Love, Drill Press

[Dyna Moe]

Jonnie wants me to do another CD cover for him, which is my first in a year (I think I did "The Ben Kweller Ep" in 2001 even though it came out this year). It should be fun... it's a 4 way split compilation featuring bands from the UK, Spain, The Netherlands, and Denmark called "The International Language of Love."

I want to draw a cover, either like the last KFM 7" I did (which was all digital, done in Illustrator) or cartoony. I'm getting a Wacom tablet from my parents for Xmas so it would be my first project to use it on. I worry the Illustrator thing is getting played out... so many people knocking off Shag instead of just me knocking off Shag. I did sketches on paper for it, which I very rarely do, which should make it a little less stiff (and less Shag-like). One thing I've never done like Shag -- all my female characters have noses. Shag draws the same pointy-boobed no-nose woman in every illustration, no mater how much the male varies in terms of abstraction.

I found a weird KFM cover I started in Illustrator that was James walking with giant anthropomorphisized fruits and vegetables around him. It was a swipe from a 60s Christian children's record called "Walking in the Sunshine with Little Marcie," the titular character being a creepy puppet.

My thought for "International Language of Love" was to do stereotypes for each land represented and have them all wooing the same pretty girl. Records with pretty girls on the cover sell better I think, plus 99% of the material these guys write is probably about wooing pretty girls (if they're like their American counterparts). So we can have a inbred looking schoolboy in a football scarf representing Britain and a bullfigher smoothie for Spain and some kind of cap-wearing page-boy lad for the Netherlands offering tulips and legal marijuana. Denmark is problematic. I think I'll put Hamlet in there, offering tinned butter cookies and legos with one hand and "Alas"ing poor Yorick with the other. Legos come from Denmark.

My throat hurts.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Hot Tonight?

My roommate bought a Playstation II and GTA3. It's a Merry Commercial Xmas after all! I spend most of the day playing GTA.

He also gave me Dance Dance Revolution as a Christmas present (I gave him KiMoney. Kim's is so sucky they don't give you a gift certificate or anything, so I had to make my own), but not the floor pad, so I have to buy that on ebay or something.

I can now fully enjoy being idle. Perhaps we can get cable while we're at it.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Cranky Crank

I remember being really aghast in elementary school when I saw how my classmates wrote (and since we were often "grading" each others papers I saw it often). I was so shocked at bad penmanship and terrible misspellings of baby easy words like "those" and "bus" and their inability to write sentances... things that were all very easy for me (not that I didn't misspell things, but mispelling kindergarten words was really unforgivable). They talked well enough, but on paper you discover how stupid everyone else is.

Now I feel the same way about reading webjournals, on the few opportunities (usually mistakes... opportunistakes) I've read a "teen" journal here or elsewhere. "OMG life sux hehe fuckyou the end" The backspace key is one of the great novelties of the computer age; use it. I've been participating in "online life" -- what a cruel ironic term -- since I was ten and even then I knew enough to not write in all caps, do my best on spelling and try and have something to say. Emoticons weren't invented yet, luckily. We had "<g>" and "LOL" and that ilk, but using those too much made you look like a moron.

January 16 I'm killing this journal. I stuck to it for a year, which was more social experiment for myself since I am very very private in life and I've never managed to keep a journal before. It has become an embarrassment rather than a keepsake of an ultimately unremarkable year in my life.

And now, Christmas, in which the author doesn't sleep for two days but receives gifts.

Given--

Brother, two record album (12 x12) picture frames.
Mother: Highlander DVD
Father: David Rackoff's book "Fraud"
Mother & Father: LP red bowl (mentioned previously)
Joe Erg: three sheets of blue sparkle laminate, Punky bleach kit
Catherine: Knitted fingerpuppets in Hello Kitty Bento Box

All presents were liked, which was good. Always a struggle, I think, and to make things "right" in my mind I want to spend at least $20 a person (for family members). I almost always get my father a book, usually a book about television shows, but my dad has a very "McSweeny's" sense of humor and in previous years, he got very into "This American Life" so the Rackoff book was a perfect fit (it has several TAL monologues in it).

My mom tastes are all over the place, but she's not nearly the cultural snob my father is... her favorite movies tend to be real populist crap (like "Buckaroo Banzai"). She's actually watching "The Sum of All Fears" in the other room. Total crap. I think she doesn't really pay attention to things like TV and movies so she likes things she can follow while reading the paper or sewing. "Highlander" (not any of the abyssmal sequels) is one of those things she likes and rents every few years to watch. She thought it was funny I got it for her.

My brother has the worst taste in everything on the planet. It's not lazy bad taste either, like he listens to Top 40 or some shit. He puts effort into seeking out THE WORST CRAP ON THE PLANET. And he's jumped genres too... it was terrible hippie jamband crap for a while and then a lot of supergay disco music but since living in Sweden and becoming "a DJ" it's been ambiant progrock crap. And he *always* gives me the worst CDs on the planet. The last three years. It's "Sigur Ros" this year, and a copy of "The Artists Way." Eek. It's harmless, I guess, but it goes the show how little communication there is between us. He has complained loudly about us not being close, but his idea of a conversation starter is a self-indulgent monologue about his tortured love life and drug use. I hardly know him in any social way, and he expects we would exchange the intimate details of our love relationships. He thinks I'm a homophobe, too. He won't stop talking about fucking stereo equipment ever and he says everything twice.

I have a Wacom tablet now. I have to learn how to use it.

The Dec 25 snowstorm has cut off the Space House pretty well from the rest of the world. The plowman skipped our driveway, probably fuming over not getting paid earlier by my parents for previous services rendered. I am staying longer than I planned for sure, hopefully leaving tomorrow.

