Harold Night Highlights 4/17/03

[tanouye]

PROLOGUE: NEW TEAM TUESDAY 4/15/03

Tuesday:

Polyunsaturated Walk-ons:

Homeless Ex-stockbroker 1: "This shirt made me millions ... and lost me 10 millions."
Homeless Ex-stockbroker 2: "This shirt reminds me of your wife."

Nurse (to confused doctor): "Scalpel?"
Chief Doctor: "Don't help him!"
Doctor: "That's not very supportive..."
Patient: "Should I be awake for this?"

Man escaping from death row: "I hope the Warden doesn't come by ... this is the time he usually goes walking."

DJ Tanner:

The opening: "10,000 funny looking ostriches in a room."

Sober Waiter (refusing to serve drunk waiter): "You know the rules here at T.G.I."

Irate Driver: "Hey, I'm trying to drive here!"
Pilot: "I just landed my Harrier to pick up this old lady."

 

[PatBaer]

Tuesday New Team:

DJ Tanner: Best first beat initiation EVER:

"I'm looking for some weird animals"

 

[PatBaer]

I teched some shows, so I wasn't really paying attention. But here's a couple things from OI's show that stood out.

Rhea (somewhat to the audience): So many groans for just a dead baby.

Gethard to Jinn: Don't you fucking patronize me you birthwhore!

 

[sarian the lion]

Dyna's "Time Wagon."

 

[spacedani]

I also teched some shows, and wasn't really paying attention, but I didn't tech cagematch:

Zach (to Brett and Sara): 'scuse me, can I borrow your syrup? [behind Sara's back, to Brett--makes slitting throat gesture]

Anthony (to Brett and Sara): "Do you mind if I borrow your salt?" [behind Brett's back, to Sara--makes slitting throat gesture]

 

[DeManti]

New Team:
"When is your wife's birthday?"
"...May...1st...1992"


The Swarm's timeout:

"MAH-chio or MAE-chio?"

-Angela

edited to add new team moment.

 

[Satan]

Th Syndicate:John Reynolds ass-rapes Birch Harms..then proposes.It brought a tear to my eye.

 

[Drifter Luke]

Tanouye's Doctor: "Your father was moved down the list of transplant recipients, which is ironic as his need for a transplant is increasing."

And Blumenfeld/Merritt with their own intestinal tracts wrapped around them.

 

[Cpt. USA]

Secunda: "Aw, the authorities don't do nothing about no Baby Crime Syndicate!"

 

[kate]

sarah burns' cop: talking about tanouye going to the "sizzler" ( i think that's what she called it)

 

[plasticpool]

Originally posted by spacedani
I also teched some shows, and wasn't really paying attention, but I didn't tech cagematch:

Zach (to Brett and Sara): 'scuse me, can I borrow your syrup? [behind Sara's back, to Brett--makes slitting throat gesture]

Anthony (to Brett and Sara): "Do you mind if I borrow your salt?" [behind Brett's back, to Sara--makes slitting throat gesture]

I could hear Zach's throat-slitting gesture from 20 feet away, it was so vigorous. I made a mental note to watch him for redness, scratches, and bleeding but I forgot.

 

[JoeDub]

New Team

At the Earth's core.

"All of this magma is making me a little parched."

--joe wengert

 

[Chris Kula]

HNH 4/17/03: Birch Takes It

New Team Harold

(A guy makes very flamboyant "shhh"-ing gestures to a girl, then makes a big flourish unlocking and opening a door)
Guy: Well, this is my place...
Girl: You are such a FAG!

8 p.m.

MY KICKASS VAN

Fountain (as the interviewer for an MTV spring break show): Okay, we do a lot of work in post, so ... "Hey, what do you think of (silent pause) ____ album?'"
(Jane answers excitedly about a certain record)
Fountain: Cool, but can you limit your answers to things like "Awesome" and try not to be gender specific with the artist?

9:30 p.m.

THE SYNDICATE

The Reynolds and Birch consensual anal sex scene: started off very funny, hit a high point, and then, from the very real way Birch was playing it, the scene got very painful and sympathetic and touching -- and awesome. Great tension (audience members squirming visibly when Reynolds but the horse's bridle in Birch's mouth) and release (Birch's capper: "Well, I guess this is what it means to be married...")

Reynolds: Superman was never president, you dumb fuck!

