For anyone who wants to listen

[Rachel]

This is for you

"Your Redneck Past"

choose from any number of magazines
who do you want to be?
billy idol or kool moe dee?

if you're afraid they might discover your redneck past
there are a hundred ways to cover your redneck past
they'll never send you home

roots!
the funny limbs that grow underground
that keep you from falling down
don't you think that you'll need them now?

just find a place where no one knows of your redneck past
yeah, you can easily dispose of your redneck past
you'll show them all back home

desole
je suis american
please cook my steak again
je suis american
desole
je ne parle pas francais

laws vary from state to state
getcha some books on tape
learn about holes in space

if you're afraid they might discover your redneck past
there are a hundred ways to cover your redneck past
it's good to be back home

-Ben Folds Five
________________________________

. . . and if you think it's about you, it probably is!

 

[Rachel]

for you if you take it personally

If you like gentrification - you're a fool. That's just my opinion.

 

[Rachel]

The most beautiful man in the world lives in Brooklyn Heights . . .

he's glued to the NYTimes at some diner,
he doesn't even know I exist, and I doubt he ever will.

Marlena on the other hand has the advantage of being able to stalk his cute ass 24/7.

Do this for women everywhere drifter!

:blush:

 

[Rachel]

How to find parking in Harlem

I recently moved to 132nd Street, between Lennox and 7th Ave. On the surface it is the stereotypical Harlem neighbourhood - large groups of people hanging out on each corner, music gushing out of every window, and aggressive pitbulls with thick chains around their necks. So last night when my dog was dropped off after spending a 3 week vacation Upstate NY, I was a little worried at how she, and I, would be received.

At around 7pm I decided to take her for a walk to explore the neighbourhood. We got back about a half hour later, and as I was about to go inside somebody calls out in a loud, gruff voice, "Hey, what kinda' dog you got there?" "Great dane, boxer mix." I reply. "She beautiful," then he starts screaming, "MA GET OUT HERE! COME SEE THIS BEAUTIFUL DOG, AND BRING DUTCHESS"

Dutchess was one of the 'killer' pitbulls I had seen last week that had struck fear in my heart. She and Lola got along amazingly well.

Another couple from up the street heard all the comotion, and came outside to see what was going on. I introduced myself as the new neighbour, the husband went inside, got his 'killer' pitbull, and now there were three. His wife decided that coming to a new neighbourhood called for apple pie, so she ran home and returned moments later with a pie she had made earlier that day. Apparently it tastes better warm, so I should set the oven to 375 and heat it up just a smiggen before I eat it!

They were all double parked, waiting for people who don't live in the neighbourhood to move their cars. They informed me that some houses have 3 cars, and some houses don't have cars at all, so it averages out to about 1 car per house. They know exactly which cars belong and which don't, and frankly it's just bad manners to stay parked on a residential street after 6pm. Afterall they pay property tax, and these spots belong to them. I was convinced.

Parking on these tight streets involves teamwork, patience and attitude. One neighbour is called via cell phone to come out and act as a physical marker, when a spot finally does become available. He goes, stands in the spot, and calls on the car that's been waiting the longest. Everyone is more than happy to let that person take the spot, since it's the fair thing to do. If another spot becomes available while the marker is holding the first spot, one of the children from the back seat (apparently there's always at least one child) have to run out and save the spot - standing in the spot is to prevent any aggressive outsiders from taking them. This happens every night, and can take hours - it's the social event of the evening. And frankly I was having a blast. I even tried my hand at physically marking spots . . . tons of fun.

Another neighbour thought it just wouldn't be right for me to have the apple pie without vanilla ice cream, so she called her daughter, who was at home, and told her to bring out a pint of vanilla ice cream and gave her my address. Minutes later this adorable young girl comes running down the street with a pint of ice cream, hands it to me very matter of fact and skips back home. When I was finally able to dismiss myself, I had been outside for over three hours.

This morning I took my dog for a walk at 6:30am in the pouring rain, when I returned, this old woman was standing on my stoop, she brought me some warm coffee because she heard I was new to the area and wanted me to feel at home.

 

[Rachel]

Wake up call

As it turns out the building 2 doors down from me is a halfway house. It's not so much the halfway house that bothers me, rather how I found out.

I finally got to sleep around midnight last night, only to wake up 1 hour later to the sound of sweeping. I looked out my window, and saw an old man dressed in a dark suit, tie, dress shoes, and hat sweeping his front stoop. I shrugged my shoulders figuring everyone has their own schedule, and crawled back into bed. 1 hour later, I woke up to singing accompanied by acoustic guitar - looked out my window and saw exactly that. So when I heard someone skipping 1 hour later, I decided there was no sense looking out my window because that's exactly what it was.

