From Christmas 05 to Christmas 06: A Black Chick's Journal

[Shaun Landry]

Juicer!

Yeah. Screw you fucking High Fructose Corn Sryup. In your FACE Red Dye! Fuck you Urban Market and your goddamn four dollar a pint organic juice!

eat me chunky corn shit Apple martini mix!

oh yea! I got a fucking juicer. Not that jack Lalaine shit...but that high end all whirly whirly...with a de-frother juicer. Even Matches everything in the kitchen.

Oh fuck yea. I'm MOTHERFUCKING 40 and DIGGING KITCHEN APPLIANCES!

I'm a fucking 40 year old american making her own juice!

America. Fuck yea!

 

[Shaun Landry]

Theater Party

I'm on the couch. I'm watching Comcast On Demand of six feet under. I just made meal of Beef Bourgoine and cheesecake and used the last six grannies apples to juice and make apple martini's. I'm in the house. It's 11PM

That is until the phone rings. It's Yoga Boy from RM.

Him: dude! We are having a party! You wanna come out?
Me: (in a robe) .....*sure* where is the party?

He gives me the address. I hang up. I look at hans. "We have been invited to a party? Wanna come out?"

He looks at me (in his robe) and says dryly "I'm forty six year old."

I say "Well fuck you I'm forty. I'm going out."

I shower and put on some Cargo pants and a black tank top...yank up my hair and head out to flag a cab. If this party is what I expect it to be...it will be pretty undressy.

I'm right. I get out of the cab and head into the the most beautiful apartment I have seen yet in San Francisco. It is beautiful. Two room with working fireplaces. The front room with one fireplace has the most classic Victorian celings and inlayed dark wood bookcases.

And I'm more stunned as it goes on. this house is populated by actors. One would think this place would be trashed. It's not. It is tastefully done. There is only one actor room that looks like a real classic actor room with the matress on the ground. That cat is moving out. The rest of the place?

Just beautiful. Big kitched that leads out to the porch that heads down to the full backyard and garage. There are four people living there. the place is 2600 a month. Me and Hans could afford this place. It makes me want to call the cops or something and say there is a dead body...or a heroin lab in there.

All those roomies. It does not smell like cat pee and mold. Fucking good for them.

=========================================================

The crowd is a lot of young actors. It was wonderful. Smart conversation. Funny smart conversations. They are all vibrant and young and in thier prime. It makes me happy. It makes me smile. I bring my weed and let the have it. I grab merlot from the many bottles of Merlot on in the kitchen...

Then the realization hits: I'm the oldest person here. But for some reason it is okay for once. I'm officially at an actor party. Where the 22 year olds are talking in depth about Shakespeare...and Beckett...and social political issues and Drama Therapy.

It has not changed. It has not changed at *all* It is smart wonderful people who are creative and fantastic and endearing.

I hunker in by the fireplace and joke that this should be Masterpiece theater with a couple. She is starting as a counselor with troubled youth. He is going to be a lawyer in Social/Civil Law. I got stoned and grabbed wine and we sat in front of that fire and talked about The Death Penalty and Blood Lust in terms of the community.

I'm glad I came out. I'm so glad. I sit having massive flasbacks to the old days of Geese Company and the parties we threw. It was beautiful. I have an out of body experience...where I see myself at 19 across the corner looking at myself and saying "How does she know everyone here...she is so much older than everyone else"....

I see me looking at me. At 19. And at 40. At the same time. That is how good the weed is at this party.

I give out my email and Bergman's email to the Guidance Conselor...then out of nowhere (after the enevitable video show of the RM kids..because that is what happens at theater parties)....this guy comes from nowhere and grabs me and kisses me. Out of the blue.

Him: You are so beautiful. I have been watching you all night.
Me: Baby? How old are you?
Him: 22
Me: My love, I'm forty and married.
Him: That's cool. (rubs the side of my face) you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.

The rest of the night was me listening to him talk about him being in the production of Hamlet. The kid is BURSTING with ideas and theories on theater and what he wants to see.

Long time I did not get a word in edgewise. I just listened to him talk about his hopes and dreams.

Lovely kid. If this was a different time and place (say...two or so years ago) I would not be writing now. I would be at his place rocking his 22 year old world.

But its a different time and place. I need to go home. Its almost two.

I get my coat off the bed and do the check. I can't find my wallet.

Drama then occurs. Everyone starts panicking. This, is where my generation differs from theirs. Their generation over analyze everything and worries much more than mine. The only thing I care about? My ID, my Social Security Card and my Sag Card. I can get new Alliance B of A card. I can cancel my Starbucks card. I so don't give a shit about the 30 bucks in my wallet.

My ID that I have to wait forever to get in California. The SS Card is a line wait...and the San Francisco SAG office sucks....and I know I have to call Los Angeles for a new SAG card.

So I hunt for the wallet. On the bed. Under the bed. Through the house. By the comfy fireplace where I sat...on the backporch...and finally outside and up the street.

I finally give up. It's lost. Oh well. Line wait...and Yoga Boy giving me twenty bucks to loan. I take the twenty (to the not so happy looks of his lady) and head in to get my coat off the bed...

And I see a black wallet. OH MY...this is mine I think. The guy standing there goes "Oh...that is my wallet."

Me: Wow...my wallet looks just like this. Same size and everything. Oh well.
Him: (Embarrassed) Waitaminnit...

He goes into his blazer jacket and pulls out...*my wallet* He thought it was his...and mine must have fallen out of my coat on the bed.

The word spreads through the remaining party members. Yoga boy violently mime rapes him on the bed then head punches him for taking my wallet by mistake. While they are mime raping...I give the twenty back to the girlfriend.

Shakespere guy grabs me and tells me he wants to talk about "everything" and says "If I call you...will you remember me?"

Yes I say. Yes I will. He writes my name (spelled wrong) on the back of his hand with a PERMENANT MARKER. Poor kid. I did not have the heart to tell him that he will live with my office phone number for a while.

I call a cab and he walks me down the stairs. My cab comes in less than two mintues... I turn to him to say goodbye...

And he grabs the sides of my face and kisses me. A very sexy sweet kiss.

Any other time. I would have waved that cab off. I looked at him and said "You have a great rest of the night"

Theater Party Supreme. I walked out of there with a lot of great conversation...ten minutes of high wallet drama...and a child wanting to do me...making me still feel attractive.

I'm glad I went out.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Emails.

Yesterday was Easter and it was a lovely one. Completely and totally non traditional: Just me and Hans. A lot of snuggles and love. A meal of his favorite spagehtti and rolls. The Sorpranos. A bottle of wine. Cheesecake with fresh strawberry puree (made from the JUICER!) and more *couch time.*

Violent difference from last years Easter. I gave Hans the easter he wanted. Just us.

In the morning, Hans said "I'm going to give you an Easter present" and then he went into my closet in my bedroom and washed my clothes. All of them. Even the ones hanging up. Then he re-arranged my closet. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Rock star.

The Festival postcards are officially over at TBA Tix Booth by lovely Pretty Funny Woman Stacie. She was dropping off cards for the Pretty. Funny. Women's Show and offered to do my cards too. Fucking Rock Star.

This morning I woke up to my email. Moron Life Man is offerring him and his sexy Arab Improviser up for driving about San Francisco Dropping off postcards and posters. Super insane awesome.

Then he offered (because he is a professional photographer) his services as a weekly photog and his friend who does professional videography.

The festival is hooked up with professional media. It is like someone said "If you think about what you need...you will just get an email" God love him.

