Moviegoer rant/cry for help

[Beast Rabban]

OK, I hate to sound like a dick, but can someone point me to a movie theater in Manhattan where people DO NOT talk/shout/fool around/cause a ruckus/answer a fuckin' phone? Or better, bring their crying babies into a late showing?

The last several movies I've gone to have been nearly RUINED by rude idiots. Is it just me? Who raises these people? It has reached a fever pitch for me - I cannot sit in another movie theater and listen to some ignorant fool answer a cellphone call, get ssshed, then get louder and more disruptive. I'm not passionate about much, but dammit! I want to hear exactly how the Aliens and the Predators are connected! I need to know why Sarah Michelle Gellar needs to open another closet in that weird Japanese house! I want to know why Johnny J.M. Barrie Depp doesn't sleep in the same bed as his lady-wife! I want to hear what Salma Hayek has to say in her blousey pant/sandal/mid-drift-bearing wrap ensemble!

Seriously though, I'm looking for anyone who can let me in on where you go to the movies in Manhattan, where adults can go and watch a movie and not sit in someone's living room with 400 other people. I typically go to the Empire 25 or Loew's on 42nd St., which are bad, and also had a bad experience at the Loew's in the Village (near 13th on 4th, I think? You know the one I'm talkin' about).

OK, I'm feeling a little better, but dammit!

 

[Resnik]

This is why I won't see The Incredibles until December.

Theaters that don't have cockmonkeys in the audience are usually the artsy-fartsy theaters (Angelika, Quad, Film Forum, etc).

The State under the Virgin Uberstore in Times Square is usually empty.

Good luck, Adam.

 

[Car]

The last several movies I've gone to have been nearly RUINED by rude idiots. I

Apparently you have the same taste as idiots. If you're in the market for a new theater the Loews Battery Park is spacious and almost always empty, even on Friday and Saturday nights. And the people that work there seem especially friendly. Afterwards enjoy a walk across the street in the park, reflect at the Irish Famine Memorial Plaza, or wander round the ginormous hotel attached to the movie theater (which as far as i can tell, does not have a pool).

 

[Matt Himes]

T
Theaters that don't have cockmonkeys in the audience are usually the artsy-fartsy theaters (Angelika, Quad, Film Forum, etc).
QUOTE]

Of course, these places will kill you with smug, knowing chuckles

 

[dethtron5000]

Apparently you have the same taste as idiots. If you're in the market for a new theater the Loews Battery Park is spacious and almost always empty, even on Friday and Saturday nights.

Battery park is a great place to watch movies.

The Pavillion in Park Slope is good on weeknights, but avoid it on weekends.

 

[Erin]

NEVER go to the Kaufman Astoria theater. Always awful.

 

[Resnik]

Of course, these places will kill you with smug, knowing chuckles

I'll take mutterings of "Of course... brilliant... oh ho!" over "Oh, shit! I cain buhLEE dat she gwonna go in da closet! MuthaFUCKA! That bitch DUMB!" any day.

 

[MarkOn10th]

Are you talking about me?

It is my god given right to start singing Dave Matthews songs wherever and whenever I feel like it. Especially if things are getting spooky!

 

[Super-Brett!]

I find that the ones around Times Square are much worse than others. I know you said you said had a bad experience downtown, too, but I have a feeling that if you change your general location, your percentage of not being annoyed when going to the movies will increase.

 

[pickle jar]

Why in the world would you go to a movie at the E-Walk or AMC on 42nd Street? I HATE talking in the theater - no one even whispers anymore, and it completely ruins the film for me. I feel your pain.
But those theaters are NOTORIOUSLY bad, same goes for the Loews on 34th Street. You've obviously been OUTSIDE the E-Walk and heard the noise level; what in hell makes you think the INSIDE will be any different? It's just a continuation.
I recommend Loews' Lincoln Square in addition to the artsy ones, or the Village East, but for God's sake, seeing a movie in Times Square is asking to leave pissed off. op:

 

[dethtron5000]

I recommend Loews' Lincoln Square in addition to the artsy ones, or the Village East, but for God's sake, seeing a movie in Times Square is asking to leave pissed off. op:

I've seen second run/cult films/movies that have been out for a while in times square without much of a problem. It's just the opening night crowds that are awful.

And art-houses aren't immune to this. I saw Goldfinger at midnight at the Sunshine this past friday and there were 2 guys that wouldn't shut up through the whole movie. One of them walking out said, "this is the worst movie i've ever seen." Philistines.

 

[Beast Rabban]

this is Adam from your Slow Comedy class!

Why in the world would you go to a movie at the E-Walk or AMC on 42nd Street?

I live in New Jersey, so the only real movie theaters we can get to in a 15 minute bus ride are the 42nd st ones. If I'm strolling through the city on a Saturday/Sunday, then the wife and I can go almost anywhere, but it's so easy to walk the 1/2 block to Port Authority and head back home. I guess I'm frustrated at the idea of movie theaters degrading so much, and the only solution seems to be to go out of the way. Can't we fix the problem? I guess we can't.

