Starbucks is going to close 600 stores in the next year, affecting 12,000 workers nationwide. Estimates indicate that 70% of the stores opened since June of 2006 will be boarded up. However, Starbucks is not going quietly into that good night; they plan on opening another 200 stores during the other 600’s closure.
I like Dunkin’ Donuts, myself. 7-11 makes a good cup, too. And neither of those guys have ever tried to upsell me with compact discs when I caffeinated there.
Although, 7-11 has scratch-off lottery tickets.
Well played, 7-11.
*****
Angelina Jolie has checked herself into a hospital in France. Isn’t that Nice?
Her new movie,
Wanted, is doing so well, a sequel has been greenlit. Except there isn’t a comic to base it on (the mini-series that Paul Jenkins and J.G. Jones produced was much more comic-booky; the assassins are super-villains and their sartorial tendencies might well be unfilmable, plus it was much more vulgar - "this is me fucking you in the ass").
So, here’s my question: should Paul Jenkins write a sequel? And would it be a sequel to the comic? Or would it be a sequel to the film which all but ignored the comic?
But I’m always happy to see a comic book writer get paid Hollywood money. So, do what thou wilt, Paul (and J.G., if possible).
*****
Jay-Z is being sued (all class action like) by workers at his 40/40 clubs. So far, 15 or so have signed up with many more expected to join them. Seems they were paid less than minimum wage with no overtime. Oh, Jay-Z. You just made $150,000,000 from Live Nation. Spread the wealth, Hova!
(I intended to end this one with “Jigga-“ something, as that seemed the most obvious way to go. Then I figured that “Boo!” is a solid shorthand way to express disdain for something. Then I typed it. Then I replaced it with this sincere apology.)
*****
Even in death, Leona Helmsley makes to want to saw her junk (look for
Saw My Junk on FearNet this Fall!). Leaving $12,000,000 to your dog (who was fond of biting your horribly mistreated servants) is a fuck you to altruism. But I learned today that she wrote a mission statement for her trust, declaring that her entire fortune (somewhere between $5,000,000,000 and $8,000,000,000) should be spent “caring for dogs.”
That’s despicable, and don’t tell me that it isn’t, dog lovers. That money could have fed billions of humans, could have rebuilt the World Trade Center, could have given New Orleans the funds that its citizens
still need – with puh-lenty left over to help every dog in China, the U.S. and Heaven (which, according to Burt Reynolds and Don Bluth, is where every dog goes).
Rot in Hell, Leona.
At least it wasn't cats.
*****
Are Madonna and Guy Ritchie getting a divorce? We’ve already seen
this photo from 2007, which might have allowed Guy to kill her and get off (sorry) scot free, as no jury could possibly find an excuse for putting it in a clear plastic bag, Madge. I mean, come owe-un.
But too much time has passed since then. So, Guy would need another excuse if he were thinking of pleading temporary insanity. Something like… her cheating on him with Alex Rodriguez.
Really, Madonna? I mean, Jeter I could see. But A-Rod? The day after his wife gave birth to their second ugly child?
I’m pretty sure that Kabbalah frowns on that sort of thing.
*****
In other Rodriguez news,
Sin City co-director Robert Rodriguez (no relation to Alex) is splitting up with his girlfriend. You may recall that his wife of 16 years (and mother of their 5 kids and co-producer of his films) discovered he was fucking Rose McGowan (she used to touch Marilyn Manson’s junk on a regular basis) during the shooting of
Grindhouse and divorced him. Or you may not. Whatevs.
Anyhoodles, it seems Robby was so keen on his new ingénue, he cast her in the lead role of his next film,
Barbarella. Yeah, he’s remaking the Roger Vadim classic. Sigh. Side note: he’s also planning remakes of
Woman In Chains and
Red Sonja - two more possible McGowan vehicles!
But when Robby started shopping his Jane Fonda-replacing do-over to studios, they insisted that Rose McGowan is not someone you want to hang a franchise (or anything that you want to remain free of crabs) on. Is that what made Rose leave him? Or him leave her? And is Antonio Banderas somehow involved? I not know.
*****
The Horse & Carriage Association of New York is mad at Alec Baldwin. Seems Alec led a protest against their industry, saying that he’d rather the horses be euthanized than forced to carry tourists around Manhattan. But they’re also getting even (sorta) with Mr. Baldwin.
