Not a sixth grade issue

[hotnoodles]

So, yeah, this is supposed to be a sixth grade journal and all, but I've come to the realization that I have a lot of issues with improv right now and I should get them out. Instead of starting a new thread I will just sorta supplement this one.

I am in a troupe. I was so excited because I had moved and I had to start all over again developing the relationships you develop with a new troupe. I didn't know when I was going to get to perform again. The troupe I joined was very different from the troupe I was working with. This new troupe was not competitive. They did long form. A majority of the performers had acting background. This was all a little unnerving for me. But I continued on and did my best, enjoying the little stage time I was getting and the relationships that were developing.

So it has been about 4 months since I have been performing with this troupe. I have been frustrated with the teaching style of our directors. We have six of them and none of them seem to be able to help me understand how to develop characters. I am afraid to get on the stage and try things because I am afraid of what they will say afterward. I am afraid they will say something that I don't understand, which makes me feel like I am under attack. I am really frustrated. I've thought about quiting, I've thought about going to another troupe. I just don't know what to do.

What has made it even worse is that our troupe is going through a lot of changes. We have just brought on a lot of new people (me being one of them). Another improv troupe that was performing in our theather was kicked out and we took their spot. This has brought some nasty audiences. Our directors have started a top performer list. If you aren't on this list you don't get to perform more then once a month. That really sucked. It's sorta created a riff between the list and those not on the list. To accompany this, the directors sat down all of the troupe members one at a time and gave them feedback on their performances. What we could improve on and what we should keep doing to get on "the list". Now, seeing as how I am already frustrated with the teaching of our directors you can imagine how my "meeting" went. Not very well. They told me I needed to work on my characters and my confidence. Duh! I already knew that! But how in the hell am I supposed to do that in this environment?! Yeah, meetings like this give me a lot of confidence on stage. Especially when I only get to perform once a month. Damn them.

I'm not the type of person who vents without having some sort of back up plan. Yes, I'm upset, but that doesn't mean I don't have a plan of attack. Here is where I am at now. The last couple of shows I have done have been great. I have been more relaxed, I have had more confidence, and I am really enjoying myself on stage. I felt more comfortable being there. I have been reading Truth in Comedy and one of my friends gave me some other stuff to read. I am accessing this site for ideas on characters. Yeah. I'm not going to worry about my little feedback session because worrying about that will not make me a better improvisor. Keeping a good attitude and staying motivated to work will make me a better improvisor. I also have to stay unattached because it will affect the rest of my life too. If I am stressed about improv the rest of my life will be stressed. That is bad. So, take it all with a grain of salt. Keep searching for new information on improv. Relax and enjoy the ride.

Ah, much better. Now back to the 6th graders!!!

 

[hotnoodles]

Hmmm, I just realized I created a new thread. Oops. Oh, well. Now I have two journals. Whatever.

 

[hotnoodles]

So yesterday the stage manager calls and says can you play, an hour before the show. Seeing as how I am only performing once a month I take it.

It felt pretty good. I was exhausted, but I was really relaxed. I didn't worry all too much about what I was doing, which made me a lot more comfortable on stage.

Here are my two thoughts from the show. The first was from a scene I did in longform. I was getting frustrated with my scene partner because it didn't seem like he was listening to me. I thought I was giving him so good offers. Now I am going to twist my thinking. I was really consumed with my thoughts, so I probably wasn't thinking about what he was giving me. Huh. Ok, something to think about.

The other thought was about bad advice. As I was standing on stage I was thinking about doing rather then stating, showing rather then telling. So then when I was given my suggestion and I kept on thinking what I could do. But then I busted out this old grandma character that was asking a young man if the evening dress I was wearing was going to get me first place. My partner totally picked it up. I'm worried that I was in my head, but you know I don't think I was because I wasn't thinking while I was in character. Hmmm, I'll think some more on it.

Peace.

 

[hotnoodles]

Hmmm, a lot has happened since last I wrote. But it has been a lot of nothing.

My troupe no longer has a place to perform. This makes me really upset and angry. I don't have anywhere to do my longform any more! Which really sucks, because I felt like I was just getting into the swing of it. I was starting to relax and have fun with the things that were being offered me. I had planned on throwing myself into improv this summer, doing nothing but. We are supposed to be starting rehersals again here pretty soon through the summer, but I am skeptical. I really wish I had an audience to perform for.

