deserve
Cause I want you to know, all of me
And I, I want to hold you forever

Do you think that you love me, cause I do, I do, I do
Do you want that forever, I do, I do, I do
Do you want me to brave this world for you, I do, I do, I do

I do, I do, I do, I doooooo


Isn't that great? :love: :love: :love:

I think I'm catching a cold. And my email doesn't seem to be working and I'm expecting an email. Stupid hotmail. Remind me to call Road Runner and get an email through them.

I'm going to sleep. Hopefully the left side of my nose doesn't close completely.

*sniff*

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Do they hate me?

I think Hotmail and my email at work hate me. Cause I can't log into hotmail, and my work email is being a little bitch. I'm paraniod and I think that maybe the IT guys disabled my ability to email people. That would be reason enough to quit.

I'm feeling this cold coming on. It sucks.

I copied the 3 new Dashboard song's to CD along with the 3 other EP's. I will listen to it over and over and over. Because I'm obsessed.

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Wanna know what I hate?

I hate getting these kind of phone calls:

"Hi my name is Pompos Asshole from Asshole, Inc. We're having a major problem with communication with your company and I need to speak to the Vice President of Sales or the President of the company. I am not getting the answers I need and people are not returning my calls and I need answers."

Okay, Number 1 there is no Vice President of Sales. Number 2 save me your sob story cause I don't really give a shit.

This is the 4th time this guy has called today. First he called for one of the guys here. He of course didn't want to speak to the guy. So I had to make up a bullshit story and tell Mr. Asshole that he isn't available. I transfered his call up to Engineering. I guess that guy wasn't around either. Mr. Asshole calls back. I send him to Shipping. I guess he didn't get his answer there. He calls again. I transfer him to my guy here and he still doesn't answer his damn phone. Mr. Asshole calls the 4th time and now he's pissed and bitches at me.

Okay, I understand that you're pissed. But I can't do shit for you. I'm just the damn secretary around here.

God I hate how people won't return calls and then the customers get pissed off (and rightly so) and I have to deal with it. I feel like sayin "Listen buddy. I'm just the secretary. It isn't my fault the morons I work with won't answer their phone/return calls. So don't bitch at me."

I feel better now.

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Oh and...

That Dashboard song I posted up there? I'm totally playing it at my wedding. Oh yes, yes I am. I think I'll play it during the first dance. It's so nice.



Whats this you say? I need a groom? It's always something.

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Oh Yes!!!

For some reason I was just thinking about Krispy Kreme. There have been rumors for the past 2 years about them building one in the area, and somebody here at work said they broke ground about 5 minutes from my house. So I checked out the website.

Latham Location, Opening January 2004!!!!


OH HELL YES!



I do enjoy me some Krispy Kreme :love:


Is it obvious that I haven't done shit today?

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

My shitty email...

is apparently still being a jerk. So if I normally email you during the day, I'm not ignoring you, promise. And I emailed you this morning, and you're ignoring me that's mean. How can you ignore a poor bored sick girl? Bastards.

 

[brown_eyed_girl]

Love

I know that there are a lot of people out there who love me. My family loves me. My friends love me. But I don't have that one special person out there who loves me. And to love back. I don't like the fact that it bothers me so much. It makes me feel week and pathetic, but this life isn't meant to be lived alone. It's meant to be shared. And I just don't have anyone to share it with.

Of course this is just another case of a girl alone on a Saturday night feeling sad that she has no man in her life. Typical

I'm goin to sleep.

I hate writing crap like this. Just so you know.