Finding a Voice

[kevhines]

I should not type this much....

So about a month ago my hands started hurting. Since I work with computers I feared that I had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, and I stopped typing for the day. It was a Thursday afternoon when it started. I did very little work on that Friday and stayed off my computer at home all weekend. Monday my hands felt a bit better, but not completely, and by the end of the day they hurt a lot again.

I couldn't afford to stop typing (it's how I pay my bills) so I called my doctor. He couldn't see me for a week and a half. I had no choice but to wait.

The week and a half goes by and I go see him. He can't help me (of course). He gives me a prescription for some anti-inflammatory medicine and a referral for a hand specialist. I make an appointment the next morning with the hand specialist. He can't see me for a week.

The week goes by and I go see the specialist. He tells me it is tendonitis, caused by repetitive stress. And he tells me to go get Physical Therapy on my hands. So I make an appointment for that. But by now it is Thanksgiving, so I get the first appointment after the holidays.

But I have to call my primary physician and get a referral. So I call my doctor (or really his receptionist) and explain the issue. I make an appointment for Wed Dec 4th. Today (the 3rd) I get a call saying my appointment has been cancelled because no referral got placed.

I call my doctor enraged, and they immediately give me a referral (it took her 2 minutes...despite in the past her complaining that I needed to give plenty of notice when requesting a referral). So I still have my appointment tomorrow (thank god!). But it's been 4 weeks since my hands started hurting. This is taking forever to be dealt with.

* * *

In a related story, a couple of weeks ago I switched phone services, from Verizon to MCI (I am always looking for ways to cut down on my phone bills). A week and a half went by and I still was on Verizon so I called MCI to see what the deal was. I had to skip the automated menu because I had no account number. When I finally got in, I explained I had no account number to the guy. Let's call him idiot #1.

Idiot #1: Well can I have your social security number?
(I give it to him)
Idiot #1: Hmmmm. You have two accounts listed.
Me: Well, I was on MCI in the spring. Maybe that is one of the accounts?
Idiot #1: Well. Which account are you now?
Me: I don't know. You should be able to tell.
Idiot #1: How?
Me: Well, the one that is cancelled is the old account. The one that has been requested is the new one and the one I am calling about
Idiot #1: I guess I can check.

That got him through. He said everything was in order, and I should be transferred over in a few days.

The next day I got a letter from MCI (so it had obviously been set prior to me calling).

I called MCI.

Idiot #2: Why are you calling?
Me: I don't know you asked me to call
Idiot #2: Please Hold (elapsed time of hold: 8 min 38 sec.)
Idiot #2: It seems your order didn't go through.
Me: Why not?
Idiot #2: I'm not sure. Maybe you have multiple lines.
Me: I don't have multiple lines.
Idiot #2: It says you called yesterday
Me: Yes...to see why I had not been switched over. THe guy I talked to said everything was fine, although he didn't seem to know much.
Idiot #2: Oh....it's probably just an issue with multiple lines.
Me: I don't have multiple lines
Idiot #2: I can send your order through again.
Me: But will it work?
Idiot #2: Yes. Please hold. (elapsed time of hold: 7 min. 58 sec.)
Idiot #2: I will transfer you to a independent confirmation party.

The confirmation party was automated. Which is obnoxious. A lot of "Please speak and spell you first name at the beep". That night I got home to have a voicemail from Idiot #2 telling me should would call me later, but not telling me why.

Later that night I got the call.

Idiot #2: Your order didn't go through.
Why not?
I don't know. Did you ask any questions to the independent confirmation service.
No. It was automated. I couldn't ask a question even if I wanted to.
What?
It was a machine.
Oh. I didn't know that. Let's put your order through again.
Why do you think it will work.
Please hold. (elapsed time of hold: 4 min. 13 sec.)

She then sent me to the automated service which recited my phone number incorrectly.

Machine: You requested blah blah blah changes to 555-2134 BEEP
Me: No.
Machine: It sounded like you said no. We will ask the question again.You requested blah blah blah changes to 555-2134 BEEP.
Me: No.
Machine: Please speak clearly. Please hold (elapsed time of hold: 35 sec.)

Then a man came on the phone and asked all the same questions...when he got to my phone number I explained that it was not my phone number. He transferred me back to MCI.

Idiot #3: It says here you have two accounts. One for 555-1234 and one for 555-2134.
Me: I don't have the number 555-2134.
Idiot #3: You have an account for it.
Me: I don't have that number.
Idiot #3: Then why do you have an open account for it.
Me: I don't know. You tell me.
Idiot #3: Well, do you want to get MCI on that number?
Me: I don't have that number. I want MCI on the 1234 number.
Idiot #3: Ok. I will close the 2134 number and set you up with MCI on 1234.

That was 5 days ago. I am still on Verizon. Honestly this is going to save me like 30-40 dollars a month, or I wouldn't bother.

