Life of a computer geek

What did I tell you would happen? Holly made too much money last year, and so didn't get approved for a lot of financial aid. She would have to pay an extra $9k this year and $6k next year. So of course she can't do it yet. So we went to talk to my dad, who put both of my sisters through college and graduate schools and masters programs. Holly called her mom today, and told her that after she found out how much money she needed, she went and talked to my dad and got some advice. What did her mother say? "Well, sounds like you and them have it all figured out. What do you want from us peons?" And then hung up. FUCKING WONDERFUL!

I want this woman just once to experience the pain and shit she puts Holly through.
Holly's brother Phil and his girlfriend went to confront holly's mother about the things she's been saying about Phil's gf and me. I couldn't care less if she talks shit about me. She is a lonely sad excuse for a woman. She only talks so badly of everyone else because it makes her feel better about herself. But whatever. Holly told Phil some of the things her mother said. (Keep in mind, I was there and heard most of it too) and when they went to confront her, she acted all innocent and denied everything, saying that holly twisted everything around. (which she didn't) So now Holly's mother AND father are mad at her and won't talk to her. The other day I messaged her father on Yahoo, and he didn't respond. Eh, fuck it. I don't need the drama. And keep in mind the only reason her father is supporting her mother is because he's scared of her. GROW A SACK!

I don't care. I just worry about Holly. She already feels like she doesn't have a family. And now this. We grew up so differently. I always had support and always had someone pushing me to challenge myself. She's always had someone to make her feel like shit or make her feel stupid. I can't count how many times she apologizes to me throughout the day. I keep trying to tell her that not everything is her fault, etc etc. This morning she apologized to me because my coat had cat fur on it. Like it's her problem and she should have made sure my jacket was clean. Which is sort of strange, because I never make her feel that way. I never tell her that things are her problem when they're really not. I grabbed the sticky tape and rolled the fur off of my jacket. No big deal. But talk about being a product of your environment. It's strange. And to think that her mother and father are actually angry at her. When all she tries to do is be a perfect child. So when she screws up, she's stupid. When she tries to go better and do something with her life, she gets no support. Now I'm starting to see why some girls stay in abusive relationships.

I think it's because they strive so hard for acceptance that they'll take it no matter where it comes from.

And that is so very sad it makes me want to cry. I want to burst through the door of her parent's house and completely lay it down for them. I want to scream and scream and tell them how they're acting, and ask them if they even realize that they have completely fucked up the lives of 3 human beings. I want them to cry and lament and beat their breasts. I want them to fucking APOLOGIZE to her. To them. To me. But you know what would happen? I would be the asshole. By trying to help the lives of 5 people, I would be the asshole. So I have to sit here and deal with this. Amazing, isn't it?

Sometimes I don't copy cool things I find to friends because I want to keep them for myself.

I think I have some problems of my own. :)
Wow, a month since I've updated. Oh well. I had originally planned on not writing here anymore, saving it to my machine and working on it from there, but what the hell. Might as well keep it going.

So far, I have gotten two more people addicted to bf1942, 2 people addicted to Earth and Beyond and 1 person onto Swat. I'm a 1stLt in my clan now, yep, second officer rank, and also to Co-Officer in charge of Training/Recruiting. I also kept the IA position. Gives me a little flexibility.

Earth and Beyond is a sick game too. I should learn to just stop trying new games because they sap my attention. Seriously, I think I need to calm down a bit.

Anyway, last night, I went and picked up Holly from work and then went out to dinner with my parents. We had a great dinner and then Holly and I went home and watched My Best Friend's Wedding. Nice chick flick to watch with your girl. Then she went to bed, and I played Earth and Beyond with Chris until 1:30 AM. Which is usually when I go to bed.

Her parents came over last Saturday, so we cleaned the entire apartment spotless, and it's actually been staying clean! I do the dishes every night, which means it hardly ever gets dirty on the counter, we keep the cat box clean, keep things off the kitchen table, hang up our coats, etc etc. It's a good feeling. Now I just need to get that computer room all cleaned up, which I am not looking forward to.

Had a new friend come over for a LAN party last week. He was a really cool guy, seems like just the type of person we like to hang around with. Although one of my cats did knock over a Coke right onto his video card. I ended up buying him a new one at Best Buy because I felt bad.

Not much else going on. Still sore from shoveling the 25 inches of snow we got Monday and Tuesday.

