Gorgeous

[GrassHoper]

Today was the same. Im still lost and confused. I know things will work out I just want to know when Freakin when. Im just glad I have someone I can trust. Thats another issue Im dealing with. People that I could talk to about anything..and I was always there for them and stuff like that have just like pushed me away. Whether they meant to or not they did. And I think they know. There old enough not that mature but old enough to know you dont do that to people. I would never just drop someone like 'they' have done to me. Unless I had a good reason but Id tell them before I did. I havent done anything to 'them' for 'them' to do that. I just really dnt understand. How can people be so stupid and mean.
Im just glad for the people who are nice and who do belive in me...and when they say there my friend they mean it.
-Me

 

[GrassHoper]

Gorgeous
Posted on 01-22-2003 at 07:52 PM
Today was the same. Im still lost and confused. I know things will work out I just want to know when Freakin when. Im just glad I have someone I can trust. Thats another issue Im dealing with. People that I could talk to about anything..and I was always there for them and stuff like that have just like pushed me away. Whether they meant to or not they did. And I think they know. There old enough not that mature but old enough to know you dont do that to people. I would never just drop someone like 'they' have done to me. Unless I had a good reason but Id tell them before I did. I havent done anything to 'them' for 'them' to do that. I just really dnt understand. How can people be so stupid and mean.
Im just glad for the people who are nice and who do belive in me...and when they say there my friend they mean it.
-Me

 

[GrassHoper]

You're just to good to be true, cant take my eyes off you

I'm bored. I hate snow!! I promise when I graduate Im moving to and Island. That would rock. Its so funny b/c when I say Iam..I really think I will. lol.....Ya me and my red corvette on a beautiful Island. woah...
lol...anways...Shows how bored Iam.
You know I may have to go to school on sat. b/c of this freakin snow? Thats crazy.
I had this crazy weird fraky dream last night. I dreamed that I lived in a hot air balloon . Weird huh.
One of my good friends is getting married and im really excited. For one im gonna be her maid of honor second...I think its great. Her and her man are soo happy. Im glad they are finally getting married. They deserve each other.
Weddings are kind of scary though. Especially if you're not married. Like the whole time Im sitting there I always imagine mine. What colors and whose gonna be in it and what songs Ill play....I always leave out the groom though. lol....Wow.
Im really sad right now. I know now why people have journals. Its like talking to a friend that you never had. Each time a different reason.
Im gonna go draw....
ME-
Is there nothing that I can do to turn your heart?

 

[GrassHoper]

Music

Another effin snow day. Its not snowing..theres just snow on the ground. Its gonna be a long weekend.
Im really bothered with something right now. Well actually alot of things but one just stands out.I use to be good friends w/this "person". I could talk to this person about anything and now I cant. I judged some of his actions the wrong way.(well i think I did..b/c if he really did it on purpose then that would be bad)
And I kind of just realized that. I want to talk to him really bad. Just to say hey would be great. But I dont know what to do. At first I was like whatever ..but now I think he needs someone, He just doesnt look like himself when I see him. Ugh.......Why cant I have normal relationships. I mean friendships?? Theres something wrong w/me. And my best friend,.....like unbestfriended me w/this girl....that she just got to know. Well she knew her..but I went out of town came back and BAM- She has a new bestfriend. I mean its cool and everything I just wish she would've told me or something. Because now it'll make everything weird. So theres 2 relationships that have went byebye in like a months time. And now im worried a/b my B/F.

I think Im gonna get a career when i graduate that will let me work on a cruise ship. I was thinkin about it. Id get to go a ton of places meet a ton of people and have fun. Thatd be awesome. Oh well.......

Later.

 

[GrassHoper]

Freaky Freaky

What is up?
So me and the person talked...on IM....and it was great. It was a cool convo. One I've never had w/him before...But Im glad things are worked out. It felt weird, like good weird. But I dont think it meant as much to him though...The following night or so he said like one word to me...I was like ok...But oh well...I wish I was older. Thatd be cool.