Onion Rafi sent me the pdf of the Onion Ad for the Festival Program with the Onion AV Club. It's Perfect: Helping Nerds Become Snobs. He asked if there was anything else I need. I sent him an email back and asked for him to come to my house...go to the fridge and grab me some orange juice.

Email from a great improviser signing up for Todd's class The Beast. I'm really happy he will be there. Having Stashwick up here is totally amazing and having Merkin and Mormon in the class with him will rock.

And got a lovely email from JP and MS A really wonderful email. With an attachment letter.

I wrote back. I said "As they say in improv...yes"

What an incredible honor.

I love my Outlook. It makes me happy again.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Baby What I Say.

It's 8:20. I'm getting dressed for the jam. Hans (who is obviously in for the night) informs me he want Chicken Fries from Burger King. Not more than six hours beforehand...he is all over the leftover Spagehetti we had for Easter.

Now, he want me to run to the store (because he does not want to get dressed) and get him BK Chicken Fries. He is doing this on purpose. He wants me to stay home.

"Babay....go to BK and get some Chicken Fries. I'm going to the jam". He boo boo's his face. I just laugh. "You just cannot guilt me for Chicken Fries. Eat that Easter Food" I grab Festival Postcards and head out.

I kiss him goodbye and walk to The Comedy College I go to Jack In The Box and figure I get a big meal and pay for it on my card. Nope. I look in my wallet and realize I left my card on my desk from ordering Festival stuff. I have seven dollars in my wallet.

Shit. Only a small burger. I'm strapped tonight.

===================================================

Maybe it is the location that Joe/Jay and the Make Em Ups are at (Hardcore Downtown spitting from The American Conservatory Theater) that has the biggest collection of tourist freaks around. But, I like it personally. This week some lady walks up to Joe and informs him that she is a poet....and wants to do poetry.

In lieu of the shortform? We do beat poetry. She gets up and does her already pre-done stuff (It was not bad...it was just..well...odd, because the meanings of her poems did not jive with the intention). Then four of us got up and beat poet out some shit. Me, Christina, Justin...and some guy who just started doing improv at 43.

This I'm good at. This is what we have done in Negroes. This is what I have done for Shameeka. I ask for the regular get of a social or political topic you have either read seen or heard in the news this week and get "Generals against George Bush"

I then just do a one of my Poetry Slam like improv poems. It gets laughs...and a bunch of heads nodding up and down at the end. It turned really social political. The chick at the end of the jam asked for my phone number and if I was interested in doing poetry slams. She was drunk. I said no.

the improv was fine tonight. Really strong sets and the last one just plain fun. Kurt Bodden was there. It was just a joy to have him there and playing on stage with him. There was a lot of wonderful re-incorporations throughout the last set and tie ups to stories. God. It was smart improv. The idea of a "Black Room where all the messed up names of dances" and Christina there who had no idea she was white.

Another floaty floaty night. A really good night. Regina just slamming shit home with the simple phrase "I LIVE ON NEGATIVITY"...was the funniest thing I have heard all month.

We all head out to grab drinks at the Daily bar next to Lefty O'Douls. Last call again. I don't have my card...but Christina has me covered for drinks (I paid last week)....and the whole crew is there. The 43 year old and I quote Zappa at the table. He is a good guy. A little quirky. But a really good guy.

We then all decide to go next door to Lefty's. This was a good decision..because inside? there are a BUNCH of wonderful drunk people around a piano bar with a great piano player who looked like Kevin Spacey. Some Aussies really smashed...and...

A GAGGLE of people all in 1906 gear. You see. Today at 5 in the morning is the 100 anniversay of the San Francisco 1906 Earthquake. I turn to Joe/Jay and say: If it is 1906 in San Francisco? Should I even *be here?*

I walked in and went directly to the piano. Kevin Spacey is being all flirty. This is awesome. He asks me what I do and I say I do improv...then he announces it to everyone in the bar. I love Kevin Spacey.

The boys have me covered with Gin and Tonics. We dance...we joke...I run (completely out of the blue) into Walid (or Arab Boy) just there and his roomie. They are just hanging out in San Francisco. And we just all happen to be there. FUCKING ROCK! I introduce him to everyone.

Kevin Spacey starts playing What I Say. The 1906 girls are dancing behind him shaking feathers. I just laugh...look at Joe/Jay and say "Oh good grief"...

I go behind with the women, take down my hair and start dancing for real. I indeed "Shake My thang" to the screams of the Aussies. Finally, the other lone black woman of the bar comes by me and we sing background for him. She goes high. I go low. It was awesome.

We all start heading out. Spacey does plugs. He looks at me and says very knowingly "I know this girt MUST have something going on"...

...and I give him a postcard. He announces it over the mic that an Improv Festival is in town and that "This is the funniest woman in San Francisco"

He don't even know who I am. God love him. Everyone in that place starts taking postcards.

I really love the location of this Jam. It's the best. We all head out en masse. I'm saying goodbye and some guy in the bar wonders up and interrupts me and Justin's Joe/Jay's conversation and says "YOUSE SO FUNNY...YOU GOT IT! YOU SO GOT IT!"

I thank him and he stumbles off. Joe/Jay and Justin just stare at me.

Welcome to my world dudes. I'm so sorry. It's been like one ongoing beautiful party for the last two weeks.

It will probably stop at some point and something horrible will happen. Because under this happy happy exterior? Still lurks a harcore pessimist.

 

[Shaun Landry]

I swear I'm Black!

I got an audition for Negroes May 6th and posted on sfcasting. A TON of african americans are coming to this thing...and most of the days have been spent putting black folks in allotments of 6 to improvise, sing a song and do a comedic piece.

I ended up hiring a woman without an audition. I taught classes to her here when I moved here...she is very funny and a nice offset to my fatness (she is a yoga instructor). Called up Curly and he we all hunker down into doing The Festival.

I check my sfcasting list today...and there is Ms. RM in all of her glory. Smirky picture. As white as she can be. In her notes she wrote: I SWEAR I'M BLACK!

Biggest laugh of the day.

======================================================

Meanwhile, email from Santa Cruz asking to do the festival again. They ask me to pick a day. Their festival runs in conjunction with San Francisco...so the Bay area all of July will be about Bay Area Improv Love. Hordes of Out of Towners all up in San Francisco and Santa Cruz. Fucking choice and rock! I ask for the Sunday July 30th. That means that Negroes and Nation of Improv from Los Angeles will have a full Thurs-Sunday run! Do Shows here. Drink our asses off. Black ride down to Santa Cruz. shake that shit up...Eat some soul food. Drink at the bar we went to last year with Razowsky.

And with the majority of the cast of Nation of Improv being former Negro members...and one who I worked with at Second City?

It is like Chicago has taken over the Bay.

===============================================

Last night I announced an Improv House Party (Faberge Egg Party *was indeed too obscure*) and put out an evite.

I have not had a party in god knows how long. An official party. An announced, non impromptu party. Improvisers. Beer. Wine. BBQ and all the other *Bay Area Specialities* that comes with an Improv....

Oh hell. And weed...

You know when you announce a party and you are terribly afraid that noone will respond? That you buy a lot of food and noone shows up?

It would be great if people showed up.

 

[Shaun Landry]

I called this number three times already today
But I, I got scared, I put It back in place, (I put my phone back in place).


I still don't know if I should have called up.
Look, just tell me why don't ya if I'm out of place.

'Cause here's your chance to make me feel awkward
And wish that I had never even called up this place.

I saw you though today walk by with hippie Johnny.
I had to call up and say how I want to take his place.


So this phone call today conerns hippie Johnny.
He's always stoned, he's never straight.


I saw you today, you know, walk by with hippie Johnny.
Look, I had to call up and say, I want to take his place.


