Life of a computer geek

I am a computer geek. Just so you know. I'm 24 years old, male, a Scorpio, and I enjoy long walks on the beach. Ha.

I work on computers as an occupation, and I work on computers at home. Why do I do it? Well I suppose that's not quite easy to answer.

I guess part of it is the enjoyment. I can throw a few pieces of circuit board together, and lo and behold, they'll do something. I like knowing almost exactly what will happen if I throw in a new sound board or plug a cable into the back of the machine. And when it does exactly what it's supposed to, I can say "See? I built a good machine." If it doesn't, then I can open it up, fiddle around, punch a few keys, and make it do what I wanted it to in the first place.

Another reason I suppose is because I understand computers. Make sense? I understand how they work. I know what pieces do what, and I know how they do it. If something is wrong, then it's only a short process of elimination until I can find what the problem is. It's gratifying. It's a sense of accomplishment.

I've also been doing it for so long, I don't know how to do anything else well enough to make a career out of it. I learned all of this myself, through reading, friends, online, or just doing it. Now people who know me refer to me as the computer master. I fix everyone's computers. Sometimes free. Depends on the situation.

But don't get me wrong, I am not the traditional white button down shirt buttoned to the collar with huge glasses and a pocket protector. I'm a normal guy. I have an apartment in Massachusetts, I have a motorcycle (2002 CBR600 F4i) I have a car, 2 cats, a bird, and a beautiful girlfriend. Guys like to look at her. Sometimes it's a compliment, but it happens so much, it can get annoying. She loves me so much. Takes good care of me. And doesn't mind too much when I play Warcraft 3 or Return to Castle Wolfenstein until 2AM. I cut my hair short so I don't have to worry about putting on my helmet, and I dress nicely. At least I try to. My girlfriend (I'll refer to her by her name Holly from now on) makes sure of that.

I've had kind of a rough life, but then again, who hasn't? My father was an officer in the Air Force for 20 years. he joined when I was 1 year old. We moved around a lot, and that kind of screwed up my sense of home, since everywhere we went was going to disappear in 3 years anyway. Have to leave old friends behind, make new friends ahead, and adjust to life in a new place all the time. Sometimes that proved harder than usual. But he retired in 1998, and we have lived in Massachusetts for the past 12 years. So I am pretty much settled here. But that doesn't keep me from looking for a new place to go. New Hampshire is beautiful, but kind of empty. Holly doesn't want to move away from the city. I want to move to Canada eventually.

That brings me to why I'm writing this journal. Partly to keep my head straight by pouring it out somwhere. Secondly so that I can amuse you all by reading my insane computer user stories from work, and thirdly so I might get some sort of insight from what I write. I read a couple of journals on here, namely the Fluffage journal from the 15 year old (who is both extremely intelligent and amusing to hear from) and Deluge in a Paper Cup in the Improv Journal section. He seems like a great guy, and he comes from Mass.

I have some work to take care of. And I need to find a paper I was supposed to have for my financial advisor tonight which has disappeared into the abyss that is called my desk at work, but I'll go on a little longer (My desk at home is always clean. Go figure)

I want to go riding today, but it's so damn hot. I brought my bike into work, but I might have to trade it in for the car. I hate riding without leathers since I like my skin the way it is, but it's too hot to wear them, and that makes me nervous. But all it takes is some Masshole to cut me off or a patch of gravel, and if I'm not wearing my leathers, I'm in big trouble. I'll end up taking the bike, simply because there is no better feeling than a rip through the twisties.

You'll find out as I write more that I am a total geek by traditional social criteria, but I'm also a normal guy with all the normal things. I guess I lead two lives. When I get home and Holly goes to bed, I can do anything I want. I can chat with my friends online, do some gaming or just fiddle with my machine. I DO NOT use AOL. AOL is the worst thing ever created. Try using Trillian for a chat service. It takes AIM, ICQ, Yahoo Messenger, IRC and MSN messenger and puts them all into one program. So instead of using 4 different chat programs, you can just use one for all of them. Try signing up for DSL or Cable internet if you haven't already. Then you don't need AOheLL.

That reminds me, I also build my own computers. Holly, my mother, my father and I all have computers I built. Whenever I upgrade my system, they get all my old stuff. My father is running my old motherboard and Pentium 3 700 (overclocked to 900) and my mom has a really old P166. She hardly ever uses it anyway. I am also building her a machine to use in school. She's a teacher. It's a nice machine. Not the fastest, but way more than they will ever need.

So I guess that's it. I should run and take care of this stuff before I go to the post office and bring my mom some 3cent stamps. And I have to mail out my bills. Ugh. I hate bills.

More when I get motivated.
I went home. You can only tolerate so much boredom. Since I'm a computer consultant, I kind of make my own hours, as long as I make the required 20 hours per week on this contract. So I can screw off for a day if I want to work a full day some other time during the week.

I CANNOT find that paper for my financial consultant. Holly and I are going tonight so figure out how we can buy a house. We're pretty set with money, but it never hurts to get professional advice on how to manage it. We also just got back from vacation during which neither of us got paid. So that was a small hit in the stomach. But we're alright. And these kittens eat so much! Their appetites are insatiable. And they're still fit and trim. The vet said they are in complete good health, but I doubt their mental health since they enjoy playing in water. I took a bath last night and Gizmo just jumped in. Of course, he shreiked and flung himself out faster than a bullet, soaking my floor in the process, but guaranteed, he'll be back again. Holly even set up a little rock fountain we have that spurts water out the top over rocks, and they use it as their personal water bubbler. Pretty funny to watch.

Note to cat owners: Compressed air cans are the best defensive tool for bad kitty behavior. If they're chewing on your plants or scratching up your furniture, give a short squirt, and they're gone. It's even recommended as a behavior deterrent.

Now, I have an IQ well over genius. I could have sailed right through high school probably a couple years early if I gave half a damn about school then. (Long story) I could be in Mensa if I wanted (which I don't) and probably could have gone to MIT and come out a quantum physicist or something. But I still fail to comprehend how a bird cannot realize that a cat is a mortal enemy, and therefore should not be tested. Spike (my bird) doesn't care. He'll fly right down onto the couch cushion where the cats will leap at him, he'll scream in fright and fly to the top of the doorway. This has happened countless times. You would think that he would have learned that the balls of black and white fur are dangerous. Especially considering that Cockatiels are in the parrot family, which are among the smartest animals in existence. I suppose one day he'll either have to chomp down on one of the cats' tails or just learn to stay away from them. I hope it's the latter, since I worry about him having a heart attack, which can happen.

Before I left work today, I got a call from a user stating that she couldn't get into the shared drive. I called her up and asked her what the problem is, and she says her shared drive doesn't show up. So I walk down. Apparently, with all of the brains we have in this place, none of them can understand the 6_1 format we have for logging on. 6 letters, underscore, 1st initial. I have sent out countless emails, countless memos, taught them a hundred times. And this woman was spelling out her whole last name, a whopping 12 characters. But that's not even the problem she called in about! She says her shared drive isn't there, when in fact, she wasn't even logging into the network! Of course your shared drive isn't going to be there! Nothing is going to be there if you don't log on first!

See? I'm a computer geek. To such a degree that it boggles my mind that people can't pick up on such a simple computer-related task. I suppose I'll have to send out another email, another memo, and hold another training session. God, I love my job.
Last night I decided I wasn't spending enough time with Holly. So when we got back from our meeting with the financial consultant at around 8:45, I made dinner, and then sat in the living room with her. We ate, watched some TV, snuggled a little, and then she says "I'm going to bed." Now, correct me if I'm wrong here.

She tells me that she wants to spend more alone time with me. So when I agree, and I cook her dinner and sit and watch a movie, and then 10 minutes later, she says she's going to bed, does that qualify? I mean, I did what she wanted. And then she cut it off way early by going to bed. Which is totally fine. A tired Holly is a bitchy Holly. And NO ONE can deal with a bitchy Holly. I'm just curious. What happens if she says again that we never spend time together, and then I say what about Monday night, and she says that it doesn't count because she went to bed? But my intentions were there from the beginning! After trying to figure it out for about 2 minutes my head started hurting, so I decided to go to my computer room, shut the door, light up a cigarette, drink some water and see what's happening in my world.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Around 10:30, I decide I should go to bed early. Start up Wolf. Right before it goes away, someone IMs me. Shit. Close out of Wolf. Oh, it's Chris. Good. He's a good friend of mine who only recently became a friend again. It's a really long story. But I won't tell it because I prefer to preserve his privacy and mine for that matter. It's kind of personal.

I will say that he's Holly's cousin though, and probably the best friend I've ever had. The problems we have had in the past have to do with him having a really closed mind about some things that people should be open to. And me kind of doubting the friendship because of it. I have since decided that he is my friend, and no matter what he thinks or says, he is still a great person deep down, and I should remember that everytime he gets my blood boiling. Which I have started doing. I don't keep my mouth shut, but I don't get offended quite so easily by him, and I don't really talk back so much. Mind you, I'm not giving in to him. Just giving us a little room to breathe.

So he says he just got into a fight with his girlfriend, and he wants to play Warcraft 3. (I got him hooked on it a week ago.) Now, something you have to understand about Chris. He's a computer geek, too. Almost to my extreme. He loves computers and gaming, he loves tweaking his machine, etc etc. He just upgraded to DDR ram, a new mobo and a new hard drive. It's a pretty good machine. Oh! And he also got a new monitor not too long ago. Anyways, after we became really good friends a few years ago, I would always be at his house or he at mine every weekend. We would hook up our machines through a crossover cable or a hub and just game all night. Unreal Tournament, Wolf, or my favorite, Starcraft. We friggin' rule at that game. We have gotten our asses handed to us a few times, but for the most part, we kick ass. So Chris has always been my gaming partner. Growing up with 2 sisters and no brothers, it's a good feeling. I know this is hard to understand, but since Chris and I have had a couple of problems, I have come to understand him a little better. Especially since this last time. See if you can follow, cause it's hard to explain.

