How'd I end up here?

[chelle]

My father

My father called this morning. And now I am feeling hurt and unwanted and unloved. I have been instantly transported back to all the times when I was a child. He wasn't a good father when my parents were married and that didn't change after the divorce. Well of course it didn't, what was I thinking? There have been many a story of times he stayed out all night drinking, how he neglected us children, how the only income he had coming in was from the band he was in and that most nights he drank that away while playing.

When I was twelve he got married for the third time. They have a daughter. T is 13 years younger then me. So that makes her 30 now for those of you who are bad with math. As an adult, any relationship that I might have with my father and his wife have been at my instigation. Always I was the one that called and invited myself and the girls up for visits. I don't want to be the one that instigates all the time. I want to be called because the person calling me wants to call me not always having to invite myself over. Is that so hard to understand?

A couple of years ago he had some serious health problems and spent most of a year and a half in nursing home or rehab centers. He cannot walk very well now, but he has improved. Last year I invited them to family functions twice. Once for my daughter's high school graduation and once for a cook out. Both times my invitation was declined because he couldn't travel that far. But then a month after the second invite, he did travel that far for some stupid reunion of his stupid band. And at Christmas and again in March he travelled even farther. Twice the distance, to T's house. On Father's Day I called him. We talked for a bit, and I, once again, invited myself up to see him at some future date. This morning he called me out of the blue.... good on him for thinking of it, but the conversation, well I guess he just doesn't get it. Because I got to hear all about his trips and all about how they finally got T that Barbie Corvette that she wanted when she was a little girl. You know, he says, the one that we never got around to replacing when we discovered it was broken. The one that Santa took back to repair. That one that T keeps mentioning every few years. Never fucking mind that the girls and I didn't even get a card. Never mind that they got me a charm bracelet when I was 15, then took it back to have the charms soldered on and never gave it back to me. I never got my charm bracelet. I want my charm bracelet.

It is not that I am upset because we didn't get anything, I am upset because I feel that we are unimportant. Never fucking mind that he can travel twice the distance to see her but not come see me. I'm tired of it, and I am angry. And I want to stop trying, oh how I want to stop trying, but then when he is gone I know that I will feel this huge burden of guilt because I didn't try hard enough when he was alive. My brothers can't get over the hurt and anger and resentment and won't see or speak to him. Maybe I should join the club, but I can't. I still love my father, I still want him to love me and to think about me and to want me around. I want my father.

I am hurt and I am angry and I feel like a child for feeling the way I do. How can I be almost 43 and feel like this?

 

[chelle]

First I want to thank Tango and Sugarsnit for the kind words. I didn't sleep well again today. Kept waking up. Still feeling sad about what happened with my father, but I will get through it like I have every other time. I would have replied with a pm, but it kept asking me to log in every time I tried.

Last night at work, well I guess it was morning as it was around 5 am, I had a couple of spells. I broke out in a clammy sweat, I felt all fluttery inside, and light-headed. When I tried to take my pulse, to see if my heart rate was up, I could barely feel it. Some think it might have been low blood sugar as I hadn't eaten in about 10 hours, but I have gone even longer then that before. Like on Monday. I ate around noon that day and then didn't eat again until 10 on Tuesday morning. Maybe it is a cumulative thing. All I know is I have to force myself to eat most times. I've started smoking again also. Tardis is not too happy about both my not eating and the smoking, but if I eat and stop smoking I'll get fat again and I don't want to get fat again. I want to lose at least another 30 pounds. I don't want to be fat anymore.

Monday night while on break, I was flipping through a magazine and came across this.

Love is a second life; it grows into the soul, warms every vein, and beats in every pulse. Joseph Addison

 

[chelle]

Work

Work was hell last night and I have no one to blame but myself. I went and ordered a 500+ piece truck, knowing that there were only the three of us to work it. Oh well, at least it kept me busy and didn't leave me time to think. And I am so exhausted that I doubt I will have problems sleeping. Let me tell you about my job.