See he's stoned, hippie Johnny.
Now get this, I'm straight and I want to take his place.


Now look, I like him too, I like him... hippie Johnny.


But I'm straight.
and I want to take his place.


I said, I'm straight.
I said, I'm straight.


I'm proud to say....

Well I'm straight and I want to take his place.


Now I've watched you walk around here.
I've watched you meet
these boyfriends, I know,
and you tell me how they're deep.

Look but, iI think f these guys, if they're really so great,
tell me, why can't they at least take this place
and take it straight?

Why always stoned, like hippie Johnny is?
I'm straight and I want to take his place.

Oh I'm certainly not stoned, like hippie Johnny is.
I'm straight and I want to take his place.

I said, I'm straight.
I said, I'm straight.
I'm....

I'm straight and I want to take his place

All right you Modern Lovers what do you say?
(I'm straight!)
Tell the world now
(I'm straight!)
I said
(I'm straight!)
Yeah. I'm straight and I want to take his place.

- The Modern Lovers 1976

As of May Day 2006 I will be living in San Francisco for six years. This song holds very fond memories of me the first month living here. I'm drinking and listening to it now.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Possible Improv Audition

I really need to check the Negro email more often.

Today, I get on and check the mail, and there is a lovely email from Kathleen Red. She sends me casting information regarding an A&E pilot show looking for improvisers (minorites...as long as they really know short form games)

She says she would love to do it...but she is Equity. I would love for her to do it too. I miss her a lot.

So I start drafting the email thing for myself. Then I realize something. I would love for a bunch folks to do this too in San Francisco.

So I re-draft the letter saying not only would I love to audition...but so would the rest of San Francisco. According to the email Kathleen Red sent me...they are doing auditions in L.A. So, I offer up space only and tell her I would be down for holding a casting call for improvisers for this.

I send it off. I hope it happens. It would be great to see a San Francisco improviser head off to New York and do well. That would be choice.

=======================================================

Meanwhile Hans picks up the posters from www.psprint.com

This service is super awesome, and have been using it for years. I think a *lot of people* use them nationally because they are really fast...really good...and they are online easy. I just happen to luck out, because these folks are based out of Oakland...and I don't have to pay a shipping charge. just a BART charge if I pick them up...or lately...Hans just walking over there for lunch.

He calls me and tells me he is heading off to the place in Oakland. About ten minutes later? I get an email confirming someone besides me picked them up. God. I love these cats. They do this thing where they just give you the run off postcards. My last order I did 500 I had to sort them out for the TBA drop off in a few weeks. By the time I got to 700...They were just rock stars.

He calls me when he gets back to the office. He just finished hanging one over at Kaiser. People are just super impressed by this thing. Justin did a super awesome job. Hans is getting a frame to put up *somewhere on the wall of this place. I told him good luck with that. These walls are already jammed pack with shit.

======================================================
It's a friggin holiday here. 4/20 is a friggin holiday. I think San Franciscans will find just about *anythnig* to celebrate. Anything. Except Hitlers Birthday. i don't think there are any parties in San Francisco celebrating the birth of Hitler. I have been invited out tonight...but I'm gearing up spending a quiet eve in the house with Hans and to stay off the street from Bay Area people in search of chips and ding dongs.

Yoga boy invited me to a party this Saturday night a while ago. It is a *party after a party fact* I'm all over this. I really enjoy his and his lady's company.

This will be the 4th party in four weeks. Look at me with my drink on.

I think people are coming to my party next week. I guess this means I have to haul my BBQ grill back out of the Climate.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Oh well

A nice quiet eve with Hans has turned into a must come out and party from Onion Scott.

Change of plans. Get there at Seven. Drop off some tickets for the raffle. Grab some free pizza and beer. Head out by eight.

 

[Shaun Landry]

An amazing turnout

Hans and I head out to the Onion Free Beer and Pizza get together in the Mission. We arrive at 6:45 with people already waiting outside. I have the raffle tickets for the festival, postcards and posters in hand

Patron: Hi.
Me: Hey. Here for the free pizza and beer
Patron: You know it.
Me: rock on.
Patron: You an Onion Person?
Me: No. Just some chick being sponsored by the Onion?
Patron: And which chick are you?

...Onion Readers. I love em. I give her a card and point her to another bar down the street open until they open, and me and Hans head off to Muddy Waters for some coffee and a very unhappy coffee maker. He is so not happy. So, so not happy.

We head back over around five to seven. I go up to the Bar There are already people there and a lot of them

Me: So I'm all over the free beer.
Bartender: To be honest, I know nothing about this. My boss just told me to be here at 6:30. So, until someone tells me what going on? I'm just selling beer.

I look at the customers at the bar who had beer bought. The guys smirks and shrugs I laugh and say "If this is an Onion Joke...this is the best joke ever"

Hans buys a beer and I get a gin and tonic.

The Onion Folks arrive. Onion Steve shows up and I hand off the raffle tickets and we joke about. Onion Rafi shows up. We are sitting at the front by the windows. He comes in and sticks his face outside and starts sex dancing outside.

I in turn lick my fingers...fake rub my nipples and blow on them.

I dig Onion Rafi. A lot. I head out to have a smoke with him. We mess with Hans in the window. We talk about bullshit and laugh and joke. I dig Onion Rafi. *a lot*

Hans is getting tired and hungry, and I promised him we would be out of there when we dropped off everything. I really don't want pizza. I give my hugs out to Onion Rafi and Onion Steve. The place is getting more packed and packed as we head out.

We go across the street to the Yoyo to eat. I have the sushi dinner. He has food cooked with a fork. We eat and head out...and I look across the street. It is 7:50. There are people pouring out of that joint.

We flag a cab. A very tipsy woman and some other lady have also parked ass by us to flag a cab. The tipsy woman is loudly asking us where we are heading. It looks like she wants to share a cab. This is the first time *ever* a total stranger just was all "Lets share a cab* She was really tipsy.

"So...Free Beer and pizza?" I say.

"OH YEAH...and raffle stuff! I won a fake tour package...someone won some real tickets to a comedy show! Fucking lucky. Why can't I real win stuff?"

I just laugh as a cab pulls up "I'm sorry. Maybe you can just go to the comedy show and get lucky with some tickets"

I could have offered her tickets. I just didn't.

 

[Shaun Landry]

YAY

I love talking with Jill Bernard. Her voice just makes me happy everytime I hear it. So today when her name pulls up on my phone...I'm all "WEEE"

She is doing an article for CIF on Festival Submissions. I sent her a bunch of answers to questions via email...and she was checking up on some of the answers. One of which was "A great festival submission package" and my ups to Waiting for Ennis Cotter.

"The package is just so damn cute" I told Jill. It had the regular information and then added in all this great fake history and Irish like letters for Ennis Cotter." I told Hans when it came in "If their improv is anything like this incredible package...the ROCK. If not, they make one hell of a great submission festival package"

I'm really happy their improv was good too.

She heads off to Chicago. I miss Chicago a lot. I was saying that Hans heads off to Florida...and I just waited too long on making a decision on whether of not to stay here and watch the cat while he is gone...or head to CIF to just be home for a week...and let someone watch Tut. The prices on tickets went up...and I decided to stay home and throw a party instead.

We talk about our regular stuff. Joking about wishing she was coming to The festival here again....then she is gone. I'm in mid talk and she is gone. Oh well.

I head back to my computer and there is an email from her "I still love you. My phone died"...I emailed her back and said "I do this to cell phones. I love you too"

=======================================================

Kitty Cat came over to drop me off money and giggle and chat. She informs me of 7X7 Magazine and an interview I have to do. Cool. Have them call me so we can set it up. Another article in the Chronicle. Cool. Have them call me and we can set it up. Where do I stand? What junket am I doing now? Who am I putting makeup on for? Which improv ensembles should I have there.