OPTIMIST INTERNATIONAL

Gethard (to McBrayer as his father): Dad? Hey, Dad? Dad ... um, and Mom--
Terry (as the mother): Well, thank you for even acknowledging me.
Gethard: --can I sleep in your bed? I think there's a monster in my closet. Dad, can I?
Terry: You can ask me, too, you know -- I'm standing right here.
Gethard: Dad, who is this woman talking to me?
McBrayer: First of all, there are no monsters. Second of all, that's not a woman -- that's your mother.

Cagematch

PRE-SHOW

The rowdiness of the Stage Right Audience Bank ("Stage Right rules, Stage Left sucks!")

Secunda (listening to the stage right and stage left audiences taunting each other): I think I'd rather see a Cagematch between these two.

DILLINGER

In their monologue snippets opening, Tanouye mimes eating and says, "I like dates that don't talk much." Several snippets later, Lennon comes out, silently mimes eating for three, four, five beats, then says, "Okay."

Antny (to Burns' immigrant who wishes to cross over in to America, regarding Brett's guitarist rocking out just across the border): Yeah, this happens everywhere.

THE SWARM

Suggestion is "Macchio."
Secunda goes into "Karate Kid" crane kick pose.
Billy walks on, smashes him with a baseball bat.

Secunda: How are those SARS hats coming?
Billy: You ... bastard, you know that's a touchy su-- wait, how are my what coming?
Secunda: Your SARS hats -- the hats you're making out of SARS.

Blumenfeld and Secunda operating their home entertainment center with levers, cranks, handwheels, and foot pumps.

Conroy (after Billy has walked on into the above scene as Ralph Macchio from "The Karate Kid") I couldn't help but overhear -- hi, I'm the blond guy that he fought in "The Karate Kid." (beat) Yeah, even I can't remember my name.

 

[El Jefe]

Dillinger's opening was a thing of beauty. So subtly symmetrical. Lennon's callback of Tanouye's "I like dates who don't talk much," Brett responding a couple beats later to Zach's "I eat, breathe and live The Scouts" with "I understanding the breathing and living...but eating them?"

And Anthony is the king of the supportive walk-on. As Zach's counterpart in Brett and Sarah's date from hell, and as the border guard.

Just their luck that the Swarm was even perfecter than usual. Billy and Dave as the woman and dog who both use the urinals at the rest stop...how can humor be so basic and genius at the same time?

(Two Swarm cagematches in a row filled with hobos and dead dogs. I'm still laughing at Delaney last week, as the dying dog looking pleadingly into Billy's eyes. Billy shoots it in the forehead. "I like to get right in their face and see that look.")

 

[Car]

STAGE RIGHT!

 

[MarkOn10th]

At some point Seth gives Brian some peyote. . .and as he's walking off stage Brian EATS the peyote and the most marvelous smile creeps across his face. . .he's FLYING!!! I think only about 7 people sees this moment but it is GREAT.

 

[PatBaer]

I truly enjoyed the fact that in the mist of "STAGE RIGHT" and "STAGE LEFT" shouts, Dillinger's suggestion was "concession stand".

That, and the nice walkons by the two guys in the front row who really needed to pee and didn't care if they walked on stage.

 

[Jabor]

Originally posted by PatBaer
I teched some shows, so I wasn't really paying attention. But here's a couple things from OI's show that stood out.

Originally posted by spacedani
I also teched some shows, and wasn't really paying attention, but I didn't tech cagematch:

This is a joke, right?
Please, for the love of improv, tell me that this is a joke.

 

[PatBaer]

When I say I wasn't paying attention, I mean I wasn't listening so closely to each word that I could remember exactly what was said and who said. While I did watch the shows, its pretty busy in the booth and not the same as sitting in the audience.

 

[Jabor]

When you're in the booth you have to pay closer attention than anyone else in the room.
Otherwise, instead of knowing when the piece has truly reached it's organic finale, you'll only know that there was a big laugh around a certain time period.

I'm not saying you don't pay attention, Pat. I have no idea if you do or not. I'm just saying that this is my philosophy when I'm in the booth.
I watch like a hawk and sweat through the whole show.
It's a big responsibility - you're a ninth player in the Harold.
It made me really nervous sometimes, so honestly, I don't envy you. But if you're doing it right, then I do respect you.
I know Harold Team members can be real whiners about their blackouts. If you're paying attention, then you can tell them all to shut it, because you used your best judgement.
But if you aren't paying attention, well, then...

-- Jane Borden