So that's it. Don't know how much I will be updating.
What has been going on recently? Nothing really. Normal Friday night, normal Saturday night. Sunday went to dinner at Grandmother's house because it was my mom's birthday too. We had a good time. The entire immediate family was there in my grandmother's tiny little apartment. It was fun though, aside from my Aunt's creepy husband. He's the kind of guy you just wish would stay away from you. Yes, he's a human too, and he deserves for people to be civil to him, but when he tries to tell you something, it tends to be something completely uninteresting, and he also tends to go way overboard on it.

Of course I'm going to give you an example! :)

He smokes too, and he makes a big deal about Holly him and me going out to smoke together. Except that he's a fucking weirdo, so it always causes things to be uncomfortable. But anyway, as I was sitting there after eating trying to digest, I asked Holly for a cigarette. Cue him to jump out of his seat. He said "Oh, you don't have any cigarettes?" I said I didn't have any with me. So he pulls out a pack of cigs from his pocket, and leans WAYYYYY into me, I swear his face was about 6 inches from mine. He says "My dad just bought me these. Want one?" OMG. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU HAVE CIGARETTES! WHY ARE YOU PROUD YOUR FATHER BOUGHT THEM FOR YOU? OH YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU'RE A LOSER WITHOUT A JOB! And please, please, get your face away from me. You should never ever get that close to me if you are not my girlfriend or my very immediate family. Especially if you tend to spit when you talk.

Yesterday, I completely fucked up my arm. I have no idea how. I may have slept on it wrong. Holly fell asleep on the couch Saturday night, and instead of bothering her and waking her up I put a blanket around her and pulled our huge ottoman over to the chair, and made a makeshift bed for myself. So we still slept together. (awwww) But anyway, I'm getting off topic here.

So I get up the next morning, I'm fine, play some games, clean a bit, take a shower, and around the time I got to my parent's house, my left arm was starting to ache. Didn't think anything of it. Though it may have fallen asleep or something. An hour later I was in agony. It was right in the fleshy part on the inside of my arm in between my bicep and tricep. It hurt like I can't even explain. Karen said I was having a heart attack. Ehehe. I told you how much I love my sister, right? :)

So anyway, I had to hold it at an angle the whole day like it was in a sling and not move it. When we got home, Holly ran me a hot bath and gave me some pills to take. Within 15 minutes of getting in the tub, it was completely fine. Strange how that works. I was in an extraordinary amount of pain for about 3 hours, and it's gone in 15 minutes.

Not much else going on. I feel for Punkydolz. I remember when I was in that stage of the game at about 16. Can you love someone at 16? I think so. The girl I dated at that age is the girl I still think about all the time. Just don't tell Holly. :)
I just found out one of the Generals who was in my Swat clan who was also in the real Australian army was killed yesterday in Iraq. He told me 2 days ago that all he had to do was go in there, do something real quick and get out. He said it wasn't very dangerous, and he would be safe and be home in a few days. Now I find out from his sister that he was escorting injured friendlies out of Iraq and he was killed.

I just talked to him two days ago.

I only knew him on the computer, and I only knew him for a few months, but he was a good man. The fact that he was trying to get injured friendlies out makes him a hero in my mind. It's tragic and senseless. Why can't the world stop its petty bitching and complaining and be human fucking beings to each other? Now this good man is dead, and for what? His family grieves, his soldiers grieve, and I grieve. All because stupid people do stupid things. Bullet holes don't fix things. They break things. And I'm sorry it had to come to this.

So I apologize if I don't have a witty anecdote for you all, and I'm sorry this is such a dark post. I guess I am a little overwhelmed at what a sordid state the world has entered. Things like this don't make sense to me. I want to know what the person who had him lined up in his sights was thinking. What did he do when pulled the trigger and saw my friend go down? Did he jump for joy? Did he suddenly feel regret? Did he think Allah will smile on him now for killing an infidel pig?

Regardless, I hope he gets his punishment in the afterlife. One death an affect so many people, even the people who never even saw him in the flesh.

I hope you're safe now Chris. I hope you are in heaven or wherever people go, and I hope you're allowed to do target shooting with that .50 cal sniper rifle. I know that was your favorite weapon.

Hug the people you love everyone.
So here I am again.

After that last post I made about my friend dying, I kinda felt like it was all pointless. Didn't think anyone would care about it. But anyway, moving on.

I did some research into it. I checked his IPs, and matched them against the IP of his sister who made the post telling us he was dead. Then I checked the IPs against a new guy who apparently was a close friend of his. Guess what? They were all the same. So unless they all lived together (through emails, they said they don't) I knew it was a big, tasteless joke. So that didn't go over too well with me.