 

[kevhines]

Talking Super-Heroes

I eat out most nights. Partially it's cause I don't like to cook, but also it's because after work I don't often have time to go home before having to be somewhere else. So I eat out a lot. But I don't like eating in restaurants alone. So I either grab food or bring something to read. I can't eat in a restaurant with a book or magazine or something.

The other day I was in a diner and I was reading some comic books. Now I am not embarrassed to read comics. I love comic books. Anyone who has been in my apartment knows this. Most people who talk to me know this. But I am embarrassed by most people who want to talk comic books. And the ones that are embarrassing will talk to strangers if they know you like comics. So reading comics in public is like an invitation.

So this guy comes up to me.

him: "Hey comic books. I read comic books. What are you reading?"
I don't want to answer. One, because he wants me to say Spider-Man or Superman and my answer is longer then that. And two, because that invites him to keep talking.
me: "It's called Wildcats."
him: "...oh...are they super heroes?"
me: "...yeah, sort of." Well not really. It's a comic about a super powerful being running a corporation. Taking over a world through capitalism. There are powers, but no capes or super villains. Not what you see in movies or cartoons anyway. But, I want the conversation to end.
him: " They should make another Batman movie."
me: " Yeah." Damnit!
him: " Or Batman meets Superman. I heard they were going to make that. Wouldn't that be cool?"
me: " I guess."
him: " Hey they still have that clone?"
me: " What?" Honestly, I know exactly what he is talking about. He is referring to a time when Superman story where he died and was replaced by 4 other heroes. One was a clone. Yes, they still have him. He is Superboy.
him: " You know. When Superman died."
me: " Oh. Right. I don't know. I don't read Superman. " That is true. But I still know what he is talking about.
him: " Oh yeah. Superman died. It was cool. Ah whatever."
me: " Yeah, I remember. "
him: " Hey who is going to play Daredevil?"
He is going to stand over me forever isn't he. I am never going to get him to leave me alone.
me: " Ben Affleck. "
him: " Oh yeah. It doesn't look good."
me: " No. It doesn't. "
him: " Hey they were going to have Nicholas Cage be Superman. But he doesn't look like Superman."
This guy likes Superman.
him: " Spider-man was good. I think the next movie should use Kingpin."
me: " Well Kingpin is in Daredevil, so I doubt they will put him in Spider-man."
him: " No they are making a new Spider-man. With the same guy making it."
My mistake. I talked too much. I am stuck.
me: " Right. I know. But Kingpin is in Daredevil. "
him: " Oh."
me: " So they wouldn't use the same villain in Spider-man."
him: " But they are making another one."
me: " I know. I am just saying it won't have Kingpin in it."
him: ".....oh. You know what was dumb? That Batman Beyond."
Resist....resist....I can't.
me: " I liked that."
him: " Really?"
me: " Yeah, it was really well done. Terrible concept, incredible execution."
him: " With two Batmans. One is old. The other is a kid."
Sort of. Bruce Wayne is old and helps the new Batman, but I am trying to end this.
me: " Yes."
him: " That was good?"
me: " I liked it."
him: " Oh. Well, anyway. They should make Superman and Batman"
me: " Yeah."
him: " heh. comics."

 

[kevhines]

new toy

I got a digital camera!

I am not all that great with it yet.

But I was playing with it last Thursday, let's see how I did.

Here is a picture of Sean Taylor

We are hanging out before our callback auditions. Even with our time wasting at starbucks we got to our audition about an hour early. Sean thought that was too early. Seeing as how no one was in the office other then Billy Merrit and Chad Carter I guess he was right.

After callbacks we went to the No Idea bar to scrutinize our scenework. Later on Erik Tanouye joined us. Then Sean left. Then Chris Butler joined us. After the 2nd pitcher of beer I remembered I had a new camera to play with.

The flash is a bit harsh in a dark bar. Then Erik asked if I had timer. I assumed so, and we tried to do a group shot.

That smirk on my face is proof I had been drinking. Or that Butler had something funny. I can't remember now.

I attempted the timer shot again

Better framing, but the flash is still too harsh for the bar. I will have to play around more with the camera.
At this point in the evening we decided our phones had to be broken because we had not been called to inform us that we were on a Harold Teams.
Luckily Erik Tanouye's phone started working the next day. Chris and I should probably take our phones in to a repair shop soon or we will never hear from the committee.

At the end of the night Erik posed far away in the dark.

Why are you reading such a boring entry?

Also keep in mind my Fish Tank Death Match journal will have photos now too!

 

[kevhines]

My tendonitis is acting up again. So what do I do? Update my journal!!

