My Job, My Kids, My Life

[LILITH FAIR]

Hello

I came across the porno clerks board and got reading some of the others and after I stopped laughing, I realized something: I so need this!

A place that I can come and let loose and not bore the crap out of my hubby or get that look I get from the ppl in my like who don't understand.

As the tittle says in this journal I will talk bout my job. kids and life but not always in that order. Ok, a little background

The Job: I am a Tax Preparer for that really big tax place you know the one, I have worked there for 10 years and I love it. I love helping ppl and getting them back as much money as I can(or paying back as little as possible). When I started at my office I was going back to work for the first time since having my little boy and my boss was completely understanding and made exceptions for me. I have come a long way since then and I have him to thank and it is only cause of him I stay at that office. My coworkers are a combo of fab and sucky, the latter who make my job horrible. I will get into details of everyone later.



The Kids: I have 2 kids, a girl and a boy. They both have Autism(if you don't know what that is, look it up it is too much to go into here) and saying they are a handful is saying the grand canyon is a big hole in the ground. The things that I have to deal with as a parent is times 10 when you throw in autism.


The life: If the rest isn't enough I also have this to consider, I guess the only way to say it is I don't live my life the way most ppl think I should and I never have. I was the kid who in high school was the one that never fit in with anyone. even the nerds thought I was weird. And to this day whenever I let anyone know anything bout myself I get that look that they would love to run in the other direction from me. So for 90% of my day if I am with my mom or at work I am faking who I am. The only person who I can be myself with is my hubby. He is my best friend and I know no one I respect more. I also love him to madness and we have a very passionate life. Sometimes more than he likes it but he has come to know that's how we are.


Ok that's enough typing for today will lay down the info on the ppl in my life tommarrow(did I mention my spelling sucks?) till then.

 

[LILITH FAIR]

The players in my little drama

Ok as promised here is some background on the ppl who will be talked bout in this thing.


The Hubby: I have litterally know him for over half my life since I met him when I was 14. We were introduced by someone who thought it would be funny to put the two biggest introverts they knew together. Little did she know she did us the biggest favor in the world. We have had our ups and downs(most of which were my fault) but in the end, to quote huey lewis we are happy to be stuck with the other.


My Mom: The one thing you have to understand is, for the most part it was me amd my mom against the world. We had no other family and my mom never wanted me see her needing another man(she waited untill I grew up and got married to do that but I digress) so it was always just us. I give my credit on alot of things that she did that made me who I am. Whatever I was into as long as it wasn't a danger to me she went along with it and did whatever she could to help me. When I was a kid and was into Michael Jackson she bought me every thing with the man's name on it. The very next year I was into George Michael, she never missed a beat(although I found out later she never knew his name she would just go into a store if she saw his pic and go give me that guy lol) But as I have gotten older I have come to some major places as far as my mom is concened, but the #1 the you need to remember about her is, she is the biggest hipocrite on the face of the earth. I love her but sometimes I don't like her.


I have said everything you need to know bout the kids so moving on with the ppl I work with:

My Boss: A great man all around has lived a very interesting life and nine times out of ten if I have a question he has the answer. He's a little stuck in his ways but most older ppl are, he is a complete computerphobe and if he still had his way we would still be doing taxes on paper. As far as my job is concered there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. That's why I put up with the ppl I am about to mention. My second year there he had to have bypass surgery and none of the ppl who had been there longer wanted to take charge, so before I knew it I started answering questions and got us threw it untill he came back. He was very glad I did this and made he goto person(much to the dismay of some ppl)



MsBea: She is the second in charge and she has been with the company for a year longer than me. However she is as scared of comps as my boss so that means she comes to me for anything to do with them. That makes her very resentful that she has to come to someone she considers below her on the office totem pole. She is fine most of the time but if she gets something up her butt she is a nightmare. She justs go on and on about it but doesn't want to DO anything bout it. She is obsessive about anyone making a penny more than she does, so she's always on the lookout asking how much do you make, how much is your bonus. The worst thing is she is a minster's wife, so she's always trying to force her religion on you.


Tasha: I like tasha she is our receptionist and she is cool and everything. She is the one I hang out with and she gets pregnant for me(I would love another child but I know it's not in the cards) she doesn't shit from anyone any she does her damnest to get her job done (she worked her last pregnancy untill the day she gave birth) As cool as she is I still can't me myself around her because 90% of the stuff I do she would not get but she does make the day go by faster and after me is the hardest worker in our office.