I went tanning today...and boy Iam burnt. I had never fully undressed you know (Just b/c I didnt know the place that well ...and I didnt know how clean it was)
I had always left my underwear and bra on..and so I decided to go all the way today. And ugh...everytime I sit down...Im like gee wiz. But its worth no tan line!!...right

Tomorrow I have church. YEA.
Tomorrow I have school...YEA!!

Still nothing from my exbestfriend..I sound like a little kid saying that but oh well....I just want it to be "dated"....y'know...
Well Im off to bed...
Later.
-Me

:wishy: :wishy:

 

[GrassHoper]

Confusion.....

This week has totally sucked. I have been really depressed. You see I still can't talk to the love of my life....and boy does it hurt. I am just so scared of losing him. He told me not to cry anymore and I have done pretty good but the past three nights I have cried myself to sleep....I mean what sleep I haven't had much lets just say I cried until there was no more tears left to cry. It just hurts so bad. I couldn't tell you how much I miss him. I wish that I could just go back to the way things were. It feels like I am missing something that was everything to me and that made me oh so happy and now it is just emptiness. I love him more than I could ever say. I know it probably sounds stupid but it is just how I feel. And it hurts so bad. Like when I see him but I can't speak and when I think about all the memories we have and read his old e-mails it just makes me so upset. Maybe I shouldn't do that to myslef but what's a girl to do when she can't sleep and just feels like giving up??? I wish that I had someone that understood. I mean I do but it's the one person that I can't talk to HIM....and that isn't helpful. Well enough of all that I could go on forever but I will stop.

Now my friend is having problems with her b/f and I mean major. I know it is so hard but you have to do what you have to do. You know...I mean it is easy to say when you aren't the one doing. She has been through a heck of a lot (too much if you ask me.) And it just isn't right. She doesn't deserve it but you know she is so strong----stronger than she thinks she is and I believe that with the help of the people who love her she WILL pull through. I don't believe I know. She can do it. She always has no matter what her unbestfriend does that is just one of the little problems. And that one will work out in it's own time and when the "person" is ready for it to. You know???


I think I need to be getting upstairs and in my pajamas. Probably won't get much sleep but you never know I might just have wonderful dreams and get some rest. I sure hope so.....and my friend too. It's been rough/ but we can make it there is no other option.

Later

Me too-

 

[GrassHoper]

When You're Gone

Gee Wiz. Iam in my first class of the day...and Im about to get in trouble.
Well I havent talked to my ex-b/f..in a long time,. Hes skiing....It feels cool. I mean Ya I miss having someone to talk to and do the little things that b/f do that other people cant do. But I know I can do it. I just I dont know. UGH. We are supposed to talk when he gets back...I have NO idea what Im gonna say....and how Its gonna work. Im gonna get through this.-Oh wait let me explain.....
He hurt me bad....Like one of those hurts that I cant get over...Well I can but not in a week....I went on my cruise, and came back and hes confused about this other girl...Im like ok. Thats wrong you dont do that to me...Theres alot of other things to...that I was already considering breaking off with....but then that just kind of did it. He acted like it was fine the day after...So whatever. But that girl he thought he liked wrote me this letter, and i was like whatever. I dont even know her. But Thats cool that shes there for him. Ya whatever that means.
Me and mom moved in our new house this weekend. Its great my bathroom is in Red...Isnt that cool? Well it is to me! My back is killing me though...And PMS doesnt help it at all. Im gonna get a box of those heat theraphy pads and put them all over my back...and my stomach. I wonder if they really work. They need to make like a batterie operated shirt that is a heating pad. Ahhh brilliant.
lol........Im pretty happy right now. I just feel like i dont have that much to worry about...Even though I do....I just have this feeling that everythings gonna be alright.
On Friday my -friend is getting back. So I get to talk to him. Yea...
Well I wore my hair down today, and its raining. So....hopefull my gel will stay in and I wont look like simba afterschool. lol............
We are going tanning today, And ugh....I hope i dont get burnt, you know where again. Oh well....Then we have church. Im looking forward to it. WOAH>
Well Im off................

 

[GrassHoper]

Whats up?
I had a pop tart for breakfast this morning and boy was it good. lol.....
Im soo tired. I hate getting up at 6 every morning. And with my little sis if I dont get up shes like 'get up now'...im like what?

