fuck it. here goes...

[Nick Mougis]

I had a conversation online today about the use of the word "we" when your boss is telling you to do something.

I hate that shit.

WE don't need to do anything. YOU need ME to do something.

I used to work in retail, and this shit like this was all that I ever heard.

I couldn't stand when managers or bosses tried to use little tricks like this to make me feel like I'm part of something. We both know I'm not, (and that I don't want to be, in the case of retail,) so don't patronize me.

If you're going to say "we," say "WE need YOU to do this bullshit that WE don't want to do ourselves." That way, there's no stupid illusion involved.

Your place is higher than mine, and you are bossing me around, as is your right, since you are my fucking BOSS. I'm mature enough to handle the fact that there are people in higher places than me at the moment. Stop using your fucking managerial handbook on me. It sucks.

One time, an old boss of mine at old navy told me that I was "acting like sharp cheddar cheese," and that "We need to be acting more mild, like a nice american cheese." It was all I could do to not punch the motherfucker in the mouth.

Good thing I'm happy with what I'm doing right now. I like where I'm working very much, and it will hopefully continue to be an awesome place to be. Nothing like the aforementioned cheddar cheese incident has happened to me yet, so I'm doing good.

My computer should be coming in a few days. I've already got some nice projects lined up for it. Its going to be nice to edit at home. I'm very excited.

I graduate in May from college. This couldn't be happening soon enough. I'm going to be really fucking busy until then. Then again, I'd rather have 8000 things to do in one day then one. Cause then if you fuck up one thing, you can blame it on the pressure the other 7999 put on you.

One of my professors told me that i'm either afraid of success or afraid of failure. Maybe over the next few months, we'll find out which one is which. Hopefully, its neither.

Nick.

 

[Nick Mougis]

more fun.

today, someone told me that "i'm a different person once i cross the williamsburg bridge."

This hurt me a lot. For two reasons.

First off, I guess the way that I act towards my Queens friends at home is totally different from the way that I act towards them around UCB. This pisses people that I love off immensely. I am going to have to make a better effort to include them in shit over here.

Reason number 2 is something that I am going to have to work out in my head before I can write it down. I think it revolves around the fact that I never want to be a "different person" solely because of my surroundings.

fuck it.

nick.

 

[Nick Mougis]

today i'm going to the back surgeon for a consultation.

and i'm seriously happy about it.

my back has been causing me pain constantly for at least the last year. i've tried just about everything to alleviate it, physical therapy, spinal injections, the whole nine.

it looks like surgery is the final option. lets hope that it works out. cause i'm tired of limping around like a gimp when my back is hurting.

nick

 

[Nick Mougis]

On monday, I'm going in for back surgery.

I know its short notice, but i gotta do it before school gets into full swing, or i'm sunk.

I'll be off my feet for a few weeks.

I think everythings going to go ok though. It doesn't look too risky.

I'll stay with that optimism shit. See ya.

Nick.

 

[Nick Mougis]

So today's my last day of "work" before my back surgery. I'm going to be out for 2 weeks at least from all activities, which is going to suck immensely. So, I'm trying to enjoy myself as much as i can until then.

I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel very nervous about this thing, because it was happening so quickly, but in a week or so after the surgery, i will probably be much more upset about the whole thing than i am now. I think that sort of makes sense. We'll see.

In my first paragraph, the word "work" is in quotations because I'm an intern. I intern at the daily show, which is a lot of fun. Everyone's really nice and helpful, including some of your fellow IRC members. Like Jamie Fallon, who is one of the awesomest people in the entire world. Shes always really nice to everyone all the time at ucb, but the amount of coolness she shows me here was even more than what I expected. Happy birthday again to JFallon, who rocks!

Another nice person here that you might know is Aaron Bergeron. He has both a skateboard AND a nintendo 64 in his office. Impressive. The other day I went up there to say hi, and there was even a DOG. I was so impressed that I forgot to say hello to him, and just walked away. Its ok though, he was probably busy writing important stuff. He told me that when he saw my journal, he thought that it would be an "expose" of sorts about interning. So, here it goes:

I ate New York Popover today. It was very nice. The soup was a bit salty, but ok all around. Then I stuffed envelopes and went on a run. I also found out that the new weezer album is entitled "maladroit."

There you go, buddy.

More later, I'm busy.

Nick.

 

[Nick Mougis]

hey! i'm ok!!!