It's nice that I have kitty Cat. Super nice.

Call from 15-Minutes Boy. A preview show at the Climate I'm all over. This also entails seeing if the kids in Los Angeles are geared to come down and bring some special guests the week before. I really dig all the 15-Minutes men. Talk of Weekly Sunday Nights to build audience for them.

They rock. They so rock. Right now...If this happens...I just have to call up everyone (poor kitty kat) for PR, The Onion ads need to be changed two weeks beforehand...and of course the obligatory putting folks up. I really don't mind anymore. After three years this is becoming old hat.

Sent off the Breakdown of Hosting choirs to everyone. Hans is cutting the video together for the opening....and the volunteer blast goes out, I guess on Monday. At this point I just get emails and pass them along. Sassy AJ is hooking up the Georgia crew with cheap rates on a great hotel (i have been totally pushing billeting for them, but hey...a hotel room to party in for the festival)...and they are sending off flyers. Next week I take all of these posters and hand them off to the crew doing all the slathering in the city.

No tedious meetings. No double and tripple thinking. I told everyone...just tell me if you want to do something special and then do if if it is cool. My hands don't need to touch friggin everything. *fricking do it and have fun doing it*

And the regular stuff? I trust you to get it done. Because the more it is done. The more time we have to party like fucking animals for seven weeks.

Tonight is the party at Yoga Boy's Dad's place. Yoga Boy's dad is the head of the San Francisco Stage Technicians Union. He told me I could outrageously chat him up if I need people to help me design the SFIF set and run lights.

...what the hell have I done to deserve all the luck and love coming my way in the last few weeks. I'm so lucky. So fucking lucky of all he wonderful people that have fallen into my life over the last five months.

I'm making a batch of deviled eggs for the BBQ.

*yay*

 

[Shaun Landry]

Birthday Love

Fresh Salsa...Chips and 48 half devil eggs are put into a bag and two bottles of wine are put into the side to balance out The Second City Bag. Hans and I head out in a cab to a very long drive out to magic misty world filled with little homes that are adorable.

Why is it on every block in a hardcore neighborhood...there is that one creepy looking house? The one with all the lights out...the super brown grass...the only one that is not painted...and you can just imagine that there is a meth lab in the basement?

This house is next door to Yoga Boys parents house. I'm very happy not to see that the address is not his.

It was a lovely time. It was a wine party. One of RM's birthday party. The house is beautiful RM's parents are pretty much my age (about 3 or so years older than Hans) and they hit it off pretty fast.

I lay out the Deviled Eggs. Yoga Boy jokes around with me about the idea that this place is going to be fart heaven with the eggs.

An hour later? The eggs are gone. One young lady asked me if I put crack in the eggs.

RM L hates me. I just know she does. You just know someone just does not like you and you have no idea what you have done. Last time I checked? I think I have been really super nice to her. Hans informs me it is fear of me. I don't know what it is? I just want her to feel like I'm not trying to take Yoga Boy out of her company. A company that I have put into the festival and giving cheap space.

I tell her the funny story of the young kid at her party last week who put my name in permament marker on his hand and is Hamlet in Hamlet at some big stage production here. She says (with Hans behind me) "So did you fuck him?"

I looked at her...I looked at Hans..and I said "You know that would be hilarious if my MAN WAS NOT STANDING BEHIND ME. No I did not fuck him. As a matter of fact you said goodbye to me when the cab picked me up after the wallet drama" Hans was hilarious. He just started laughing, and gave me a hug when we went into the kitchen. In the kitchen he whispers in my ear "Look at that. Someone is trying to break us up. That' so cute"

Why the hell are women the way the are? What sort of threat am I to you? I got my man standing behind me and I just want to eat ribs. There is no competition here. I just came here to eat ribs and share some delviled eggs.

I tell her we start rehearsal for our two person show and she says "Don't take him away". Any lesser woman would have taken that as a challenge. Me? I just laugh and say sure.

I'm not here to take your friends or improvisers out of your company. I just want to eat some ribs and share some deviled eggs.

She heads out because she has an early class...and the rest of us chill and talk about Chappelle and the theories of comedy...and Hans is talking to a young man about film editing equipment and is being wonderfully social and awesome. Me and Yoga boy head out and talk on the stairs for a bit about everything. Hans comes out and we blather on about improv politics and the inside workingsof a company. Hans and Yoga Boy are totally hitting it off. and that is wonderful.

Birthday RM is a dear lady and we chit chat a bit. She is a nice lady with a wicked sharp sense of humor. As a matter of fact? *all the RM kids are wicked sharp as a tack* All of them. This is why the get into Backstage West.

It was a fun eve. We get a cab that surprises Yoga Boy's Mom (oh my god...they found us!) and we head out. Yoga Boy takes the remaining Salsa home for him and his lady to eat. Hans and I get into the cab. We are stuffed with Ribs and Upside down cake and Eggs and wine. The cab driver out of the blue starts giving us a San Francisco 1875-1910 History...he is obsssed with what he calls the "Powerful Four" Two of whom consisted of Stanford and Fairmont. It was a strange ride home. But very very informative as I checked this guys fact online.

Good times. It was no doubt? A sit down theater party.

======================================================

Today I get an email from some lady looking for group tickets and a schedule for June. Sure. Cool by me...I send that information out with the website to the Festival. It would be awesome to just have a 1/4 house the first weekend or second weekend of the festival without doing to much.

That would rock hard.

Meanwhile...my mail arrives. Hans asks: Do you have a check coming? I tell him no...I got all the latest checks in over the last week.

It's a check from my Ticket Service. It is a check for almost two grand. I sit there stunned. Holy SHIT. We only have a few tickets sold...HOLY SHIT.

I look at the enclosed breakdown. And it's for poor Viagra's last show about The San Francisco Earthquake.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. They never seperated out the account. So I give an immediate call to Viagra. They are doing a show today at St. Bonifice this afternoon.

Me: Hey Viagra, its Shaun
Him: Hey you.
Me: Viagra? I got a check sitting on my desk for almost two grand made out to me for *your last show*
Him: Oh my god.
Him: Exactly what I said.

So he heads over in a bit to grab the check and I'm going to sign it over directly to him. Oh my god. There is nothing worse *nothing worse* than having your money sent to the wrong person...made out to the wrong person. Especially when you got bills to pay and actors to pay. In the wrong hands, this would be a logistical nightmare.

Viagra is the nicest man on the face of the planet. This should not be happening to him.

I offer him and his lady to come to the party Friday Night. He says he misses me. I really miss him too.

========================================================================================

========================================================
There is something really comforting in these two things: Clean clothes and a full fridge. It's as though you can accomplish anything in the world because you have clothes clean to wear out of the house...and you have enough food in the fridge to not only feed yourself, but anyone who comes over. It is like some magical burden offa you.

I think the world would be a much better happier place if everyone had food in the fridge and clean clothes.

My fridge is officially stacked with more shit than I have seen for a while. We generally shop on a monthly basis...stocking up hard core...then blowing out the food by a month. We were literally down to eggs, a pack of hamburger meat and a frozen dinner before the Safeway Online Fairies showed up this afternoon.

Shopping monthly also helps us keep track on how much we spend on food a month. Both Hans and I spend about 200 bucks a month on Food...and that lasts us for the entire month...and sometimes beyond that. Online shopping has gotten loads better than we it started becoming popular...so we are saving a shit load of money on deals with our grocery card.