 

[Dyna Moe]

If you ask me who the greatest mind of the naicent 21st century is, I without a doubt would say JAMES CAHILL, but then I would snicker about crappy choice. Much as the SPY magazine cover said at the end of Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey -- I HAVE NOTHING BAD TO SAY ABOUT HIM. My hero worship is staggering and makes me a bit dizzy.

Lo, I did see him last night. He and Mufrida (his constant and much-loved companion) were at his father's house in Pelham for this holiday season. He and all his high school buddies (he keeps in touch with high school buddies! Genius!) came down from Pelham to a bar called Delft on Avenue B.

His brother, the doctor, is eight years older than him and also was in attendance. He was sloppy. I asked him if it bothered him that his much older brother was hanging out with his high school friends and he said it has been going on since high school (when his cache was he could buy them beer).

Many drinks into the night. Mufrida wanted to eat so I went with her to Odessa (Where Black Flag asked Henry Rollins to join the band!) which is the longest I've spoken to her continuously. We were very sloppy. We went back to the bar (even though home was so close!) and the rest of the sloppies decided to leave and went back up to St Marks and A (home!) to get Pizza at Ninos.

Jonnie Whoa-Oh, who James accurately pinpointed as "a Joe Pesci caricature," often praises Ninos and the sloppies from Pelham also went on about how great Ninos is. James said early Kung Fu Monkeys meetings were held there and in the company of Malibu Lou (a figure no longer on the scene but decribed as Jonnie Whoa-Oh magnified into obnoxiousness... he was the head of Caroline records when it was solvent), they met various mid-level punk celebrities I can't recall the name of. The pizza is unremarkable, and it makes you poot. It's farty pizza.

I took my leave of the Pelhamites there, but since I had spotted Mufridah for dinner they promised to come back on Monday to go to the tiki bar that Barmacy has mutated into.

I have to go buy a pad for Dance Dance Revolution! And also, I must go to Old Bridge, NJ on Sunday to have "sunday dinner" with Joe Erg's family. Oh no! Joe Erg gave me his present that he was long waiting in the mail for -- a DVD of FLCL the greatest anime ever made! It's a Chinese release so it has every episode (the US release only has 2 episodes, how retarded!)... pretty awesome!

Dance pad dance pad dance pad. I go to toys r us.... NOW!

 

[Dyna Moe]

December 30

On Monday Night, James and Mufridah returned to make good on their promise. I prepared enough to have DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION ready to go.

Bill and I went to numeruous stores in search of the BEST DANCE PAD available. A pro-sumer pad. Toys R Us only had one cheapy one and then one that had a Kareoke machine built in. Circuit City had none. We hit the GameSpot near NYU, it also only had a cheapy one. The cheapy off brand pads always mention "Britney's Dance Beat" on the package. I was holding out for the "official" dance pad that says "STAY COOL" in the middle. We finally found it on what I believed to be a video game/porno store (There was a picture of Ron Jeremy dressed as Super Mario in the window) on St Marks. It was pretty sweet... they had the offical pad, a lot of Japan only game releases and 80s systems. Hipster video game lifestyle.

James and Mufridah came and we went first to old Devil Moon. There were gaps in the conversation, I admit with regret. Mufridah was a very good audience... she laughed at everything. James seems happier about living in LA than she does, but she's from there. I had some inside scoops for them to check out from my mother being from LA and when I lived out there for a summer three years ago... like the bar near the House of Pies frequented by drunk purple-faced jockeys.

Mufridah wanted new glasses, so we went to Fabulous Fannies, warning her ahead of time that the guys who work there are like super gay and they'd get their gay all over you. Gayer than the marshall of the annual Gay Gay parade. She loved it and we spend almost a half hour there before she settled on some sparkly pink frames. James tried on some Beatle boots, and the friendly shop guy made him eat a Russian chocolate with prunes and almonds in it. He later said it was the worst thing he had ever eaten (in recent memory).

Veniero's was too crowded (probably Japanese tour groups) so we went across the street to DeRobertis for coffee. Then we went back so I could introduce them to the cult of DDR. James immediately started breaking things and knocked over some water all over the pad on his first good. They liked it a lot and James said he would definitely get this for when they got back to LA (in lieu of a surfboard!). I found out that they were reefer smokers, which should aid them in their DDR-mastery. Mufridah has similar taste to me, so I gave her a vintage jacket I had and she took copies of some of my flyers. She liked one of my FF dresses, which I offered to give her, but she wouldn't take it.

When it got late (and they had a go at GTA), they left to catch their train back up. They didn't know if they were going to Dirt Bike Adam's New Years Party, because it was pretty far out in Jersey City and Mufridah had an early flight back to CA on Jan 1. They said they'd call and I was left to clean up the spills and air out of sweaty feet smell in my apartment.

Jack Nicholson in the About Schmidt trailer looks like my dad. I prefer "Mr. Blue Sky" in the Adaption trailer over "Mr. Blue Sky" in the Volkswagen commercial.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Bedeviled Eggs

December 31, 2002 - January 1, 2003

Conan was funny tonight... I remember the "New Years Party Photos" when I did the show this time last year. Is it an annual thing or did they cut it last year and replay it? It had awesome photoshop on "Max's eye came out" and "Conan shoots his nose off."

Marc Maron was also on the show and they showed the cover of his CD which I did the cover of. (I didn't get a copy of it). He called be the day after Christmas... I have to call him back. He needs a font or some shit.

