Improv Journal

[Calvin]

Today the improv troupe I am in tried to hold the first official practice.
We were going to have the great Austin Nava teach us but like most people he did not show up. There were four people there out of nine. I am bummed and I dont think everyone in the troupe is as serious about improv as I am. I think they just use it for a hobbie when I am trying to use it as a career.
I guess we will see.

Another Day


Calvin

 

[Calvin]

Raising two children

:bleagh: I havent wrote in awhile. I got in another fight with my mother after not seeing her for two days straight while she caroused with her boyfriend. I had little money and even less food and not a clue where she was. When I saw her today she said give me a hug and I flipped I cussed her out I would feel bad but this isnt the first time it has happend. Ever since my parents go divorced three years ago I have felt like I have to grow up while helping them grow up. I have used improv as an escape from reality and since me an maybe two other people care about the improv team I am in (no assembly required) I havent had much of a chance to vent. Austin and Laine talk to me alot abou tmy problems and it makes me feel really good knowing that i have someone to talk to. Even though austin hasnt wrote me back yet. I feel like I am not really friends of these big figure heads in Utah improv Adam Jesse Austin Laine ect ect I just feel like I am another fan to them but I do appriciate them talking to me but I feel that the age diffrence makes me a white guy in the bronx to them. I did improv today but I didnt really vent much I just have had so much teenager stress lately. I will write agian soon so jess dosent get after me.

 

[Calvin]

On the bright side

I had my first OTW ogden improv show on friday and what a show! We had a great line up. I was so nervous and the first thing out of my mouth was a bad thing to say (if you really want to know just write me) after that little incident the show just went wonderful we played some short which is fun but not nearly as fun as the long form we did. We did a montouge simply because two of the actors with us never do long form so we started easy. We had alot of great scenes! I also settled the fight with my mother I told her that every time she didnt come home she owes me twenty bucks I am up to forty dollars! thats all I have to write for today.


Calvin

 

[Calvin]

I love all denominations

I still am getting crap for what I said on friday and I deserve it and if it happens to get around to jarky I want him to pm me so I can apologize. I hung out wiht adam all weekend it was a blast except for today when his cousin scottie (who is a really cool guy) started yelling at adam (when I started to feel alittle akward) so I left before he started yellling at me just because he was on a roll. Adam is a really cool guy but lately he has seemed a little distracted. He is not a very open person but I hope that there is some way I can help him. On a lighter note I am trying to collect alot of money so I can go to the Del Close marathon and go to NC to visit the well missed and loving Austin Nava everybody! Oh and today I hung out with Cami Nava a really cool girl and in her words even though she has only know me and barry for a little while it feels like we've known each other for years and that is how it honestly feel I can simply talk to her about anything and not worry we'll not every thing. Well thats all I have for today so see ya'll later.

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

My first game!!

Today we had improv practice and it was a fun one were it was all really organic prov the only problem is the newer improv'ers dont understand the rules and it is really hard to learn when you have to re teach the basic's I feel bad for saying this but I think since we have OTW ogden practice twice a week one day is agroup and the other is less experienced and the more experienced I am not saying I am experienced in fact some one asked me how experienced I was in improv on a one to ten scale I said a two be as honest as I could, the ones in the practices I just feel like instead of learning technique I am relearning basic's I think it is awsome that they are coming out and learning though. We tried a game I made up called "upgrade it" it went really well if you would like to know more visit Utah Improv .com and go to forum then into long forum and there should be a thread titled upgrade it. If any one wants to try it I would really appriecate your feed back on it. Well thats all I have today.

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

Tears to me is fear in liquid form.

Today was just not good I would say it was hell but I have had so much worse maybe not all at the same time and thats why I feel this way. I made another $20 dollars today that started the day on a bad note. My father dosent understand that I am not going to move in with him because I dont want the stress of telling him his girlfriend is no good for him. He dosent understand that I dont want to talk to him about alot of things he dosent understand that if I need his help I will ask for it jsut offering it helps me out. So many other factors happend during school involving school that just put me over the edge today. I dont like to cry, I like to think that I can handle this I can do this on my own. I was forced to grow up. My parents divorced when I was 14 I had to care for my mom and sort out the facts from fiction.
I am 17 and still taking blows from this divorce. I have held jobs I have tried to help my parents. I can handle these problems on my own. I survied a nasty divorce at the part in my life were needed guidance and I didnt have it. I can survive one day of demented jokes and peer pressure and parents and drugs and sex and all the other typical teenager life crisis's, but why do I cry? I hate it. I am not going to say I hate my life becauseits not true and it is negative attention the attention I dont want.

