Memoirs of a College Sophomore
- Thread starter stringbassguru
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Fun with Quija Boards
So, K. and I went to a lame ass frat party last night. It definitely wasn't a REAL frat party (we don't have real frats here ... they all suck). It was in a campus building, so no alcohol for the underage. K. and I each downed three beers before going. And boy did we ever need them. I just can't endure shit parties like that without being inebriated. They had a "raffle" for some guys and some girls. That's why we were there. We were helping out KN because he up for auction. Neither one of us won a "date" with him. It was WAY fucked up. Almost everyone up on the stage won TWO people. It was like fucking inbreeding or something. The same people kept winning. I think something was rigged! We left in the middle to go down some more beer (two in ten minutes ..... the previous three were wearing off), and then came back for the raffle. I was kinda feeling sick after that (good thing the "party" only lasted for another 15 minutes).
We went back to K's and hung out with some of the guys from the party (friends of ours, and residents in K's building).
After the guys left, we busted out our trusty Ouija board that we picked up last year (always good for some creepy, fucked up fun!). We had actually decided to do the Ouija board before the guys showed up. Somehow, the Ouija board is not as creepy when you're fucked up. When you're sober, it's a lot easier to be totally shaken up ... cuz you're talking to fucking spirits, yo! For those of you who don't believe in that kind of thing, what the fuck is wrong with you? Have you ever TRIED a Ouija board? They're fucking REAL. But you might actual have to believe in them I guess. Everytime I've used one it has worked.
Now, let me elaborate about my previous Ouija board experience. I used to have a narrative typed up (from way back then) because I was going to post it on my website, but alas, I never even posted it. I announced it, and then my sister sent me on a guilt trip about using something that is evil (and believe me, it IS evil). "You know better, " she said. Yes, perhaps. But it's still good fun when you're messed up.
Actually, the first time I used it I wasn't fucked up (that was before I started drinking and smoking weed). I guess it was November 2001. There were people coming in and out of our room all night (I'm sure we had close to 15 different people visit us that night). The word that we were using the board spread like wild fire through the halls of the freshmen dorms. It was kind of funny. I think that was the most people we had had in our room up to that point (no one ever hung out in our room).
For those of you non-believers, the board said several things that CAME TRUE over the course of last year. I don't remember everything, but the board DID predict my "relationship" (I use quotes for obvious reasons) with D. Yes, that's right. It went a little something like this:
We asked it who my first boyfriend would be (actually, we probably asked it to spell it out, cuz that's what it did). We started guessing D-names as it was spelling it out. I said D's name, and the pointer raced to 'YES'. I'm like, "uhhhhh ... I don't know any D*****s. Oh wait, there's one in my keyboard class (who was a "friend"- and when I say friend, I mean weed dealer- of my friend CMF ... who was also in the class). He's a big stoner, though." And then K. asks it, "Is he a stoner?" And the board went to 'YES'. Keep in mind that at the time, I was vehemently against smoking weed, and didn't hang out with my friends when they did it. We DIDN'T ask if it was the D***** in my class. Then we asked, "How long?" and it said '7'. "Seven months?" 'YES'. Seven months later, guess what happened. D. and I got together. Something to also consider is the fact that D. had had a crush on me for a LONG TIME when we got together. In fact, he started to crush on me IN NOVEMBER. I had no idea (because I'm clueless about stuff like that). How could I not know? It seems so obvious now. Probably because I was stuck on CMF (he never returned the sentiments). The funny thing is that CMF was really the only one who knew about D's crush on me, and the bastard didn't even tell me! (CMF and I used to be pretty good friends) So, yeah .... that was my first Ouija experience ... On to last night ...
To be continued ... :tsk:
So, K. and I went to a lame ass frat party last night. It definitely wasn't a REAL frat party (we don't have real frats here ... they all suck). It was in a campus building, so no alcohol for the underage. K. and I each downed three beers before going. And boy did we ever need them. I just can't endure shit parties like that without being inebriated. They had a "raffle" for some guys and some girls. That's why we were there. We were helping out KN because he up for auction. Neither one of us won a "date" with him. It was WAY fucked up. Almost everyone up on the stage won TWO people. It was like fucking inbreeding or something. The same people kept winning. I think something was rigged! We left in the middle to go down some more beer (two in ten minutes ..... the previous three were wearing off), and then came back for the raffle. I was kinda feeling sick after that (good thing the "party" only lasted for another 15 minutes).
We went back to K's and hung out with some of the guys from the party (friends of ours, and residents in K's building).
After the guys left, we busted out our trusty Ouija board that we picked up last year (always good for some creepy, fucked up fun!). We had actually decided to do the Ouija board before the guys showed up. Somehow, the Ouija board is not as creepy when you're fucked up. When you're sober, it's a lot easier to be totally shaken up ... cuz you're talking to fucking spirits, yo! For those of you who don't believe in that kind of thing, what the fuck is wrong with you? Have you ever TRIED a Ouija board? They're fucking REAL. But you might actual have to believe in them I guess. Everytime I've used one it has worked.
Now, let me elaborate about my previous Ouija board experience. I used to have a narrative typed up (from way back then) because I was going to post it on my website, but alas, I never even posted it. I announced it, and then my sister sent me on a guilt trip about using something that is evil (and believe me, it IS evil). "You know better, " she said. Yes, perhaps. But it's still good fun when you're messed up.
Actually, the first time I used it I wasn't fucked up (that was before I started drinking and smoking weed). I guess it was November 2001. There were people coming in and out of our room all night (I'm sure we had close to 15 different people visit us that night). The word that we were using the board spread like wild fire through the halls of the freshmen dorms. It was kind of funny. I think that was the most people we had had in our room up to that point (no one ever hung out in our room).
For those of you non-believers, the board said several things that CAME TRUE over the course of last year. I don't remember everything, but the board DID predict my "relationship" (I use quotes for obvious reasons) with D. Yes, that's right. It went a little something like this:
We asked it who my first boyfriend would be (actually, we probably asked it to spell it out, cuz that's what it did). We started guessing D-names as it was spelling it out. I said D's name, and the pointer raced to 'YES'. I'm like, "uhhhhh ... I don't know any D*****s. Oh wait, there's one in my keyboard class (who was a "friend"- and when I say friend, I mean weed dealer- of my friend CMF ... who was also in the class). He's a big stoner, though." And then K. asks it, "Is he a stoner?" And the board went to 'YES'. Keep in mind that at the time, I was vehemently against smoking weed, and didn't hang out with my friends when they did it. We DIDN'T ask if it was the D***** in my class. Then we asked, "How long?" and it said '7'. "Seven months?" 'YES'. Seven months later, guess what happened. D. and I got together. Something to also consider is the fact that D. had had a crush on me for a LONG TIME when we got together. In fact, he started to crush on me IN NOVEMBER. I had no idea (because I'm clueless about stuff like that). How could I not know? It seems so obvious now. Probably because I was stuck on CMF (he never returned the sentiments). The funny thing is that CMF was really the only one who knew about D's crush on me, and the bastard didn't even tell me! (CMF and I used to be pretty good friends) So, yeah .... that was my first Ouija experience ... On to last night ...
To be continued ... :tsk:
Fun with Quija Boards (continued)
...
Ok, so last night it was just me and K. doing the board. We lit a couple of candles and whatnot. We learned quite a few things. We asked it if it had any messages for us. It took it a while to get going, then it spells out a name. (This message was for K.) It was the dreaded one-night-stand name (except that she knows this guy). We didn't even prompt for the name (and it even spelled out the last name).
This is what we learned about K. and, well, let's just call him RW. They are going to start a relationship soon. RW is going to break up with his current girlfriend to be with K. Their relationship will involve love and marriage (bah! scary!). RW invited K. to a party of his this past week, and she didn't go (on my advice). This was a missed chance, however, she will get another opportunity ... what she has an opportunity for, I don't know.
We also found out some other interesting "stuff." K. asked the board when the next time she was going to have sex was. It pointed to '2'. February? Yep. And then without us even asking who it was, it spelled out "Spicer." (Yes, that's his real name) We just looked at each other in shock. Spicer is a friend of K. They are going on a kayaking trip to Washington in .... you guessed it, February. She's like "No! That had to be a warning or something. Now that I know, I can avoid it." Then she's like, "Wait, will I break Spicer's heart?" The board says 'YES'. "Ok, I'll sleep with him then." LOL *shakes head at K.* The board also spelled out "sick" to K (which is what it did the last time she did the board ... with her mom and her sister). It wouldn't tell us what "sick" meant, although, K. has had a cough/hacking sickness for a while. A LONG while. The board just said that if K. was happy, her sickness would go away. And RW will make K. happy.
So what did I find out about me? A lot of stuff I guess. Supposedly, in three weeks (which also coincides with my 20th birthday) I'm going to meet a guy named Nick M. We will date for three months. I will not have sex with him. I will however, lose my virginity sometime this year (when I'm 20), with a guy named ... I'm not making this up people ... Dwayne. Yes, that's right, Dwayne. Now, I don't know any "Dwayne"s (nor do I know any "Nick M."s), but I'll be damned if I have to have sex with a hick (Dwayne is SOOO a hick name). He'd have to be hot as fuck for me to have anything to do with guy named Dwayne. The board also told me that KN were not compatible because I am "not experienced." Well, fuck. How are you supposed to get experience if no one wants to have a relationship with you? It's fucked up. But it said I would gain the experience. Whether or not that would get KN to date me again, it didn't say. It told me that I need to trust myself more and that is what will make me happy. And also, that I will make the right decisions for myself. But DWAYNE!?! WTF.
So, that was our fun with Ouija boards. Try it sometime. It's way freaky! :up:
...
Ok, so last night it was just me and K. doing the board. We lit a couple of candles and whatnot. We learned quite a few things. We asked it if it had any messages for us. It took it a while to get going, then it spells out a name. (This message was for K.) It was the dreaded one-night-stand name (except that she knows this guy). We didn't even prompt for the name (and it even spelled out the last name).
This is what we learned about K. and, well, let's just call him RW. They are going to start a relationship soon. RW is going to break up with his current girlfriend to be with K. Their relationship will involve love and marriage (bah! scary!). RW invited K. to a party of his this past week, and she didn't go (on my advice). This was a missed chance, however, she will get another opportunity ... what she has an opportunity for, I don't know.
We also found out some other interesting "stuff." K. asked the board when the next time she was going to have sex was. It pointed to '2'. February? Yep. And then without us even asking who it was, it spelled out "Spicer." (Yes, that's his real name) We just looked at each other in shock. Spicer is a friend of K. They are going on a kayaking trip to Washington in .... you guessed it, February. She's like "No! That had to be a warning or something. Now that I know, I can avoid it." Then she's like, "Wait, will I break Spicer's heart?" The board says 'YES'. "Ok, I'll sleep with him then." LOL *shakes head at K.* The board also spelled out "sick" to K (which is what it did the last time she did the board ... with her mom and her sister). It wouldn't tell us what "sick" meant, although, K. has had a cough/hacking sickness for a while. A LONG while. The board just said that if K. was happy, her sickness would go away. And RW will make K. happy.
So what did I find out about me? A lot of stuff I guess. Supposedly, in three weeks (which also coincides with my 20th birthday) I'm going to meet a guy named Nick M. We will date for three months. I will not have sex with him. I will however, lose my virginity sometime this year (when I'm 20), with a guy named ... I'm not making this up people ... Dwayne. Yes, that's right, Dwayne. Now, I don't know any "Dwayne"s (nor do I know any "Nick M."s), but I'll be damned if I have to have sex with a hick (Dwayne is SOOO a hick name). He'd have to be hot as fuck for me to have anything to do with guy named Dwayne. The board also told me that KN were not compatible because I am "not experienced." Well, fuck. How are you supposed to get experience if no one wants to have a relationship with you? It's fucked up. But it said I would gain the experience. Whether or not that would get KN to date me again, it didn't say. It told me that I need to trust myself more and that is what will make me happy. And also, that I will make the right decisions for myself. But DWAYNE!?! WTF.
So, that was our fun with Ouija boards. Try it sometime. It's way freaky! :up:
I am boring as fuck.
I cannot even believe how boring I must seem to other people. I watched Signs with KN last night. He tried really hard to engage me in conversation (political conversation at that ... definitely not my forte), and all I could do was smile and nod and agree with him in short interesting sentences. I felt really bad when I got home (at 2 AM). He even made me a barbeque chicken sandwich, and I bored him to death. In retrospect, I shouldn't have eaten the sandwich. Don't get me wrong, it was really good. But my body was not meant to ingest bread at 1:30 AM. My stomach is still hurting (and I haven't eaten anything else since then).
Although, my stomach hurting probably doesn't have anything to do with that sandwich. Nor does my inability to get a good nights rest, or my propensity to pace around my apartment all day. Or how about the fact that I'm totally unmotivated to do ANYTHING, except sit around my apartment all day doing nothing but laying on my bed feeling depressed and sorry for myself. I can't eat because I feel full all the time (what with the knots in my stomach). I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Nothing seems to matter to me anymore. I try and stay away from other people (I don't want to burden them with my growing apprehension about life), but the more time I spend alone, the less I get done .. and the worse I feel. My life is falling apart before my eyes. And now I've discovered that I'm boring as fuck to other people that have to talk to me in person.
