krompf/porter mason project/solid gold @ THE TANK

[JoeDub]

Internet,

Each member of Krohmp hates each and every member of the Porter Maison Project for different, but very real reasons. And we suspect that the Project hates us just as much. Will it all go down this Wednedsay, June 25th, at the Tank?

I know you still have my copy of Rude Boy, Pittman. I know you spread those “colicy baby” rumors about me, Butterworth. And I know damn well that you put that ice cube down my back at Cynthia’s party, Hot Chocolate. I’m gonna smack that nickname right off of ya! That is, right after we do some long-form improv for only five bucks.

Watch it hit the fan this Wednesday. Hold us back, Solid Gold…

it’s a sound,

joe wengert

Krompf / Porter Maison Project / Solid Gold @ the TANK
432 west 42nd Street (9th and 10th Avenues)
$5 – 9 pm

 

[kate]

It's true, the hate is real

We hate to say this, but it probably had to be addressed sooner or later:

Wengert's sideburns are so pussy compared to 'Tone's. That's why we didn't even bother posting in here first.

Just so's you know, we're taking off all the doorknobs off our doors and putting them in a pillowcase, Kromphf. Consider that a warning. And uh, a threat too. Yeah. Think about it. DOORKNOBS. In Your Face.

 

[dorothy]

I'm putting five bucks on TPMP.

 

[ameygirl]

Dorothy you're supposed to be our biggest fan....now i guess we will have to take you off our mailing list...looks like we have no e-mails to send out anymore...TPMP is going down....my paints...what????Kate get out of there....

 

[dorothy]

But I am putting 10 bucks on Kromph!

 

[kate]

Dorothy do you like having all your teeth?

 

[dorothy]

Ach!

10 dollars on Kromph
10 dollars on Kromf
10 dollars on Krompf
10 dollars on Kromff

10 dollars on Billy
10 dollars on Hot
10 dollars on Chocolate
10 dollars on Nate’s sideburns

40 bucks on Solid Gold

Tie breaker: Whoever buys me a drink. Also, whoever doesn’t knock out my teeth.

 

[SOLIDGOLD]

Here's my version

Guys, we don't believe in violence, but let's just say there'll be some broken coke bottles back stage that you can shove into each other's assholes.
There's your 40 bucksworth!

Brad & Scott

 

[billyhc]

Uh oh spaghettios. (I'm in trouble.)

Looks like Dorothy won't be the only one walking out with some missing teeth.

(Unless you guys are talking about the kind of coke bottles that will disable Joe Wengert's sight during the show, I can handle those.)

10 bucks on someone dying at the Tank tonight. I'm not saying that it won't be me, I'm just saying that it probably will be. I would die for PMP. What's the point of living anyways when everyone knows that you have the same last name as her...

It's the same as our coach's,
Billy

 

[ameygirl]

Comin' To Get Ya

khrompf
CROMNPF

 

[NotNeilCasey]

I hate Billy Hot Chocolate because he stole my idea about doing a two-man show with him as father and son and now wants to do a two-man show with me as father and son.

I hate Kate Spencer because she emails everything I'm going to do in a given day 5 minutes before I do it. I copied and pasted this paragraph straight out of Outlook.

I hate everybody else because they interrupted my one man Christmas Carol as all the other characters.

<A href="http://www.stevearowell.com/tim.htm">Neil Casey</A>

 

[dorothy]

I actually have tickets for a cock fight tonight in Flushing and I am going to pass them up because I know I will see more bloodshed at The Tank.

If Neil Casey doesn't disembowel either Bret Pittman or Wendi Butterworth, I am going to be severly disappointed.

 

[ameygirl]

Miss Butterworth Is Going To Be Drizzled All Over My Pancakes....kromp....

 

[dorothy]

I would also like to see Billy Hot Chocolate break Amey in half over his knee.

This is going to be so excellent.

 

[Bret Pittman]

Dorothy, BHC and I promise to provide all the Cock-Fighting you can handle tonight.

 

[flynnternet]

While in line at a delicatessen, I developmed a yearning for a nice, crisp, full-sour pickle. When I approached the counter, the attendant informed me that the man leaving the store had just bought the last one. That man had red hair and a think moustache. He had stollen all that I desired, the unkindest cut of all.

I never knew that man, nor have I forgiven him.

Ryan Karels is not that man, but he is a reasonable replacement.

Prepare for the brunt of my wrath.

You didn't land on TPMP.
TPMP landed on you.
The Hulk ain't got nothin' on me.

I remain,

Mean, Green, With Super Stretchy Underpants.

 

[Bret Pittman]

Purple Ones?

 

[kate]

Internet,

Joe Wengert ran over my puppy.
Watch me rage on him tonight at the tank.

Your Friend,

Kate Spencer

 

[ameygirl]

I'm shavin' nate