Anyways....I was just think about her.
Today is a special day. Its -nicoles birthday!! I hope its good. Shes going skiing. She got some really cool stuff for her b-day. lol....Love ya girl.

bla bla blah!!!!!!!!

I need a radio. Im bored. And I want some bojangels.

 

[GrassHoper]

Go Shorty-

50 cent is soo cool. I could like dance to his music all night. lol.......I think I may get his cd. Wow that'd be weird.
Anyways, Yea it's saturday.
Im still confused about my x...HE says we cant talk unless-we go out. Ok....Thanks. Im kinda confused. People are telling me one thing and I know what I want to do. And ugh...I cant tell him. HE knows what I want to tell him though. I guess Im just afraid that when i do tell him I'll regret it or something. Or I think Iam .
UGH.
I got some boots the other night. There pretty cool. I got this cool jacket cool/.
Im about to go tanning. And see Paul. lol...Hes the hottest gay guy I've ever seen. Wow.
later

 

[GrassHoper]

All I need in this life of......

-HI. I have the internet now. Well actually,.....I just got around to hooking my computer up. I was lazy..>Wow.
I hate Valentines Day,. I guess I really will this year. My friends b/f is gonna call me to see what to get her. Ya Im gonna give him advice. Im miss Love Queen..Or Love expert. No I think he just thinks I know what she'll like. So cool.....
Im such a ugh,.....I dont know how to describe me. "Soft hearted" I give in to easily. I dont know.
My b/f came back and promised me several thousand times that he wouldnt do -what he did- again. And he wanted to know what I was gonna do. I said i didnt know. My friends are telling me one thing....I want another besides him. Im just screwed. SO do you think I gave in. Of course I did. Ya hes hot and we hardly ever argue....lol...probably because I hardly talk to him....BUt sometimes it feels like something is missing?!#$^%^&$
I wish I could go away for a year with 4 people....Thats a secret..the 4 people. And even if they wouldnt want to go..they would still and theyd have a lot of fun.
School was cool today. WOW right. People are soo different at school then they are at my church. Theres such a variety. I think I open up to people more at church then I do at school./ Oh well....
Im gonna go. I got 50 cents cd. He is awesome. Yeah Baby...Wow.

Later

 

[GrassHoper]

What you feel is what you are

Hey- Today ...YUCK. My mom is CRAZY. I have to go talk to this guy about divorcing my parents. Ya you can do that. I just have to wait until Im 16. Its crazy but I think I need to. It just gets worse and worse. I mean nothing bad is happening. Im just sick of not having real parents. I might as well not have them you know? Anyways....
God Im confused- urghhhhhhh. Why, Why, Why? I typed that earlier today and now Im even more confused. I have no Idea what to do. Im not scared, I just dont know what is right. Like what is the right thing to do. And I cant talk about it to anyone. Well I could...But......
Ya what am I talking about....Cant say. Nope because if I say it then people will know and then Im afraid stuff will get started. So maybe I am scared a little. God. I erased F-You because I didnt really know who I was saying it to...but at the time i just felt like typing/saying it. lol......so F%@# You...again. lol......
sweet home alabama ....it was an ok movie...I want to see how to loose a guy in 10 days...ugh. Maybe I just confused you to with my journal entrie. So cool....We are both confused. YEA.
Later.

 

[GrassHoper]

I want to fall in love with you

Its Friday!! Oh ya,. I love me some fridays. I have no tests...but my weekend is going to consist of finishing/starting 3 projects. I hate projects they take so freakin long.
My birthday is coming up. I cant go to darryls this year. Screw whoever closed down darryls. I had some really good times there. That was just the place to go...I went through liking like 5 guys in that place. lol....funny. And there chicken tenders were so good. But the atmosphere...it was cool. Any ways...so sad.
I want to go shopping. I think I will on Sat.
Like 12,000 people dont have freakin power in Durham and we are the only ones who had school. ugh....................
Oh ya Im still confused...I hate being attracted to a guy ..Well no a guy that I shouldnt be attracted to..there..I hate it with a passion
Well later for now.
Me