I am a stockboy....no really, when the woman who does receiving calls back for someone to move a bale of cardboard, that is what she says, "stockboy to receiving". The first night it happened I looked at my coworker, who was also female and said, "Well I guess that is me." Actually I am more than a stockboy, I am the unofficial assistant night manager. When he is on vacation (as he is this week) or has a night off, I am in charge and do his job. Which includes doing the grocery order.

We get trucks three nights a week. Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. The night manager and I go in at 9:30 on those nights and break the truck down, which basically means we pull the cases off the pallets and put them on the carts. Some nights that can be a real bitch, because I swear there must be a sadistic person who works in the warehouse. We often have large items, such as 5 gallon cases of water, or 42 pound cases of cat litter on the top of the pallets. Over my head. Now that is hard work, pulling them things down. After the pallets that are on the first manifest are on the carts we haul them out and start stocking the shelves. Usually there are 4 of us, the other 2 come in at 11. After we finish those carts, we go back and break down the pallets on the second manifest. Most nights we have 5 or more pallets to do. Last night we had 7.

On the nights we don't have a truck we pull backstock and run that and then face the shelves. Easy work facing shelves, unless you have obsessive compulsive tendencies such as mine. Like if there is a set that is 2 or more rows, I have the compulsion to make those rows even. And facing Jello...now there is a nightmare some nights. Seems like I invariably destroy the set next to the one I am facing. I swear they ought to put weights on those boxes...especially the sugar free.

I like my job, I like working in the grocery business... I get a sense of satisfaction from the neat, stocked shelves. And besides which, it is a physical job. Which means I have lost a lot of weight and I have firmed up those flabby areas.

And now that I have bored you all with a description of what it is like to be a stockboy in a grocery store, I hope you all have a better appreciation of the work that is put into making sure your local stores are kept stocked.

 

[chelle]

Rambling on

Yesterday, I got to bed about 10:30, seems with one thing and another bed just kept getting put off. Frist my brother called wanting to know where the mall was in Champaign, then my uncle called to tell my mom he was going to be stopping off for donuts and then would be over for coffee. Mom was over at another uncle's picking black raspberries so I stayed up to keep him company while waiting for her to get back. Then I ended up cleaning the berries and putting them in freezer bags until the time comes to make jam. Which hopefully will be soon as I am out of black raspberry jam and it is one of my favorites, then finally I got to bed.

I got up 3 hours later, deciding to surprise tardis by being online when he logged on to check his emails before work. While we were chatting my older daughter got online. She was sick. Sore throat, fever. I ended up going to pick her up so that I could take her to the doctor today. Unfortunately she is 19 so is not on the Hoosier Healthwise program like her sister is so I had to find the money to pay for the doctor and her medicine. But my guy came through and sent me the money. I started to argue...this stupid independent streak of mine... but I knew I would lose anyway, and sometimes you gotta let go of that independence. You can bet her father wouldn't come through with them money...which is another story in itself and one that will keep since it pisses me off so damn much. But it won't be much longer in coming.

Anyhow, it turns out she has 3 infections, sinus, throat, and the sores in her mouth are some kind of yeast infection. She used to get it when she was much much younger. So three different kinds of medicine. Joy... But at least she can still work, so she went back this afternoon, with a doctors note for work cause some places can be a real bitch about missed time.

And now... well I am in the middle of mowing the lawn with my new hydro static riding mower (wonder when the novelty of that will wear off). I came in to meet tardis, but he had a call out . So I will now go back and finish my yard.

Burns and Minou..have fun, enjoy each other, make every minute count and well I hate to admit it, there is just a little envy coming your way from the midwest.