In Alec’s honor, they have named the diapers that catch (some of) the horses’ apples “Baldwin Bags.”
Alec is insisting that they are instead referring to his brother Daniel “or Stephen – whichever is the one making skateboard videos that praise Jesus and trying to close down porn shops. That one,” huffed Alec.
Not really. But he might have.
*****
“As a woman, if you’re outspoken and you know what you want, you’re a bitch. And if you don’t know what you want, you’re a ditz.”
That’s Kimora Lee Simmons in the new issue of
Giant. And I disagree with the first part (and the second part unless it’s the woman that seems to appear in front of me at every fast food place I go to – they only sell 20 things and you’ve been staring at pictures of all of them for 5 minutes… make up your mind, ditz!).
I have known and worked with many women in many situations - many men, too. And some have been outspoken about what they want/need. That doesn’t make them bitches. It’s when someone tries to get what he/she wants, regardless of the consequences suffered by the people around them. It’s the knee-jerk reaction to throw a co-worker under a bus. It’s the inability to hear criticism, let alone consider it.
Or it’s being Kimora Lee Simmons. Or Meredith Brooks.
*****
Is Brett Ratner gay or just very comfortable with his heterosexuality?
The Post has him at the launch party for Taschen’s
The Big Penis Book, where he bought five copies… that he got the cover model to sign. Sources say, “Brett was eating it up!” Which I hope is not meant literally. Though
X3 and
Red Dragon both sucked balls…
*****
Q: Who should Obama pick as a running mate?
A: Wesley Clark.
*****
And now, once again, it’s time for today’s King Stupid! Sean Sanders, 27, played softball in Parma, NY the other day. Seems he and some of the other players exchanged some trash talk throughout the game. When the game ended, the teams lined up to perform the ancient ritual of The Insincere Exchange of Limp High Fives and Monotone “Good Game(s).” That’s when Sanders punched Daniel Andrews, 37, in the back of the head.
Andrews died at the hospital shortly thereafter.
In 2002, Sanders was arrested in Greece, NY for hitting a man “numerous times about the body with a golf club.”
Let’s hope they have sports in jail for King Stupid of the Day, Sean “Goon Over Parma” Sanders!
*****
We used to live across the street from St. Vincent’s Hospital in Greenwich Village. They just lost a lawsuit where a couple was awarded $19,600,000.
During their son’s birth, the doctors who delivered the baby spent 23 minutes tugging on the infant’s head with forceps. TWENTY-THREE MINUTES. This severely injured the mother and injured the boy to the point where he now (10 years later) walks with a limp, has weakness on his left side and has severe psychological and emotional problems.
Oof.
That’s a lot of money… unless you consider that the Supreme Court decided that ExxonMobil should only pony up 20% of the $2,500,000,000 they were ordered to pay for the Valdez spill.
Then it’s just a drop in the oil drum.
*****
ITEM! Katie Holmes isn’t an enormous box office draw on The Great White Way! Despite Scientologists’ around-the-clock testing of morons in Times Square, it seems that people just don’t want to watch Mrs. Tom Cruise recite the words of Arthur Miller (to be fair, “All My Sons” is a downer and with great Iraq films being ignored, why would anyone want to watch a play about young Americans going off to war – even a noble one like WWII?).
That’s so weird that people aren’t paying $110 to see this play.
Also, the entire cast has had to sign confidentiality agreements because the Church of Scientology fears loose lips. And alien warlords.
*****
So, we have returned to the Empire State. We’re currently hunting for jobs and a place to live. Tonight, we’re being taken to the Texas-NY game at the best ballpark in the world. Mr. Dan Dunford should be arriving shortly to transport us from the idyllic suburbs into the melting pot of my youth, Da Bronx. So glad we get to see (at least) one last game before they tear it down. Seeing it with Dan is like icing on the cake and also more cake.
Chicago was amazing. JTS Brown had a 2-hour rehearsal where most of us (everyone except Cacky, I imagine) re-learned the form. Five hours later, we performed to a standing ovation, hugs and giddiness. Great to see everyone (except Gillian, Sarah, Christina, Case and Jason) again.
It re-lit my love of performing, that’s for sure. It reminded me of the quality improv that I grew accustomed to for all those years in Chicago. I have to start playing again. Maybe even teaching.
Gotta get ready for the game. Good to be back in New York.
Happy New Comics Day!