I've made a couple new friends, and lost some old friends. Vince doesn't talk to me anymore, Jay has his own friends he hangs out with, Chris is still there as always, etc etc. Life goes on I suppose.

And of course, this wouldn't be a post by me if I didn't tell you what game I am into. Earth and Beyond is the name of it. Been playing for a few months. Great game. Don't want to get into a huge drawn out description, cause it really doesn't matter. if anyone cares.

I also started getting back into R/C car racing. Not the stuff you buy at Radio Shack. These are professional 1/10 scale race cars that run on nitro or electric power. Capable of speeds over 60mph. I have a Team Associated RC10 B4 Factory Buggy. The electronics that go into it are too many to list, so I won't. I found an off-road track I go to every Friday night if the weather is nice. Met lots of nice people who are very helpful. And the racing is great fun.

Nice to see some of the regulars still post here. Gypsy, punky, sugar, etc. Also nice to see the influx of new people.

As for everything else, I'm still with Holly, still have my cats and my damned bird, same job, same car, (my motorcycle got stolen though) etc.

And THAT is the end of that, I suppose. Maybe more later.
HAHAHA! I just wrote a huge post, and the fucking board ate it up. Goddammit. Not going to write that all out again. Took me an hour. Ah, life blows my nuts sometimes.
Moving right along.

Two big things. I am engaged, and my bird is gone.

Being engaged is no big deal. It changes your relationship in ways hard to explain. I somehow feel closer to Holly, and feel like the relationship is more important in a way. Like I said, it's hard to explain.

It's a nice feeling.

Spike went to a woman Holly works with. She has lots of other birds and keeps him in a heated barn so he can fly around all he wants and chill out with the other animals. I really hope he's happier there. I felt so damn guilty. I wanted to take care of him the way he deserved, but it was very difficult with cats. And I hated keeping him in the bedroom the entire time. So I hope he's flying free.

I got a second job at Electronics Boutique. The work is mundane, but it's kinda fun. The people I work with are very nice, and it's cool to finally have someone with whom I can talk about games without feeling like a total tard.

Chris came to me with a life-changing realization. I am proud of him in ways I cannot explain because it took me much longer to realize the same thing he just did. I am happy he figured it out, because I couldn't tell him. It's one of those things where when you're in the situation, you would never admit it, but once you figure it out for yourself, you slap yourself on the head and think about what an idiot you've been. So props to him. I'm happy.

I also want a house. Not a big house, not an expensive house. I am so sick and tired of a little less than half my paycheck going towards my landlord's Mercedes. Every time I see that car it fills me with rage. And there is a coin-op washer and dryer in the basement now. Coin-op. Meaning, I have to pay $1.50 when I wash clothes and $1.50 when I dry clothes. That's $3 per one load of laundry. For a woman who drives a brand new Mercedes and puts diamonds on her ears every morning. That drives me up a friggin' wall. Greed is a sin, after all.

I want to move to the countryside. I want to have a barn with horses and maybe some chickens. I want to simplify my life. I think I could be very happy like that, but at the same time, I am happy having a modern lifestyle. It's a paradox I suppose. There is so much to worry about every single day in society. Corporate bullshit, asshole drivers, bills, money...

I know I would have to worry about some of those things anyway, but I think it would be easier to deal with if my life were a little more simple. For example, I wouldn't mind paying what I pay now for a mortgage instead of rent. Because then my money is going towards my own property instead of someone else's Mercedes payment. I wouldn't mind paying a high electricity bill because it's electricity coming into my own home.

Etc etc.

I think I owe too much money to look into a house right now anyway. But then again, I am also going to have a FAMILY in 6 months. I'm going to have a WIFE. Husband + Wife = Family. And I am a man. An Italian man. An Italian man with Sicilian background. Which means I need to take care of my family.

There is a house for sale in Holly's hometown on the same street where most of her family lives. The people want a lot of money for the house and the location, but we could hack the payments. I need to call the bank and look into a mortgage. Of course, we can't afford any kind of down payment, so I think we would pay penalties or something of that sort, but I'm not sure. Which is why I need to look into it.

Ah, so much more to tell and no time.

I have so much on my mind. Weird dreams, strange things happening to me that only serve to solidify my belief in paranormal abilities, etc etc. Yes, I know some will roll their eyes, but it doesn't matter to me. I know what I feel. I know the things that happen to me. There's no other explanation. Well, I'm sure there are, but kinda far-fetched ones. :loopy:

I should go now. I need to go home and get some food and find out what the hell I'm going to do for dinner tonight.