 

[chelle]

My ex, the bloody wanker

He has been out of work for over 3 months now. His father pays his bills. He sits on his ass all day and does nothing. He is not actively looking for a job. And he doesn't care. He doesn't see that it is actually his daughters that are suffering. I am doing all I can and giving all I can and it just isn't enough. They are going without. My older daughter, well I posted about the doctor's visit. Office call 60 dollars...the one med we had to buy 15...gas for her father to take her back to her place 10. So I tell tardis this, letting him know where his money went, and he expressed surprise that her father wouldn't even take her back without asking for gas money. He has no money, but that is okay cause he ain't suffering. Only his daughters are. Our oldest has no money, no food, and it is a week until she gets paid again and that will be a small check, and it is hurting me so much inside seeing them go without and not being able to do a damn thing about it. And all he can say is, "Well thank goodness it wasn't worse." What wasn't worse, what could be worse? And sometimes I feel like it is all my fault, that I let them down in choosing a father for them that is so much like my own. It is so hard not being able to make this right for them. Sometimes I think about sending an email to my ex-father-in-law telling him all this, but I don't know what good that will do. Just seems to me, if he is willing to pay his son's bills and make sure he doesn't go without, he should be willing to do the same for his granddaughters. Or he can quit making life easy for his son.

 

[chelle]

I asked my Uncle D this morning to teach me how to throw a punch. I have the muscle to put behind one now. So he showed me. He pretty much knows who I want to hit. And he doesn't blame me for feeling that way. My Uncle E, however, feels that my throwing a punch at him wouldn't be a good idea. He thinks the repercussions would be too great. And he is probably right, so I will just stay away from him. Cause there is so much anger in me right now, I am not sure I can trust myself.

Tardis and I talked last night, trying to come up with some way to make things better for the girls without me working myself into a state of exhaustion with 2 jobs. I came up with something this morning, but there are some downsides to the solution. The solution is to get one job that pays better and has tons of overtime. It is hard work. Unloading trucks at a distribution center. My uncle feels I can do it. This would be good. They start out there at 9 dollars an hour, 2 dollars more than I make now. And there are more days then not that I could work a 12-16 hour shift. Sounds good. But, I doubt they would let me take the 2-3 weeks I will need in February to go get married. I think I would have to be there a year. So now I am back to weighing what I want to do for me with what I need to do for the girls. I am used to putting myself last. But this time... I don't know. Tardis and I will have to talk about it.

 

[chelle]

A mystery

This weekend I have noticed a new bug flying around the yard. It is a little bitty thing, looks like a piece of ash floating in the air. My uncle caught one on Sunday and we looked closely at it. The body was white and feathery in appearance and there were transparent wings were the eyebrows would be, if bugs had eyebrows that is. I haven't been able to identify it on the web, I have asked old lady for help and she has been unsuccessful so far also. I appreciate her helping with the mystery. Now Tango had her own method of helping. We had the following conversation the other night (paraphrased cause my memory sucks):

Me: There is a strange bug flying around in my yard. Kind of freaks me out. I hate not knowing what bugs do. What if it burrows under your skin or something?

Her: Or what about if you accidently breathe it in?

Me: Well, thanks for putting that thought into my head.

It was a sucky weekend for the most part. Tardis and my schedule really seemed to conflict. Usually we have more time on weekends, but with him working his Saturday and me working my Saturday that pretty much took care of it. I really missed him too. Especially on Sunday when my uncle and his fiancee were here. She is from Alabama and he drives down regularly to see her or she flies up here. An 8 hour drive sure seems like nothing compared to a 24 hour flight. But watching them interact made me miss my guy. Made me miss "us". And now he is sick and all I want to do is go take care of him. Make him tea and chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Baby him better. Badger him into taking it easy and getting the rest he needs to get better. :mope:

I have spent a lot of time working in the yard lately. Got the mowing done on Friday. Saturday morning I worked in the flower beds, pruned the rose bushes, cut back a volunteer Mulberry tree that grows against the house, weeded around the foundation of the house, and did the mowing that I can't get to with the rider, such as under the apple tree in the back yard. The branches drag the ground. Going to look into learning how to prune trees I think. All totalled I think I spent 5 hours working outside on Saturday. First time I had really done that much yard work, was amazed to discover that I actually enjoy it. I think it has something to do with the satisfaction of a job well done. Here in a little bit I plan on doing more weeding in some of the other flower beds. Mom really likes her flowers.