Well, i'm home from the surgery, and somewhat clear-headed, so i figured i'd write a little note telling everyone that i'm ok. I'm in blinding back pain when i'm not on painkillers, but that pain is from the big wound in my back, and not from the disk that slipped anymore! Good thing i'm on lots and lots of painkillers! I also walk even slower and funnier than I normally did, hopefully this will go away soon.

Thanks to everyone who wished me luck over the last few days. This thing was like a whirlwind, and the people who said good luck made me feel a lot better.


More about the whole thing when i'm lucid. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed. This chair sort of hurts. Where's my vicodin??????


Nick.

 

[Nick Mougis]

Live from the couch...

I've been in "recovery" for a week now.

My, am I fucking bored.

This shit sucks. I have nothing to do, and practically nowhere to go.

The problem is, I feel great. I was in much more pain before surgery, cause my back was really bad then. But i used to just limp around and try to live a normal life. Thats a lot more fun than sitting around and trying to grow a beard (which is NOT working out).

I'm not allowed to drive, and this is very upsetting. The first thing I'm doing when I'm better is buying a pack of lucky strikes, putting on some Alkaline Trio, and blasting off in my fucking car.

I really miss that.

The only things keeping me sane right now are my girlfriend, who is gracious enough to sit around my house with me and watch me play video games cause I'm really not allowed to do anything else, and my vicodin. In that order.

The good news is, when I'm allowed out of my house, its always to do something fun. My friend Alex got my girlfriend tickets to a taping of Conan O'Brien, cause Jewel was on, and she loves Jewel, so i got to go to that with her. That was fun, but it was more fun just to watch her being excited about seeing Jewel. She likes Jewel more than I like Ben Folds and the Alkaline Trio, which is almost impossible. Alex got her an autograph, and some other cool Jewel stuff. Smiles all around.

That was pretty much the highlight of my week, except for just now, when i threw some clothes on, grabbed my ipod, and walked down the block to buy cigarettes and coffee. That was really nice too.

cigarettes and coffee were the highlights of my life before I was cooped up at home. Maybe life isn't so bad after all.

I'm starting to get into the beatles. I used to hate them, but I cant really deny golden slumbers. Slowly but surely, I'll become a fan. I'll always like the stones more, though.

Alex loves depeche mode more than Amanda loves Jewel. I went to his dorm room, and he gave me like 10 DM albums on my ipod. I like depeche mode too, but this kid is talking about painting his macintosh black and red and putting a light-up DM logo on it. I'm not that crazy.

Lets recap:

Alex's love for DM > Amanda's love for Jewel > or = to my love for Alkaline Trio and Ben Folds.

understand that, and you've pretty much got where my life has been over the last week or so.

to top it off, MY FUCKING IMAC HASN'T COME YET. Supposedly, it ships next monday, but i'll believe that when i see it. Fuckers. I could have spent 2 weeks editing shit, and doing useful stuff, but I got screwed. Assholes.

I can't wait to get the hell out of here and see everybody. That will be nice.

OK. bye.

nick.

PS. Thanks to everyone who has e-mailed me or pm'ed me to ask how i'm doing. You guys make life worth living.

Also, thanks to the people who have had endless im conversations with me online cause i'm bored and can't do anything else. I love you guys too.

 

[Nick Mougis]

Awwww SHIT!!! The Kid is BACK!!!

So, it rained like a bitch last night.

I didn't care.

I got in my car, rolled down the windows, blasted Rancid, and flew all around town.

I got wet, but it was one-hundred percent worth it.

I'm back. I'm out. I'm allowed to leave my house! And I feel great. So, I'll be seein all of you soon.

Happily,

Nick

 

[Nick Mougis]

The new journal format lends more weight to the post title.

I haven't posted here in a while, so i figured i'd check in with an obscenely long entry.

Last night was my first night back on lights for Harold Night since my back surgery. It went pretty well. The theater was packed with more people than I could remember in a while. Plus, I noticed more than one head bobbing to my amazing mix of rap music, rocksteady ska, and pop-punk. Dan Powell asked about a Jadakiss song, and this girl came up to me after the show to ask me about another band I played, called The Slackers. I like when people compliment me on my musical selections. Plus, Ice-9 gave me the opportunity to use my patented "Mougis fade to black" blackout.

I love fading Harolds out. It sort of makes it feel like the action in the world that a team's created is going to continue going on if there's an audience watching or not. There. The first reference to improv in my journal. Ever.

I've been totally dicking around since I got back into the swing of things from my surgery. I'm off the pain medication, which is probably for the best, as I've had pretty major stomach pain from taking, as one dose, two darvocet and a motrin with a glass of water and no food for the last 2 weeks. Before that, I was on Vicodin until I ran out.