I just finished reading Jesse's journal though and it made me think about my outlook on improv. I am trying to make myself the best I can be also. It makes me feel good to know that someone on my troupe has the same attitude as me. So, I've done something a little crazy to help promote the education of Laine (that's me, by the way). We had a long form coach come out to Salt Lake and train us on long form. I got so much out of it, it's riduculous. It motivated me to start looking for other classes I could take during the summer time. Being that I'm a teacher I can afford to pick up and go for a while. But the classes I saw would not work into my schedule. So then I was chatting with a friend and he suggested the Del Close festival. At first I thought about just going to watch, to be inspired by others. He pushed me even further then that though. He suggested I get a team together. 24 hours later I have five other girls who want to travel to New York to perform in this long form festival. I'm so excited. I can't wait to find out if I get to go! It would give me a goal and motivate me to practice my long form with a group of girls I absolutely adore. It will give me the chance to travel to New York and see some amazing long form. I imagine I will go whether I get in or not, just so I can see what I'm missing. I'm really looking forward to this summer.

So, that's the synopsis of where I am at right now. I'm feel like I am in a slump, but things should be picking up here really soon. Maybe this break will inspire me when I start practicing again.

 

[hotnoodles]

Woo Hoo! Things are so great right now. I can't believe how well things are going.

I had a rehearsal for the for the first time in about a month last Tuesday. It was so great. Everyone seemed so alive and natural and ready to do this all again. When I was watching scenes it was making so much more sense to me. I could see the game people were playing. I was able to think of different choices in my head that would heighten other scenes. My scenes were good. I went on stage and thought to myself, I have obcd, and I kept those characteristics, but I didn't let them rule the scene. I had other characters that I stuck to that I let work into the scene. It was pretty cool. I really had a, let's do this attitude. A who gives the fuck.

The other really cool thing is that I get to come to New York and perform with all you guys. I am so excited. I can't wait. The girls in my group are all really pumped too. It's so much fun to play with people who are so excited and positive and jazzed to do improv. It's going to be great to see what us girls can do in New York.

Plus, I get to see the big time players! Oh, my gosh. I can't wait to have my mind blown away. To be totally amazed by these different performances.

So, yes. I am happy. It's a really good place to restart improv from. Yipee!

 

[hotnoodles]

Jerked around

Wow, I have slipped to the third page of journals. Either people have a lot on their minds or I haven't visited in a while. I think it's the latter.

I feel like a rag doll. I am so fed up with my director and the troupe I am in. He keeps on tugging us in different directions. We have started rehearsals again, which is really good and really bad. Good, because I get to do improv. Bad, well there's lots of reasons. The first one is that we don't have any set shows so no one feels a real urgency to be there. The second bad thing is the way they have been run. The first couple of rehearsal went great because Jesster was in there teaching. I had a blast with him. He made me feel like I was doing some great improv, which is a feeling I haven't felt in a looong time. Since last summer actually. Then our head director came back. I didn't go to the first rehearsal he taught, but the second rehearsal did not go well for me. I was so confused about what he was asking us to do. It didn't seem to have anything to do with what we had been working on in the past. I put aside my fears to try out a scene, but in the middle of the scene I get yelled at for not acting in the appropriate way. I lost it. I was so mad I couldn't even think straight. I had to leave mid-rehearsal. Today I get an e-mail that says the troupe will have an emergency meeting and that if we want to perform or even stay together as a troupe then I should be there. A half hour before the emergency rehearsal I get a phone call saying the rehearsal is canceled. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

I am so pissed off and confused and tired of being lied to. He says if you come to rehearsal then you will perform. I come to almost every damn rehearsal, but do I get to perform? No. Do I even feel like a good performer? No! I try to show him respect, I try to learn from what he is teaching us. But he keeps going back on his word. I can never tell if he will ever follow through on the things he tells us.

So, do I leave? I have considered this so many times. I promised myself, if I am not happy, stop doing what is making me unhappy. I am really not happy with our troupe right now. We are in shambles. But what are my options? Drive an hour to Clearfield every time I want to do improv? Give up all my friends that I love to perform with? I really don't want to give up long form, but this is the only troupe that is really supporting it right now. I am so frustrated.

Ok, the positive. Where is the positive. I always need the positive. This is not my troupe. I am only a performer in this troupe. I can perform to the best of my ability and continually strive to improve my craft. Use the board, use books, use my friends and their ideas. Next week I can enjoy rehearsal and I will try to make the most out of it. Last but not least, I'm going to New York!!! I'm really happy about this, because it's my thing. I don't think there is anything that my director can do that will ruin this improv experience for me.

Alright. Peace.