And I think Vince stole my motorcycle.
Why Don't Any Of You Care?

Am I not good enough? Don't I deserve good things in life? Don't deserve to be respected?

You can sit there doing your own thing, making your own money, letting everyone think you are the cat's ass.

But you know that I know the truth. I know you are a fake.

I know that you snuck in.

We both know I would blow you out of the water if you ever fucked with me.

Don't be afraid of me. Just respect me and my knowledge. Don't treat me like a child again. Next time, I won't hold back from letting everyone know what you really are.

I have dealt with far more desructive and dangerous things than you. I have lived through it and grown. I don't need to allow you to patronize me. I don't have to take it. So your best bet right now is to shut your goddamn mouth and accept that you were beaten by me. I didn't do it to be an ass. I did it because you forced me to. You backed me into a corner when I tried to explain the situation. You acted like you were superior. And I bet you thought you were. But I guess we both know the truth now.

Don't do it again. I don't need to take it from you.

There. That's off my chest.

Want to know what a total uber-geek I am?

I've been working on a macro for the past few days that I can't get to work right. Last night, I was troubleshooting it in my sleep.

And I actually came up with some of good ideas. :)

Why doesn't anyone care?
Trials and tribulations

I still can't get the macro to work. I guess my sleep doesn't affect my creativity as much as I thought.

Last night I had a puking dream. Yuck. Probably because I was up half the night with stomach cramps. I know it's probably because of the food I ate a few hours before bed because it was so heavy, and I hadn't had much to eat during the day. But let me run you through a typical emetophobe's stomach angst.

You feel a couple of twinges in your tummy. A few years ago, even the slightest pang would throw me into fits of anxiety and nerves. Now, I decide not to let it bother me until I know if I'm hungry or not. That came from years of completely freaking out into a messy ball of teary-eyed anxiety, only to figure out about 20 minutes later that I was just hungry.

So, you relax. Get your mind off of it. Go play a game. Watch some TV. But then it starts to get a bit worse. Here is where it gets fun.

You analyze every step of your day. You think about where you've been, what you touched. Did you wash your hands before having a cigarette? Did you go to a store and forget to clean your hands? Did you touch anything on the ground? Was anyone around you sick? Did anyone around you look like they MIGHT be sick?

If you find nothing that could explain it, then you can start to relax a little bit. Feel your forehead, make sure it's not hot. Look at your face in the mirror to make sure you are not pale. Think about your favorite food in the world and imagine eating it and see if that makes you feel hungry or sick. Go from there.

If you DO find something during the day that you could have gotten sick from, then it turns into a war inside your mind. You tell yourself that you are 90% sure you're fine. But then the 10% seeps back in.

On really bad nights, I will force myself to stay awake as long as possible until I pass out at 2 or 3 or even 4 in the morning. On really really bad nights, when I can't even chew and swallow a Rolaid, it's time to wake up Holly, get dressed and go sit outside.

All of this over a stomach ache. Ys, it's an irrational fear, but a fear nontheless. One I have been living with for as long as I can remember. I cannot leave my house without a small bottle of Purell hand sanitizer in my left pant's pocket.

Working retail sucks, because you are always touching things that hundreds of people have already touched that day, 3/4 of them being children who carry the strongest nastiest germs around. 2 nights a week is enough for me.


I might have another job lined up. One of the guys at my second job (the retail one) says that he might be going to work for a game company based in South Boston. If that happens, he is in charge of hiring, and he thinks they are looking for someone to build computers full time. Which is my forte. So I have my fingers crossed, but I am trying not to think about it, in case it doesn't work out for some reason or another. But I am hopeful enough to remain excited.

I have to get out of this job. It is killing mw financially. I am making mroe money per month than ever, but that goes towards our bills and the insane rent that we pay. I didn't know that my taxes would be so huge, but for every day I work here, I end up owing about $50 in taxes. Imagine that. So I am screwed on my taxes big time. I must get out of here. Even considering going to my second job full time until I find something else. But we'll see.