If Chris is mad at you, he shuts off from you. Completely. He acts uninterested, he acts like he doesn't care whether you live or fall off the face of the earth. But I am certain deep down, he's saying to himself "I really care about you, I'm just hurt and I can't show you or tell you that. So I will act like a jerk to try and cover up my feelings, and I hope and pray to God that you'll still be there when I snap out of this." Which he always does. And which I always am. And then, when he finally comes back and pours out his heart to me, then I can tell him how I feel, and we're closer. See what I mean? It's kind of tough to understand.

Anyways, we're just now beginning to get over our last problem, which again, I won't go into. We have started talking now about every other day, he came down and stayed the night last Wednesday. My whole point to all of this is, if Chris asks me "I got into a fight with my girlfriend, do you want to play Warcraft 3?" what he is really saying is "I need to talk to someone about this, and you're the only one I trust, but I can't just come out and say it, so let's play WC3, I'll call you, and somewhere in the beginning of the mission, I'll tell you what's happening and we can talk about it." But what I'm saying is "You big oaf. You know you can just call me and dish it all out to me, but I'll play it your way because I know that's the easiest way for you, but you know damn well this is going to turn into a 1:30 AM 4th mission discussion." Which is exactly what happened.

Somewhere between the Humans whooping our asses and the Night Elves bashing our faces in to us barely surviving a Human attack to us finally kicking the crap out of the computer at 1 AM, he got it all out. What he said is not important. The fact that he got to say it to someone is. He's a tough guy to figure out. Once you think you have him pegged, he'll surprise you all over again. Which is part of what I like about him. Keeps things interesting. Never gets boring.

We are more alike than he's willing to admit. Okay, I'm sorry I'm going on about this. It's just that it's been on my mind. (No, I am not a homosexual, in case you're wondering.) See, friends have been a tough thing for me. I know I am a computer geek, but not everyone knows that. I am built, I played football till I broke my back, I can run faster than anyone I know, I ran a mile in under 6 minutes, etc etc. But still, no matter what happens, people just don't seem to warm up to me. I'll give you an example.

After buying my motorcycle in April, I joined an online message board. On it, they post about meets and rides. I went to meet some guys at the mall to ride to a motorcycle meet which happens every Tuesday. I talked to one guy online, and he said he would wait for me with the rest of the guys going. So I went. I met up, shook hands, and then we all take off. Had a great ride. Everyone stunting, (wheelies, etc) till we got to the meet. We stayed there till about 9 PM, and then we all went out to watch a local stunt group practice. Crazy stunts. I talked with a few guys I rode up with, and they all seemed bored for some reason. Like cold to me. So I just went off to the curb by myself and smoked about a half a pack of cigarettes so it would seem like I didn't care. But I DID care. And I DO care. Makes me wonder what's wrong with me.

So then every week since then, only one other time has the kid IMed me and said we're meeting here. And after that one time, I never talked to him again. We'll ride up together with a few guys, park our bikes right next to each other, and then he'll just go walking off to meet the regulars, and I'll be left standing, alone, next to my bike. If I summon up enough courage to walk over there and stand with them, they ignore me until I have no pride left and have to walk away. Yeah, so I smoke another cigarette, call my girlfriend, tell her I'm coming home, hop on my bike, and leave 30 minutes after it started. Sorry, but I am not going to sit there for 2.5 - 3 hours standing by myself drinking a bottle of water. It's like I'm being made a fool of. It's like I'm purposely being ignored. And I don't know what I do. I don't know what it is about me. I think I am a normal guy. Holly must too. She could have any man she wanted, no bullshit.

So friends are important to me. True friends who understand the word instead of just using it. And Chris is one of those friends. I think he sees it, too. Maybe he's just not as willing to admit it to me.

Or, maybe I truly am not just a geek, but a dork as well, and forever doomed to live a life alone and friendless. But I refuse to let that be the case. I used to be a popular kid. I wonder what happened.

I should go and do some work now. Everyone's complaining that there are so many things wrong. I'll fix them ALL in the next 20 minutes. You'll see. And after that, I have to find out what's wrong with this POS Dell machine they gave me to work on. Brand new machine, and it acts like it's 5 years old. I'll fix it up.

I must sound pathetic now. Maybe I am. What kind of a 24 year old guy spends his time on a fucking computer all night because he feels more comfortable there than with other people? Maybe because no one can hurt me online. Maybe because when I am on my computer, I am a god. Maybe because I feel like someone when I sit there. And when I sit with other people, I feel like a nobody.
Last night should have been motorcycle night. But I didn't go. It was perfect weather, in the high 70's, great temps, good roads. So why didn't I go? Because no one called me. No one called me or IM'd me to find out if I was going, or ask if I wanted to hook up with them. And what better way to feel like a complete moron than to ride up to an event alone and sit there alone? So I stayed home, and tried to not let it get to me. So Holly and I went to my parent's house to do laundry, since our apartment doesn't have washing machines.

So we get there, throw in a load of laundry, and then sit down to watch some TV. Buffy reruns. Good. About 30 minutes later, my father calls me in to his office and says "What's this?" I had installed ICQ on his machine two days ago so I could transfer files to his machine if he needed them. And now, he was getting the normal spam messages. You know, the "Hi! My name is Christy, and I just turned 18! Come check out my webcam now. Maybe I'm doing something naughty!" Blah blah blah. So my dad gets all pissed off, because he hates it when things are out of the ordinary. So I look around for a setting to hide him from everyone but me online. Can't find it. And he's getting more and more irritated. So I say fuck it. And I uninstall the program. And then I feel worse about myself than I did before I got there. Strange how you can get that feeling from your own father. Unappreciated. "Here, dad, here's a great program for you. If something ever goes wrong, and you need a file, I can send it to you using this." "No thanks, son. It sucks. Take it off."

Whatever. I was just trying to help. So perhaps the next time something goes wrong with his machine, I'll tell him to bring it to the deadheads at CompUSA or something and pay them a couple hundred bucks to fix it. Obviously, he doesn't trust my skills. Everytime something goes wrong, and I sit down to fix it, he gets all irritated and asks me why it went wrong in the first place. I always tell him that things eventually go wrong. That's why guys like me have a job. But he still gets pissy, and I feel like he's blaming me for whatever went wrong. Like I wasn't good enough to build a good machine. That's fine.

So on the way home, I talked to Holly about it. She just listened to me and let me scream and swear and get it all out. When we got back to the apartment, we put the clothes away and she made love to me. Sweet. Very relaxing. She knows me too well. Then I made us some sandwiches and scrambled eggs with melted cheese and ham, and we watched tv for a bit.

She went to bed shortly after. Then I decided to try out a new map I downloaded for Wolf. It's called Tram. Basically, the Allies are trying to steal a document from the Axis base, and the Axis have to stop them. I am almost always on the Axis, because I prefer to defend in my games than attack. I had never played the map before, so I had no idea what to do. Apparently, we won though because time ran out before the Allies could do what they were supposed to. Then the game server switched teams. So now I am on the Allies. There are 15 of us and 17 of the Axis. So I just followed everyone else around and killed people along the way. 5 minutes into the game, someone from my team grabs the documents. So I am following him trying to cover him lest he get shot down and the Axis return the documents. But he got shot anyways, and died. I killed the Axis who killed him, and then I picked up the documents. So now it's up to me to get back to the transmit point so my team wins. Two problems here.

One, I'm alone. No one else is around me out of 15 people.
Two, I have never played this map, and hence have no clue where I'm supposed to run. I don't even know who's base I'm at. So I start running around trying to find a place to hide. I jump into a room and crouch in the corner and start calling for backup. Explanation: If you hit V, a chat box comes up with a bunch of different messages. For instance, V - 2 - 2 will call out to your team saying "I need ammo!" and a little ammo symbol pops up over your head and on the compass of the ammo givers. V-2-1 calls out for a Medic, and a medic can now see a red cross symbol on their compass to run to you and give health packs. V-2-3 says "I need backup" But no one is responding. So I type a short message to my team saying "Never played this map, don't know where to go, help." Guess what happens? Nothing at all. No one responds, no one comes to help me, they all just keep fighting. Now, I am really good at this game. I can kill an enemy from 50 yards while running away with a pistol. My name is rarely not at the top of the list, even on servers with more than 60 people. But if your team doesn't help at all, you're gone. So I just ran around a bit till I got killed and then quit the server. That game relies on teamwork to win. And if your team sucks, then it's not worth playing on.

To make it worse, Chris wasn't around, so I couldn't talk to him. So I just went to bed. Watched The Score till 1:30 AM and finally passed out. Got into work this morning at 9. Only good thing about this morning is I got to ride my bike a little. I left it out in the rain last night because it wasn't forecasted. I felt bad.

So what is it about me that people don't like? Anyone? Can anyone offer me any insight on this? Why do people meet me a couple of times, and then decide that I am not the type of person they want to be around, and just stop contacting me? it confuses me. I am a nice guy, I can joke around with the guys. I can talk about girls and cars with the best of them. Instead, I am left with my thumb up my ass. And when I check this kid's away message, it says "Motorcycle night, riding, going out after with a bunch of guys. Home late." This is the kid that I met up with the first few times. He seemed cool. He seemed to want to know me. And now this. Fuckin a.

I suppose I shouldn't think about it too much because it's not something I can explain. So worrying about it is just going to bother me and won't get me anywhere.

So I guess that's all for now.
Today I have an MIS meeting. A chance for everyone to ruffle their feathers and puff out their chests and say "I did my job, why didn't you do yours?" They're pathetic meetings. The MIS director doesn't know her ass from a hard drive. And she runs everything. Strange. They could pay me $90k a year and I would do a better job.