 

[hotnoodles]

Summer vacation is so great. I can take the time I want to read, spend all the time I want on improv.

I just went back and read the journals from people in my troupe. It was enlightening. Also made me want to think a little harder about what I am doing.

Ryloc kinda adjusted my outlook on rehearsal. Gave me a quote that will help me get through.

Austin gave me hope. I love the energy I see in his journals. Yeah, he may be over extended, but he is really developing something so cool. I understand a little bit better what I experienced last night.

Jesster. Ohhh, Jesse. Jesse and I think the same way a lot of the time. I'm glad I read his journal because it kinda twisted my perception of our rehearsals around. Yeah, I can see how tough this is for Joe now. We are all over the place. What differs between Jesse and I is that he is a lot more committed to the troupe then I am. I don't have much invested in. I don't really feel like I am appreciated. I actually don't know what I bring to the troupe. Would I even be missed if I was gone? I guess that is why I am not really as open or willing to work. But then again, do I do improv to bring things to the troupe or do I do it so I can do improv. Or .... are they so intwined that they can't be seen as separate entities. I don't know. I shouldn't have to think this hard. It's summer vacation.

So here is my mantra for the next couple of weeks.

"i am not gonna worry about anything but supporting who i'm on stage with and having fun. "

Thank you Ryan.

 

[hotnoodles]

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I'm feeling really content right now. Very at home and at peace.

Jesse ran rehearsal on Tuesday. It felt good. It was the first time ever I had stayed the full four hours of rehearsal. Jesse did the Diggler thing and I had a blast. Really made me figure out who my character was. Granted, I didn't stick with it the entire time, but that is something I can work on.

Hehehe, my cat just stretched and fell off the top of the bookshelf.

But anyway. I have stopped really caring what the directors say about my improv. I just keep telling myself that I am a good improvisor that I'm getting better. And that confidence gets me through scenes. It feels really awkward though. I'm not used to saying that type of stuff about myself. I also haven't really felt all that confident about my acting lately. Kinda like I only half heartedly believe myself.

I got to do an away show Wednesday. It was all short form. I really enjoyed myself. We played at the state hospital for it's mental patients. I was a little weird because some of them were obviously out of it. But I have worked in that environment before and was used to it. I recognized the people that were enjoying the show and that's what made it great. Afterwards the kids came up and wanted to talk to us and sign stuff. It was fun.

 

[hotnoodles]

Man, am I feeling anxious. It feels like something cataclismic is going to happen and I'm not prepared for it.

Thursday was supposed to be our first Skirts rehearsal. It was a little disappointing because only three of the six girls could make it. I was bummed. But I felt like the stuff I did was good. I created a male character named Matt and stuck to the stuff that I set out for myself. Then we worked on monologs. That was cool. I think anyone can do a monolog as long as they practice it once or twice. Lisa, who was really worried about it got pretty good in the 15/20 minutes we worked on it.

So then yesterday we were just messing around after Scottie and Emily's play. We tried doing the diggler again. I did not feel as confident about it. Well, yes and no. I didn't really feel my character so it made my scenework kinda crummy. That's at the heart of why I feel blue right now. But we did workout some of the kinks of the form. How to honor the suggestion, how to transition, etc. One thing that I really did like about it was when I chose my character. While one stage Emily stepped up before me and started to talk about her character Melissa. Just as she was doing that I was thinking that I was going to be a Melanie. Instead of changing it I went with it and made us twins. I'm glad I stuck to my guns, just wish I had spent a little more time developing my "guns".

So, DCM is two and half weeks away. I'm sorta freaking out. I'm not sure if one of our members will be able to go. We have rehearsed once with only half the cast there. I'm feeling rather shaky about my improv. Yikes.

I get to perform tonight though. Yay!!!!! Super Yippee skippy. It's going to be weird. We aren't going to be on our stage. I haven't performed with these people in a while. It's going to be a totally different audience. I hope things go well. Just remember to have fun and support yourself and your partner

 

[hotnoodles]

Yay! I got to perform! It was awsome. We lost a lot of steam in the second show, but I still think I did some good stuff with it.

The first show was pretty great. Our energy was really high. The audience loved us. We tried a Diggler for our first long form. I think it turned out really well, but I was frustrated with the opening part of it. It seemed like everyone was trying to jump over each other to get stage time. I only got to go out once to say an affirmation. I guess it didn't really matter to me because I still had that character trait in my head, but the audience didn't get to hear any of them, so I felt like they kinda missed out. It's hard with seven people.

