I Am the Boss of Applesauce
- Thread starter Katie
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I handed Declan a new rattle that had a stuffed duck on it. He immediately started chewing on the duck's head. Naturally I started going "Ow! That's my head! Are you crazy? You're chewing on my head!" to which he laughed and laughed. Josie also thought it was quite amusing.
Cut to later that evening. Josie was eating her dry Scooby Doo cereal with funny bones marshmallows. You can assemble the marshmallows into skeletons or whatever and that night she had managed to make a whole skeleton. She started eating it limb by limb.
Naturally, since she'd enjoyed the game earlier I launched into it again.
Me: Ow! My leg! What's wrong with you?! Ow! My arm! The pain! The pain!
She ignored me through two arms and a leg. Then she looked up at me as I continued to do it.
Josie: (waving) Pretend you're going away.
Am I a loser or what?
Cut to later that evening. Josie was eating her dry Scooby Doo cereal with funny bones marshmallows. You can assemble the marshmallows into skeletons or whatever and that night she had managed to make a whole skeleton. She started eating it limb by limb.
Naturally, since she'd enjoyed the game earlier I launched into it again.
Me: Ow! My leg! What's wrong with you?! Ow! My arm! The pain! The pain!
She ignored me through two arms and a leg. Then she looked up at me as I continued to do it.
Josie: (waving) Pretend you're going away.
Am I a loser or what?
Happy Easter!
Last year I posted on Easter and we were in New Jersey and all of us were sick. I was pregnant and we had a wonderful egg hunt in the living room.
We had another wonderful egg hunt in the living room today. I thought we should have it outside since we now live where the weather is nice this time of year, but I was over-ruled. Apparently the living room offers more hiding places than our small backyard.
I can't believe where we were last year and where we are this year. Time does fly so fast. Declan is so big. Bigger than many other babies his age. But he's got thin, wispy hair, so he looks like an over-grown newborn. Josie might be taller than I am by the time she's seven.
Yesterday we went to Adam McKay's house to see their new baby. As usual we got a little lost and had to turn around a couple of times. We were quiet in the car, concentrating on navigating the twists and turns of Hollywood Hills. Suddenly the quiet was pierced by my little darling's voice.
Josie: All hail the 'Don't Knowers!'
How insulting! She was right though. We didn't have a clue.
Last year I posted on Easter and we were in New Jersey and all of us were sick. I was pregnant and we had a wonderful egg hunt in the living room.
We had another wonderful egg hunt in the living room today. I thought we should have it outside since we now live where the weather is nice this time of year, but I was over-ruled. Apparently the living room offers more hiding places than our small backyard.
I can't believe where we were last year and where we are this year. Time does fly so fast. Declan is so big. Bigger than many other babies his age. But he's got thin, wispy hair, so he looks like an over-grown newborn. Josie might be taller than I am by the time she's seven.
Yesterday we went to Adam McKay's house to see their new baby. As usual we got a little lost and had to turn around a couple of times. We were quiet in the car, concentrating on navigating the twists and turns of Hollywood Hills. Suddenly the quiet was pierced by my little darling's voice.
Josie: All hail the 'Don't Knowers!'
How insulting! She was right though. We didn't have a clue.
Congratulations go out to the hilarious couple Jenna Jolowitz and Sean Murphy. They've just had a beautiful baby girl. Of course Sean called Ian to tell him and Ian called me to tell me.
Ian: Jenna and Sean had their baby!
Me: Great! I thought they might have it this weekend. What's her name?
Ian: Um. I don't know. Sean didn't say.
We already knew the baby was a girl. The only thing left to find out was the name.
That's the Dad Club for you. They don't ask questions and they don't give all the pertinent information. And they will happily go along thinking they know everything they need to know. And they have the nerve to argue with the Moms who will find out every tiny, exruciating detail and then dig to make sure nothing is left to chance.
How dare they?
Ian: Jenna and Sean had their baby!
Me: Great! I thought they might have it this weekend. What's her name?