Yesterday we helped my uncle paint the walls in one of his rental properties. We helped clean it up and such last week. He wants to repay us by taking us to Madison, Indiana, but my mother told me this morning that she can't go. With her bad back she can't get around very well and there will be a lot of walking. So I guess we won't be doing that. And I was really looking forward to a few days away.

Allergies are really bad this morning. Think I will take a couple of Benadryl and go to bed.

 

[chelle]

mystery solved

Suffering terribly from allergies today. I feel another sneezing fit coming on... :exp: Feel marginally better now...

Mystery has been solved. I discovered the bugs on my mother's tulip poplars this morning, emailed the entymology department at Purdue University and they got right back to me. Wooly aphids it is. Can be controlled with systemic insecticide, but as I noticed plenty of natural biological controls already feasting away, it has been decided we don't want to spray.

find out more here

Thank you again old lady for the help in solving this mystery. Oh and Tango thanks for your help also.

Tardis....go to bed, get plenty of rest. Don't make me have to come over there...... On second thoughts...go ahead, make me.

Edited because I forgot to put in the link and then it only took me three tries. But I did it. :up:

 

[chelle]

sometimes there's hope

I have posted about my relationship with my father and how I keep trying. I had a brief conversation with him this morning on messenger.


Dad: Hi Sweetie

Me: Hi Dad

Dad: When you coming up for a visit? I am really looking forward to seeing you.

Me: Don't know for sure...may be the end of July or sometime in August. Finances are kinda tight with the girls' father not paying support.

Dad: Okay Sweetie. Bye... Love ya.

That was the entire conversation. I've noticed his conversations on messenger are very short. I can't remember the last time he called me sweetie, or told me he loves me. Maybe I should try harder to come up with the money for the trip.

 

[chelle]

riding in style

My dear sweet uncle loaned me his pickup for a couple of days. Well actually I mostly borrowed it for today cause I didn't want to have to put up with the ex in order to go pick up my daughter, but he suggested I take it to work last night also. Wow... Chevy Silverado Z71 Offroad. Extended cab. All the extras...CD player, comfy padded seats, air conditioning. I have decided I no longer want a sports car... I want a truck just like his.

Powerball is now up to 200 million. I bought a ticket for last night's draw. Last of the big time gamblers. $1. While stocking cat food, my coworker and I joked around about a multi-millionaire stocking shelves. I said, "I wonder what it will be like to fly first class? No wait, on second thoughts I'll just charter a private jet." He said, "Why stop there, if you are going to dream, then dream big. Buy your own jet." I like the way he thinks. But alas.. I am not a multi-millionaire. Guess I'll have to spend another dollar for Saturday.

 

[chelle]

good news?

The other morning at work, I asked the office manager/bookkeeper if the big boss had said anything to her about my transferring to the office. She said that he had and asked me how much longer I would be here. I told her at least 2 years, which is true unfortunately. This morning she and I were joking around and I complained about having to share a cashier number with my boss. You see, his name shows up on the register tape, and I am tired of people calling me by his name. I told her I wanted my own number. She said she was working on something else for me. Could it be? Will I get the transfer? I certainly hope so, even if it means I will have to actually start exercising if I want to continue to keep losing weight. It could also mean that I won't be able to fly back to NZ in February for 2 weeks. It may be put off a few more months. Not happy about that, but I am not going to worry about it and borrow trouble. Seems I borrow enough trouble as it is without adding to it.

Sometimes I worry that he is growing tired of me. I know it is stupid, but I can't seem to help myself. I worry that the distance thing will become too much for him to handle. I know that I make it sound like it is too much for me to handle at times, but I would not give him up for anything. Like I told him in an email, I would rather have what we have now then have nothing at all. I can not imagine what it would be like to no longer have him in my life.