The second show really dragged. We didn't have as much people and the cast's energy was dragging. But I had a really good time. Before the long form I sat down and wrote down all the things I wanted to remember. Listen to your partner, react off of it, I think I feel I want, do what your character would do,etc. It really helped me focus on what I was doing. I guess I had three characters on stage. The first one I was a steam cleaner working at red robin. I was really proud of this character. I stuck to my guns and made a really interesting situation for my boss. The second character I turned into a student filming an accident. It was a little weird. I don't think there was good listening on stage. I wanted to start something with Jesse, but another cast memeber wanted to continue a previous scene. Should she have backed off, should I have noticed she was on the stage? Who knows. But I stuck to my character. The last one I did was a Mrs. Robinson character I got from the opener we did. I carried it off pretty good, but I lost my character when the environment wasn't what I thought it was. I realized I wasn't going to get my way about half way through the scene, it seemed like my partner wasn't listening to what I was offering.

After the show, Jesse and Micki (who has a history of being a really hard critic :exp: ) complimented me on my show. That made me feel really good, that other people were picking up on what I was doing. Improv will not ellude me!!!!

 

[hotnoodles]

Celebration and Anxiety

So, has anyone figured out that I am Laine from Jesster's Junk's journal? Hmmm. I suppose it doesn't do me any good to be a mystery.

There have been some really good things and some bad things going on. Let's go over the bad and then get to the good.

Hmmm, so one of the skirts has bailed. This makes me really upset because she is using me as an excuse. She said some pretty hurtful things to me. I'm trying to blow it off as best I can. It kinda fucks with my energy about New York though. I really want to be positive, but it's hard with this looming over me. The rest of the skirts are doing ok. I haven't let on what is going on (as I wonder who reads this journal). Our group mind is a little shaky. One of our girls didn't stay to rehearse the diggler last night and it kinda pissed me off. She thinks we are fine improvisors, which I agree with, but I would really like us all to be on the same page before we perform it. Hmmm. Grrr.

Speaking of the diggler. I like it as an exercise. I don't like it as a long form. I think we could do a lot more with a harold. Hmm.

On to the positive. Wow, we actually had a good rehearsal last night. Joe was running it, which was cool. I got a little bit more respect for him when we performed together. I also got a little more confidence on stage this past weekend. I had more confidence when I did scenes infront of him. When I did my characters I stuck to them. It was pretty fun. I did two scenes, one where I was dominating Jarky in a paddle ball/baseball scene. It was pretty great. The second scene I was in I was playing a game of one-upsmanship with Jady that really got me lauging. It even got Joe to laugh out loud, which I never thought I would be able to do. Go me. So I had a good time at rehearsal last night.

I rehearsed with OTW tonight. It was alright. I don't know. It's so hard to keep my confidence when I get feedback. I was doing a scene with a girl and I really didn't understand what was going on. It seemed to me that she was throwing out some pretty funky lines. I didn't understand them. So I reverted back to my comfort zone, which made me loose the energy/intrest in the scene. Afterward the director pointed it out to me and it bummed me out. I know I should just take notes and learn from them. And he was totally right. But I have been doing this for almost a year now and I still don't seem to get it. It seems like every time I get a little bit of confidence I will get some feedback and it will take me down again. I wish I wasn't having such a hard time with long form. I wish I could understand a little bit better.

Ok, now I am going to back myself up. You are being pretty stupid. When people give you feedback it is only to help you get better. You understand so much more then you did when you first started all this. You are starting to get what directors are telling you. It's just taking a really long time. Baby steps, babe, baby steps.

Alright. Enough. I perform tomorrow. I get to play with my favorite ladies ever, the SLC Skirts. I can't wait. Yay!

 

[hotnoodles]

Yeah, the SLC Skirts are coming to New York. Yeah, we're peforming at the DCM. I kinda got it all rolling and I am so excited. I don't really know how we compare to the rest of the improv world. I don't know if we are amazing or if we are small fish in a big pond. But you know what is going to bring people to our show? The fact that there are five women on stage that absolutely adore each other and absolutley adore improv. What better combination could you have?

So we did the extravagnza tonight. It was so great. I had a lot of nervous energy. I feel a lot of responsibility being the person that got the skirts up and running to make sure things go smoothly. We did warm up exercises, I ran through things I wanted to remember with Emily, we did a compliment circle that gave me warm fuzzies. When they announced us to go on stage they built us up so much. Acknowledged the fact that we were going to New York. Implied that we were amazing. A lot to live up to. But when we got on stage it was so perfect. We created characters that honored the suggestion. The characters developed relationships with each other. We stuck to what we started. It was so amazing.