No more to report. Going back to work and see if I can get this macro to run correctly. Ugh. I need to dream about it again. :)

Sugar-snit, you are still my online crush. I still think about you a lot.
I just got this in my email

1. What’s yer name? - Pete

2. What do you wish your name was? - Pete

3. How old are ya? - 26

4. Where, and in what type of housing, do you live? Live in a 2-bedroom apartment with my fiance. Rent sucks

5. If you have any post high-school education, what was your area of study? Only High School. I hate school. School bites. I took a couple of night college courses, and I knew more about computers than my professors ever did

6. Does your current job have anything to do with the above? Yes

7. What did you want to be when “you grew up?” Astronaut. Still do.

8. Are you gay/bi or have you ever “experimented?” Nope

9. Do people routinely think you are gay, even if you’re not? I got accused of being gay by one person. Then I told him I had sex with his sister. He never bugged me again.

10. Got any kids? If so, which is your favorite and why? No kids. Maybe soon.

11. Do you like being naked? Doesn't everyone?

12. What drugs have you done (if any)? Which was your favorite and why? - I used to smoke a lot of weed. Now I don't do anything.

13. What medications (if any) are you currently taking and why? None

14. What is your favorite beer? In a pinch, I'll take Miller Lite. But I don't drink usually either.

15. What is your favorite chick drink? Never tried them

16. When is the last time you screamed all horror-movie or girly-like? Seeing the movie "Signs" My girlfriend screamed right when the alien stuck his fingers under the door of the cupboard. I screamed like a high schol cheerleader getting murdered in a bad horror film, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

17. Which celebrity do you wish you were? Brad Pitt. He gets to have sex with Jennifer Aniston

18. If you were a Full House character, who would you be? Bob Sagat, so I could be the murderer that kills his whole family and then himself, leaving a note apologizing to the world for being such a fucktard.

19. Did you actually like high school? Only my last year

20. What is the coolest place you’ve ever been? Prince Edward Island. I want to visit Africa

21. Who or what makes you weak in the knees? My fiance, when she wears her black and white sexy underwear.

22. What makes you weird? I don't think I'm weird...

23. What is the thing you most regret ever paying for? Can't think of much. Couple of games maybe that really sucked.

24. What food makes you want to vomit all over the place? Sushi

25. What brand of shampoo do you use? - Pantene. Blame it on the fiance.

26. What thing are you most afraid of? Throwing up

27. How old do you think you will be when you die, and why? Who knows. I'd like to be in my late seventies, early eighties.

28. If someone killed your entire family, would you want them to die? And if so, die by what method? Oh, they would die. I have a good imagination.

29. What kind of undies are you currently wearing, including color? Black and grey silk Structure boxers.

30. How old were you when you first had sex? - 16

31. Have you ever had a one-night stand? And not regretted it? Never. I had a few "casual" relationships. Alright, girls on standby they used to be called. Before I grew up.

38. Do you think I’m hot? Erm, no. You're my best friend, sicko.

39. Do you think vaginas are ugly? Depends. I have seen some that should be in the Louvre, and I have seen some that look like that dude's head after he got his brain sucked out by the mutant creature from the Congo.

40. What is your favorite feature or body part on the opposite sex? Definitely a shapely ass, followed by breasts a close second.

41. Would you ever (or have you ever) date a stripper? Technically, two, but only one was incredible.

42. Do you honestly think bodily functions such as farting and burping are hilarious? Depends on the situation.
Wow, it's been a while. Good to see the regulars still here. Gypsy, SugarSnit etc. I'll have to spend some time reading over your journals.

A lot has happened! I got married, had a baby (Nicholas, 2.5 months old and cute beyond belief) bought a new car, got a new job. Things are moving along. We're looking into buying a house or a condo, but it'll take some time to save up a down payment. Shit is so expensive. Especially in the area I live.

Chris is engaged, which is good. She seems to be a very good match for him.

Holly is as beautiful as ever, and she now has the glow of a mother, which makes her more desirable. She fell right into the mother role, as I suspect most women do, and she takes care of Nicholas day after day with only minor complaints when he's had a particularly fussy period. She quit her job as well, but that's another story.

I had been asking the place I consulted for to make me an employee for years, and they constantly denied me. I put my resume out and got a call from a company in Boston a couple of weeks later, and in I went for an interview. The IT director was a cool dude, and we got along nicely. They called me back for a second interview a couple of days later where I met with him and the VP. That only lasted around 15 minutes, so I took that as a bad sign. I had barely changed into street clothes when I got home when I got the call and an offer for the job, which was a handsome raise complete with full benefits. Needless to say, I accepted. That was 2 days before our son arrived.