Life sucks.
I cannot even believe how boring I must seem to other people. I watched Signs with KN last night. He tried really hard to engage me in conversation (political conversation at that ... definitely not my forte), and all I could do was smile and nod and agree with him in short interesting sentences. I felt really bad when I got home (at 2 AM). He even made me a barbeque chicken sandwich, and I bored him to death. In retrospect, I shouldn't have eaten the sandwich. Don't get me wrong, it was really good. But my body was not meant to ingest bread at 1:30 AM. My stomach is still hurting (and I haven't eaten anything else since then).
Although, my stomach hurting probably doesn't have anything to do with that sandwich. Nor does my inability to get a good nights rest, or my propensity to pace around my apartment all day. Or how about the fact that I'm totally unmotivated to do ANYTHING, except sit around my apartment all day doing nothing but laying on my bed feeling depressed and sorry for myself. I can't eat because I feel full all the time (what with the knots in my stomach). I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Nothing seems to matter to me anymore. I try and stay away from other people (I don't want to burden them with my growing apprehension about life), but the more time I spend alone, the less I get done .. and the worse I feel. My life is falling apart before my eyes. And now I've discovered that I'm boring as fuck to other people that have to talk to me in person.
Life sucks.
Fire me up cuz I'm ready to go.
For the love of all that is good and holy in this world, someone please give me some action.
Ok, so I've been horny as fuck for the past week or so. I'm thinkin' that 20 years of repressed sexual energy is starting to surface. I swear, if a hot guy came within ten feet of me right now, I think I'd have to jump his bones. I can't stop thinking about sex. Every second of every day. I feel like a fucking male! Ya know, if I just had a night of mindless fooling around, I think I would be fine. This is seriously driving me crazy.
Ok, that's enough for now. I think I need to focus my mind on something else .... IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY!
For the love of all that is good and holy in this world, someone please give me some action.
Ok, so I've been horny as fuck for the past week or so. I'm thinkin' that 20 years of repressed sexual energy is starting to surface. I swear, if a hot guy came within ten feet of me right now, I think I'd have to jump his bones. I can't stop thinking about sex. Every second of every day. I feel like a fucking male! Ya know, if I just had a night of mindless fooling around, I think I would be fine. This is seriously driving me crazy.
Ok, that's enough for now. I think I need to focus my mind on something else .... IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY!
Bits and Pieces
Yeah, so I haven't written in a while. Been kind of busy, mixed with apathy, mixed with sleep deprivation. That kind of state really doesn't breed coherent thoughts, at least not for me. (But who ever said that my thoughts were coherent anyway?) So, everything and nothing has been going on. I'm sure you know what I mean.
My 20th birthday was this past weekend. My friends and I had a big drunken party at my place. There had to be over twenty people in my small studio apartment. And it's hotter than Hades even when no one is in there, so you can imagine how miserable the temperature was. There was SO MUCH booze. I had about 7 or so shots of Redrum in Pepsi (not in ONE drink ... I know that's what you were thinking). What kind of pissed me off was that my friends started drinking without me (at like 6) and it was MY birthday! But I think they were baking my cake while they were drinking (and of course, I didn't know they were making me a cake), so that's probably why they started without me (they baked the cake at a different apartment, btw).
Let me just say that drunk/stoned people should not be allowed to bake/cook/dye hair. The hair dyeing has nothing to do with the party, I've just learned that from experience (hehehehe). But anyways, my cake was a little crispy (and I have yet to even attempt to eat it). Good thing I bought myself a yummy lemon meringue pie.
So anyway, one of my (Hawaiian) friends had brought some of her (Hawaiian) friends ... So there was much merry Hawaiian music making. They sang me a couple of songs (cuz I was the birthday girl). Yay for Hawaiians! On a further note, we were walking to sushi on Saturday and it was the three of us white girls (K, KC, and me) and walking behind us was about 7 Hawaiians. KC (she was stoned) was like, "You know, when people look at us, all they see is three white girls and a bunch of Hawaiians. And I don't even realize that there's a difference between us." And she is SO right. KC is one of those people that has weed induced epiphanies (or on the flip side, totally random thoughts that have absolutely nothing to do with anything in the conversation). But anyways, I don't really see myself as any different than my Hawaiian friends. I guess I just don't notice it (and I don't think I ever did). My friends are my friends. They are my group. It doesn't really matter what their ethnicity is, we're just all part of our little clan.
Back to the party ... at about midnight, we decided to take the party down to the waterfront (in Portland, the waterfront is on the west side of the Willamette River ... my friends like to go there and smoke weed ... actually, a lot of people do). Now, this is where I learned my life lesson of the weekend. Life Lesson: Do not run while enebriated. And I will leave it at that.
I'm gonna back-track a little here, to last Wednesday. I hate Wednesday. I really do. I dread it to the depths of my soul. It doesn't matter how well my Wednesday morning goes, by 2 PM all I want to do is go back to my apartment and cry. And that's exactly what I do. I have my private bass lessons on Wednesday. If I haven't said so already, I'm changing my major to architecture. Why? Because the thing that I once loved with all my heart has turned into something that I hate utterly. Everytime I pick up my instrument to practice, a part of me dies. I'm ashamed of my playing ability and I'm ashamed of the disappointment that I cause in my teacher's eyes. It's quite depressing.
And speaking of depressing, the dreaded Valentine's Day is on Friday (like y'all didn't know that already). I hate that Holiday. I've spent it alone for 19 years. Hell, I've been BY MYSELF for 20 years, what's another stupid holiday alone? I hate this time of year. Just another reminder that another year has passed in life and I still haven't had a significant romantic relationship. In fact, I've never even HAD a "relationship." How PATHETIC am I? So either I'll be spending Friday by myself crying, or I'll spend it with my girlfriends (the ones that don't have boyfriends that is ... hmmmm .... not surprisingly, it's the three of us white girls!)
Yeah, so I think I said something about that guy that K. was seeing a while back being a little TOO interested in me (this was like a month ago I think). I think I referred to him as A. when I first talked about him at the end of last year. But anyways, I ran into him last week, and he was like, "Once midterms or over, we should hang out sometime. Watch a movie or something." And I'm just like, uuuhhhh, ok. Yeah, I agreed to it, but I swear if he hits on me, there's gonna be some ass-kicking. I asked K. about it, and she's like, oh I'm sure he just wants to be friends. And I'm just like, well I think you're wrong, but i hope you're right. The last thing I need is another guy in the "friend zone" wanting more than to be in the "friend zone." I could never date this guy. He's too nice, and I'm not physically attracted to him, so he's out of luck. I really hate to be the bitch, but they really don't give me any other option.
Ok, yeah ... so my friend Morgan is like in love with me or something. That would be who I was referring to in the last paragraph about a guy that doesn't wanna stay in the friend zone. He pretty much asked me out on a date, and I said no, that would be too weird. I think that really bugged him. He keeps asking me why I won't go out on a date with him. What am I supposed to say to that? He's a good friend that I'm just not attracted to. Quite frankly, he's just too weird. I need a guy that's more normal. His quirks would drive me insane. And then there's the fact that he's only like two inches taller than me (so he might as well be the same height). I'm attracted to guys who are around 6'. I can't help it. And Morgan is kind of scrawny. I like guys who have guy muscles and are bigger than me (damn these socially constructed ideals of beauty). Morgan and I pretty much weigh the same. I just CAN'T be with a guy like that. I just can't win these days. The guys I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me, and the guys that ARE attracted to me, I'm not attracted to them. Love's a bitch like that. I'm one of those people that believes that you can't control who you're attracted to. You don't control who you fall in love with, you can't control crushes. None of it is in your control. :love:
To Be Continued ....
Yeah, so I haven't written in a while. Been kind of busy, mixed with apathy, mixed with sleep deprivation. That kind of state really doesn't breed coherent thoughts, at least not for me. (But who ever said that my thoughts were coherent anyway?) So, everything and nothing has been going on. I'm sure you know what I mean.
My 20th birthday was this past weekend. My friends and I had a big drunken party at my place. There had to be over twenty people in my small studio apartment. And it's hotter than Hades even when no one is in there, so you can imagine how miserable the temperature was. There was SO MUCH booze. I had about 7 or so shots of Redrum in Pepsi (not in ONE drink ... I know that's what you were thinking). What kind of pissed me off was that my friends started drinking without me (at like 6) and it was MY birthday! But I think they were baking my cake while they were drinking (and of course, I didn't know they were making me a cake), so that's probably why they started without me (they baked the cake at a different apartment, btw).
Let me just say that drunk/stoned people should not be allowed to bake/cook/dye hair. The hair dyeing has nothing to do with the party, I've just learned that from experience (hehehehe). But anyways, my cake was a little crispy (and I have yet to even attempt to eat it). Good thing I bought myself a yummy lemon meringue pie.
So anyway, one of my (Hawaiian) friends had brought some of her (Hawaiian) friends ... So there was much merry Hawaiian music making. They sang me a couple of songs (cuz I was the birthday girl). Yay for Hawaiians! On a further note, we were walking to sushi on Saturday and it was the three of us white girls (K, KC, and me) and walking behind us was about 7 Hawaiians. KC (she was stoned) was like, "You know, when people look at us, all they see is three white girls and a bunch of Hawaiians. And I don't even realize that there's a difference between us." And she is SO right. KC is one of those people that has weed induced epiphanies (or on the flip side, totally random thoughts that have absolutely nothing to do with anything in the conversation). But anyways, I don't really see myself as any different than my Hawaiian friends. I guess I just don't notice it (and I don't think I ever did). My friends are my friends. They are my group. It doesn't really matter what their ethnicity is, we're just all part of our little clan.
Back to the party ... at about midnight, we decided to take the party down to the waterfront (in Portland, the waterfront is on the west side of the Willamette River ... my friends like to go there and smoke weed ... actually, a lot of people do). Now, this is where I learned my life lesson of the weekend. Life Lesson: Do not run while enebriated. And I will leave it at that.
I'm gonna back-track a little here, to last Wednesday. I hate Wednesday. I really do. I dread it to the depths of my soul. It doesn't matter how well my Wednesday morning goes, by 2 PM all I want to do is go back to my apartment and cry. And that's exactly what I do. I have my private bass lessons on Wednesday. If I haven't said so already, I'm changing my major to architecture. Why? Because the thing that I once loved with all my heart has turned into something that I hate utterly. Everytime I pick up my instrument to practice, a part of me dies. I'm ashamed of my playing ability and I'm ashamed of the disappointment that I cause in my teacher's eyes. It's quite depressing.
And speaking of depressing, the dreaded Valentine's Day is on Friday (like y'all didn't know that already). I hate that Holiday. I've spent it alone for 19 years. Hell, I've been BY MYSELF for 20 years, what's another stupid holiday alone? I hate this time of year. Just another reminder that another year has passed in life and I still haven't had a significant romantic relationship. In fact, I've never even HAD a "relationship." How PATHETIC am I? So either I'll be spending Friday by myself crying, or I'll spend it with my girlfriends (the ones that don't have boyfriends that is ... hmmmm .... not surprisingly, it's the three of us white girls!)
Yeah, so I think I said something about that guy that K. was seeing a while back being a little TOO interested in me (this was like a month ago I think). I think I referred to him as A. when I first talked about him at the end of last year. But anyways, I ran into him last week, and he was like, "Once midterms or over, we should hang out sometime. Watch a movie or something." And I'm just like, uuuhhhh, ok. Yeah, I agreed to it, but I swear if he hits on me, there's gonna be some ass-kicking. I asked K. about it, and she's like, oh I'm sure he just wants to be friends. And I'm just like, well I think you're wrong, but i hope you're right. The last thing I need is another guy in the "friend zone" wanting more than to be in the "friend zone." I could never date this guy. He's too nice, and I'm not physically attracted to him, so he's out of luck. I really hate to be the bitch, but they really don't give me any other option.
Ok, yeah ... so my friend Morgan is like in love with me or something. That would be who I was referring to in the last paragraph about a guy that doesn't wanna stay in the friend zone. He pretty much asked me out on a date, and I said no, that would be too weird. I think that really bugged him. He keeps asking me why I won't go out on a date with him. What am I supposed to say to that? He's a good friend that I'm just not attracted to. Quite frankly, he's just too weird. I need a guy that's more normal. His quirks would drive me insane. And then there's the fact that he's only like two inches taller than me (so he might as well be the same height). I'm attracted to guys who are around 6'. I can't help it. And Morgan is kind of scrawny. I like guys who have guy muscles and are bigger than me (damn these socially constructed ideals of beauty). Morgan and I pretty much weigh the same. I just CAN'T be with a guy like that. I just can't win these days. The guys I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me, and the guys that ARE attracted to me, I'm not attracted to them. Love's a bitch like that. I'm one of those people that believes that you can't control who you're attracted to. You don't control who you fall in love with, you can't control crushes. None of it is in your control. :love:
To Be Continued ....
Gimme a fucking break ....