There were two brilliant times on stage that I must record. The first was watching my two cast mates on stage, watching them in their characters respond honestly and truly. It made me so happy. I couldn't believe that I was so lucky to get to play with such wonderful awesome girls. The second was when I looked out into the audience. They were eating us up. I will remember Abby, an aquaitence of mine, sitting on the edge of her seat with her mouth open in a half smile. It was so great. I love to perform with these girls.

Ok, I'm feeling the effects of beer and exhaustion. I can't wait to be in New York. Happy Joy!

 

[hotnoodles]

Man, am I Happy

YAY! I've been in such a good mood lately. I'd like to think it is because of the IRC. I started typing in this journal. It acutally made me sit down and think through my improv. I found the root of my problems, my lack of confidence (which is VERY unlike me). Now that I know what is holding me back I am doing things to fix them. YAY! YAY! YAY!

So last night was rehearsal. It was cool. Really cool. One of our troupe members that had been on hiatus for a while had come back to play and we had such a good time working with him. At least I did. Before workshop I had a double latte, mmmmm coffee. (Have I mentioned how much I miss Seattle?) I was rather jittery and couldn't wait to do improv. Also, on the way to the workshop I kept on singing my new mantra in my head, "I own the stage/take care of yourself first, baby". Gave me a really strong feeling. Pretty cool. So I got on stage and I really enjoyed myself. I did a scene with Lisa about my sexual inadequecies. I did a scene with The Face about marraige. I knew what the game was and I felt like I did a very good job of heightening the situation. I was a walk on in a scene where I heightened and clarified. We did a group game where I led a boy's choir. We did another group game where I was planting some old man's pot. IT WAS GREAT!!!! I put myself up on stage more then I have ever been on stage. I really felt like I understood the whole scenework stuff better and playing it for what it was worth.

Here's the cool part. After all of my scenes Joe gave feedback. What was cool was that I understood what he was saying, I asked for clarification, and I took from it what I agreed with. The rest I just said, "screw it!" and didn't let it affect me. That was a really cool feeling too. Alot of times in the past I didn't understand a word Joe was saying and it made me feel like shit. Like I was an awful improvisor for not knowing. Now I feel confident enough to try and pull information from it all, but not make a big deal if it doesn't impact me. Yay!!!

I love improv! :inlove: :love: :inlove:

 

[hotnoodles]

cloud nine

My word I am happy. This is all just a little ridiculous, but so very cool at the same time.

This weekend the DCM really changed my outlook on things. About improv, about my friends, about love. Sigh .....

First, New York is cool. I miss being in a big city. Having that I Don't Give a Fuck, Get Out of My Way, Take Care of Yourself attitude. Kinda fun. I don't think I would ever want to live there, but fun to visit. For the most part the people I met were cool. There were a few locals I met that I wanted to kill, but all the improvisers were awesome. Made me want to move so I could spend time with more people like that. The shows were amazing. I can't even describe how they made me feel. The group mind that I saw on stage, the patience, the honesty, damn, all of it was so awesome. Now I see what this is all about. Some of my favorite groups were Mosaic, We 3, Otis, the WP theater project, Mother, the neutrino project, and of course Mother Fuckin' Queeah. Oh, my god, I can only hope that I will some day be as good as the woman I saw during their show. They are my gods.

So I saw some great stuff in New York. But here's what surprises me. I thought it would really suck to come back to Salt Lake and deal with my troupe. But it's not. It actually makes things so much easier. I feel like I can take so much more from our manager because I know what the end product is. It's not the KYSOff shows any more. It's doing long form, period. KYSOff is just the tool that I can use to help me do something I love. That's what I see.

Ok, so my show. Let's see. I think we did good. Wasn't our best, but you know. Whatever. I was really disappointed in what I did though. Really, I try not to be too hard on myself, but I wasn't me on stage this weekend. I was over thinking long form. We all got on stage and did our opening. When I heard Jady's character I got so pissed off. Or really uncomfortable. I don't know. It really makes me feel uncomfortable when she does the whole penis-male thing socially. Call me a prude I guess. But then she did it on stage and she did it huge. It was way over the top. Really awesome, but it made me so uncomfortable. It made it so hard for me to concentrate on what was going on. I felt myself going for the plot and it felt like crap. I felt like I wasn't true to my character. I don't know. I am pissed that I let myself be thrown that much by someone. I shouldn't have let that happen.