Ian: Um. I don't know. Sean didn't say.
We already knew the baby was a girl. The only thing left to find out was the name.
That's the Dad Club for you. They don't ask questions and they don't give all the pertinent information. And they will happily go along thinking they know everything they need to know. And they have the nerve to argue with the Moms who will find out every tiny, exruciating detail and then dig to make sure nothing is left to chance.
How dare they?
I don't know if I've written about Josie's imaginary friend or not so I'll do it now. Apologies if this is a repeat. Some of the story is new though, so stick with me.
Josie has an imaginary friend. His name is Bub (because he got stung by a bumblebee). He has a reindeer head, a house body, flashlight arms and vegetable hands (carrots if you must get specific). Apparently he's in high school.
Josie just called Bub's girlfriend, Julie, on a banana and set up a date for a party. Bub was too afraid to call his girlfriend because they've never met.
Naturally I was concerned that Josie has been hanging out with a high school student so I called Bub on the mitten phone and asked him what his intentions are and why he hangs out with a five year old. He told me they play on his imaginary playground and sometimes play catch in the garden. I decided it was okay for them to play together as long as he only does kid things.
I still don't know if I like her hanging out with a teenager. Especially one with a reindeer head and flashlight arms. I'm such a bigot.
Josie has an imaginary friend. His name is Bub (because he got stung by a bumblebee). He has a reindeer head, a house body, flashlight arms and vegetable hands (carrots if you must get specific). Apparently he's in high school.
Josie just called Bub's girlfriend, Julie, on a banana and set up a date for a party. Bub was too afraid to call his girlfriend because they've never met.
Naturally I was concerned that Josie has been hanging out with a high school student so I called Bub on the mitten phone and asked him what his intentions are and why he hangs out with a five year old. He told me they play on his imaginary playground and sometimes play catch in the garden. I decided it was okay for them to play together as long as he only does kid things.
I still don't know if I like her hanging out with a teenager. Especially one with a reindeer head and flashlight arms. I'm such a bigot.
I am not the kind of woman who drops weight quickly after a pregnancy. There are women who don't have to diet or anything, they just eat normally and the weight falls away -- particularly with breast feeding. Not me. I have to actively work to get the weight off.
So that's what I've been doing since we moved out here to CA. It's a slow process. I'm using the same program I used after Josie - Weight Watchers. I'm not going to meetings and I didn't join on the internet, because they always change their program and I want to use the one that I used and had success with five years ago.
Anyway, I have lost about half the weight I need to lose and I've been feeling the moodiness that comes with a slow, although steady, weight loss program. I was depressed yesterday is what I'm saying.
So I put on some clothes that didn't hide my body. I still had to wear some old pants of Ian's (generously rolled cuffs), but I decided I'd finally stop wearing the long, baggy shirts that make me look like I'm either in an art class or pregnant again.
I came downstairs.
Josie: Lookin' goooood Mommy!
I supposed it's "just something people do" but it sure was the best thing she could have done that day.
So that's what I've been doing since we moved out here to CA. It's a slow process. I'm using the same program I used after Josie - Weight Watchers. I'm not going to meetings and I didn't join on the internet, because they always change their program and I want to use the one that I used and had success with five years ago.
Anyway, I have lost about half the weight I need to lose and I've been feeling the moodiness that comes with a slow, although steady, weight loss program. I was depressed yesterday is what I'm saying.
So I put on some clothes that didn't hide my body. I still had to wear some old pants of Ian's (generously rolled cuffs), but I decided I'd finally stop wearing the long, baggy shirts that make me look like I'm either in an art class or pregnant again.
I came downstairs.
Josie: Lookin' goooood Mommy!
I supposed it's "just something people do" but it sure was the best thing she could have done that day.
Josie was just jabbering away in her bedroom the other night while she was supposed to be trying to go to sleep. When I went up to find out what was going on she explained.
Josie: Well Little Tooth* was sad because the first story was so short so I'm telling a longer story but first I did some impressions to get my voice ready for the longer story. It's over now.
