Ground up!

[Conklin]

I am missing Philadelphia hard right now. I have a performance jones that cannot be scratched. For the past two weeks or so everything has been clicking and I have been feeling great every time I step up to do something -- scene, exercise, opening, whatever. It's like Forrest Gump when he started running and the leg braces fell off so he could run fast and then he got to meet JFK. But I'm 3-4 weeks away from performing, and I have to suspect that I will not feel as awesome then as I do now. It doesn't seem possible that I will be able to maintain momentum for a month. And this is why I miss my Haverford/Philadelphia experience. I never had to wait around to be cast or scheduled. When we felt it was time to do a show, we did a damn show. We booked a space, promoted, and performed.

Right now I feel like I have so many balls in the air when it comes to improv, and yet I don't feel like I'm building toward anything. I guess I know I'm generally building toward being a better performer. I wish there was a more concrete goal. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to be a better performer. I need other, attainable steps in this process.

I'm going to root around my psyche awhile and see if I can find a more precise cause to my general malaise.
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Edit: Page 5! This ain't no punkass little journal no more!

 

[Conklin]

I had my last class this past Thursday. We spent most of the time horseshoed up and each of us in turn went front and center and heard the opinions of the rest of the class on what our strengths and weaknesses are. Then Zach would chime in and elaborate. Of course I was last which was a little distracting in the second half of the exercise. I realized there weren't that many names left and mine had yet to be called. Still, I think I had some insightful things to add to the discussion. I hope people found my notes helpful.

I got a wide range of answers about my strengths: apparently my classmates think I'm professional, that my love for improv comes through in my scenes, that I play a variety of different sorts of characters, that my fundamentals are strong and that allows me to concentrate on making good choices in the scene, and I think some other stuff I'm forgetting. It's hard to concentrate in the hot seat. As for my weaknesses, they were very astute in picking things for me to work on: projecting confidence, playing bigger, and some other stuff. Zach had some very complimentary things to say. He told me that he is glad to have me here working with DSI, that I take notes well and work hard on implementing them, etc. All around it was a good boost while I was feeling a little down.

We also learned that Corey Brown will be teaching level two, which I'm thrilled about. Zach was a tremendous teacher but I think it's valuable to learn from as many different people as possible over the course of a training program. Maybe someday when I have the time and money I would retake level two with Zach to get his take on the skills and exercises, but for now a new eye can only be beneficial. I'm also incredibly psyched that it seems like most of the class is staying together. I love this group. If we stick together and come up through the ranks together, I think there are the makings of an awesome team in this class. 3-4 months from now when we finish level three, that is going to be one hell of an audition.
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It looks like I'll be going the crap job route again, at least for now. This has been the biggest downer for me as of late. I had very high hopes of finding something more agreeable but that doesn't seem to be in the cards, at least not right now. On top of the fact that I expect to find the job shitty, I'm very worried about scheduling and improv. I was hoping for a 9-5. That is really what I need. The retail world does not work that way however. So there are good odds that I will be at improv events or work basically every evening, which as all you math pros know leaves almost no time to spend with Jasmine. Why was I unable to get a job on campus? It would have been convenient and almost certainly less soul-suckingly bad. I hate running registers and I hate stocking shelves.

I feel bad complaining though because we do really need the money. Jasmine met me in the store at which I was interviewing and said, "Thank you. I know how bad you feel about this, and I can tell it's going to suck, so thank you for doing it anyway." Talk about pre-emptively destroying any tantrum I might have thrown.

I really am smart and hardworking, I swear. Give me a chance, world!

 

[Conklin]

Great improv day yesterday. It broadened my horizons. It's like in Dead Poet's Society when Robin Williams makes everyone stand on the desks to see the room differently, except not contrived or trite or dumb.

Also there is no secret project and I am not coaching DSI performers despite having only completed level one. It's all hearsay and conjecture!

This communication is over.

 

[Conklin]

I spent the first hour of my rehearsal yesterday in my head. Or rather out of my body. I couldn't stop myself from making bad moves. And we were focusing on environment/object work which is the least comfortable aspect of improv for me. As I've said before, I can barely manipulate real objects. Having to rock out on nonexistent things is therefore quite challenging.

Things picked up when we played some space jump. My characters got better and I was more comfortable. Ryan gave me a great note: just start. Don't wait to react. Big problem for me. I'm afraid to make that initial choice at the top until I see what everyone else has. And the one time I did, it was very weird but I stuck to it. It's bad when you don't hear the location prompt for your scene. Do these sentences belong together?

I feel like my paragraph breaks are arbitrary today.