Rachelle: She is a nice lady but she is married to a complete asshole who treats her like crap but she is in one of those religions where you marry for life so she is putting up with it untill one of them dies. It makes me sick to see her run to the phone and call him when she gets there or he thinks she is upto something same thing goes when she leaves and goes to her SECOND job while he has none!! But as a person she is great we share a love of book and trade back and forth all the time.


MsPam: Pam is one of those ppl who has a great personallity, I mean she can meet and greet anyone and she make you smile and laugh like no tommarrow but she is not the smartest woman in the world. She should not be doing taxes and she wouldn't be except for 2 reasons. 1) She meets so many ppl and gets them to come into our office she generates 1/3 of our biz and 2) My boss go over her work and make sure she did screw up anything. She isn't scared of comps but she should be, she has yet to go a year without breaking a comp.



There are others in my office and I will do a bio on them when needed. But for now that's all you need to what the hell I'm talking bout.

Hope I not boring anyone

 

[LILITH FAIR]

OK so here we go

Now you know the main players in this thing so unless I talk bout someone new, you got the details.


Work mainly right now is me going to classes to keep my position. Which means I have to deal with MsBea and MsPam since everyone else takes their classes in the daytime or in another city. MsBea is alright, she spends most of the classtime confused unless it is a subject she is very familar with. MsPam on the other hand, is always confused,always late, and and always a pain in the ass. She comes in with her books, looking like she never took them out of her car from the last class, a hour late waving like she is a miss america contestant. She sits down and after the class settles back down, she spends the rest of class either A) asking everyone around her for answers and/or help or B) ignoring the teacher and telling MrsBea and anyone else the sorry tales of her lovelife at the moment(she just broke up with a fireman after finding out he has a wife and now is dating a man who was in jail for 15 years for a crime his brother did) Meanwhile the poor teacher is fighting her for the attendtion of the class. I have told her time and time again that this is wrong but I'm told that the teacher is jealous of her and I get the verbal pat on the head.



My home life is pretty simple compared to that. My Hubby is a school teacher and is home for a few more weeks. Sometimes he can be as bad as the kids but I know that comes from the need to keep busy. The only thing going on is my son has a overgrown sweat gland on his chest. And after months of going to the Drs. and taking different drugs and nothing happening, the Drs. were gonna just cut it out. So we go and we are all ready to have this done. But the Drs. need a referal from my son's main dr. So I call to have them fax it over. After an hour that fax over the wrong form! Call back and tell them this, they fax again but this time the form is not filled out right. So this time the dr calls them and tells them what he needs but now he needs it in 10 mins cause after the they have to stop taking ppl. So guess what? they don't fax the form and now we have to rescedule and the earlyest time they have is in 3 weeks!

 

[LILITH FAIR]

Mom strikes again

Ok did I mention that my mom is a computerphobe too? But her reason is she afraid she will get hooked and never leave it once she got started. But that too is a lie, what she afraid will happen is she will not understand how to use it and look bad. My mom's #1 fear in life is she will look bad. It is the motavating factor in her life. She has stayed in a loveless marrage with a complete caveman of an asshole because she is afraid of what ppl think. Also cause she has gotten use to the life he can give her. Nice house, new car every 2 years, trips every holiday. And all she had to do was sell her soul and spread her legs. But I can never tell her this, anytime I tell my mom the cold, hard truth,she gets sick. I'm not talking fake ill, oh no mom comes down with some serious shit. Last time I told her what I really thought the woman when to the ER with 103 temp and the flu!. I use to think maybe it was wishful thinking on her part but you can track every major illness she has had back to someone she cares about telling her something she didn't want to know. But I digress, Since she has no real time experince with comps, she really unbelieveable expectations of what you can do on the net. So after tell her no mom I can't print out a copy of her marrage licence, she gets all upset and after some major talking, she tells me that my stepdad never bother to divorce his 1st wife! I think that finally a sign from god that this thing was never meant to be! I tell I will be there for her and help her anyway I can. But does she want to leave the asshole? oh nooooo she allready getting ready to marry him again and he also has said she have 5 grand to redo the kitchen! See? he knows how to keep my mom in line. Fuck up real bad? just add money, probs go away. It sickens me that the lady thar raised me has turned into this weak money hungry whore. I mean that's what in the dictionary under whore is it not? I mean this woman had men at feet when I was a kid but she kept them at bay, but now? Sometimes I just want to walk away from all her shit but if I did that not only would my kids suffer missing their grandmom, she would suffer cause she has noone else. No other family no friends except the ppl in her church and if she said anything to them it would get right back to him. She may not listen to me, but I can't leave her alone.