Wolf has been locking on me the past couple of days. I haven't changed any drivers or anything like that. Although I did overclock my video card pretty damn high. The memory is running at 300, which is insane. Perhaps I should clock it down a little bit. It does have an active heatsink and fan, so it should be alright, but it may be overheating. I should also try taking the heatsink/fan off and putting some Arctic Silver 3 on there. That might help a little bit.

Didn't play much last night. Played a couple of games of Wolf on the Tram map. My team sucked again, so I left. Went to bed. Actually got to sleep around 1AM after tossing and turning for a while.

I also got a massage today. Maybe that'll help me sleep tonight.

I had to drive Holly into work today since her car needed some exhaust work done. So I drove her in, and went to the exhaust place. Same mom and pop place I have taken all of my high performance cars to. He fixed it up in about 20 minutes, good as new. And while I was there, I met up with an old friend of mine. We used to go out shooting BB guns together, smoke a little weed, you know, normal stuff. I don't smoke weed anymore, but I still enjoy shooting. And he was also there through all my Camaros. He stayed there till 11:30 one night helping me put a complete exhaust system on my 1983 Camaro. I put about $6000 into that car when I had it. It was a sick car. He was there for my 94 Camaro, and also my 98 Camaro. Exhaust work done on all of them. He was cool. We sat and chatted for a bit. He was having his 68 Nova worked on. Nice car. 400hp 350, 750 carb, dual cutouts into Edelbrock mufflers. Very nice. He gave me his phone number. Maybe we'll get together sometime. Not my type of friend though. Someone cool to tinker on cars with. That's about it.

Gotta go to the meeting and listen to everyone bitch and complain. More later.
Last night we went to Target to pick up a frame for my sister's birthday, something for her father's birthday, and some hairspray. We alked out with $90 worth of stuff. I don't understand how this happens. All I picked up was a sponge for 99 cents, and the frame was $9.99. I swear to you, she is cursed with a money-losing spell or something.

Tonight we are going out to dinner in Boston for my sister's birthday. I don't know if I want to go. I have to go, of course, but I hate seafood. I'll get a medium rare steak just to gross her out. (She's vegetarian.) I love my sister, don't get me wrong. I just joke around with her.

I brought my bike in today, even though it looks like rain today. It rained all night pretty much. I have my rain gear in my backpack, but it's a pain in the ass to put on and take off. The worst part is, I'm supposed to ride to Salem today and fix a computer out there. Don't really feel like getting soaked, but then again, I don't feel like geting on my rain gear and then taking it back off 4 times. And my Project Manager is asking me if I'm going. I told him I was thinking about it. I don't really care what he thinks of me. He's not my boss. Just a consultant like me. And my boss would never get rid of me until my contract is up.

It's also cold out there. Which is alright. It's about 70. I wore a leather jacket this morning, and I know with rain gear on, it wouldn't be so bad, but...OH, alright. I just don't want to go. I want to be lazy on a Friday, considering I have to drive all over creation this weekend. So I will sit here on my ass and play games until 12 when I can go home, change the litter box, wash the dishes and then veg until 5:30 or so when Holly gets home. Then it's off to pick up my grandmother, off to boston in RUSH HOUR, eat dinner, back home, sleep, up at 6, leave for NH at 7, ride 3 hours to Ossipee for father's birthday. Relax, sleep. Then Sunday, up, dressed, leave at 1, to Holly's grandmother's for cake at 4, then back home to put myself into traction so I can't move my back. I'm sure I'll be sore after all that riding. So I don't feel like tempting it with riding to Salem and back today. So screw that computer for now.
God hates me. I'm convinced. After all the shit I've been going through, something else has to flow my way.

You know I got the exhaust fixed on Holly's car yesterday. We were excited because it was finally back to being a car enjoyable to drive.

So today, a little change of plans. Holly went straight from work and picked up my mother and grandmother, and then came to get me. I drove of course, since Holly doesn't do well in Boston. (She got into an accident with my 98 Camaro. Long story) So we're driving downtown, on the Tobin, about 50mph. Hit a nice bump, and the hood just flies up out of nowhere and SMACKS into the fucking windshield. Windshield shatters, hood looks like someone took a hammer to it. I slammed on the brakes, and I had to look out the window at the guardrail to gauge where I was going till we stopped. Lucky the road didn't turn. So I slam the hood back down, which now won't latch, and drive the rest of the way to Boston. So now I have to drive Holly into work on Monday and call a glass company to fix the windshield. Pain in my ass.

One good note, her parents decided not to go to NH this weekend, so I don't have to go. Now I can sleep in tomorrow, and do some riding. We are going there tomorrow afternoon for a cookout, but I'd much rather ride 30 minutes than 3 hours. After all, this isn't that comfortable.

But it's a blast to ride. Learning how to do wheelies. Not easy. Scary. But still something I feel obligated to do. Weird, I know.

Now I suppose I should go to bed. Chris is with his gfu tonight (girlfriend unit) so he's not up for gaming. Only thing left is sweet sleep.

One more thing. I had a weird dream today. Ever seen the movie The Burbs with Tom Hanks? Remember the weird family? Well, the son, the weird looking kid with the goatee and the hat was in my dream, and he was chasing me. He ended up tackling me on some stairs, and we fell down with me on top of him. I kept punching him, but all I managed to do was knock his hat off. He had like super powers or something. Strange dream. I only dreamt it because I was watching the movie today when I fell asleep. Comedy Central baby. Thank God Holly called me and woke me up. Otherwise, he might have gotten the better of me. :)

Talk to you all tomorrow.
Okay, so it's not tomorrow, but close enough. Deal with it.

The glass company should be coming to the house between 12 and 4. So I have to leave work about 1130 to make sure I'm there with the car. Pain in the butt.

On a side note, why is it that women take forever to get ready to go to work? I had to drive Holly in, which meant she had to be at work about the time I would be waking up. Added on the fact that I have a slight case of insomnia and don't go to sleep normally before 2 AM, and that's a problem. Anyways, she wakes me up about 7 AM. (5 hours' sleep. God help me.) I get up, take a shower, get dressed and am ready in 15 minutes. Then I sat around in a sleep-induced stupor for 45 minutes waiting for her to finish getting ready. And then I get aggravated because she could have woken me up 30 minutes later than she did! But I am very grumpy if I'm tired. So that probably has something to do with it.

The cats and bird have no food. I must go to the store before I go home and buy them some supplies. Those cats eat so much it's crazy. It takes about a week to go through 3 boxes of kitty food. They don't gorge themselves either because they're still well-formed cats. Not skinny but not fat. Just the right size. I guess growing kittens need lots of food.

Cuties, aren't they?

I started playing a new game the other day called Battlefield 1942. WW2 game. Very entertaining. I made a server last night password protected so Chris and I could just mess around. It was also his first time playing. I tried teaching him how to fly the planes. It's not easy. I still don't have the hang of it. But it's still fun doing a torpedo run on an enemy aircraft carrier. We spent a good part of the night chasing each other around in planes or tanks or jeeps just having fun. I think we have more fun just playing together than on a real server. But we joined one later on. Played for about 45 minutes and then I went to bed cause I got bored. Bad server. Too much lag and my team sucked horribly.

I must sound egotistical, huh? I'm always saying my team sucked, and they didn't work together, etc, but it's true! In Wolf, you don't win if you don't work together. Get the documents, run like hell. But you HAVE to have other people covering you or you won't get anywhere. The enemy players (if they're good) know the places to hide for you to come running by with the documents and blast you away. So you have to have other people helping you.

In Battlefield 1942, teamwork is also essential. The other team was advancing on the island, and we were down to only one point left to spawn from. (computer gaming terms coming out) We only have two live guys left on our team, which means they had better get their asses to a flag and take it before time runs out. Because with the whole other team coming after you, you'll be dead soon. And if they take that last flag, there's nothing more we can do. So the last live guy goes running to the big shore guns to start pounding away at the ships. The other team took the last flag, and then ran back the other way not knowing where the last guy was. He had about a 50 foot run to go back and get one flag so we could all spawn again and have a chance at winning. But he's sitting there on the shore gun just being stupid. We were all typing to him frantically saying "Go get a friggin flag!" "Dude, RUN TO THE FLAG! WE'RE GONNA LOSE!" He just sat there for about 3 minutes completely numb to the world and oblivious to the fact that it was going to be his fault that we lost. And lose we did. Horribly. Next round, we all shot him over and over until he quit the server. Whoever thought there could be a case of Darwinism in a computer game?

Anyway, if you're into computer gaming, and if you like teamwork, I highly suggest downloading the multiplayer demo. You can get it at Then you can PM me for the IP and password of my bf1942 server I host at my apartment.

I think that's about all that happened. Except for a lot of birthday parties this weekend in Lowell. I don't understand big birthday parties. I prefer to have my immediate family and my girlfriend come with me and take me out to dinner somewhere, and then back to the parent's house for cake and presents. Simple, easy, quiet. No Fluffage™. (Props to Plutonic Teddy again)

Anyway, I have to leave in 15 minutes and get back to my apartment for the glass guy. So I will write more later. I will be engrossed on a bf1942 server somewhere for a while. :)
More stupid shit. The guy Holly got the car from never got the pre-insurance inspection done. $335 out of pocket for the windshield. But it had to be done. She is applying for a loan today to hopefully get her own car. We'll see what happens.

Not much else happening today. Tried to take a nap, but I had wait for the glass guy to come.

Ever notice that people in that type of profession are always weird? This guy today told me that he sailed through URI with a 3.8 GPA, took the police test, got a 97, etc etc, and he's a glass replacement dude. Now, I understand some people do work just to work, and don't care what they do because they hold more important things true, but in my opinion, if I had a 3.8 gpa at any college, I'd be doing something more important with my life. But that's just me.