Minou... you are in my thoughts. You and Burns enjoy what time you have left and don't worry about how long you will have to be apart again. Easy to say, harder to do. I know.

 

[chelle]

Warning... this is not a cheerful post

My brother had another heart attack yesterday morning. My mother went to the hospital with his wife. I haven't heard any more updates on his condition, only thing I know is that they are looking at his electrolytes and potassium level as a possible cause of these. They seem to happen after he has been working in the hot sun, which he did on Sunday.

Although I worked Sunday night, I still stayed up and watched the kids. I had my brother's twins, age 9, my sister's boy, age 5, and my sister's fiancee's baby, age 2. That was a lot of fun most of the time, I tickled, and chased and played "Trot to Town" and bounced him on my leg. I also taught him something new. I told him "night night" closed my eyes and then faked snored. He copied me. It was so cute. He does pattycake really well, and will repeat anything you say, even sentences. He is a very bright child. The worst part of having the kids was that I was still up when my ex came to pick up my daughter to take her back to campus.

First he was to take her into Illinois to get new frames for her glasses. We live only a few miles across the state line. Anyway it is about a 50 mile round trip there and then another 80 to Terre Haute and back. So he tells her that she needs to go ahead and put all her stuff in the back of his pickup so that he can conserve gas (which I put in his truck). I took exception to that idea as one of the things she had was her computer. I told him that it was only a 2 mile round trip from the highway to the house. He of course got nit-picky and added an extra half mile. I told him that if it was that much of a problem then she had some money and could give him a couple of extra dollars, then stormed off to my room. I hate him. I hate him for what he is and what he has made of me. For the worries that he has caused me to live with and for the tears he has caused me to shed. I hate him for what he has put the girls through mostly. I want to tell him to go away. I want to punch him, really hard. I want to tell him of what I think of him for sitting on his ass and letting his girls go without.

The worries of how we are going to make it through are always right there at the front of my mind, waiting for me to drop my guard. Sure we have the necessities, mostly. But the girls need stuff. And there are my older daughter's college expenses. The car needs new brakes and has started making a noise that sounds like it is in the axle. There is no money for repairs, or for a new car. I appreciate my uncle letting me have his truck to use on the nights I have to drive to work, but that won't always be the case. And if I do transfer to the office then I will have to drive to work 5 days a week instead of 1 or 2. Right now I ride with my boss on the nights we both work. I could get a second job, but there aren't any places hiring here in this little town I live in and well with no car then no driving the 20+ miles to work. I will think of something, I have to think of something. And soon.

Reading the emotions of Burns and Minou, well I can empathize and sympathize. I understand more then many can. It hurts being apart. And sometimes I need him so much. Not to fix the things that are wrong, but to hold me and to comfort me when I need it. To make me smile when I can't seem to anymore. To hold me when I cry and tell me that it will be okay.

Edited to add another little bit of bad news... My uncle is taking his truck home today. :mope:

 

[chelle]

I never thought I would do this.

My daughter is at an academic enrichment program on the local college campus. The closing ceremony is the 19th of this month. I am hoping she didn't tell her father about it. I never thought I would do this to my girls, but if she did, then I am going to have to tell her that if he goes I won't go. It would be for the best. I don't think I could keep a civil tongue in my head.

My uncle's truck is gone. But he did say I could still use it when I needed to. So I guess I took good enough care of it. He has so many little quirks.

I've been up all day. I should sleep, but I don't think I can. Besides it is getting to late and I would be up all night. I figure I hang in there until 8 pm that gives me 7 hours before I meet tardis online tonight.

He sent me photos from our weekend at Castlepoint. I want to go back.

 

[chelle]

For the past several nights the area has been hit with severe storms. There is major flooding along the Wabash. Towns north of us have seen as much as 9 inches of rain in one night. I have been at work these nights, so haven't witnessed much of it. It is easy to ignore stormy weather when you are staying busy inside a supermarket. But today... or yesterday actually...