Banner gone, only Hulk left.

 

[Brownstone Brat]

Most of the theaters on the upper east side, though a helluva trek, are pretty reliable. They're most often filled with people over the age of 55.

if you're going to go to the AMC, go see a movie that's been out for a while...the theaters on the top two floors of that place are usually empty.

 

[El Jefe]

The theater at the Brooklyn Academy of Music (or BAM) is by far one of the most civilized movie theaters I've been in. If you hear a cell phone there, you'll immediately hear the person apologize profusely and will feel bad for him.

It's right near the Atlantic Avenue station, where most of the Brooklyn trains stop*, so it's actually pretty convenient even if you don't live in Brooklyn. They mostly play arthouse movies, plus a nice mix of classics and foreign films.

I noticed that it's getting worse everywhere...suburban Delaware was pretty bad the last time I tried to watch a movie when I was home.

*and also the Lafayette Avenue station, if you're taking the A or C.

 

[Will Zone]

The funniest and worst movie going experience that I've ever witnessed was an opening night showing of DEEP IMPACT. Now, I know, the movie sucked, but its a summer explosion popcorn flick that my teenage soul couldn't live without.

So I'm with a group of 4 friends and we go to that theater in times square with the one screen...i think its IMAX, but I'm prolly wrong. We first realised it was a mistake as we are pinned like cattle in the lobby waiting for the earlier showing to let out.

Here's the thing, when we enter the theater the floor is covered, and I mean covered with popcorn. You couldn't step without a crunch under your feet. Now, being a "funny guy" I make a stupid joke in the stupid joke voice. (the same sarcastic voice you use when you see a limo outside "Looks like our ride's here, right!?").

The stupid joke: "No need to get popcorn guys, there's plenty right here." My friends chuckle.

We take our seats. At this point the rest of the people in the audience can't get over the fact that there is popcorn on the floor. I hear no less than 20 groups of people make the same popcorn joke I made upon entering....i'm not proud. I hear the joke, then i hear the corresponding group of friends laugh.

The joke is spreading like wildfire.

Halfway through the movie from behind me, I hear the couple behind me say:

"Honey, I'm gonna go get some more popcorn."

"No need too we got plenty right here!"

"oh you. You so funny!"

Halfway through the fucking movie this joke still has legs.

Now, all this is happening along with the constant barrage of awful jokes people are yelling at the screen. My friends and I sit in silence and laugh at all the "comedians" and mentally retarded people in the house.

A shot of Morgan Freeman on the screen and he's got those old man liver spots on his hands and arms.

"Yo, the proesidents got a tattoo!"

The giant wave hits NYC."

at least 10 people scream something along the lines of "Everybody hold your breath, waters coming!"

"That wave is huge man."

Oh hilarious...maybe you had to be there.



-Will

 

[Super-Brett!]

I think my personal favorite moment was back in the old $3 theater on 8th and 49th. Gangs of people would just show up, it seemed, to hang out, and not even know which screening they'd wandered into. The lights dim. The credits roll. The Ice Storm. "Oh damn!" someone yells off to the left. "Another disaster movie!"

 

[Mo Nose]

I think my personal favorite moment was back in the old $3 theater on 8th and 49th. Gangs of people would just show up, it seemed, to hang out, and not even know which screening they'd wandered into. The lights dim. The credits roll. The Ice Storm. "Oh damn!" someone yells off to the left. "Another disaster movie!"

My favorite was Richard III. I loved the talk back to that film. It was fun.*

However, I paid $3. It annoys me if it's over that amount.


*I didn't participate in said talk back.

 

[Dyna Moe]

I like that whenever Gethard sees a movie, someone wants to fight him.

Regardless of which Coast he's on.

 

[kevhines]

You see this is odd. Some people are claiming certain theaters are always bad (Kips Bay and Astoria Kaufman) and those are the two theaters I go to the most often. Rarely ever having bad audiences.
I have only had one bad experience at Kips Bay and it was pretty mild compared to what I have had happen at both theaters on 42nd street (where I have stopped going due to multiple bad experiences). Union Square is a crapshoot - and often depends on the movie.
And Astoria Kaufman has been pretty good to me (though to be fair, most times I go there I am going in the afternoon for matinee prices).

 

[Bunicula]

Kips Bay is my favorite movie theater. Rarely a problem.

I hated going to the movies in Queens b/c there were ALWAYS yahoos. I remember seeing Spiderman there and when it was the upside down make-out in the rain scene one wag said, "Ooh! My spidey sense is going off! I've got a web boner."

But my favorite Statler & Waldorf peanut gallery comment was at the final Matrix movie at 42nd St, when Neo loses his eyes and he's crying and someone yelled, "How you gonna cry when you ain't got no eyes, BITCH?!?"

Brilliant.