Nothing else happening.
Chris and his girlfriend came over last night to hang out. He lives in Worcester, so they didn't get here till pretty late. We ended up watching a movie until about 11:15 when they left. Chris got home and we played bf1942 till 3 AM. Then my mother calls me at 8AM and says she needs her Volvo key. Goddamnit. I had to borrow it yesterday while the new windshield seated properly. Then I returned the car, and got in my car with Holly forgetting to leave the key. To make matters worse, it's been raining all night, and this morning. Struggle out of bed, throw on some jeans, get my rain gear out, fight with trying to put on rubber over jeans, get on my bike and ride to my parent's house. Of course, by that time, she was too late for her appointment and had to reschedule. So after being pissed for a few minutes I apologized, she apologized and then she made me some breakfast. What a sweet mother I have. I read the comics and ate and drank some coffee trying to keep my eyes open.

By the way, just for future reference:

Motorcycles + rain + wet surfaces + living in Mass + being tired = DANGEROUS.

Had to wake up before I went anywhere. I debated for a solid 30 minutes about whether or not to go to work. I don't want to be here today. But if I want to take tomorrow off for a 4 day weekend, I had to come in. Which I did. After my idiot adopted brother called my mom from jail I left. Quick recap.

When I was about 5, my parents adopted 2 brothers. They are biological brothers. They are both sociopaths. They are both in jail. They should never be allowed back into society. My family has written them off as family members, but my mother continues to support them. Yesterday I had to help her bring a 27 lb box of food to the post office to mail to one of them in jail in Ohio. And when one of them calls, forget about talking to her for the next hour or so as her attention is focused solely on them. No big deal. It doesn't bother me. I just worry about her constantly setting herself up for a fall. Amazing Catholic woman she is.

On a side note, that little smiley to left puking is really starting to bother me. I'm emetophobic. Seeing that smiley puking his brains out every 5 seconds is starting to get on my nerves.

So I rode to work, getting my gloves and boots soaked in the process, and sat down here for another day of mindless people and playing games more than I work. But it pays the bills. So life makes sense once again.

So Chris's girlfriend. She was a little strange. Cute, nice body, but too quiet and a little too shy. She kept picking up my cats. First impression wasn't phenomenal, but the stories from Chris beforehand are playing a part in that I'm sure. But she is cute. And Chris is a little confused on what to do about her. I'm trying to help him out, but there's not much I can say.

I also found out I can download new ringers on my cell phone! I got 3 so far. Ob La Di, 99 Red Luft Balloons and Hit em up Style. I use 99 Red for my ringer now. Pretty nifty stuff. I am starting to hate Sprint though. Maybe I should look into other providers.

The guy I share my office with just heated up his lunch and ate it. It fucking smells in here now. I think he was eating rotting cow brains or something. The smell is that bad. Weird.

I want to leave and go home and go to sleep. But if I do, the guy here will get all high and mighty and say I was only here for a couple of hours. Which pisses me off because my schedule is none of his business. Maybe I should play my Jane's combat demo or something. I need something to occupy my time.

Today, a users machine couldn't log into the network. I checked his account and it wasn't locked out. So starts the troubleshooting. He had an activity light on the router downstairs, so it wasn't his NIC or cable. I checked his IP and DHCP settings, all correct. Rebooted. Still nothing. I released his IP and requested a new one. Same IP comes in. So he is getting data from the server. Switch out his cable for the hell of it, nothing. Reboot again. Nothing. Wiggled the wires because that's a totally useless but obligatory step in troubleshooting anything. Rebooted again. It worked. Weirdest damn thing I have ever seen. He had connectivity, he had activity, all settings were correct, and all of a sudden it starts working. I'll have to file this under "Weird Shit".

Thinking about building a linux box to use as a hardware firewall/router. Never used linux, have no experience with it, never configured a router, no idea how to do it. But I have a P90 hanging around and I have the motivation so I may as well try. My home network consists of two machines connected through a switch going to the net sharing printers and files and software firewalls. A new hardware box would be kinda cool.

Buzz is coming down Monday night through Friday. I hope I get to spend some real time with him this time. Do some riding. he is coming down on his Hayabusa. Yummy!

Starting to get wheelies down. First gear, 25 mph, chop the throttle, then hit it hard, wheel comes up about 12 inches, I scream like a little girl and chop the throttle again to put the wheel back down. It's scary. I can't keep them going because even though my mind is saying "Just keep your wrist there, it'll stay up!" every neuron in the rest of my body is saying "WE'RE GONNA FUCKING DIIIIIIE!" and I think that supercedes my brain. So I just have to keep practicing.

2nd gear wheelies are a whole other beef and bean burrito. (Yuck.) On a 600cc sportbike, the power doesn't come on until about 6000-7000 RPMs. Which is about halfway through my engine range. (Tachs out at 14,250 rpms.) In first gear, if I hit that powerband 3/4 throttle or more, the front end will lift up anyways. So I am bent over hanging on for dear life just ripping up the road, and all of a sudden it kicks in like a boot to the arse, and the front wheel lifts about an inch up and before you know it, you're in a 60mph, first gear, one wheeled, 10,000 rpm screaming power shot. And it is exhilirating, but it can be troublesome if I just want to hit on it without being psychotic. So in second gear, it's a problem because when I hit 6k rpms, I'm going about 45 mph. And in my opinion, on the edge of your own personal envelope on one wheel doing more than 50-60 mph is not sensible. But sometimes you just have to do it. In second you can't just chop the throttle then whack it again. You have to physically bounce the motorcycle. A 1000 or above cc sportbike can get the front end up in 3rd gear usually without a problem, but 600s lack torque down low in the band. So at about 40 mph, you stand up on the pegs, lift up and jump down hard so that you compress the front forks. Then almost simultaneously, you hit the throttle so that you're getting on the power as the front forks are rebounding, acting as a sort of spring to vault the front end up. I have successfully done this once where my wheel came up about 2 inches. If I had hit it any harder, I would have been in a full blown wheelie.

Clutching is another method, but I don't do that because I like the clutch the way it is and don't want to blow up my clutch basket. It just means you use the clutch to slip it a little bit and jerk the wheel up. Dangerous.

I think I'm winded for now. Must go call the bank and find out if I need to ride there today after work.

Maybe more later.
I am back. I went to my girlfriend's camp in NH this past weekend to have one last bash. We went up with one of Holly's lifelong friends Dan and his girlfriend. He's kind of befriended me too. Which is cool, cause I like him a lot. He's a funny kid. And he's very protective of Holly, which is always a good thing. He says he considers her a sister. Which means any guy looking at her the wrong way will have a 6 foot 300 lb man to deal with.

Anyway, they brought all the good stuff. We had a HUGE tent. When I say huge, I mean huge. It had one main room, and two bedrooms off to either side seperated by dividers. So we could chill in the middle room and when it was time to go to bed, we had our privacy.

The first night we got there, Jeremy (Holly's brother) was already there with two of his friends and their girlfriends. Her other brother Phil was coming up the next day with his girlfriend. This was going to be a weekend to remember.

Friday night (the first night) was pretty normal. We sat around the fire, Dan drank a little, we talked, we laughed. We didn't get there till about 10PM, so it was alright just to chill.

Holly has been going there her whole life, since she was about 3. Because of that, she has made a lot of lifelong friends there. It's kind of like they're summer friends. They go up at the beginning of the camp year, they chill all summer long, and then Labor Day weekend they all cry and hug and give phone numbers and leave for the winter. Sometimes we hang out with a couple of kids from there. Sometimes, we don't. I've become alright friends with one kid Tim because he lives in the next town from us. He's helped me work on my bike, and I've helped him work on his car.

A few of her old friends (whom I've now known for about 3-4 years) came over and sat with us. I got stung by a fucking BEE at 1:30AM. What the hell is a bee doing out at 1:30 in the morning, I'll never understand. But to make it worse, I couldn't get the stinger out, so I had to squeeze it to yank it out, thereby injecting every last molecule of bee venom into my arm. Which still itches with a little red bump, by the way. But other than that it was a cool night.

Saturday, we went out to breakfast at a little place called Loon's Landing. My goodness it was good stuff. I'd eaten there before, but this time it was pure heaven. Ham and cheese omelette with home fries, toast and sausage. Yum. Afterwards we went food shopping. We picked up hamburgers, cheese, hot dogs, marshmallows, soda, booze, beer, stuff for s'mores, etc etc. basically provisions for the weekend. I never drink though. So the booze and beer was for everyone else. We went back to the camp, unloaded everything, and played cards for a bit. Jeremy and his friends were going to the horseshoe pits to throw a bit. I'd never played horseshoes before, but I agreed to go and Dan came with me. I ended up pairing up with Sean and we won all three games in a row. I guess I'm a natural at horseshoes. I don't find it all that hard. Find the right power, find the right trajectory, find the right spin to put on it. The rest comes together. They told me I should join the tournament. I decided not to.

After horseshoes, it was a search for fireworks. Dan wanted to stay behind, so I went with Tim and Jeremy. We stopped one place, nothing. Next place, nothing. Third place had sparklers. Damn. We ended up having to stop at this little store called O'Keefe's. I picked up lightning bowls and a color changing wheel. For $4. For the kids. I also brought a box of tanks I got there last year, and Jeremy and I had tank wars. We put 2 tanks facing each other and then lit them off about 5 times. It was kind of cool setting them off and then watching them get surrounded by smoke waiting for it to clear to see who was on their back and who won. I won 3 times. He won twice. He blamed it on the curve of the earth. We laughed. I set off the wheel and the lightning bowls for Holly's cousins who were up with her grandmother at her grandmother's camp. They loved it. Saturday night was pretty cool. We stayed up with Holly's parents and played a few campfire games by the fire, made s'mores and toasted marshmallows. The s'mores I made sucked because the chocolate wouldn't melt. But Holly's dad and I ended up making mountain pies. Basically, you butter two pieces of bread, put some pie filling on the inside, close it up and toast it in the fire. Comes out really good. Especially if you use apple pie filling along with some cinnamon sugar. Saturday we went to bed around 2 AM.