So why was I surprised when I woke up to a voice over a loud speaker, demanding that martin get inside for the morning meeting or he would be marked as absent. Or moments later when that same voice screamed "Don't think we can't see you climbing the tree missey, get down or you will be marked absent for the morning meeting!"

At that point I got my ass out of bed, because clearly there was no point in sleeping. It turns out halfway people don't sleep. I walked my dog, showered, and went to work. On my way to the subway, I was serenaded by loud, off tune choral singing that ended in an announcement over the loud speaker "THIS MEETING IS ADJOURNED, THANK YOU FOR ATTENDING, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WERE MISSING . . . WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!"

 

[Rachel]

Reunited

5 1/2 years ago, I was walking down Broadway, and stopped at a deli on the Southwest corner of 103rd to buy a refreshment. As I walked out of the bodega, I saw a dilapidated sedan with South Carolina plates, and a sign that read 'Boxer/Great Dane pups $50' I walked towards the car and asked if I could see the dogs, the 'gentleman' opened the trunk and there they were. 10 pups (5 black, 5 brindle) all knotted up sleeping in a big clump, in what I'm certain was a carbon monoxide filled trunk. I decided to buy the smallest one of the litter, with the most contrasting brindle. And that was how Lola, my dog and very best friend on earth, was born.

Lola came home with me to Jersey City, where I had just recently moved. She was emaciated and way too young to be taken from her mother. But 5 1/2 years later, she's a healthy 80lb beauty.

This past Sunday I took her on a long walk along Riverside Park and saw another dog approaching that looked exactly like her, only bigger. It turns out Bonnie Mae was also purchased for $50, on 103rd and Broadway, from the trunk of a car - and she's 1/2 boxer 1/2 great Dane. Lola has been reunited with her sister, and frankly I've never been so excited. Lola tried to pick a fight with Bonnie, but such is sibling rivalry. I've programmed Bonnies owners in my phone as 'Bonnie Mae', and I'll be taking pictures of their romping this weekend!

 

[Rachel]

We have not come a long way baby

I work for a consulting firm that is very touchy feeley. They have these horrible events every month called big Friday (a day where you can choose to go horseback riding, rock climbing, play 'tug-of-war' etc.), and every Thursday they have director dinners (all the directors take a group of people out for a schnazzy dinner), and everyone is assigned a 'buddy' - someone to talk to and hang out with (bullshit - it's all very '1984'find out about this person so you can rat on them). The buddy comes with a monthly budget with which we can choose to have dinner, lunch or drinks. I have successfully avoided all activities until this week.

My buddy's name is Marjorie and she works in HR. She's half Colombian, half Puerto Rican, and hates the term Hispanic, which I can understand. It's a pretty loaded word. Though its definition has been repeatedly modified, it originally signified 'people conquered by Spain'. So her desire to disassociate herself as a 'conquered people' was understandable. She has a very fair complexion, with light brown hair, and green eyes, so she takes great pride in her ability to pass. She realises her maiden name doesn't look good on paper due to her obviously Spanish name. I listened to this stunned and speechless.

She and her husband are recently married, and though her husband is Puerto Rican, he, thankfully, has a last name that sounds Italian. So now she's dropped her horribly stifling maiden name and breezes through life with her new found whiteness. She just bought a 2 family house in Staten Island, in a nice Italian neighbourhood. She told me she's been interviewing people to rent out the upstairs apartment, and she found the perfect candidate. A 32 year old single man who makes $100,000.00/year. He seems to really want the apartment, but unfortunately he's black, and the neighbours have been pretty clear on their stance on both hispanics and blacks . . . "So," she said happily, "I'll just have to keep looking."

 

[Rachel]

I haven't written in this thing since last year - oh wow last year on my parents wedding anniversary. I just noticed that. Very interesting. I have nothing to add to this journal other then the desire to start it up again. So this is just a gesture of sorts.

thanks for reading, hopefully it'll get more interesting. If it doesn't . . . well that's ok too.

 

[Rachel]

Inspiration

holy crap - i've been inspired to make an entry:

Faye Dunaway is a judge on the new trainwreck of a reality show 'the starlet' . if you loved america's next top model you will loose your mind over this show. so far the audition monologues have come from 'the bodyguard' and smallville (yes you heard right smallville). I only have 2 words for Faye (well three if you count 'and'):

'Bonnie and Clyde'

I'm weeping.

taken from an email sent out this morning