 

[LILITH FAIR]

More on my mom and kidsand other things

Ok another thing that bothers me to no end, is the fact that my mom,the ppl I work with and most ppl in general is the fact that they believe that my kids autism is something that will go away as they get older. Or if I pray hard enough. When my little girl was first diagnosed, all I got from the ppl in my life was "That's just something the Dr's came up with cause they don't know themselves". Don't get me wrong, there have been Docs that have nade me and my hubby want to beat them. If I had a dime for every "Rainman" joke, I had one Dr. ask me if they could take my kid to the casino! But it's 10 times worst from someone you know. Now so time has passed and with a lot of hard work on me and my hubby and the school that my little girl goes to, unless you spend a lot of time with her, you can't tell she has a problem.(heck, there are times when it slips my mind) but of course now everyone wants to take credit for this change. "See? didn't I tell you that those Drs. didn't know what the heck they were talking about?" "I told you if you prayed had enough the lord would fix her?" They all put my son to the side cause he autism is a lot worst than my little girl's. We worked just as hard with him as we did our girl, I prayed just as hard for him as I did for her. I still do but I have to admit my faith in a higher power has been shaken. Every day I see women everyday have babies, who do drugs, drink, heck everything under the sun and have healthy babies. ok time to introduce some one else to this, that will explain how I feel bout this.


MsMel: She is the sister of my hubby. She 4 years younger than him. She has 4 kids that are healthy as hell. Her 1st child the Dr said was "born hungry" cause all she ate when she was pregnant was mellon and bannana pudding. Number 2 was 2 months early,the 3rd was 3 months early, the last was 4 MONTHS EARLY!!! She didn't do anything you are supposed to do when you are having a baby, I DID! All her kids have different dads, none of which are in their lives. I am married to my kids father and am in every aspect of my kids life, she couldn't tell me the name of her oldest child's teacher! Oh she thinks that if she gives her kids a birthday party, she's mom of the freaking year! Oh and everyone is always going on and on bout her. " she's so brave raising 4 kids all by herself" If by herself means help from her brother, her mother, her aunts and her so called friends who never last longer than a month. Did I mention she leaves her children with these friends? To go out and party? She stopped asking me to do it after we started asking when she would be back after one time she went out and didn't come back for 3 days!My last straw with her was when we found out her new night job was her working at a adult club and she was leaving the kids at home by themselves. Her defence was her oldest was 14 and that's babysiting age. Now you can see why I might not believe in a just god with that in my face?

 

[LILITH FAIR]

OK I get my list of new classes in the mail today and lo and behold they are new, not just the same old crap they give us every year. I of course now have to play one of my least fave game, calling all the ppl in my office and making sure they got the list and are planing on taking enough classes. Now why do I do this if I hate it so much? Because if I DON"T someone will miss out and if they do then they blame me, after all I'm the office reminder, the person who remember everything. But I only took this on because no one else will, but I digress. Meanwhile the big news that is going around the ppl of my office is that a wedding that was going to happen didn't, but to tell you this I need to intro someone.

MsG: Her good points, she is straight forward, a hard worker(she actually wants to know how to do taxes) she can be funny as heck. Her bad points, She mixes fashion styles 70's+80's= uggglly. She tells stories of her life that always include major drinking(She calls herself a pro drinker, everyone else goes to AA)and last but not least, her mouth, she has lost all but one tooth up front and that one is on the endangered list. It is so unsettling to look her dead on.


Ok so msG was suposed to get married(if that doesn't prove there is someone for everyone I don't know what does) She had been making plans and meeting with wedding plans all tax season so she could do this before the fall. She had everything going, she sent out the invites and everything. Then she calls all of us 3 days before and says that the wedding is off! So after much listening on my part, I got the real deal. Turns out she couldn't do the wedding cause she had bank on getting a payoff from the goverment and it didn't come thru! She didn't have enough money to payoff the wedding so she had to cancel. Ok #1 She should have known better than to count on the goverment for a timely payment! She deals with the IRS all the time and knows that the goverment takes there time with everything! #2 they have been living together for 10 years! it's not like they are these young kids starting a new chapter in their lives. They could have hoped a plane to vegas and been done with it.

So everyone is all abuzz about this and I'm all like what's the big deal? As long as theyare together and happy I think that's all that matters, but of course when I say this I get this look like I have a horn with a flower on it in my head. So yet again I realize why I must keep my mouth shut and remember everything to put hear later.