Sunday morning was breakfast by Holly's mom. Pure heaven. English muffins, bacon, sausage, eggs, coffee. Very good stuff. Afterwards, they went off to do their thing, and I went with Tim and Dan to buy more booze for that night. The huge dance was that night. The owners of the campground get a DJ and everyone goes down to the beach for a dance and prizes, etc. And I drank a beer. Can you believe it? Me, who never touches alcohol, drank a beer with Dan and Holly's father. I don't dance, so I stood with Dan off to the side drinking my beer and watching over her. I got buzzed. I started moving to the music where I was standing. They say alcohol lowers your inhibitions, and I never knew what they meant until now. I was singing with the music at the top of my lungs with Dan, dancing, moving, all that stuff. Holly was elated. She said it's about time I loosened up a bit. The rest of the dance was fun. I smoked my last cigar and aside from either Dan or myself intervening a couple of times with overconfident guys and my girlfriend, it was a good time. See? My girflriend's looks are sometimes a nuisance. Sometimes I say I wish she wasn't as hot as she is, but that would be a complete lie. :)

After the dance we went back to the camp and started a fire. We played a couple of games including riddles I love telling. I need to find some more to give. Anyway, we sat around for a bit, and then Dan decided he wanted some steak tips. So we have to fire up the grill. Only problem there is, I am the only sober one there. And grills with drunks people around don't mix. So I told Dan I would light the grill and then he could cook the steak. Open up the lid, light the long lighter, stick my head over the top, put lighter in hole at bottom, reach to turn on the burner, and...


Someone had left the burners on low from earlier when they cooked breakfast. Singed my eyelashes halfway down and burned my lips. Oh well. No lasting damage. I'm lucky I walked away with fingers and eyes attached. And the steak tips were good.

Monday we just kind of hung out, played cards, cleaned up, packed up the tent, burned the extra trash, etc.

I was looking forward to last night. Holly had her period for a week before we left, and it was done the night we got up there. No sex for almost 2 weeks! Last night was going to be a goooood time. And our neighbors are gone for the week too, so we could be as loud as we wanted. I was excited. I had this whole plan layed out for candles, music, bath, choclate slivers, everything. And about 20 minutes before we got home, Holly got a migraine. Now, automatically, I'm in boyfriend mode, rubbing her back, getting her aspirin, running her a bubble bath, getting her into bed, rubbing her head. But damn was I disappointed. Hopefully tonight we'll get some good time in.

This just in: A huge log just fell off of the tree in front of my work building and hit a car. Fun. Cops are here now. I offered to call a couple of laborers to cut up the log, but the cop said the city would come and do it. Fine by me.

More later.
Well, I didn't get lucky last night either. These headaches really do a number on her. She was still sore last night. Not like it would have mattered anyways. Buzz calls me up and tells me he's waiting for me at the gas station down the street from my house to go to dinner in Boston. I say I haven't gotten paid in two weeks, so I have no cash. He says no problem. I jump in the shower. Then I remember I'm the only one with keys to the apartment, and Holly isn't home yet. So I called Chris and chilled out until she got home. Saved by Chris once again.

We ended up going out to dinner at the No Name Restaurant in Boston. Nice place. Had a lobster. And an O'Douls. That's what I drink when I want a beer. They also served us fried shrimp and scallops with french fries and garlic bread. Not bad for $40 for the two of us. We just chilled out and talked.

Afterward, he needed to go to South Station to pick up a package sent from his home office in NY. So we had to ride through downtown Boston in the rain looking for this place. We finally found where we were supposed to pick up the package, and we parked our bikes. I stayed there because we were in a shady area, and didn't want anything to happen to our bikes. Ended up taking him 45 minutes. Then we rode home.

I sat with Holly for a bit rubbing her back and then she went to bed. Played BF1942 with Chris for a while. Then I went to bed. There's a Rusted Root concert coming to his college this month. Yes, I'm definitely going. Although I hate concerts, Rusted Root rocks.

And, by the way,


Yep, Chris is 21. Scary. Now he can buy his own booze. I'm telling you guys, PH33R TH3 21 AG3 OF CHR15.

I hope he's up for gaming today when I get home.

Now, I suppose it's a good time to tell you all about my computer. Now that you know a little more about me, I can get into it. First, I'll give you the specs.

Antec SX1030b black server case
Enermax 350w power supply
Asus A7V333 mobo
AMD Athlon XP1800+ 1.53 GHz processor
Alpha PAL8045 heatsink
Arctic Silver3 thermal grease
1 GB of PC2100 Crucial DDR ram
Asus V7700 GeForce2 GTS 64mb deluxe
Promise FastTrack TX2 RAID controller
2 60gb Maxtors in RAID0 striping (120gb in 6 uneven partitions)
1 40gb Maxtor for weekly backups
LiteOn 24x10x40 CDRW
Pioneer 16x slot-load DVD drive
Asus iPanel
Sound Blaster Audigy Platinum sound card
Klipsch ProMedia 5.1 THX qualified speakers
Logitech Cordless black keyboard and mouse
Viewsonic A90f 19" Flat Screen monitor
And a few other goodies, but that's pretty much it.

I have 5gb strictly for Windows XP and Office XP. That's my C: partition. D: is about 25 gigs for applications. All other installed programs go there. E: is my storage drive. 50 gb. All my saved games, copies of games and operating systems, backups, personal stuff etc goes there. F: is my games drive. 40 gb. I have 2 other very small partitions I used to use for swap until I started using ram for swapping. Just haven't gotten around to getting them back into the array. They're so small it wouldn't make a difference anyways. Maybe 500 mb. G: and H: are my CDRW and DVD rom drives. And finally, J: is my backup drive, where my computer's brain gets backed up once a week just in case.

I had a Seagate drive a couple years ago where I kept everything. Then it crashed. Everything was gone. It happened while I was using Partition Magic 6. That's why I bought Partition Magic 7. I don't trust 6 at all.

Now, I have kind of a connection with my machine. I gave it life! Now when you think about it, that's kind of amazing. I had to order all of the parts, most of which came in different boxes. When you unpack everything, all you have is a bunch of little pieces of silicon, plastic and metal. Then, through my burning of calories, through my diligence and through my intervention, now all of those parts came together to create a living machine. Something through which electricity flows. Through which I have access to the planet. Something that depends on me for its well-being. Something that gives me comfort and a purpose.

If something goes wrong, then it's my job to fix her. When I came back from NH this past weekend, all I wanted to do when I walked in the door was move the mouse around to turn the monitor on, and make sure everything was alright. After I see everything is running, I can go and unpack the clothes and do the garbage, etc.

It's a friend. Something that accepts me no matter who I am.

But that's borderline sociopathic.

On a side note, I really have to upgrade my video card. If there's smoke on the screen in front of me in bf1942, it gets very choppy. Would love an Asus GF4 Ti4600, but they're expensive. Like $400 expensive. Too much for now.

Have to go do work before I go home and wait for FedEx to come pick up this package.
I know I haven't posted in a while, but my computer has died. Yes indeed. The past 2.5 days have seen major work on my end trying to get it right again. Explanation coming for all the computer-savvy out there.

I bought an Asus A7V333 motherboard about a month ago. When I switched to the new board, it had all kinds of problems. I installed the newest 4in1s along with the newest usb 2.0 drivers. The machine went crazy. Locking up, hanging, sound crackling, blue screens, etc. Can't uninstall 4in1s. Decide to reinstall Windows, since it's about time for it anyways.

Boot off WinXP cd. Format C:, install Windows. This partition is not a Windows XP compatible partition. wtf? I just formatted it NTFS. No way around it. So I killed my array, and redefined it. Back into Windows setup. Now it will install, but it says a lot of files can't be read off the CD. I click browse, and I still have all my partitions with all my data. So I use the XP backup to get the files the CD says it can't read. Windows starts up.

Try to load up OfficeXP. Now it says it can't read a bunch of files off the CD again. Use the hard drive backup again, no dice. Still can't read the cab files. Sound card won't install, newly installed programs won't run. Shut down. Reset BIOS, restart, same thing.

Finally get pissed and throw in my old mobo. Same things. Reinstall Windows again with my old mobo. Same problems. Can't read anything, files corrupt, installed proggies won't run, etc etc. Finally got pissed off and said fuck it, and killed the array.

Rebuilt it, deleted all partitions. Formatted. NO data on anything. Just one huge 120gb drive. (Do you have any idea how long it takes to format 120gb?) Install Windows. No file read errors this time. Windows is up. Install Office. No file read errors this time. Install PM7, partition my drives. Rebooted, comes back up, but all the partitions are the wrong size. Resize them all again, reboot. PM7 makes all changes, reboot. BLUE SCREEN. "Please run chkdisk /F. Reboot in safe mode, blue screen, Boot up last known good, blue screen. Nothing works again. And that's where it stands. At 2 AM, I shut the damn thing off and went to bed. I'll deal with it today when I get home.

But I don't understand how the problem could have translated to the old board, even with a fresh Windows Install. There must have been some data in the array somewhere that was corrupting everything, because it all worked only after I deleted the array and formatted the drive. I mean, PM7 fucked everything up anyway, but before that, it was perfect. No errors at all.

I'll try again when I get home today. I'm just glad I did a full backup of all my stuff a week before all this happened. All of my critical data is sitting on a nice 28gb backup.bkf on my extra 40gb drive. And it got backed up about 5 days before this happened. So now I want to go home and try all over again. But I need a new partition software so PM7 doesn't mess up my stuff again. I am losing faith in PowerQuest very quickly.

Not much else going on. Chris and Jeremy are coming over Wednesday night for a Thursday of gaming. Ooooh, I'd better get my computer up and running before that.
How was my weekend? I got paid. After all is said and done with paying my father back and paying bills, I have about $700 leftover. How was everything else? SUCKED!