And I have already expressed my severe hatred of shopping. And Browsing. so the online thing spares me heading to the store...dealing with hans "touching food" (I swear, Food Shopping for him is no different than any other shopping. Staring. Touching shit comparing prices)..and trying to find a cab that cost more money to take home...than the delivery service charges.

This time Hans did the online shopping. And went nuts. He wanted to make sure me and Tut had food when he splits on Tuesday. He bought two pounds of cat litter. And me a million containers of Yougurt, because I like it. I got onto the cart and paired down a lot of stuff. He shopped like he is never coming back.

....or is he coming back. Hurm.

But its comforting. A ton of hot dogs, hamburger, chicken legs, vegtables for skewers and steaks for the BBQ Improv House Party. I don't have to worry. And my clothes are clean.

No. Worries.

 

[Shaun Landry]

I'm digging free Sundays

This morning I woke up thinking there was a party over at the space. Most of the invites that went out by Leather and Santa Hat had today...and the other for next week. I was not going to take any chances...So, I head over to the space at nine to make sure the space is tidy for the No Nude Men Crew.

I grab Starbucks and leave a poster there. All the coffee folks behind the counter know me because I have this never ending starbucks card now. They put it up and smile. I also drop off some postcards too...then asked if I got a hold ofthe Starbucks office for sponsorship.

Sure. They give me a phone number and email card. I guess I will email them on Monday. Fine by me. Throw me some starbucks money.

I walk to the space. The Usual Tweeker Suspects are out in front of the Shadow Lounge. Its 9:30AM. I will just never get it. Ever. How someone can party for that long period of time. Generally by three? I'm exhausted if I'm out. And I don't mean because I'm 40. I was like that at 22.

But there they are. A lady walks out in a black bra like thing and a pair of low riding black slacks. from a distance all she looks like is a floating black bra and slacks, she is so pale and thin. Getting closer? She looks like she is in need of some hard core sleep, a good estrigent for for the smeared makeup...and some shot for anemia. I cannot even imagine what she is going to look like when she turns 40.

I just cannot imagine. She looks like she was having fun. I actually felt bad for her. Just wanted to go up to her with a computer generated picture of her 20 years from now and say "Please. You look like a really nice girl. Go home and take care of yourself"

====================================================

I open the door of the space and the stairs are clean. Again. A good way to tell if there was anything that has happened in that space and the gauge is the stairs. The stairs are as spotless as me and Johnny Cleanup (back for a second round of "I will be trustworthy this time) did.

I smile "There was no party. Its next week." I head up the stairs and there are No Nude Men Posters leading people to the theater...one of the final signs says "Almost there...." that made me chuckle.

I call Johnny Cleanup and tell him to chill and not come over. The place is covered. I told him to be prepared for the hell that will probably happen next week.

So I got a free Sunday. Some time to spend with Hans before he heads to Florida...and updating stuff and answering emails for folks to peer at for Monday.

And get myself all geared up for tomorrow where I hit the town in a car and start plastering the city with posters and postcards with Kitty Cat.

Flour and water mixture with a brush....and a roll of scotch tape.
Good times.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Cold Coffee will never be popular

These are the words that Hans told me when we lived in Seattle and Starbucks opened up shares for a retarded low amount at a grand.

I wanted to do it. I said to him "I think this might be something"

He laughed and said "Cold Cofee? It will never be popular"

Today we are watching 60 Minutes. They have a story on Starbucks. the people who put in 10 grand? Have made over five million dollars over the years.

That would have meant my little grand would have returned a half million dollars.

I just stared on the couch and shot Hans *the look*. He smiled sheepishly and said "I still don't think cold coffee would work"

One day. One day I will get over this.

 

[Shaun Landry]

When a BBQ party becomes industry?

I have been up since 8:00AM. That was when I got the call from the Chick who wants Bunches of Tickets. I really honestly need to wake my ass up earlier if I'm going to do this for a living...or head off to sleep earlier or something. I groggliy talked to her about Festival tickets for her thing on the 17th for TFM and ImprovBoston and spent about 20 minutes chatting and being pleasant and making her laugh. We go through the pricing again...we go on the website together. She tells me that my website is the best looking one she has seen yet.

God. Thank you Merkin.

She asks about space availability. I tell her "Well, its a festival....so the space is 210 for you with free parking for your guest" There is something wonderful about the word "Free Secure Parking" to people. I think this just might be a big selling point in this town.

It is now 8:45AM. I have been on the phone with her for 45 minutes. Even how I talk on the phone for copious hours on end? This phone conversation has gotten a little too long on a business stance even for me. I go to the couch and lay down and talk to her.

She then asks if I could reccommend any other theater companies in town. So I get up and go to the computer and roll off every single improv company in San Francisco. I then say: If you want and depending on your decision making process...I can put you on the newsletter blast to everything that is going on in San Francisco, or you can go to The Alliance Site and check out the San Francisco Link Section. It is pretty updated at this point.

Her: You do that? Blast other people's stuff?
Me: That is what the Alliance is all about at the core.
Her: (laughing) Miracle on 34th Street.
Me: (appreciating new found respect for her and the reference) Thank you!
Her: Can you send me a contract for the 17th?

Me: Yes maam. Yes I can. Rest of this morning has been faxing back and forth. She sends off a check next week. And from there I pay out Will Zabeth and the True Fiction Crew.

Its going to be a madhouse on the 17th. I got 50+ reserved and its just April...and Between this group and TFM's natural fanbase? What a nice way to kick off the festival.

Meanwhile I get a call from New San Francisco based from LA agency. They have RSVP for the Improv BBQ. All of a sudden this party has turned into something really really different than what I expected.

Really different. Now I don't know whether to ask people to bring their headshots and resumes. I just want to BBQ and share some deviled eggs.

I need to stop complaining about good things.

 

[Shaun Landry]

I ordered a Pepperoni Pizza...but I got this severed head.

After a a ladies who lunch with Yoga Negro...a subway sandwich later in the night and some Simpsons chilling plus a shower...I start getting ready for the Monday Night Make Em Ups.

But its impossible to get out of the house. Yoga Boy calls and he has a car of RM people coming to the Jammy Jam. I ask for ride but they are all ou of the way. That's cool. Start getting dressed.

Call from the 15-Minute boys. They are *lost* They performed at the space last year and they are lost. I get on Yahoo and give them directions...I hang up. It's already 8:20.

I start getting dressed...and walking out the door...15-Minutes boys call. They got lost *again* I'm screaming. I tell give them directions from where they are at (this time the Giants ball park...) and I stay on the phone until they are in the right place. It's 8:40.

I risk grabbing a cab on the corner in my hood. Bad move. I do not have cab mojo tonight. Empty cabs are passing my black ass up. I do what has worked in the past: I pull out my wallet to flag down a cab. The hint that "I'm flagging you down...and I have a wallet with money in it"

This? Gets me a cab. I call Poster J up and tell him I'm running late.

I get there and all the RM and 15 minute folks are there. Generally people will sign up...head out for food or brew and come back. 15 Dan asks "Will there be more people here" I said "I looked at the sign in...it pretty jammed packed."

Sure as shit...a horde of people come strolling in. Regina Fair. Armenian Boy. The whole SPF7 crew. and a black man that came with an improviser. He is tall. He is chocolate. He is FINE.

All the RM and 15 Minutes boys shoot me a look. We are all just giggling. We are truley...honestly...wonderfully juvenile.

The sets were really good. In a jam there are always some slow stuff but the overall was awesome. I was lucky enough to not only be in the set that seemed to flow story? But I was paired with the hot tall black guy.

