I sometimes do stupid and embarrassing things.
I would like to share them with the world.
Learn from my mistakes!
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So, I am in my local bar with some friends. I am not drinking alcohol at the time, but had been drinking a few diet cokes, topped up with a couple of coffees. I decide the time is right for a trip the toilet, so make my excuses, find the appropriate door, and line up at the urinals.
Where, of course, nothing happens. I just stand there awaiting relief, which does not come.
After a minute, it starts to get embarrassing. The guy next to me appears to have no problems; indeed, he appears to be trying for some sort of record.
I cough a few times. This doesn't help. I feel myself going red, and am sure other toilet users have noticed, and are inwardly deriding the wimp who "can't go" in public.
I decide I will have more luck in private, so sidle into the one and only cubicle available, and shut the door. I am immediately plunged into pitch darkness. The bulb has blown, and the designer of the toilet apparently decided that it should be hermetically sealed from the rest of the world. Not a crack of light appears where the door meets the jamb.
As the toilets are generally kept pretty clean, I reckon it should be possible to navigate by touch, so I unzip, and feel around for the top of the cistern, thinking I would be able to hazard a guess at the general diretion of the bowl.
As I am about to let rip, I realise the enormity of what is likely to happen, particularly as I am wearing light grey trousers, which are not kind to any sort of spillage.
I fumble in the darkness for the door handle, find it successfully and exit the chamber.
And promptly come face to face with another customer, who is more than slightly concerned to meet a man emerging from a blacked out cubicle with his cock out.
I had forgotten to re-zip.
As it is just him and me in the toilet, I try to make the best of a bad job. Muttering "excuse me", I hurry for the urinal, and try again to release the flow. Again, nothing happens.
In an attempt to regain some credibility, I cough in a macho, we're-all-men-in-here type of way, and spit into the trough.
Naturally, I completely miss, but all is not lost, I manage to dribble coffee coloured sputum onto my shirt.
I give up. Head to the sink to wash my hands, and the tap spurts out water all over my trousers, so I appear to have pissed myself.
I go home.
I would like to share them with the world.
Learn from my mistakes!
___________________________________________________
So, I am in my local bar with some friends. I am not drinking alcohol at the time, but had been drinking a few diet cokes, topped up with a couple of coffees. I decide the time is right for a trip the toilet, so make my excuses, find the appropriate door, and line up at the urinals.
Where, of course, nothing happens. I just stand there awaiting relief, which does not come.
After a minute, it starts to get embarrassing. The guy next to me appears to have no problems; indeed, he appears to be trying for some sort of record.
I cough a few times. This doesn't help. I feel myself going red, and am sure other toilet users have noticed, and are inwardly deriding the wimp who "can't go" in public.
I decide I will have more luck in private, so sidle into the one and only cubicle available, and shut the door. I am immediately plunged into pitch darkness. The bulb has blown, and the designer of the toilet apparently decided that it should be hermetically sealed from the rest of the world. Not a crack of light appears where the door meets the jamb.
As the toilets are generally kept pretty clean, I reckon it should be possible to navigate by touch, so I unzip, and feel around for the top of the cistern, thinking I would be able to hazard a guess at the general diretion of the bowl.
As I am about to let rip, I realise the enormity of what is likely to happen, particularly as I am wearing light grey trousers, which are not kind to any sort of spillage.
I fumble in the darkness for the door handle, find it successfully and exit the chamber.
And promptly come face to face with another customer, who is more than slightly concerned to meet a man emerging from a blacked out cubicle with his cock out.
I had forgotten to re-zip.
As it is just him and me in the toilet, I try to make the best of a bad job. Muttering "excuse me", I hurry for the urinal, and try again to release the flow. Again, nothing happens.
In an attempt to regain some credibility, I cough in a macho, we're-all-men-in-here type of way, and spit into the trough.
Naturally, I completely miss, but all is not lost, I manage to dribble coffee coloured sputum onto my shirt.
I give up. Head to the sink to wash my hands, and the tap spurts out water all over my trousers, so I appear to have pissed myself.
I go home.