I dont like to cry I dont like the attention I get. I love attention on stage and when I am having fun but not the sorrow attention. I dont know when I write in these threads I have a sense of security most people that read this dont know me have never seen me. I feel like even though I may have it rough at times I can depend on the people that do improv to catch me and that is my escape.

I am going to survive this but what I am worried about is what am I going to lose before I see it through?

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

Buried Pain.

Vacation has seemed to remove all my worries until I return to home. Utah is an awsome place I love my friends and my dog. today I had two improv classes and it was a blast we worked on scene work it was way cool I also learned a new game that I think it was called numbered scenes it was awsoem I will talk more about it rhwn I get home and have more time to talk about these things it's 10:19 here and we are supposed to go to bed at 10:00 oh well... well until my temporary bliss comes to and end I am in well a temporary bliss so long.


Calvin

 

[Calvin]

outwit outplay outlast

Here it goes again.
I am back home after a wonderful trip. But I am doing what I hate the most. I started to worry about life again today. All I have been hearing is how hard it is to get anywhere in any type of acting. I can not see myself anywhere else, which makes me even more worried, what if I dont make it? I will be a failure. I dont want that. I want to love what I do so I can live my life. I am so scared of ending up in a job I hate I have seen it so much and I dont want that I to be glad to wake up. I am just not glad wake up, I have five days of school work to make up (which is impossible seeming as I have play practice until six everynight. Maybe I am just not strong enough to fight. Survival of the fittest what if I am not fit? Four things in my life that I am sure about is Laine Austin Adam and Kam. I worry about all three of them because all of them are a a drought right now and I wish I could help.

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

Light on the other side of dark

So life has begun to finally show its light. things got really bad there for awhile and even though the biggest problem is not yet over I can feel that it is on break and through all of being happy for myself I worry alot for my good friend and teacher Kam and he is still deeply stressed and worried I can feel it in the air feel I can taste it in the water war is coming. I wish I could help or repay everyone that helped me out. I love everyone of you that cared about me and I want you all to know I care about you all.


Calvin

 

[Calvin]

Maso Meno

This weekend was crappy and awsome all in the same moment. The good news first me and Adam hung out all weekend it was so much fun I enjoyed it emensly in that straight kind of way. Then the bad news I had two improv shows this friday and both were canceled it pissed me off really bad. I am over it I got the man behind one show back in improv practice it was really fun. Also me and another member of NAR had a very serious talk about and it got me thinking abou talot of things I will talk more when its not a secretive suprise. Well I dont have much to right except that I will keep writting.

Another day.

"way the anchor, how much does it wiegh, I dont know I forgot"

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

About Time!

I have agree with Jarky that the Utah journals have been a little depressing. I have been doing this but I have decided that this time even though I could write about the bad things I wont.


Tonight I have an improv show at OTW bountiful I am playing with OTW first half and NAR the second half so I get to do both which is awsome. I am a little nervous. (not nervous enough to crack racial remarks.)

I was also asked to a dance (girls choicehat I am going to tomorow I am really excited for it but I hope its not akward me and all her friends that I have never met before but as long as I am with Cami I dont think anything can go wrong.
Thats all I have because I am in a hurry and I have to eat.


Calvin

 

[Calvin]

The Dance

ERRRR!!!


The bountiful show that I was so excited about was cancelled again!:exp: This is the second show in two weeks. On a lighter note I went to the dance with Cambrya Nava she is so awsome we talked all day and had fun i'll go through the whole day. First we went sledding and it was really fun because we took a canoe up there and rode down the hill with it, it was soo much fun. Then we went home and got ready for the night activity and we went to a really fancy place called Tepenyaki its really fancy and cost alot of money but it was a three and a half wait so we decided not to go so we went to Marie Callenders it was awsome, Cami's parents ate with us which was cool they are really nice people, and her dad was driving a H2 it was so cool then we went to the dance and it was just all around fun the best dance I have been to yet.

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

My two cents

"Comedy is a serious buisness and you have to take comedy serious." Kam Klitgaard said that to me today during play practice. I think this is a very good view. I personally think that one of the reasons some people never get better at improv is because they dont take it serious. I think that what you give to improv you will recieve from improv. I take improv very seriously even though it is all about comedy its not just a hobby for me it is a way of living. I am not letting improv run my life but I am symbiotic with it. Improv is speacial to me aand I wish I could share it with the world.

This is all I have to write right now but please if any one wishes to comment please pm me I like it when I hear from my extended family.