He is an actor taking classes later (as I found out over cognac. Yeah man! The brotha drinks COGNAC) at the community college and the man is just naturally funny. Jesus Christ at one point...the laughter in that jammed place of us on stage was deafening.

He reminds me of Ronnie Ray. It is almost stunning.

Meanwhile Justin Lamb is just one hell of a funny man. This cat just plays and plays like I have not seen in a long time.

And that 14 year old kid. A midget. That's it. He is a midget. I finger out 14 to the 15 minutes guys. they are pretty stunned. At one point there was this really awkard moment where the scene was going nowhere. He walks across the stage and announces "Awkard Sweep!" audibly saying what everyone was thinking. Fucking hilarious.

It was just a fun fun fucking jam. I waiting for the one that just blows chunks. I'm still waiting. It's been for weeks. There has to a jam at this place that blows chunks.

We all head out again to Lefty's hoping for Kevin Spacey to be there again. But he was not there. Instead it was an Irishman from Chicago with a pretty sweet sound system surroned by people from Chicago.

Joe/Jay is just being hilarious and loud "PLAY A ROD STEWART SONG" and the man plays "Do you think I'm Sexy" Putting Joe/Jays name in as much as possible.

Ha ha.

I come over and he asks if I'm from the south too. I say no...I'm from Chicago...all the women around the table yell. He played on the North Side for a long time and then I knew who he was. "This cat used to play at the Green Mill on off nights." Oh great god. I told him I was at Second City for a hot time...and two women knew Mark Sutton and Joe Bill.

The whole piano bar is Chicagoans. It was lovely. I asked for him to play The Beatles In My Life. And he asks me to sing with him. So I do. Then he says "You really have a nice voice...do you wanna do something" I said "Blues Rift in B flat."

I do a blues song to the suggestion of Club Ladies Pissing people off. Joe/jay comes up to the mic too. The man can sing. And we sing an improv Blues Song. The guy puts on some sort of something to make both of our voices sound incredible. Like a high end Karoke thing. People who were eating came up to the bar.

We are in hog fucking heaven the two of us. At the end...I promote the festival..The Make Em Ups...and then I ask the ladies "When do you head back home"

They say Thursday. I say. Then go to The Chicago Improv festival on Southport and Lincoln. Some of the best improvisers in the world are at home right now. She says "The Antheneum" I say..."You know it....hell Sutton is the Artistic Director. www.cif.com go there"

And so I'm promoting everything and putting my new "Job Description" to good use"

So for all of you going to The Chicago Improv Festival and performing from Friday on? There will be four women who just got back home from San Francisco coming to see you.

Good times. Good improv. A new male deep dark coco negro....

And fun times.

Hans leaves to go to Florida this morning at seven. I will be stagg for a week and a half.

This is going to be one hell of an interesting week.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Waiting for The Chronicle

The Houston Chronicle, that is.

I got an email from Mac from Massive Saying "Greeting From Houston!" and it is a very long email regarding a man who is doing a long form article in The Houston Chronicle asking me to talk to him.

I smiled and sent back and email just saying "You had me at Greetings from Houston" Put in my phone number and said "Have him call me anytime"

I REALLY need to get up earlier if I I'm gonna do this for a living. Or put the phone by my bed. Or something.

I heard the phone ring. It was 8:30AM. I'm laying in bed contemplating the hangover...how to roll out of bed without the natural electric shock that occurs every morn from the Sciatica in my back...and then I wonder "Should I just put on the voice mail From 10-6PM" for office hours.

So I get up. Hans bags are STILL HERE. I remember a dreamlike conversation of him saying he was leaving tomorrow instead of today. I guess, it was not a dream. His stuff is still here. Cool by me. Another day with the boy before he heads off.

I get up with no electric shock and get the phone. It's the Houston Chronicle. Oh hell. I really need to get up before nine.

I call back and get the voice mail. I figure two hour difference and he is at lunch already. I wait an hour and call back. He sounds really rushed. Poor guy. It's Tuesday. Pretty much every feature deadline paper I know has a Tuedsay Deadline.

He tries to explain all the stuff he is head high in...and I say "I got a journalism minor. Do what you got to do and get off the phone with me"

He asks if I will be around all day. I tell him yes...I'm working in today.

So I hunker in with some coffee and wait for the Chronicle to call. The Houston Chronicle.

Meanwhile The Other Houston called this morning with more people from this agency. We chat for a while and he tells me what his management place is. I had a lot of questions on exactly what they were and it turns out that indeed they manage individual clients for acting, writing, directing and all the rest. I give him phone numbers of people in town he needs to get a hold of to meet the improvisers not coming to the party.

And I stress *again* that *this is a house* *a house party* *Not a club. Not a venue. A house party*

They are totally fine with this. He asks "How will I know you?"

I say "Find the only African American Woman in the house by the grill."

He says "Great. I will be probably the only African American Male"

Cat's Black. We give great generic voice on the phone.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Walk down Festival and Tour Lane part 1

What I really love about the Santa Cruz Improv Festival is a lot of things:

1) The Organizers
2) The easy commute
3) The Theater itself
4) The Take of the door.

Negroes have been asked to come back again for The Santa Cruz improv festival. The last two years have been a blast. And this year it will be really nice to bring down Nation of Improv from Los Angeles.

The lineup is nice too: For the third year True Fiction will be there. They are doing Friday. We are doing Sunday Closing. Sunday is an odd day granted...but they literally asked what day I wanted to do...and I said Sunday (due to the idea that Thurs-Sat Negroes and Nation of Improv Close SFIF)

I love the festival circuit. For Negroes now? I just have a really hard time asking professional actors to head out on the road with no pay. There has to be a major perk to the festival that will get me out to a festival for my actors. And that would include hard core media exposure in papers on the company...some cut of the door...or industry people for my actors to send out headshots and resumes.

It's brutal. It even might sound all hoitey toitey. But is very real: Hard to ask black people to come on the road with no pay...and in most cases...paying for their own plane tickets and asking most of them to sleep on the floor.

I will be even more blunt brutal honest: With Hans at 46 and me at 40? I just cannot bear sleeping on the floor anymore of someone's home. I have Sciatica.

This has got me to thinking of all the places Negroes have performed over the 15 or so years in this country and abroad and where we have slept:

Kansas City, Kansas Improv Festival.
Trish mailed me her *house keys* I could not even believe it. I walked into her home. We did not know each other. She was asleep in her living room. I walked over her and woke her up and said: How do you like having a black person you don't know wake you up?" Great Festival Always a great festival. There are just some I would always go back to if there was a chance. This one is one.

Scott City Kansas -
Paying tour. We did the show in a beautiful theater in the smallest town we have ever played. They did not have enough room to put us all up in the Bed and Breakfast they planned....so Hans and I got that place and the rest of Negroes got the local hotel. The place we stayed was quaint and wonderful.

I swear to god. I saw where the other Negroes were staying with the brood of scary German Sheppards...and the nasty grounds...and the no missing teeth folks and the stinky rooms and went: Oh my fucking god no fucking way. We were all so tickled about this place..because we never thought places like this even existed outside of parodies of The Beverly Hillibillies. We took pictrues. Jared and I did the Green Acres/American Gothic Picture in front of the joynt. I got them out of there and moved them to the Bed and Breakfast.

University of Kansas City -
Paying gig. This was one of our first perfect tour gigs. In theory, it should have been. They flew us in. They put us up in a beautiful hotel. They picked us up and took us back to the airport. it was for a the black Soriety on campus.

If it only did not get so ugly at the end. If only. New Rule: Make clear that you are not responsible for any actor being where they are supposed to be.