Joe Erg and I fought most of New Years Eve... I thought he was coming over and he didn't and he wanted me to come out to Jersey blah blah. I was really mad. I ditched all of my NY parties and decided that I'd just go to Adam's rather than racing around. I met Joe at Big Chef in JC and then we went back to his apartment. He instantly became violently ill, puking his guts out. Food poisoning or virus or something. He told me to go to the party with out him and if he felt better, he'd come by later. I called him later and he was still puking and sounding pretty rattled.

Adam had put a lot of work into the food for the party... ironic food mostly -- fondue and canapes, which the dog was a thousand times more enthusiatic for than any of the people. Dan and Jeanie were there and a handful of their Jersey friends I don't really know. Lew was DJing and played a pretty great set of songs... and the apartment looked really nice -- he has a balcony and a cool bar. There just weren't... people there. Eventually the place started to fill up and some people I knew came -- Hallie, Chris Tattletale, and the Shy Guys from Queens (but not Jonnie Whoa-Oh, their charismatic leader). Everyone was sad Joe wasn't there (he was supposed to DJ as well... he has many unlikely talents -- karate, DJing, DDR) and people talked a lot about who they WISHED was there... like James or Junior. I wish James or Junior was there. I felt pretty lonely and I had no one to kiss at midnight. Everyone left by 1 PM, which was pretty crazy early. I got a lift back to Joe's apartment and he was still puking hard. I slept on the sofa.

He woke up pretty early and woke me up, which is pretty unusual. He wanted to play State of Emergency. He was weak and shaking. We both slept for a few more hours and then drove in the rain to buy him soup (he wasn't able to eat before that) and popsicles (he was dehydrated). I'm glad he had his car. After he ate, I left to go home.

I leave my windows open to escape the suffocating steam heat of our overactive radiator. Unfortunately, because of the rain the night before, my bed and desk and computer were totally soaked with rain blown in. I toweled down everything, and left it. Brian brought over the GirlCrush Secunda tapes for Bill to edit in. I was going to see Seth, but he was too tired after seeing "Drumline," so we put it off until Friday.

An unassuming start.

 

[Dyna Moe]

I called a lot of people and left messages today. James is leaving tomorrow, so I was hoping we could do something. I left him a message at noon, but he didn't get it until the evening.

Catherine came over to play DDR. We had some pretty bad Thai food at Mini Thai Cafe on Avenue A. She is super enthusiastic for the game and although pretty spastic, managed to pass almost every song she did (up to like 5 feet rating). To my credit, I got an AA on "Peace Out" (the slowest song in the game).

She has a much better attitude than I do. I get really frusterated that I fail the songs even at the easiest level and complain. She laughed when she messed up and always got right back into it. I have such horrible negativity about things. She unlocked 3 songs in just one session of playing.

I want Sam to stop IMing me. He's my old roommate Monique's precocious little brother who I've known since he was four. He is now 11. He is horrible to IM with... he just asks random questions and then if I don't reply right away he keeps typing "Are you there?" I don't get IMs often but when I do they tend to be fricking annoying as hell. I need to just stop using it.

I filed for Unemployment online. Now I have to like actively seek a job.

I wonder how my semi-legal and often unreported (My dad's lawyer didn't even mention it on my taxes despite my records of invoices because the totals were so low) design payments will play into my unemployment benefits.

I'm doing the European record for Jonnie Whoa-Oh now... he gave me $100 up front (and $100 on completion), which is pretty cheap for a full CD package (cover, booklet, tray card and CD). Some band from Long Island wants a logo, which I asked for $100, and I talked to Marc Maron who wants me to coach his LA friend through updating his website. I never got a copy of his CD, so he says he'll mail it to me... I thought maybe it turned out bad and that's why I never got a copy.

Jon Benjamin and David Cross came over to record something with Bill. Oh the cable celebrities that come through our doors! Mo Rocca came over once... and Walsh and Missy. Bill gets around the UCB crowd more than I do these days. Modern Humorist might record something here too.

I *have* to do comedy again. This is just depressing.

 

[Dyna Moe]

I can live through anything

After hemming and hawing and horribly hesitating, I finally closed the book on the Joe Erg chapter for my social activities. I had been worrying myself sick the last few months over how long we were going to be together at not optimum relationship level. I probably started thinking about it in August.

We figure it's probably the Norwalk virus that he had over New Years. Joe O, his housemate on the road to divorce, has it now and Junior had it two weeks before. It was probably New Years when I decided I had to make a decision but popping a break up on a guy puking every ten minutes and, in his own words, "shitting water" seemed pretty low. I also did want to crap on him during Xmas.

I finally saw him again today, for just a few scheduled hours. I didn't even think I was going to do it. He said he'd be in by 5... he was driving Junior to DBA practice and would come in to see me. He didn't get in until almost 7 and he was very rained on and cold. I hadn't eaten all day (having scrapped my plan to go to Economy Candy on Rivington after seeing it shown on Food Network last night) and went down to meet him. He only had a few hours before he had to pick Junior up from practice and take him to Old Bridge. A pretty typical weekly visit from Joe... four or so hours and then out the door.

We went to Holy Basil... they didn't have any transsexual waitresses this time. It was almost empty. Don't order the spare ribs... they're a lot of money for not much food. I always order them remembering once they were terrific but every time since then they've been lousy. The food was good but $5 more than any other thai place around. We got British candy afterwards... a Curlywurly, a Brit Kat and Revels (whose package promised "same scrummy centres"... but truly the worst of the lot). I felt so close to him and so in need of him that i thought I couldn't split up with him... he seemed really distant and sad, so he might have known what was coming. Maybe Jeanie told him or something.