I met with my old boss and told him I was leaving, and he immediately responded with a job offer 10k/year higher than the new place was offering, and I turned it down. Crazy, I know. 5 minutes from home, and 10k/year more. How could I say no? Because in 5 or 10 years from now, I'd be in exactly the same position, making exactly the same money, not learning anything new, and working under some of the most incompetant people in the world. Not only that, but they offered me the position only AFTER I told them I was leaving. It's the principal of it. You can't always simply react to crisis. You have to realize that the crisis will some day arise, and you should do something to thwart it. In their case, they failed to realize what an asset I was. Not to sound conceited.

They settled on giving me an hourly raise to $50 an hour, and I consult for them maybe 4-5 hours per week. It doesn't interfere with my current job, which I expressly stated would not happen, so it works out. It's a little more income anyway.

So, on to Nicholas. Holly was not having a very good pregnancy. The added weight tilted her pelvic bone by the 5th month, and she was out of work on disability, going to physical therapy 3 times a week. She was practically bed-ridden. She ended up going back to work in her 7th month, but not even 10 days later at her next checkup, her blood pressure was rising. I believe at that point it was 138/90. Not an emergency, but definitely something to keep an eye on. She went back a few days later where her blood pressure was higher. They pulled her out of work again and started giving her checkups every 2 days.

The next day she had a fierce headache. Of course, the warning bells go off, and I called the hospital while I drove her there. Her blood pressure was 145/95. They kept her for 3 hours monitoring her and the baby (who was fine, trooping along like nothing was happening.) Holly had also swelled enormously, but her BP went down as she relaxed, so they put her on bed rest and sent her home. The next day the headache was not gone, so back to the hospital we go at 6:30 AM. I had been up with her since 3 AM that morning with her headache. When we got to the hospital, her BP was 152/101, so they immediately hooked her up to an IV drip and heart monitors, and started her on Pitocin to move the pregnancy along, a saline drip for her fluids and Magnesium to prevent a seizure because of her BP. It was a long wait.

My parents and sister came to the hospital around 2PM, and stayed around till about 9 PM. She was only dilated 2cm, so she had a long way to go. (Or so they thought) I was lying down at 2:45AM trying to get a little sleep. (I had been up for 24 hours now.) Holly called to me at 3AM and said she just didn't feel right. They had given her an epidural along with some furocet for the headache, and some cortizone since she had a slight allergic reaction to the epidural.

I got the nurse who got the doctor. At 3:15 AM the doctor comes in and says "Feeling worse?" Holly told her what was happening, and she said okay, let's have a look. She pulled back the covers and said "OH! There's a head!" You can't imagine the feeling. My mind and body went from 0-500 mph in a split second. I never knew my body was capable of becoming that excited in a split second. They pulled back the covers, and sure enough, there was a little round bump. Three pushes, and there's my son. Holly got through it without so much as a peep. They cleaned him and wrapped him up and gave him to Holly while they cleaned her up and gave her five stitches. He was 1 month premature almost to the day, so he was tiny. (5lbs 2ozs) He was pretty jaundiced, but otherwise completely healthy. Guys, if you are ready to have a baby, be prepared. As soon as the little one pops out, you get a tingling rush like nothing you've ever experienced starting from the very tips of your toes and vibrating all the way up to the top of your head. It is the strangest, most unique thing I've ever felt.

I made a lot of phone calls to both sides.

Around 6AM they wheeled her to a private post-partum room. We gave him to the nursery since neither of us had slept in roughly 30 hours, but that didn't work. Holly wanted him back after like 30 minutes. The very kind nurse came in and gave us some crash courses in feeding, general care, changing him, etc. They went over everything, and were very accomodating.

So we stayed up again. We had visitors. My god, did we have visitors. At one point the nurse had to kick everyone out of the room to let us sleep. We gave him back to the nursery that night and I finally got 5 hours of sleep after being awake for roughly 43 hours. It was definitely an endurance test.

He had to go under the UV lights in a bed because he was still very jaundiced, and he had to stay there an extra day, but he's perfectly healthy. Now he's 15lbs, 4ozs and has just started a week or so ago to react to you with smiles and giggles and cooing. Guys, again, be ready for the first time your child looks at your face and breaks out into a huge smile and coos. Your heart does it's melting act.

So anyway, that's my update. Short, I know, but it encompasses the important parts. I also got into R/C fuel airplanes, and I fly a 60" plane out of a field next to a mall here. Great bunch of guys there, always willing to help out. Been going for about 2 months now. Still learning how to fly this 75mph beast, but it's a total blast. I bought a larger kit with a 75" wingspan to build over the winter, and even bought some skis for my current plane so I can fly it when the snow starts falling. It's an expensive hobby, but also very satisfying to see a plane you put together from sticks gracefully rotate into the air.