Comedysportz Indianapolis/NTP
Paying gig. We did CSz Indy twice. Nice homes we stayed out. Good media. Really good pay. And that was half driving half plane. When you are young? Driving is not so bad.

Denver 1999
We were brought out by Shaun Himmerick. Beautiful theater. Hans and I stayed at Shaun's place and had a very nice room. The theater was really nice...they treated us well...We got covered in the Denver papers and television like we were The Rolling Stones. That was fun, fun times. A good company. And not a single thing went wrong. I touched a Super Bowl ring. On the player who won it. God damn good times.

Big Stinking Improv Festival:
That was always a weird deal everytime we went there. First time we had to change airline tickets because they wanted us to come down early. Dante went to a funeral home during a funeral and picked up two funeral programs to give the airlines the idea that him and the woman in the company had to fly to Austin "For an emergency" to change the flights.

We all slept on the floor of the upstairs room...while Dad's Garage slept in the Living room of a host the first year. Second Year? they paid for a hotel room for me because I taught. The final time was I rented an apartment. I try to do that now everywhere I go if I'm lucky.

New York, Amnesia Wars
We all stayed at Rob Reese Place in his front room (a place where I always have a place to crash in Manhatten, god love him) and I will never forget that. Ever. One of our company members had the most mind numbing snore in the world. I was in tears. Skippy had headsets. Hans can sleep through anything. This man had a screaming decibal shattering snore. I do not even JOKE when I mean it was a screaming snore. nothing could stop it. nothing. I was so tired and in tears...by five in the morning I just could not take it. I got up and went into Reese bedroom, climbed up the ladder and crawled into bed with him. He mumbled half asleep and almost estactic "Is this happening?" I said "Go back to sleep. Its you or your roommate. I got to sleep in here or I will kill" It was a show that was just nice to say "We finally did New York" I had fun.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Walk down Festival and Tour Lane part 2

Boston/Renegade Duck
This was the Sgt Peppers of Oui Be Negroes. We stayed in numerous places...Hans and I staying with Ilene and the rest of the cast over at the incredible home of Austin with a Hot Tub. This was the trend of Me and hans taking place without the big perks. My big perk was Ilene. I love her. that is perk enough. At some point we crashed at the house with the Hot Tub at the end of the run. And we had a hot tub party after our final show (which was like Granada landed in the Hong Kong. Cameras were everywhere. Big feature in the globe. the 50 plus Eurpeaon Tourists, we were broadcast live over the radio). I remember handing dante his cut of about 900 bucks. He just looked at me and went "Oh chile...I love you."

Damn. I miss Dante Richardson. I lot.

CIF:
The first time we did CIF we lived in Chicago, so it was not even an issue. Second Time with Flake..I shared an amazing place with Slapp Happy. Third time with Negroes...we were all *over the place* Hans and I staying with Duane on The North Side...Ray and Jordan on the South Side...and Stan and his man in a hotel downtown enjoying Chicago together. CIF is the only festival I don't mind not getting a lot of perks for. That is a mecca festival. And for me? It's just an excuse to go home.

Orlando Fool's Fest
Once with Negroes. Once solo. Hans and I stayed with his parentts for Negroes in Lakeland. That was what it was. Lots of very tough porkchops and her wondering why we had to leave. The fires on the highway. Not. The. Festival's. Fault. The crew stayed with billeting in Orlando. That was an INCREDIBLE FESTIVAL full of great times and lots of beer. One dollar beers. We were all in hog heaven. Including the Canadians. The second year I stayed at a hotel. I was in a really super bad way that year personally, and probably should have stayed with someone. Me seperated from Hans. One of our cats dying while I was on the road. It was probably a great festival. I just was not in any mind set to be really social.

New York Improv Festival
I taught. I stayed at Rob Reese's place again with Precious and few who came down. It was the last time I saw Martin DeMaat Alive. Seeing him and being able to hug him was worth the entire time I was there. It was also worth the time to leave San Francisco and go to a town that could actually cut and relax black hair. That was worth the while. and with all the drama? Overall it was good, good times.

Stanford/BATS
Paying gig. Paid teaching. Everyone treated us like rock stars. We stayed on the Stanford Campus Grounds in one of their guests bungalows. The trees on Stanford smell like cat pee to me. And the entire place looks like one big Taco Bell. They were good good kids on that campus. Negroes went off without me to Los Angeles to scope that out and I stayed with Precious and Few and then The Person This Blog is Really About places.

This was the gig that made me decide I did not want to move to Los Angeles.

Boston./ImprovBoston/New York
We stayed at the home of Will Lurea's girlfriend. hans and I took the floor. The rest of the cast had beds upstairs. It was the first time I audibly heard Negro members *complain about the place they were staying* And they were complaing to me. Someone sleeping on the floor. The shows we did were fine. The inner workings of that company? The worst in Negro History. We headed off to New York. Stan stayed with his man in a NY hotel. Ron and Hans stayed with former Negro Jared. the ladies stayed at a home. It was warm and the place was small...but had a outdoor hammock...so I slept in the Hammock.

If there was not something legit to complain about on that tour...they found *something* we did not have an audience the first night in Boston because there was a torrential thunderstorm. Somehow or another, I should have planned that. I walked into the backstage of the New York venue after spending an hour making sure everyone's picture and headhots were done in a professional package...and the women having a Shaun Landry bashing field day. They were laying into me. And I listened. Because its fascinatng to hear the other persepctive. How "Stuck up" I was. How "Full of myself" I was. how "they thought I was skimming money off the top of the show"

It was awesome. The stuck up full of herself skimmer who was sleeping in an hammock outside, never said a bad word about any of these women and I was down to 42 dollars in New York because I took my share of the money to pay for people's dinner. It was awesome, I walk around the corner quietly...and they could not get into that "Pretend like you are talking about someone else mode" they just sat there, with all thier makeup on staring. I smiled and said "GOD I LOVE NEW YORK. I just came here to make sure all your info is in the package for the industry people out there."

We went back to Boston to do our final shows without the one throwing the most shit. She went back home. It was the best show of that tour with ImprovBoston.

We get onstage and the one throwing the most shit (the one who we gave extra money to because her house burned down before we got there) dropped half of her lines during the sketch portion. These gals I took to New York. It was a painful (as the Boston Kids would sat) wicked stupid pissa of a tour

A week after that gig. Brand new cast. One well placed email? They all quit while they still looked like the good guy. Became everything they wanted me to be in that email. How do you get rid of someone? Empower them.

The happiest I had been in a long time.

Amsterdam International Improv Festival:
We stayed on the floor on matresses in a beautiful apartment overlooking the canal. I still so not used to the idea that the toilet is not in the same room as the shower. those wacky Dutch. The Jet Lag was the bitch to get over the most but that was a fun festival. Until the Blackface.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Miami Improv Festival - Black and Tan
That was a lot of money to get there. Even with the payment for teaching and the payment for shows We spent a lot of cash. We paid for a hotel around the venue. First they did not have our reservations. This was also the case for a few festival goers. Not the festival fault. I went upstairs when they finally got us a room figured out...and went downstairs to check out where the business room and the pool was...I walk through the lobby...

And there was the security guard in the lobby WATCHING HARDCORE PORN. black hardcore porn. I'm a big fan of porn? But not in a hotel lobby! He stared at me walking by with him watching porn and he starts leering at me.

Not. The Festival's Fault. But Goodamn I waited for the morning crew to get there and told them "look. This guy was watching goddamn porn in the Lobby of your hotel. When he asked (to make sure I was not lying) I said. Black Porn. All about big butts from what I could tell walking by because the woman had a big but going down on a well endowed black man. Do you want me to get any more specific?

