Proud Leader of the Southern Nihilistic Front

[Lull]

The night was me and my friend Denton hanging out with Scott Williams from Soilent Green and Scott's cousin and one of my good friends, Chris. The show as at the Howlin' Wolf in New Orleans last night.

As my stolen set list describes it...

First Set-
Outlaw Order (EYEHATEGOD while guitarist Jimmy is on tour with Down)
(Hard Rock)

Second Set-
Hank Williams III and The Damn Band
(Country)

Third Set-
AssJack (Hank Williams III)
(Hard Rock)

Outlaw Order = Good show. Their stuff was a little more punky this time around. Im guessing maybe this is some stuff that Mike is gonna do when Jimmy is out with Down. Anyway. Mix EYEHATEGOD with more a hardcore punk sound and you got this band. Mike ranted about how MTV2 sucks cock and that no one listens to good music anymore. I shared a jello shot with him and then he took a beer bottle, broke it, and stabbed himself in the forhead with it. His fiancee took him backstage and cleaned him up and me, him, Chris, and Denton hung out backstage talking about music and shit.

Hank III and the Damn Band = Dull. Not that I dislike country music, but every song ran into each other, had the same beat, etc etc. I enjoyed watching them onstage, however. Good vibes was coming from them. Hank was in a standard cowboy outfit with cowboy hat and at the end of the set says "If youre old and hate loud music its time for you to leave..."

AssJack = God Damnit Assjack are great! Mix The Melvins style sludge with hardcore punk and you have them. Hank WIlliams III, a country crooner, was belting out vocals similar to Napalm Death, I kid you not. He sounded just like grindcore singers. Great fucking shit man.

 

[Lull]

Collapse and Crush

The one thing that upsets me in life is when people wont be creative. This semester Im taking an art appreciation course with Denton. I know the teacher. She told me the other day that she has disliked teaching the class for the past few years because no one in it is creative. Her example of this was that once she held up a can and told her students to draw as many different was that can could be uses. I came up with several on the spot. She told me that the entire class wouldnt say a word. I want to call it lazy-ness, but that would be giving the people the benefit of the doubt so Ill just go with the word "stupid", and that generally is what it is. The majority of the people in this area are obsessed with nothing more than the clothes they wear, who to text message on their Nokia phone, and acting "cool and grown up". Trust me, ladies and gentelmen, just because you have overly expensive clothes, a cell phone, and drink underage, doesnt mean you are an adult. Youre immature, uncreative, brats. Thats why when you come up to me in the Cafe just to say hello, as if youre doing me a favor by talking to me, I tell you to fuck off. I dont want you talking to me, I dont want you to approach me. I dont want to be associated with you.

For for fuck's sake. Text messaging? I know its fun and cool and all, but theres nothing that you have to say or hear from "Portia" that is worth busting your ass over hiding your phone in class just to check or send a new message. If it were, they would call you, tell you your fucking mom died or your house was on fire and Im sure the teacher would understand. What you did with whoever last night is a little more important than your fucking education.

And whats even worse is when these people cry to me about how bad they are doing in class! All throughout my senior year in highschool English I had these two girls try to bum off of me. They didnt do shit in class, cried when they got failing grades on tests and then expected me to bail them out simply because they have a pretty face, low cut jeans, and revealing tops.

Thats another thing. Stop wearing that shit. Low cut jeans are ohkay, but the tops you wear? Ive seen hookers in Vegas dressed less skimpy than that. For fuck's sake, 15 year old girls are running about wearing this shit and they look 20. Do their mothers and fathers not care about things like this? Do they not care that their daughters are 15 and hanging out with 21 year olds? Is the only thing that means to people around here is how they act and look infront of others? I got news for you. The guy who you bust your ass to impress, the 21 year old guy who buys you beer, has a lift kit in his Toyota and is the first on the block to have the new Nas album, this guy is a fucking loser. He cant pass college and he thinks nothing about women other than how hot they are and which one he can fuck sooner.

Go back to watching your television. MTv should have a new fashion show that you can immitate because face it, thats what you are. You are a rip off of what you see on TV which is nothing more than a manipulative company using you to make money. TV should die. TV is the reason women think they have to weigh less than 120 pounds. TV is the reason why I cringe everytime I walk past the "prep" [I hate the term, but its the best way to describe the type of of people Im talking about] table and hear the women talk about how fat they are.

Dont ask me every week to go to the clubs with you and your friends. Im too old for that and hopefully when you get as old as me youll understand this as well and stop going. I can understand going when your 18, 19, and maybe even 20, but after that its fucking pathetic to see you there. Grow up. Mature a little bit. Quit whoring yourself out to every single fucking guy out there. I dont want to go to parties with you because youre all overly impressed with the smallest things I do. I take a shot of vodka, straight no chaser, and you all look at me like Im fucking God. Remember, you are the people that are supposed to be the big drinkers around here, you know, always talking about getting some Bud Lite for the weekends and getting drunk. Trust me, I know thats what you do because every Monday morning I hear you talk to your friends about how drunk you got, and then every day after that up until Friday you ask everyone if they are getting wasted on the weekend.