Gimme a fucking break ... I signed up for another personals site just for kicks. This was yesterday. I've gotten like 20 responses already. And I know exactly why. It's my picture. My Halloween devil picture. Get ready for a highly hypocritical rant ... I wish guys weren't so fucking shallow. Yeah, yeah ... I've admitted to being shallow myself. SORRY, but I don't want the attention of unattractive guys. (Wow, that makes me sound like a horrible person) I want the attention of a hot guy for once. WHY OH WHY CAN'T I GET YUMMY MEN!?! hmmmm .... yeah, so I'm thinking about just taking it down. I just can't deal with getting five messages every hour that I DON'T want to respond to.
In other news, I'm trying to get a job as a resident manager. I don't really know how that's gonna turn out. My application is due on Friday. I just hope I make it past the first interview. I should have a good shot though. We'll see I guess.
So next term is gonna be a killer I think. Class from 10 to 10 on Tuesday and Thursday. I must be insane.
Woah, have I had a lot on my mind lately. It seems that after 10 PM, my brain refuses to work. It feels numb. You have no idea how hard it is to type this.
Fuck, see I can't even think of anything to write about! My apologies. I'm boring today.
Nothing much is going on in my life ... besides school that is. No guys, nothing new really .... hmmmm ....
Oh! Valentines Day! I haven't ranted about Valentine's Day! Well, it sucked pretty much. We (and when I say we, I mean the three of us white girls ..... cuz the Hawaiians both have boyfriends) were gonna go out to Chinese food with some of K's friends. But of course, those plans got all fucked up. We didn't want to wait (cuz we were hungry as fuck, and impatient, and disgruntled .... and dammit! you don't mess with single girls on Valentine's Day!) So we (me, K, and KC) came back to campus to go to a Thai place that's nearby. I ordered the Pad Thai (something I've never had before). K. said it was good ... I didn't think it was good AT ALL. I should have ordered the curry. We talked very loudly about drinking and smoking pot .... it was find of funny. There was a couple of drunk guys in the corner that were hitting on the waitress (they gave her like a 20 DOLLAR TIP). Yeah, they were plastered and horny.
So after dinner KC and our others friends were going to go see Dare Devil. That's a movie I REFUSE to pay good money to go see. Ben Affleck as an action hero? I don't THINK SO. Anyways, they were supposed to call us (me and K.) after the movie got out. But they didn't. We had planned to drink, but since our friends didn't call us, we had no way to get alcohol. It sucked. Dammit! I have the right to get drunk on stupid holidays!
On Saturday, K. and I were determined to get drunk. K. had finally gotten her sister's ID (her sister "lost it" so K. could use it as a fake ID). They look the same, so it totally works. But this is the funny thing ... when we went to buy the alcohol, the guy at the liquor store DIDN'T CARD HER. K. DOES NOT look like she's 21. She bought THREE bottles of alcohol and they didn't even card her. That's fucking insane (but sweet none the less).
So we went and drank with our friends, who were going to The Whalers concert at the Crystal Ballroom. I had about 5 shots in Pepsi over about an hour and a half. I was DRUNK.
Me and K. were going to some kegger that night with A. and E. (HAHAHA ... A&E ... damn, I'm a nerd) E. was driving. The kegger was pretty lame. It was being hosted by the Polynesian Club, and they were charging six bucks for a cup. We had alcohol at K's place, so we're like fuck this ... let's go back and drink some more! So we left and went back to campus to drink and watch Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I had about 5 more shots. I was REALLY drunk.
During that time, we prank called GI-JOE (hahahaha .... if you only knew). He was on duty that night, so we pranked him so he'd have to get off his lazy ass. We are such bitches. *shrugs*
I was way too drunk to walk home, so I just crashed at K's place. I had a pretty bad hangover on Sunday (not the worst I've had though).
And that was my weekend (yes, I know ..... sooooo exciting .... *roles eyes*)
That's all for now. Must get some sleepy .....:loopy:
Gimme a fucking break ... I signed up for another personals site just for kicks. This was yesterday. I've gotten like 20 responses already. And I know exactly why. It's my picture. My Halloween devil picture. Get ready for a highly hypocritical rant ... I wish guys weren't so fucking shallow. Yeah, yeah ... I've admitted to being shallow myself. SORRY, but I don't want the attention of unattractive guys. (Wow, that makes me sound like a horrible person) I want the attention of a hot guy for once. WHY OH WHY CAN'T I GET YUMMY MEN!?! hmmmm .... yeah, so I'm thinking about just taking it down. I just can't deal with getting five messages every hour that I DON'T want to respond to.
In other news, I'm trying to get a job as a resident manager. I don't really know how that's gonna turn out. My application is due on Friday. I just hope I make it past the first interview. I should have a good shot though. We'll see I guess.
So next term is gonna be a killer I think. Class from 10 to 10 on Tuesday and Thursday. I must be insane.
Woah, have I had a lot on my mind lately. It seems that after 10 PM, my brain refuses to work. It feels numb. You have no idea how hard it is to type this.
Fuck, see I can't even think of anything to write about! My apologies. I'm boring today.
Nothing much is going on in my life ... besides school that is. No guys, nothing new really .... hmmmm ....
Oh! Valentines Day! I haven't ranted about Valentine's Day! Well, it sucked pretty much. We (and when I say we, I mean the three of us white girls ..... cuz the Hawaiians both have boyfriends) were gonna go out to Chinese food with some of K's friends. But of course, those plans got all fucked up. We didn't want to wait (cuz we were hungry as fuck, and impatient, and disgruntled .... and dammit! you don't mess with single girls on Valentine's Day!) So we (me, K, and KC) came back to campus to go to a Thai place that's nearby. I ordered the Pad Thai (something I've never had before). K. said it was good ... I didn't think it was good AT ALL. I should have ordered the curry. We talked very loudly about drinking and smoking pot .... it was find of funny. There was a couple of drunk guys in the corner that were hitting on the waitress (they gave her like a 20 DOLLAR TIP). Yeah, they were plastered and horny.
So after dinner KC and our others friends were going to go see Dare Devil. That's a movie I REFUSE to pay good money to go see. Ben Affleck as an action hero? I don't THINK SO. Anyways, they were supposed to call us (me and K.) after the movie got out. But they didn't. We had planned to drink, but since our friends didn't call us, we had no way to get alcohol. It sucked. Dammit! I have the right to get drunk on stupid holidays!
On Saturday, K. and I were determined to get drunk. K. had finally gotten her sister's ID (her sister "lost it" so K. could use it as a fake ID). They look the same, so it totally works. But this is the funny thing ... when we went to buy the alcohol, the guy at the liquor store DIDN'T CARD HER. K. DOES NOT look like she's 21. She bought THREE bottles of alcohol and they didn't even card her. That's fucking insane (but sweet none the less).
So we went and drank with our friends, who were going to The Whalers concert at the Crystal Ballroom. I had about 5 shots in Pepsi over about an hour and a half. I was DRUNK.
Me and K. were going to some kegger that night with A. and E. (HAHAHA ... A&E ... damn, I'm a nerd) E. was driving. The kegger was pretty lame. It was being hosted by the Polynesian Club, and they were charging six bucks for a cup. We had alcohol at K's place, so we're like fuck this ... let's go back and drink some more! So we left and went back to campus to drink and watch Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I had about 5 more shots. I was REALLY drunk.
During that time, we prank called GI-JOE (hahahaha .... if you only knew). He was on duty that night, so we pranked him so he'd have to get off his lazy ass. We are such bitches. *shrugs*
I was way too drunk to walk home, so I just crashed at K's place. I had a pretty bad hangover on Sunday (not the worst I've had though).
And that was my weekend (yes, I know ..... sooooo exciting .... *roles eyes*)
That's all for now. Must get some sleepy .....:loopy:
yay!
I have a job interview tomorrow for the RM/RA position. I'm really excited about it. I'm also running for Resident's Council, so that should improve my chances for getting the job (the RM position doesn't start until July-ish) ... so yeah, wish me luck!
On another note, I've lost my appetite. Yes, it's that time of the school year. Finals are coming up. The stress is building. Back is hurting, stomach is knotting. Not good.
My friend's birthday is on Friday. We're having the party at my place (cuz my place has the most room). It should be interesting. We're making her a cake and puting "special" candles on it. We're also going to lunch at Todai. Todai is an all-you-can-eat sushi bar downtown. It is SOOOOO good. Plus they give you a free meal on your birthday. So anyways, this weekend should be a fun one.
I'm going to dye my hair tomorrow. Hopefully it will turn out the way that I want it to. I'm tired of these highlights. I want my hair to be dark again. Darker than my original color though. Maybe kind of reddish. We'll see how it turns out. My hair hates me, so it might be a disaster.
Met a new guy through the personals. His name is Nick (sound familiar?) More about him later.
I must go wade through a sea of homework.
I have a job interview tomorrow for the RM/RA position. I'm really excited about it. I'm also running for Resident's Council, so that should improve my chances for getting the job (the RM position doesn't start until July-ish) ... so yeah, wish me luck!
On another note, I've lost my appetite. Yes, it's that time of the school year. Finals are coming up. The stress is building. Back is hurting, stomach is knotting. Not good.
My friend's birthday is on Friday. We're having the party at my place (cuz my place has the most room). It should be interesting. We're making her a cake and puting "special" candles on it. We're also going to lunch at Todai. Todai is an all-you-can-eat sushi bar downtown. It is SOOOOO good. Plus they give you a free meal on your birthday. So anyways, this weekend should be a fun one.
I'm going to dye my hair tomorrow. Hopefully it will turn out the way that I want it to. I'm tired of these highlights. I want my hair to be dark again. Darker than my original color though. Maybe kind of reddish. We'll see how it turns out. My hair hates me, so it might be a disaster.
Met a new guy through the personals. His name is Nick (sound familiar?) More about him later.
I must go wade through a sea of homework.
CSI: Portland
So I was wandering around downtown Portland today, and I saw A BUNCH of people with crew jackets that ready CSI: Portland. I'd seen a sign at my school that proudly stated "CSI is coming to Portland" .... the sign was sponsored by the business school. Now, I thought that this was some kind of student activity that they had somehow made into the initials CSI, as some kind of sorry excuse to cash in on the name. Apparently I was wrong. I don't watch the show, so you can imagine my confusion. It's a little hard for me to understand why they would come to Portland of all places (except that I think the biggest actual CSI outfit is here somewhere). But there they were ... a million people with CSI: Portland emblazoned on there backs. It's kind of cool. I was thinking about being an American and following them so that I could gawk, but I had things to do. Darnit.
So I was wandering around downtown Portland today, and I saw A BUNCH of people with crew jackets that ready CSI: Portland. I'd seen a sign at my school that proudly stated "CSI is coming to Portland" .... the sign was sponsored by the business school. Now, I thought that this was some kind of student activity that they had somehow made into the initials CSI, as some kind of sorry excuse to cash in on the name. Apparently I was wrong. I don't watch the show, so you can imagine my confusion. It's a little hard for me to understand why they would come to Portland of all places (except that I think the biggest actual CSI outfit is here somewhere). But there they were ... a million people with CSI: Portland emblazoned on there backs. It's kind of cool. I was thinking about being an American and following them so that I could gawk, but I had things to do. Darnit.
Hmmmm
This has kind of been a day to day recounting of events lately. My apologies to anyone that I've bored to tears. I haven't really been in the mood to think for deeply, so my mind is just kind of blank when I try to think of things to write about.
I've become a little bit apathetic recently. It always happens at this time in the term. It's all coming to an end, and vacation is coming up (and this time, I'll actual <i>get</i> a vacation ... sitting on my ass at my parents house doesn't count). I just need to get away from the normal. I'm just kind of in an emotional rut. Not in a bad way or anything, just a rut ... I just go around not being concerned with stuff. It has its advantages.
Like how I don't give a fuck about KN and his new love interest. However, since KN <i>is</i> my friend, I'm concerned that he's setting himslef up for disappointment ... no, I <i>know</i> he's setting himself up for disappointment. Why? Because she's Mormon. I'm sure you're saying to yourself, but Tammy, <i>you're</i> Mormon and he had a thing with you ... That may be true, but this chick is a BYU Mormon. She lives in Utah, she goes to school in Utah, and she's only here for her job for a short while. KN has <b>NO</b> chance with her. I don't know this girl, but I know what Utah Mormons are like. I <b>know</b>. I only know about this chick because KN asked my advice about her. I told him my opinion, uncensored. KN, you don't have a chance with her. You think "pure" girls are hot, but a Mormon pure girl is something you can never have. She could never give you (as a man) what you want, because then she wouldn't be pure anymore. You're not pure, and you're not the kind of guy that she wants or needs. You can't take her to the temple to get married. She doesn't care how well y'all "clicked". She's probably laughing on the inside thinking, here's this man of the world(i.e. corrupted) that thinks that he has a chance with me? who's he kidding? You drink alcohol and you swear. You will never be good enough for her unless you convert to Mormonism. And that's something that you will never do. Get over her KN. She will never be anything more than a friend to you. I warned you. Don't ever say I didn't warn you KN. I'm calling it here and now. If you make a move, she WILL reject you. If she <i>is</i> as hot as you say she is, she has a million suitors waiting for her back in Utah. Give up now, because you'll only get yourself hurt. And don't you compare her to me. Just because I was stupid enough to go after you doesn't mean she will. We are two VERY different breeds of Mormon. I don't want to be like her, and she doesn't want to be like me. Justifying it by saying, but tammy, <i>you</i> did it, won't help your cause. You're doomed, any way you slice it.