 

[LILITH FAIR]

Life sucks sometimes

I've said this before and I will say it again but it does. I woke up yesterday with that feeling that you get that I should stay in bed. As I turned over to get deeper under the covers, my hubby calls me "babe, someone has broken into your car!" I get up and go outside, they broke out the back window, pulled out the front panel to get the radio out, took all my cd's , bout 10 in all. They even took a bottle of transmission fluid I had in case of emergency. Now I pride myself on being a stong willed person(with my life I have to be) I am the person who always sees the light at the end of the tunnel. I am the keeper of hope for everyone I know. And I was holding on untill I saw that they had ripped the fabric on the roof and pulled it out. I guess they must have thought I was hiding something inside it. When I saw that I just lost it, I did'nt just start crying, I was howling a child. My hubby must have heard me and came out to get me, I honestly don't remember. I must have gone on for at least an hour, I just couldn't stop. I guess when you hold on to the stuff like I do and you let go, you just let go. After I got myself together and I start making my calls. I called the cops, they didn't even come out, they took all the info over the phone and gave me a number to call and get a copy of the report! I called my insurance company and after I tell them the damage to my car they tell me that my deductable isn't covered, so I have to pay for it myself. And now to top it all off it's raining and normally I love the rain but it just makes things worse.

 

[LILITH FAIR]

My grandmother is ill she is in the hospital. She is 90 years old and everytime she gets ill, my mom thinks that this is the last time she will go to the hospital. I have very fond memories of my grandma, she would come and visit for the month of my mom's birthday, and she would spoil me rotten and my mom would let her since we only saw her once a year. I would take care of her and help her remember when should take her meds. When I got older I would sneak her a beer( even though I checked with her Dr and he said it was ok for her to have just one) and she would sneak me money cause she thoght my mom was to cheap. When she in town she would have dinner waiting for me, and she made the best peach cobbler in the world! Then I grew up and got my life now everytime I see her I just spend most of the time with a big ole fake smile on my face, pretending that everytime she says something to me my heart isn't breaking. I come into the room and the first thing she says to me is "Damn, How much fatter are you gonna get?" I greet her warmly anyway. Then she starts in on my kids "What's wrong with them?" "Why do they act like that?" Then when I say what, "Why do you let those Doctors fill you're head with that nonsense?" Then she will go on bout what they need is:


1) a good beating
2) a good talking to
3) being raised by someone who knows how to raise a child

So after a while and she has had her beer she then starts the questions about my hubby and I and out sex life. How do ya'll do it with ya'll being so fat and all? You have to be on top cause there is no way he could get between your legs and so on you get the pic. So now as my grandma lies in the hospital, I have many feelings in my mind. Part of me is sad that my grandma is sick, while another hopes she goes now so I don't have to see her ever again.

I just said goodbye to my mom, she just left on her way to see my grandma. The Drs. called her this morn and told her that they don't expect her to make it past 2 days. My mom is beside herself with grief, which males me feel even more guilty. She tells me she knows that I wish that I could be with her but I have to be with the kids and school and everything. She has not a clue and if she did it would kill her . My hubby says I'm doing the right thing by hiding my feelings but I get so sick of doing it, Sometimes I just want to say the hell with it and let loose with everything I have. But I know I will never do that, I will keep on lying to almost everyone in my life.

 

[LILITH FAIR]

Have I ever said how much I love coffee? OMG I love coffee! Now I didn't start off that way, it was a thing just to keep me awake during my college years. Then my staying up with my baby years. And I still need the caffene in the morning or I am no good to anyone. And lastly the 2 things I learned when I gave up coffee for 1 month was 1) that I liked the taste, the smell of coffee enough to drink decaf! and 2) caffene does something that makes it harder for you to get preggers, sure enough that was the month I got pregnant with my son and I haven't been since. When I was off the stuff I felt like my head was stuffed with cotton all day, I could keep a thought in my head for more than five min. It was terrible. Plus I missed my morning ritual, I get a cup and I go on the porch and get my paper and read it before it gets to hot to enjoy it outside. The fall is the best time cause it make it where you can feel the coffee warm you up all the way down. My hubby thinks that my need for coffee is all in my mind. It may be but I think there are worse that to be hooked on.


My kids are back in school and my hubby ib back at work! Thank god! don't get me worng I love them but I do need some time away from them both. I am worried about my little girl this is the first time in 6 years she will be in a new school and now she has to go to middle school and I'm afraid it may be to much for her. So far so good.




My birthday is coming up. I wish I was excited about it, but I'm not. I don't know when but sometime ago I just stop feeling happy bout it. I miss how I would wake up and feel happy and the whole day was happy and fun! Now when I wake up I don't even remember it's my day untill my hubby says Happy Birthday babe.