It took me 2 days to complete my computer because some fucked up 1 or 0 was screwing with my raid array and corrupting every file that I tried to send through the system. Fuxx0red as we say in the computer world. So I had to perform what’s called a wipe, where a program write random 1s and 0s all over your disk and then deletes them three times. Do you have any clue how long it takes to do that to 120 gigabytes of disk space? A LONG time! But it’s about 70% done now. Just praising God that I scheduled weekly backups about 2 weeks before it happened. So I didn’t lose any important files. On top of which, I had the day from hell! I got yelled at by a co-worker (put him in his place) and my car fucking got towed from the registry for parking illegally. I screamed at the woman on the phone because they left me and Holly stranded 5 towns away from home without my cell phone, wallet, cigarettes or change. I ended up having to wait 45 minutes for my mother to come and pick us up, then my sister had to take us to get the car. And then the guy at the tow yard had the fucking audacity to tell me not to yell at his dispatcher. I had a field day with him. I was ready to throw a goddamn rock through his eyeball. I told him I wouldn’t mind if someone had come in to tell me they were towing my car, and given me a ride to the tow yard. Instead, he left me stranded 5 towns away, leaving me with nothing but a nice gentleman with 2 cigarettes for us and a cell phone to call them, and then charge me $100 for THEIR FUCKING INCONVENIENCE!!!! So, tonight, $150 poorer, I am somewhat calmer, but still boiling over with rage and hatred for the sordid state to which this world is coming. What kind of human would do that to another person? It boggles the mind.

Anyways, I need to see if Holly needs anything else (she has a migraine) and finish up my computer before Chris calls me.
I'm here Teddy. Just haven't had a lot of time to myself as of late. And yes, you definitely should email me. We still have a lot to talk about.

Reading through my last couple of posts, I should update a few things.

My computer is done. I went back to the old board, and just started fresh. But it's kind of better this way since I learned so much from the first time I set up my computer. You get to learn what you could have improved on, and what you would have changed if you had it to do over again. Which I did. So I got to change everything around, and now it's much smoother. All of the partitions are the same, except now everything is installed exactly how I want it, and there's no un-needed software or drivers installed. It's all a nice fresh clean computer. Which makes me happy.

I also bought a new car last week. Last Tuesday I signed the papers and brought them a check from my credit union for a lot of money and picked up the keys to my 2002 Acura RSX. (Look on if you're interested.) I'll have pictures up soon. I drove a 1998 Z28 for three years, and it was not a practical car. I LOVED it, and I still wish I had it back, but for now, it's not right. Poor gas mileage, bad in the snow, too much car for Holly, etc etc. (No not a sexist comment, just truth.) So I wanted something that was safer than that POS Hyundai she drove, and something that was sporty and quick and looked nice. So that's what we decided on. It's sporty and powerful enough for me, and it's safe enough for her, which was the main reason I bought the car. So now I feel a bit better about her driving around. I absolutely love this car. Trying to figure out how to put in my amps and subs and speakers while keeping the stock stereo deck so I can keep the cool red lighted theme and night. I'll figure it out.

On another note, Holly's brother Jeremy might be coming to live with us for a bit. How do I feel about that?

LAN party whenever he's there
Friend to chill with and talk computers and women
HUGE break on bills

Could go horribly wrong
Their mother is gonna be pissed when she finds out
I don't want to fight with anyone over rent if he's late

So, I guess I am indifferent. If he needs me, he knows he can come whenever he wants. I just don't want to see it turn into a war with anyone. Especially not us. Our friendship has kind of been on the back burner since I started dating his sister, and I don't want to lose what shred of friendship we have go south of the border. Oh well.

Holly has been to the doctor numerous times for her headaches, and the neurologist seems to think it's her neck being out of alignment, therefore pulling on her neck muscles, and giving her the headaches. He gave her some exercises to try and also scheduled her for Physical Therapy. Hopefull they'll get better. She is not pleasant to be around when she's sick. I love her of course, and I would always be there when she needs me, but something about tears and complaints every single night that kind of gets you to wits end. But I'm not complaining. I love her. I have to support her. And I don't mind doing it.

But then again, there lies the inevitable war between women and men. The fact that women are always complaining about equality and the amount of work they do and they never get any help, when in fact, the women are the ones with the most important weapon of all the time. The one thing women have forgotten they have where if they remembered it, they would rule the world of men. Anybody care to take a guess?


Women have the control guys. Just accept that fact, and the world would be a much happier place. Women control our emotions, they control our penises, and they control our lives. Even if you don't admit it, even if you are the manliest man of manly men. (Read it again if it didn't make sense.) Think about it closely.

Pop quiz, hot shot. You're on the couch watching football and you're wicked into it, your team is losing, and all of a sudden, she asks you to get up and vacuum the floors. What do you do? What do you do? Well hell, it's simple. You get your ass up and vacuum the floors like the good little bitch you are. Why? Simple. They have the control. They have ability to store these little tidbits of information, and bring them up whenever they need to. And there's no rules for redundancy with women. They've even developed the uncanny ability to use the same tidbits TWICE in the same discussion. Women have the power. Fear them.

You have to get up and vacuum. Because if you don't, what will happen?

She does all the work
You never help
She does everything while you watch TV
You'll feel like an ass. (Trust me)

So, when I've had a shitty day, and I come home and wait all night for Chris to get home so we can play something and relax and talk, and he finally gets home, and I get my glass of water and a full pack of cigarettes, and finally get my headset on and load up the game, find a server, join, and as soon as the first pixels of light grace the monitor..."honey, can you come rub my back? I have another headache."


Sorry. You have to drop EVERYTHING! She has the power and the control. She has headaches every single day. The doctor said massages and back rubs might help. You're her boyfriend. She's in pain. It's your DUTY to help her. Even if she picked the worst nanosecond since time was time to ask you, you have to clench your teeth and get in there with the lotion. "No dear, I'm not upset. Just lay down." And, to add insult to injury, you now have to rub her naked body (WITH lotion don't forget) for the next 30-45 minutes with absolutely NO hope of sexual activity, since her excuse is already PRE-ESTABLISHED.

So, to summarize, not only did she wrench you away from your perfect dreamworld to cater to her needs, but now you get to leave with sore, slippery hands, 30-45 minutes less time to spend in your world . . . and a woody.

Is there no justice in the world?

Ah well. I really ama good boyfriend. I don't really mind. She could pick better time to do it, but it's not like I bitch and complain. I help her with the chores and laundry, I wash the dishes, take out the trash, etc. because I learned who had the control a long time ago. And it's very seldom I can bend those rules.

On a side note before I sign off, Chris bought Baldur's Gate II: The Shadows of Amn the other day. I had it from XMas last year, but never ever played it. So of course, I had to load it up. And now we both count down the hours till we can play again. It is such an intricate and complex game to figure out, but well worth it. Magic, weapons, fights, combat, (What the F*CK does 2D4 damage mean? Anyone?) and I still don't get the whole magic thingy. But we're figuring it out and having fun with it. Saving often since we die quite a bit. But that's alright. Eventually we'll be the kings of yet another game.

Also, Chris is thinking about moving to Chicago next year when he graduates college. But that's a whole other story for another day when I'm in the mood to talk about it, which I'm not right now.

Also, Teddy, thanks for noticing. Means a lot. :)
I have to sell my motorcycle. There's no way around it. It's not that we're in trouble for money, just that I would like to save a few thousand bucks before this job ends. And with all the luxuries we have (digital cable, cell phones, etc) we can't do that. So I want to lower our cable bill to just the base version which gives us all channels plus HBO, I want to lower our cell phone plans, or switch to a provider which has lower priced plans (Sprint PCS suxx0rs) and perhaps even lower my DSL speed (no!) Then sell my bike. That would save roughly $300 a month. We'll see how that works though.

And again, my company has failed to pay for 3 weeks. Rent was due yesterday. I don't have enough money to pay the rent. My landlady is pretty good though. And she's hot. :)

So I just wrote an email to the financial guy saying that I can't live on one check a month, waiting for the bulk of my other checks to come in. Granted, when I get 3 or 4 weeks worth of checks, it's well over 3 grand, but that might mean that my bills had to wait 2-3 weeks over their due date. Which I HATE! I had huge problems with money when I had my Z28, and my credit went through the floor. Now I have this job, and my credit is so good I bought a brand new motorcycle and car, within 4 months of each other. But when I start getting letters saying my account is delinquent, it pisses me off because if they would just pay me on time, it wouldn't be a problem at all. And I always get the run around when I try to find out the problem. Oh, it got held up here, oh, we're waiting on signatures from here, oh, the voucher is still on my desk, oh, your postman said your address doesn't exist, blah blah blah. One guy actually had the audacity to tell me that they're doing me a favor getting me paid once a week, so I shouldn't complain when these hiccups happen. I told him I wouldn't be complaining if they paid me once a month as long as I got my money. He says, "well, we don't do that." I told him he wasn't doing much of anything. He was fired for other reasons about 2 weeks later. Have a nice day.

So now I have to wait for my checks again, try to explain it to my landlady, and it also worries me because of the money automatically coming out of my account for my loans and insurance, etc. We'll see what happens. I'll even drive to Boston and pick up my checks myself if I have to.

Holly went and had a massage last night. No backrubbing! And she said she felt much much better when it was all done. No tightness, just a little sore. It's one of the alternative medicing places where they put their hands on your back and pray over you before and after the massage. Drawing on their helaing power to help you or something. Hey, if it works for you, that's cool.

