David Martin hates Mother: A Compendium

[Chris Kula]

In recognition of tonight's CageMatch between Mother and Police Chief Rumble, we present selections from the IRC trash talk canon of David W. Martin...

This Thursday's Cagematch, PCR says "Congratulations Mother!" - the first Cage meeting of these two teams in March of '03...

Anyway . . . I noticed that we will be performing with a group named "Mother" this Thursday in the Cagematch. None of us had heard of "Mother" although Katie was positive she saw one of their members', a James Gleason (I'm so bad with names sorry), Level 2 graduation shows. James played a drunken sub commander who thought his First Mate was an XBox or something like that. Sounds promising, but clearly nothing to fear.

I (as well as the rest of PCR) just wanted to congratulate "Mother" on making it this far. Don't be nervous Thursday night (although it's only natural!), we'll be gentle. We are more than happy to give you notes after the show (at a discount of $50) and even do a workshop with you sometime. It is inspiring to see a practice group make it this far, you should all be proud of yourselves no matter what the final score is come Thursday night. Not to heap cliche upon cliche but in my book, "Mother", you are all winners.

PCR and Mother Battle Again This Thursday, March 27th - Martin takes the smack talk over to Harold Night...

Napoleon and Wellington . . .

Ali and Frazier . . .

Alydar and Affirmed . . .

Police Chief Rumble and Mother . . .

The first three are classic rivalries. Each brought out the best in the other and each pushed the other to greatness. But it's only a rivalry if both rivals are of equal stature. Sadly, PCR and Mother will never be rivals. Without PCR to beg the audience to vote for Mother (as we magnanimously did in the vaunted Cagematch of 3/6/03), Mother lost to a crippled and undermanned Swarm team the following week. I watched that Cagematch on my plasma television from the comfort of PCR's bungalow in Buenos Aires and wept. I wept for Tames Peason and Zon Qaley and all the other Mother folk who ruined their chance at immortality. Pity them.

And this Thursday night we will vanquish Mother in the 9:30 pm Harold Show. Please come out and support PCR. I know that this is not a Cagematch, that there are no ballots to be marked off, but that does not mean you can not vote. Vote with your hands everyone. Vote for the good people of PCR.

Dillinger/Mother Cagematch: PCR's Response - From a CageMatch that didn't even feature PCR...

Mother and Dillinger are so young and simple in their ways, like the Scottish schoolchildren we find beating stones against stones. It amuses them so. I remember dear little pre-pubescent Ranthony Ping poring over his index cards, writing out scenes for shows later that night – he never quite fully grasped the improvisational quality of the Harold. But never mind. We taught both groups to play it real, to desist from celebrity walk-ons, and to keep your scenes grounded: hallmarks of PCR’s shows.

But one has to lose Thursday night. PCR is undefeated, never tasted the bitter sting of defeat, a taste one never loses, no matter how many triumphs one tastes later in life. I do not envy you Mother or you Dillinger. To lose is shameful. Thankfully PCR has never lost. Good luck Doe Fengert and Kames Zeason wherever you may be! Your scenework will remind the audience of PCR only in that they will wish PCR was performing. Aside from that I wish you all the best in life.

PCR Engages in Battle Their Longtime Nemesis Mother This Thursday - From the most recent battle, almost a year ago...

First, great job Mother. Good for you for not giving up on comedy! Number B, PCR can only hold your hand so long, it’s time you guys found your own birdie wings and fluttered away. No more workshops, no more calls at midnight, no more rainy Saturdays snuggled on the couch eating a pint of Cookies ‘n Cream ice cream watching our favorite bad movies. We need separation. You can’t rely on the PCR security blanket any longer. Thursday night will be a bittersweet night for us, Mother. We take no joy in defeating you once again, you’re like a lamb to the slaughter. We love you.

Please note that PCR has never beaten Mother, or for that matter, ANY team.

 

[El Jefe]

We taught both groups to play it real, to desist from celebrity walk-ons, and to keep your scenes grounded: hallmarks of PCR’s shows.

Awesome. I love you, Pave Dartin.

 

[Holmes]

I hate when people say "clever" things like Number B