*Little Tooth is another imaginary friend. LT lives in Josie's stomach and helps clean up when the food party is over.
Josie: Well Little Tooth* was sad because the first story was so short so I'm telling a longer story but first I did some impressions to get my voice ready for the longer story. It's over now.
*Little Tooth is another imaginary friend. LT lives in Josie's stomach and helps clean up when the food party is over.
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Josie has been sick since last Wednesday. On Saturday I expected her to feel better, but after asking her what she wanted for breakfast I figured out she might still be under the weather.
Me: What would you like for breakfast?
Josie: Sleep, sleep, with a side of sleep. A sleep burger with extra sleep and a sleep shake with some sleep on top.
Me: What would you like for breakfast?
Josie: Sleep, sleep, with a side of sleep. A sleep burger with extra sleep and a sleep shake with some sleep on top.
Josie's had to take anti-biotics since her illness and it's always a scene. To be fair the anti-biotic medicine is thick and white and supposedly banana-flavored although it smells like a cheap pina colada. The first time she had to take it she cried and pulled away and got very dramatic. We convinced her that taking the medication was the best way for her to feel better and to not have to go to the doctor for a shot of anti-biotics.
Now she's pretty good about taking it. She just has to do one thing every time.
Me: Here it is. Take it quick and you'll hardly taste it.
Josie: Wait! I have to have my mid-life crisis first!
Then she fake screams and waves her arms around.
Then she takes the medicine.
We live in a cartoon.
Now she's pretty good about taking it. She just has to do one thing every time.
Me: Here it is. Take it quick and you'll hardly taste it.
Josie: Wait! I have to have my mid-life crisis first!
Then she fake screams and waves her arms around.
Then she takes the medicine.
We live in a cartoon.
Josie's taking a Parks and Recreation class called Sportsmania. They introduce little ones to different sports to see if they like something. They've done basketball, soccer, and baseball. Unfortunately Josie likes baseball the best.
Yesterday they were working on soccer. The coach is a high school senior named Cody. He was playing goalie and having the kids shoot goals. He was very good at letting them get past him.
Josie got pretty full of herself shooting all those goals. She started using some different techniques.
Josie: Hey look, a monkey!
And she shot the goal.
She was frighteningly proud of her deception.
Better watch my back.
Yesterday they were working on soccer. The coach is a high school senior named Cody. He was playing goalie and having the kids shoot goals. He was very good at letting them get past him.
Josie got pretty full of herself shooting all those goals. She started using some different techniques.
Josie: Hey look, a monkey!
And she shot the goal.
She was frighteningly proud of her deception.
Better watch my back.
Declan is constantly getting either bad allergies or colds. He's going through it right now which is putting him in a nasty mood. He doesn't sleep well either. I've started calling him "Mr. I-Love-The-Night-Life". He woke up a couple of times last night and then woke up for real at about 5:30am.
He's been napping off and on all day (lucky duck), but he got a burst of energy in the late afternoon. I put him on the floor so he could work on his crawling and play with some of his toys. Josie immediately came up behind him and hugged him, causing him to immediately start crying. She backed away and he laid on his back on the floor, stiff as a board and proceeded to cuss us both out. He wouldn't even bend when I tried to sit him back up by his toys.
Josie and I just looked at him laying there, giggling at how cute he was. She decided not to hug him anymore and went over to the TV to watch some Jimmy Neutron. I got Declan bent at the waist and he went back to playing with his toys.
Poor babies. They are so cute when they're angry.
He's been napping off and on all day (lucky duck), but he got a burst of energy in the late afternoon. I put him on the floor so he could work on his crawling and play with some of his toys. Josie immediately came up behind him and hugged him, causing him to immediately start crying. She backed away and he laid on his back on the floor, stiff as a board and proceeded to cuss us both out. He wouldn't even bend when I tried to sit him back up by his toys.
Josie and I just looked at him laying there, giggling at how cute he was. She decided not to hug him anymore and went over to the TV to watch some Jimmy Neutron. I got Declan bent at the waist and he went back to playing with his toys.