We came back to my apartment and played a little GTA. Not much. I've gotten a lot better at driving... better than Joe even so he didn't want to play. We watched the Simpsons. I felt good to be with him, I felt awful about what lay on the horizon, but eventually the conversation rolled to his upcoming semester in which he has signed up for an absurdly huge amount of credits (29) as well as a part time job at Honeybee Robotics. We both knew the paltry hours I saw him a week would probably not even be possible. He had mentioned separating before and I brought it up again and he agreed. I guess it didn't sink in really. We talked about it so neutrally, I wondered if he even was thinking about what we were saying.

Junior called and the practice was cancelled for some problem with their rehearsal space. Joe had to go pick him up. We were starting to get a little watery-eyed, but still talking and laughing and hugging. As he was about to go out the door, the moment broke and we were both welled up and sniffling. This is mostly my doing, he would have gone on forever only seeing me a few hours a week. He was happier than I was about it. I was mostly consumed with guilt about leading him on or using him for my selfish emotional vampirism. We ended up just repeating "You're a good person" to each other, a mantra each of us could stand to hear a couple million more times.

Eventually he got it together enough to go and pick up Junior. I packed up his clothes and CDs and videos to take with him. He had a long drive back to Old Bridge with Junior, so he's among friends. I think I'll just take a lot of Klonopin and play tetris or something.

It's terribly knowing that you have the power to break someone's heart and moreover that it's inevitable... looming. You're going to be the one to do it. My punshment is going to be the next three months of destitute suffocating loneliness with immediately replaces the all-consuming guilt of being in a sham relationship (which immediately seems 100% more real when its ending). Was it a sham or is that cynicism? I can't tell. The only emotion I have in spades are the negative ones.

Anyway, since I've tipped over that applecart I only have my medical/psychiatric and financial/career arenas to totally destroy and rebuild from the ground up. Choo-choo.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Ouch!

Time marches on...

My social calendar (by Fred Flare, a gift from Catherine) for January is getting quite filled up with barhopping birthday parties, kareoke events and open houses. Whether or not I go remains to be seen. Catherine came over on Monday after working at the co-op (but before babysitting) to support, encourage, and play DDR. She is quite a whirlwind at it, getting Bs and C's on some of the hard songs (I still am resting on my AA on "Peace Out"... it's a four-footer).

After breakfast at Sidewalk and telling me about another friend of hers she made a profile for on nerve.com, we made a nerve.com profile for me. It's like Make Out Club for adults, she said., and she's gone on dates with people she met there but said that most everyone she's met there has been really boring. Just boring conversationalists and having no opinions. And two different guys lied about being married before.

I wasn't feeling particularly clever about answering their "____is sexy; ____ is sexier" schtick. I was more concerned about having no good pictures. I put up one from Girl Crush as a space holder, but made a mental note to change it because it would attract either people who saw the show or anime fetishist nerds. I've grown to like some anime on a very limited basis, but anime fans... no thanks. I want nothing to do with any "fandom" of any kind. I guess I only want to date lapsed nerds or recovering nerds or something... not full members of the church. I got two emails right away (from nerds, one over 40), another later in the day who just wanted to know where I got the wig, and one who seemed kinda mad at me "I hope your not SERIOUS about attracting people with that wig on... it will scare men away!" I decided to just take down the photo by the end of the day.

Even as I look for some job of substance I have a great many responsibilities to other people I agreed to do work for. I started in on my cover for "International Language of Love" using the wacom tablet... I have yet to see if it improves my speed/handling over my old mouse drawing methods... the cover looks pretty shitty right now and I have to get all these band's info squeezed into the little booklet... a bit of a headache. I said I'd do a logo for a Long Island band I haven't even started on and Besser wants another postcard by tomorrow. Haven't heard anything on the Unlovables website, so that's bought me some time... they need to sort their web issues out.

I fiiiiiinally went to Economy Candy on Rivington after seeing it on Food Network on Saturday. It was ok... didn't really have any big surprises. Got my mom an Abba Zabba because she said they were her favorite candy as a kid and you don't see them that often. Got a couple UK chocolates and a sugar daddy (put that fucker in the microwave - deeeelish). They DO sell candy cigarettes and strange european licorice, so the trip was not an absolute bust.

I want to see the WPA show tomorrow... and Brett's 1000 Cats. They sold a German candy at the store called "Chocolate Cat's Tongues" with a sad looking kitten on the cover -- sadistilicious.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Riff Randell, Rock n' Roller

For shame... I didn't leave the house today. I felt logy and out of it and completely failed to make it to WPA Project or 1000 Cats. I just felt half-awake all day. And all the candy I eat is making my BMs extra gross. I still do NOT have Norwalk virus.

I'm glad House of Harold is being updated again. I read that one. Sim people are funny.

The building managers gave us a countertop the other day. It's blindingly white and doesn't match the other counter (which is very broken, old, yellowed formica), but we do have a counter on what for the last 10 years has only been covered with a stained broken sheet of plywood. They did a very crappy job installing it.

I wouldn't mind living in this location for ten years, but after that kind of investment I think I'd want to, like, gut the building and redo the shitty kitchen and plumbing and other half-assed repairs they've done to this place. Bill's already lived here for 10 years.

Nerve.com has become an ebay-like passion. I've gotten 20 or so replies so far... mostly from creepy dudes over thirty. It's tricky to get around having to pay for "credits" to contact people, but so far I haven't spent any money. I don't think I want to really meet or "date" any of these people, but it's constantly being updated and you get new messages all the time... a superb time waster.

I miss Joe Erg.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Bile.