So it was my friend R's birthday on Friday. We went to Todai for lunch. I didn't eat as much as I normally do. My stomach has been in knots because of stress. And my back has stabbing pains too, come to think of it. My other Hawaiian friend's boyfriend's birthday is next Sunday. Yay! More Todai!
I had a final presentation today. It went really well. I was worried about it because a week ago we had no idea what we were doing our presentation on. Things always seem worse than they actually are, until they pass of course. Then you think to yourself, why was I worried about THAT?! I just want this term to be over. Three more weeks!
I made it to the second round of interviews for the RM position. It is a "group" interview, whatever that means. I really need this job. I might cry if I don't get it. All my money problems would be solved. Right now, I have 40 bucks combined in my savings and checking accounts. I'm supposed to be getting about $200 bucks back from my taxes (how dare they take money from a dependant!) I'll have to use that money to pay for my trip to Canada for Spring Break.
Ah, Canada. I haven't talked about that I don't think. So me and my friends are going to Vancouver, BC for Spring Break. Why are we going to Canada you ask? Because we're all over the legal drinking age up there. One of my friends is still 19 (legal in Canada!), the rest of are 20 and over. We're gonna be wasted the entire time we are there. Hopefully drunk Canadian guys don't have a problem buying drinks for hot American girls :up:
I'm not sure if I mentioned this already, but my sister is supposedly coming to visit me at the end of May (WAY sooner than it seems). One of her roommates (from Tigard, OR) is getting married, and she's coming back to Oregon for the wedding I guess. My sister wants to crash at my place with a "few" of the other girls going to the wedding. Let me just point out that her roommate met her fiancee in DECEMBER, and they were engaged at the end of JANUARY. Disgusting. I'm sorry, but that's just ridiculous. At least my sister is waiting until she's 21 (only cuz he's on a mission). Anyways, I'm not sure if I can handle that much BYU Mormon girl estrogen (yes, it really is that bad) .... and if they start up with that holier-than-thou bullshit, I'm going to sleep at my friend's place. I'm not gonna put up with that.
So I pulled my ads from all the personals sites that I was on. It's all a bunch of bullshit. I couldn't deal with it anymore. The only reason that guys were contacting me is because they liked my picture. And some of them were really creepy. I don't know what made me think that I would find a guy that way anyway. Guys don't like me when they meet me in person, so what's the point? The only thing that I've got going for me is that I'm reasonably attractive. Otherwise, I'm just too quiet for anyone but my friends. And then there's the fact that the ONLY guy that seemed normal and that I would actually get along with has been avaoiding talking to me online. Did I say something wrong? He's the only one I want to talk to and he doesn't want to talk to me. It's all very depressing. Good thing I'm in an emotional rut right now, otherwise, writing this would probably cause mw to burst out in tears.
Morgan stopped talking to me too. He's been giving me shit lately because I wouldn't date him. He'd been really negative and was convicting me of selling out before I had commited any crime against openmindedness (I don't really wanna explain). It seemed to me that he was really looking for a reason to not be my friend anymore. I invited him to go to the symphony wit me and he stood me up. A day later he left me an IM saying that he had forgotten it was Monday and that he was sorry. He may have been sorry, but I think that deep down inside him, he wanted to hurt me for hurting him. And I <b>hate</b> being stood-up. I <b>hate</b> being "forgotten." So I gave him a reason to not be my friend anymore. I told him he wasn't forgiven and that just saying he was sorry wasn't enough. And he hasn't talked to me since. Fine, Morgan. Isolate yourself even more. Go back to California where you can be just as depressed as you are here. Have a nice life.
That's all for now.
Tammy
This has kind of been a day to day recounting of events lately. My apologies to anyone that I've bored to tears. I haven't really been in the mood to think for deeply, so my mind is just kind of blank when I try to think of things to write about.
I've become a little bit apathetic recently. It always happens at this time in the term. It's all coming to an end, and vacation is coming up (and this time, I'll actual <i>get</i> a vacation ... sitting on my ass at my parents house doesn't count). I just need to get away from the normal. I'm just kind of in an emotional rut. Not in a bad way or anything, just a rut ... I just go around not being concerned with stuff. It has its advantages.
Like how I don't give a fuck about KN and his new love interest. However, since KN <i>is</i> my friend, I'm concerned that he's setting himslef up for disappointment ... no, I <i>know</i> he's setting himself up for disappointment. Why? Because she's Mormon. I'm sure you're saying to yourself, but Tammy, <i>you're</i> Mormon and he had a thing with you ... That may be true, but this chick is a BYU Mormon. She lives in Utah, she goes to school in Utah, and she's only here for her job for a short while. KN has <b>NO</b> chance with her. I don't know this girl, but I know what Utah Mormons are like. I <b>know</b>. I only know about this chick because KN asked my advice about her. I told him my opinion, uncensored. KN, you don't have a chance with her. You think "pure" girls are hot, but a Mormon pure girl is something you can never have. She could never give you (as a man) what you want, because then she wouldn't be pure anymore. You're not pure, and you're not the kind of guy that she wants or needs. You can't take her to the temple to get married. She doesn't care how well y'all "clicked". She's probably laughing on the inside thinking, here's this man of the world(i.e. corrupted) that thinks that he has a chance with me? who's he kidding? You drink alcohol and you swear. You will never be good enough for her unless you convert to Mormonism. And that's something that you will never do. Get over her KN. She will never be anything more than a friend to you. I warned you. Don't ever say I didn't warn you KN. I'm calling it here and now. If you make a move, she WILL reject you. If she <i>is</i> as hot as you say she is, she has a million suitors waiting for her back in Utah. Give up now, because you'll only get yourself hurt. And don't you compare her to me. Just because I was stupid enough to go after you doesn't mean she will. We are two VERY different breeds of Mormon. I don't want to be like her, and she doesn't want to be like me. Justifying it by saying, but tammy, <i>you</i> did it, won't help your cause. You're doomed, any way you slice it.
So it was my friend R's birthday on Friday. We went to Todai for lunch. I didn't eat as much as I normally do. My stomach has been in knots because of stress. And my back has stabbing pains too, come to think of it. My other Hawaiian friend's boyfriend's birthday is next Sunday. Yay! More Todai!
I had a final presentation today. It went really well. I was worried about it because a week ago we had no idea what we were doing our presentation on. Things always seem worse than they actually are, until they pass of course. Then you think to yourself, why was I worried about THAT?! I just want this term to be over. Three more weeks!
I made it to the second round of interviews for the RM position. It is a "group" interview, whatever that means. I really need this job. I might cry if I don't get it. All my money problems would be solved. Right now, I have 40 bucks combined in my savings and checking accounts. I'm supposed to be getting about $200 bucks back from my taxes (how dare they take money from a dependant!) I'll have to use that money to pay for my trip to Canada for Spring Break.
Ah, Canada. I haven't talked about that I don't think. So me and my friends are going to Vancouver, BC for Spring Break. Why are we going to Canada you ask? Because we're all over the legal drinking age up there. One of my friends is still 19 (legal in Canada!), the rest of are 20 and over. We're gonna be wasted the entire time we are there. Hopefully drunk Canadian guys don't have a problem buying drinks for hot American girls :up:
I'm not sure if I mentioned this already, but my sister is supposedly coming to visit me at the end of May (WAY sooner than it seems). One of her roommates (from Tigard, OR) is getting married, and she's coming back to Oregon for the wedding I guess. My sister wants to crash at my place with a "few" of the other girls going to the wedding. Let me just point out that her roommate met her fiancee in DECEMBER, and they were engaged at the end of JANUARY. Disgusting. I'm sorry, but that's just ridiculous. At least my sister is waiting until she's 21 (only cuz he's on a mission). Anyways, I'm not sure if I can handle that much BYU Mormon girl estrogen (yes, it really is that bad) .... and if they start up with that holier-than-thou bullshit, I'm going to sleep at my friend's place. I'm not gonna put up with that.
So I pulled my ads from all the personals sites that I was on. It's all a bunch of bullshit. I couldn't deal with it anymore. The only reason that guys were contacting me is because they liked my picture. And some of them were really creepy. I don't know what made me think that I would find a guy that way anyway. Guys don't like me when they meet me in person, so what's the point? The only thing that I've got going for me is that I'm reasonably attractive. Otherwise, I'm just too quiet for anyone but my friends. And then there's the fact that the ONLY guy that seemed normal and that I would actually get along with has been avaoiding talking to me online. Did I say something wrong? He's the only one I want to talk to and he doesn't want to talk to me. It's all very depressing. Good thing I'm in an emotional rut right now, otherwise, writing this would probably cause mw to burst out in tears.
Morgan stopped talking to me too. He's been giving me shit lately because I wouldn't date him. He'd been really negative and was convicting me of selling out before I had commited any crime against openmindedness (I don't really wanna explain). It seemed to me that he was really looking for a reason to not be my friend anymore. I invited him to go to the symphony wit me and he stood me up. A day later he left me an IM saying that he had forgotten it was Monday and that he was sorry. He may have been sorry, but I think that deep down inside him, he wanted to hurt me for hurting him. And I <b>hate</b> being stood-up. I <b>hate</b> being "forgotten." So I gave him a reason to not be my friend anymore. I told him he wasn't forgiven and that just saying he was sorry wasn't enough. And he hasn't talked to me since. Fine, Morgan. Isolate yourself even more. Go back to California where you can be just as depressed as you are here. Have a nice life.
That's all for now.
Tammy
I am SO totally f*****.
I just had my second interview for the RM position. It was a group thing. There were 19 people there. 19. And there was ANOTHER group that went on Tuesday. That means that I'm up against about 40 people. FORTY FUCKING PEOPLE.
I realized while I was there that, barring some kind of a miracle, I'm not going to get the job. There are only 12 openings. Judging by the other people there today, I'm just not good enough. There were so many people that were more outgoing, more experienced, better able to deal with problems, better at speaking and expressing opinions ... they were all just ... better than me.
I know that K. recommending me to her supervisor probably has a lot of weight, but as well liked and respected and well-thought of as she is, it's not enough. I've talked to other people that have gone through the first interview. Their's was like forty-five minutes to an hour long. Mine was half an hour. I don't talk enough. I'm not outgoing enough. I haven't had a lot of experience (because no one will give me a chance). I seem too quiet, too well-mannered. Not opinionated enough. Not "leadership material."
Why do I do this to myself? Attempt to do things that I am just NOT able to do? I want too much for myself. My dreams are unreachable. I know what I want, but I don't have the means, or the ability to get there. Whoever made people think that quiet people don't make good leaders needs to go fuck themselves because it's the only lovin you're gonna get before I track you down and beat you until your bloody carcass is twitching and writhing under my feet as I trample you to death.
Hmmm ... ok, that was a little over-the-top.
Anyways, thanks to the approximately 10 people who view my journal when I post. Though I'm sure that at least half of those people just made a mistake and clicked the wrong link (probably on their way down the list to read about the Swinging Phoenix Couple .... not that there's anything wrong with that). Well, thanks for letting me be your didn't-mean-to-come-here-what-the-hell-is-this journal.
Oh, by the way. I was elected to Resident's Council. Only because I wasn't running against anyone. Even if no one had voted, I still would have won. I like those odds.
Tammy
I just had my second interview for the RM position. It was a group thing. There were 19 people there. 19. And there was ANOTHER group that went on Tuesday. That means that I'm up against about 40 people. FORTY FUCKING PEOPLE.
I realized while I was there that, barring some kind of a miracle, I'm not going to get the job. There are only 12 openings. Judging by the other people there today, I'm just not good enough. There were so many people that were more outgoing, more experienced, better able to deal with problems, better at speaking and expressing opinions ... they were all just ... better than me.
I know that K. recommending me to her supervisor probably has a lot of weight, but as well liked and respected and well-thought of as she is, it's not enough. I've talked to other people that have gone through the first interview. Their's was like forty-five minutes to an hour long. Mine was half an hour. I don't talk enough. I'm not outgoing enough. I haven't had a lot of experience (because no one will give me a chance). I seem too quiet, too well-mannered. Not opinionated enough. Not "leadership material."
Why do I do this to myself? Attempt to do things that I am just NOT able to do? I want too much for myself. My dreams are unreachable. I know what I want, but I don't have the means, or the ability to get there. Whoever made people think that quiet people don't make good leaders needs to go fuck themselves because it's the only lovin you're gonna get before I track you down and beat you until your bloody carcass is twitching and writhing under my feet as I trample you to death.
Hmmm ... ok, that was a little over-the-top.
Anyways, thanks to the approximately 10 people who view my journal when I post. Though I'm sure that at least half of those people just made a mistake and clicked the wrong link (probably on their way down the list to read about the Swinging Phoenix Couple .... not that there's anything wrong with that). Well, thanks for letting me be your didn't-mean-to-come-here-what-the-hell-is-this journal.
Oh, by the way. I was elected to Resident's Council. Only because I wasn't running against anyone. Even if no one had voted, I still would have won. I like those odds.