I was home alone, messing around on the computer when my mother's bedroom door started banging in the draft. I came out of my room to see what was going on and saw and heard the wind. Trees whipping, items blowing away. I turned on the weather channel and heard about the winds in excess of 80 mph. I started to get nervous. If the girls had been home or if I had had my neice and nephews then I would have hid it, or remained calm. And then the power went off. I went outside and noticed the garage door flying open in risk of being torn off it's hinges, so I shut it again and put a log in front of it. I heard a tree go down in the woods behind the garage. I was no longer nervous, I was scared. I saw the neighbor sitting outside on her porch with her granddaughter (age 26). I hurried on over there, told them since the girls were gone I was going to be a baby about the storm and asked them if I could sit with them. So I had tea and we smoked and watched the storm. Still no thunder, or lightening, or rain. Just that awful wind. And then we heard a terrible loud cracking noise. A tree fell on the house across the street. And then the wind died down. Final damage report... we lost a limb off the tulip poplar in front, and an even bigger one off the maple. But they didn't fall on anything so damage is only to the trees. Trees down everywhere around town.

Around 1:50 am I was woke by lightning and thunder. Finally we got some rain with it. Amazingly, this middle of the night storm didn't scare me, After thinking that the power better not go off and keep me from meeting tardis, I went back to sleep. Go figure.

 

[chelle]

I had a bad dream this morning. So bad, it made me call Tardis when I woke. You see, I dreamt that I was with him. And we were visiting Tango. You lived somewhere different Tango, but it was cool. Anyway, we had gone to a fancy shopping complex. All in one building with a restaurant/bar in the middle. He let me out near the door, and went off to park the van. I went in and found a seat in the bar to wait for him. While waiting some guy came and asked me to dance. At first I refused, but then realized that Tardis really wouldn't mind if I danced with someone else and agreed. After the dance was over, Tardis still hadn't arrived so I went looking for him. I tried getting out of the complex. I couldn't remember the way and there were all these people. Some important politicians were there and everyone started singing the national anthem of New Zealand. I finally got outside, and looked around for the van. I thought I saw it in another parking lot, but then I realized all the vans were the same as his and decided that it was the parking lot for some company and his van wouldn't be there. So by then I was frantic and headed back for Tango's by myself. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't get him on his mobile. I was worried, scared. Frantic. I got back to Tango's and we called the police. They came, and started talking about how there were these guys and that it may be the work of them. We pulled my email up and I found one from him, with the time stamp on it falling into the recent time. In it, he told me he was dead, and then the police came and said they found him in his van, in that parking lot that I had seen. He had been shot in the head. But then Tardis was with me, and he was apologizing for being shot and for leaving me alone, that he wished he had never left me to park the van. And all I could say was, "I wish you had changed your will." For you see, I didn't want to leave the house that we shared. I wanted to stay there in New Zealand and be where we were together. And that upset him more and he was blinking his eyes really fast and apologizing and holding me and I said, "maybe you're not dead, maybe it is just part of a dream, maybe this is all a dream." and then I woke up crying. Mother says I was crying out in my sleep, and that she was about ready to come and wake me. I called him and cried and told him about the dream.

I hate this. I know that part of the reason I dreamt it had to do with my fear that something will happen and we won't be able to be together. I want to be with him. I need to be with him, and 2 years is such a long time away. And I am scared. I am scared it won't happen. I am scared I will lose him and at the same time I know that he won't leave me if he can help it and so my subconcious came up with a way that he could leave me and it not be his fault. I wish I could have curled up in his arms to cry this morning. I needed the comfort and security of his arms. It has been less than 2 months since I left him. I wish he could come here. I understand why he can't really I do, but it hurts. I need him and it hurts. And I try not to be a baby about it and I try not to cry. And I try not to complain. And then I spiral down, out of control and I do. I don't want him to know these things because I don't want him to feel badly. But if I don't get them out I get worse and this is the only outlet I have. I don't know what to do.