Oh, and the NeoTokyo Girl Crush 2040 tape has been editted.... I called on MTV to have a meeting and I have to start dubbing these for all the various people who are owed copies... Then I offer the tapes to the world in general for $10.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Went for a walk. I wanted a Wendy's Spicy Chicken sandwich and the nearest Wendy's is pretty far. I went to the one on W 14th and stopped off to get toiletries. I checked at Virgin and the Duane Reade, but it appears the February Maxim (which I got paid $50 to be in) isn't out yet. Virgin did have a couple books of GTO manga, but only for ones I had already seen the anime of.

Wispa is an odd chocolate bar... with a truffle-like texture.

I didn't get shit done today. I really need to get out of his lugubrious half-asleep daze.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Meet the new show, same as the old show

I reread about 2/3s of Terry's Beverage journal last night... I started to get tired and didn't make it all the way through. He really captures the "journal" angle better than I do... little bit every day. Consistancy. I go on and on but miss weeks at a time. I should be at 361 entries by not... not under 300. That's shameful.

It makes a year seem so short, though, I remember most of the "plots" of Terry's journal when I first read them -- the Caustic warn wars, the BigMilbank "Morning Zoo" contract crisis. I'm glad to see that Girl Crush makes a pretty big showing as a through line in the middle pages, initiated by lots of people. So, like, our legacy is sealed there in the beverage journal.

Everyone on nerve.com says they're an architect... rampant Constanza-ism I guess. It would seem weird if its true... that nerve.com appeals almost exclusively to architects.

I have to get more TCB this week (and less TCBY)... so many things to do but instead I compulsively check nerve.com and play GTA (badly). I think I'm going to start over at GTA... I want to do all the side missions before I do the career missions. I've been stuck at "Cutting the Grass" for weeks, although I have found 20+ packages and started retrieving the cars for the import-export garage. I read a cheat and hints page and they said doing the side missions first actually helps you out in the long run.

I had hardly left the house this week... depressive funk and what not. On Friday I just called Brian to see what was happening and he was rehearsing with Jason Mantzoukas, but he said there was a Theatre meeting, which I didn't know about because I'm not on the Harold Team mailing list. I transcend Harold teams. I crashed it, but Doug Moe made me feel better by pointing out Jake was there and he's not on a Harold team. I've been even more estranged from UCB in the last month since I don't even work there anymore or perform.

The funniest thing that happened is at the top of the meeting they announced the birth of Milo Delaney and everyone cheered but up in the light booth Brian and Jack MacBreyer BOOED. They booed the baby! The meeting wasn't as bit-heavy as meetings in past (where usually Sean Conroy would heckle or something.... when Besser presided, most people were too scared to say any wiseass thing, except Secunda and Conroy. They are Besser-immune), but I think being in the less-familiar Chelsea Playhouse and on borrowed time kept everyone sedate.

I didn't really have anything to do, so I just followed groups of people randomly, which seems rather sad, but kept me busy. Optimist had reheasal so they all left... I followed a shell of Respecto (Paul, Dannah, Owen, and Rob Huebel) to Monster Sushi and then to Hana (Monster had a long wait). Respecto eats a lot of sushi, which I can't stomach. I had tempura udon, which was ok... I like tempura alot... the broth on the udon was a little gross and mushroomy. It was cool seeing everyone who I hadn't in a while, though I forget how mean people on harold teams are to each other.

The group walked back to 22nd St and ran into Jake, who I followed to McManus and everyone else went back home. I dislike McManus, but it had been months and months since I went last. Alex was there too, and Andy Rocco seemed like he had been there for a while-- smoking, drinking and eating pie a la mode. There were other people around... some familiar, some not... Jake was pretty sure the table next to us were either actors on the Sopranos or actual mafia thugs (I didn't get his meaning).

I had been invited before Xmas by a college friend (a friend who's randomly dismissive and rude most of the time) to a magazine premier party her brother was hosting and said at the time it would be really nice if I came... an unusually heartfelt request from a indie snob williamsburg type. So I went and Alex came with... the Cutting Room. Tremendously packed with an afterwork crowd that was ignorant of magazines and premier parties. No magazines to be found. I located the hosts eventually, and she was back to being bored and snobbish... said she was leaving because the room sucked. I left pretty much immediately after saying my hello.

Alex knew how to get to Siberia bar, so we cabbed it up. The new location (the old one I knew was in the 51st St subway. After playing laser tag two years ago when Secunda got punched in the eye, we adjourned there and took sticker photos of Seccy and his big shiner) seems very collegey... like a huge cement bunker warehouse that has been kinda "comfiated" with used sofas and random graffiti art. It had some good tunes on the jukebox... Jonathan Richman (but only the first album before he really hit his retarded stride), Elvis Costello, Replacements, a kinda crappy Donnas CD and for some reason Jimmy Fallon's comedy record. Who would play that? I guess you'd probably get a lot of minutes for your $.50, but I can't imagine getting your drink on to a comedy record.

It was Kate Dippold's birthday... I knew that much from the IRC. I didn't know a lot of the room... Charlie Todd subbed Girl Crush once (and I aparently gave him an office chair the year before I knew him)... and Brian Fountain was playing index reference toast master with his uncanny ability to match people's real names to IRC names. Later, presumably after Optimist rehearsal, Chris Gethard and Chad appeared. I was getting very sleepy and pretended I had a cellphone call as an excuse to sit down, but then decided I had tried to be outgoing enough for one day, and called it a night.

Note to self -- pay back Alex for cab ride. IOU $15.