Then played Baldur's Gate with Chris. We didn't do much. We completed another quest for the vampire queen, which involved us clearing out an entire house of Shadow Thieves along with 3 mages. Not the easiest fight, but we managed just fine. The weapons and armor we have right now far surpasses anything the stores are selling, so we didn't have much trouble. One of my secondary characters is using al Elf Bow + 2 with Arrows+2 and arrows of disruption against mages. My Ranger is using a Flail of the Ages, which is basically 2D8 + 4 with immunities, and in the other hand is a Mace of Disruption + 2 against which enemies must make a saving throw versus death. I don't have the complete list. I'm sure not too many of you care. And I finally figured out what the whole 2D3 blah thing meant. (Thank you Vyxxen!) So anyways, we went back to the graveyard to tell the chicky we completed her quest, but we had another quest to find a book in the lower catacombs. So we went down below. I walked off with my 3 characters and without Chris's 3 characters, and without a thief, I didn't see the trap sitting right in front of me protecting a pedestal. Death. And we hadn't saved since we started off. So I went to bed after that. Would have taken too long to get back there. Maybe an hour or so. A lot of travelling in Baldur's Gate. But it's a fun game.

Anyone want a 2002 Honda CBR 600 F4i for sale? 3000 miles, tiny little scratch on the right side from a friend laying it down. (He was just standing still, so it was laid right down. Scratch is hardly noticeable) It also has a Jardine RT1 race exhaust, a 15 tooth front sprocket, a yellow box speedo corrector and 100w halogen headlights. All this could be yours for $7k. Tell your friends! I really need to get rid of it.

Until next time I have something interesting to say, I bid you . . . buh bye.
I don't want to get too into it, but I got another cat. He was a 6-7 month old kitten wandering around outside of my work. No one seemed to know where he came from. We knocked on a couple of doors, nothing. So I figured at least I should take him to the vet to get him checked out. So I went. He was healthy. She gave him distemper shots, anti-worming, checked for FIV and Feline Leukemia, etc etc. Then she took him to another room to have his ears cleaned, and came back saying that either I take care of him for at least 6 months, or she had to euthanize him. Apparently, he has a scratch on his ear. And since he's a stray with no background, there is a slight chance that it was from another animal, and a slight chance that said animal was rabid. So now I have another kitten in my house with all of his shots trying to make friends with my other two 7 month old kittens.

The vet gave me a bunch of breaks. She only charged me for the shots and the office visit, nothing else, and she also said that if I get turned down for neutering vouchers, to call her, and they'll give me a deal.

So see? Being nice and being a good guy pays off sometimes.

Have to get rid of my bird though. It's a dangerous place for him, and he keeps chewing up the walls of my apartment. I'm sure my landlady wouldn't be too happy about it if she ever saw it. We keep a tub of plaster on hand to cover up the damage he does. Not to mention the cats keep on attacking him. So it's either I give him back to the breeders, or he probably dies of a lucky claw by one of the cats, or a heart attack from being jumped at so many times. Ah well. Life is full of tough decisions.

Chris and Jeremy came over last night. I didn't have such a good time cause I wasn't feeling that well. Sometimes my stomach just does weird things. I've tried analyzing it to maybe find something I was doing that I shouldn't be, but I can't figure it out. I just took a Zantac, and I was okay. Just have to stop eating bad stuff. Although I have been on a health kick lately.

But we played some Swat3 and UT. Jeremy HATES rpgs, and he wouldn't even try BG2. So when Jay went home about 8, me and Chris loaded up and played till about 11:30. We completed a few more quests, nothing of real importance. We did save a village from nasty wolf-like creatures. And we helped another guy find his way home while he was hunted by Cowled Wizards. We hate Cowled Wizards, because they're the ones who stole our friend near the beginning of the game, which is sort of our ultimate quest right now; getting her back. So of course we agreed to help him, and anyone who got in our way quickly found themselves sliced in half by our swords, or roasted well done by my Mage's Burning Hands spell. Now that really does sound geeky.

I also went to an information session at MIT. Applying in a couple days and requesting an interview. One quick thing about me.

I hated school. I have an IQ well into genius, and I failed out of my first high school. High school requires you to be compliant before creative. And I have never ever been compliant. I was learning more outside of school, so never gave a second thought to it. (I got a 27 for the year in Latin, but got magna cum laude (with great honors) in the National Latin Exam.) So could I fit into MIT? Absolutely. Do my grades and SAT scores show them that? Nope. So I have to convince them of my intelligence, and convince them that these days, I am very serious about school.

Not going to be easy. We'll see what happens.

I guess that's about it from my world. More another time.
Not much happening the past couple of days. The cats are getting along fine, playing and licking each other like lifelong pals. We went to Lowell this past weekend to Holly's parent's house to help her brother work on his car and also do some laundry. On Saturday we went to the Topsfield Fair. An annual thing with rides and games and petting zoos etc. It was a lot of fun. I had two italian sausages. Yummy. I played a lot of the games, but I didn't win Holly anything. I'm a loser. :) I also forgot my cash for my motorcycle was getting taken out of my account, and since I didn't make it to the bank that morning, I ran out of money. Oops. So I couldn't keep playing anything to win Holly something. We had a good time regardless. Aside from the woman in the beekeeper place noticing my necklace and talking to me about religion. Now, I don't mind that. If you want to have a conversation with me about religion, I can do it. I am well enough versed and educated to do it, but don't try to badmouth anything with me around. It's retarded.

She asked where I go to Church. I told her sometimes I go to the Cathedral in Boston. Then she starts spouting off nonsense about the Cardinal and rolling her eyes at me. I gave her back the two honey sticks I bought when she noticed my necklace and told her to keep the 50 cents cause she obviously needed it more than I did. I can't stand that. It's fine if you have an opinion, but there's a big difference between expressing that opinion, and being insulting about it.

Oh well. The day went fine.

Today I drove Holly into work and then went to the bank to deposit my check. I went into Radio Smack to get a wire to RCA converter, but lo and behold, they don't carry car audio stuff anymore. I wonder why? :)

So now I have to go to Tweeter or something and ask them what to do. I just don't want to have to pay top dollar for something because I bought it at a car audio place. But I really want my system in that new car. The stock setup sucks. (Say that 3 times fast.)

Other than that, not much happening. I have to track down my high school teachers to get recommendations for MIT, and also have to set up an interview today with one of them. I hope I don't have to wait too long. I also have to find out where to retake my SATs and take the SAT II for the first time. Eek. Nervous. I hope I remember enough to do well.

I havent played that much. I started playing Neverwinter Nights, which is the next installment in the Baldur's Gate series. It's much better gameplay, with a few cons. One is you can't equip your other party members with new weapons or armor or anything. They just use whatever they had when you hired them. Secondly, if you throw them a potion or something, they drink it right away without holding onto it. So unlike BG2 where Chris and I could give one character a Belt of Ogre Strength to enable him to carry 500lbs and be our pack whore, now I have to keep everything on my main character. And you also can't control them seperately. They just follow you, attack automatically, unlock doors automatically, etc. I like controlling things in my own games. I don't like it when people do things without me telling them to. After all, there are times I would rather my mercenary pick a lock before he goes and brings back 5 zombies for me to kill. Oh well.

I SUCK at math! I just took an SAT prep exam. I got a 410 in math and a 700 in verbal. I need to brush up on my math skills. After I went through and reviewed my verbal questions, I got them all right on the second try, so I guess if I had spent a little more time, I could have gotten an 800. Go me.

I hate math.
I went to Tweeter on monday and picked up a few things. I got an amp hookup kit so I don't have to do all the measuring and buy the wire by the foot. Then I bought the wire to RCA converter. Which is basically a tiny little box that takes the speaker wires and converts the signal to go through RCA plugs. Then the RCAs get plugged into both of my amps, and then wire from the amps to the speakers. Easy right? No. It's going to be a pain in the ass. I need to figure out a way to get a wire all the way from the battery to the trunk, which usually requires drilling, and then figure out how to the ground the amp without ripping up my carpet, which usually requires drilling a hole in the carpet and routing the ground wire somewhere else. It's not easy. But I haven't hooked up a car stereo in a long time, so it should be a challenge.

I also applied for a Tweeter card. God help me if I get it. New deck would be on the way. But, in Holly's world, it has to be RED to match the RED color of all the lights in the car at night. It is kind of cool to have the whole red theme, but come on. You can't be that anal about it. Would you rather have a cool "looking" stereo, or an awesome "sounding" stereo? Exactly. Stereos are all about music. And getting that music across the lines with the least but of distortion possible is the ultimate goal. I love music. I love the bass complimenting the highs, and the mids adding the flavor to it all. If you're going to listen to music, you should listen to it right. I even have a set of $60 headphones I use for my computer at night after Holly goes to bed.

But enough about that. It's a stupid thing to be typing about.

I went over my parent's house last night and downloaded the same SAT practice exam I took before. My dad went over a lot of the math questions with me, and taught me a few things I forgot about. But there were a few questions in there where he didn't know what to do. He's a really smart guy too. I'm surprised. The sister's husband is a math genius. Literally. Maybe I should ask him for help.

And Buzz told me today that he is "damn proud" of me. Which always makes the world a nicer place.

Sprint shut off my phone again! I went on the website the other day and saw I had a balance of $90. I went to my bank site, and it said I had paid them $90 the day before. So I called, and they said that the website just hasn't been updated yet, but that it shows I have a $0 balance. Fine. So I just tried to call Chris, and it says my service was shut off due to non-payment. Grrrr. I hate Sprint. I'm going with another company. I don't care who it is.