If thats all you have to look forward to, then I truely feel sorry for you.

I dont like people who cant appreciate Monet. I dont like people who cant appreciate Bach. I dont like people who think Indie music is bands like Twelve Stones and are indie simply because they sold 500,000 records and went gold instead of selling a million and going platinum. You dont understand the finer things in life like art, music, meditation, and friendship.

Youre worthless. I feel sorry for you and the life youll lead. If you dont grow up I can only imagine youre marriage will end up being without love, a wreck. Divorced or staying with someone, it doesnt matter. Itll be about the money and new car and clothes. I just hope you teach your children better.

I apologize to the IRC readers. This post wasnt supposed to be like this, but Ive fucking had it. Im disgusted.

This rant is over.

allyoureadorwearorhearandseeontvisaproductbeggingforyourfatassdirtydollar

 

[Lull]

Youre all obviously bastards. Ohkay, I dont mean it.

While Im debating whether or not Ill retire my online journal thingy, I will be writing one or two more posts. I dunno. Maybe to get some things off of my chest. I mean, the worst thing to do is to bottle things inside, right? Any way.

Just, I dont think Ill be making any trips soon any longer. Yeah, Ill go to New Orleans for the Godspeed you Black Emperor shows and Ill take a trip to Tupelo to meet this wonderful person that Denton so lovingly converses about, I dont think Ill be going around to Natchez or McComb any more. I have a love hate mentality for certain people at either of those two places. I mean... Its just frustrating, you know? Both people in both towns do the exact same thing. Im too much like a certain someone (*cough* Denton *cough* ) that it makes them uneasy. I really appreciate the vote of confidence that I get from them, really I do. Not every day is there someone who doesnt think I can think for myself. Im like Denton, therefore I make the same mistakes, choices, and everything else as him as well and not to mention, I must behave exactly like him as well.

Fuck that.

Im my own god damned person and the fact that someone wont recognize that is a huge fucking slap in the face and I dont need that bullshit from anyone. Its frustrating.

Why am I once again ranting? I fell asleep and when I woke up I had gathered a recollection of pretty much everything that took place last night while I was junked. Needless to say, I made me upset. Not upset in the angry way, but upset in the sad I want to fucking cry way. Why? Because I dont want to be like anyone. I pride myself in being me and then two people I had considered friends say the exact same thing? A slap to the face. Im not angry at them... just upset that Im not even allowed a chance at something and Im being looked at in a shallow manner. I feel bad, though, because I know both of them are going to read it and Im pretty sure theyll get upset... but I cant leave this on my chest.

Im tired and its only 1130.

Ive come to the conclusion that I will no longer be doing anything extra cirricular during the weekdays. This going to New Orleans on a school night or getting drunk on a school night is horse shit and I cant fucking deal with it anymore. Im also going to talk to Wes about maybe starting to go to bed a tad bit earlier.

Oh, did I mention that I got a job? Yeah. I wash dishes for the Inez. Kinda shitty. I worked my hands off tonight too. Shit load of dishes man and I smell like friggin shrimp. Ick. I want to move to waiting tables sometime, though. Layne made some slick cash in tips tonight. I think he said around 45 bucks. I, however, made 25 plus a buck from change from running and errand.

Im going to build a new computer for myself. What I have now just isnt going to cut it. Ill either give it back to Denton, or sell it for about 75 bucks and pay D! off. One of the two, but probably the former.

The big rift between all my friends didnt help my mood much either. I cant take sides because if I did I feared the other would feel that I betrayed them, which is unacceptable. I want to be with Delsey and Amanda and joke about, but I also want to be with Jim and Landon. Im glad things are ohkay now, because it wasnt just you guys in it, but it was really kicking my ass mentally. I was really stressed over this for quite a while and just... almost couldnt bear it anymore. Just remember, guys... things like this effect everyone. It really hurt me to see sensless bickering...

But Ive come to a big leap in my life. Im scared that Im losing emotions... Im upset over things... but not totally anymore. Im just... I just dont care anymore. Maybe its otheres ineptitude, closed mindedness, or shallow attitudes, but I think its finally gotten to me.

the me that you know he used to have feelings
but the blood has stopped pumping and he is left to decay
the me that you know he had some second thoughts
he's covered with scabs he is broken and sore
the me that you know he doesn't come around much
that part of me isn't here anymore

 

[Lull]

WAR! CHILDREN!

Live! Tonight! Not Sold Out!

Smile (my band, peeps)

Set List- Were doing covers tonight.

- Requim for a Dream Theme
- Gimme Sheltar by the Rolling Stones
- Sultans of Swing by Dire Straits
- Binge and Grab by Buckethead
- Return Trip by Electric Wizard

Yee!

We start playing at 9

 

[Lull]

There is a forum that I visit often. There was a discussion on if it is ohkay to have homosexual friends. I got alot of gruff from many many members for the post I made. Here it is:

"

There is nothing wrong with homosexuality. I mean, I personally believe it is a mutation in nature, but other than that, I cant really complain. I know thats a bad way to say it, but I cant.