 

[Dyna Moe]

I got a call from Catherine on Saturday morning. She was at Penn Station killing time before she left for Philadelphia... a spur of the moment adventure trip she was embarking on. She sounded a little unsure of her plan... she was travelling alone. Her roommate had bailed on her. She told me to come with her, but I wasn't even dressed nor had anyway to get to Penn Station in under 30 minutes. I would have gone otherwise.

Joe came over latist. I debated whether seeing him was a good idea or a bad one. His visit kept getting pushed back... he was moving back to Jersey City before school started again and had to transport his bed and other vitals between his parents house and his apartment. He seemed very sad and distant and I feared this visit was just him torturing himself. If anything, he got some closure out of it (he was pretty sick right before we broke up, so we didn't get to see each other much).

He wanted to see his friend-band-friends Charlie Brown Gets A Valentine at ACME, but we got there too late. He paid to go in anyway even though they already played and told me to save my $7 and wait outside. Some of the band members came out to chat -- I didn't really know them -- and they made plans for some kind of Ergs-Charlie Brown tour next year.

It got really cold, and Joe decided he had to go home. He walked me back home and then took off.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Zoink

Catherine came over for a bit and we went to have Puebla Tacos up the street (don't order the shredded chicken or carnitas again... yikes!). She was wondering whether it was more rude to ask the waitress for more water in English or Spanish. She asked in English. I think she's embarassed about her prissy Castillian accent... she got made fun of by her Argentine inlaws.

Then she knocked off like four or five songs in DDR. She really gets more enjoyment out of it than I do. I watched and then did one song pretty badly. I'm going to meet my first nerve.com love connection tomorrow at a video arcade where I will be required to demonstrate my supposed DDR skillz. I had a dream about a super DDR arcade game that had, instead of four directional arrows, like a massive grid of 64 arrows.

Catherine called my apartment a "turtle incubator." With the radiators going full tilt, it is very hot and humid in here. While waiting for her I fell asleep. I'm about to fall asleep again I think.

But I need to write! Why? 'Cause I'm formally submitting to MTV tomorrow. Got my editted Girl Crush VHS... got my release form... now I need to put the treatment on paper (out of my head) so my massive MTVbucks can start rolling in.

Things needed: airmail envelope/stationery, UK, Danish and Nederlander stamps

 

[Dyna Moe]

Taking notes on Maxim

We checked at the magazine shop next door. February MAXIM came in and I got cut. They only used 12 of the models, including 2 or 3 who wouldn't let them show their faces, so all you can see is their H&M sheer tanktop covered bazooms.

It's probably for the best, but I thought I was a good model. I feel kinda gypped... I lowered myself for a Maxim shoot and they don't have the decency to show me whoring myself to the world....

 

[Dyna Moe]

Don't steal this... (c) 2003 Dyna Moe!!!!

NeoTokyo Girl Crush! 2040 - Treatment


BACKGROUND

Anime is incredibly popular among a broad section of audiences, ranging from Pokemon-loving kindergartners to the teenage and college-age watchers of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim presentation of Inu Yasha and Cowboy BeBop. For the first time it seems to be on the verge of becoming mainstream. What's most interesting is most networks seems to be importing shows without really explaining or apologizing for their inherant "Japaneseness," symbols and cultural cliches-- such as the spontaneous bloody nose to express lust-- are being dumped on American viewers. We created NeoTokyo Girl Crush 2040 to get humor out of the unique (and often repetitive) language of Japanese cartoons that suddenly American TV viewers are saturated in.

NeoTokyo Girl Crush! 2040 juxtaposes the fabric of the "anime universe" -- these universal stereotypes of super-powered (but ultimately ditzy) teenage school girls, adorable animal sidekicks and giant robots with a very typical American viewpoint. The other appeal was to try and adapt the unadaptable special effects of anime to an unlikely arena of live performance. The abstract and signature anime style of expressing "action" was adapted to the stage using puppetry, sound effects and black-clad stage hands.

NeoTokyo Girl Crush! 2040 was presented at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in June of 2002 and ran for four months as a midnight Friday show. It gained a cult following despite its late slot, selling out many nights. We were interviewed for several game and anime magazines and were invited to perform at anime conventions as far away as Atlanta.



SHOW CONCEPT

JOSH PERILO moves to the amazing futuristic city NeoTokyo (as seen in every science fiction anime), a sprawling megalopolis where every rumor you've ever heard about Japan is true. Anything can be bought in a vending machine from shrimp salad to luxury cars. Video games and pornography are a million times more advanced than the rest of the world. The apartments are as ridiculously over crowded as they are expensive. He has come to teach English at the local cram school -- a school devoted to passing the incredibly hard tests required to finish high school -- but finds himself out matched. His class is made up of cyborgs, martial arts masters, demons, aliens, and super-powered types that are found in animes. In fact, all of the residents of NeoTokyo are characters you would find in video games, Japanese cartoons and comics. In his class is also the sweet schoolgirl SAKURA PINK, who immediately develops a crush on him and helps him transition to life in the amazing city where nothing seems to make sense.

The show is live action, with actors in costumes portraying the anime stereotypes. Monsters and animals would be created with a combination puppets and chromakey effects. Although most of the show is realistic in extreme situations as in anime, such as battles, the background would disappear and be replaced by computer effects done on a chroma key. Sound effects and random anime-style emotional cues (such as, a giant sweatdrop appearing over an embarrassed character's head) would be throughout. Only Josh is specifically aware of these weird things happening and points them out.