So that's the last 2 years in a nutshell! Looking forward to getting back in touch with the oldies. It's been a long time. I'm sure Gypsy remembers me! :)
So our weekend was pretty nice. I went out in Friday and bought a big Radio Flyer wagon with rubber air-filled wheels to cart my RC plane around. The field where I fly is a good 300 yards or so from the road, and I got sick of lugging around all of the equipment. The wagon was the best purchase I've made so far for the hobby.

I bought another of the same plane I have to build it over again, but better this time with the right glue, good hinges, straighter lines, etc. That should get here tonight and I hope to get it done before the weekend. Holly is going to pick up some supplies for me at the hobby shop today.

I find flying to be such a release from daily troubles. When a plane that you built from a pile of sticks takes off screaming into the air, it's a sense of accomplishment unlike anything I've experienced. And it's also something that I can share with my son someday, which I think is a little more of a pull for it.

Like any hobby, it's turned into a disease. I'm constantly looking for something new to build, something bigger to fly, something to make it more realistic. My new thought is a WWII plane, such as the P-40 or P-38 with dual engines. Wouldn't that be crazy?

There hasn't been much else happening lately. Still trying to figure out what to do about buying a condo/house or moving back into an apartment. I think I need to win the lottery.
You know what pisses me off? Guys who use the urinals and don't fucking flush them. I just came in on a Monday to probably 3 day old piss stench in the bathroom. WTF is wrong with you people? You probably pull on your shibby like 10 times a week but you can't pull the flush handle once?

Was deathly ill Wednesday through today. Still not 100%. It was only a cold, but boy was it a doozy. I don't remember much of Thursday. I was in that much of a foggy haze. Holly said I had a fever, but I don't remember anyone taking it. I also somehow played through 1 hour of Neverwinter Nights 2 that I don't recall. Weird how sickness does these things to you.

I went to the flying field on Sunday and flew for a little while. I finally am getting more comfortable flying around. I really want to start building the new plane, but I have to clear off an area in the basement and level off the building table. I had no energy to do that, so I'll start it sometime this week.

I have a bunch of people telling me I am using too small of an engine for the new plane, so I am trying to sell it and purchase a bigger one. No one wants it. New in box engine with a bunch of new in box extras, selling for $20 UNDER retail and free shipping. Buy my shit people!

Do babies cry for no reason other than they're fussy? Nicholas had himself a total screamfest last night for about 10-15 minutes for no reason whatsoever. We thought he might have gas, or reflux (he's on infant Zantac) but other than that, he had a clean diaper, and free-movement clothes. I just held him for about 10 minutes and then gave him to Holly, where he calmed down in about 30 seconds flat. I tell you, the mother-child relationship is something I'll never understand. Sometimes he screams just because he wants her.

It makes me jealous sometimes. I wish that I had the power to calm him with a touch or a few words like she can. He smiles and coos at me constantly, so he definitely knows me, but nothing works the magic on him like Holly. I suppose I shouldn't really be jealous. She spends all day with him, and I get about 4 hours at night. I worry that it could affect our relationship when he gets older, but then again, I worry about a lot of things.

The best feeling in the world is waking up at 2:30 AM snuggled up tight against your love with no memory of how you got that way. It's like you love someone so much that the natural state of things is together, in each other's arms, so much so that you move there without any conscious action.

Amazing that after almost 7 years, she can still make me feel like the best person in the world.
You ever notice how women protect their bathrooms? Lemme explain.

I work on the third floor of a building. In the hallway of course, there is a men's room and a ladies room. So, inevitably, at some point in your travels back and forth from the elevators, you will pass by the door to the ladies room.

It's happened maybe five times to me so far. Every single time, the women open the door very slowly, kind of blocking the view of the bathroom with their bodies until you've gone by. Come on! It's not like I peek in the women's room to get a sick thrill or something!

So what are they hiding in there? Is there a secret lair full of electronic equipment tracking men or something? Is it a secret society where they go to discuss womanly things? I'm convinced that women's bathrooms are like Greek garden baths, with olive branches hanging over a fragrant steaming bath of oiled water, with strapping young men in togas awaiting their every command to execute with the utmost pleasure.

Or maybe it's just secretive. Who knows.

I set up the tables in the basement so I have a work area for my planes. I started building a new one that I want to have done by the weekend in case the weather is nice enough to go flying.