Damn, I feel like such a young inexperienced improvisor.

Hey let's talk about happy things! Yay! Um, so there was this guy, who improvises. I was introduced and I thought, "hmm, he's hot, I'm going to go after him!" So, what turned into a conquest, ended up being something really really awesome. As I got to know him he turned out to be so cool. He teaches, he's an improviser, he's got two jobs and he's going to school, he's funny and nice. Ahh, the list could go on. I ended up feeling all warm and fuzzy when he would hold my hand. I'd get a big grin on my face when he entered a room. So, here I am, the girl that was out to date the world, now searching for flights to go visit Mr. Brown. Who would have thought things would have ended up this way. Yeah, it's scary he's in North Carolina. Yeah, it's scary that I have these feelings about someone after four days. But you know, I'm going to try it out. See where it takes me. I feel like I am in a pretty good place right now. I feel strong enough to try this. We'll see where I end up.

Ok, party people. Gotta go. Thanks for taking the time.

 

[hotnoodles]

I'm so happy right now. I feel like I am finally starting to get the upper hand on this improv beast. I've been doing some scenes that I understand and that I am proud of. It feels really good.

Went to KYSOff rehearsal on Tuesday. Emily and Austin were there and four others that had not gone to NY. I definitely felt close to Austin and Emily and really wanted to do scenes with them. Especially Emily, I could not get enough of her. So I did some pretty cool scenes. The only one I can remember is the one with Scott where I played his delinquent mother who was encouraging him to smoke and not have friends. I found the game and I made some really strong decisions. It was such a cool feeling. Kinda weird cause I don't think I trust Scott on stage all that much. I also played a short form game with Emily and Austin that was a blast. We did a lot of listening and just got really silly. Emily kept making me shake my ass which was fun. Joe wanted us to practice introducing a third character so I had some fun scenes with that. On one I entered as a wife that was trying to mess up my husband's relationship with his girlfriend. I called back objects they had been using before. It was great. There was another where Logan endowed me as female when I walked on stage, even though they had been talking about my character as a male. Whatever. I got to kill him with my gigantic pecs in the end.

So I was really worried that I was going to forget all the stuff that I saw in New York. That I would forget what long form is all about. Then that brilliant Corey of mine suggested I write it down. What and idea! Things I want to remember.

1. The make out scenes were people's mouths were open and gyrating, but no one was touching.
2. WPA and their old west theme. Their guitar player/banjo player. And how they took a moment to interact with each other as old west characters before the went into scenes.
3. Wicked Fuckin' Queer and everything about it. The beer on stage. Sweep edit. Connection time. We're trying to do a scene here. Recognizing that they were trying to do some improv and labeling all the things they were doing. So amazing. So amazing.
4. Neutrino. That was so cool. I have never scene people do anything like that. The coffee and tea scene. The laundry scene. The new relationship scene. I think I was wowed by the cameras, I'm not sure.
5. The movie form. That was pretty cool how they painted out all the scenes, then had them connect. Really cool. A lot of interupted scenes though.
6. We 3. Oh my gosh, I can only hope to find two others that I trust that much on stage. Damn. How one person would set a location and they would just go. How confident that girl was. It was amazing.
7. Mosaic had so many people on stage, but they all listened and were so supportive. It was great. I will remember someone saying that there are all these arrows pointed around his head and he can't move or he'll poke an eye out. How Tj pointed out that there was a mile of reckage behind a fireside. When someone said that there was a salami hurtling through the air, and the guy turned around and devoured it all. Oh my gosh. Amazing.

The list could go on. Shit it was so great. Baby Wants Candy and the moose fish. Beautiful. It makes me feel all a little bit drunk in the head.

Ok. I'm off. I'm happy. Yay Improv!! :inlove:

 

[hotnoodles]

Angry, so angry

I couldnt' really understand it when I moved here. When I was in Spokane, I killed on stage. I loved the feeling. People really dug my jokes, the cast really supported me, the directors expressed to me how much talent I had. It was awesome. I loved improv and I wanted to do it forever. Then I moved to Utah. Things went downhill. I felt like shit over the stuff I was doing on stage and in rehearsal. I felt like the audience really wasn't receptive to the stuff I was doing. All the confidence I had in Spokane slowly began to slip down the drain. I went from feeling like a great improviser to a shitty improviser.