CHARACTERS

GirlTeam Sakura: made up of the leader Sakura Pink, cat-girl Sakura Aqua and homely Sakura Urine are one of an infinite number of super schoolgirl teams in the NeoTokyo area. They must balance the requirement of fighting monsters and passing all their tests, or they will be horribly shamed. ("Sakura" means "cherry blossom" in Japanese and is an incredibly common girl's name in anime. It's the "Jennifer" of Japan.)

SAKURA PINK- Ditzy and boy-crazy, she snaps to action when lives are threatened. Her greatest love (to his consternation) is her American English teacher, but she falls in love with almost everyone she meets.

SAKURA AQUA - Combining the worst characteristics of cat and teenage girl, her greatest shortcoming is her lack of opposible thumbs, making the use of her Enchanted Bow almost imposible. She thinks she is the greatest fighter, but is often distracted by pieces of string and feathers. She sleeps 16 hours a day and often enjoys tempura rat bento boxes. She has the least patience for stupid gaijin like Josh

SAKURA URINE - She very rarely makes sense and has a giant gattling gun for an arm. She blames her giant arm for her lack of popularity with cute boys, but her clumsiness is equally to blame. She always corrects people who call her "Urine," insisting her name is actually Sakura Sunshine or Sakura Goldenrod.

JOSH PERILO - After graduating from high school, Josh moved to NeoTokyo to teach English in the local cram school. He wasn't prepared for all of his students to be superpowered anime stereotypes. He's a bit nerdy and easily overwhelmed with the strangeness of the city and the aggressive affections of Sakura Pink. No one in NeoTokyo can pronounce his name.

MISTRESS YAOI - An evil and perverted woman who aims to destroy NeoTokyo, and also is in Josh's English class (even evil villains want to pass the cram tests) where she is the arch-rival of Sakura Pink. She is fueled by lust and has power over tentacles, which she sprays from her orifices. (Her name means "Hardcore Gay Porn.")

BAKU - A magic baby seal whose adorableness is only surpassed by his marketability. Baku is a shrewd businessseal who owns a vast corporation for licensing product with his cute image on them (in the stule of Sanrio's Hello Kitty). He has a secret mean streak that he usually unleashes on Josh as he is a stupid, ugly foreigner. ("Baku" means either "explosion" or "wild animal" in Japanese and is the name mythical monster in folklore)

BISHOU, POISON FLOWER DEATH BOY - Yaoi's partner in crime who never wears pants, he is as evil as he is closeted. He creates the monsters that attack NeoTokyo. (Bishou is short for bishounen, literally "beautiful feminine boy.")

JOSH'S FRIENDS - Carl and Hugo are the only other Americans in NeoTokyo. Carl is studying robotics at NeoTokyo University as an exchange student. Hugo is independantly wealthy and a slacker who spends his days trying to get NeoTokyo girls to have sex with him (in particular, Sakura Aqua). Together, they built the super-robot Otaku Mech ("Nerd Robot"), which despite its size and power, is as nerdy as its creators -- the only giant robot to regularly get wedgies from monsters.

 

[Dyna Moe]

EPISODES

The annual Ultimate Idol Contest is occurring and both Pink and Yaoi are convinced they have what it takes to be the face of young NeoTokyo. They each work on their own dancing, pop-singing presentation while secretly sabotaging each other. Their plans backfire when Urine, who had not even entered the contest, wins. Shy and awkward, Urine has no interest in the bikini calendars, ramen endorsements and TV appearances required of her as Ultimate Idol of NeoTokyo and runs away. Unfortunately, the main duty of the Idol is to keep aliens from attacking with high sonic blasts of J-pop love songs (the aliens only weakness... as seen in the anime Macross II) and Aliens choose that moment to attack. Can they find Urine and have her perform her superhit "Go Go Smile Lover" before the city is enslaved?

After months in NeoTokyo, Josh gets homesick for the US, especially the food. Team Sakura surprise him with a meal of "typical American food," but manage to somehow incorporate dried fish and soy sauce in every example. Josh wanders the street in search of a taste of home, but finds only bastardized NeoTokyo interpretation ("pizza with corn and mayonnaise"). His loud complaining causes him to be shanghaied to appear on an "Iron Chef" style cooking game show hosted by an insane and overdramatic chef who promises to kill him if he can not defeat his rogue American cuisine.

Josh needs to renew his visa to stay in NeoTokyo, meaning everyone goes on field trip to the serious business district of town where the American Consolate is located. He is unprepared for entering a "subtitled" zone (unlike the rest of NeoTokyo, which is dubbed)-- a subdued district where the outrageous anime mannerisms give way to the subtle acting of a Kurosawa drama. Not speaking any actual Japanese, Josh is forced to read the subtitles that hover beneath everyone he talks to. He is most disturbed to hear what Sakura Pink and Baku's real undubbed voices sound like.

Sakura Pink has a new crush -- the most beautiful boy in cram school. He is an androgynous, soft-spoken figure with windswept long blonde hair. Josh is convinced he is a she and goes to all ends to prove it. The beautiful boy turns out to be an agent of the evil Yamamba mountain hag who dresses in the ultra-trendy street fashion that bears her name (bleached hair, fake tan, miniskirt). Sakura Pink must assume the power of Gothic Country Lolita (the opposite street fashion in which girls dress as Victorian dolls) to defeat the evil trendsetter.

Sakura Pink accepts a babysitting job for a neighbor, without realizing the child in question is a superevil child priestess with her own army of demon ninjas. She attempts to entertain her in the manner of a babysitter (so that Josh can come over and they can eat all the food in the refrigerator and make out), but time outs, cookies and promises of an early bedtime to nothing to stop the violent battling. Under the child's influence, Sakura splits into good (Sakura Pink) and evil (Sakura Dark) versions of herself.