I should have just done what everyone told me to and sold all of it.

Anyway, now that I'm off the drugs, I'm starting to come around and live normally again. I feel like my heads been up my ass for the last few weeks, and I really need to bear down and get back into my routines. However, I was told "not to hit the gas pedal too much" by my surgeon, who, in an interesting sidenote, has both bright red hair and the first name "Baron."

I don't know how I'm going to not hit the gas pedal if I want to get out of these next few months alive.

I do know that it is getting progressively harder and harder to drag myself out of bed to class every day. School is a joke. No one should be forced to take 3 hours of Geology in the morning.

Its to the point now that I can actually feel the useless information I'm supposed to be learning pass through me and leave my body forever.

I've got to get my reel of video packages together so that I can have a job when I graduate. The sooner I get a job, the sooner I can move out of my little brother's room. That is the goal at the moment.

We'll see how it goes.

"no matter how much you listen to the descendants, you'll never be part of the scene, man. You were a baby then!" Aaron just crippled me with this statement. I'm going now.

Nick.

 

[Nick Mougis]

Sleep is not an option.

I did absolutely nothing tonight. I didn't really feel like going out, and my girlfriend went out with some old friends of hers.

What I did do was make myself a cup of tea, stand outside on my porch, and listen to the entire Virgin Suicides score while chainsmoking like a fiend.

I haven't really thought about nothing in a while. Improv coaches and teachers will always tell us to "clear our heads" and take a deep breath before we start doing scenes, but it almost never works out for me. Invariably, I will end up thinking about some stupid shit, or begin admiring my reflection in the mirrors at Dick Shea's or something. But tonight, for the first time in a while, I just stood around and thought about nothing at all.

One word popped into my head after about fifteen minutes of standing on my steps: concentrate.

I take this to mean that I should try to bear down on the stuff that goes on in my life.

Over the last few weeks, I've had so much shit on my mind that I've lost sight of exactly how to focus correctly on whatever it is i'm up to in the moment that its going on. I've never been much good at that anyway, but lately, i've been jumping around from situation to situation in my mind without giving anything much thought.

How do I stop this from happening? Trying to keep focused on one thing at a time is almost exactly like trying to force yourself not to think about anything but breathing.

The good news is that I know that it can happen. It just can't be forced.

The soundtrack ended almost exactly as I finished one of the many cigarettes I smoked tonight. So, I took my headphones off, and lit up one last time. I just listened to whatever it is 3AM sounds like and waited for it to fade out like the music I was just listening to.

But, it didn't, it doesn't, and it never will.

Creepy.

Nick.

 

[Nick Mougis]

My favorite song right now is California by Phantom Planet.

... and while I listen to it on repeat, i will write about some shit.

Next week is the taping of the hofstra television show that I'm producing. I'm putting a harold up inside a television studio, and bringing in an audience, and we're gonna see how it goes. I'm actually really excited about this. I got a fucking awesome cast of people from UCBT, and I'm excited to see how they will all work together. This is going to rock. Hard. But its going to also be stressful and time-consuming for me, as I have to paint shit, light shit, spot shit, and mark shit for the entire weekend. We actually put the set up, and then take it down. It doesn't go back up again until 11pm tuesday night. I work from 11-2am setting the studio up. Then, on wednesday, when the show tapes, I've got flyering to do, and audience coordinating, and camera testing, and mic testing, and a whole bunch of other shit. I will be a whirling dervish of cigarettes and coffee until the show is in the can.

Oh yeah, if anyone can get to long island (Hofstra University) and wants to come see the show, its free. its next wednesday, and the people in it are Tara Copeland, Chris Gethard, John Gemberling, Jesse Falcon, Dyna Moe, Shannon O'Neill, Christine Walters, and Matthew DeCoster. Shit, this cast is awesome. maybe i'll put a real plug in the plug section.

E-Mail me at nickmougis@nyc.rr.com if you're down to go. If you're not, but you wanna see it, maybe i'll let you borrow the dvd i'm gonna make of it with my AWESOME iMac (shit yeah!!)

the day after this show, I have two midterms. anthro and english. fuck em. I'm invincible at school. Its getting a job in may i'm scared of.

Today, I found out that I have a library bill to the tune of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. All James Joyce literary criticism books. They were due back at the library in January, and I didn't take them back till 2 weeks ago.

no one in my family seems to mind much. how can you get mad at someone for not returning library books? how can you get mad at someone for wanting to LEARN?

13 books full of essays about Joyce.

$100.

I'm an idiot.