Tammy
Grief
My uncle had a serious heart attack over the weekend. He had abused his body with drugs and alcohol all his life. He's not expected to make it. I'm worried about my mother. At least when Nancy died, she had Stacy and I there. Not that I'm worried she won't be comforted. She still has 8 siblings left to help her through it. And her father. And my father and grandmother. But my mom is one of those people that likes to hug and kisss her kids when she's in a crisis. She tells us how much she loves us (as if we didn't know already). I think that it makes her feel better because then she knows that we know. But anyways, my mom has had to bury one sister already (my mom is the oldest of 11 kids ..... no, her family is NOT Mormon ... unbelievable isn't it).
My parents were supposed to come up to Portland this weekend to see my symphony concert. I told them they didn't have to come up here. I would never be mad at them for not coming up in lite of the situation. And they probably won't. It's just nice to see your parents every once in a while, ya know? We'll see I guess.
I don't think I got the job. I can feel it in my heart.
I've been really down lately. Probably because it's the end of the term and all. I just feel lonely and sad. And lonely. Do I seem annoying to any of you? I take it very personally when people say things like that to me. You try and engage people in conversation, and they resent you for it. Sorry, I was just trying to get to know you. Bastard.
If there's anyone here that's in choir, you'll appreciate this story: My director conducts his church choir (there are also people from the University choir in his church choir). He was telling his sopranos that they needed to sound less like little girls or Mary Magdalin, and more like women who had experienced the world and wouldn't be welcome at the communal table. And Gabrielle (from U-Choir) says to him, "Never send a soprano to do an alto's job." ...... well, it was funny to me. I guess you have to be in choir to fully understand. LOL
I'm glad it is not raining today. The sun even came out for a little while. Hope it lasts.
Tammy
My uncle had a serious heart attack over the weekend. He had abused his body with drugs and alcohol all his life. He's not expected to make it. I'm worried about my mother. At least when Nancy died, she had Stacy and I there. Not that I'm worried she won't be comforted. She still has 8 siblings left to help her through it. And her father. And my father and grandmother. But my mom is one of those people that likes to hug and kisss her kids when she's in a crisis. She tells us how much she loves us (as if we didn't know already). I think that it makes her feel better because then she knows that we know. But anyways, my mom has had to bury one sister already (my mom is the oldest of 11 kids ..... no, her family is NOT Mormon ... unbelievable isn't it).
My parents were supposed to come up to Portland this weekend to see my symphony concert. I told them they didn't have to come up here. I would never be mad at them for not coming up in lite of the situation. And they probably won't. It's just nice to see your parents every once in a while, ya know? We'll see I guess.
I don't think I got the job. I can feel it in my heart.
I've been really down lately. Probably because it's the end of the term and all. I just feel lonely and sad. And lonely. Do I seem annoying to any of you? I take it very personally when people say things like that to me. You try and engage people in conversation, and they resent you for it. Sorry, I was just trying to get to know you. Bastard.
If there's anyone here that's in choir, you'll appreciate this story: My director conducts his church choir (there are also people from the University choir in his church choir). He was telling his sopranos that they needed to sound less like little girls or Mary Magdalin, and more like women who had experienced the world and wouldn't be welcome at the communal table. And Gabrielle (from U-Choir) says to him, "Never send a soprano to do an alto's job." ...... well, it was funny to me. I guess you have to be in choir to fully understand. LOL
I'm glad it is not raining today. The sun even came out for a little while. Hope it lasts.
Tammy
Dream
I have this reoccurring dream. Now, usually I don't remember my dreams, but I think I've had this one a few times .... so my mind remembered it today. I didn't remember it until I was walking to class (a good two hours after I had woken up). For some reason, I'm topless in my dream. Yes. Topless. (I have a REALLY nice rack by the way) And where am I topless? At church. At my MORMON CHURCH. It's actually the building that I went to church in for 18 years. Now, I'm sure that this is some kind of subconcious message about how I feel at church. No, I'm not <i>really</i> topless at church, but I think maybe I feel naked (figuratively). Whenever I actually go (which is only when I'm at my parents house) I ALWAYS feel like the speakers/teachers are speaking directly to me. I mean, it REALLY seems like they are staring at me and telling me that I need to change my sinner ways. It's creepy. And this dream is disconcerting. I want it to stop.
On another note, I'm really fucking tired of the construction next to my building waking me up at 7 AM EVERY FUCKING MORNING. It pisses me off.
My friend from high school told me he's coming to visit Portland at the end of May (he goes to school in Vegas). I'm really excited. I haven't seen him almost two years. I love him so much! He's been my friend for a long time. We used to play tennis back in high school and I kicked his ass EVERY SINGLE TIME. I miss my Jeremy.
And lastly, I still think minou and burns1 have a little somethin' somethin' going on. Who agrees with me?
Tammy
I have this reoccurring dream. Now, usually I don't remember my dreams, but I think I've had this one a few times .... so my mind remembered it today. I didn't remember it until I was walking to class (a good two hours after I had woken up). For some reason, I'm topless in my dream. Yes. Topless. (I have a REALLY nice rack by the way) And where am I topless? At church. At my MORMON CHURCH. It's actually the building that I went to church in for 18 years. Now, I'm sure that this is some kind of subconcious message about how I feel at church. No, I'm not <i>really</i> topless at church, but I think maybe I feel naked (figuratively). Whenever I actually go (which is only when I'm at my parents house) I ALWAYS feel like the speakers/teachers are speaking directly to me. I mean, it REALLY seems like they are staring at me and telling me that I need to change my sinner ways. It's creepy. And this dream is disconcerting. I want it to stop.
On another note, I'm really fucking tired of the construction next to my building waking me up at 7 AM EVERY FUCKING MORNING. It pisses me off.
My friend from high school told me he's coming to visit Portland at the end of May (he goes to school in Vegas). I'm really excited. I haven't seen him almost two years. I love him so much! He's been my friend for a long time. We used to play tennis back in high school and I kicked his ass EVERY SINGLE TIME. I miss my Jeremy.
And lastly, I still think minou and burns1 have a little somethin' somethin' going on. Who agrees with me?
Tammy
Finals are over! Woohoo!
My last final was Wednesday. It was for Music Theory. We had to write a composition in Sonata-Allegro form. I put it off until the last minute and ended up staying awake until 5 am on Wednesday morning to finish it. I had to get up at 8:30. It sucked. I was pretty tired. But at least I got it done. Of course, I also had to perform my piece in class, and I had never played it before (on my bass). It went alright I guess. I'm just glad that this term is over.
I didn't get the RA job. I'm an "alternate" though. Which means I have to take the stupid class that's for RA training "just in case" they hire me during the year. It sucks because taking that class will put me up to 20 credits this term. That means I have to pay an extra $120 for the 2 credits over 18. And the 20 credits is gonna kill me too. I did that fall term and I was dead tired all the time. Grrrrr
We leave for Canada on Tuesday. Yay!
Ok, last night was kind of weird. My back had been killing me because of the stress from finals (the <b>worst</b> time for my back), so I asked KN to give me a back massage (the one he said he would give me WAY back in December). "The Jackal" was on USA Network, so he's like come over and I'll give you a massage during the movie. I'm like, OK. So he gives me a couple massages over the course of the movie. KN gives good back massages. He uses oil and everything. But anyway, we talk for a while after the movie, then he does a little homework (actually it was more like looking at a page, then taking a short nap, then looking at another page, etc). I was just taking a nap, chillin on the futton (we were both on the futton). Then he turns off the light and lays down next to me. For one thing, he has his own bed in the other room. And for another, I know that he's not interested in me. But we end up cuddling all night anyway (and I let him feel me up too .... *shrugs* whatever .... I'm an attention whore). The whole situation was very weird to me. But this is my take on it: I think we all have times in our lives where we're lonely for human contact (touching, feeling). It's not a romantic thing, it's not an emotional thing. It's a physical need to have contact with another human being. That's why I really don't care that I spent the whole night cuddling with a guy who's not interested in me romantically. He's one of my closest friends, and I don't mind serving in that capacity. Yay for friend lovin'!
Anyways, that's all for now.
My last final was Wednesday. It was for Music Theory. We had to write a composition in Sonata-Allegro form. I put it off until the last minute and ended up staying awake until 5 am on Wednesday morning to finish it. I had to get up at 8:30. It sucked. I was pretty tired. But at least I got it done. Of course, I also had to perform my piece in class, and I had never played it before (on my bass). It went alright I guess. I'm just glad that this term is over.
I didn't get the RA job. I'm an "alternate" though. Which means I have to take the stupid class that's for RA training "just in case" they hire me during the year. It sucks because taking that class will put me up to 20 credits this term. That means I have to pay an extra $120 for the 2 credits over 18. And the 20 credits is gonna kill me too. I did that fall term and I was dead tired all the time. Grrrrr
We leave for Canada on Tuesday. Yay!
Ok, last night was kind of weird. My back had been killing me because of the stress from finals (the <b>worst</b> time for my back), so I asked KN to give me a back massage (the one he said he would give me WAY back in December). "The Jackal" was on USA Network, so he's like come over and I'll give you a massage during the movie. I'm like, OK. So he gives me a couple massages over the course of the movie. KN gives good back massages. He uses oil and everything. But anyway, we talk for a while after the movie, then he does a little homework (actually it was more like looking at a page, then taking a short nap, then looking at another page, etc). I was just taking a nap, chillin on the futton (we were both on the futton). Then he turns off the light and lays down next to me. For one thing, he has his own bed in the other room. And for another, I know that he's not interested in me. But we end up cuddling all night anyway (and I let him feel me up too .... *shrugs* whatever .... I'm an attention whore). The whole situation was very weird to me. But this is my take on it: I think we all have times in our lives where we're lonely for human contact (touching, feeling). It's not a romantic thing, it's not an emotional thing. It's a physical need to have contact with another human being. That's why I really don't care that I spent the whole night cuddling with a guy who's not interested in me romantically. He's one of my closest friends, and I don't mind serving in that capacity. Yay for friend lovin'!
Anyways, that's all for now.
Canada here we come ....
My friends and I are leaving for Canada in two days. Don't ya just love Spring Break? A lot of other students we know are going to Canada too. Probably because the legal drinking age is 19. There will be much roistering and debachery, that's for sure. We booked a hotel right near all the clubs because we know that we're gonna be totally fucked up the whole time we're there (and we needed a place within a short walking distance). I'm not sure how much sightseeing is going to take place, but oh well, that's not we're going there for.
I'm a little afraid of the drive up though. KC is a bad driver. Hopefully K drives for some of the trip. We're not sure how many of us are actually going yet. My friends like to decide in the last minute. S is not sure if she is coming (because she doesn't have money ... but ya never know). Me, K, KC, and R are going for sure though. Yay for roadtrips!
This is actually the first vacation from school I've had where I haven't gone home. This year I figured that going to Canada with my friends would be more fun than going to my parents house and sitting on my ass watching TV all week (hard decision ... LOL)
I'm going to see <i>Dreamcatcher</i> tonight with a guy that I met through the online personals. Not really sure how that's gonna go. I'm still not a big fan of not really knowing what people look like before you go on a date with them. I'm sorry, but I just can't get over my own shallowness. Then I feel bad when I have to tell them I'm not interested. *shrugs* This guy seems kinda funny, so at least I'll be amused if he's not up to my physical standards. (That sure makes me sound like a horrible person.)
On a completely unrelated and random note, my breasts are glorious. Thanks KN, but I already knew that. We had a little talk about the other night. Our opinion is pretty much the same. Since he met Utah Chick he's been kind of on a "bettering " himself kick, which is good. However, one of the things that Mormon's don't do is masterbate. I told him that straight up the first time we had a non-Mormon to Mormon talk about Utah Chick. So for the past two weeks KN has refrained fom pleasuring himself. TWO FUCKING WEEKS. I'm sorry, but no guy should have to endure that. Guys have to have that release, and I hope KN realizes that now. I don't think the poor guy can hold out much longer. But anyways, since he hadn't been wacking off regularly he was really freakin horny that night (he told me this by the way ... and it's not like I couldn't <b>TELL</b> buddy ... I'm not nieve ya know). He also told me that the whole situation could have turned "dangerous." Yeah, but it would have been fun, right? LOL You're a funny guy, KN.
On a sidenote, what is up with men's fascination with breasts? KN says that they "comfort" him. He compared it to a man sitting with his hand down his pants. I laughed out loud when he said that. When I see guys doing that I think, what? do you think your junk's gonna run away? Are you checking to make sure that it's still there? And then he says, well don't you hold your breasts sometimes? Uh, not really man. They don't perform the same function as your twig and berries, and besides, I know they're there just by looking down ... I don't have to go spelunking for them just to verify their existence. Hmmm, I think I know what some of <i>his</i> sexual fantasies entail.
I gave a string bass lesson yesterday to a guy I met through the online personals (yes, another one). It went well I guess. I didn't like the way he was looking at me. Like a puppy dog or something. He was cute I guess, but too short. And he wears the same cologne as KN. Uh, no thanks (I have a feeling that unless I wash my pajamas, the KN smell will be there for a very long time ... not that that's a bad thing ... he smells really good). <i>Chrome</i> will forever be the KN smell to me, and I don't think I could handle dating a guy who wears it. However, my favorite men's cologne <i>Curve</i>, which I think of as the Justin smell (he was a guitar playing friend from high school), is definitely still a turn-on to me. I just want to jump on guys that are wearing it. Yummy.
