Yay! I knew the show went well when I saw Noah dance a little jig before he gave us notes. My class still has a ways to go, but we were much more confident and playful. And less bitty. (Thank goodness.) They asked me to direct them again on Thursday. I reluctantly agreed. But a wise improviser told me that sometimes the person who should be in charge is the one who does not necessarily want that role. And sometimes the ones who do, may not be right for the part. Which in this case, I would agree. Several classmates with very little training want to direct as well. I said they should, because what a great opportunity to learn. But a few tried, and were met with quite a bit of animosity from the group. And I experienced none of that. They were very excited to have me in charge. So reluctantly I accept.
It's funny. Looking back. Three years ago I wanted to DIRECT! And be in charge! And I didn't know anything. And now when I feel like I could direct anyone, I don't want that. Well, I would love to teach. I just realize that a good director needs quite a bit of focus. It's harder to be in charge than it is to play. A teacher or director isn't just someone who sits in the back of the room nodding yes or no, with the occasional rolling eyes when the performers don't "get it." A real director, is less judgemental than even a player tries to be. Because if a performer doesn't get it, they need to change their methods until the performer does. And if someone is having difficulty, it is the director's fault, not the performer.
I remember being annoyed during rehearsals when an exercise would be run, and half the people didn't follow directions. And then without comment, we'd move on to the next item on the agenda. Merely running an exercise does not make things work. Explain it in a different way. Do another exercise to help them figure it out. And don't judge them. Judging your students does not make them better. I think I have learned just as much, if not more, from poor directors than I have from good ones.
Last night Noah told me I could do more during shows. To not hold back or be as polite. I said I was afraid I would bowl everyone over. And he said not to worry about that. Maybe that would wake up some of the performers. That if I brought that level of intensity to my play, then people would have no choice. Either they would join up, or disappear. And if they tried to disappear, I could throw them on stage. Wow. He basically told me I could run the show. Part of me was celebrating. What! I can do what ever I want? I can steer the show? Me? And part of me was freaking out. What? You mean these people look up to me so much they would let me be in charge? That my energy alone dictates whether or not we have a good show? What a tall order. What a scary burden. And then I told myself to shut up and just play. Well, we will see what I do next week. I have permission to do whatever I want. Wait a minute. Why do I need someone to tell me that? Shouldn't I always play that way? I think we've had a breakthrough, folks.