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

Nothing imparticular

Things have been pretty slow lately but good. The dance and snowboarding and the play (finally coming together) but I still feel stressed. I had to miss improv practice today because I was working on the set of the play. I am trying to find time for both but its really hard to have faith in improv the way it has been going. Practices are lacking effort all my shows are getting canceled in bountiful and I dont think they will ask me back to ogden, I respect improv so I am not losing any faith that it will all come around. Improv is like a marrige to me you just got to stick with it none of this 54% divorce stuff. Society is getting weaker in the morals department. Adultry is not uncommon it hit my family and it is evil, I also have opinions on the gay and lesbian marriages as well but I wont mention any of it because I learned on utahimprov.com its hard to voice your opinion with out being nipped in the butt for it. I am missing improv. I have not done it in awhile but soon.

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

I wish I could do more.

"Ill be your friend, I'll be your friend untill the bitter end"
This song from jungle book the good one ran through my head alot lately. A very close friend of my has been drastically changed over the past month and it has been pretty hard for him. Maybe its a test from god. Whatever it is I am always there for him and I am always there for good friends. I have tried to help him out in every way I can think of I wish there was something else I could do. I would mention his name but when I talk about personall things I dont want what I say to affect them. My friend is struggling. This is no high school drama thing this is a serious crisis that he took no part in but it fell in his lap.

I sufffer from depression.. When my parents got divorced I dropped alot of weight and just didnt want to wake up. Alot of people dont know what depression actually is. Depression now a days is no serious thing to most people its just a term of bing sad for more than 18 hours. If it wasnt for this friend then a whole diffrent world I would be in. The only thing I can do for him is to let him now that if he falls I will catch him. I wish I could do more.......


Calvin

 

[Calvin]

Enlightend?

"Faith is beliving in something you dont know is for sure there. You need faith in improv because you dont know you'll get an idea but if you have faith it can never fail."
by Calvin

I hope people get something out of reading my post's.


Calvin

 

[Calvin]

The Rule of three's



Well they say death comes in threes and this weekend three deaths have occured. Alot of sorrow around the cast at school. and once again I wish I could do more to help them. I am so sick of girls. I have a stalker thats in Ninth grade wont leave me alone.. I need to get my life in order before I even think about girls. The play is coming along nicely March 1 2 3 4 and joke night is on the 5th it should be alot of fun. I have really offended a girl at school because I was on her case for not being at play practice I feel really badly for it I am going to apologize so that we are cool again. Until next time.

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

The Unsuspecting Victim

Have you ever just felt like crap? Just dont want to do anything except for things you really love and even they are hard to do? This is how I have been feeling. I dont know what has been wrong lately. I love hanging out with Cami and Kam and Adam.
Improv is the only other thing I want to do lately and even that has got hard for me to do. I cant even pin point why I have felt this way. I think it is a combination of alot of things my parents school bad grades relationships with friends girls the play and trying to help a very dear friend of mine. If anyone reading this has a diagnosis for please message me. All I know is that hanging out with the people I mentioned help me forget about these things. I am really worried about my grades as well. It seems that I am in a hole I just cant seem to get out of. I only wish I could get tutor help form people that will check up on me make sure I get my assingments in nothing else. I know that everyone in Utah has been writting dark posts but it wont always be like this for me around mid march it will cheer up alot.

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

Chaged like that!

One thing can change your whole day.
Today I wasnt having the best of days but my friend showed me these hillarious .wav files of him and his old friends along time ago and it has totally changed my outlook on the day . Girls are not really my number one concern right now the play is and the second is my grades. I am really nervous abut my grades my mom and I have a deal that if I pass all my classes third and fourth quarter she will give me 300 dollars to fly down and visit Austin how great is that? That means I will have a headstart on NYC and DCM cool huh? Its hard to think how what you say impacts other people I apologized to a girl I made hate me just because I gave her some crap about not coming to practice, it made me feel really bad; but now things are good between us and I am happy.

Calvin

 

[Calvin]

Keep them sacred

56% percent of all marriges result in divorce. My personal opinion on why this is is becuase one spouse is selfish it becomes all about them. For example the reason my dad left my mother is HE wasnt happy. Today he called me and wanted me to come over so I did, what he didnt tell me is that he needed me to hep him move his stuff from the house him and his girlfriend just bought. I asked him why he did this and his reply was that he has a right to be happy and HE was happy. I simply called him selfish and with extreme anger cursed at him. I dont curse very often only when shear pain and anger takes control of my tounge. I am sick of selfish people I am sick of this country trying to take god out of family. Divorce is easy I think that is of the devil. I also think other things are making the value of marrige decrease. Marrige is not like dating its supposed to be a one time thing until death do us part. How can people take somehting so sacred and abuse the privlage. I cant stand selfish people they are destroying the sacred union between a man and a woman.

Calvin