Secondly, I have no problems with having gay friends.

As a matter of fact, one of my three best friends is gay. When I say best friends, I mean in the sense that I would give my life for these three people. His name is Flint and hes one of the greatest people I know. Other than the occasional gay joke he makes towards me, whick I dont mind, I could care less. It gets aggrivating when people think Im gay simply because we are friends, but thats about it.

Two of my close friends are bisexual and two of my normal friends are gay, and when I say gay, I mean they are the stereotypical gay. Kinda bothersome in that they act as if everyone has to know who they slept with and *insert gay story here* but they are friends of mine and I like them."

Heh. Ive noticed something. Ive found the best thing to describe what its like when I fancy a girl enough to ask her out on a date. What is that one thing? Well its this:

"

The frog answered, "I do not care for thy clothes, thy pearls and jewels, or thy golden crown, but if thou wilt love me and let me be thy companion and play-fellow, and sit by thee at thy little table, and eat off thy little golden plate, and drink out of thy little cup, and sleep in thy little bed -- if thou wilt promise me this I will go down below, and bring thee thy golden ball up again."

"Oh yes," said she, "I promise thee all thou wishest, if thou wilt but bring me my ball back again." She, however, thought, "How the silly frog does talk! He lives in the water with the other frogs, and croaks, and can be no companion to any human being!" "

Depressing, no?

So, Im going to see Rent with Denton. I know nothing of it, doubt Ill enjoy it, but want to see it just because Ive never seen a musical before. Yes, Ive seen plays and liked them, but not musicals. What musical would I like to see? Nightmare Before Christmas the broadway rendition, but I doubt I see that anytime soon.

I miss the comforts of being sad.

I dont think Ill be updating anymore, my fellow IRC'ers. I hope youll miss my journal as much as Ill miss writing it. I just dont think I can anymore. Ive gotten so many PM's from people telling me that Im just a cry baby that I dont feel the urge to share my life with anyone anymore.

So, to Gypsy, I hope things work out for you. Yongphi. heres to a hopeful relationship. Bill, hopefully that visit to WPB will be fruitful.

Everyone else Im too lazy to address, good luck.

 

[Lull]

Lift your skinny fists like antennas to heaven.

Im straight and all, but Id so have sex with Tim Curry as Frank N Furter.

Everything that is good in me has died. I killed it, and something deep down inside me is quite glad that it is gone, but another side of me is sad that its gone, and I hope that it would resurrect itself unto me, and bring me my cheery self again, but not much of me is like a phoenix, and Im sad to say that my hopes dont seem to be in the right place... not at this moment. Im pitiful... but I dont expect any of you to understand this what so ever because there is more to the story than what you can simply find out simply by reading this. The mood is being cradled by alcohol and somber music -- I listen to the cries of others... and Im tired of helping them. I want it for myself, but Im never good enough. I never have what it takes and I never will, though I long for it so heavily. I dont understand why and I may not ever. I call myself God because, quite frankly, I wish I were. If I were, Id make things so much better for myself and my friends, Id make everything work out perfectly for everyone. Id make a better God than the one that we have now. Id acctually intervene in things. Id make everyone happy; everyone deserves it. God they fucking deserve it.

I dont live up to the joke. Wait, I do. I am a joke. But thats far beyond my control... and Im killing myself for it.

I just cant take it anyomore.

Last time I did heroin, I swore that if I ever did it again, Id let it kill me. Id want it to kill me because I couldnt live with the shame of it.

Last night, it didnt happen.

 

[Lull]

und die Welt zählt laut bis zehn

Eins
Hier kommt die Sonne
Zwei
Hier kommt die Sonne
Drei
Sie ist der hellste Stern von allen
Vier
Und wird nie vom Himmel fallen
Fünf
Hier kommt die Sonne
Sechs
Hier kommt die Sonne
Sieben
Sie ist der hellste Stern von allen
Acht , neun
Hier kommt die Sonne

 

[Lull]

This was taken when a friend of mine killed himself. He shot himself on the phone with his ex fiancee when she refused to take him back...

I was in a room with a few of his friends, recollecting our experience with him. I was ina corner to myself.

This is how the picture turns out.

Ive been told its beautiful and scary in so many ways.

I just now found it.

Ironic that Im wearing the same shirt that I was wearing when that picture was taken.

 

[Lull]

Bright Eyes - Lifted, or the Story is in the Soil, Keep your Ear to the Ground

An album that makes me wanna cry. Its incredibly sad, to be honest. Not sad as in death, but depressing in the words he conveys through-out the entire album.

Electric Wizard - Let us Prey

To me this is their best album. It has a much more jamming feel to it, and is much more negative. Negative as in the sound, not the words. Rarely do they hit a major or even standard key, but instead they revolve around minor keys and the like. I also like how the vocals are mixed nearly out of the songs completely. Heavy as nails record.

Cold Play - Rush of Blood to the Head

I dont know many people who like this band and I know fewer who can bear this album, but I enjoy it immensly. Soft, well written ballads.