Last night, I was playing Neverwinter Nights. There is a quest where you have to find a bunch of items in the nobleman district, which is full of rich people and mansions. After the fiasco started in the game (which is the main plot) they started barricading themselves in their houses and hiring mercenaries to protect their treasures. But the noblemen are doing bad things like not helping out, and being the jerks that regular rich people always are. So instead of letting them get away with it, I decided I was going to loot their houses, and give the gold to the victims. So I go in with my henchman, Tomi. Clearing the place wasn't bad at all. Tomi disabled all the magic traps, and unlocked doors for me while I killed all the guards, about 30 of them throughout the house. And then I get to the treasure room, where the guy who owns the house is hiding. He starts yelling at me to get out of his house, or he'll call his guards. Bad news dude. I killed all of your guards. So after I loot his treasure room (which didn't have any good stuff I could use) I decided I would talk to him. He starts yelling at me and calling me a vagrant and a thief, etc. One of the options for me to say was "Still your tongue, lest I cut it off and feed it to your dogs." So I picked that one. Then he got all scared, stammering and telling me he's sorry, and I can have whatever I want as long as I don't hurt him. So I left. I'm a lawful good character, which means I should be nice to people. And stealing their gold and giving it to the poor is a nice thing to do. At least it is in the game's perspective.

Which brings me to another point. I read Jeffrey Deaver's "The Blue Nowhere" about 3 times. It's a book about a computer hacker who has gone crazy and started killing people by using a program he designed to break into computers and see exactly what was going on. He downloads photos, and reads IMs and emails, and then impersonates someone the victim knows, and then kills them. Anyway, the whole point of the book was something called social engineering, which is adjusting your own looks and mannerisms to impersonate someone else. And one of the famous lines in that book is "Who do you want to be?" Which is one of my favorite things about computers.

If I sit at my machine, I am no longer me. I can be anyone I want. I could be a WWII medic, or a Paladin in shining armor and a longsword. I could be a thief, or a commander of a new human outpost in the middle of space. I can be a member of a swat team or an anti-terrorist team. I can lead legions of men to attack another castle, or I can be a scientist studying a new piece of metal. It's all about being something you're not. Because it feels good. It's empowering. I no longer have debt, I have no bills, I don't have to go to the grocery store cause we're out of food, I don't have to worry about fixing the leaky faucet. Because at this instant, I'm leading a team of highly trained specialists through the door of a barricaded house, where there might be 3 guys with automatic weapons pointed at your head just inside. I'm not holding a mouse anymore. I'm holding a silenced M-16 with a modified C-Mag to hold 200 rounds. I no longer have on headphones. I have a tactical radio where I give orders and receive status reports from my team. My monitor becomes my eyes. My keyboard becomes my feet.

Weird, huh? But think about it. I'm a short guy, 5'7", not that built since I broke my back a few years ago, but instead of having to be diplomatic about a real life situation, I can say "Shut the f*ck up or I'll cut off your tongue and feed it to you." And they'll listen.

Who do you want to be?

Chris might be coming over today as usual. "We'll see" he says to me. He might be too tired to come today, but if not, he'll be here tomorrow for sure. Have to call Jeremy to see what he's up to. If we're down here, he'll come too.

Ah, wonderful nights of gaming and pizza.
I got my stereo in my car. I started at 8:15 in the morning, took a half hour break around 12, and finished up around 3:45. I finally figured out how to get the power wire from the battery into the trunk. That was the hardest, longest part. I ripped up the carpet, the runners, the weather stripping, I removed the back seat, just to route one wire from the engine all the way back. So, I get that wire back there. No sign of it in the car, which is the best when you're doing a stereo install, (wires should always be hidden) and then start wiring up the amps.

I got the ground wire hooked up, started taking apart the back speakers to get the signal back to the amps, which was a pain, and then when I'm almost ready to start wiring the speakers and putting all of the equipment in the trunk, I spot a blue 16 foot wire at my feet. For those of you who know car stereos, you'll know this is the remote wire. I forgot to route it through the same time I did the power wire. %*$*(#&! The purpose of the remote wire is to attach one end of it to a fuse that only turns on when you turn your stereo on, and put the other end into your amps. This is so the amps only get powered when you turn on the stereo in the car. That way they're not on all the time, only when you need them. So I had to rip everything apart again. Granted, it's a much smaller wire, so it was easier, but it was still a pain.

Then Chris showed up. He took me to Radio Smack so I could get some speaker wire and a couple of RCA Y-connectors. Since I had two amps, I needed to split the signal to go to both amps. Which worked beautifully. So he was there for about the last 1.5 hours or so. I called it the day before. I told Holly that I was going to work on it all day alone tomorrow because he's not going to get his ass out of bed until at least 12. Which is was happened. So he helped bridge the power and ground wires to go to both amps and also helped me splice in a fuse block between the battery and the amps.

So now the system works. First time too! I was proud of that, considering it took so long. It's always a nice feeling when it works the first time you do it. I need a new 100 watt amp for the speakers though. Mine cuts out the right channel unless it's pushed down. So I put both amps on their sides and pushed the sub box against them so it would work. It's fine for now. I'll get another amp some other time. I did buy the thing like 8 years ago. So it's time for a new one anyway. Holly likes it too.

Some new words Chris and I came up with yesterday:

El Hookup
El Stinkup
El Cutup
El Fuckedup

(Warning to all Asians, this is not a racist remark.) There is a store down the street from my house called El Hookup. It's a place where rice boys can go to purchase various pieces to make their car look even more ridiculous. Wings, spoilers, body kits, rims, etc. When Chris got to my house, I told him I needed a few parts, but didn't want to drive across town in traffic to go to Radio Smack. So I briefly considered actually going against my better judgement, and walking into a store called El Hookup with the name to the shop actually spray painted onto the wood above the door. The idea was quickly cast away as we took a right instead of a left to suffer through about 30 lights to get to Radio Smack across town. When we get there, this guy is trying to help me, but he doesn't speak english. Mind you, this is Radio Shack. Not El Hookup. Finally, after he jabbers in some foreign language (sounded like Spanish) he finally directs me to the right section, and points to something like what I need. I say no, one to the left. He goes to the right, picks up the bag and hands it to me. I said no, left. He smiles, nods and walks back to the counter. I put the bag back and went now two spaces to the LEFT and picked up the right bag. When I got to the counter, he said this isn't what you asked for. I just dropped the money on the counter. So the moral is, we drove across town to go here, when in fact, we could have just gone to El Hookup and it probably would have happened the same way. So from then on, everything had an "El" in front of it, and "up" in back of it. The wires were now El Cutup, Chris farting was El Stinkup, and if we screwed something up, we El Fuckedup. It was kind of funny. Kept us amused I suppose.

Side note, I hate it when people who work in a store in America can't speak English. It boils my ass. "I want an RCA SPLITTER." "Que?" "No, RCA SPLITTER" "Que?" Then he gives me the wrong thing because he doesn't know his left from his right. God I have to move out of here.


I'm in a slump. I work a job that pays me big bucks, but there's no future in it. I work 20 hours a week, most of which is spent playing games or reading a book. Nothing ever happens around here. We have 20 computers I'm responsible for, and another company which works here full time supporting the network. So I only support the machines. How often can something go wrong? Hardly ever. So to justify my position, I'm forced to make up stupid things I have supposedly done to get my status report in at the end of each week. There's no excitement, no flare, no circumstances where I get to show my potential and try new things for bad problems. It's not like working top level support for 250+ people alone like my last job, which I got laid off from in Dec of 2000.
So I decide I should go to college. I never needed it, since I always had job offers left and right. But no more. This economy has gotten people running for the hills rather than hiring new people. No one even emails you back when you submit a resume. But now the college is the problem. I always go for the best. Not because it makes me feel better so much as I figure if you're going to put a lot of time, effort and money into something, it should be for the best. So I start looking at the best schools around here. This state has some of the top schools in the Nation. Only problem with that is, I hated high school. High school requires you to be compliant before you're creative. And I was never ever compliant. I was learning more on my own and with adults than I was in school, and learning things that were more important to me than geometry and western civilization. I was learning how to take motorcycles apart. The first time my 74 kawi 400 wouldn't start, I completely tore down the engine and put it back together myself, in about 3 hours. No one ever showed me how to do it. Once the vacuum cleaner wouldn't start, so I took it apart and fixed it. Both of these happened when I was about 15. I got a 27 for the YEAR in Latin, but in the National Latin exam, I got magna cum laude (with great honors). So I screwed off in school, not to mention a plethora of personal problems that were fux0ring my life at that time. But I graduated, and went on to work, where I pretty much started my career. But colleges don't like to hear that. They like to hear that you spent 8 hours a night studying and you were in the top 10% of your class. I doubt there was even a percentage for me. They want you to have 650 or higher is SATs, even though I was completely stoned when I took them and got maybe a 900 combined. Now, I take them again, and I'm up to almost 1200. So not a lot of schools will take me in. MIT is my first choice, but they would literally laugh me out of the building, even though I'm probably as smart as most of the kids who go there. They would just need to give me a chance, which I doubt they would. Harvard is way too richy for me. I am practically a shoe-in to BC, since my mother, father and both sisters went there for college and graduate degrees, but it's still tough to get into. Northeastern is a good school, but it's like a jock haven. What's left? WPI? 1.5 hour commute every day one way. And I don't want to go to a state university. Blah.

So now I work 20 hours a week, bored for the other 20. Nothing ever happens! My brain is craving new material. I want to learn. I want to start getting onto the edge of life rather than chill out on the sidelines. I sit here bored off my ass, just thinking about all the brain cells I'm wasting here.

Sure, I'm 24, I have a bike I can't even ride, a new car I love, an adorable girlfriend who takes care of me, my own apartment, a fast computer and a great family. But there's still something missing. My 25th birthday will be here in less than a month. I'll be a quarter of a century old, and still with just a high school diploma, sitting on my ass for 20 hours a week with questions like "my mouse is slow" or "I can't get onto the mapped a: drive".

I could take a few classes at another university around here and just do really well then apply for a transfer. Which I would do if I thought it would help things.

I just feel like I've wasted part of my life, and now that I'm serious about changing it and actually doing something worthwhile, no one will take me seriously. Not that I blame them. They have a reputation to uphold.

Hell, I could put a police car on top of a building, too. :)

Quick Pete-tip™ Highlighting a smiley face makes it look like a sad face. Just hold down your mouse button and drag your mouse over the smiley right up top.
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