Like every long-running ensemble anime comedy is required to, everyone goes on a vacation to the beach to smash watermelons. Sakura Aqua refuses to leave her cat-carrier and must get over her fear of water, before an enranged fish-monster destroys them all.

A wandering samurai demon hunter appears in the cram school, intent on exorcising the school of demon energy with a series of unimpressive magic totems. He becomes convinced that the demon energy is coming from Josh and battles him.

For more info visit www.girlcrush2040.com or email danger@nobodyssweetheart.com

 

[Dyna Moe]

Liberace-Prov

For your reference and mine...

Monarchs of Great Britain

House of Brunswick, Hanover Line
George I (1714-27)
George II (1727-60)
George III (1760-1820)
George IV (1820-30)
William IV (1830-37)
Victoria (1837-1901)

House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha
Edward VII (1901-10)

House of Windsor
George V (1910-36)
Edward VIII (1936)
George VI (1936-52)
Elizabeth II (1952-present)

I am still seeking stamps, but managed to get some nice Netherlandish examples from Ebay. Right now only England is truly underrepresented. Should get some more Danish ones too.

 

[Dyna Moe]

Busy Monday

I had a busy Monday. So busy in fact I took all of Tuesday to do nothing and try and recover. Phew...

I had my first Nerve.com in the flesh date, which was weird. I initially started to panic when I realized I would have to ante up eventually and meet people in person. The first candidate, a grad student at Julliard, and I had been emailing back and forth for a week so I think the face time was earned. Some schmoes have one email with you and they're like "I know the CUTEST little wine bar in the west village..." Dude, if you don't know me well enough to realize that the phrase "cutest little wine bar" is about as appealing to me as "the cutest little trough of pig shit" then you have no business meeting me in person.

So anyway, I had plans to meet Julliard at Broadway City arcade at 2:30 (I had revealed my passion for Dance Dance Revolution and I think he wanted be to back it up). But, what to do until then? Going all the way to 42nd street is a real chore, so I wanted to multitask.

Our man at MTV contacted me and as ready to officially accept the formal Girl Crush TV pitch. She had already seen the show, but wanted it in a form she could show her bosses. We had the edited tape now, and I threw together a treatment (posted here) that morning. Problem, I don't have a printer.

The trip to 42nd takes on another stop as Jackie Clarke agrees to print the treatment out at her temp office on the east side. I go there first and trade a Pret house coffee with half and half for the printed treatment. Nice. Still had time to kill, so walked 10 blocks up to my mother's office at Citibank Plaza (close enough) because I had to give her some Girl Crush stuff as well.

My mother used to work for the government when we all lived in DC as a part of the Treasury Dept. Her main job was giving advice to other a lawyers whose clients wanted to go to Cuba (which ain't allowed) or had some business or assets or whatever in Cuba and they needed to get them. So, she's helped a lot of lawyers out of jams. She moved to New York and Citibank to be the in-house advice giver, so she does the same thing pretty much. One lawyer she did a lot of work for happens to be the lawyer of a bunch of Hollywood schmucks who went to Cuba and got busted for it (I don't really know the specifics), including the CEO of MTV. This lawyer, whose name is Mr. Popkin, is pretty much a friend of my mom's now and she's always talking about what I'm doing (because I am so "Hollywood") and she mentioned that I wrote on this pilot for MTV and I'm pitching a show yadda yadda... So Mr. Popkin says, "I'm going to see the CEO so I'll mention her and find out what's going on with the pilot and whatever." So anyway, this guy's going to be putting a squeeze on MTV for us... for what it's worth. I have to assume this is how shows of zero merit like "Skratch and Burn" get on the air.

I drop off some info to my mom for Mr. Popkin and also the Abba Zabba I purchased for her many days become. Abba Zabbas cost 6 cents at the movie theater (the prime candy was twelve) she tells me. I think Abba Zabbas sound like the worst candy ever -- peanut butter and taffy -- but she's happy to have it. She tells me I look like an elf in my little hooded coat and striped tights. Probably a storybook elf, not the badass Tolkein-style noble elf. I wonder if Legolas makes shoes (I have never read or seen LOTR). It's pushing 1:30 now and I still have to get cross town. It is BITTER cold outside, so I shake a leg to get to MTV, it takes more than 20 minutes.

Once there I meet our contact. She has me sign a release and I hand off the stuff. She asked me what was going on at UCB and I said they weren't planning on reopening soon. She said too bad and said she had to review our tape and write a summary and recommendation and then it goes to her boss, who also is a friend of Shannon O'Neil. So, score. But she didn't have an idea when we'd get an answer. I thanked her profusely and then made my way to Broadway City.

Julliard was already there (I got a bit lost 'cause he said it was near Broadway and it's way over on 8th), looking as he sarcastically described "like every other hipster stereotype in the audience at Luna Lounge" -- Buddy Holly glasses and a jaunty scarf. I had never been to Broadway City before... there was a lot of decor there for an arcade (the platonic ideal of arcade being for me basically "Chinatown Faire"). We walked around and found the hardcore dudes playing DDR. He complained it looked more like step aerobics than dancing as these very muscled juvenile delinquents went through a super complicated intense number completely synchronized with each other. They pretty much got "Perfect" on every step. They were sweating hard. I said it depends on the person and the next guy with dreds who came up was a little more dance-y, could have passed for a Savion Glover "Bring in da noize" number.

We had only been there a few minutes and said no more than a few sentances to each other when he said "I feel like seeing a movie. Do you want to see 'Chicago?'" Sure, I guess... and we across the street to catch a 3:00 show.