I get on the elevator with my Ranch 1 Grilled Chicken Sandwich combo and there are three people in the elevator. One is standing directly in front of the elevator buttons.

me: "Can you hit 8?"
dude: "I can't hit 8...but I can press it."
(he presses 8)
dude's 2 friends: "ha ha ha"
me: "whichever."
girl: "I smell french fries."
dude: "That's me. I forgot to wear deodorant."
dude's friends: "ha ha ha"
dude: "I'm just kidding. That's a joke."
(they get off the elevator on their floor)

While I can't explain it in words...this is a big part of the reason that I hate people.

Go see Stomping Ground this Friday at midnight at the UCB!!

 

[kevhines]

Being a jerk to a jerk

So I occasionally play darts with my friends Sean Taylor and Brian Waddell. A while back Sean called me asking me to play along with their dart league. They need 6 people to play, and only had 5 available. The only catch was to play in the league you needed to be on the roster, so I had to assume the name of a roster member that never showed (and never planned on showing). So for dart purposes I played as Joe Delucia.

I ended up playing 3 times.

Recently playoffs began for the league, and Joe qualified to be on the playoff roster. Which was lucky as only 5 guys could make round 1.

Sean and I went early to warm up for the games. As we headed over to Who's On First (the bar this round would be played at) Sean told me he heard this team was filled with jerks. He had never met them.

So Sean and I play a game of darts, and I notice that two of the other team's members had arrived. I decided to say hello.

This was all a lot of backstory for the following exchange.

Me: "Hey you guys are on the dart team right?"
Guy1: "Yes."
Me: "I'm Joe, and this is Sean."
Guy2: "and you're here to PUMP us up? Ha ha ha"
Me: "Yeah, I don't get that."
Guy1: "It's from Saturday Night..."
Me: "No, I know the reference, I just don't get why he said it."
(uncomfortable silence)

So apparently I was the jerk. Not them. I just hate people quoting something from a movie or show and thinking that is a joke. I remember the sketches, and many of them were funny. But using that line in and of itself is not funny. Maybe if Sean or I were named Hans or Franz. Or even Ivan or Sven. Or if were built or had accents, or were in sweats. Of if I had said "I am Joe" and Sean had said "And I am Sean". It would not have been funny, but it would have been more appropriate.

Since losing my job I have been very stingy with my casual laughs. When I worked I laughed at non-funny things all the time. In meetings I laughed. You do that. You feel awful, but it makes everyone comfortable. You laugh at things that aren't even jokes. "Man is it hot" "Ha Ha ha. Yeah, it sure is".

But when I am not being paid to be nice I can't force myself to laugh at things like that. People need to improve their sense of humors. If I laugh at jokes like that, then I am responsible for the success of bad comedies that get released. I can't live with that guilt. I still feel guilty about paying full price to see "Who's Harry Crumb"

 

[kevhines]

Blackout 2003.

I was bored most of the night. Most of my friends have cell phones and I could not talk to anyone. My phone was not mkaing long distance phone calls. So I sat on my fire escape and took pictures...even though I knew few would come out.

But a few came out - sorta.

and I really liked these two because nothing but the signs came out. I cropped out a lot of darkness.

 

[kevhines]

As a Red Sox fan I have had to defend my team from biased Yankee fans as well as casual baseball fans who don't know what they are talking about. So here is my response to what I saw on Saturday.

Pedro did not throw at Karim Garcia on purpose. That pitch got away from him. It likely was supposed to be inside and just kept going. Pedro is not stupid enough to throw a pitch that could easily go wild with a guy on third base. That would have cost the Red Sox a run. People have also pointed out how a pitcher as good as Pedro doesn't lose control. These people should have watched Pedro pitch all year (and last year). His control has been spotty all year. I have watched Pedro pitch his entire career with the Sox, and I have seen him go after guys. I know what it looks like. Make sure you know what it looks like before you claim he was obviously going after Garcia. Also - if Pedro was going to hit someone on purpose it would have been a better hitter then Garcia.

So Garcia gets mad. The Yankees catcher (Posada) gets mad. Pedro talks smack back and threatens. Not cool - but I am glad my pitcher doesn't take this sh*t from the opposing team.

Manny Ramirez did over-react. Those pitches were not near him. He was being over-sensitive because of the earlier events and his reaction was wrong. The rest of the Sox ran out to stop him.

Pedro threw Don Zimmer down. Good for him. I don't care how old Zimmer is. The man was insane. He charged Pedro. Pedro could have run away, or he could have let Zimmer attack him. Neither sounds very smart to me. So he moves Zimmer aside, and the old fat man falls down. He then gets back up. Then lays down. Then is seen laughing in the dugout. The he goes to the hospital. As a manager he should know better. He should lead by example and not fight. None of the other Yankees were attacking Pedro why did he? Some say because as a player Zimmer was beaned (and bad! he has a metal plate in his head now). So I can see why he is sensitive - but its not like Zimmer saw Pedro pitch and lost it. He saw Pedro pitch, got mad, sat, and eventually attacked Pedro. That is nuts. Pedro did nothing wrong.