Sometimes I hate myself. :mope:

 

[chelle]

fasten your seat belts folks... we're in for a bumpy ride

Don't know where I have read that before or where I stole it from, but it sure applies. Finding it more and more difficult to pull myself out of this one. I haven't eaten. I have no desire to eat. I have no desire to do much of anything actually. Maybe I need a time out.

 

[chelle]

The three Bs

I'm bored, I'm broke, and sometimes on the verge of being very bitchy. Thinks are back to normal here in Indiana.

I miss Tardis. So much. Sometimes I just need to hear his voice and there is no way I can do that. I miss our text messages that we would exchange when I was in New Zealand. Those little one or two word sentences that would let the other person know we were thinking of them. Sometimes I just want to tell him I love him and there is no way to do that. Phone calls to his mobile are just too damn expensive. Money I don't need to be spending.

I worry about my girls. School starts in a month and I don't have the money for the needs that they have. I have started an email to my ex's father several times, only to decide that maybe it isn't such a good idea after all and cancel it.

Going away for a couple of days. My uncle is footing the bill. Bless him. Though I don't know if I will have much fun or be much company. I wonder how understanding they would be if all I wanted to do is be by myself. :bleagh:

 

[chelle]

phone bill

We got the first phone bill since I have been back. My international calls totaled 3.97. The best thing is I discovered that calls to his mobile are also either 9 or 17 cents a minute. :up: So now I can call him when I need to and he is at work. See, when I am up and can call he is at work. When I am at work, he is at home. So it never worked out. But now I can. I am just soooo excited about that.

Off on my trip in the morning. Two days, all expenses paid. Should be a nice change.

 

[chelle]

The trip

The trip was fun. I have several stories to share, but I am going to wait until after I talk with Tardis. I don't want him to have read it here and then have to listen to the same stuff. One thing especially is what the trip has made me realize. Something that I didn't know was important to me until it was brought up.

 

[chelle]

trip part 2

Where to begin. Madison Indiana is a very scenic town, situated right on the bank of the Ohio river. It is a very historic town, with renovated Shotgun houses and mansions. For those of you who might not know, a shotgun house is one that is very long and very narrow. They were built that way because land was taxed based on the width. I have never been in one, but they are cute houses. I once heard that the reason they are called Shotgun houses is because you can stand at the front door and shoot a bullet straight through and out the backdoor. We stayed at a place called Hillside Inn. Had a very nice view of the river from our balcony.

Close to Madison is Clifty Falls State Park. There are 4 waterfalls there, Big Clifty, Little Clifty and then 2 others. It is named for the creek that runs through there. We saw Big and Little Clifty, my sister and I walked out on to a platform and got a really good view of Big Clifty.

I recommend both Madison and the park as places to visit.

And now to expand on Tardis' post.

See, here is what happened. On the drive down to Madison we drove through some very beautiful areas. And my mother said that I should bring him there to see it. And then it was decided that it would be better for us to marry here. That way they can meet him and the girls could be at the wedding. At first the idea was for us to marry in Madison and then stay a few days. But I decided I would rather marry in my uncle's back yard. He has a very beautiful farmhouse with verandas and sweeping staircases in the back and a big porch in the front. We would have a reception there for the family and then leave for Madison. There are apartments and houses there that can be rented for a minimum of 3 days. It would make a nice little honeymoon. All that was left now was to decide when and to find out if he would be willing.

My first thought was October. But it was pointed out that I wouldn't have much money then and we should wait until April when I had my tax check. So that means more of a wait.

So I laid out my plan to him tonight and asked him if he would be willing and he agreed.

Tango, I know that you are going to be disappointed, and that his parents will be too. Or at least his mother, but we can marry again there or have some kind of reception. And what he said about you coming and staying at my uncles is true. You and stoater could do this. You can't come to Madison with us though. But we could visit Turkey Run State Park. Think about it. And thanks for the effort you have put in as my wedding planner.

And now, I deal with having to wait an additional 2 months before I will see my sweetie. But I think I can manage. Somehow.

Though really, I vote for plan C.