Played Blackjack on Turkey day with Holly's fam. I went in with $10 in quarters. I was down to $3.50. I got blackjack so I got to be the dealer. Raked in the cash. Final tally - $10.25. I guess I should be happy I came out on top. :)
My phobias

I am deathly afraid of throwing up. It's an obsession. It's a sickness. I travel at all times with a bottle of Purell hand sanitizer to instantly kill whatever bacteria MAY be on my hands that MAY make me throw up. I can't escape it. I can't make it go away. I can handle a cold like a champ. The thought of throwing up reduces me to a crying, panicking glob of quivering jelly.

When I feel the slightest bit sick, I analyze for hours. Where was I that day? What did I touch? Did I clean my hands before touching my face? Did anyone around look sick? What did I eat? Could any of it been spoiled? Could any of it just give me an upset stomach? How long has it been since my last contact with people outside of my house? (12-24 hours is gestation period for stomach bugs.) Am I hungry? Am I nervous about something? Do I just need to take a monster shit? Can I smoke without feeling sick? Can I drink anything? Can I think about eating something REALLY good without feeling the need to gag? Where am I going today? Where are the nearest bathrooms? Do I have a clear and quick exit out of wherever I am? Am I pale? Am I hot? Where's a mirror so I can check my color?

And on and on and on. It's enough to drive me crazy, as you can see. And this happens at the smallest twinge of discomfort in the midsection.

I am also on omeprazole for acid reflux. Last night I woke up at 2AM with insane heartburn. So I munched 4 Tums and went back to sleep. This morning I still had it a bit, so I munched a couple more Tums and left for work. But my stomach discomfort is not going away. So this presents a few problems.

I had a bad cold 2 weeks ago and I was out of work for 3 days. I can't claim that I'm sick again and go home. I also don't want to give in to this irrational fear and go home if there's nothing really wrong. I am tempted to stick it out, and in fact, I would, except for one small problem: I forgot my keys today. I have no key to the bathroom, and I work on the 3rd floor. If I needed to make a hasty exit, I have no way to get into the bathroom, and probably 2 minutes of waiting for an elevator. Not enough time. So not only am I scared half to death, but I have no way to get out of here quickly should the need arise.

I used to have vivid dreams of a ring that would only answer my question "Am I going to be sick or not" and have it squeeze once for yes or twice for no. Piers Anthony readers might get that reference. Regardless, such a ring would be worth all the fortunes in the world to me because then the aching question could be answered immediately, and I would know if I could relax or not.

Just getting onto the train took a monumental surge of courage. Can you imagine getting sick on the train? Nowhere to run, people standing ALL AROUND YOU. Strangers no less. I quiver at the thought.

God, I wish I could get over this crap. I have no idea where it came from or what to do about it. I'm scared if spiders too, but I can walk up to one and smoosh it and THEN get all heeby-jeebied out. I can't do that with stomach discomfort. I can't squash it and then get a shudder down my spine. It's here until I feel all the way better. It'll interfere with my job. My life. I sit here and drink coffee thinking that if I can tolerate it, then I can't really be sick. But the what-ifs always come creeping back into the back of my brain.

I'm phobic of overflowing toilets as well for some reason. I'm convinced I had some traumatizing childhood experience with throwing up and an overflowing toilet, but my parents have no memory of such a thing. So I've either totally supressed it into my deep subconscious, or I'm a nutjob.

I would readily agree to the fact that I'm a nutjob if it would just make this fear go away.
This morning as I was on the train heading into work, I decided to put my book down for the last 3 stops and just look around. I always bury my face in a book because, well, I love reading, but also because it's the last thing I have to myself before arriving at work, and fixing stuff.

So anyway, I put my book down. The train was packed as it usually is past the second or third stop, so there were people standing all around me. Literally a sea of people standing shoulder to shoulder. I couldn't even see the other side of the train probably 6 feet away from me. (I get a seat all the time because I get on the train one stop from its end point.)

You can't see much when you're sitting down and everyone else around you is standing up, so I looked at their lower halves. I started looking at how people were dressed, what kind of pants or skirts they had on with what color shoes, if they matched, etc.

But what really got to me was watching the movements of their legs and feet.

Through every acceleration, deceleration, sharp corner or bump in the tracks, every single pair of standing feet performed the exact same movement at the exact same time to keep the balance of their owners. And it occured to me:

Millions of people all over the world at any time during the day are participants in the most perfectly synchronized ballet in the world without even knowing it.
Another new job, another new baby, another new car.

We're having a daughter this time. And there was much rejoicing.

Hello everyone. It's been a while. :)