Smell is a very powerful thing to me. If I like the way a guy smells, I ask him what he's wearing. There's no shame in that. There are very few colognes that smell good to me and don't give me a headache, so when I smell one, I found out what it is. I actually didn't find out what the name of Justin's smell was until I asked one of the customers at the bank where I worked. I got the information I needed, and he was flattered by the attention.
I think I need to release some sexual energy at some point. I can feel it building up again. Maybe I can find some hot Canadian guy to make out with while I'm in Canada (I can overlook the fact that he's Canadian for the time being). Or a non-Canadian. It doesn't matter. I just need to get me some lovin'.
My page views got to be over 1000 recently. It's a miracle! Thanks to all of those who read my journal on a regular basis. You rock!
I choose not to comment on the war with Iraq ... and that's all I have to say about that.
I wonder how close I can get to the 10, 000 character limit. We shall see.
Can you tell that I'm really bored right now? I can't watch TV because there's nothing on my six channels but war coverage and bad syndicated shows. I don't feel like watching a movie because I'm watching one later on tonight. I might resort to playing simple computer games (like pinball!) to pass the time.
I've been thinking a lot about who my close friends are lately. My closest friend is K. I don't consider her my best friend ... I don't really have one of those. I think "best friend" requires a certain mental and emotional connection that I really don't have with anyone. But that's ok. It doesn't mean that I can't have really good friends.
I hate to admit it, but KN is probably my second closest friend. Now, as far as priorities are concerned, it's likely I wouldn't put him before my girlfriends. Chicks before dicks ya know. However, I realized recently that we have a very close no-bullshit relationship. I can tell him things that I can't talk to my girlfriends about. It's a very guy/girl friendship and it's a refreshing change from the dialogue between me and my four girlfriends. He told me that he considers me to be one of his five closest friends, and upon further analysis of myself, I too consider him to be in my top five ... although, it should be noted that I reallt only have five close friends.
Anyways, my next closest friend would probably be R. I know her well enough, but I know that she's more open with K and KC than with me. I rarely know about problems in her relationship with her boyfriend, or other personal stuff. It's always a surprise to me when I find out some things that have gone on for weeks, but no one bothered to tell me.
KC is next on my list. I can't really say I know her as well as I should. We rarely spend time one on one. We've gone shopping together a few times. Our conversations are very shallow and I don't really feel comfortable being alone with her. We're friends because we're both part of a group. If there was one person that I consider to be the most annoying to me in our group, it's KC. I hate trash talking my friends, but sometimes she just gets on my nerves. She's very dependant, but she's also very self-involved. I can't really blame her. Her family is very well-off and she grew up having everything that she wanted, but she was very sheltered and went crazy with alcohol and weed once she came to school here. She's closest with R. They were roommates last year and again this year.
S is probably the friend I'm the least closest to, but only because she rarely hangs out with us anymore. I know her better than I know KC ... I'm comfortable just stoppong by after class for short visit. Her boyfriend came to the mainland to live with her in January. She hasn't been around much since. It's all good though, she has a lot of friends in her building that she hangs out with.
My friends from high school hold a different place in my heart. My friend Anne, who goes to school at PSU (she transferred here after a year at UP) I've known since sixth grade. We played in the same orchestra for seven years. We have history. When I talk to her, we can talk about things that happened years and years ago. I make references to old jokes and she gets them. We sound like a couple of valley girls, and our conversations take me back to high school ... they make me feel younger, more innocent, more nieve. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that, but alas.
The only other person that I really still care about from high school is my friend Jeremy. Everyone thought he was gay in high school, a rumor he vehemently denied. He was so sad and depressed back then (kind of like me, but for different reasons). He was caught between friends who accepted him, and the popular people that he wanted to be accepted by. He always made me feel accepted. We played tennis all the time (I always beat him). He didn't judge me and I loved him for it. He left Grants Pass (small town, Oregon) to go to school at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas. He's since come out as bi. I couldn't be happier for him. I'm glad that he's found himself, as I've found myself. I'm excited that he's coming to Portland in May. I miss him.
Wow. 9713 characters. That's pretty close. This is the longest post I've ever made. LOL TTFN and have a great spring break.
My friends and I are leaving for Canada in two days. Don't ya just love Spring Break? A lot of other students we know are going to Canada too. Probably because the legal drinking age is 19. There will be much roistering and debachery, that's for sure. We booked a hotel right near all the clubs because we know that we're gonna be totally fucked up the whole time we're there (and we needed a place within a short walking distance). I'm not sure how much sightseeing is going to take place, but oh well, that's not we're going there for.
I'm a little afraid of the drive up though. KC is a bad driver. Hopefully K drives for some of the trip. We're not sure how many of us are actually going yet. My friends like to decide in the last minute. S is not sure if she is coming (because she doesn't have money ... but ya never know). Me, K, KC, and R are going for sure though. Yay for roadtrips!
This is actually the first vacation from school I've had where I haven't gone home. This year I figured that going to Canada with my friends would be more fun than going to my parents house and sitting on my ass watching TV all week (hard decision ... LOL)
I'm going to see <i>Dreamcatcher</i> tonight with a guy that I met through the online personals. Not really sure how that's gonna go. I'm still not a big fan of not really knowing what people look like before you go on a date with them. I'm sorry, but I just can't get over my own shallowness. Then I feel bad when I have to tell them I'm not interested. *shrugs* This guy seems kinda funny, so at least I'll be amused if he's not up to my physical standards. (That sure makes me sound like a horrible person.)
On a completely unrelated and random note, my breasts are glorious. Thanks KN, but I already knew that. We had a little talk about the other night. Our opinion is pretty much the same. Since he met Utah Chick he's been kind of on a "bettering " himself kick, which is good. However, one of the things that Mormon's don't do is masterbate. I told him that straight up the first time we had a non-Mormon to Mormon talk about Utah Chick. So for the past two weeks KN has refrained fom pleasuring himself. TWO FUCKING WEEKS. I'm sorry, but no guy should have to endure that. Guys have to have that release, and I hope KN realizes that now. I don't think the poor guy can hold out much longer. But anyways, since he hadn't been wacking off regularly he was really freakin horny that night (he told me this by the way ... and it's not like I couldn't <b>TELL</b> buddy ... I'm not nieve ya know). He also told me that the whole situation could have turned "dangerous." Yeah, but it would have been fun, right? LOL You're a funny guy, KN.
On a sidenote, what is up with men's fascination with breasts? KN says that they "comfort" him. He compared it to a man sitting with his hand down his pants. I laughed out loud when he said that. When I see guys doing that I think, what? do you think your junk's gonna run away? Are you checking to make sure that it's still there? And then he says, well don't you hold your breasts sometimes? Uh, not really man. They don't perform the same function as your twig and berries, and besides, I know they're there just by looking down ... I don't have to go spelunking for them just to verify their existence. Hmmm, I think I know what some of <i>his</i> sexual fantasies entail.
I gave a string bass lesson yesterday to a guy I met through the online personals (yes, another one). It went well I guess. I didn't like the way he was looking at me. Like a puppy dog or something. He was cute I guess, but too short. And he wears the same cologne as KN. Uh, no thanks (I have a feeling that unless I wash my pajamas, the KN smell will be there for a very long time ... not that that's a bad thing ... he smells really good). <i>Chrome</i> will forever be the KN smell to me, and I don't think I could handle dating a guy who wears it. However, my favorite men's cologne <i>Curve</i>, which I think of as the Justin smell (he was a guitar playing friend from high school), is definitely still a turn-on to me. I just want to jump on guys that are wearing it. Yummy.
Smell is a very powerful thing to me. If I like the way a guy smells, I ask him what he's wearing. There's no shame in that. There are very few colognes that smell good to me and don't give me a headache, so when I smell one, I found out what it is. I actually didn't find out what the name of Justin's smell was until I asked one of the customers at the bank where I worked. I got the information I needed, and he was flattered by the attention.
I think I need to release some sexual energy at some point. I can feel it building up again. Maybe I can find some hot Canadian guy to make out with while I'm in Canada (I can overlook the fact that he's Canadian for the time being). Or a non-Canadian. It doesn't matter. I just need to get me some lovin'.
My page views got to be over 1000 recently. It's a miracle! Thanks to all of those who read my journal on a regular basis. You rock!
I choose not to comment on the war with Iraq ... and that's all I have to say about that.
I wonder how close I can get to the 10, 000 character limit. We shall see.
Can you tell that I'm really bored right now? I can't watch TV because there's nothing on my six channels but war coverage and bad syndicated shows. I don't feel like watching a movie because I'm watching one later on tonight. I might resort to playing simple computer games (like pinball!) to pass the time.
I've been thinking a lot about who my close friends are lately. My closest friend is K. I don't consider her my best friend ... I don't really have one of those. I think "best friend" requires a certain mental and emotional connection that I really don't have with anyone. But that's ok. It doesn't mean that I can't have really good friends.
I hate to admit it, but KN is probably my second closest friend. Now, as far as priorities are concerned, it's likely I wouldn't put him before my girlfriends. Chicks before dicks ya know. However, I realized recently that we have a very close no-bullshit relationship. I can tell him things that I can't talk to my girlfriends about. It's a very guy/girl friendship and it's a refreshing change from the dialogue between me and my four girlfriends. He told me that he considers me to be one of his five closest friends, and upon further analysis of myself, I too consider him to be in my top five ... although, it should be noted that I reallt only have five close friends.
Anyways, my next closest friend would probably be R. I know her well enough, but I know that she's more open with K and KC than with me. I rarely know about problems in her relationship with her boyfriend, or other personal stuff. It's always a surprise to me when I find out some things that have gone on for weeks, but no one bothered to tell me.
KC is next on my list. I can't really say I know her as well as I should. We rarely spend time one on one. We've gone shopping together a few times. Our conversations are very shallow and I don't really feel comfortable being alone with her. We're friends because we're both part of a group. If there was one person that I consider to be the most annoying to me in our group, it's KC. I hate trash talking my friends, but sometimes she just gets on my nerves. She's very dependant, but she's also very self-involved. I can't really blame her. Her family is very well-off and she grew up having everything that she wanted, but she was very sheltered and went crazy with alcohol and weed once she came to school here. She's closest with R. They were roommates last year and again this year.
S is probably the friend I'm the least closest to, but only because she rarely hangs out with us anymore. I know her better than I know KC ... I'm comfortable just stoppong by after class for short visit. Her boyfriend came to the mainland to live with her in January. She hasn't been around much since. It's all good though, she has a lot of friends in her building that she hangs out with.
My friends from high school hold a different place in my heart. My friend Anne, who goes to school at PSU (she transferred here after a year at UP) I've known since sixth grade. We played in the same orchestra for seven years. We have history. When I talk to her, we can talk about things that happened years and years ago. I make references to old jokes and she gets them. We sound like a couple of valley girls, and our conversations take me back to high school ... they make me feel younger, more innocent, more nieve. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that, but alas.
The only other person that I really still care about from high school is my friend Jeremy. Everyone thought he was gay in high school, a rumor he vehemently denied. He was so sad and depressed back then (kind of like me, but for different reasons). He was caught between friends who accepted him, and the popular people that he wanted to be accepted by. He always made me feel accepted. We played tennis all the time (I always beat him). He didn't judge me and I loved him for it. He left Grants Pass (small town, Oregon) to go to school at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas. He's since come out as bi. I couldn't be happier for him. I'm glad that he's found himself, as I've found myself. I'm excited that he's coming to Portland in May. I miss him.
Wow. 9713 characters. That's pretty close. This is the longest post I've ever made. LOL TTFN and have a great spring break.
If you're not the one ...
Everyone needs to check out "If you're not the one" by Daniel Beddingfield.
In other business, I think I owe y'all a Canada entry, but that's gonna have to come some other day. As well as some recent events. Sorry, I'm just not in the mood to talk about that shit right now. WARNING: RANT AHEAD
I'm so tired of myself. Why can't I be something that I'm not? Everyone else does it. I don't want to be sincere anymore. I want some confidence, some charisma, some .... something... anything.
I'm tired of being the "cute" girl who makes a good friend. I'm tired of being "the friend". But it's all I know how to be. I don't know how to be "the girlfriend" and I'm never going to learn. You can't learn from observation, and that's the only kind of experience I'm getting.