Tonight I performed. It felt really good to perform. Really,really good to perform. For my shows I thought I did alright. Certainly not up to the Spokane standards, but I got a few laughs. And I think the team did really well. On the way to the car, or in the car rather, my friend said something along the lines of,"It's too bad, I think that if you were male you would have been much more well recieved." Then it hit me. I was a female improvisor in Utah. It didn't matter how good I was, I was not going to be as funny as the male's that I shared the stage with. Damn, that pissed me off. Not just pissed me off. Really enraged me. I can't believe that I didn't see it sooner. I'm kinda disappointed that I did see it. It's really frustrating to studying improv, but it's even tougher now that I see what's in front of me. I'm batteling stereotypes rather then just ignorance for the craft.

You know what's even worse. In Spokane I knew why I was doing improv. Because of the audience. I loved making the audience laugh. But what's the point now. I will not be well received. I won't be able to make them laugh. I'm not going to be able to get my adreneline fix. It really makes me want to cry. The thing I thought I loved isn't what I thought it was.

So where is the positive. I can't leave without some sort of positive. As I was driving home I was racking my brain trying to figure this out. How can I turn this into a new goal for me. I think I have come up with something, so here we go. I am pissed off. Really pissed off. Instead of just giving up I am going to master my craft and blow everyone out of the water. I want to go on stage with so much confidence and not be afraid to say anything. I will show those people. I will learn as much as I can, all the time and become one of the best. Fuck people's perceptions. I want to knock them on their asses. I'd like to see someone say I can't.

To end on a random thought. I swear, Salt Lake has the latest sunrises of any city. It's six o'clock and the sun isn't fully up yet. It's because of the mountains. The sun has to get so far up in the sky before it's seen. Hmm, random thoughts.

 

[hotnoodles]

Hmm, I can't let this go by. When we were saying goodbye to the audience at the end of the show one girl came up to me and said I was the best girl on stage. I could say a lot of stuff that would discount this compliment, but at this point I don't want to. There was someone out there tonight who thought what I was doing was funny. I have got to appreciate that.

 

[hotnoodles]

Yay. Things are better now. It occured to me yesterday that the person who made the comment about me being a woman was a fairly negative person. While I'm glad he made the point, just so I am aware of it, it's not really like me to have one thing get me down. :tsk:

To remedy the situation I decided that I was going to do as much improv as possible yesterday. It was so much fun. I spent time with good people although I was exhausted. I went up to Clearfield and did scenes with Austin and his troupe. It's really kinda strange and refreshing to work up there. They are so young. Like high school kids, some not event that. They are also really young in their improv. They make some poor scene moves, like ask questions or talk too much. It's fun for me to be there though. I like their energy. Their innocence. :angel:

I had a lot of fun doing scenes though. I did one with Zack who is one of the newest/youngest kiddos. It was really fun for me to try and make the most out of the scene. He said he loved me on stage, but then he said he was a pathalogical liar. We fumbled around for a bit, trying to figure out our relationship, but then I latched onto the fact that no one else would put up with him so he better figure out what he wanted. It was great. Then we did these exercises where we stood across from each other on stage and our goal was to step closer to each other each time we said something that would affect them. I did it three times. It was fun. The first one was with Caleb. My first line was "I was the one who left the puppy on the front step" We went into this set where he shoved paste up my nose, etc. etc. Then it turned into lust and we finally ended when I was standing nearly on top of him, a good four inches taller mind you, and us ending on the fact that we will always have kindergarten. It was cool. I did another scene with Derek about him cheating on me because I was so into goth, etc, etc. Again, ending up in his space. Then I did one to Austin. He started with a I can't believe how good you look line. I still get a little shocked when people make comments about that so I was thrown of guard at first, but it was fun. I could have made it more about him, but whatever. Then we did a couple of Armondo's. They were fun. I was being silly. In one scene I was a hooker waxer type character. Kinda fun. In another I was a talking fish. In yet another I was an all knowing snake. I really felt comfortable there and kinda felt goofy, had a lot of fun.

Then I went down to Quick Wits Salt Lake. Boy, was that interesting. Such a change from the long form I had been hearing. Bob, the director kept on talking about the gimick, what the gimick was in the scene. And he would not shut up! I swear he would talk for 15 minutes before he actually explained the next game. We only did four games in two hours. Kinda silly. It was good to be there though. I got to see my favorite guys. Troy, Jesse, and Ben. It was kinda funny, Bob implied that I was Jesse's wife, then I went and spooned Troy on the LoveSac. Hehehe. I'm the improv whore. I love those guys. :love: :inlove: :love:

A grand total of five hours of improv. I am pretty darn proud of myself. Really switched my attitude around. I did some good work yesterday, even though I was wicked tired.