That was an okay festival. I had a good time. Joe Bill and I sitting in the corner getting stoned and him dubbing tan officially "The Princess"

Funny Women's Festival
I had a great time in Chicago both festivals. Lord, I stayed at this college campus studio apartment. They had a loft and this weird bed with a crappy spring holder. But, they had this awesome loft over the awesome bathroom. I took the matress and put it in the loft and made home up there. I remember Jill Bernard stayed with me, where we stayed up one night (me in the loft...her on the box matress) drunk. We came up with the show "Two drunk chick talking"...where we would have a working shower onstage (like the glass one in the place) and at some point one of us would have to a shower.

We felt that alone would draw some sort of audience.

Place. It was hot. Really really hot the first festival. I remember getting off the plane and hitting that area where the plane connects to the walkway and felt the funk. Standing in front of The Old Playground space with Barbara Scott and just sweating. I was not moving. I was just sweating up a storm. I turn to Barbara and I said "I want to go home". And I did not mean to the South Side. I mean to always temperate San Francisco, where I was living for about three months before Funny Womens. The first fest they saved my ass because meanwhile I had to get Negroes out of hock from Customs who had stopped them when they were doing Winnepeg at the same time. I spent all of my Chicago money to get them a hotel room...because Customs held them up for no reason whatsoever....then the whole flack jacket Canadian Mounted Police Sitation. They cut me my teaching check the moment I got there. The Second Festival was good. The New York one I stayed again with Rob Reese and a lot of face time with Negro Jared. That was the best time with us in Rob's place. We also stayed with Asaf and Adrianne...and she gave us this wax hand parafin treatment! Tan and I went shopping at Tiffany's. We both were so broke. I did not have any classes scheduled. And the only thing that saved us was the paying gig Asaf got us and the loan from Frost to get to the airport afterwards.

Toronto:
I stayed at a hostel. I said it before...this hostel was really super fun and hip...but for the young. for 20-38 year old travelling on the cheap? this rocks. For anyone over the age of of 38? staying longer than a week? This is the place you commit suicide. KPR treated me like a rock star when I was there. It was hard to see shows at the mainstage for the cost...but I had a fun time there and got paid for classes. It was worth it.

Oberlin Improv Conference:
Three years straight I was on the campus during 4/20. You cannot get any cooler than this. First year they put Negroes up on the College Campus Hotel. That was lovely. The Second Year? They put me and Miles Stroh up in a place a million miles away from the Campus (it seemed). Still good times. Last time I brought Precious and few and they put us back up in the Campus Hotel (this was probably due to the fact that the person I brought up family should have made him a legacy at that college.)


Denver 2005:
To be honest? I was not going to submit to any festivals last year. I was asked to start submitting because the actors in my ensemble outside of me and Hans wanted to do a festival. We drove. *never again* with me and Sciatica. Hans and I shared residency with Fed-Ex Head who has possibly the most incredible snore I have heard in a while (this does not top the company member in New York) and Curly slept in Front. Tan got the best place with a beautiful house close to the theater and a vegetable garden with already ripe cucumbers. It was a fun fun festival, and I love every one of those cats in Denver.

Hand down? the worse one we ever did?

Bloomington Indiana
It was bad from jump start. They *asked us to come down* They *asked us* This one sticks in Hans memory the most (probably because Hans graduated from Indiana University and all the papers were touting him as an alumni.)

They sold more tickets for the one show...so they asked if we could do a second show. Sure. Sounds great to us. Both shows were jammed packed. They said they were going to do a short set. They say the college reviewer is going to be there. Fine by me.

They got up and performed three times longer than they said. I guess they never had a house that big. It was pretty unbelievable. Okay. Whatever. We just shorten our show so this does not become a three hour deal.

We do our shows. They give us our check as a joke in our basket when we were doing a soul collection plate thing. Later Hans looks at the Check. and then figures out the money. They only paid us for the first house and not the second. Alright. What the fuck. Whatever. The reviewer comes up to me and gushes over the show and says "I have been trying to get into this group for a while. I LOVE IMPROV!!" Oh man. I see this coming like a train wreck.

It's 11:30. We just needed to crash. I walk up to the person and say "Where are we staying for the night" They did not figure that out. They actually hemmed and hawed putting us up. We ended up sleeping on the floor in this guys house. One of our members slept on the kitchen floor like a dog.

The next week the reviewer they had put out his article. HE CREAMED Oui Be Negroes. And gave the college troupe this biggest suck up review I have ever seen. Saw it coming. Like a train wreck.

So. We were asked out to Indiana. Oui Be Negroes got treated like..well...Niggers.

=========================================

Between 18 to now in one way or another I have done a lot of touring. If not with Geese company in a bus for almost three years...than with Child's Play (a year), Negroes (10 years touring) or on my own (about seven).

So everytime I see a festival or something I really want to go to? My natural instinct is to want to go go go..

Then my head kicks in.

 

[Shaun Landry]

Man is gone

He woke me up and kissed my goodbye as always. I told him I would miss him and to not die on the plane...and if he did die...that I will always love him. He laughed. I say this to everyone who gets on a plane. I just do. Even before 9/11.

He walks to the end of the bed and tucks my feet under the blanket. Something he does every morning because he knows my feet get really cold.

I will miss that for a week or so. I'm sure we will talk to each other every day. But I will miss that. I love Hans. I really love him. We have been pretty insepertable since we got back together. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking leaving him. I really love him. And I can say with no compunction that he loves me. Who else would put up with the storm I bring?

===========================================

Some simple biz tips for Improv Businesses:

• If the ad guy says "The ad is 300 dollars and I can do 10 Weeks?" They actually mean "This ad is 300 dollars a week at three grand".
• Tell the improv community about your shows, so we can at least promote it when we get questioned about it form Chicks who wants Bunches of Tickets. Don't make us go: "errg? You might want to email them" and them saying "We did...what do you know about this one man show"...and the only thing you can go on is the man's professional reputation.
  
  Then you have to finally search to see the information on The local theater Website and Read the info from there.
• If you want a corporation to see your improv show? You probably want to: 1) Express you have a space to fit them 2) Express your space is not small ever 3) Promote a show that is not going to scare away even the most liberal of corporate people. You might want to leave the part about "A Perverse and sick look at The Corruption of Corporate Society "out of the email you send to the corporate people.

This is what I had to deal with today. From the call from Chick Who Wants Bunches of Tickets, who is on myspace...and my sponsor.

When asked my opinion on other people's business? I told Chick Who Wants Bunches of Tickets: I don't know. Call them and ask. It is honestly not my business.

Shiny happy world. It's been good. And it will stay that way. The High Road is always the hardest to take. The most dangerous one too.

I like danger. From moving classes to not conflict, to telling the person who signed a 65 seat ticket deal: If you would like to move your dates to Friday, and you can see an improv show not associated with SFIF on Saturday, I would be more than happy to...because you will be really pleased by whatever this man does onstage.

When I get the same phone call from the same establishment asking me to do a show and me asking them if they want to bring down the show that was on Television...and finding out that the following week there is a one man show?

*and cancelling out that idea because of conflict of interest*

Shaun "Danger" Landry

Today I spoke with The other Houston. And spoke of the BBQ and all that entails. Then I head off with Moronlife to distribute cards and posters and treat him to a nice dinner afterwards. We also pick up my grill from the Climate, head to get my cash from them and make sure everything is going to be cool for the party over there on Saturday.

You smile, you roll...you keep doing what you are doing. The Karma world has been good to me. Its a hard and dangerous road to maintain.

I like hard and dangerous.