Nelson attacked a grounds crew because the guy was cheering for his home team in the Yankees bullpen. I don't know how common or uncommon that is - but attacking a guy for that reason is stupid. Not quiet as stupid as Karim Garica jumping the fence to join the fight. Seems like the guy who got mad at Pedro earlier is no saint either.

So I agree Manny was out of line - but other then that The Sox were not psycho or playing dirty as many have suggested to me. And definitely they played no dirtier then the Yankees.

The Yankees outscored the Sox by one run - which is a shame. Lets hope the boys can win tonights game at Fenway.

* * *

non-baseball incident. On my way to a birthday party Saturday night I was on the street and saw a blind balloon salesman trying to sell his collection of powerpuff girl balloons. After someone walked by politely declining the balloon I heard the man remark:

"People don't want to have fun anymore. They just want to be rammed up the ass."

He then retreated into Burger King.

 

[kevhines]

BoSox and Pizza

Thankfully the Sox won tonight. I still feel tommorrow is a win they need. Winning two in a row in Yankee Stadium will be tough.

Before watching the game last night I watched ESPN sports reporters (on ESPN2) and one of the announcers made the commet that pedro should be punished by sending him to the national league.

I had reporters that say things that are untrue and unresearched - when they can be researched. Pedro used to play in the National League and he pitched inside still and he still beaned people.

Also a couple of years ago Rob Neyer did a column (over on ESPN.com) comparing the numbers of people hit by pitches in the American League vs the National League (where the pitchers have to go up to bat - and many folks feel could be retaliated against). The numbers were almost identical...in fact the National League was a little bit higher. So much for that myth.

* * *

Had Pizza with Sean last night. Last year I tied for first in most Pizza Month meals with Sean. I tied with Andy Butterworth who works with Sean and has a great advantage. This year I doubt I can beat Andy. I was lucky last year...and this year I am unemployed and am less likely to come into Manhattan for a lunch unless I have things to do in Manhattan. But I also have to watch out for Tony Carnevale. He is on Stomping Groun dwith Sean, and hosts Variety Underground withhim. And is eager to beat me in pizza meals.

It will not be easy.

 

[kevhines]

A month or so back in a moment of dead silence at a team lunch when I was exhausted from too many late nights (and a bout of sleeplessness on top of that) I let slip this conversation.

Daryl: "You look tired"
Shiva: "Yes, you look bad"
Me: "Oh, well I had a show.......last......night."
Daryl: "a show?"

so I had to explain to them that I perform improv comedy. And now I have to deal with conversations like the one I just had:

Shiva: "How is your other career going?"
Me: "Huh?"
Mahesh: "I don't think he get's paid"
Shiva: "I am sure he does"
Me: "Oh, the comedy..."
Shiva: "Do you get paid?"
Me: "No."
Shiva: "oh, how is your hobby going?"
Me: (sigh) "uh, its going good"
Shiva: "I told other people in the office about it. No one can believe it. You are so quiet and calm, no one can picture you on stage"
Me: "I guess I save it up"
Shiva: "We should go to a show"
Mahesh: "After we roll out the forms"
Shiva: "I bet we are characters he does"

I'd rather my co-workers knew nothing about me.

 

[kevhines]

I had to go to another lunch with co-workers. I hate these 'thank yous'. I'd rather eat lunch alone and pay for it myself. But there is no way to say that without seeming like the jerk I am - so I go to the lunches.
This lunch involved a lot of people I had never met before.
Of course as soon as there is a moment of quiet the fact that I perform improv comes up:

Daryl: "Hey Kevin - are you still performing?"
Me: "yes."
Kristen (Sitting next to me): "Oh? What's that?"
(I explain to her what I do)
<long pause>
Kristen: "Are you funny?"

 

[kevhines]

I just started a new journal.

Ignorant Thoughts about Your Music

The first entry is just an introduction. The real meat of it will start next week sometime.

 

[kevhines]

what did you say?

An interesting conversation I had while waiting for the bus.

Girl: "I've been waiting for this bus for twenty minutes"
Me: "I hope that means its almost here"
(polite chuckles)
Old Man: "Look at that movie poster. Kids have drawn all over it."
Girl: "I guess they get bored waiting for the bus"
Me: "Thats why I bring a crossword puzzle. So I am not tempted to write on the ads"
Old Man: "You know who writes on these ads?"
(pause)
"black people"
(Girl and I exchange glance)
"I'm not racist. Some of my friends are black. But look at that poster. They didn't draw on any of the black people"
Me: "You should join the CSI"
(tension relieved, polite chuckle)
Old Man: "You know what black people call themselves?"
(pause)
"niggers."

Good night everybody!