Yay! Go team!

 

[hotnoodles]

Clapping my hands

I'm so happy. I don't even really think that it's fair that someone my age should be as happy as I am. Wow. Here's the run down, party people.

1. I'm 25 years old and I have found my dream job. People ask me what is so great about it and I can't even beginning to communicate why I am such a perfect fit for this job. Like it takes a good half hour at least of my babbling to understand why I love my job. But for you improv nuts, let me just tell you. Last year my principal let me, a first year teacher, teach an improv class to sixth graders. Amazing because a.) I had never taught the class before and b.) first year teaching is notoriously hard for even the best and brightest people. Teachers get tired and fried and can barely write their name straight there is so much going on. She let me teach it and it was a blast. So great.

2. I'm happy because of the Skirts. What a great bunch of girls. I LOVE to perform with them. And we're trying to expand. We're finding new places to perfrom. It's all a a little scary, but so exciting to think that we started this. Woohoo!

3. I have only been doing improv for a year and a half (long form for not even a year), and I'm loving it. And I got to perform in New York!!! How many people can say that. I mean really?????

4. I'm starting to get long form!! Holy, hell, it's been a long hard journey, which has barely even started. But the tired frustrated girl you met earlier is no more. I am holding my characters, I am making very deliberate choices in my scenes. I am really proud of what I am doing. I still haven't got the whole connections thing in my scenework, but you know what, it will come. It will so come. I have all the time in the world.

5. I have met this amazing guy who I can share my passion with improv with me (among other things )When I have issues about my troupe or what I do in improv, he listens and helps me sort things out. We talk improv theory. I can tell him about a scene I did and he appreciates what I do. It's so great to be able to share my passion with someone who gets it. Man, does it feel SO good. And I get to see him do improv next Saturday!!!! Yippee! I can't wait!!!!

6. All of my friends are improvisers. And they are so great. They are light hearted and spontaneous and totally supportive of me. I feel so well taken care of.

Ugggh, it's exhausting being this happy.

So let's log where I am at now. I went to rehearsal last Tuesday, the Tuesday before that I was at the DMB concert. Man that was great. Dave is a god. The fiddle player is a god. Man. This past rehearsal was pretty good. First off, I promised myself that I would not spend more then two and a half hours at rehearsal. I just get tired and bummed out at rehearsal. So why let myself be angry with improv? I don't want to be burned out, so I leave at half time. Makes me feel really refreshed. I'm so glad I made that desicion. Jesse had us work on monologs. Let me tell you, he could be one of the great teachers if he wanted. He is so talented. He can explain it. He points out what we are doing well, but then shows us how to heighten it. And he shows us examples, explains what to do to make myself better! I swear, I would follow this man anywhere he would go to learn improv from him. I adore him. He's a good friend, a great improviser, and a great teacher. Ok, his head will get big, and I know he reads my journal so I will move on . Although I was really rusty I felt good about the monolog I did. About footflops and callouses. Not all that great, but I understand why. Then we did short form with Joe. It was kinda interesting. We played the dating game and I had a blast. I shut out the rest of the world and just kinda did my own thing. I was on the rollercoaster riding to break the world record. I really felt good about what I was doing. So, that was Tuesday.

Wednesday was improv heaven for me. I drove up to Clearfield and practiced with Off the Wall. There were only six people there which made it really intimate. I really dug it. We did a lot of scenes. Austin gave me notes and I recieved them really well (whew, no more hissy fits , on my part that is). I did several scenes with people I adore; Austin, Adam, and Joe. Well, I don't think I did any scenes with Adam, but it was good to have him there. Let's see, there was a scene where Austin was my shitty doctor who had accidentaly mistreated my grandma, killing her. I was also his patient and he was heading down the same track just to get a date with me. The other scene I loved was with Joe. He was in a relationship with me and it was all about how he was getting to know my family so he could marry me. So much fun. My mother made a pass at him. My father slapped him around. It ended at the alter with Joe saying some killer line. (I am so bad at remembering that stuff). :tsk: Afterwards Joe, Adam, Austin and I went to dinner, then we went over to the improv house (where something like four improvisers live and a lot more hang out there) and watched our tape from New York. It was great.

Alright, I got all my comings and goings down. I'm really pleased. I'm so happy. Have I mentioned that??? Hmmm.

If you're happy and you know it ...... :up:

 

[hotnoodles]

One last thing. I just gotta say how cool it is to see so many improv journals from my Utah peeps out there. We are really starting to do something cool here. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us Ute Improvisers.