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Episode 1
The Plan

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On Saturday, May 8th at 11:00pm at The Bitter End, I will be playing guitar in Terry Jinn's Enormous Television 3.0.

Will I become the rockstar I dream of, swept away in a shower of cheers and ladies underwear from the audience, or will I fail miserably to a jeer of boooo's and broken beer bottles hurrled with pinpoint accuracy?

BACKGROUND

Almost exactly 8 years ago, on April 23rd, 1996, I recieved an electric guitar and an amp from my parents as a birthday present. For the last 8 years, secluded in the safety of my bedroom, I alone, have taught myself everything I know. I have never taken guitar lessons. Instead, Ive just play along to songs on my stereo, songs in my head, and make up totaly wicked songs that i forget the next day.

I always have wondered what it would be like, now 8 years later, to try and bring my cover song guitar playing to an audience of more than my wall and a door I pretend is a microphone sometimes.

THE TRAGIC HISTORY OF "HIS BOY ELROY"

When I was 17, I was asked to play lead guitar in my friend Scott's Smashing Pumpkins Coverband. The name of the band was His Boy Elroy. I accepted the offer. I had never played with this kid before(or really anyone) but he seemed to like The Smashing Pumpkins just as much as I did and had a much nicer guitar as well. Boy was I wrong about him. He didnt know how to play guitar (or sing)at all. I ended up carrying all the songs in the show on my shoulders. I was so young, had only been playing guitar for about a year, and yet called on to be a god amongst men(and hot chicks) under stressful and very public circumstances. I played stiff, messed up A LOT, stood in one place, and had a look of pure uncontrollable fear the whole time. Scott played random chords and tried to remember the lyrics or even the right key he was supposed to be singing in. Our bassist, who was way worse than scott, had his amp turned down far below audible level (thank god). I just tried to keep up with my good friend omars considerably awesome drumming. After our (pittifuly hilarious) show at the carnaval, I went back to my room and cried that night. I had failed to be awesome. The intro's to every song we played still ring in my head to this day:


It was said over and over. That line preceded every song we played. I played all I knew, and tried to cover for Scott, who knew lots of notes but none of the correct ones. To put it simply: We sucked. To put it more specificly, I sucked, therefor, we sucked.

His Boy Elroy broke up that night after a jeer of boos from our friends and peers at the end of the set. They consisted of the varsity baseball team, the jv baseball team, the varsity cheerleading squad, a bunch of my drama friends, and our parents. But I alone had ruined the school carnaval that year because I wasnt ready to rock. I havent played live since that fateful night.

ROCK AND ROLL had called me, and I discovered that night that I had my see-through, blue pager turned off.

I hope that THIS TIME, 7 years later, i will be ready.

...My name is Eason Smith. I want to be an ETV3 rockstar.

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