Poor babies. They are so cute when they're angry.
Yesterday Josie had her Polly toys out and I told her she needed to clean them up if she was finished playing with them. Pollys are like small Barbies and Josie has a couple of them that have magnets inside of them and you can stick a bunch of different outfits on them. The shoes are tiny. The whole mess is full of Declan-chokers.
Anyway, we have a paper gift bag that Josie keeps all the Polly stuff in. It's easier to clean it up than it is not to. You just grab handfuls of the stuff and drop it in the bag. Carry the bag to the toy shelf and you're finished.
Josie doesn't see it that way.
Josie: Can't you help me?
Me: I'm feeding Declan right now. You can do it yourself. It's easy.
Josie: Well, I don't want you to just do things for Declan while I clean everything up all the time.
She truly lives in Bizarro World.
Anyway, we have a paper gift bag that Josie keeps all the Polly stuff in. It's easier to clean it up than it is not to. You just grab handfuls of the stuff and drop it in the bag. Carry the bag to the toy shelf and you're finished.
Josie doesn't see it that way.
Josie: Can't you help me?
Me: I'm feeding Declan right now. You can do it yourself. It's easy.
Josie: Well, I don't want you to just do things for Declan while I clean everything up all the time.
She truly lives in Bizarro World.
Today Josie was looking at the refridgerator, which is full of magnets holding up precious documents like her pre-K diploma.
Josie: What if magnets were never invented. You'd have to do this.
Takes magnet off her diploma and stands there holding the paper up with her hand against the refridgerator.
Smug. That's the word for the look on her face.
My beautiful genius.
Josie: What if magnets were never invented. You'd have to do this.
Takes magnet off her diploma and stands there holding the paper up with her hand against the refridgerator.
Smug. That's the word for the look on her face.
My beautiful genius.
I have been thinking about Father's Day a lot. I noticed last week that both Josie and Declan light up when Ian comes in the room. Josie jumps up and down and Declan squeals with delight. They both want to play with him. He plays like a madman. He gets down on the floor and allows himself to be crawled on and manipulated into a million different positions. He lifts and carries and swings.
But it's their faces that light up. They see him every day and it still seems a special treat whenever he walks in the room. I love to see it. Corny as it sounds, it warms my heart.
He also puts Josie to bed at night while I put Declan to bed. When he can't do it I get annoyed. That's how spoiled I am.
When he puts Josie to bed he makes up stories with her. Usually he is playing Jurgen Von Strangle (from Fairly Odd Parents) and Josie is Timmy's friend "Josie." The stories get so loud and interactive I have to close her door to keep them from waking the baby.
Tomorrow he will be taking Josie to see Madagascar. Again.
My dad was and is a great man and a great father (despite his being more distant than men of my generation tend to be). It was always apparent to us that he loved us immensely.
His greatest gift to me was to inspire me to find a man of similar quality.
Thanks Dad. Thanks Ian. I promise to make sure that my children grow up knowing how fortunate they are.
It will help if I remember to write something like this on the actual Father's Day, but you get the point.
But it's their faces that light up. They see him every day and it still seems a special treat whenever he walks in the room. I love to see it. Corny as it sounds, it warms my heart.
He also puts Josie to bed at night while I put Declan to bed. When he can't do it I get annoyed. That's how spoiled I am.
When he puts Josie to bed he makes up stories with her. Usually he is playing Jurgen Von Strangle (from Fairly Odd Parents) and Josie is Timmy's friend "Josie." The stories get so loud and interactive I have to close her door to keep them from waking the baby.
Tomorrow he will be taking Josie to see Madagascar. Again.
My dad was and is a great man and a great father (despite his being more distant than men of my generation tend to be). It was always apparent to us that he loved us immensely.
His greatest gift to me was to inspire me to find a man of similar quality.
Thanks Dad. Thanks Ian. I promise to make sure that my children grow up knowing how fortunate they are.
It will help if I remember to write something like this on the actual Father's Day, but you get the point.