I'm so tired. Tired of being "good" at art. Tired of being "amazing" but only in the context of my "smartness" and "artistic ability". Tired of being "beautiful" to my guy friends, but not beautiful enough to date. Tired of being "the catch" that no one wants. Tired of hiding myself from my family. Tired of hiding myself from my friends. Tired of being a good student. Tired of my own self-analysis. Tired of guys getting to know me, then running for the nearest exit. Tired of the constant pressure. Tired of the nightmares. Tired of the sleep deprevation from insomnia. Tired of beginnings, and even more tired of the endings. Tired of the real. Tired of the fake. Tired of the conflict. Tired of the peace and quiet. Tired of the music. Tired the chase. Not tired from being chased, cuz we know there's none of that going on. Tired of being clean. Too tired to be dirty. Tired of the peer pressure. Tired of the beer and partying. Tired of walking. Tired of the stairs ... I'm not mothafuckin Rocky here. I'm tired of trying and failing. And I'm REALLY tired of succeeding at things that don't matter anyway. Tired of being cheery. Tired of my smile. Tired of my style. Tired of my eyes. Tired of my apartment. Tired of no visitors. Tired of the rules. Tired of the lies. Tired of the truths. Tired of the ends justifying the means. Tired of food. Tired of water. Tired of Ramen (not a food!). Tired of the memories of the good times. Tired of the bad times. Tired of lonliness. Tired of the cold. Tired of the rain. Tired of the Oregon weather teasing me by giving me two beautiful warm days followed by two weeks of shitty weather. Tired of Spring and all it's fucking chirping birds, fucking bunnies (literally), and fucking "love" and Spring fever. FUCK YOU SPRING! I'm tired of not getting any action. I'm tired of not being kissed. I'm tired of no cuddling. I'm tired of cookies. Tired of sweets. Tired of Pepsi. Nah, just kidding. That's my only solice. Tired of solidarity. Tired of songs that make me cry. Tired of being a night owl. Tired of making a difference. Tired of "being involved with the campus community." Tired of being a different person than I am deep down inside. Tired of the phone that no one ever calls me on. Tired of stupidly selfish friends. Tired of being the responsible one. Tired of being sober. Tired of following the leaders. Tired of the dog and pony show. Tired of working. Tired of trying. Tired of imagination (that's what makes fucked up nightmares). Tired of inexperience. Tired of crying in my own presense. Tired of locking my emotions away. Tired of letting my emotions show. Tired of not being what people expect me to be. Tired of not being pretty. Tired of not being interesting to anyone. Tired of being quiet. Tired of not being loud and obnoxious .... those are the kind of people that get what they want. Tired of reassuring myself when no one else will. Tired of being the object of no one's desire. Tired being kicked while I'm down. Tired of being the last to know. Tired of being ot of "the loop." Tired of the rat race. Tired of the real world. Tired of having dreams and aspirations that I can't achieve. Tired of think about guys that don't think about me. Tired of fantasizing. Tired of the wait. Tired of being late. Wow that rhymed kinda. I'm tired of things not turning out the way that I've imagined. Tired of being shit on (figuratively). Tired of people talking about me when I'm not there. Tired of 10 to 10 class on Tuesday and Thursday. Tired of math (I knew there was a reason I didn't do it anymore). Tired of not having any money. Tired of the smell. Tired of you. Tired of politics. Tired of the State of Oregon, which hasn't given me my refund check (the Feds gave me a check before the state did!). Tired of being too nice. Tired of being the good girl. Tired of being "the bad mormon." Tired of conversations. Tired of talking. Tired of making paper cutouts for a fucking bulletin board. Tired of having to explain myself. Tired of breaking shit. Tired of the ups and downs. Tired of the charade. Tired of not getting what I want. Tired of the daily grind. Tired of the high school memories. Tired of not being with old friends. Tired of the exile. Tired of the same thing year after year. Tired of getting an imitation knockoff of what I want, kind of like Parkay and Butter, or Barbie and one of her million competitors. Actually, I'm tired of those damn competitors too. Damn them! Tired of my body. Tired of my exquisite breasts. Tired of never being good enough for myself, but thinking I'm too good for everyone else. Too tired to think of anything else.
Sorry, I needed that. The Canada post will probably be up in a couple of days ... or not. You'll just have to keep your pants on til then.
Tammy
Everyone needs to check out "If you're not the one" by Daniel Beddingfield.
In other business, I think I owe y'all a Canada entry, but that's gonna have to come some other day. As well as some recent events. Sorry, I'm just not in the mood to talk about that shit right now. WARNING: RANT AHEAD
I'm so tired of myself. Why can't I be something that I'm not? Everyone else does it. I don't want to be sincere anymore. I want some confidence, some charisma, some .... something... anything.
I'm tired of being the "cute" girl who makes a good friend. I'm tired of being "the friend". But it's all I know how to be. I don't know how to be "the girlfriend" and I'm never going to learn. You can't learn from observation, and that's the only kind of experience I'm getting.
I'm so tired. Tired of being "good" at art. Tired of being "amazing" but only in the context of my "smartness" and "artistic ability". Tired of being "beautiful" to my guy friends, but not beautiful enough to date. Tired of being "the catch" that no one wants. Tired of hiding myself from my family. Tired of hiding myself from my friends. Tired of being a good student. Tired of my own self-analysis. Tired of guys getting to know me, then running for the nearest exit. Tired of the constant pressure. Tired of the nightmares. Tired of the sleep deprevation from insomnia. Tired of beginnings, and even more tired of the endings. Tired of the real. Tired of the fake. Tired of the conflict. Tired of the peace and quiet. Tired of the music. Tired the chase. Not tired from being chased, cuz we know there's none of that going on. Tired of being clean. Too tired to be dirty. Tired of the peer pressure. Tired of the beer and partying. Tired of walking. Tired of the stairs ... I'm not mothafuckin Rocky here. I'm tired of trying and failing. And I'm REALLY tired of succeeding at things that don't matter anyway. Tired of being cheery. Tired of my smile. Tired of my style. Tired of my eyes. Tired of my apartment. Tired of no visitors. Tired of the rules. Tired of the lies. Tired of the truths. Tired of the ends justifying the means. Tired of food. Tired of water. Tired of Ramen (not a food!). Tired of the memories of the good times. Tired of the bad times. Tired of lonliness. Tired of the cold. Tired of the rain. Tired of the Oregon weather teasing me by giving me two beautiful warm days followed by two weeks of shitty weather. Tired of Spring and all it's fucking chirping birds, fucking bunnies (literally), and fucking "love" and Spring fever. FUCK YOU SPRING! I'm tired of not getting any action. I'm tired of not being kissed. I'm tired of no cuddling. I'm tired of cookies. Tired of sweets. Tired of Pepsi. Nah, just kidding. That's my only solice. Tired of solidarity. Tired of songs that make me cry. Tired of being a night owl. Tired of making a difference. Tired of "being involved with the campus community." Tired of being a different person than I am deep down inside. Tired of the phone that no one ever calls me on. Tired of stupidly selfish friends. Tired of being the responsible one. Tired of being sober. Tired of following the leaders. Tired of the dog and pony show. Tired of working. Tired of trying. Tired of imagination (that's what makes fucked up nightmares). Tired of inexperience. Tired of crying in my own presense. Tired of locking my emotions away. Tired of letting my emotions show. Tired of not being what people expect me to be. Tired of not being pretty. Tired of not being interesting to anyone. Tired of being quiet. Tired of not being loud and obnoxious .... those are the kind of people that get what they want. Tired of reassuring myself when no one else will. Tired of being the object of no one's desire. Tired being kicked while I'm down. Tired of being the last to know. Tired of being ot of "the loop." Tired of the rat race. Tired of the real world. Tired of having dreams and aspirations that I can't achieve. Tired of think about guys that don't think about me. Tired of fantasizing. Tired of the wait. Tired of being late. Wow that rhymed kinda. I'm tired of things not turning out the way that I've imagined. Tired of being shit on (figuratively). Tired of people talking about me when I'm not there. Tired of 10 to 10 class on Tuesday and Thursday. Tired of math (I knew there was a reason I didn't do it anymore). Tired of not having any money. Tired of the smell. Tired of you. Tired of politics. Tired of the State of Oregon, which hasn't given me my refund check (the Feds gave me a check before the state did!). Tired of being too nice. Tired of being the good girl. Tired of being "the bad mormon." Tired of conversations. Tired of talking. Tired of making paper cutouts for a fucking bulletin board. Tired of having to explain myself. Tired of breaking shit. Tired of the ups and downs. Tired of the charade. Tired of not getting what I want. Tired of the daily grind. Tired of the high school memories. Tired of not being with old friends. Tired of the exile. Tired of the same thing year after year. Tired of getting an imitation knockoff of what I want, kind of like Parkay and Butter, or Barbie and one of her million competitors. Actually, I'm tired of those damn competitors too. Damn them! Tired of my body. Tired of my exquisite breasts. Tired of never being good enough for myself, but thinking I'm too good for everyone else. Too tired to think of anything else.
Sorry, I needed that. The Canada post will probably be up in a couple of days ... or not. You'll just have to keep your pants on til then.
Tammy
O how the days go by ......
I seem to only be writing in this thing once a week. *shrugs* I guess it doesn't matter. My NEXT post will be about Canadia. *I promise*. So anyway ...
I really feel like shit today. I woke up with a migraine headache, and a sore neck. I must have slept on it wrong. I had to get up early to go to a Resident's Council meeting. I had a bagel and cream cheese (which I now REGRET eating). I can still feel it sitting in my stomach, making me nauseous. I think some soup is in order.
Up until Wednesday, I had not experienced a "bad" massage. I didn't think they were possible! Maybe my massages from KN have spoiled me. He gives *great* massages. Anyways, back to the subject at hand ... I feel bad now because I didn't tell the guy that his massage was crappy. And that got me thinkin'. What if MY massages are really bad, but my guy friends just don't want to TELL me because they think it would hurt my feelings or something. I don't know. Just gave me something to think about. Yeah, so this guy, let's call him"E", is one of the guys that I've met through the online personals. We've gone on two dates, essentially. I went and saw "Dreamcatcher" with him (crappy movie) way back at the end of last month. I hadn't seen him for three weeks or so. We talk to through emails, but not about anything really intellectual or important. I made him some dinner on Wednesday (and that's when I got the BAD massage). I don't think anything will come of it. He's a nice guy, but I'm not really attracted to him. He's too tall.
On Monday, I'm meeting with another guy I met online. Let's call him JR. He's got a nice car. That's all I really have to say for now.
Then there's Lance. Yes, that's his real name. I think he's worthy of having his full name here. Why? Because he's hotter than fuck, that's why. I might him online too. He's really giving me mixed signals though. I really don't understand what he's thinking (of course, I've never understood guys, so I guess it's nothing new). I met Lance about three and a half weeks ago. We started talking on a Wednesday, and our conversation somehow veered toward food (as it OFTEN does when we talk online) and cookies. I make kick-ass cookies. So he's like, you wanna teach me how to make your cookies, and I'm like sure, how's Friday? So I had the guy over to my apartment .... after only knowing him for TWO DAYS. No need to chastize me. My friends already did that. Anyways, I had no idea that he would be as hot as he was. His pictures don't do him justice. So the cookie making went good. We talked for a while after that. There was a lot of lapses in conversation. A LOT. I suggested we watch a movie, so we did. Then we watched some TV after that, and he went home at like 1 am-ish. I really thought I had kind of blown it. I'm not talkative. I just don't talk. Ans I CERTAINLY don't talk to really fucking hot guys as a matter of practice. It's really hard to talk to hot guys!
But anyway, the next friday (last friday), he's like, you wanna play hookie (I had class) and go to Mt Tabor with me and Red? and I'm like sure. But all the while I was thinking, who the fuck is "Red"? It's his dog. So we basically went for a little doggy walk in Mt Tabor park. Then we went to Wendy's (after much "Well, what do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you wanna do?" .... we are far too indecisive). So after that we ended up visiting the military surplus store, and 21 century tattoo (he's thinking about getting one ..... this was actually the same place that I got my nose pierced). After that there was much more indecisiveness, and so we parked near the waterfront (for anyone in Portland, we went to the OTHER SIDE of the river ..... not the one with nice green lawns, and fountains, and crazy people talking to poles). And we walked along the walkway for a while. Once again, many lapses in conversation. I wouldn't really mark that as a bad thing I guess. It takes a while for me to be able to talk to people, whether they are hot or not. I sense that we are the same in a lot of ways. For one thing, the foods that we eat are virtually the same. We can have an hour long conversation about our favorite fast food french fries .... oops, I mean "freedom fries". And as we were driving along in the car, we were both indecisive as fuck. This indicates to me that we are the same in a lot of different ways. I mean, I wasn't talking, but neither was he. I don't know. I can't really explain it. But anyways, once again, I thought I had blown it (and I probably have ..... that one's still to be decided).
So anyway, the whole point of this story is this: like, the day after, we're talking online, and he's like, ya know what, Red thinks your hott. And I'm just like ... What ... the .... fuck. I'm not sure if many guys read this journal, but ya gotta help me out here. What the FUCK does that mean!?! His dog thinks I'm hot? There's many ways to interpret a statement like that, and not all of them are good. I don't even know what to think about that. I'm confused. Somebody help me!
Tammy
I seem to only be writing in this thing once a week. *shrugs* I guess it doesn't matter. My NEXT post will be about Canadia. *I promise*. So anyway ...
I really feel like shit today. I woke up with a migraine headache, and a sore neck. I must have slept on it wrong. I had to get up early to go to a Resident's Council meeting. I had a bagel and cream cheese (which I now REGRET eating). I can still feel it sitting in my stomach, making me nauseous. I think some soup is in order.
