Godspeed,
New Orleans.
There are still $25,000 luxury suites available for the
U.S. Open. You know, if you're not doing anything on Thursday and wanted to spend your life savings to sit and watch people play tennis.
So
Britney Spears has a 13-year-old sister,
Jamie Lynn Spears, who has her own hit show on Nickleodeon,
Zoey 101. And Jamie Lynn is having a fight with her co-star,
Alexa Nicholas (also 13). So Britney, because she loves her sister and because she is a no-class whore, goes down to the set and yelled at Alexa. A lot. Calls her "an evil little girl." Tells her "watch it or you'll nbever work in this town again." Makes Alexa cry. A lot. I wish my weeks-away-from-giving-birth sister would stick up for me like that. What a gal.
In other trailer park news, Britney and
K-Fed have named their not-yet-born child!
Preston Federline! And before you scoff about it being bad luck to name your child before he is born, look at it this way: if she miscarries, they'll know IMMEDIATELY what to put on his tombstone! Good luck to you, Preston! Run away from home as soon as you can!
According to a family in the vicinity,
Drew Barrymore was drunk, smoking and belligerent at a recent Mets game. Drew says, "This family obviously has a chip on their shoulder and another thought should not be wasted on this." OK, Drew!
Keith Richards apologized to
Mick Jagger (posthumously, I assume). Richards had said in an recent interview,
"His [expletive deleted]'s on the end of his nose. And a very small one at that. Big balls. Small [expletive deleted]." Richards told Jagger that what he MEANT was that he had big balls and was "gutsy and courageous." If anyone should be able to use "they misquoted me" as an excuse, it's Richards. Everything he ever says should be subtitled.
Remember that guy a few weeks ago who reported to police that his marijuana was stolen? Well, he's gonna have company soon!
Jean Mere, 21, called police last Wednesday and told them he was robbed. According to court papers, he said,
I called the police because someone was trying to rob me of my marijuana. This is my car and my marijuana. I was going to sell the marijuana." You just can't teach that kind of undiluted stupid.
It's a good thing
redheads can handle more pain! Scientists now believe that redheads are also more susceptible to "cancer-spurring sun damage." Whatever the fuck that is.
Great news for people who can't read!
Five more of the jurors from the Michael Jackson trial are planning books. That's seven jurors altogether. What a country!
The Weinstein Brothers are considering buying
the Fuse Music Network. Beats watching it.
And, finally, some stories from Drudge:
Dear Jesse Helms, please fucking die.
Retired Sen. Jesse Helms Publishes Memoir
RALEIGH, N.C. - Jesse Helms, writing with the same passion that made him the archconservative of the U.S. Senate for 30 years, renews his criticism of abortion in a memoir being published this week, comparing it to both the Holocaust and the Sept. 11 attacks.
(full story)
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050829/ap_on_go_co/helms_memoir_1
The enemy of my enemy is my friend (but still a scumbag).
Pat Robertson wants to impeach Bush.
(full story)
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=46019
A modest fucking proposal
A secondary school is to allow pupils to swear at teachers - as long as they don't do so more than five times in a lesson.
(full story)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=360685&in_page_id=1770
Until tomorrow, adieu.