I'm also a nerd. I got an A- in the class.

California.... CALIFORNIA... HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!!!!

bye
nick.

 

[Nick Mougis]

Pictures from last weekend's "Harold Night" setup.

Here are links to some pictures. I'm too tired to figure out how to get them into this thing from geocities. fuck it. if nothing else, go to the last one.

Left: My Director, Rachel Avery
Right: My Production Manager, Joanne Wheatley

http://www.geocities.com/lorddopevii/rachjo.jpg

my friend Jean Jacket Julie holding part of the "Harold Night" sign.

http://www.geocities.com/lorddopevii/jjj.jpg

the studio, with marked lights and a new fresh coat of black paint for everyone to fuck up on Wednesday. We tried a stage, but I fell through it while "making sure it was safe," so we decided to paint the floor instead.

http://www.geocities.com/lorddopevii/set.jpg

http://www.geocities.com/lorddopevii/harold.jpg

word.


i've just found out that i'm not allowed to pull files from geocities. this sucks.

I will try to figure out how to get the actual pictures in another time.

Nick

 

[Nick Mougis]

5 months, 2 days, and countless cigarettes later...

I'm writing a journal entry.

More later. Promise.

 

[Nick Mougis]

here's the quick recap of the last 5 months:

1. broke up with my girlfriend.

2. discovered elliott smith. he is amazing. you should buy "xo." this album helped a lot with item 1.

3. graduated college. still haven't got my diploma though. i should be getting it any day now. its all part of hofstra's quest to fuck me over one last time before i am free from its clutches forever.

4. started a rediculous 3 hour a day workout program. i had nothing else to do, so i decided to whip myself into shape. it went well, but i became obsessed with it. its really easy to get obsessed about shit when you aren't doing anything of merit with your time. so i stopped.

now, i'm attempting to get a job. we'll see how that goes.

5 months in a few poorly structured sentences. there.

 

[Nick Mougis]

had a job interview at a postproduction house yesterday afternoon. i'm one step closer to getting a job. i guess this is a good thing.

i went to atlantic city last night, and i won 200 bucks. the highlight of the trip was when i got to fill out a caesars emperors card application, because i won 175 bucks on one hit in roulette. i was blasted on gin and tonics, though, so i don't think that i filled out the correct information on the card.

i got home at 11am, and promptly went into manhattan to get an echocardiogram. everything is ok, so don't worry. i found out that my resting heart rate is an awesomely low 69! i guess that three months of running did its job in that regard. i have a big heart (really? no fucking kidding), and it is high in my chest (caught in my throat, perhaps).

now i'm absolutely fucking tired, and i'm hanging around ucb to tech the 930 harold show. to stay awake, i will probably blast my new favorite band, thursday, through the ucb system. hard, loud rock with a smiths influence. some people say they rip off at the drive in. this may be true, but just cause you rip someone off, it doesn't mean you can't rock. see: white stripes, strokes, hives, and everyone who isn't robert johnson, i guess.

great. i'm going to go boost my heart rate and smoke some cigarettes.

 

[Nick Mougis]

maximum rock.

i got tickets to see the strokes open up for the rolling motherfucking stones! the show is in hartford, and its in october, which is just one more reason for me to hope that september ends as quickly as possible.

i'm going with my friend brian... french girls think that brian looks like james dean (as evidenced by a voicemail on my phone left by some french chick extremely early in the morning.) Bri and his boy aaron hung out with this girl and her 50 year old french woman friend (not her mom) until 7 in the morning. The book on the 50 year old, as told by Brian: "she was really hot for a 50 year old woman." I really need to meet the younger girl before she goes home. Brian says that instead of weezer, she says "weezseur." I find that really funny.

my mom is going to be teaching at townsend harris in september. TH is one of the top high schools in NY, right up there with Bronx Science, Brooklyn Tech, and Stuyvesant. Mom has been subbing there for years, and they have been foaming at the mouth to get her to teach there full time for a good portion of that time. With my brother Chris finally becoming a senior in High School (not Townsend Harris), she feels that she can finally get going and teach full time. As a result of this, everything has to be perfectly in order before she starts her new job, which means that I'm gonna get stuck doing a shitload of stuff around the house. No biggie though, it gets her out of my hair in the daytime, and I'll never have to get woken up by the view at 11AM on my days off.

My mom's name is Prudence. This explains why I hated the beatles for so long, I guess.

 

[Nick Mougis]

everyone has that one thing that they need to keep in their heart, because if they lose it, they don't know who they are without it.

i know what mine is... what's yours?