Up until Wednesday, I had not experienced a "bad" massage. I didn't think they were possible! Maybe my massages from KN have spoiled me. He gives *great* massages. Anyways, back to the subject at hand ... I feel bad now because I didn't tell the guy that his massage was crappy. And that got me thinkin'. What if MY massages are really bad, but my guy friends just don't want to TELL me because they think it would hurt my feelings or something. I don't know. Just gave me something to think about. Yeah, so this guy, let's call him"E", is one of the guys that I've met through the online personals. We've gone on two dates, essentially. I went and saw "Dreamcatcher" with him (crappy movie) way back at the end of last month. I hadn't seen him for three weeks or so. We talk to through emails, but not about anything really intellectual or important. I made him some dinner on Wednesday (and that's when I got the BAD massage). I don't think anything will come of it. He's a nice guy, but I'm not really attracted to him. He's too tall.
On Monday, I'm meeting with another guy I met online. Let's call him JR. He's got a nice car. That's all I really have to say for now.
Then there's Lance. Yes, that's his real name. I think he's worthy of having his full name here. Why? Because he's hotter than fuck, that's why. I might him online too. He's really giving me mixed signals though. I really don't understand what he's thinking (of course, I've never understood guys, so I guess it's nothing new). I met Lance about three and a half weeks ago. We started talking on a Wednesday, and our conversation somehow veered toward food (as it OFTEN does when we talk online) and cookies. I make kick-ass cookies. So he's like, you wanna teach me how to make your cookies, and I'm like sure, how's Friday? So I had the guy over to my apartment .... after only knowing him for TWO DAYS. No need to chastize me. My friends already did that. Anyways, I had no idea that he would be as hot as he was. His pictures don't do him justice. So the cookie making went good. We talked for a while after that. There was a lot of lapses in conversation. A LOT. I suggested we watch a movie, so we did. Then we watched some TV after that, and he went home at like 1 am-ish. I really thought I had kind of blown it. I'm not talkative. I just don't talk. Ans I CERTAINLY don't talk to really fucking hot guys as a matter of practice. It's really hard to talk to hot guys!
But anyway, the next friday (last friday), he's like, you wanna play hookie (I had class) and go to Mt Tabor with me and Red? and I'm like sure. But all the while I was thinking, who the fuck is "Red"? It's his dog. So we basically went for a little doggy walk in Mt Tabor park. Then we went to Wendy's (after much "Well, what do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you wanna do?" .... we are far too indecisive). So after that we ended up visiting the military surplus store, and 21 century tattoo (he's thinking about getting one ..... this was actually the same place that I got my nose pierced). After that there was much more indecisiveness, and so we parked near the waterfront (for anyone in Portland, we went to the OTHER SIDE of the river ..... not the one with nice green lawns, and fountains, and crazy people talking to poles). And we walked along the walkway for a while. Once again, many lapses in conversation. I wouldn't really mark that as a bad thing I guess. It takes a while for me to be able to talk to people, whether they are hot or not. I sense that we are the same in a lot of ways. For one thing, the foods that we eat are virtually the same. We can have an hour long conversation about our favorite fast food french fries .... oops, I mean "freedom fries". And as we were driving along in the car, we were both indecisive as fuck. This indicates to me that we are the same in a lot of different ways. I mean, I wasn't talking, but neither was he. I don't know. I can't really explain it. But anyways, once again, I thought I had blown it (and I probably have ..... that one's still to be decided).
So anyway, the whole point of this story is this: like, the day after, we're talking online, and he's like, ya know what, Red thinks your hott. And I'm just like ... What ... the .... fuck. I'm not sure if many guys read this journal, but ya gotta help me out here. What the FUCK does that mean!?! His dog thinks I'm hot? There's many ways to interpret a statement like that, and not all of them are good. I don't even know what to think about that. I'm confused. Somebody help me!
Tammy
Hmmmmm
Ok, I know I said the next post was going to be about Canada, but let's face it ... it ain't gonna happen. I'll write it later. I promise
This weekend was an interesting one. I went out to dinner with Lance on Friday night. We went to Chang's Mongolian Grill. It was a very cool place. I'm still not sure how I've managed to NOT scare this guy off. I usually send men running for the hills. It's very confusing. We talk almost every day on AIM. He sends me little messages like : :angel: <---- Tammy ..... and I'm just thinking wtf!?! He says he wants to get drunk with me too. Hmmmmm ..... I'm not gonna say no to free beer. I am a college student afterall. And I'm not nieve. I know what it means when a guy wants to get drunk with you. But I'm not K, or KC (I haven't actually told the story of KC and her drunken escapade, because that falls under "Canada" .... and since I haven't written that yet, you'd have no idea what I'm talking about anyway, so it makes me wonder why I even mentioned it at all!). Anyways, so I don't really know what's going on with him. We'll see.
K has a new boyfriend. A guy she knew for a week. A guy she met three times before she started calling him her boyfriend. The first time, she met him briefly. He's one of her sister's roomates. The second time, K and R were doing laundry at her sister's house. He didn't recognize her from before. They flirted. He acted like R wasn't there, which would be fine with R if they had been dating for a while, but this was only the second time they had met! He calls K after getting her number from her sister, his message starts out "Hey C's sister ......" For those of you that don't get the significance, he DIDN'T KNOW HER NAME. She made him dinner, and suddenly she's his girlfriend. If it was somebody besides K, I wouldn't care. But K has a pattern of jumping head first into relationships. And it's usually with guys that are no good for her. She says she's gonna wait at least a month before sleeping with this guy. I give it two weeks. She can't help herself. They're already having sleepovers! She might as well have just had a one night stand with this guy, because it's not gonna last. But K doesn't see it, and she won't listen to us, so she's just going to have to learn her lesson the hard way.
tammy
Ok, I know I said the next post was going to be about Canada, but let's face it ... it ain't gonna happen. I'll write it later. I promise
This weekend was an interesting one. I went out to dinner with Lance on Friday night. We went to Chang's Mongolian Grill. It was a very cool place. I'm still not sure how I've managed to NOT scare this guy off. I usually send men running for the hills. It's very confusing. We talk almost every day on AIM. He sends me little messages like : :angel: <---- Tammy ..... and I'm just thinking wtf!?! He says he wants to get drunk with me too. Hmmmmm ..... I'm not gonna say no to free beer. I am a college student afterall. And I'm not nieve. I know what it means when a guy wants to get drunk with you. But I'm not K, or KC (I haven't actually told the story of KC and her drunken escapade, because that falls under "Canada" .... and since I haven't written that yet, you'd have no idea what I'm talking about anyway, so it makes me wonder why I even mentioned it at all!). Anyways, so I don't really know what's going on with him. We'll see.
K has a new boyfriend. A guy she knew for a week. A guy she met three times before she started calling him her boyfriend. The first time, she met him briefly. He's one of her sister's roomates. The second time, K and R were doing laundry at her sister's house. He didn't recognize her from before. They flirted. He acted like R wasn't there, which would be fine with R if they had been dating for a while, but this was only the second time they had met! He calls K after getting her number from her sister, his message starts out "Hey C's sister ......" For those of you that don't get the significance, he DIDN'T KNOW HER NAME. She made him dinner, and suddenly she's his girlfriend. If it was somebody besides K, I wouldn't care. But K has a pattern of jumping head first into relationships. And it's usually with guys that are no good for her. She says she's gonna wait at least a month before sleeping with this guy. I give it two weeks. She can't help herself. They're already having sleepovers! She might as well have just had a one night stand with this guy, because it's not gonna last. But K doesn't see it, and she won't listen to us, so she's just going to have to learn her lesson the hard way.
tammy
The Shakedown
God's giving me the shakedown. No, seriously. Friday night, my friends and I were getting drunk at R's place before we went to some concerts. I was going to Zebrahead with Lance, and everyone else was going to Atmosphere (Zebrahead was awesome by the way .... too bad they weren't headlining, they only got to play for an hour!) Anyways, I had told myself that I was going to go back to my place at 7:20 to get ready (Lance was picking me up at 7:45). My building is 'U' shaped. When going from my friend's place to my building, I always go in the back door. So as I walk into my apartment buidling lobby through the back door, there are two Mormon missionaries at the front door. Being the drunken idiot that I was, I let them in (just to be nice!) As I was letting them in, carrying a fifth of redrum and a 2-liter of Pepsi, I suddenly had a thought. "Oh fucking SHIT. They're here to see ME!." There are two staircases in my building, I went to mine, they went to the other one. I sprinted up the stairs in a long skirt and flipflops (it was hard I tell ya) and ran down the hall to my room. The whole time I'm just thinking, oh shit, gotta get inside and pretend I'm not here. So I kept all the lights off and sat in my kitchen. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I tried to regulate my breathing. Two minutes later (it seemed like hours .... my drunken mind was racing .... I was tripping out BAD), there came a knocking. It was very singsong-y. Kind of like shave and a hair cut, but not. I guess they are probably taught to knock that way so that they seem less threatening. Whatever. I sure as HELL wasn't gonna answer the door. I quietly mumbled go away go away. They knocked AGAIN. Shit, these people don't give up (it's a good thing these guys didn't know what I looked like, otherwise they would have recognized me in the lobby .... hmmm .... really dodged a bullet there). I wait like a minute after the second knock, then I slowly creap toward my door. They were still out there ... leaving a message. Geez, it took them a long time to write that note. This is what it said: "Tami, sorry we missed you!" Right, whatever. They spelled my name wrong! So anyways, I stayed quiet in my apartment for at least 5 minutes, just in case they came back. I was freaked out.
There are several things about this story that just don't sit right with me. First of all, who told these guys my address? I have to assume that it was my parents is some way or another. Maybe they didn't do it directly, probably through my bishop down in Grants Pass. I swear, these people are like the FBI. They know everything about you and they'll hunt you down! I knew that they had my phone number (cuz they've called before). They've got their spies everywhere (like one of my former music teachers at PSU (who's a Mormon... and a section leader in the Oregon Symphony))..... how did HE found out that I was Mormon? Who knows, but the point is that he KNEW. Anyways, back to the topic ..... So how did these guys get my address ..... and why did they pick LAST NIGHT, of all days? Why did they choose a day where I was drunk off my ass and carrying my stash of alcohol in plain sight? And why did they come to my buildings front doors at the EXACT time that I was coming in the back? And why was it ME that let them in, when they were coming to see ME!?! ME ME ME!?! WHY WHY WHY!?!?! Sorry God, but I will not be shaken down. You're gonna have to try harder than that.
Tammy
*edit* OMG, this entry sounds really blasphemous. *shrugs* */edit*
God's giving me the shakedown. No, seriously. Friday night, my friends and I were getting drunk at R's place before we went to some concerts. I was going to Zebrahead with Lance, and everyone else was going to Atmosphere (Zebrahead was awesome by the way .... too bad they weren't headlining, they only got to play for an hour!) Anyways, I had told myself that I was going to go back to my place at 7:20 to get ready (Lance was picking me up at 7:45). My building is 'U' shaped. When going from my friend's place to my building, I always go in the back door. So as I walk into my apartment buidling lobby through the back door, there are two Mormon missionaries at the front door. Being the drunken idiot that I was, I let them in (just to be nice!) As I was letting them in, carrying a fifth of redrum and a 2-liter of Pepsi, I suddenly had a thought. "Oh fucking SHIT. They're here to see ME!." There are two staircases in my building, I went to mine, they went to the other one. I sprinted up the stairs in a long skirt and flipflops (it was hard I tell ya) and ran down the hall to my room. The whole time I'm just thinking, oh shit, gotta get inside and pretend I'm not here. So I kept all the lights off and sat in my kitchen. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I tried to regulate my breathing. Two minutes later (it seemed like hours .... my drunken mind was racing .... I was tripping out BAD), there came a knocking. It was very singsong-y. Kind of like shave and a hair cut, but not. I guess they are probably taught to knock that way so that they seem less threatening. Whatever. I sure as HELL wasn't gonna answer the door. I quietly mumbled go away go away. They knocked AGAIN. Shit, these people don't give up (it's a good thing these guys didn't know what I looked like, otherwise they would have recognized me in the lobby .... hmmm .... really dodged a bullet there). I wait like a minute after the second knock, then I slowly creap toward my door. They were still out there ... leaving a message. Geez, it took them a long time to write that note. This is what it said: "Tami, sorry we missed you!" Right, whatever. They spelled my name wrong! So anyways, I stayed quiet in my apartment for at least 5 minutes, just in case they came back. I was freaked out.
There are several things about this story that just don't sit right with me. First of all, who told these guys my address? I have to assume that it was my parents is some way or another. Maybe they didn't do it directly, probably through my bishop down in Grants Pass. I swear, these people are like the FBI. They know everything about you and they'll hunt you down! I knew that they had my phone number (cuz they've called before). They've got their spies everywhere (like one of my former music teachers at PSU (who's a Mormon... and a section leader in the Oregon Symphony))..... how did HE found out that I was Mormon? Who knows, but the point is that he KNEW. Anyways, back to the topic ..... So how did these guys get my address ..... and why did they pick LAST NIGHT, of all days? Why did they choose a day where I was drunk off my ass and carrying my stash of alcohol in plain sight? And why did they come to my buildings front doors at the EXACT time that I was coming in the back? And why was it ME that let them in, when they were coming to see ME!?! ME ME ME!?! WHY WHY WHY!?!?! Sorry God, but I will not be shaken down. You're gonna have to try harder than that.
Tammy
*edit* OMG, this entry sounds really blasphemous. *shrugs* */edit*